The Hip Historian Iaredios Posted December 7, 2016 Share Posted December 7, 2016 (edited) Look now to times prior,Not back to World’s End-Pyre,But when the Helm of GoldHolding a god of oldFrom far off Lunar SeaAnd submerged faux-victory,Came to our broken planetAnd became a hero on it.Verily, the one christened Mata Nui,Whose utterance were of no phooey,But rather a forgotten truthDeclared to be lies to comparative youth.Yes, ‘tis he of whom I speak now,That mighty hero who had borne the hau-In times past,And now the beetle is his icon castAs well as the opened manFamous now across lands of former-tan. ------- Blue-skinned boundWas our hero foundUpon his landing in a sea bare,Minuscule and fraught with scareHis new mold crafted from the carapaceOf the kin of his new friend in alien spaceThe little thing’s ignoranceConcerning the form of the Son of AgnanceWould stir familiar loveOnto this ruler from aboveA bond inseparableTo touch later rabble.Christened Click was the bugWho by horn’s brush upon god-man’s mugMorphed shield-borne into master’s handBy blessing of Helm’s defensive demandIn time to guard from beast-man’s leap to gnaw;Such are the ways of the West Seed of Jarra’Shah.Tackled with claws cutting ‘round shield’s surfaceThat cuts the new-born smooth dermisAnd stinger tip pierces earthen sinAs it fails to poison this king of foreign men.By way of arched shield-bladeDid the beast-man’s courage fadeAs his rear-end sword went way of bloody severance,The first victory of this man of former-reverence.Scurried did the bestial foeAway from crater whence did sand blow.Ripped forth from under bare foot blueWent the stinger slide from faux-carapace and red dewThe spray sate the taste of thirstsome desert ground;And now armed did trek the bare blue man bound,Wielding speck-eyed-shield and poison daggerReaped from feasted remnant-attacker. Stuck to nature’s winding rocky roadLest be swallowed by the shifting brine which flowedThe Black-topped mesas with white mineral sprinkleDoth reflect heaven’s torches that twinkle.The ancient sand-scattered flat hillsCarved from yonder Lunar Sea which doth give chillsOf nostalgia to Banished King of memorial ills.O’, how justice will be sworn-served,Though his banishment is deserved;Such was the pride of Mata NuiNow curse-clad in dermal blueyWhen before his head could touch the clouds.How he wanted garbed shroudsTo shield from sandy blight.When the dangers of the nightCould be seen by moons-lightIt’s form aught with frightSerpentine and clad in furLong eared and winged ensureThat Mata Nui dirtied and bareTook to haste and ran with careTo escape the sight of the amphiterreAloft high in the airDid it miss sight by soundOur hero blue-skinned boundWho hid behind rocky décorLest fret-feasted upon would be his gore. Once passed, did helm-wielder find sensation,Ignorant was he on the nature of starvation.He fell before boulder and submitted to starving sleepAnd naught was there a peepUnder star-lit blanket-black.‘Twas by a distant crackDid one’s eye’s flash ajarSwift fell did pupils lock onto afarTo find more beast-men.‘Twas they who made bone-crack their kinWhite bleached on desert floor.Yesternight’s injured fellow did-so choreWith pack of brethren did he bringTo seek and scout this Exiled King!Cloudless was the skyAnd cover was lacking by sight of eye.By the light of Solis’ would they findThe helm of his that doth shimmer and shine.So he that was outcast by angel-shadowedTook refuge before old-foe’s abodeAnd bade his timeto pounce on they clothed by grime.Wordless speech did his enchanted crownGive to Mata Nui in temporal fortune down. “Hear me, oh holy curse-clad kingLet me share memories of paladins that did bringGreat battle to ways of darkness!Observe their foes meeting unity's blessednesscreed-bound to mercy did they showto thine fallen children, the Masters of Shadow.Such as what I saw with mine own eyesLet them quell your mental cries:Take to inspiration of their exampleAnd hence give beast-men a sampleOf HERO Mata Nui’s valorAnd unleashing your divine power!” Thus did flicker before his mortal eyes a lifeWhich did the helm witness such strife.Holy War done in his name in most dire hourA conflict he felt undeserving by his lacking honorBut sword-slashed dance did he see his saviorsFighting with greatest gallant behaviorsWith nature’s great power that didLeap forth from palms did their might fledForth into many an enemyWith mercy was their code’s remedy,Sentience-trace be sparedAnd in this bondage their glory flared. All of this did haste-swift flashBefore his eyes and weapon-bound did clashSpace of beastly crew and this spirit-oldInspired, now he arose in with stance ever-boldChin up high was he, and chest puffed-proudStood the fallen lord blue-bare boundSuch was his confidence that seeped from his formThat the pack of sand people had their morale tornBut recognizing their numbers did they dareTwain ilk slowly paced without scare. Fly did Click from thrown fist towards foeAnd shifted forth into defensive blowAnd fell down did they, the seekers of harmLeapt across warming morning earthAnd punched into hard skin hearthWith aim of knocking down this vengeance-seekerBut tough was this trekker of the acreHow he wished his enemy was weaker!Jaw-split hence cried the horrid shriekerWith flame-died iris eye did widenAnd spike-budded tongue slither from fangs whitenWith claw-grasped was King’s armBlue dermis seeping red via harmBy fiend’s sharpened nailBy familiar-feel did he seek-strike with tailBut in the tradition’s death holding to no availAnd in anger was that plan brought to bailThought made him scrape the neck-skin of that maleWith tongue and ready to eat the throat of his preyBut Mata Nui shoved his armored face into the gaping frayHis soul’s home jaw-locked and tongue-scrapedSo they fell to the pebble-spiked groundAnd grunt did spake the holder of the crownHarmed was the Helm, and so it’s anger escapedHence cursed was the nefarious Jarra’dineMouth skin-sewn forevermore after this daySpeechless were they, one more than anotherWith fright did the cursed run to stand over fallen brotherWho was on ground from blow by Click shield-formedBy muffled screams did he noise and by wet-leg warmDid the kin-folk shriek in horror behold his cursed form! Vengeful victim look to sky crying in fearAnd begins beastly-clawing at absent lip in hope to pry and tearTo let rip-loose some sort of bloody cryAnd witness did Mata Nui who here could not lieAnd begged with Holy Helm to reverse such cursed affliction.“Cure this childish fiend of thine set condition!”So he yelled, and wordless did it spake,“By ancient defense from thieving takeDo I curse those not destined or merit-worth,Such is my sword-and-shield save my brief birth. “And so our Hero shout-plead to the airTo his voiceless mask with angry demanding flair Though it did confound beast-men already wrought with scare.“Hear me now; henceforth will you reserve your powerLest I specifically call upon it, which they will cowerBefore awesome glow and flick of wristVow now to nay-take my words to twist!”And relinquished did his mask-crownNo doubt was there to be found a mental frownFor the enchanted artifact that predates its new master,But bows it will, for destiny was achieved before rise of outcasterAnd his new lord, his true lord, has yet to meet his fateAnd the Heavens above know it will be profoundly great. Mata Nui walked to the frightened beast-manAnd by mask’s power and his will did he raise handTo grab arm-limb and raise to face with distance betwixtThe being’s twain with sand-person doth squirm and twist.The golden helmed face of the fallen king did so glowAs if Great Solis did hence rise from body blue did light showAnd the face’s fresh skin, like fabric, ripped slowly With widening holes it’s natural mouth revealed duly.Mata Nui dropped the creature and it scurriedWith both joy and fear far from being body-buried.With kin did they three fade into the horizonAnd our hero found to be in safe lonesome. Author's Notes: I wrote another short story a prequel to Black Coronation, but i went a little too brutal in a scene. It is important so I can't edit it and thus probably can't put it on BZP (idk). This annoyed me, but i love the potential of Mata Nui's story so I decided to flex some rhyming skills. I hope it is okay, and I might expand on this later. Like other things, this has some references to my A Rude Awakening project. Edited January 14, 2017 by Iaredios the Hip Historian 5 Quote A RUDE AWAKENING - A Spherus Magna redo | Tzais-Kuluu | Pushing Back The Tide | Last Words | Black Coronation | Blue Man Bound | Visions of Thasos ن We are all but grey specks in a dark complex before a single white light Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erasmus Graves Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 (edited) A terrific poem that mixes sly wit and epic story with a true love of its source material and some clever rhyming. Plenty of fun linguistic pyrotechnics, too.Good job. Here's a smiley to celebrate. Edited December 30, 2016 by Erasmus Graves 1 Quote "Mutiny, Booty and Entropy" - The Three Vices of the Frostelus[flash=250,100]http://www.brickshelf.com/gallery/sprxtrerme/BANNERS/thornax.swf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Hip Historian Iaredios Posted December 30, 2016 Author Share Posted December 30, 2016 A terrific poem that mixes sly wit and epic story with a true love of its source material and some clever rhyming. Plenty of fun linguistic pyrotechnics, too.Good job. Here's a smiley to celebrate. I appreciate it, dear-heartedly. And linguistic pyrotechnics? I'll take it! Keep your eyes on this topic. After the first version was completed, I decided to expand it until Mata Nui fights the Sand Bat (the shadowy amphiterre) and heads to Vulkanus (imagine it like the final boss in this, gonna be epic). If I decide to expand it beyond that, then i will make this an Epic; maybe I should do that anyway, draw a cave doodle for each chapter. Writing in epic rhyme is quite the stupendous time. Lol Just gotta remind myself not to go overboard like that other one I wrote. If you want I can PM my Branar story to you. Quote A RUDE AWAKENING - A Spherus Magna redo | Tzais-Kuluu | Pushing Back The Tide | Last Words | Black Coronation | Blue Man Bound | Visions of Thasos ن We are all but grey specks in a dark complex before a single white light Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erasmus Graves Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 Lol. Sounds good, I'll keep an eye out.About PM'ing the story that'd be great, mate. I love a bit of Branar - he's one of the characters who should have gotten more page time. Quote "Mutiny, Booty and Entropy" - The Three Vices of the Frostelus[flash=250,100]http://www.brickshelf.com/gallery/sprxtrerme/BANNERS/thornax.swf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Hip Historian Iaredios Posted February 15, 2017 Author Share Posted February 15, 2017 I've abandoned the idea of further updating this story here. If I intend to continue it, it will be as a BZP Epic under the appropriate forum. Quote A RUDE AWAKENING - A Spherus Magna redo | Tzais-Kuluu | Pushing Back The Tide | Last Words | Black Coronation | Blue Man Bound | Visions of Thasos ن We are all but grey specks in a dark complex before a single white light Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Inika Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 Having just stumbled upon this, I was pleasantly surprised. You're a great poet with a clear talent for wordplay. I appreciate the roughly-10 syllables per line. It's not perfect iambic pentameter, but I recently learned that Chaucer's Canterbury Tales were often 12 or 11 syllables, much like yours, since he valued telling his stories over perfectly fitting the mold. It's perfectly written to be sung verbally, and a spoken word version of this would be a great idea. Plot-wise, I definitely feel like I'm missing out on something by just jumping into this. I can most enjoy the bits that reference official story (the retelling of Click's first transformation comes to mind was very well done). However, there's so much I didn't fully understand, but I can still tell a lot of thought and effort clearly went into this, and I am eager to read more "Rude Awakening" stories. Quote "You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer." -- Turaga Nokama Click here to visit my library! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Hip Historian Iaredios Posted April 19, 2017 Author Share Posted April 19, 2017 (edited) Having just stumbled upon this, I was pleasantly surprised. You're a great poet with a clear talent for wordplay. I appreciate the roughly-10 syllables per line. It's not perfect iambic pentameter, but I recently learned that Chaucer's Canterbury Tales were often 12 or 11 syllables, much like yours, since he valued telling his stories over perfectly fitting the mold. It's perfectly written to be sung verbally, and a spoken word version of this would be a great idea. Plot-wise, I definitely feel like I'm missing out on something by just jumping into this. I can most enjoy the bits that reference official story (the retelling of Click's first transformation comes to mind was very well done). However, there's so much I didn't fully understand, but I can still tell a lot of thought and effort clearly went into this, and I am eager to read more "Rude Awakening" stories.Thank you, and you'll find this funny but I don't know what those things are! I also haven't read the Canterbury Tales but this is the second reference to that I have seen so maybe I should find it. I can tell you some of the references in here. World's End Pyre is The Shattering, Jarra'Shah is Jarra Adat the Element Lord if Sand and co-creator of the jarra'dine. The Jarra'dine (jah-rah Dee-nay) are the vorox, though Vorox is a term originally used only for the Jarra'dine in Neateir (land surrounding the Skrall River) and south of it, Vorox means "hungry" and refers to their bestial nature and how food is their main focus of life. They are this way because of an ancient evil jarra'dine king named Nijil'kar. EDIT: And if you didn't figure it out, Great Solis is Solis Magna. Now according to the polytheists of the lands, Solis Magna is seen as the originator of order in the sea of chaos that is existence, though he can be seen as merciless. Read what I have so far in the Visions of Thasos to know more. Also, something that I noticed in Lego's telling of Mata Nui's is that the ignika no longer had a personality. I thought it would be interesting if both were active at the same time, but Ignika respects Mata Nui's authority and acts more like the professor in Firestorm. With that in mind, it references its own past, such as cursing those not destined to touch it, and its time posing as a toa and seeing the Toa Nuva. Edited April 19, 2017 by Iaredios the Desert Dude 1 Quote A RUDE AWAKENING - A Spherus Magna redo | Tzais-Kuluu | Pushing Back The Tide | Last Words | Black Coronation | Blue Man Bound | Visions of Thasos ن We are all but grey specks in a dark complex before a single white light Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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