Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Triple D

Hero (Fanfic Exchange for Disciple)

Recommended Posts

Hero

This story was based very loosely off the events of Ignition and the surrounding stories. It has been quite vastly changed to fit my storytelling needs. This story was written for Disciple, for the short story write-up jam for Christmas. I hope you all enjoy. I’m so sorry it’s so late.

 

The entire story got very long so I decided to put it in a Google Doc. Read it here.

Edited by Jayne Cobb
  • Upvote 1

Corpus profiles: Rider Shield Eps Paladin Crate Thud Chief

 

Skyrise profiles: Juno Taurek Voyin

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 I thought this was an interesting twist, Axonn turning into this killer machine to stop the Piraka to protect the mask. I definitely liked the fact that the Voya Nui Resistance team was given a good role; the idea of Matoran standing up without the need for a Toa always fascinated me.

 

 One complaint, the coloring of the dialogue made it hard to read with the lighter colors.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah the colours were difficult because I had a lot of different characters often of the same element/colours scheme, and some of the dark colours just didn't look right.

 

In regards to Axonn, his parts were my favourite to write. I liked the idea of him being the only one to stop the Piraka, and though he couldn't defeat them on his own I still think he was an integral part to the story.

 

Thank you for the criticism, and for the read!


Corpus profiles: Rider Shield Eps Paladin Crate Thud Chief

 

Skyrise profiles: Juno Taurek Voyin

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Phew, so I finally got around to reading this...

 

This was an awesome story. It had pretty much everything I was looking for- action, adventure, and drama. Glad you picked the Voya Nui prompt, since that's my favorite story year. I thought you did a good job on capturing the personalities of all the characters. I like the cold, ruthless take on Axonn. I got the impression that his fallout with Brutaka was what really drove him toward his suicidal assault on the Piraka. I also like how he straight-up killed Vezok, because I sure wasn't expecting it :P

 

The Matoran's personalities were well done too. Good job on subtly including all their unique quirks, like Piruk's nervous tics and Kazi's knowledge of Axonn. Balta's friendship with both Garan and Dalu was also well explored. I would have liked to see Velika come back into the picture later on, but you were already juggling a ton of characters, so that's easy to understand. I'm curious as to whether or not you would have included the canon bits about him being a secret Great Being. He was my favorite Voya Nui Matoran, and I was never sure what to think of that twist.

 

The climax was great too. It was particularly satisfying because I had a similar headcanon all the way back in 2006 where Garan would become a Toa through exposure to EP. In a way, he's more worthy to be a Toa than just about anyone, having led his team of ordinary Matoran against impossible odds. I feel like you finally did justice to that daydream I had way back in 2006. It was awesome seeing him take on Zaktan alone in a fair fight.

 

Thanks for working so hard on this, I really enjoyed it. :)

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You've no idea how much that all means to me.

 

I spent a lot of time on that and I wasn't sure it was up to par, but I'm glad you enjoyed it.

 

With regards to some characters such as Velika and some of the loose ends not tied up (such as Reidak, Thok and Hakann still being alive), I'm leaving those open for a sequel if I ever feel like writing one.

 

Thank you for reading it, and for the criticism!


Corpus profiles: Rider Shield Eps Paladin Crate Thud Chief

 

Skyrise profiles: Juno Taurek Voyin

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...