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Chris: The Musical

Turakii #1 Lavasurfer


Story Factory meme thingy!



1. Load up Windows Media Player or MP3 player or some such thingy

2. Que your entire library, or the longest playlist you have

3. Turn on shuffle

4. Write down the first ten songs that come up

5. Somehow find a way to connect them into something resembling logical sense

6. You can use either the actual song content or just the titles (I'm personally using just titles)



1. Enough - Chris Tomlin


Once upon a time, there was a teenaged guy named Chris whose mom, every single morning, would give him a big old bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast. Big bowl of sauerkraut! Every single morning! It was driving him crazy! Until one day, his sanity gave out and he stomped downstairs with his sneakers hanging off his ears and a hairbrush sticking out of his sock, wearing nothing but a fluffy pink tutu (and the sock). He dashed into the middle of the kitchen, threw apart his arms, and bellowed, "ENOUGH! ENOUGH!"



2. Decay Mode - Valve


Unhappily for Chris, he then discovered that he had somehow walked into and spent the night in a cliche decaying haunted house by mistake. The skeletons and ghosts and wizards looked at him with expressions resembling "O_o," and he muttered something about "Those darn buses, never letting you know which one's your stop..." before sneaking out the door.



3. Never Let This Go - Paramore


It so happens that ghosts and skeletons not only have very long memories (which they need, seeing as they live pretty much forever and all), but also digital cameras and their own personal websites. Chris was unaware of this fact until every one of the pictures had been uploaded to a page titled "lol a guy in a tutu."



4. I Will - Sowelu


Chris frantically went to Google and searched "ways to get skeletons and ghosts to delete embarrassing photos off their websites without angering them into haunting you for the rest of your short days." He was fortunate enough to find a helpful website, which informed him that the best way to get on any skeleton's good side is to show that you tolerate and embrace their differences by joining into their family.


In an attempt to save his dignity at any cost, Chris returned to the haunted mansion (properly dressed this time) and dropped to his knees in front of the skeleton chief. "Your highness! I have come to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage!"



5. Kom Hall Om Mig - Caramel


Sadly, this was simply not Chris's lucky day. As it so happened, the skeleton chief had never had any daughters and this was a very sore subject with him. Chris went home followed by a parade of disgruntled ghosts and skeletons, all of which stayed closer to him than the creepiest stalker, and moaned, groaned, and yodeled all night. After three sleepless weeks and a lot of strange looks at work, he knew that there was no help for it -- it was time to flee to Sweden.



6. Rest - Skillet


At last! With a sigh of contentment, he enjoyed what had to be the most delicious sleep he had ever tasted. The ghosts and skeletons had protested loudly as he boarded the plane, having grown rather attached to him (not that it was mutual), but none of them had renewed their passports in several decades and were stuck waving their handkerchiefs mournfully. Their saddened faces haunted his mind for a moment, but were quickly buried under a barrage of blissful Zs.



7. Come Right Out And Say It


So Chris lived there and did stuff and such and such, and then he met this amazing girl and dated her for two whole weeks and then proposed but then, gasp! Drama! There was something that she utterly refused to tell him! What could it be!? Tearing up his pillows in agony, beating his head against the wall, and staring at her while holding a big sign with a sadface emoticon on it had had no effect! There was only one thing left to do... ask her to come right out, and... say it.



8. Concrete Girl - Switchfoot


Chris was shocked beyond belief. After knowing her for so long -- fourteen days, two weeks, one fortnight! A century in mayfly terms! -- how could he never have known!? How could she have kept it quiet for all that time!? But now that he knew the truth, there was no way to do anything but accept it -- she was a statue.



9. Magical Picture Books - Final Fantasy (Chocobo Tales)


After tearfully kissing her stone feet goodbye, he staggered down the street, certain he could never love again. Although his parents had warned him about girls with hearts of stone, he had always brushed it away... yet now... but that was all behind him. He buried his face in a handkerchief and sobbed. However, it is very difficult to see where you are going when your face is buried in a handkerchief, and before he had a chance to remove it, he had tripped over a cobblestone and fallen facefirst into a magical picture book that just happened to be there for some reason, and been teleported to another dimension.



10. The Water Buffalo Song - Veggietales


Chris sat up, unable to believe his eyes. Water buffalo of every color pranced, twirled, and spun gracefully among the tulips in a display of grace and poise he never thought water buffalo could have! His eyes grew wide with wonder. As he stared and stared, eyes as big as plates, a water buffalo came up behind him and put a hoof on his shoulder.


"Look here, sonny," said the water buffalo, pointing to a sign, "Don't you see that this here's private property?"


"But," said Chris, eyes tearing up again, "This place is so beautiful..."


The water buffalo looked him up and down, then nodded knowingly. "I see... sonny, have you always felt that maybe you don't belong? That you don't really... fit in? That maybe, all this time, you've been something you weren't meant to be?"


Chris gasped. "Do you mean... I'm really a water buffalo!?"


"No, you ninny," said the water buffalo. "Have you ever looked in the mirror!? Gosh!"


"I know," Chris admitted, "But I was hoping that it could magically turn out I was one and then I could live here and this could end happily ever after."


"I don't see how that's going to work, seeing as you're not a buffalo and all," said the water buffalo. "But hey, here's what I'll do. I've got a spare coupon for a Whopper Jr. at Macdonalds -- you just take it right over there and get yourself a nice burger so we can go back to dancing in peace, okay?"


"Okay!" Chris happily took the coupon, hugged it, and skipped through the tulips to the Macdonalds as the credits music began to play in the background.


The End


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I only have four songs on my playlist, but here goes...


The Tommy that wasn't deaf, dumb, or blind...


Livin On A Prayer- Bon Jovi

Tommy used to work on the docks, but with the union on strike things are tough and his wife has to work at a diner.


Bohemian Rhapsody- Queen

So apparently Tommy killed somebody and cried to his momma and then was executed by a bizarre singing court who made him mad.


The instrumental to Song of Love by Rebecca St. James- twice, in two different keys

So then Christian music played.

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iTunes, everything else is for silly people.

it's a nice idea though, here's my try at the cba edition:


Morning Rain - Trisector

Early morning in the town of Quahog, Peter Griffin went out in the rain to get something from the shop. Out of no where, he was tripped from behind.


Airborne - Marcus Intalex

he flew through the air and landed with a skid


Headlock - High Contrast Remix

before he could get to his feet, the giant chicken had him in a headlock


Survival Of The Fittest - Utah Jazz

he wrestled free and got into his stance, it was survival of the fittest now


Evah - Jonny L

thus ensued a fight scene that seemed to go on forevah


Transporter - Logistics

as they were fighting, they caused a large vehicle crash


Chemicals - MRSA

one of the vehicles was containing dangerous chemicals, which spilt on the giant chicken who sizzled an died. Peter walked off towards the horizon, battered an bruised.


Inspired by Family guy, music from This Is Drum + Bass [Disc 1], mixed and selected by High Contrast, all rights reserved.

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The "Soundtrack To Your Life" version of this was okay, but this is just weird.


Let's do it!


Unyielding - Martin O'Donnell


There once was a great warrior known only as John. In all his battles, he fought with the strength of ten men, never yielding to the forces of evil.


Phenomenon - TobyMac


One day, he was asked to help battle a monstrous creature brought through supernatural phenomenon by an evil wizard. As always, he didn't hesitate to accept the call.


Death of Me - Red


But he didn't know the wizard had called this monster specifically to fight John, as the first step to conquer the land. The beast was the greatest any man had ever seen; surely it would be the death of him.


Above All - Michael W. Smith


When John reached the beast, he saw firsthand what he was dealing with. The monstrosity towered above all the men, trees, and buildings. For the first time in many years, he was uncertain if he could defeat this foe.


We Live - Superchick


But John knew he had to face it. Long ago, when he first became a warrior, he took the sacred oath, chanting it with his fellow knights: "We live to fight any threat to peace within any land to which we are called; may we die fighting for what is right."


Move - Thousand Foot Krutch


The creature made his move first. It swung its massive sword at John, narrowly missing when the warrior dodged to the side. John used various weapons and strategies against the beast, but nothing seemed to affect it.


Strong Tower - Kutless


So he decided to go with a different plan: if he could not destroy the beast, then he could destroy it's master. The wizard lived in a massive tower surrounded by dark clouds a few miles away, so he mounted his horse and rode off with the monster in close pursuit.


Sunny Days - Jars Of Clay


When he at last reached the tower, he ran into it, quickly clearing each floor of the wizard's forces in his ascent. The beast remained outside, unable to attack John lest he also hurt his master or his tower. When John reached the summit, he and the wizard fought long and hard for what seemed like an eternity, until John finally emerged victorious. The monster returned to whence it came in a display of fire and smoke; the clouds cleared and the sun shown once again on the valley.


Presence (My Heart's Desire) - Newsboys


But John was not unhurt. The battle with the wizard had sapped his strength, and his numerous wounds weighed down upon him. He lay in the valley, thinking only of his heart's one desire: his beloved wife Catherine. And so, at long last, he died with her name on his lips.


Grace and Love - Kutless


When the news of his passing reached his hometown, there was great mourning from all the people. They built him a great monument that praised his deeds of might in battle. But Catherine remembered him not as a warrior, but as a loving husband and father. And so she raised his son, Joshua, to be a man who loved all men, and spoke of peace rather than war.


Well, that was easier than I thought it would be. And it makes sense! ...kinda.


~ :t: :a: :r: :k: :a: :n: :a:

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:kaukau:Dangit, Living on a Prayer and Bohemian Rhapsody came to mind, but then Kaitan had to go and use them, so now I can't claim to be original.


Anyways, I'll try to come up with a story as interesting as yours, Turakii, but later. By the way, I must criticize: If he lived with his mother, wouldn't he have to ask her permission to go and live in Sweden? That was so unrealistic, it ruined the entire story for me!


Your Honor,

Emperor Kraggh

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If I only had Evanescence on my laptop, would that be OK?


But I can't do that. It would be ruining something I love.

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1. Viva La Vida - Coldplay


Once upon a time Matoro died. He missed his life. He thought that it was fun. So he asked, "I wanna come back to life". Then the chicken noob genie asked him "lyk srsly r u shure?"


2. Dare to be Stupid - Weird Al Yankovic


"Yeah," said Matoro. "thats lyk kinda stoopid," insisted the chicken noob genie. But Matoro had had enough, and leapt right off of the page.


"stoopid," clucked the chicken noob genie.


3. Cedars of Lebanon - U2


Matoro landed with a " Yayz!1!!11!1!" in some kind of big tree. "Where am I?" he wondered. So he used his giant atlas to turn the world into Atlas view. "Lebanon," he said. "That makes sense."


4. I'm So Sick of You - Weird Al Yankovic


Then guess who appeared?


"You again?" Matoro asked with joy. Then he slapped the narrator. "You again?" Matoro groaned.


"yes itz lyk me," said the chicken noob genie. "i still think ur stoopid"


"I'm sick of you," muttered Matoro as he stalked towards it with a fork...


5. Reawakening - Danny Elfman


Suddenly Matoro disappeared. "o yayz it wurkd" said the chicken noob genie. Matoro was still in Karda Nui, except he was awake.


6. Got to be there - Michael Jackson


With a loud pop, the chicken noob genie appeared in the form of Vamprah. Matoro screamed.


"no sily itz jusst me"


Matoro stabbed it with a fork. It bled chewed-up gum.


7. Jango's Escape - John Williams


Suddenly, some guy named Jango appeared. He ran away. Jango escaped!


"dat wuz pointles" said the chicken noob genie.


"You're a walking cliche," complained Matoro.


8. Cable TV - Weird Al Yankovic


But the chicken noob genie was not listening. It was watching TV.


"Here's where I escape," thought Matoro.


9. Zam the Assassin and the Chase Through Coruscant - John Williams


Then Matoro got shot by some Makuta named Zam. "Coruscant!" he yelled.


"by by" said the chicken noob genie, not once looking up from his TV.


10. Unknown Caller - U2


Now, Matoro is doomed to work as an Optimum phone operator for all eternity. The end.


"the end" said the chicken noob genie.

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