Jump to content

Blogarithm

  • entries
    1,182
  • comments
    8,197
  • views
    256,920

Bionicle - An Outsider's Perspective - Part Iii


Sumiki

235 views

As promised, todays entry in "an outsider's perspective" deals mainly with the bad guys of BIONICLE.

 

Bad Guys

The Makuta
: Also known as Makuta Teridax, the Master of Shadows, and Terry, Makuta is an insane sociopath and leader of the Brotherhood of Makuta whom the supposedly wise Mata Nui put in charge of protecting the Matoran. He's also the Rahkshi's father and a heavy smoker. He's died a few times but keeps coming back in a new form every year through a convenient plot twist.

“So this guy is Rahkshi's father. Who cares? Who's the
mother
, that's what I want to know.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Makuta

A while ago, Terry was the brother of Mata Nui, and was just as cool, but after he was blamed for his bro's coma he went insane and decided to take over the world, as you do. Oh yeah, and he succeeded, thanks to a gigantic, diabolical plan, a plan more grand-scale than Darth Sidious's plan for taking over the galaxy, and more confusing than Albus Dumbledore's plan to defeat Vouldemort. Since then, he's taken to wearing a T-Shirt with "I'M EVIL" written on it, just to make it clear.

Makuta
: A bunch of evil guys who are apparently different guys than the other Makuta, named by the same geniuses who gave us the Mata Nuis.

Rahkshi
: Named themselves in hopes that their enemies would choke to death trying to say their names. In fact, the Seventh Rahkshi, Ahkhackhadrahk (do not attempt to pronounce) died naming himself, and was never able to combat the Seventh Toa, leaving the other Rahkshi outnumbered. These are the ones that screamed "ENGLISH, HOMIES!" at you while shining a torch in your eyes. Let's not talk about them.

Bohrok
: Mindless drones designed to fight the original Toa. They could roll up to be stored easily, and their brains could be removed for reprogramming (how convienent!). The Bohrok Kal were one of a kind, the elite, the ones telling them what to do. They were all built the same for ease of manufacture, but they otherwise held little use as a toy (Of course, everyone bought them anyway). A few years ago, it was revealed that these guys were actually good, and were supposed to ravage and destroy the island of Mata Nui. Confusing, huh?

Vahki
: Currently, the Vahki just patrol the streets like your average cop. The only difference is that these guys are evil robots.

“Wait, more law enforcers? We ARE law enforcers! Okay, so they can do yoga, and shoot razor-bladed disks from their mouths, but that's redundant. Make 'em sort the boxes in the warehouse, and do the paper work.”

~ Toa Whenua Metru on Vahki, shortly before he was hit by a Staff of Do-What-I-Say and told to jump in a river.

Visorak
: With names like Oogarakh, Vohtaratark, and Keelerakark, these spider-like monsters were created in a lab, by a Matoran scientist with one insane, cruel, evil goal: To make creatures with names even more unpronounceable than the Rahkshi. They were used to push things around and do menial labour, but after one too many complaints of webbing left everywhere, they left. Watch where you go at night now. They're hungry.

Dark Hunters
: A disfunctional organization of mercenaries. Quite a few of them are scary-looking, but they usually lack the intelligence and or strength to be an actual threat. At first they were enemies of Toa, but later switch to fighting Makuta after Terry "accidently" ran over two with his car while backing out of his driveway. During their "war" the Dark Hunters threw eggs and toilet paper at Terry's house, but they all ran away when he got out his shotgun.

Piraka
: Well, here they are... The world's first ever Gangster Bionicle! Pi-raka, Pi-pi-piraka, Pi-raka, Pi-pi-piraka! This gang of homies get down in da crib, pimping things out and being cool. We don't need no Toa! We've got dreadlocks, they've got silly masks! Foo's won't know what hit 'em. Even if we do live in a garage...

Barraki
: A failed experiment at being more different models, rather than a rehash of a single design. These weirdos now live at the bottom of the sea. Good thing too, because they're as ugly as heck. Don't go near them. EVER. Well, it doesn't matter, because their squid guns don't work very well, so you might be safe. I said
might
.

 

Other Characters

Matoran
: Formally known as the Tohunga until a bunch of guys in huts sued LEGO and LEGO wimped out. As part of The Incomprehensible BIONICLE Saga, they function as things for our heroes to save. As part of LEGO's business plan, they function as cheap moneymakers.

Turaga
: After Toa do whatever job they got assigned to do, they turn into old geezers. This is what happened to the Toa Metru, for example. It didn't stop Vakama from having more "visions," though.

Mata Nu
i: This guy used to be awesome, man. I mean, he outdrunk everyone else and knew all the best jokes and everything. Then he went to a party and decided to have a drinking party against Chuck Norris. He failed, and fell into a coma. He's been like that for six flippin' years, whilst everyone makes up excuses and tries to frame his brother Makuta for the whole thing, claiming he spiked Mata Nui's drink or something.

The Great Beings
: Yeah, yeah, you guessed it. These guys currently cover up the embarrassing nature of Mata Nui's coma, and despite being more powerful than everyone else, are inept and socially unequipped.

Axonn and Brutaka
: Representing the incredibly one-sided battle in BIONICLE between good and evil (See also: Maxilos and Hydraxon, Mazeka and Vultraz), Axonn is a guardian of justice, and Brutaka is a despicable traitor. Oh yeah, and they used to be friends.

 

Tomorrow on "an outsider's perspective", we look at the 2009 characters as well as The Incomprehensible BIONICLE Saga.

4 Comments


Recommended Comments

So this guy is Rahkshi's father. Who cares? Who's the mother, that's what I want to know.

 

I USED THAT CONCEPT IN MY BOOK

Shadix, the main character, is taunting a Rahkshi into attacking him. He asks almost the exactly same question. XD

 

Night Fury

Link to comment
Guest
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...