Outside of liking coffee, this is probably the thing I have received the most criticism on this blog for. Not being obsessed with Mario and giving it "ZOMG 10/10 RATINGS THIS IS THE BEST THING EVUURRRRRR." Well, today, I think I shall take some time to explain why I plain, flat out, don't like Mario, and why I think that 1st person series games such as Halo(that everyone stereotypes as stupid story-lineless sauce), and other Nintendo franchises such as Metroid and Zelda, are all better than Mario.

Story: "SAVE THE PRINCESS!!!" HOORAY. The most original storyline ever!!! Save a princess! Where has "save a princess" been used before, you ask? Gee, just maybe in EVERY FAIRY TALE EVER. So their story's unoriginal. And yeah, while some games can pull off an un-original storyline and still make it ok, the whole main problem with the storyline is that IT'S BEEN THE EXACT SAME THING since the 1980s. 30 years now of the same dumb storyline. Heck, they haven't even tried to change the main villain. It's still a fat turtle/dinosaur combination that takes no more effort to defeat than he did back in 1981 or whenever the heck it was, where all the battle entailed was jumping on an axe. But that's gameplay.

The enemies(smaller enemies) are really just as stupid. Jump on a turtle! Yay! I'm having so much fun! Oh look, LET'S PUT WINGS on a turtle and it'll be awesome!!! Ok, yeah, they aren't meant to be scary, but the thing is Mario villains, and really any character, is nothing short of flat out stupid, and the reason why ANYONE can enjoy this is beyond me.

Gameplay: Well, gameplay, not story, is what determines the true quality of a game, amirite? Sadly, the gameplay's just as dumb and unoriginal. Jumping on people has gotten just as old as the same old story over the past 30 years, and the special "upgrades" that they stick in game either make the game way too easy(fire) or they're just so stupid they're not even fun to use(cloud). The Galaxy additions really haven't done anything to help, especially 2, which I still don't see WHY everyone rants over it. Was it a good game? Yeah, it was "good" in the sense that it was good for a game with no story, but it was nowhere near a 10/10.

In addition, the boss fights are so easy they're not even fun. Take Galaxy 2, the "ZOMG 10/10 WE LUV IT." The giant worm boss is so pathetically easy it can literally be beaten in 20 seconds(not including cutscenes). And you don't need to be any sort of master at the game to do it either. Also, they re-used the same boss fight THREE TIMES. If that isn't the definition of un-originality, I don't know what is.

Now, for why the other games I've stated are better.

Firstly, other games attempt to have a story, and they attempt to make it original. I find it hilarious how Mario fans stereotype Halo as being a regular shooter, when in fact it's easily dozens of times more diverse in it's story and gameplay than Mario will ever be.

First, I'll focus on story. Halo's story is so large and expansive that it has a freaking series of BOOKS written about it. Metroid has a story that books could be written on if the series was popular enough. Same with Zelda, although I will admit Ganon is getting repetitive. Mario is the only Nintendo franchise where there is no attempt at any sort of original story whatsoever, and that makes it way less exciting to play.

Now for gameplay. Halo involves shooting. It also involves flying and driving, as well as choosing the right tactic to get through an area. "Do I sneak through? Go in on a blaze of glory? etc. etc." Mario is the same thing every single time. Run through an area, don't get hit by Boos, jump on a Koopas head. Boring. The powerups do very little to relieve boredom. Jumping on clouds? Whoopee. Rolling into a ball? Metroid beat you on that one by about 23 years. Wasn't all that entertaining then, sure as heck isn't now. Flying? Hooray, we just made the pathetic difficulty even EASIER.

Metroid is a prime example of diverse gameplay. There's exploring segments. There's puzzle solving segments. There's fighting segments, and there's a fun and unique story in it as well. With Mario, there's no exploring. There's always a straight, single direction to go to, and while you can replay levels, it gives this annoying feel that you're always being forced in the same direction. It's way too linear for a game that has this little uniqueness.

And in short, that's why I dislike Mario, think it's the most overrated thing ever, and I'm out.

-MT