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Arch-Angel

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  1. Arch-Angel

    Song Of The Day 60

    By Arch-Angel,

    NOTE: Suggestions of 'Song of the Day' are much obliged, so if you have a song thats clean or mostly clean of swears and/or profanity (rap/Hip-Hop/R&B allowed of course), than PM it, and it might become 'Song of the Day'. INCLUDE WHY YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE SotD.
     
    Peaceful, soothing melody. Heck, I didn't pay attention to the lyrics in the second half.
     
    Well, it is September, so this is necessary in every right.
     
    Shut up Green Day haters. I DON'T CAR-RA.
     
    Hey Neku. *shanks*
     
    Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day.
     
    ~AA
  2. Arch-Angel
    Labor Day... The first day of September, the first day rockin' the sexy orange, and Makaru's birthday.
     
    Funny, I made his b-day topic in CoT and Kex yelled at me.
     

     
    I was literally loling.
     
    Right now, as I was looking to see if the Natick Collection was open (the Natick Collection is the Mall of America of Massachusetts, basically), which it is, I found out that the Lego Store is hiring for Sales Associates. The Collection is a bit of a walk from school, and with the fall and winter rolling around, it'll be harder to walk, but I'm looking forward to the cold surprisingly. I think it'll bring back my poetic spirit, and maybe my writer's side as well. Right now I am indulging into my artistic side, and though I have a picture I'm proud of I want to show you... the scanner's broken, but writing needs no scanner on the internet!
     
    IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.............................. WHAT THE ARK IS COOKIN'.
     

     
    Sorry. With all the good the today's brought so far, I feel great.
     
    And while I'm at the Collection, I'm going to have my first Dr. Pepper, but it's WaWa's favorite drink.
     
    Yep... maybe some lunch in Friendly's too. But Friendly's is my depressing location. I like to eat there only when depressed. Reason being is the on July 4th, day after I broke up with Bionigirl, I ate there just to please my mom. Couldn't stop staring at myself in the mirror just to curse at myself inside at how much of a fake I was being at the time.
     
    *sigh*
     
    Okay, come on Jonny Boy, no depression, not today. Today's a gift from God, appreciate it.
     
    I'd like some album suggestions, as I'm headed to the music store at the Collection. Be quick por favor.
     
    And guys, thanks for the congrats.
     
    ~AA
  3. Arch-Angel

    Song Of The Day 57

    By Arch-Angel,

    NOTE: Suggestions of 'Song of the Day' are much obliged, so if you have a song thats clean or mostly clean of swears and/or profanity (rap/Hip-Hop/R&B allowed of course), than PM it, and it might become 'Song of the Day'. INCLUDE WHY YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE SotD.
     
    My Chemical Romance's The Black Parade is a great album. In fact my favorite.
     
    They make the most depressing kind of subjects fun songs to listen to.
     
    For example, the catchy and song of the day:
     
    Dead! by My Chemical Romance.
     
    ~AA
  6. Arch-Angel
    Read this.
     
    UPDATE: Russia has retreated out of Georgia, saying, "The aggressor has been punished."
     
    Today, 8/13/08:
     
    Russia to U.S.: Choose us or Georgia Forum link removed - Nukora
     
    Any political comments will be deleted if it shall spark a flame war. (Wish they could be drafted. I <3 opinions)
     

     
    ~AA
  7. Arch-Angel
    The last two hours were painful. Ever since last night when my sister told me all the things my dad says to people trying to defend himself, like he wasn't the bad guy in this divorce, I've been pent up in extreme anger. You know that, Lord.
     
    I tried calling Phil, but he was busy at an amusement park and was sore last night, so I didn't have a friend to talk to. I don't know why I didn't turn to You first.
     
    It started when after I got breakfast at Dunkin' Donuts, still reluctant to work with dad, I got inside his van with him waiting, and then he started talking about how I should be responsible about my work and waking up earlier because we can't get at the building at 10 AM, it'll take the job to do much longer than needed. I'm a man now and should be more responsible.
     
    That's where I snapped.
     
    I turned to him, with glaring eyes and told him he had no idea how angry I was at him. He's been telling people and my mom that she was the biggest mistake of his life. If that's the case, I'm a mistake. He never wanted me in the first place, I told him. He told me to give him my phone, and he used it to call my mom and he started yelling at her. At the same time, I was yelling at him. He nearly crashes the van turning around to get on the other lane to bring me back home. He tells me I don't know what he's been through, and I come back with just the same. He says I'm still a kid, and I tell him he just called me a man ten minutes ago. I scoff at his 'responsible' talk between.
     
    Through the yelling, he got fed up with me and dropped me off at the Mobil gas station, a little over a quarter mile to my apartment complex and I leave the van and he continues yelling on my, now his, phone. I shouted to him that my father died a year and a half ago, and I have lived without a father than one like him, then I shut the door.
     
    I continued crying as I went down the sidewalk, my apartment complex on the other side 1000 or so feet ahead of me. Mom picked me up at that moment, still on the phone with dad, who was still yelling. Under her sunglasses, you knew there were tears, and you could still tell with the way her voice was cracking to hold back the weeping. She explained over and over to him again why I was like this, saying I held in all these emotions for almost two years. After she finally got off the phone, she and I hugged and cried. I told her again and again that I was sorry. She told me last night that it wasn't important, that I shouldn't have thought about it, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't stand in his presence for more than fifteen minutes.
     
    She explained to me that dad loves me, and my sister, and her, then she corrected herself on the last part. She said to cool down and to pray to You, Lord. Thought I could get more out through typing than thinking, gets words out easier. Please, bring me peace. I hate having hate in my heart, especially since I know I love him and so desperately want to hate him. Why can't I forgive him like You have forgiven me? I thought I did. I thought I did many times, but the past is shown too many times in my face. This apartment, I live in this because of him. No social friends to hang with everyday, because I had to move. I'm staying back a grade because I transferred into the wrong classes thanks to a confused guidance counselor because I moved here.
     
    I have no peace when it comes to him.
     
    Lord, please... heal this wounded heart.
     
    Amen.
     
    ~AA
  8. Arch-Angel
    I look forward to the cold air and chapped lips that fall and winter shall bring. I don't know why. I guess its because I like wearing sweatshirts and winter hats. I am the Stylin' and Profilin' member of BZPower after all (maybe Da Mista Mike will challenge me to that).
     
    Anyways, evetyone on the BZPBlogs has made an entry on how they can't wait for school or are dreading the utter fact that the date of the First Day is fast approaching. Personally, I like to call it D-Day, but I have to say I'm somewhat looking forward to seeing all my friends again. Though I don't have as many friends in this town as I did in the other, I do in fact have friends.
     
    But why would I write a bloody entry on school? No one cares what I think about it, because its going to match what someone else said about it, yada fasha waba.
     
    Reason why I'm looking forward to is a little thing I like to call...
     

     
    Redemption
     
    You see, I'm one of the few. The unlucky. The shamed. First-hand, I will find out what it will be to repeat a school year.
     
    Yeah, I'm staying back.
     
    Its the kind of slap in the face life gives you where you have to laugh in humility. Especially when you open the letter and it says, "Dear member of the Class of 2011."
     
    It was formerly 2010...
     

     
    Out of the eleven credits I needed to get into Junior year, I only got 8.5 credits.
     
    That's bad.
     
    This year, I have to actually hit the books. I have to actually study. I have to actually care. Ain't nothing going to get away from my goal of graduating this year.
     
    It's gonna be one heck of a 180 day ride...
     
    ~AA
  9. Arch-Angel

    I Miss

    By Arch-Angel,

    I miss a lot of things.
     
    I miss working. The sun's rays coming down on me as I sweat my butt off doing landscaping, even if its simple weeds. Sweating going down my face as the day peaks at a hot 90 degrees...
     
    I miss the money I earned. Eight dollars an hour and no taxes in between because its somewhat under the table. My dad would get the check and cash it in, hand me about 300 dollars and I feel upper class for five minutes. Fifteen twenty dollar bills? It feels great.
     
    I miss having lunch with a lunch box. A sandwich made with turkey, ham, mayo, the works, and most of all, mom's love.
     
    I miss learning how to do things. How to make walls, how to lift heavy objects carefully, how to fix the small problems before they become big.
     
    I miss waiting for the day to end so I can come back home and go online to talk to friends. The anticipation for the weekend, the two days I have to spend with who I want if I can (so the weather chooses).
     
    I miss my dad.
     
    I miss him.
     
    I don't know why. I know I love him. I can admit that thanks to Necro in this entry.
     
    I guess ever since I yelled at him, its been let out. Like I actually have forgiven him. Maybe because I've been bottling it up this entire time and with it, a grudge.
     
    I think...
     
    I think I'm going to apologize for what I said to him.
     
    ~AA
  10. Arch-Angel
    Just so you all know, the Yin/Yang Story is meant for every emotional thought and feeling. I come here and pour my heart and soul, and it helps me in the real world. Comments made about the entry should be comments in the blog. I prefer it not to be mentioned in on AIM. On AIM, you guys see me as the playful guy shanking people, but when I click that link above and come to the Yin/Yang Story, I know what to expect; a comment on the entry I made. Bringing it up on AIM is like throwing it all back in my face. You know what I mean?
     
    Oh, and another thing.
     
    ITS PRONOUNCE ARK, NOT ARCH.
     
    ~AA
  11. Arch-Angel
    "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
    - Mariah Carey
     
    ~AA
  12. Arch-Angel

    I'm In Russia!

    By Arch-Angel,

    Currently, right now as I start writing this it is 2:50 PM. Here in Kamchatka, Russia its 7:50 AM.
     
    Why am I in Russia?
     
    It just got to the point where I don't count the number of hours I've slept or how late I stayed up.
     
    I'm going by time zones.
     
    Last night was BAD. After waking up at 3:30 PM and going about my day routinely (which was easy since I live on BZP now <<) I try going to sleep. My eyes hurt from reading my book and the lack of light with it, so I figured that was enough.
     
    But my biological clock was like, "Why you wanna sleep? You haven't even been up 12 hours yet. Its like, 5 PM."
     
    "No, its 1 AM, and everything around me shows it. Dark out, mama's snortin', computer's off and I ain't watching TV."
     
    "You're bored, do something."
     
    "I'll shank you."
     
    "You mean yourself."
     
    "I'm becoming schizophrenic."
     
    "But those with schizophrenia don't know they're schizo."
     
    "But if I deny it, I'm leaving myself open for the accusation."
     
    "Heck of a rut we ran into, huh mate?"
     
    "Shut up Jack, you may be one of my personalities, but you aren't called for right now."
     
    Jack Sparrow... don't ask.
     
    I decide to go back on my computer at around 3 AM, for what reason, is unknown. On AIM, I find a conversation with Janus, who's experiencing my problem (the sleeping part, not the not/not schizo) and after I said bonsoir (I got bored on the comp with no one to talk to and nothing to do) I returned to bed, continuously thinking about just everything going on in my life right now. The Father/Son hiatus, school, the reason why I'm up, et cetera. At around 4 AM and going on my computer again ( ) and going back to bed again ( ) I look outside to the sky, see if I can count the stars...
     
    I don't see no stars, only the big one that separates night and day, the freakin' sun.
     
    I curse under my breath (or maybe it was full on not caring who heard me volume) and started thinking as to where my body was in the world. I knew it was on the western side of the world, with Europe, Eurasia, and Asia, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I'd thought I'd make educated guesses at shoot for either England, Israel, and Japan.
     
    I started laughing in sorrow as I heard the morning commute starting.
     
    At 6 AM, I decided to see if a different location would help. The couch was option 1 out of 1. I throw myself on it, and in the most uncomfortable way, sleep.
     
    Around 8 AM my mom finds me, and in my Smeag & Niki feeling (10 points to anyone that gets that) I explain to her I only felt asleep at 6 AM. Love my mom, she cares so much. I felt worry in here.
     
    <3 mi madre.
     
    She told me to sleep on her bed, and if you know her mattress, it'll put you to comatose in under 10 minutes.
     
    Boom, out like a light I go and I wake up at 2:30 PM. My eyes are still sore, and I feel like its 10:30 AM. Oh wait, if you look here IT IS.
     
    I'm gonna take some Advil PM tonight, I really the KO.
     
    ~AA
  13. Arch-Angel
    You remember the 'I Miss' entry I made on Monday. Well, I asked my mom to call him, see if he wanted to talk to me. He said he wasn't ready to talk to me, that he was still upset at what I said to him. My mom had mixed feelings herself, she wanted me to talk to my dad and apologize, and when she heard that from him, she was a bit ticked. The fact he was upset over that, when he's done so much more worse to us.
     
    I'm truly confused as to what to think.
     
    Just right now, my mom got the mail and with it, a letter from dad. She opened it as I watched, showing three checks. One of the 140 dollars he owed me (he had to borrow some money momentarily to settle some debt in his bank account), another one for 56 dollars being the money I earned last Monday (the day before the... you know... thing), and the Child Support check for 180 dollars.
     
    I feel like he's settling his debt to me and getting rid of me.
     
    I fear it'll be a month or more until I hear his voice again...
     
    ...Sometimes I wish I can forget about him.
     
    ~AA
  14. Arch-Angel
    First off, like Wall-E, you're all going to say it was the greatest movie ever.
     
    It probably won't be.
     
    The only reason your head contemplated this was because of the amazing amount of good advertising. And the death of Heath Ledger? His last performance must be amazing (as if he knew it would be the last time).
     
    So, please refrain from giving it a 10 out of 10 stars on IMDb like they did on Wall-E. I have seen Wall-E, it was good, but not number 22 on best movie in history.
     
    I'll see The Dark Knight soon enough. But I know movies. For it to be number 3 on the IMDb list is quite annoying ON OPENING WEEKEND.
     
    ~AA
  15. Arch-Angel
    We went on the highway to get to work.
     
    Flashbacks of the seventh grade flew across my head.
     
    Fred was a freshman going into sophomore year. He was an immigrant, and went to my church. Friends with my sister, and always cared. I barely knew him. I just heard he was the one Christian Brazi that people loved because his smile never left his face. He always asked how your family was, whether he personally knew them or not.
     
    He would be 19 or 20 today.
     
    I believe it was May 29th, 2005... He was coming home from church in Boston inside his friend's Eclipse. His friend was tired, as it was 1 AM, and he needed someone to keep him company to talk to and keep him awake, otherwise he slept at the wheel. Fred, like the good friend he was, died a good friend keeping his friend company.
     
    The night before, rain poured down hard like it did today in Massachusetts. The Mass Pike was extremely wet, and the driver was young and didn't care if he was going 90 on a 75 mph zone.
     
    They hydroplaned into a light pole, which tipped over, killing Fred almost instantly.
     
    The next day, I cried for a death for the first time.
     
    Since then, I've tried to be Fred. I do what I can to put a smile on one's face and remain serious in the end. Some of my close friends think it'll be my downfall trying so hard, but Fred was able to do it, and he's my role model.
     
    The dark clouds and the cold drops of rain only suited me.
     
    In Memory of Fred
     
    1990 - 2005
     
    ~AA
  16. Arch-Angel
    Many people from our old churches think that my dad left my mom because she's fat.
     
    My dad left my mom because a woman came along almost 15 years younger than him and convinced him that he wasn't in love with my mom (Apparently he left mom now and not sooner because we were born and wanted to wait until we were mature enough to handle it, whatever that means).
     
    My sister and I were talking about mom and how she might become a train wreck someday soon. In less than five years, my sister plans to move out. In five years, I'm going to be 21, so there isn't a doubt in my mind I'm bouncing out of this place too.
     
    So, no husband, no kids...
     
    Just an apartment, alone. No one to come home to. We can get grandma to live with her, but she could pass soon. That would destroy mom even more.
     
    We want her to date, but she's been too heartbroken since dad to try. She says she can't find a man because she's overweight, which shouldn't matter. Aren't the best men the ones that don't care for appearance (much)?

    Like me? BZP chicas, PM me.
     
    My sister told me of one time she went to the salon to get her nails done. The one doing her nails knew my mom and sister well as they were frequent customers. Next to her was a mom of a childhood friend of mine. They said hi, yada yada yada, then she asks, "How your mom?"
     
    Sis answers, "She good. She's doing great."
     
    The nail salonist goes, "Her mom is very pretty now."
     
    "Oh, she lost weight?"
     
    My sister couldn't believe what she said.
     
    "No, she looks the same," Answered my sister.
     
    "Oh, guess she hasn't woken up yet, ya know?"
     
     
     
     

     
    After mom had me, the doctor prescribed her medicine (I dunno why, but she needed it) and said the meds will either make her lose a lot of weight, or gain a lot. Obviously she gained. Since then she's been trying to lose the weight, shich is seemingly impossible. Diets, exercises, full time commitments!
     
    The weight stuck.
     
    Now, people think its the reason my dad left her. My dad lived with her like this for almost 15 years; he got used to it, though there was a point leading up to the break up he said that she wasn't taking good care of her body (moron).
     
    Just please people, being overweight and obese should matter to the naked eye. Appearance is important, but not something someone should shoot down. I mean, if you want to lose weight, go ahead. If you want to look good while being fat, then look good, while fat. Hey, even Sir Mix-A-Lot said he liked big butts, and he said he was telling the truth.
     
    Personality and mind is good, appearance?
     
    I seen too many people obsess over it, and they are the most stuck up group of people you shall ever meet.
     
    Don't judge a book by its cover, a computer by its monitor, a person by their color, age, speech, or body weight.
     
    ~AA
  17. Arch-Angel
    Its been rough since the break-up, I'll admit. I mean, Wrack said it best that time heals all wounds. So don't worry about me.
     
    Because ever since, almost everyone close to me is trying to get me back in the dating game.
     

     
    Taki, Ryuu (those of you that know her), my sister, my sister's friends, my dad, my friend's dad, have been stressing how I should get back in the game.
     
    Said game would be simpler to get back into if I didn't live in the biggest town in the United States (<-Which is fact) when I used to live in the smallest town in the state.
     
    -------------------------------------------------------
     
    I got my old job back for the summer. Working with dad as a maintenance man, and the occasional fellow employee. Got $320 for the past two weeks, and I finally feel like middle class to upper middle class. Plus, I can buy a Diet Pepsi at every opportunity.
     
    -------------------------------------------------------
     
    Shut up and get used to the dash lines. I'm losing my blogging groove.
     
    -------------------------------------------------------
     
    I have a prayer request.
     
    My childhood friend, Fernanda.
     
    Used to go to Sunday School with her. We used to live in the same 'hood. Her, her sister Jessica, and I used to bike around.
     
    Love her like family.
     
     
     
     
     
    She's 16 and pregnant, and is getting married to her 23-year-old boyfriend.
     
    ~AA
  18. Arch-Angel
    The following took place last night (July 3rd). Its been edited by staff member Kohaku, and double-checked by Makaru to make sure it stayed well within the rules.
     
    I forgot to press F2 for the time of each IM, but keep in mind, the further it went, the longer it took for each IM.
     
     
     
     
     
    bionigirl: I know...I'm late. I'm very sorry.
     
    Jon Batista 91: its alright =)

    bionigirl: Carnival tomorrow. This one guy I met that lives down the road keeps asking me.
     
    bionigirl: I hear that there was something between you and some other girl?

    bionigirl: Care to tell me about that?
     
    Jon Batista 91: yeah...
     
    Jon Batista 91: I had this small crush on this girl way back in my old town. Before you and I we're in a relationship, I had a thought in asking her out. I just recently talked to her on AIM and I found out I still have a small crush on her. Half of my conscience wanted to ask her out, the other half slapped me in the face and reminded me of who I really loved.
     
    bionigirl: Hundreds of miles away.
     
    Jon Batista 91: since then (last night) I've been thinking about it.

    Jon Batista 91: I felt like I almost took the same steps as my dad
     
    bionigirl: Jon, can I ask you something serious?
     
    Jon Batista 91: yeah

    bionigirl: Have you ever thought about breaking up with me?
     
    Jon Batista 91: never!

    Jon Batista 91: My only fear is you breaking up with me

    Jon Batista 91: and me cheating on you. ><

    bionigirl: Haha.
     
    Jon Batista 91: I was watching the news the other day
     
    Jon Batista 91: and they had a segment on the warm weather and show a clip of the beach
     
    Jon Batista 91: during a sunset
     
    Jon Batista 91: every sunset I see, whether in real life or TV, I always think of you there at my side as we watch it
     
    bionigirl: Is that healthy for you, Jon? I read your blog, I talk to Phil. You love me, and you know I love you. But...you love me so much...well, I love you...It's just hard to understand where you're basing your love.
     
    Jon Batista 91: I don't know...
     
    Jon Batista 91: When we were talking back in November, I found you as the perfect girl
     
    Jon Batista 91: funny, smart, wise, and beautiful
     
    bionigirl: You make me sound like a mother.
     
    Jon Batista 91: XD

    Jon Batista 91: well, I always imagine us together
     
    Jon Batista 91: and I just want to show you that I love you
     
    Jon Batista 91: so everything in that blog

    Jon Batista 91: is just me venting how I long for that day we see each other in person
     
    bionigirl: Tell me about the girl.

    Jon Batista 91: back in Maynard, we talked to each other through friends, and I always found her fun and cute
     
    Jon Batista 91: she grew up, and became a lot of things I'm not
     
    Jon Batista 91: so I stayed away from her a bit, but I talked to her
     
    Jon Batista 91: she's got a good personality, yeah
     
    Jon Batista 91: and she's attractive
     
    Jon Batista 91: so basically my conscience stopped the hormones from kicking in and doing the wrong thing
     
    bionigirl: But, why were you tempted to ask her out the other day?
     
    bionigirl: I know it's probably embarrassing, but could you explain that a little more?
     
    Jon Batista 91: I wanted to go out with her, and get lucky
     
    Bionigirl: Jon...I want you to be happy.
     
    Jon Batista 91: I am happy
     
    Jon Batista 91: its just being a boy at 16 that stinks ><
     
    Bionigirl: Jon, I want you to be in a normal relationship. With dates and kissing and fights and expressible love...
     
    Bionigirl: Yes, that's a word.
     
    Jon Batista 91: but Karley...
     
    Jon Batista 91: I'd rather wait to have those with you
     
    Bionigirl: But how do you know?
     
    Bionigirl: How do you know you'd rather wait? What if...what if there's someone out there actually better than me?
     
    Bionigirl: Because trust me, I'm a pretty messed up gal.
     
    Jon Batista 91: lol
     
    Jon Batista 91: I like a girl with faults
     
    Bionigirl: When it comes down to it, no matter how much I love you...I can't stand to think about how much I'm keeping you from.
     
    Bionigirl: You obviously know where I'm going with this...
     
    Jon Batista 91: yes...

    Bionigirl: You know I love you. But...we're kids. And life isn't easy. I can't stay in any actual relationships because of my moving around constantly, besides you. And I know you'd want me to pray about this before I made any decisions.
     
    Bionigirl: So every night I prayed. And every night it became more clear to me that I'm hurting you, even if you don't realize it, by loving you and keeping you to myself. Because while I want to be loved, I care about you so much that I don't want you to have to be "alone" without me forever.
     
    Jon Batista 91: so you want to break up?
     
    Bionigirl: So if that comparison you made was correct, I feel like in the way that I will sacrifice the love of my life, the most amazing, selfless, wonderful, talented, loving, cute, adorable, and strong man that I think about all day, because even though I know this hurts (trust me, I know), I want you to live and go through trials and experiences. And if after that you honestly say you haven't been happy without dating me, then we'll consider where we're going.
     
    Bionigirl: But yes, Jon. I do. But I'm not a total heartbreaker. I'll let you say every negative though, the worst things you're thinking. I want you to not restrain yourself.
     
    Jon Batista 91: why do you have to be so smart?
     
    Bionigirl: So I don't get shot when I'm not looking.
     
    Jon Batista 91: every love song... It was you. Every moment I spent talking with another girl, you were there controlling me... and I never felt alone in a room when there was you, staring back on my Zune background
     
    Bionigirl: By the way, my hair is red, now. If I can sneak you a picture, I'm sure you'd enjoy how funky it looks. Cassey messed it up. It was the last time I saw her.
     
    Jon Batista 91: I'd like that...
     
    Bionigirl: I want you to have the...honor, if thats what you can call this, of doing the deed, Jonathan.
     
    Jon Batista 91: the deed?
     
    Bionigirl: The breaking up...
     
    Jon Batista 91: thought so
     
    Bionigirl: Wait...
     
    Bionigirl: before you do...
     
    Bionigirl: *kisses Jon with her heart*
     
    Bionigirl: Okay...you can do it now.
     
    Jon Batista 91: Karley
     
    Jon Batista 91: many nightmares were there about what would happen on this day
     
    Jon Batista 91: unfortunately, they were more visions
     
    Jon Batista 91: I don't know if the dreams of us together in the future were visions as well

    Jon Batista 91: but I pray so
     
    Jon Batista 91: but today
     
    Jon Batista 91: we're only friendss'
     
    Jon Batista 91: find another boy
     
    Jon Batista 91: someone you can stay with
     
    Jon Batista 91: be happy

    Jon Batista 91: if you happened to get married, I'm not sure I'll be there

    Jon Batista 91: but I will live my life knowing that you're happy
     
    Jon Batista 91: so today, you are not my girlfriend
     
    Jon Batista 91: nor am I your boyfriend
     
    Bionigirl: I'll always love you, Jon. Don't ever doubt that. But I want you to have a life...try to love without me.
     
    Jon Batista 91: thats as easy as trying to live without a beating heart
     
    Bionigirl: I feel bad, Jonny. You know I do.
     
    Jon Batista 91: I know...
     
    Jon Batista 91: you know
     
    Jon Batista 91: I don't think there's a song for this one...
     
    Bionigirl: Phil'd know.
     
    Bionigirl: I'll be online during the summer. We are gonna stay friends, be sure of that. Because it's the only way to get through the pain. Night, Jonny. Talk to you soon.
     
    Jon Batista 91: night Karley...
     
     
     
     
    " we're only friendss' " part was probably the hardest and longest time I took for three words to get out.
     
    I was drinking a Diet Pepsi at the time. It tasted like what it exactly is; chemicals. I emptied the can and threw it on the ground.
     
    I've shed my tears.
     
    Twenty-four hours later, I put on a fake smile and spend time with my mom. We watched Wall-E. It was good. Took my mind off things.
     
    I usually recover from initial shock of trauma within the first hour.
     
    Still recovering.
     
    My hands always feel heavy thinking about it. Pepsi is no longer sweet to my mouth. Makes it dry for some reason.
     
     
     
     
    I wonder if she went out with that guy down the street yet. I want her to keep her mind off me. She's beautiful, she'll find a guy in a second.
     
    Looks like I'm back in the singles game...
     
    But I forgot how to play.
     
    I'm just gonna end this entry now...
     
    ~AA
  19. Arch-Angel
    Why hasn't anyone made a song?
    That can fit my heart
    Give hope
    For a brand new start
     
    That can make me whole...
    Again...
     
    I had my love
    break me for
    Happiness...
     
    Sweet as an angel
    From the heavens above
    She broke me
    So I could
    love...
     
    Over the mountains
    Through the seas
    I know that she
    can see me
    crying on my knees
    because she has
    set me
    free.
     
    Never shall I forget that day
    When we broke up, in a loving way
    My heart smashed
    My drink turned ash
     
    And I laid... shattered...
     
    Over the mountains
    Through the seas
    I know that she
    can see me
    crying on my knees
    because she has
    set me
    free.
     
    The sun shined
    weeks on end
    But the rain pouring
    on my head
     
    Single and
    Hating it
    Every single moment
    I live.
     
    Over the mountains
    Through the seas
    I know that she
    can see me
    crying on my knees
    because she has
    set me
    free.
     
    I'm still young
    I've got time
    love is there
    for me to find
    but search is hard
    a painful task
    who can see me
    under the mask?
     
    Not those girls
    They see lies
    A dove outside
    a crow inside
    Lying through my heart
    am I
     
    Over the mountains
    Through the seas
    I know that she
    can see me
    crying on my knees
    because she has
    set me
    free.
     
    Over the mountains
    Through the seas
    I know that she
    can see me
    crying on my knees
    because she has
    set me
    free.
  20. Arch-Angel
    NOTE: Suggestions of 'Song of the Day' are much obliged, so if you have a song thats clean or mostly clean of swears and/or profanity (rap/Hip-Hop/R&B allowed of course), than PM it, and it might become 'Song of the Day'. INCLUDE WHY YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE SotD.
     
    In recent events, this is the only song that can describe best of what I'm feeling.
     
    Why?
     
    We broke up.
     
    Ghost of You by My Chemical Romance.
     
    ~AA
  21. Arch-Angel
    NOTE: Suggestions of 'Song of the Day' are much obliged, so if you have a song thats clean or mostly clean of swears and/or profanity (rap/Hip-Hop/R&B allowed of course), than PM it, and it might become 'Song of the Day'. INCLUDE WHY YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE SotD.
     

     
    Song of the Day 52, people.
     

     
    Don't Fear The Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult
     
    ~AA
  22. Arch-Angel
    Tonight was fun, really.
     
    And at the end, educational.
     
    This year was filled with click flicks. Sex and the City, What Happens In Vegas, etc.
     
    Though once every year, Hollywood makes one movie that justifies everything for the male side of the race.
     
    Last year's was 300.
     
    This year's...
     
    WANTED.
     
    Full review on it, later...
     
    The end of the night, after my dad and I eat at UNO (Rattlesnake Pasta, no jalapenos por favor) plus grab some things from CVS (I pronounce it completely. Cv's.) he talked to me some in the car before I step into the lobby of the apartment. He asks a few things just about everything I've done or am going to do, and we part ways.
     
    I told him about my new routine, which is going to the park near downtown and play baseball with the guys I've known my entire life. I tell him I first got into it because of Saulo. Saulo, I've known for as long as I remember. He's like another dad (and a freakin' good one too) to me. Love the guy. He's fun, he's nice, I've worked with him too before working for my dad last year when I was around 12 or 13. He was great. I truly love the guy like family, never done me wrong.
     
    So when I tell my dad that Saulo invited a couple weeks back to play ball, he starts going on...
     
    He say's that after the whole thing, Saulo started to treat him much differently.
     
    When he was driving around, he saw Saulo pass him by going around the corner. They obviously saw each other. My dad waved and said, "Hey, Saulo!" and Saulo gave him the cold shoulder. A complete ignore. Turns away, and keeps driving.
     
    Another time, they were in the same aisle at Home Depot, and my dad greeted him like before, and the cold shoulder. Saulo's aware of everything around him. He doesn't wander off in thought, he pays attention to many things.
     
    Dad goes on to say that Saulo shouldn't judge him for leaving my mom. He says that he should mind his business, because someday he's going to need him and he will give the cold shoulder to that. He used a Brazilian expression, "You can't plant beans and expect rice. You can't plant apples and expect to get oranges."
     
    After some trailing off that topic and me FINALLY leaving his SUV, I told my mom this, and she said the following:
     
    "Saulo use to look up to dad when he was a pastor, like dad was a great guy. After the thing, he was broken."
     
    It seems that my father broke more hearts than I thought.
     
     
     
     
     
    Sometimes I wonder...
     
    Sometimes I worry...
     
    I'm afraid, really.
     
    I have bad daydreams where I consider the concept of what if I done what my dad did to my future wife and kids?
     
    I even talked to Omi about this, a little. I told him I'm afraid to be a dad. If I have a daughter, I don't want her to be the high school my mom. If I have a son, I don't want him to be an alcoholic, pot smoking, druggie or drug seller. I don't want him cutting his wrists when he's super stressed. I don't want him to a fool. Nor my daughter. Those are the two biggest fears in my future life.
     
    I sometime think that I should spare my wife and kids the trouble. Never get married, never have kids, nothing. Live my life, and move on to the next (<-too Christian for ya?). But Omi said I should take the risk. There's a chance I won't do what my dad did, and there's a chance I won't have that happen.
     
    His words are encouraging, but the fear still lingers.
     
    Especially with how good of a friend I apparently am with everyone. I believe when someone asks for something, give them twice of whats expected. Hendrick, friend of mine back in Maynard (mentioned him once before), talked about how good of a friend I was because I bought him lunch at MickyD's just so we could stay the place and talk. Friend of mine, Kory, says I'm amazing sometimes. Lluvio said the same.
     
    Now what would happen if I pulled a Dad and break all their hearts?
     
    I feel my betrayal of you all coming. I know it.
     
    I feel like one day, at the peak of life, when everything is going great... I got wife that loves me, I got the kids that want to be me, and I got the friends who never want to leave my side, that I'll commit one single action that'll break whatever foundation they had with me, and it all goes to heck.
     
    My dad did that.
     
    Eventually, I'm pretty sure I will too...
     
    ~AA
  23. Arch-Angel
    Because so many of you have absolutely no idea who Bionigirl is... I did this for Dok via PM, but I guess it all of you need to know.
     
    Back in 2003, I was playing in the first Code: Lyoko RPG in the Completely Off Topic section. During that time, I grew up as a writer and as an role player, and thank it for it's creation, for more than a few reasons. The best?
     
    I met her.
     
    BZP member Taki had a friend who liked Code: Lyoko as well, and had her come on BZPower to play in the RPG. We talked very few times as the years went on, but in all the conversations, they lasted for quite a while.
     
    Last year, I felt horrible. Life was going now the drain, I was becoming an introvert yet again, and I was moving back into a town I've got some bad blood with. Taki, now my best friend and brother in Christ, knew someone else with difficulties in their own life. He gave me the AIM screen name, Bionigirl, and I put it on my buddy list. She IMed me first, so obviously Taki suggested me to her as well.
     
    We talked, we laughed, we shared moments with each other, and we both realized one thing: We felt love.
     
    It was strange, I'll admit. I've had many crushes (and I mean crushes </3) on many girls in the past. A few relationships, but I broke them because there was no spark. It wasn't true love, those past relationships.
     
    Now, I'm talking to a girl in Illinois who was as sweet as an angel, and felt like a gift from God Himself. Within two days... long-distance relationship.
     
    I talked to her regularly, and with a few bumps on the road taken away, we finally hit a mountain.
     
    You see, Bionigirl is in foster care. When she was younger (about 13), her parents abandoned her and her sister thinking that they were doing drugs thanks to her brother trying to save his own hide. Many other problems occurred, and they put her and her little sister in foster care. They were adopted, for a time, and around December, she was taken from her parents and put into foster care yet again, thanks to her original parents wanting her back (they lost the case, but were able to get her out of the foster parents' home). Ever since, she's been going to different orphanages and foster homes across the states (not Alaska or Hawaii).
     
    So here we are. Once in a great while, she'll be able to get her laptop back from lockup and find some miracle to connect to the internet, and talk to me.
     
    Like today, right now. =)
     
    ~AA
  24. Arch-Angel
    I know this girl that claims to have visions in her sleep.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Yeah, I know.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    YEAH, I KNOW.
     
    (I guess that fits any initial reaction)
     
    She says that she has random visions of events that are going to happen. She said she had a vision where I would walk in while she was taking her History exam so I could finish my exam. Sure enough, it happens.
     
    She had a vision of me giving her my AIM screen name (though didn't see what it was) and I did.
     
    After those events, and when we talked some more, she told me about this.
     
    Truly, I didn't believe a word of it. But more thing stuck on me like a grenade with superglue.
     
    She said the night before I told her about Bionigirl, she already knew who she was.
     
    Which was months ago.
     
    I started asking questions, chasing for answers like a dog running after a treat tied to a string. What was I wearing? Where was the location? What did I look like?
     
    I was wearing a royal blue shirt, location unknown, and I didn't look any older or much older at all than I do right now.
     
    'I wanna say this year," she said.
     
    So, after discussion after discussion later, she invites me to hang out with her and her friends (all guys. She's a tomboy) today at the Natick Collection. Longest I've ever spent in the place with this much enjoyment. Made new friends. Paul, The Chill. Ryan, The Con-Artist. Raf, her boyfriend (and fellow Brazi). Jesse, The Hippie. And this kind-of stalker guy I had to stalk for a minute to get him off our backs. Apparently a friend. I think it's Joe...? Hmm...
     
    I grabbed my Historian amigo Josh along for the party. Mall's the last place he'd be, but he seemed comfortable enough.
     
    Well, we had plenty of fun in the mall. F.Y.E., Spencer's, food court, Irish store, JCPenny's (we hung out at the recliners for like a freakin' hour in total. We came back after the food court again), Food Court (the return of the recliners!), CVS, caught Stalker Joe, and the food court again.
     
    It was five hours of having a good time. Strange right?
     
    Not a hitch.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    HA.
     
    The entire time, in my ROYAL BLUE American Eagle shirt, in a very public place, I'm looking around, I'm glancing at every girl's face, looking for any similarities that might occur. The only chance of this is on what was believed to be A VISION. Half of me is saying, "It's crud. Don't worry about it. Have a good time, stop looking for her because she isn't there."
     
    The other part of me is saying, "That her? No. Darn... ... ... H-Nope... Ugh... Where could she be?"
     
    After my 5 hour search plus fun, Kory leaves, shrugging off that Bionigirl hasn't appeared (sigh) and I wait for my ride with Historian Josh, Paul The Chill, and Stalker Joe (who for some reason is still here).
     
    I decide, considering its been a long while, and I'm depressed beyond belief, and considering my ride's with the Historian, to leave my things with him and take the money I have left and buy a De-Caff Diet Pepsi at the D'angelo's in the food court.
     
    As I walked there, I saw this girl...
     
    Dark hair, white, punk-ish, and looks like her, got in line for MickyD's.
     
    The entire time I'm in line and D'angelo's, I am staring at her.
     
    "Is it her?"
     
    My heart was racing. I got my Diet Pepsi, and made a slow walk towards her. As I walked by, I called her name loud enough for her to hear, being only four feet away.
     
    "Karley?"
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    No response.
     
    I turn back to my direction, keeping one foot in front of the other.
     
    I sat back down, without a word to the guys and waited for Josh's dad (my ride too) to get here.
     
    I turned and saw the girl again.
     
    She wasn't the girl of my dreams. She was my false illusion.
     
    It was Satan playing tricks on me. I heart is crushed, my mind's tired from the excitement of the entire day, and I wished the Diet Pepsi had something in it to KO me, if not lethal poison.
     
    I've been off the rest of the day. My report card comes, I'm smacked in the face by summer school and three F's, I lose concentrated thought on problems I should help with (sorry Tee) and I've been increasingly swearing.
     
    Lord knows the times when I'm not swearing. When I'm engulfed with His presence, or talking to her.
     
    I've unfortunately haven't been to church...
     
    And it's been months since I've directly talked to her...
     
    DANG IT, ITS HARD TO CONTINUE, BUT I LOVE HER!
     
    And I won't give in.
     
    Not today.
     
    Not tomorrow.
     
    Not at the end of the world.
     
    ~AA
  25. Arch-Angel
    What I always notice in emotional times is that you gain much experience from it and the solutions to solve them that will help you answer others when they ask for help.
     
    I just got asked too many questions and I felt a lot of stress. I didn't want to admit it, but I was stressing out from all the questions asked and it was driving me towards...
     
    When, blowing up like a firecracker.
     
    When I'm stressed, I become nostalgic (its a first time I used that word). I just think of times of the past but in the future.
     
    Like this:
     
    Small urban town, a couple of motorcycles, three of my guy friends, Bionigirl, a home, three meals a day, we rely on an alternative fuel so the economy is up, a 20 oz. Diet Pepsi only costs a dollar twenty-five, and every weekend, my friends and I go to the movies, and church on Sundays.
     
    That's what I call paradise.
     
    It gets me mad when I believe I'll never get that, and soon all I want to do is nothing but watch the TV (then I'm angry at commercials for taking so long) and be on my computer. But always, always, there is a demand for me to do something, like chores my sister is too lazy to do.
     
    I soon become a perfectionist. Yesterday, I spent all evening and most of the night looking for a Vista Theme for my Windows XP. When I downloaded the program, I never knew where to go from there. There wasn't any directions, but all the comments below from the people that downloaded it were saying "I love it!" a tiny complaint, but the good out-weighted the bad. That brought more frustration.
     
    A good night's sleep helped the storming mind I had calm down. I'm good now, but I'd rather not do that again. <<
     
    I finished cleaning my room so my mom could stop bothering me about it, and it sets a good aura. The sun's out, I'm not being bothered currently, and I'm listening to some hardcore.
     
    The song suggestions helped. Thanks guys.
     
    ~AA
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