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Kaleidoscope Tekulo

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  1. Kaleidoscope Tekulo

    RWBY

    By Kaleidoscope Tekulo,

    Thanks again for the birthday wishes everyone! It was a good day.
     
    Wasn't sure how to spend yesterday, so I binge-watched RWBY and... I kinda love it.
     
    Fairy tale theme? Yes, please.
    Protagonists based off of Grimm stories? Yes, please.
    Adorkable, main character with a scythe/gun? Yes, please.
    Well written characters with good character development? Yes, please.
    Epic fight sequences with a dark and edgy theme despite being kid friendly? Yes, please.
     
    I think Nora's my favorite simply because of how awesome she is while being irreverent and up in the clouds. Seriously, she has a jet hammer that she rides into battle with a genuine smile. It's incredible.
     
    Also, how did Wisse get that scar on her left eye? I've noticed it in some close-ups, but it's been bugging me... Tragic backstory time? *hopeful eyes*
     
    Anyway, overall, I'd say this series is... SMASHING!
     
    ~Nigel
  2. Kaleidoscope Tekulo
    Many people appear to be talking about queer issues and gender issues these days. From what I have noticed, not many of them appear to know what they're talking about. I mean, yeah, there are a lot of ideals tossed around, but a lot of people I've met just seem to avoid talking about anything other than opinions. I think speaking to queer individuals on their opinions and thoughts might help that a bit. And I'm not just talking about political issues, but rather personal ones. Why it is that queer issues are becoming more and more prominent in the first place? A lot of people I've met who say "I don't have a problem with gay people" are also the ones who, in my experience, don't understand why it's something people are talking about, and would rather people just keep to themselves entirely. In this entry, I hope to address a few more personal issues about being queer and what that means to me. Hopefully this could maybe help people better understand each other.
     
    Full disclosure before I continue with this: I am a gay man. As for my gender identity, after research and personal exploration, I have come to realize it is very likely that I am nonbinary. For those unfamiliar, that means identifying as something that is not fully described as either male or female. In my case, it's more like I identify as male in certain areas and female in other areas. If that sounds weird, I can assure you; yeah, it kind of is. But there's really nothing wrong with weird. It just means it's different. It really doesn't change too much for me around here because I am fine with identifying with him/his pronouns.
     
    So, what is it like to be closeted? What is it like to be queer in the modern age? If personal identity does not define a person's content of character, then why is this such a big issue? These are all questions I hope to address and answer by the end of this entry. Before I answer these, I think it would help if I explained what growing up was like. This is just a quick synopsis.
     
    As a child, I originally had crushes on girls. They were just crushes and they only went as far as imagining holding hands or maybe a peck on the cheek. Once I hit my teenaged years, however, I noticed that those crushes had limits. Middle school was a very confusing time. I never expected to be queer. It was also when everyone stopped being nice and started using crude humor. Among them, the word "gay" was used to be synonymous with "stupid." I was scared. I was already being bullied at the time. I grew up overweight and I was teased for it once I hit middle school. At the time I didn't tell my family about it. I knew they would yell and get angry. I was tired of that. I didn't want yelling, I wanted to be what at the time I thought was normal. I was afraid of more bullying if anyone found out.
     
    So, I tried to deny it. I told myself that I was just bi or that I was pansexual after I learned what that was later. I didn't want to be gay. I didn't want to be queer and questioning. I just wanted to be accepted, and my peers clearly would not accept me. Being gay wasn't the problem, it was, for the most part, how my peers treated the subject of homosexuality.
     
    Time passed and I went into highschool. My friends at the time were less than progressive on the subject of homosexuality, to put it lightly. I was afraid. Long story short, our friendship was toxic for everyone involved and I cut ties with them. I got pretty depressed after that. I felt like I needed a distraction, and online games like Runescape, Gaia Online and Virtual Magic Kingdom were fun enough. I still wanted human contact, even if I was afraid of talking to anyone in my family or seeking help from peers. Chatting and goofing around online was enough, even if it was just a text-based communication. And time continued to pass and I made friends. We joked around and gossiped. We shared secrets and complained about heavy subjects over time. And once I hit my junior year, I started reconnecting with old acquaintances in school. And the same things happened there as well. I ended up telling one friend from each group that I was queer. They were both women.
     
    Now, I know this can be a touchy subject, and every situation is different. However, the biggest offenders, the people I was afraid of the most? They were always men. That's not to say I wasn't around homophobic women, I was. However, there is a world of difference between hearing a person who happened to be a woman say "I disagree with it, and I don't think homosexuality actually exists." and a person who happens to be a man threatening violence, constantly complaining, and expressing worries about "the ones who are normal" (as in they don't act stereotypically flamboyant or have a voice without an accent) and claiming they are something to be feared. And I personally have yet to encounter a woman who acts in such a manner, even when they hold similar beliefs. And don't misunderstand me here: I am a man. I know that we are not all like this. However, the people I fear the most? They are problematic, aggressive men who do not know what they are talking about. And in my new group of friends in highschool, there were men I wasn't afraid of.
     
    They were just dudes that didn't express an opinion either way or honestly didn't care. Also, there was a reason I didn't tell all of my female friends that I was queer and questioning. I was afraid of them too. I only told two people at this time in the entire world that I was queer. The only reason I came out to them was because we developed a close friendship. And even then, that's not always enough. I had a male best friend since we were in elementary school. We talked about almost everything. I cut ties with him, even though he was a good friend just because I was worried how he might react if he found out. He wasn't the most progressive person at the time, and neither was I, as much as it pains me to say it.
     
    Something that really helped me at the time was the author Hans Christain Andersen. The author of the Ugly Ducking, The Little Mermaid, The Snow Queen among others? He'd written letters confessing his love to not only women, but also to men in his lifetime. Not only that, but scholars speculate one of his stories, The Snowman, was based on a relationship he had with a man. It's likely that there is a fairy tale about being queer. When I found out, I was ecstatic. I'd been feeling alone and isolated for such a long time, and this famous author that people base movies off of to this day, was like me. Even if his situation was different from my own, that was a tremendous help. It helped me realize that I wasn't unnatural. It made me realize that I'm probably not even the first member in the history of my family that was queer. His stories and his history gave me hope in a time when I needed it the most.
     
    After highschool, I went off to college. I went from the countryside to a city, and I was way out of my element. I had a lot of anxiety still and I was also going through a depression that had never really left from my sophomore year of high school. When I got to my baking and patisserie classes, I noticed that over half of my class consisted of women. Half of the men in the class, as I would later learn, were queer. No one really talked about it, but it did come up in conversation. And the men taking the classes? None of them were really that problematic. I was probably the biggest issue to be honest, and I was just clumsy and socially awkward. And not being around any problematic and aggressive men? It was refreshing, even if it was just for one class. My roomates both took issue with homosexuality. I only really feared one of them, though. Being a man is not an issue; being problematic and aggressive is the issue based on my experience (I'm saying this a lot because it's a hot topic right now. Sorry if this gets old). Do I regret not talking about this with other queer people when I had the chance? Yes. Those conversations that never happened probably could have saved me loads of problems. I didn't because I felt like I would just be an annoyance.
     
    And after that, I moved back home and I'm still here now. I've got a job, and I've been making a lot of progress. I'm out to my brothers and certain members of my social group that I've known for years and feel safe around. As for telling my parents, I ask myself one question every day: "Do I feel safe telling my family about my identity?" Every day, the answer is "No." Not yet. There is a world of difference between saying you'd accept someone and then actually accepting them. I should know. I've said for years that I don't care if someone's gay, and then there I was struggling to accept myself for the majority of my life. Honestly, I knew I was gay sometime when I was in college. I accepted that part of myself a little after that. As for my gender identity, I've only just come to terms with the fact that it's pointing away from cisgendered. Personally, if I could have chosen, it would have been something that wouldn't have been anywhere near as problematic to fit society.
     
    So, what is it like to be closeted? It makes me feel unsafe around the people who are closest to me. What is it like coming to terms with being queer in the modern day? Honestly, it was a lot of unnecessary fear and doubt. And the problem was not just with me, but also with the people around me and the enviroment I was in. If a personal identity does not define a person's content of character, then why is this issue being discussed? Because even in the modern day I grew up miserable when I didn't have to. I could have gotten treated for my depression sooner. It's even possible that I wouldn't have been depressed. I could have saved myself more than one existential crisis. I am one of the lucky ones. Many have it worse. I am turning twenty three tomorrow. Not everyone makes it to that age. That terrifies me.
     
    Honestly, if nothing else, I can say this experience has been an eye-opener.
     
    I asked B6 if this blog entry would be allowed. I was told that as long as I kept it true to a personal experience and kept political stances out, it would be fine. I tried to do just that the best I could.
     
    I'm locking this entry because I know this can be a sensitive issue. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to send me a PM.
  8. Kaleidoscope Tekulo
    Okay, it looks like that last entry did its job fine. Seventeen upvotes? Pfft, I didn't even know seventeen members visited the blogs. XP (And I don't mean to belittle coming out or anything. It's actually very important. But I might save my opinions on it for another entry at a later time)
     
    Anyway, I thought it would be neat to start using my blog for personal stuff that isn't just ranting. Not gonna lie, I kinda wanted to make that last entry more like the ones that were super personal about my anxiety and stuff, but I think I can do better by better organizing my thoughts and expressing myself through different means.
     
    Anyway!
     
    Thoughts on being nice:
     
    So, back when I was at Culinary School, I was super anxious at just about everything. I was in a new city, I didn't know anyone, I was socially awkward and shy and I hated my life with a burning passion for some reason. I was in the Baking and Patisserie program, and so I woke up around five in the morning or so and had to walk from my apartment complex about five or so blocks to our first class in a hotel building which started at six. That class normally lasted around an hour and then the baking students would walk five or so blocks to our next class which was for our general education to get an associate's degree. Those classes were mixed with Culinary students, who probably woke up at six thirty or so, maybe. They had their Culinary classes at night or in the afternoon. I actually did take a Culinary class too in my first month, which was mandatory.
     
    So, the Culinary Classes and the Baking and Patisserie classes kinda had an unspoken rule about them from what I could tell; Baking students were nice and Culinary students were mean. And that's not the absolute truth of the matter at all. Believe me, not everyone in the Baking program was super nice, and not all of the Culinary students were horribly mean. It was just this unwritten trend brought about by circumstancial evidence. Culinary students were not allowed to bring their food home with them because a while back a Culinary student threw their food at a pedestrian on the street (that was the basic story anyway, I never got the exact facts of what happened, but we were all aware that this rule was in place). Baking and Patisserie students, on the other hand were allowed to bring home the food they prepared because there had never been an issue with the students of that particular program. Not gonna lie, though, I was tempted to throw a pie in some students' faces because of the social implications of that. (I'm going to point out here that this is an excellent example that being nice is not the same as being a good person)
     
    See, when we got to our desk classes (I'll call them this because we sat at desks for these classes while we stood for our food preparation courses) the Bakers, we had all of these breads and desserts that we could share with the Culinary peeps. The Culinary peeps, on the other hand, had their classes later, and they weren't allowed to bring food back anyway. This lead to some disputes. It started with students who didn't want the excess calorie intake who started giving away their food with no worries to the Culinary students. The Culinary students were obviously the only ones interested, typically, because the Bakers already had products of their own to take home. This would also be a good point to mention that we also could not give away the food we made to people on the street as a school rule (See, there was a legal issue in the past where someone got sick after they ate food made by a student. They blamed the school because they thought the food they consumed was not prepared properly. Again, I never got the exact facts of this. This was just a story, but it was the reason given for why that rule was in place). So, basically, not wanting to be wasteful, the Bakers who didn't want the dozens of pastries they made in class were happy to get rid of them for Culinary students who were aware of this rule and ate at their own risk. They were probably happy to wake up and have some pastry for breakfast for their first class in the morning. I know I would be.
     
    And that went on for a little while and things seemed to be working. But time changes things. Over time some of the regular students who got the pastries started getting impatient with the Bakers, demanding them. And I mean being straight out rude. Now, the Bakers who didn't want their food anyway, some of them honestly didn't care and just scolded them to not be so hasty (which of course nobody listened to anyway). The rest of the Bakers, though, we got kinda impatient with the others. The best way I can describe it is unspoken hostility. We didn't like the way they were treating our peers, our friends; The ones we hang out with at five fourty five, just chatting and bonding while waiting for class to start.
     
    It didn't help that the biggest offenders were jerks in general. Obnoxious, late to class, difficult, complaining that they got in trouble even though they were the ones causing the problem half the time, etc. I honestly don't recall too many people in my Baking classes that were like that, but there were times when I had to switch classes. Trust me, it was not a Culinary only issue. Though, every situation is different. So, I guess this is just a look into my personal experience and opinions on where social biases can come from. And, yeah, there was more to it than just this, but students being rude did not help break an image I noticed that formed in my head while attending class. As for my personal take, anyone is capable of being rude, and both parties played a part in enabling such a bias to form. But more on this subject later.
  9. Kaleidoscope Tekulo
    Long story short: Finally just came out to my amazing brothers Akano: Toa of Electricity and KopakaKurahk and they accepted me with zero drama.
     
    So, now that I've told them, there's no reason I need to keep myself closeted here anymore.
     
    I hope this changes nothing for any of you because it seriously shouldn't.
     
    That's really it. You can go back to your lives now. XP
  10. Kaleidoscope Tekulo
    Sara Bareilles, you are such a dork, I freaking love you.
     
    Okay, so it's maybe not the most spectacular dancing and yeah, the moves I admit are kinda cheesey, but I kinda love it.
     
    It's kinda refreshing to see music artists that don't cave in to what's popular in society and just do a fun dance to their own music. That's a reason why I really like this artist. She uses her music to have fun and express herself. I can really respect that. Plus her songs are all super catchy, which is why I like music in the first place.
     
    And it's not like all of her music videos are like this one. Her video for Gravity has one of the coolest concepts and executions I've seen. Granted I'm not much of a music video expert or anything, but I can still decide what I like.
     
    Also, can I just say how adorkable the ending to this video is? Because it's adorkable. Also the security guard is speaking Spanish. Me gusta.
     
    ~Junpei
  11. Kaleidoscope Tekulo

    MLK

    By Kaleidoscope Tekulo,

    So, I didn't really see anyone else blogging about this, but today is Martin Luther King Jr Day. I hope everyone at least takes a moment to either do some research or partake in some quiet contemplation today.
     
    MLK Wiki
     
    Eh, maybe not the best place to start some research, but I'm none too well-versed in history, so I don't have too many tried and true online resources. If anyone does have some good resources about today, I'd love to check it out! In the meantime, I should prolly check the personal library. I've been taught about MLK since I was a kid, but memory tends to be none too reliable, and there's always more to learn.
     
    At any rate, let's not forget this man or the progress he made towards tolerance and equality.
  13. Kaleidoscope Tekulo
    I think I forgot to tell you peeps, but for the past week I was at Disney with my family.
     
    It was fun. Might post a synopsis if anyone's interested.
     
    But now today I wake up with a caramel kitty on my lap all curled up and he is adorable. <3
     
    ~Junpei
  14. Kaleidoscope Tekulo

    Some Stuff

    By Kaleidoscope Tekulo,

    So, just an update here on some of what's currently going on in my life: I started working out! (Finally, you jerk)
     
    Just around an hour daily of walking on a treadmill machine thing. My plan is to start small with this along with leg stretches. Once I build up my stamina (and by singing in the shower more much to my family's dismay because I'm tone deaf -in order to exercise my lungs a bit more-) I plan on moving on to a more taxing regiment. I kinda want to invest in a punching bag. I still have loads of frustrations, so I think it could help with a healthy outlet for stress relief. Besides, I hear it's a good workout from people who box.
     
    I could also start dancing, maybe practice Hare Hare Yukai like I did forever ago.
     
    The point of this isn't to solely lose weight, though. I've seen first hand how damaging neglecting a body can be. Physically, if I keep being lazy and keep eating terrible foods, it's entirely possible my brain's serotonin levels will get out of whack again, then I'll spiral back into a depression and then I'll have to go back to antidepressants to correct it like what happened in my youth.
     
    I honestly don't want to live a life where I feel like my only option is to constantly go back and forth being depressed, overly happy and then normal after treatment. And, yeah, it can still come back even if I am healthy and there's no guarantee that it will come back either if I remain a total slob. But here's the thing: this is long overdue. I want to be healthy, I want to stick around for a while, and if I have grandkids or great nieces and/or nephews, I kinda want to meet them. And I know I can't have that if I keep neglecting myself and deprive myself of my own happiness.
     
    Let me be clear here: this choice is totally selfish. I'm not doing this for bragging rights, I'm not doing this because I want to feel superior or shame anyone else in a similar position because that's a really terrible thing to do. I'm doing this because I have felt insignificant and ashamed of myself for far too long. It's time I stop treating myself like garbage and start to realize I have actual self worth. Because, you know what? I'm sick of it.
     
    I don't feel strong, I feel hopeless. I don't feel inspirational, I feel ashamed. I don't feel like I'm worth it, I feel like a total screwup that should never have existed in the first place.
     
    I'm done.
     
    It's time to move on from that mentality and that terrifies me. It also makes me really, really excited, though.
     
    Goal for 2015: Become healthy physically. One hour of exercise per day minimum, continue to drink enough water and don't push yourself too far. You can do it, jerkface.
  16. Kaleidoscope Tekulo
    So, last time I just showed you guys a sketch that I did of myself. This time, however, I figured I'd upload an actual selfie.
     
    Eh, I guess putting up a sketch and calling it a selfie seemed kinda trollish? But, no more! I am just sorry that old blog post was misleading.
     
    This is a photo of me.
     
    I know, I know, you don't have to say it... I have really nice eyes.
     
    ~Junpei
  17. Kaleidoscope Tekulo

    Xmas Loot

    By Kaleidoscope Tekulo,

    A belated happy holidays to all!
     
    So, I could go on about how I'm not depressed during the winter and how that makes me, like, super insanely happy thus far, but I'm sure people were expecting some actual loot of mine to share here. (But, like, seriously, I feel fantastic and it makes me feel fantastic).
     
    Working the holiday is weird. I love and hate it at the same time. So weird.
     
    Anyway, my family decided to wait up for me, so we opened gifts around seven at night after I got back from work. Before I go on about what I got, I need to explain what I got for my brothers and the stories behind the gifts because I am so proud of myself this year!
     
    I got Akano a really nice insect/bug/anything-with-an-exoskeleton collection. All the way from a crab and shrimp to all cycles of a silkworm's life, it came in a briefcase. All specimens were labeled with both English and Latin names and were preserved in clear plastic blocks which could be removed for closer observation. He's into entomology, though his primary study is physics. Found this gem in an antique shop, and knew he didn't have anything quite like it. He seemed to appreciate it. ^^
     
    As for KK, I got him Benny's Spaceship Spaceship SPACESHIP! Now, I got this for him a while back. We went to Toys R Us with our friend Super Utmost Enthusiest or, as I am dubbing her to respect her privacy, SUE. We all went to the LEGO section to check out minifigs and sets. I knew he wanted the ship, and while at the store he did comment on it. Then SUE mentioned she wanted to check out My Little Pony toys because she's awesome. Once those two wandered off, I sprang into action. I grabbed the set, ran to the nearest cashier ajd explained that I was getting a gift for someone who was in the store with me. Being amazingly cooperative, she checked out the set and kept it behind the counter. I explained I would purchase my selection of Minifigs later when we went to check out. After that, I rejoined them and eventually we were all set. I was first to check out, thanks to our amazing cashier. She discretely handed me the bag, and I slipped my figs in. Then, keeping the bag longways against my leg, I quickly rounded the counter. SUE, thankfully, checked out second and joined me. I motioned to the bag and whispered that I got something for KK, and asked if we could quickly tuck it away in the trunk of her car. While KK purchased his soda, we sprang into action. He met us in the lot right as I closed the trunk. After she dropped us off at home, she popped the trunk and distracted him while I stuffed the gift into our garage.
     
    A few months of worrying later, I discovered today that he was none the wiser. SUE and I are part ninja. He likes the set, but he loves the story more, which makes me happy. This Xmas gift giving was a success as far as my brothers are concerned. Am I awesome? I think I am.
     
    So! Onto my loot
     
    Gravity Falls Dipper hat (dad)
    Caramel Baileys (dad)
    Bazinga shirt (dad)
    Bazinga Batman socks (dad, and the socks have capes, omg)
    Disappearing TARDIS mug (dad)
    Moss decal (dad. Moss from The IT Crowd)
    Portable phone charger (mom)
    Ceramic hand-painted cross storage box (my aunt <3)
    Custom made lightsaber (KK)
    Castle dark knight minifig expansion LEGO set (KK)
    Something coming in the mail (Akano).
     
    So, my dad was kinda awesome this year. Though, honestly, he's pretty awesome every year. He once got us an Xbox 360 when we didn't even ask for one.
     
    We spent the rest of the night having dinner, chatting and laughing. Good Xmas.
     
    ~Junpei <3
  19. Kaleidoscope Tekulo
    Akano is visiting for the holidays and he has the system and game. Last night I did 8 player brawl by myself. It was Team Avatar vs Team Avatar. The old team kept winning (I was playing as Korra).
     
    Oddly, this is how I played Melee as a kid, only it was with Zelda, Ganondorf, Link and Young Link at Hyrule Temple for the time paradox wedding between Zelda and Link. Man, those were good times.
     
    ~Junpei
  22. Kaleidoscope Tekulo

    New Epic

    By Kaleidoscope Tekulo,

    Say, anyone remember that story idea I blogged about a while back about the toa popping up in our world? Turns out I'm actually writing it.
     
    Weird.
     
    This is a link. YOU CAN'T DENY IT!
     
    Feel free to check it out if you're interested.
     
    ~Junpei
  23. Kaleidoscope Tekulo
    So, I'm brainstorming ideas for characters, and I wanted to base them off of the Nuva. Thing is, my memory is a bit rusty and I wanted to refresh my knowledge of their personal quirks and traits. Other thing is, reference sites kinda suck for that because they only contain factual info about what they did and who created them, etc.
     
    So basically, are there any references that actually contain more info on their personalities or examples where their personalities came out in the story?
     
    Might have to look up 2001 bios or check the extras on the mask of light dvd...
     
    ~Junpei
  25. Kaleidoscope Tekulo
    So, I'm kinda done with drama stuffs right now. Not saying the canonization debate is like, super aggressive or anything (at least I haven't seen anything like that yet, or maybe I'm missing something), but I kinda totally suck at debate. Also, I've seen small debates spiral out of control to other totally unrelated and serious issues, and that bugs me.
     
    It also doesn't help that I really don't care about every little detail of debauchery in the fandom of my casual hobby.
     
    So! This means that whenever there will be another scandal in the blogs, my role will be to remain silent and possibly laugh and poke fun. There's enough drama in my life as-is, so I want to come to this site to have some laughs, chat with new people and not stress about the small stuff.
     
    In the event I go insane and actually start getting involved in bzpolitical debate, members here have the right to slap me over the head with a random object of their choosing. Bonus points for randomness.
     
    So, nothing super important in this entry or anything. Carry on.
     
    Please note that the opinions expressed in this blog entry are the opinions of the author and that standards held here are only to be held solely to aforementioned author (whacking other members on the head with random objects without their consent, while entertaining, seems kinda uncalled for). If other members like debating things that do not hold my interest, please know I don't think any less of anyone and to each their own.
     
    ~Not Junpei
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