The BIONICLE are a new form of LEGO toys with an unusual twist - they are not actually made of LEGO. Well, not LEGO

, anyways. Instead, they are made of "ball joints," "axles," and other weird things that claim to be LEGO. They come with mystical "Kanohi Masks" which, give them extraordinary powers, such as the Kanohi Mask Of Keeping A LEGO Brand Alive For All Eternity, or the Kanohi Mask Of Body Odor.

 

These artificial, pint-sized cyborgs are charged with protecting the mystical island resort of Mata Nui, the incredible metropolis of Metru Nui, and all other places in the Bionicle Universe, including Maui Nui, New Nui, Nui Nui, old Nui, and DC Nui. They also protect the Almighty Great Spirit Mata Nui, which the island Mata Nui is named after to confuse the flipping heck out of us.

It was 1999, and all was going swell for LEGO. They had just created the a deal with Lucasfilm that allowed them to produce Star Wars Lego sets until after the Second Coming, and they had decided to celebrate by inventing a new brand. To figure out what this brand could be about, they held a meeting, where the CEO of LEGO noticed Greg Farshtey, the janitor, playing with some Pokemon cards. "Aha!" cried the CEO. "That's it! We'll come up with some collectibles kids can trade around." To come up with a story behind the collectibles, he decided to promote Greg to the job of Resident Nerd. Greg has since written the entire gigantic BIONICLE storyline singlehandedly, and entirely without any help, thereby definitively proving that some people just don't have much of a life.

 

After Greg was put in charge of the story, the next decision was what the collectibles should be. LEGO eventually settled on masks, and the BIONICLE got moving shortly afterwards. They infiltrated the homes of every LEGO fan in America, Britain, Denmark and probably some other countries as well. At the centerpiece of BIONICLE were the six Toa, whom were packaged in weird little boxes Lego called "Canisters."

 

When they reviewed their sales of 2001, LEGO saw how effective the idea of six models sold in cans was, and decided to release another series of models, the Bohrok, as enemies for the first models. Then, they released another load of Bohrok, this time shiny and, apparently, cooler. People complained, obviously, but LEGO didn't care. They now had a franchise, and a mission: Milk as much money out of it as possible. So, they proceeded to revamp the originals, and then continued to release 6 packs of models, all conveniently packaged in color-coded canisters.

The BIONICLE models themselves were a tad miffed about LEGO's artistic ability. Why couldn't those morons be inventive? They lodged a complaint, but LEGO didn't care. The models then said "screw LEGO" and quit just as the 2008 sets reached the shelves, taking the 2008ers with them. So, LEGO moved BIONICLE to another planet, and created some new characters. But the new characters got angry when they saw how overpriced they were, so they quit BIONICLE too, and joined up with the other characters. They all formed an alliance to kill any future characters, so LEGO was forced to end BIONICLE, and start making Ben 10 toys. As you can imagine, Lego's CEO was

.