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Axiomatic - Dynamic Paradigm Review


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8 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Cederak

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Posted Oct 16 2011 - 02:29 PM

In all likelihood, this is my final epic. The update schedule will vary, but I can promise a wonderful story nonetheless. In the past, I felt as though I failed to allow readers to learn, decipher, and define my work - rather giving all the answers away. My advice is to interpret the epic as you please, and find the messages for yourselves. Thank you.-CedAct I: Valiance01: Imperative02: Scourge in the Skies03: Breath of the Storm04: Aspire to Survive05: The Fading Void06: Fabulous Melody07: A View Awry08: In the Dark of Dawn09: Toy SoldiersAct II: Perfected Asymmetry10: Verdant Realm11: Older Now12: Beyond Imagination13: Carry On14: Promises Broken15: Dreams Run Aground16: Archaic DreamerAct III: Ardency17: Lost Kingdom18: Despair Has a Home19: Unnatural Introspection20: Synchronized21: Treading Icy Reminders22: Cold, Dead Machine23: Crystal Clear24: Core Assault25: Form Fits Function26: The Voices We LovedAct IV: Cyclical27: A Shore That Needs Us28: Starlight, Star Bright29: Rejected Accord30: A (Great) Being's Atonement31: Miserable Paradise32: Consumed by Passion33: Selfish Desire34: Falling WishesAct V: Paradigm Shift35: Causality and Certainty36: The Starry Prince37: No More Shadows38: The Dynamic Paradigm39: This Life40: Symmetric

Edited by Cederak, Nov 30 2011 - 10:02 PM.

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#2 Offline Steelsheen

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Posted Oct 26 2011 - 09:16 PM

I love this story! Even though I really still have no concept of where this world fits with the BIONICLE universe (other than the Great Beings), I'm totally enthralled by this new dimension. My favorite Seraphs are Landrak, Endico and Talise - the depth and scope of their characters is great. Keep the posts coming!
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#3 Offline Cederak

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Posted Oct 27 2011 - 02:23 AM

I love this story! Even though I really still have no concept of where this world fits with the BIONICLE universe (other than the Great Beings), I'm totally enthralled by this new dimension. My favorite Seraphs are Landrak, Endico and Talise - the depth and scope of their characters is great. Keep the posts coming!

Thank you, Hahli Historian. It took a lot of time to put together this story, but at this point it's just a matter of getting it posted. I suppose you could say this falls into the Bionicle universe in a way that I always thought the Great Beings would go out and colonize other worlds with life. Dynamic Paradigm is the result of that idea. So you have a world inhabited by biomechs, however, it is a world that fears the presence of elemental power. I like Landrak, Endico, and Talise as well. I don't think I could choose a favorite among the story's gallery of characters, which is a first for me. Anyway, I hope you'll continue to enjoy my epic up to the end. =) -Ced

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#4 Offline Toa of Italy

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Posted Oct 30 2011 - 06:14 AM

I've just read the entire epic. I must say Act I is the best. The descriptions are quite good, as are the characters. The prologue (or whatever you call it) is beautifully written and the battle against Carzandus is also very good. I've found it hard to appreciate Act II as much as Act I. The events there just seem to pile up; although there is a main theme (the Seraphs' journey to the Vault), the events that occur during that time seem put there at random, without a very logical connection between each other. Since Act III isn't finished yet, I can't fully judge it. However, it was my impression that those chapters were meant to explain some of the mysteries and questions that had been raised in the first two Acts. If that's true, then they didn't have much success. It may be that I haven't read it carefully enough, but I've found it difficult to understand the explanations given by the Kyllidahk and how they were connected with the mysteries encountered by the Seraphs. I've tried to make this review as constructive and truthful as possible. I hope you aren't offended by it.
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#5 Offline Cederak

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Posted Oct 30 2011 - 01:05 PM

I've just read the entire epic. I must say Act I is the best. The descriptions are quite good, as are the characters. The prologue (or whatever you call it) is beautifully written and the battle against Carzandus is also very good. I've found it hard to appreciate Act II as much as Act I. The events there just seem to pile up; although there is a main theme (the Seraphs' journey to the Vault), the events that occur during that time seem put there at random, without a very logical connection between each other. Since Act III isn't finished yet, I can't fully judge it. However, it was my impression that those chapters were meant to explain some of the mysteries and questions that had been raised in the first two Acts. If that's true, then they didn't have much success. It may be that I haven't read it carefully enough, but I've found it difficult to understand the explanations given by the Kyllidahk and how they were connected with the mysteries encountered by the Seraphs. I've tried to make this review as constructive and truthful as possible. I hope you aren't offended by it.

Thanks for reading my epic, Toa of Italy. I have to admit, Acts 2 and 3 are probably my least favorite, despite them being the last sections to be written. It's not that they are any less important, but I had a lot more fun writing Acts 4 and 5. Some of the events may seem random and unorganized, but its a very intentional contrast to Act 1. Hopefully, once I start posting Act 4, you'll enjoy it as much as (if not more than) the first act. -Ced

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#6 Offline Steelsheen

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Posted Nov 06 2011 - 06:21 PM

*gasp* Ceyvim is alive?! Why is he pretending to be Amtra? Did he recognise Talise? Why is he back now? Oh, pleeeeease keep posting! ;)
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#7 Offline Cederak

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Posted Nov 11 2011 - 12:18 AM

*gasp* Ceyvim is alive?! Why is he pretending to be Amtra? Did he recognise Talise? Why is he back now? Oh, pleeeeease keep posting! ;)

I hope Chapter 30 was a satisfying answer to your questions. Cyclical was my favorite act of Paradigm to write, so I'm rather attached to it. =)-Ced

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#8 Offline Cederak

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Posted Nov 30 2011 - 10:11 PM

Dynamic Paradigm has been posted in its entirety, and it has been a little over a year since I first conjured the ideas of Landrak and his friends - uncertain of where they were headed. Though I expressed that this would most likely be my final work on BZPower, I am not ruling out another story being written at some unknown point in the future. Thank you to anyone and everyone who reads this epic, whether you liked it or didn't. What matters is that, like the Vapseron, you were willing to take the journey, and I appreciate the effort.-Ced
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#9 Offline TNTOS

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Posted May 19 2012 - 09:33 AM

Official ECC Review:First off, the title, Dynamic Paradigm, is an interesting title choice. It's an oxymoron because paradigms, by their defintion, aren't supposed to be dynamic. It's definitely eye-catching. I am not exactly sure how it relates to the story, but it's a cool title anyway IMO.The epic's plot was decent. I'd say my favorite chapters were 19 and 20. I just find it fascinating in stories when characters deal with their subconscious in the forms of past friends and enemies. It's a good excuse to bring back dead characters temporarily, too :P .The plot twist with Amtra really being Ceyvim in disguise was well done. I honestly wasn't expecting it, especially because it was stressed early on that no one knew where Ceyvim was or if he was even still alive. Good job there.I must say, though, that I wasn't a big fan of the protagonists. None of them seem particularly fleshed out or deep, save for Talise, who got the most development out of all of them. I'd say she was the real protagonist of the story, even though Landrak was team leader. Even then, though, I didn't really feel for Talise. Maybe you should have made her more important earlier than you did.My favorite character was probably Veladri. From the time he was introduced to his tragic suicide, he was easily the most interesting and dynamic (pun unintended) character in the story. I actually felt sad when the Vapseron "killed" him the first time and was definitely sad when he killed himself. Again, good job, because you made me, the reader, care about your character, which is what all good writers strive to do.My biggest complaint, though, is your apparent aversion to the dialogue tag "said." Occasionally using other words, such as "asked" for questions, is okay, but you used the word "said" as a dialogue tag maybe four times throughout the entire 40 chapter story, probably less. You replaced it with annoying and illogical dialogue tags like "smiled," "smirked," "grinned," "frowned," and so on.Thing is, dialogue tags need to be invisible. They should not draw attention to themselves. Their sole purpose should be to inform the reader who is speaking. Because "said" has a long and proven history in literature, readers automatically don't notice it when it is used. They do notice when it is replaced by new dialogue tags, though, and it does nothing but remind them that they are reading little ink squiggles on paper or a computer screen, the exact opposite effect the writer is trying to achieve.In other words, "said" is extremely important in keeping the reader interested and immersed in the story. You'd have to have a good reason -- a very good reason -- for not using it, and as far as I can tell, you really didn't have a good reason for this particular story other than you apparently disliked "said."Besides, people do not "smirk" things. They "say" things. They can say things while smirking, but that's completely different from "smirking" something (whatever that means).Not that you should never, never, ever use other dialogue tags. As I said before, I consider "asked" an acceptable substitue for questions, but even then, use it only rarely and sparingly. If possible, use "said" exclusively, but again, other dialogue tags are okay in scarcity.Besides that, though, I enjoyed the story overall, even though it seems more like an original story than a true BIONICLE fanfic. You explored the story and its world deeply enough to satisfy the reader, even going as far as the afterlife. The characters, particularly the protagonists, could have used more work, but all in all a good story :) .-TNTOS-
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