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Arch-Angel

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Blog Entries posted by Arch-Angel

  1. Arch-Angel
    For a time I felt secure. I had friends I could laugh with, friends I could trust, knees that wouldn't hurt, Pepsi that wouldn't be out of reach (<-dang good time), and I had a home in an apartment building and not homeless like we were in danger of being fourteen months back. It was another chapter in my life, the time where Jon's life seemed happy. Unfortunately, whenever the next chapter began, after conquering the endeavors of the previous chapters, he would be back in another trial of life. The peace and happiness he had left, now he is more loose in anger and sorrow. He hates sorrow, hated how misery became his posse. He enjoys superkicking misery time and time again, but misery carried an iron jaw.
     
    Stubborn friend.
     
    (back to first person)
     
    The rain is around, the clouds discourage. It's psychological really; dark and gloomy weather brings depression in forecast while the sun is bright and shining, and the light brings happiness and smiles on faces. Though I am conscious of this fact, my heart is still aching.
     
    Hey Wrinkled Lion, what's up? Thought I'd catch you off guard in my blog, knowing you don't like my dreadful entries of depression and how I complain and yada yada yada. I'd send you some offensive sign language considering I'm in that mood, but Omi's always on me about my blog (and I don't blame him. It's his job) and I guess it wouldn't be the most mature thing to do.
     
    It'd be the humane thing to do.
     
    You've heard the sentence maybe a hundred times:
     
    "I have no friends."
     
    Now you usually hear the discouraged person speak that, and it's truly a lie, an accidental lie. What they probably mean is that they have friends to laugh with, but none to cry with. Now I know you guys out there tell me I have to I could talk to, but come on. You're hundreds of miles away, and the closest one of you all is Mojjy who lives in western Mass, and the only reason I'd go there would be for Six Flags.
     
    I don't really have anyone I can have fun with and talk to anytime I want at the moment, and I feel quite lonely. I don't have anyone but my Spanish teacher to vent to, and was one time two weeks ago... and it's my bloody Spanish teacher.
     
    I love my family. Love my mom, love my sister. Though sometimes I just don't like my sister, and my mom is too overprotective of me and doesn't trust the fact that I'm a straightedge. I'm sixteen, after going this long without a cigarette or a drop of alcohol, I deserve a freakin' merit badge with the crud I have to deal with everyday. I can't hang out with people cause I don't smoke, and I don't plan on buying Glen a pack of a cigarettes at Store 24 because I look like I can pass as 18 with my 5 o'clock shadow, I don't want to party with the cute girls and drink until my liver is tired and my brain demands I vomit, I don't want to change the way I look to fit into one crowd (because if you wear American Eagle or Hollister, you're a tool and deserve to die! [/sarcasm]), I don't want to listen to one kind of music, I don't want to shave my head bald and hate others, I don't want to fight people I don't know, I don't want to tell people who to be, and I sure as heck don't want anyone talking smack about me.
     
    I'm just lonely, dang it.
     
    There was this one person, but I'm not even sure if she's even alive. I'm tempted to add another dove to the first content block.
     
    After watching Madagascar 2 with my mom and sis, on the way home as my sister went on to my mom about the mechanic at the Toyota Dealership who is apparently stupid and can't fix the noise she keeps hearing, I found myself doing something.
     
    I was thinking about what I would write to each individual I know. Suicide letters.
     
    Suicide. It sounds so bad. It is, really. Some people think it's a horrid thing, some a disgraceful thing, others- not a thought in the world about it. Me? I don't know. It's something I've thought of a lot in my life. I've tried writing my own goodbye letter but my hand was shaking wildly and I quit on it and torn up the letter, thinking of my mom and how much she'd die inside.
     
    I hate the mere thought, but I want to tell everyone everything I've thought about them. I want to tell this one girl, though she already knows it, that I love her blue eyes and how they stand out from her black hair, that I could stare into them for as long as I could, if I could. I want to tell her boyfriend that he's lucky to have such a pretty girl as his own. I want to tell another girl that I'm sorry we couldn't be friends and that she's just too mean around people she doesn't know to even so much give them a chance. I want to tell another girl (TOO MANY GIRLS) that I enjoyed the time we were together as friends but the smack she talks isn't justified and that she has to less affected by the amount of crud around her or she'll burst into emotional flames. I want to tell another friend that life can be fair, so long as you stay fair and people will treat you nice if you treat them nice. I want to tell this one girl I liked her for her brains, and her looks didn't matter. I want to tell another girl that she isn't the witch she thinks she is, just amazingly honest to the point (no matter how sharp that point is). I want to tell this one teacher his method sucks, but it's what makes him so freakin' cool. I want to tell another kid that smoking will kill him, not a bullet or knife, because those things haven't come yet. I want to tell you love birds out there how to get a girl, but you're relying on inexperience of the people that you think knows what they're doing instead, but I understand why you'd do that (and it makes me chuckle sometimes at the sad fact, and I just chuckled right now). I want to tell another guy to stop thinking overtly about himself and look at other people's problems, and turning on the TV to watch the news isn't a bad idea either, you moron. I want to tell this girl that I like her a lot because she's smart and pretty, but I don't love her, because she's meant for someone more honest and open. I want to tell another girl that she's so smart and pretty, and I hope she finds the English rockstar stud she's hoping to find. I want to tell another girl that I wish I could hold her and tell her I'll be fine and I'll never forget her, and-
     
    I need a Pepsi, badly. I need something.
     
    Unfortunately, I won't selfishly kill myself. I fear my spiritual beliefs got me in the end, because thinking of others and the result of my death didn't work. Thank the Lord (literally).
     
    Well, another day will come. The sun will rise, the sun will set, and I'll be alive, I bet.
     
    Please, don't comment with stuff saying I can cry on your shoulder via PM or IM. I need someone I can physically be with and hug tight.
     
    Should I buy a teddy bear?
     
    I dunno.
     
    Peace out, and by 'peace out', I mean the end of this entry, not my life.
     
    ~AA
  2. Arch-Angel

    Summer Marathon

    By Arch-Angel,

    I plan to exercise constantly as to get in (literally) a better shape. I'm overweight, not obese, but I will admit, I got more flab than anything else on me right now, and when I look at myself in the mirror with my shirt off, belly round and manboobs included (not extremely people, come on now) I don't want that.
     
    Now before, I was in much better shape. In June 2007, I started running in the woods to lose baggage and to look better to appeal to the opposite sex. Exercise, eating healthier, wearing clothes that made me look thinner (Hollister). Now, I have a girlfriend that loves me, and I love her back, and motivation started losing its grip. Christmas comes around, and thats the end of the story. FORGET ABOUT IT.
     
    Today, it is June 1st, 2008. I vary from 225 to 230 pounds, like I did last year. October 2007, I weight my lowest that year at 210 pounds. Twenty pounds in five months.
     
    This year, I'm aiming for lower.
     
    By the end of this year, I plan to weight 200 to 210 pounds.
     
    And the weather will help.

    Week 1, June 1st-7th.
     
    One mile run: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Extra running for self enjoyment will NOT be counted.
     
    Week 2, June 8th-14th.
     
    One mile plus half run: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Extra running for self enjoyment will NOT be counted.

    Week 3, June 15th-21st.
     
    One mile plus half run: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Extra running for self enjoyment will NOT be counted.

    Week 4, June 22nd-28th.
     
    Two mile run: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Extra running for self enjoyment will NOT be counted.
     
    Week 5, June 29th-July 5th.
     
    Two mile run: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Extra running for self enjoyment will NOT be counted.

    Week 6, July 6th-12th.
     
    Two mile run: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Extra running for self enjoyment will NOT be counted.

    Week 7, July 13th-19th.
     
    Two mile, one half run: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Extra running for self enjoyment will NOT be counted.
     
    Week 8, July 18th-26th.
     
    Two mile, one half run: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Extra running for self enjoyment will NOT be counted.

    Week 9, July 27th-August 2nd.
     
    Three mile run: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Extra running for self enjoyment will NOT be counted.

    Week 10, August 3rd-9th.
     
    Three mile run: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Extra running for self enjoyment will NOT be counted.

    Week 11, August 10th-16th.
     
    Three mile run: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Extra running for self enjoyment will NOT be counted.

    Week 12, August 17th-23rd.
     
    Three mile run: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Extra running for self enjoyment will NOT be counted.

    Week 13, August 24th-30th.
     
    Three mile, one half run: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Extra running for self enjoyment will NOT be counted.

    Week 14, August 31th-September 6th.
     
    Three mile, one half run: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Extra running for self enjoyment will NOT be counted.
     
    Diet Plan:
     
    Avoid fast food at all costs.
     
    Eat half plate at dinner.
     
    Different fruit.
     
    Milk and cereal(low sugar).
     
    Avoid candies, sweets, et cetera.
     
    Small popcorn and Diet Cola at theaters.
     
     
     
     
    Thats this summer's checklist everyone. Let's hope I do well.
     
    ~AA
  3. Arch-Angel
    Literally.
     
    Is this blog not full of sunshine? [/shamelessployforherblogapproval]
     
    Today had its times... My friend Sarah is helping out with homework more than you can imagine.
     
    Hold up!
     
    Have any of you noticed that in Hollister and Abercrombie & Fitch, and advertise naked people.
     
    THIS IS THE CLOSEST YOU'LL GET TO THEM MODELING WITH CLOTHES ON.
     

     
    Because, ya know, I'm ripped like that...
     
    Stupid advertising... I wear Hollister Tees, but still...
     
    Anyways, back to life.
     
    Today went smoothly enough, still haven't gotten the call back from Barnes & Nobles who said they would today, but I'll call them tomorrow.
     
    I stayed after school actually doing work, which is surprising in and of itself. As I wait for the bus, I converse with my intelligent Japanese friend Josh, and I make the topic about him. I've told my life-changing story way too many times. It got repetitive.
     
    He told me about the time he was in Japan for Thanksgiving with his relatives and witnessed a little boy his size at the time getting beat in an alley way by two teenagers, and how he saw the blood trickle down the kid's face after having a piece of wood smashed on his head, and he took off running. He said he's had countless nights of him waking up from sleep crying because that image played in his head again and again. This wasn't the only traumatic event in his life, and I plan to ask him more about it. He told me that he contemplated suicide and suffers from a lot of depression, and how he finds himself feeling betrayed by his religion. I won't say which religion.
     
    Well, after hearing his story, my respect for him has risen more so. Hope to get to know him more. Seems as if our pasts have similar stories.
     
    So thats all that cares to be interesting. I'll bring in the SotD soon enough.
     
    ~AA
  4. Arch-Angel
    The day has come and gone. Many things happen. The winter has made its last offical attempt to doom New England with a wintery mix (and failed), I think I got maybe a 60-70% on that vocab quiz of Act 2 of MacBeth, the BBC contenders took their campaigning to the blogs, and Omi has left the building.
     
    BZP's doing pretty well, I'd say. Peaceful, calm, a bit boring in the blogs, but hey...
     
    Then I get news that my sister is taking a bus from Minas Gerais to Sao Paulo to see our family.
     
    A bus.
     
    'Whats the big deal?'
     
    You don't know Brazil.
     
    In Brazil, the chances of being robbed on a bus are high. Same with four cars boxing in a bus and forcing it to the side of the road, where the theives proceed into the bus and steal every onuce of cash the riders, including the driver, have. Not to mention leave them with the physical, painful marks to remember them by.
     
     
    She's taking one from Minas Gerais to Sao Paulo OVERNIGHT.
     

     
    She'll probably try to get as close as she can to Santos (basically our home)
     
     
    The thought of someone hurting her...
     

     
    RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
     
    EDIT: Sorry. Raw emotion gets to me. I've vented a bit. I'll be fine.
     
    ~AA

  5. Arch-Angel
    And I was just getting used to the ponies. ;;
     
    What was that? Like, 4 days?
     
    Makaru = Shredder
     
    Smeagol4 = Krang
     
    Janus = TECHNODROME
     
    Omicron = Splinter
     
    Nikira = Donatello
     
    Tufi = April O'Neil (with mad driving skillz says Shredder)
     
    Kex = Seymour Gutz (more fit for Omi)
     
    Foot Soldier = bzpmakaru: No one important
     
    Electric Turahk = Casey Jones
     
    Dr. Bionicle = Rat King
     
    More to be listed.
     
    ~AA
  6. Arch-Angel
    In my old school, I was a bit of a flirt. Not majorly, but enough to show I'm a flirt. Why? Because I've had few girlfriends in my life to commit to. The only true commitment I've had was with my last ex and my current girlfriend, Bionigirl. My relationship with my last ex didn't last long because she was going too fast and I couldn't keep up with it, and I wasn't even sure I loved her. I kept her in mind, but not at heart. After our break-up, I began to think on how girls thought. Yes, I've made huge discoveries, and I'll tell you, the difference between a boy and a girl in attraction... is slim. Looks, key.
     
    Buddy, when was the last time you seriously considered dating a girl that was less attractive then that beauty in your English class?
     
    You can tell by the statement above which group of girls I aimed for.
     
    Time goes on, I change my look. Not just clothes, but physical appearance too. When I hear a girl that carried some extra baggage lost some pounds, I immediately look for that girl and I see the difference. Even if it wasn't that much, I look at her differently. Like she still made an effort to look better, and thats attractive.
     
    So I do the same. The girls in my target range liked preppy clothes. Mostly Hollister and American Eagle (Hollister gets too expensive by the time I look at the sweat-shirts, so I stuck with shirts) and I got jeans, sweat-shirts, and sweaters from American Eagle. Heck, I have a watch from there. First one without a digital read too.
     
    I gel my hair everyday, watch my own appearance everyday, and especially watched what I said. Make sure that joke is actually funny to everyone else, or you look like a fool.
     
    Time goes on, and I am known in everyone's mind as at least a friend throughout the grade and soe in the upper and a lot in the lower classmen (especially the freshmen because I'm still famous for jumping off the dock and into the sea in the 8th grade field trip)
     
    Soon enough, I am forced to move.
     
    Surely, I don't go without litterally leaving my mark.
     
    But thats another story, in a past entry, look for it.
     
    Too many smileys... Anyways, I move into this 'new' town and I start from square one. Its bigger, more students, very diverse, and half of the students don't know the kids in the of their grade. But of course, I still make friends... with girls.
     
    Then an old friend of mine comes along. A girl that thinks deeply and has a lot of expericence in the toils of life. A girl that I can truly love, and love back.
     
    Bionigirl.
     
    Fast forward to this month. She's on vacation. So I continue my daily routine, wake up, sometimes miss the bus, get to school, sleep, get out of school, take the bus home, play Kingdom Hearts 1 and 2 an continue to count down the day.
     
    ... But I've beat Kingdom Hearts 1 and 2 already.
     
    So what do I do?
     
    Start making friends! The ones I should avoid!
     
    The pretty ones, the pretty and artistic ones, the pretty and very literate ones, and the very pretty ones...
     
    BUT.
     
    I hold myself. I stop my auto-control from getting into flirting. Today especially. Plenty of times to do it, but never flirted. Because I wait patiently for her return.
     
     
     
     
     
     
    And what do you now?
     
    She's right here.
     

  7. Arch-Angel
    Video of Speech



    I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

    Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

    But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

    In a sense we've come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the "unalienable Rights" of "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds."

    But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so, we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice.

    We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

    It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. And those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. And there will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

    But there is something that I must say to my people, who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice: In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.

    The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.

    We cannot walk alone.

    And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead.

    We cannot turn back.

    There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their self-hood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating: "For Whites Only." We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until "justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream."



    I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. And some of you have come from areas where your quest -- quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive. Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.

    Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.

    And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

    I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

    I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

    I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

    I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

    I have a dream today!

    I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

    I have a dream today!

    I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."

    This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.

    With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

    And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:

    My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.


    Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim's pride,

    From every mountainside, let freedom ring!

    And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.

    And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.

    Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.

    Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.

    Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.

    Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

    But not only that:

    Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

    Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.

    Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.

    From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

    And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

    Free at last! Free at last!

    Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!

  8. Arch-Angel

    Thats A Bummer...

    By Arch-Angel,

    I had plans for the blog that I completely forgot, and the days without BZP have been a bore...
     
    So, my B-day (Wednesday, the 19th) went well I guess. Got 100 bucks, and so far got a Hollister Shirt and American Eagle Sweatshirt. Had some Ice Cream Cake and all, watched a movie, would've spend the day on BZP, but EVERY YEAR something happens to me or BZP that refuses my access to it.
     
    Last year, I went to New York City, and the only place I could find with internet was a Burger King near Ground Zero.
     
    Before that, big virus on my computer.
     
    AND before that, somehow my entire internet froze.
     
    Well, at least I'll have Christmas here.
     
    Interview with Omi soon to be posted, maybe Song of the Day,
     

  9. Arch-Angel
    NOTE: Suggestions of 'Song of the Day' are much obliged, so if you have a song thats clean or mostly clean of swears and/or profanity (rap/Hip-Hop/R&B allowed of course), than PM it, and it might become 'Song of the Day'.
     
    The Song of the Day is brought to you by .:Sora:., .:Sora:., the teen you came always trust with a keyblade. You can reach him at 1-800-D-E-S-T-I-N-Y-I-S-L-A-N-D-S.
     

     
    DOA (Dead or Alive) by Foo Fighters
     

  10. Arch-Angel
    Before, in the past, I believed this holiday to be one of peace, giving thanks, and eating until my stomach nearly bursted.
     
    This year, I have had little peace, few things to be thankful for, and I'm not hungry...
     
    If you noticed, I haven't done a blog entry on any holidays. I told you the ones of the past, the ones that were littered with family sorrow.
     
    When I thought that my life would go smooth and fine. When I thought that Christmas 2006 would be fun. This day marks the anniversary of when I thought that my parents would stay together.
     
    I'll tell you what I'm thankful for.
     
    I am thankful for not living on the streets. I am thankful that I'm a Believer, I am thankful for my girlfriend Bionigirl, I am thankful for my friend Taki, I am thankful of my friends in my old town, and I am thankful I have some friends in my new school.
     
    What I'm not thankful for?
     
    I am not thankful for living in an apartment that gives me as much freedom to the outside to that o a prison. I am not thankful for the fact this Christmas might be more of a disappointment then last year's. I a not thankful that I still have to deal with the fact that my parents are divorced and I don't hear the end of it.
     
    The Holidays to disappoint are upon me yet again...
     
    Happy Holidays everyone, I hope you'll enjoy it more than I will...
     

  12. Arch-Angel
    Dad never seems to show up now. After the last fight between he, my mom, and my sister, its only been come and go for his things. Sometimes he'd stay a night, never sleeping in my mother's bed, only in the guest room, leave for work, come back late. Hours upon hours past the time he got off. Sometimes 11, mostly midnight now. Though it started get later.
     
    We knew where he went.
     
    A woman a few months ago came into our Church. As a Pastor, my father greeted her and talked with her casually. He invited her to a few parties at home, Church Parties mostly, and she soon became good friends with my mom. My sister trusted her, so did I. Another Brazilian Immigrant, like my dad, mom, and sister (I being born in America). Here, Brazilian Immigrants make friends in a snap. We can tell if another person is Brazilian without them speaking Portuguese. Whether it was the paint on the clothes they wore from just getting off of working maintence or anything blue collar, causal clothing, or facal structure. Any immigrant could tell apart another Latino. Mexicans, Hondurans, all of them. Why? Most likely we were all together crossing the border, in the back of a truck together, on the same raft, sold everything we had back in the old country to get plane tickets to America, or worked together.
     
    In short, we are like distant relatives.
     
    This woman, we treated her like a distant relative also, along with the rest of the Church.
     
    A couple months went by and my dad wasn't getting along with my mom. They had frequent fights, and when it seemed all over by Thanksgivings, the two hugging and kissing, the worst discovery ever made rolls by.
     
    The E-Mails.
     
    My father got careless, and left his written down password on his desk. My mother wanted to check his e-mails to see if any bills were paid etc. What she found brought her to tears.
     
    The woman was talking to my dad.
     
    Romantically.
     
    Words in Portuguese like "mi amor" meaning "my love" for example. Lovers say that to each other. Within the romantic lettering, was a plan for them to meet. Have dinners, see each other, among other things.
     
    That woman stole the man the held this family. That woman stole my father.
     
    That Woman Stole My Mother's Husband.
     
    No, it did not go well with them. My sister got into fights with my dad, along with my mother, and I tried once, but didn't have the gut to continue.
     
    Once he knew we knew, we basically lost everything.
     
    The bills were piling high without him now. He went to go live with his girl in an apartment in a different town. A small city, but close.
     
    The Church found out. The Pastors themselves were outraged. The Lead Pastor was cheating on his wife.
     
    He got the boot, and he lost his a lot of his friends.
     
    But he was a bit happy his dream shattered. The Church he worked on so much, the Church he always wanted to be lead by him, gone.
     
    He was happy because now he had more free time. No more studying the Bible, making sermons, coming over to a different town three to four times a week.
     
    On my Birthday, I decided to cover up the fact my life, money and Family was going down the drain. So I took up a Santa hat, made a list, and gave out presents. Mostly candy. About fifty bucks worth building up the cash since Mid-November and Birthday money.
     
    Didn't even hear his voice that day.
     
    We decided to take the Holidays without him and go to good ol' New York City. Four days in the Big Rotten Apple gave us some time to relax. Unfortunately, on Christmas Day we decided to take our Happy Little Selves to Ground Zero.
     
    What the heck?!
     
    After crying every night over the talk of Dad since he left home, why don't we go down to whatever the bloody heck is left of the Terrorist Attack?
    Because I don't want to cry again, Mom! E-freakin'-specially on Christmas!
     
    After breaking my heart to bits there, we continue on our vacation and went back to the Home-State of the Red Sox Kingdom.
     
    New Years Eve, it gets interesting.
     
    We go to a Famous restaurant called "The Old Country Buffet" for dinner, and head to the theatres to watch Night in the Museum. Good movie, by the way.
     
    I watch the Ball Drop in Times Square where we were only days ago, and continue watchng TV. Kept on thinking what to do this year. What I had planned. After an hour of the New Year, a familar Ford E-150 used for working tries to pull into the driveway, but can't.
     
    Since the beginning of December, my sister got the habit of started parking her car so it blocks the rest of the driveway purposely. Dad commanded her to stop doing it, but like a rebellious, angry 18-year-old girl, she continued.
     
    This night however, not such a good idea.
     
    He parked in front of the house, got out, walked through the door in rage and banged on my sister's door.
     
    They fueded, my sister called his girlfriend a *beep* and that raised the bar. He grabbed her, pushed her down the corridor, almost down the stairs, and she started running.
     
    In panic, my mother called the cops on him.
     
    Down stairs, I was using every ounce of self-control to not go up and start fighting.
     
    Not like I would've won. He a strong guy, I haven't been in a real fight since the fourth grade, so he would've laid me out quick.
     
    My sister thought he was going to hit her, so she got in the car, punched the gas, and he followed.
     
    He didn't make it off the street before Graveyard Shift cops showed up. The cops inthis town aren't relible. The take their time. Only reason they were there was because one of them was less than a quarter mile away watching for speeders.
     
    My sister has a panic attack, my dad got arrested, Officer Stupid and Stupider came in the house and started asking the worst questions. Once it was all done, it was 2 AM and we wouldn't be rested and calmed down until 4. I missed school the next day.
     
    Quite the worst memory in my brain at the moment. The event that changed our lives was when she showed up.
     
    And destroyed our Trust, Church, and most of all...
     
    Our Family.
     

     
     
  13. Arch-Angel
    Though I'm going to be out for the day, I'll advertise my new shop!
     

     
    Big, ain't it?
     
    The link is in my Blog Wreath, along with the one above.
     
    Have a Happy Non-Denominational Politically Correct Governement Approved Religiously Indifferent Holiday Season!
     

     

  14. Arch-Angel
    NOTE: Suggestions of 'Song of the Day' are much obliged, so if you have a song thats clean or mostly clean of swears and/or profanity (rap/Hip-Hop/R&B allowed of course), than PM it, and it might become 'Song of the Day'. INCLUDE WHY YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE SotD.
     

     
    July 25th, 1941 - August 28th, 1955

    Read.
     
    This folk song was made in honor of Emmett Till, though never published, was still popular in within Protest Groups.
     
    Emmett Till, today song goes out to you.
     
    The Death of Emmett Till by Bob Dylan.
     
    ~AA

  15. Arch-Angel

    The Fear Of Love

    By Arch-Angel,

    Many of you toss around the word. Whether discribing something you cherish, a family member, or a member of the opposite gender(or same gender, if thats how you roll).
     
    On my end, Love is something to avoid.
     
    I keep thinking that I'm going to repeat History.
     
    And do what my father has done.
     
    Omi is right, of course. We are still at too young an age, even to know what true love is. Its not lust, or liking them because they're cute or attractive, or just because they give you everything you want.
     
    Its not what you want, its what you need.
     
    "The One" is an expression used by both boys and girls, men and women, who are trying to find a soul mate that interlocks with them perfectly and without a hitch.
     
    When you find her/him, tell me how it feels, but I have a fear of love.
     
    I like the fact of being in a relationship. They make me feel more secure, but so fragile at the same time. Doing something wrong to mess it up, talk to a girl causally and rumors fly around that I'm cheating. Its amazingly stupid how people will judge on spot.
     
    My last relationship last 2-3 weeks. It was almost broken from the beginning, my girlfriend and her friend were at war with each other. Needless to say, her "friend" spread a rumor saying that she was cheating on me. She informed me of the rumor once it spread around her grade(7th) and in two days, my grade (9th). Needless to say, we broke up anyway. I wasn't broken up about at all. I felt like a weight was lifted off the two ton load on my back, easing the pressure.
     
    But what I truly feel afraid of is... breaking the hearts of my family. If I have kids, a wife, and a church, I feel as if I'll repeat everything that happened to my dad. I don't want that.
     
    I vowed not to get married, for fear of hurting my future wife and kids.
     
    That is my fear. You can go out, meet a girl/boy, anything. Just, for heart's sake, make sure its true.
     

  17. Arch-Angel

    The List So Far

    By Arch-Angel,

    Read this first.
     
     
     
    Due to a snowstorm, meeting Michelle was dumped. I've tried to keep in contact with her but my life got too busy in the last two (or was it three?) weeks. You guys would know, I haven't made an entry in a WHILE.
     
     
     
    Lemme see if I can get all the names...
    Barbie Tyanie Lee Anne Stephanie Stephanie (there are two) Jill Rachael Emma Ms. Anonymous Adrianna Michelle Vanessa Carley Carley (there are two) Sydney Elizabeth Eleanor Monica Rachel Amanda Danielle Megan Katie Britteny Aline Deanna Amy Lea Anna Sandie Sarah Olivia Those are the names of every girl I've fallen for since the last entry. 
    This "Crush Rush" was killing me. In two hours of loving one girl, I'm loving the next. It was torturous; loving a girl and making plans to ask them out, only to switch up and start loving another chica!
     
    I decided to talk to Rachael about it. She's really now considered one of my best amigas (and I'm apparently one of her best guy friends) and she wanted to do a process of elimination thing after I made the list above. She knew she was one of them, but when she asked 'Which one of these girls do you think you love more?'...
     
    ...Well I was honest with her, and she was kind of shocked it was her.
     
    I mean, seriously. Rachael is a beautiful girl with a love for theater, a sarcastic sense of humor and a love for fun (not the bad fun) and she just so much more of what I love and who I can trust.
     
    Though I was quick to tell her that I'm one-hundred percent fine with being friends. It doesn't have to go anywhere. If she sees me only as a friend, what I am to do besides be her friend, which is exactly what I'm happy to be?
     
    Of course, the Crush Rush is still continuing, but I still got love for Rachael. Right now, I love her as a best friend.
     
     
    Last Saturday was Theater Exchange. An event made 17 years ago involving multiple schools across the state of Massachusetts where they all come over a hosting school for students to see others perform. At first I was nervous, but soon after I met the people, I felt at home again like I do on stage. I got to meet a good number of people (hey, when you have 150+ kids from other towns pop up, meeting and remembering twenty people is an accomplishment worth a load of brownie points) and we played volleyball. Of course, I owned.
     
    We finally got to watch the performances after hanging out and going to acting classes (for the sake of enjoyment) and I've got to say, five hours of watching seven plays (including doing our play) is exhausting... for the jaw. Comedies were dominating. I don't think the shows could've ended better without 'The Underpants'. It sounds ridiculous, but if you get the chance to watch it, you'll realize the there is more innuendo in there in about 35 minutes then there are in all the BZP Chatrooms on AIM in a week combined. It's my absolute favorite play, hands down.
     
    Days pass, nights disappear, and on Friday of the 13th day, good things happen.
     
    Or is it good?
     
    It might all come crashing down on me in the end, but it happens.
     
    You see, this entry has been a draft for quite a while, and with more and more girls asking who I liked, I needed something to explain.
     
    So I showed the girls the list above. All of the girls I've explained it to are on that list.
     
    With about five girls knowing about the Crush Rush, you'd think I've all but ruin my plans of getting a girlfriend.
     
    Nah.
     
    You see, though I may or may not love one of them right now, love is not bothering me too much at the moment. On Valentines Day, I was blasting my favorite love songs in my room as a went about my day. I had nooooo pressures, no sorrow, but no complete happiness.
     
    You know you can enjoy Valentines Day alone if you have ever truly loved someone with all your devotion.
     
    ~AA
  18. Arch-Angel
    I've passed the stage of anger where everyone that ticks me off is just another thing I can ignore.
     
    I've grown much stronger mentally, emotionally, and physically, and with all three higher, I know how to use them in a way. Just to control myself and my anger.
     
    I'm back into going to Church, wanting God to help me in my addiction to something I can't state. (Not drugs or alcohol)
     
    I hope I can pass this test, and get away from my addiction. Its done no good to me and only made me feel shameful of myself.
     
    My mom and I get into constant fights now. I guess its mostly my fault. I'm a teenager for Pete sake.
     
    I'm moving away from town, and all the friends that helped me grow up and mature to the person I am won't see for a school year. I'll miss a lot if I come back...
     
    I have no choice in moving. By September, we either sell the house and have money, or we'll get foreclosed and booted out by the state. Too many bills, too much debt... yo know the deal. Oh! And we're behind on the payments for the plumbing!
     
    So its either:
     
    1. Sell the house, leave town.
     
    2. Get kicked out by the State, leave town.
     
    3. Have to leave, no more water, leave town, sell the house or offically not won it anymore.
     
    Well, I'll get through this trial somehow...
     
     
  19. Arch-Angel

    The New Kid Burden

    By Arch-Angel,

    I missed school today for the simple reasons that one, my mom doesn't want to drive me to school because she's too tired, and two, I woke up at 7, an the bus leaves five minutes before that.
     
    But what I find as one of the most difficult tasks a new kid can have is this.
     
    Finding someplace to sit.
     
    Yes, I do have my fantasies that a table of cute girls call me and I'm back in business flirting, but thats never the case (unless I happen to model, which isn't likely either)
     
    Though there is this cute girl in my Geometry class that had a conversation with...
     
    Anyways, yesterday I sit at the table with the Brazilian(s) I recognize. It isn't easy. I have to wander around for 20 seconds looking like an cool dude with my eyes searching every table. But eventually I found one... too bad the table of Brazilian girls was full.
     
    Another thing, as much as I want to, I don't think it'll happen. I keep talking to Taki about this, I can't keep it out of my mind... I really want a Blog of the Week Award. But I might as well give up and just keep updating this thing.
     
    Over and out...
     

  20. Arch-Angel
    It seems unavoidable. And I see it coming.
     
    Once its close to fall, everyone is falling in love.
     
    Maybe its called "Fall" not for the leaves afterall.
     
    Anyways, I might as well tell you about the girl.
     
    This girl is new this year, and she's cute. Everyone keep telling me how hot she is and all, but don't like her for that. Heck, I don't think I like like her at all for that matter.
     
    I'll tell you how it started first off.
     
    First day of school, everyone is talking about this new brazilian girl and how she's hot and all.
    I'm thinking,"Okay, I bet I can spot her right off the bat."
    I can. And I do. You should know (read first blog entry).
    She can understand very little English, and that goes for her speech too. When she sat behind me in History, and tried to tell the teacher about her Language difficulty, I turn around, and in a cool way, asked in Portuguese,"Brazilian huh?"
     
    She sighed in relief,"Finally!"
     
    From what I learned then on was great. She's 17, lived in America for two months, formerly lived in a city south of my Brazilian State Sao Paulo, and she likes Big Macs! Not a fan of the latter, but there is more to her.
     
    Thing is, I haven't known her long enough. I maybe street bred, but I'm different from the other guys. I like(d) Bionicle, I like to read, I like to get to know a girl first.
     
    Maybe BZP only know the true me.
     
    But to tell you all the truth, I haven't felt feelings for a girl since the beginning of July. I've felt empty.
     
    I feel... Fearless.
     
    Maybe thats why I welcome danger with a open hand.
     
    If I die like this, then I go with little regret.
     

  21. Arch-Angel
    I'm going to a school thats five times the size of my small High School and more confusing to navigate.
     
    Lord be with me...
     
    Good news is, I've signed up for Amateur Wrestling, so you'll see me on the WWE someday! Just kidding, but I will join the WWE if I get the chance.
     
    I've found some Brazilian Friends from my childhood that'll help me go through the school... somehow. I can barely find the end of the hallways...
     
    Night everyone!
     

  22. Arch-Angel
    Songs I listen to on the treadmill:
     
    Far Away by Nickelback
    Thunder by Boys Like Girls
    On Top of the World by Boy Like Girls
    Ocean Avenue by Yellow Card
    The Rock Show by Blink 182
     
    All. Love. Songs. Suggestions greatly appreciated.
     
     
     
    I think I've found a drive to my Summer Marathon, you know, something to keep me going.
     
    I imagine myself in one of the most popular marathons among athletes, The Boston Marathon. When I was a tot, my parents brought me to the marathon as it crossed through our town, and when we lived in the ghetto, it was only a block away. The runners run 26 miles in the cold, sometimes raining, sometimes against mixed showers, in the cold to prove only one thing: that they could do it.
     
    I've never, ever thought I'd consider running the marathon.
     
    For the past three runs on the treadmill, I've imagined a prize at the end of the 26 miles.
     
    Her.
     
    I don't care about no cash prize or finally being the dude to beat Robert K. Cheruiyot (winner of the last Boston Marathon, and I believe all the other ones. You know him as the Kenyan with the funny shoes), or proving to myself that I can do it.
     
    All I do is imagine myself running down the final stretch, sprinting, only running because I know she's there, and Robert K. Cheruiyot and I are neck and neck. The people are cheering, my Zune is blaring, Robert is making these loud puffing sounds that are annoying and he arms are moving so fast his sweat is hitting me which is completely disgusting, I got a cramp in my rib, my knees are killing me because the Mueller Knee Braces have met their days back at Heartbreak Hill, and my throat is cold from the frigid air. I'm sweating buckets and my body is constantly screaming swear words at me with each beat of sweat.
     
    As me and multi-time marathon winner close in on the finish line, kicking it up a notch with a sprint, I see one face running out of the crowd.
     
    My body forgets about the pain, that, or my brain put those nerves on hold. I pass my competitor, about to think home the victory. I was going to make history. My name would be in the papers, the TV, across the nation (even for a short 15 minute segment), and all over the state.
     
    She goes under the tape for the winner to cross, and runs towards me.
     
    I slow down, and pick her up in a swooping hug, feet away from the finish line, and we kiss for the first time.
     
    Robert passes the finish line, taking the wreath woven from olive branches and the money, and wins yet another Boston Marathon.
     
    But...
     
    I got the girl.
     
    We cross the finish line, hand and hand, and after a shower, I take her out to lunch.
     
    Sure, my body's exhausted and I'll want to sleep forever, but I am NOT going to miss my first date with her!
     
    ~AA
  23. Arch-Angel
    I consider myself an "Animal" in some cases. But that name was taken by a man known as David Batista.
    More known as a WWE Superstar, "The Animal" Batista.
     

     
    Now, considering he has that title, I'm "The Beast".
     
    Now, Beasty over here is getting closer and closer to getting back in the cage.
     
    High School Education.
     
    GGGGrrrreeeeaaaatttt.....
     
     
    Best part, I'm in Creative Writing!
     
    (For those of you who don't know, I made a gesture that is not acceptable on school grounds to my CW Teacher last year. We don't get along. Especially when his heart is a jagged rock that tears apart the positivity of the world and leaves behind nothing but hate)
     
    I'm not looking forward to that.
     
    By the way, the good news of it all is that today was my last sweaty day of work!
     
    I'm going to Monday Night Raw in Boston, which shall rock considering Triple H is coming back to the weekly event.
     
    And my man, John Cena, the WWE Champion, is back in his home-state!
     

     
    He gave me a signature move too! The Fireman's Takeover Powerslam! Use it in my near fights to tell people not to mess with me by putting them on my shoulders. They back off pretty quick.
     
    He gave me a bully-go-away guarantee trick! Woot!
     
    Well, that all for now. I'll come back later when anything interesting happens.
     

  24. Arch-Angel
    I look forward to the cold air and chapped lips that fall and winter shall bring. I don't know why. I guess its because I like wearing sweatshirts and winter hats. I am the Stylin' and Profilin' member of BZPower after all (maybe Da Mista Mike will challenge me to that).
     
    Anyways, evetyone on the BZPBlogs has made an entry on how they can't wait for school or are dreading the utter fact that the date of the First Day is fast approaching. Personally, I like to call it D-Day, but I have to say I'm somewhat looking forward to seeing all my friends again. Though I don't have as many friends in this town as I did in the other, I do in fact have friends.
     
    But why would I write a bloody entry on school? No one cares what I think about it, because its going to match what someone else said about it, yada fasha waba.
     
    Reason why I'm looking forward to is a little thing I like to call...
     

     
    Redemption
     
    You see, I'm one of the few. The unlucky. The shamed. First-hand, I will find out what it will be to repeat a school year.
     
    Yeah, I'm staying back.
     
    Its the kind of slap in the face life gives you where you have to laugh in humility. Especially when you open the letter and it says, "Dear member of the Class of 2011."
     
    It was formerly 2010...
     

     
    Out of the eleven credits I needed to get into Junior year, I only got 8.5 credits.
     
    That's bad.
     
    This year, I have to actually hit the books. I have to actually study. I have to actually care. Ain't nothing going to get away from my goal of graduating this year.
     
    It's gonna be one heck of a 180 day ride...
     
    ~AA
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