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Kevin Owens


Cooking with the Comrade: Weaboo Edition


Smeag used to do a thing on his blog where he would post recipes, and it was great. But there was one thing wrong with it: the recipes were occasionally HEALTHY JUNK for SISSIES.


I'm here to compete with food for REAL, RED-BLOODED AMERICANS.




Ah yes. Sushi. A Japanese delicacy enjoyed around the world. It’s extraordinarily popular, and some would say that only a true cretin would not enjoy it. You know what I say?


Pump that garbage in another man’s face! Seaweed as the outter wrapping? If I wanted seaweed I would go down to the ocean and stand in the water with my mouth open. Which I wouldn’t. Because it’s stupid to eat seaweed. Rice as the bulk? Who eats rice anyway? Weaboos who can’t stop espousing the virtues of glorious Nippon. Raw fish in the center? Didn’t your mama ever tell you not to eat raw meat? What a horrible idea for a food.


Well never fear. Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto, because you’re cooking with the Comrade now!




Rev up that grill, because I am hungry for some meat! Ain’t no raw fish junk in this dish!




Awh yeah. All dat meat. Also notice the god tier blue powerade in the background. So good.




Fun fact: Bacon is my waifu.




I don’t have a problem with bacon. Bacon has a problem with me. We’ll be using this instead of that nasty fish food known as sea weed.




Mac and cheese. You know that when you’re cooking with lunar you don’t go for that homemade garbage. You make it straight from the box no questions asked.


Now let’s assemble our meat sushi!




Bar-b-Que boneless spare ribs in the center for the standard affair. My mouth is already watering.




For those of you who want a little more kick here’s some with buffalo chicken in the center.




There was supposed to be some here with jumalaya and sausage, but the bacon couldn’t hold out due how to the amazing the idea. Pro tip: If you want to do this yourself make sure to use extra bacon.




Now look at that. Tell me that doesn’t look better than that weaboo junk I posted at the start. This? This is American.

Hoo rah!



Recommended Comments

Whut is zis, comrade? Obviously you are in need of re-education after too long spent in capitalist America! To Siberia you go!

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I feel like even reading this more than once will give me a heart attack.

I'll report back


EDIT: You know, my chest kind ofsscvarehbfagkjffffffdghfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

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