MERRY CHRISTMAS KIDS

The biggest on-going lie in history, though are you sure its wise to mention that here? What with all the younger people.

[i'm assuming they're clever enough to see through the lie. -Lhikevikk]

OMG SANTAS NOT REAL???!!

jk

Meh I loved that story, it made christmas more special then just buying people gifts from walmart lol

--

Lord Oblivion

p.s. christmas colors FTW :3

Bow down!

Bow down!

Before the power of Santa!

Or be crushed!

Be crushed!

By the jolly boots of doom!

Yeah, lying to little kids FTW!

> 55555

1 Nobody can be good all year.

2 How can he be at every mall in the country and take pictures with all these people at once?

3 How does he know if I've been good? hehe.png

4 Why do parents lie to their kids?

5 What if I don't have a chimney?

6 Why don't homeless kids get anything?

7 What if I ask for $1,000,000 in cash? B)

He only becomes fake when you stop believing in him!

My parents also told me if I touch a hot stove, it will hurt, but what if they were lying about that too!

Or, what if people like this tradition and its fun for everybody?

1 Nobody can be good all year.

2 How can he be at every mall in the country and take pictures with all these people at once?

3 How does he know if I've been good? hehe.png

4 Why do parents lie to their kids?

5 What if I don't have a chimney?

6 Why don't homeless kids get anything?

7 What if I ask for $1,000,000 in cash? B)

1. The general belief is that Santa only counts naughtiness from December, although you could also say that he weighs ALL of our good and bad deeds over the entire year, and whichever is in surplus decides our being good or bad.

2. Santa runs the "mall-santa" business. All children's requests are digitally recorded and fed to the North Pole. Santa said in a press conference in October that he is considering using clones of himself by 2014.

3. Santa owns over 70,000 businesses across the world. Almost everything in your home has a "child monitor" that detects a child in the house, and immediately begins recording their actions.

4. Inflammatory religious-based comment removed. -B6

5. You know that one top-secret military base with all the rumours and conspiracy theories surrounding it? That is actually Santa's "technology-testing Headquarters." People say they're testing anti-gravity there. That is because Santa is under pressure from PETA to stop relying on the endagered angravitus reignydeerus and move on to technology less cruel towards animals. He also had a teleportation device invented in 1936, which he uses to get into all houses now, since every uses their fireplace to hold candles now.

6. Santa Claus was blackmailed by the U.S. Government to stop giving presents to homeless children, as a plot to eradicate their worthless smelly, and poorly dressed behinds from the planet, resulting in a clean world where only honest hard-working people live.

7. Santa would use the hypno-itius 3700.02.57.08 (subject to change) to lock you into a deep sleep, proceed to slap your face for thirty minutes, and would yell into you ear that he is NOT Publisher's Clearing House.

That said, I believe in Santa until I was thirteen, and I'm DARN proud of it! Child-like innocense is the best thing there is!

I stopped believing when I was... three or four, I forget. It was Christmas Eve, and while I was in bed, I heard my mom rushing to the car telling my dad she "forgot to buy a present."

I didn't care that he wasn't real. In fact, I found it more of a relief that there wasn't some fat guy sliding down our chimney at night, snooping around my house, eating our food, and leaving stuff behind. More so it just made me appreciate my parents more.

Santa goes down your chiminy. He leaves presents under the tree. He eats the milk and cookies. Then he steals your big-screen, eats you ham for Christmas dinner, farts in A bottle and leaves it on the table, and allows the riendeer to urinate on the roof.

Ho, ho, ho.

I AM SANTA.

FOR POSTING THIS ENTRY YOU WON'T GET ANY GIFTS THIS YEAR.

HO HO NO

When I was 7 is when i stopped believing. I had gotten a gift from "Santa" and when it broke my mom pulled out the recipt from walmart and we brought it back. Thats why I don't believe in him anymore.

Who knows what else they lie so blatently about.

In before 'The Cake is a lie'...

... The Cake is a lie. =P

[That particular phrase is considered leet, you know. -Lhikevikk]

What ever happened to Christmas Spirit?

(Or tradition, as the case may be. )

I'm quite glad my parents never lied to me about Santa and the Easter bunny. Yes, sure we played with them, but they always told me they were fake. =)

Also yes I did just pull the Easter bunny into this. Shoot me.

When I was 7 is when i stopped believing. I had gotten a gift from "Santa" and when it broke my mom pulled out the recipt from walmart and we brought it back. Thats why I don't believe in him anymore.

I stopped believing when I was ten.

Santa's not real!?!?

NOOOOOO...

My parents told me 'the truth' when I was twelve or thirteen. Yeah, it was late, but at that point I don't think I cared much, anyway.

Now I suppose my dad ate all the cookies we left out. A devilish trick, that was. >

Also yes I did just pull the Easter bunny into this. Shoot me.

*takes aim and fires*

I detest Christmas. It is one of the most materialistic, greedy, and fowl Holidays of them all. For your info, any parent who plays the "Santa"

game outside of jokes and laughs are horrifying to me. Not to say that they are bad people, I do not mean to offend, but merely that if they pressure

their kids to put milk and cookies under the trees and mention Santa more than just around Christmas, then they have no respect for their child,

and only see him as "this cute, darling thing who just got his gifts from Santa! Look! Santa even ate the cookies we baked for him!"

How the heck this holiday came to be as it is today, I do not know, but I do know that it is an abomination,

and we should, if Christian, celebrate the birth of Jesus, and if not, just go over to a family member's home and have dinner together.

But no, instead they bring in this Red-Coated Elf Guy to fuel the Cheap plastic junk industry.

Think about it. Us richer countries, mainly America,

celebrate this horrid holiday as a day of "moar stuff MOOOOOOOAARRRRR!" when instead we should celebrate

our good fortune in having enough money to give gifts freely to others, not celebrate the gain of wealth.

And then the marketing industry had to go off and invent Santa, that horrific mascot of ignorance, materialism and greed.

Childhood innocence is one thing, childhood lies and ignorance are another.

The above statement is kinda true.

Santa wasn't completely invented by the marketing industry, in fact he was loosely based on a real guy. Course, the original story, which involved a fourth-century Christian bishop sneaking gifts into children's shoes was eventually twisted into the insult to sanity we have today.

(Please ignore the fact that my entire blog is an insult to sanity for the purposes of this discussion.)

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. But there ARE 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has seen.

 

2. There are 2 billion children (under 18) in the world. But since Santa doesn`t appear to handle Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist and Jewish children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total- 378 million or so. At an average rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

 

3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west. This works out to 822.6 visits per second.

 

* This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining gifts under the tree, eat the snacks, get back up the chimney, get back in the sleigh, and move on to the next house.

 

* Assuming that each of these 91.8 million homes are distributed evenly (which we know to be false but for the sake of these calculations we will accept) we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops.

 

* This means that Santa`s sleigh is traveling at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the speed of sound. For comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe moves at a poky 27.4 MPS; the average reindeer runs at 15 MPH.

 

4. The sleigh's payload adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.

 

* On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point one) could pull TEN TIMES the usual amount, we can not do the job with 8 or even 9. We need 214,000 reindeer. This increases the weight, not even counting the sleigh, to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison this is 4 times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth 2.

 

5. A mass of 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer in the same manner as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each.

 

* In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the next pair of reindeer, and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousands of a second.

 

* Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times the force of gravity. A 300 pound Santa would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

 

6. Conclusion: There was a Santa, but he's dead now. Merry Christmas!

geekitron, CHRISTIAN people believe in the CHRISTAN WORK ETHIC. this is mine, i worked for it, why do i give it to you. i'll give it to my kid, because i love him. i don't love this random stranger in africa, so i won't work my butt off for him.

thus, christmas.

the rest of you bandwagoners? i got nothin to say about you. he's right about you.