Ta-metru_defender

This is an amazing theme.

Ha! Overwatch reference!

So is BZP dead now?

This is incredible. I'm 10 all over again.

LEGO Jeff Goldblum officially sexiest minifig in LEGO history.

Matthew Ewald is too good for this world, too pure

I blame it on you. He is the yin to your yang.

Geez, we got old on this website.

Nah, not this year. Maybe next year.

I know it's policy in the American LBR stores to greet everyone and check in on folks. Maybe it's become policy over there too?

I don't give a rip about Voltron but giant robots speak to me on a spiritual level so...

Timeskip!  When this is adapted for TV will this part be labelled Good Makuta, Bad Toa Z?

No, this is meant to only be performed in community theatres as part of a two-part show.

On that note, we're back!

Act VI

Scene I - Po-Wahi at dusk, lots of stoney ground everywhere, the light is haunting.

(Rows and rows of TAHNOK march forth)

TAHNOK: WE WILL CLEAN IT ALL

TAHNOK: THE ISLAND SHALL BE CLEANED

TAHNOK: THINGS WILL BE DONE

(From amidst the swarm rises TURAHK, the Rahkshi of Fear. He raises his staff over his head.)

TURAHK: Forward, Tahnok! And the day will be ours!

(Against them stalwartly stands NUHVOK-KAL, shiny and chrome, albeit a bit battered as if crushed by gravity in a big way and now un-crushed.)

NUHVOK-KAL: You lead the Tahnok against me, Turahk? You are bits of straw challenging a whirlwind... (His hand shields glow) A little less gravity and the swarm flies away! They will be safe – in orbit – until I need them!

(The Tahnok rise into the air)

TAHNOK: OH, THIS REALLY IS TOO BAD

TAHNOK: MAYBE ORBIT NEEDS TO BE CLEANED

TAHNOK: CLEAN ORBIT YES WE WILL CLEAN THE ORBIT

TURAHK: No!

NUHVOK-KAL: (Cackle) And as for you... A little more gravity and—

TURAHK: Not so fast! (Turahk leaps forwards, going into flight mode, and zooms at Nuhvok-Kal. The Bohrok(-Kal) is caught by surprise; Turahk's stabs him with his staff) Now you shall know fear!

(The glow around Nuhvok-Kal's hand shields sputters. The Tahnok fall from the air)

TAHNOK: NEVER MIND WE AREN'T GOING TO CLEAN ORBIT

TAHNOK: BUT IT IS STILL SO DIRTY

TAHNOK IT'S OKAY WE CAN STILL CLEAN THE ISLAND

TAHNOK: YAAAAAAAY

NUHVOK-KAL: What is this? No, so small. Everything crushing in around me, making me feel small, tiny, cramped. Is this claustrophobia? Is this madness? Is this an overabundance of pressure? What can offer me relief, what can ease this suffering? I am crushed once more, the nexus of a black hole; all is closing in, all grows dark...

(A flash of LIGHT. Takanuva appears.)

TAKANUVA: It appears that you have been over come by Turahk, the red Rahkshi's power of fear. I cannot allow this to continue lest it interfere with my plans of conquer. Begone, foul creature!

(Takanuva lowers his staff at Turahk. A burst of light, the Rahkshi is sent flying back. Turahk struggles up; another blast sends him back to the ground. He doesn't try to get back up.)

TAHNOK: OUR LEADER

TAHNOK: WHO WILL LEAD US TO CLEAN NOW

TAHNOK: WE SHALL AVENGE HIM IN TIME

TAKANUVA: Come, Bohrok-Kal; spending our time fighting the Sons of Makuta is a pointless effort. Instead, we should attack what they value, including but not limited to their Koro.

NUHVOK-KAL: Oh I like the plan.

(Exeunt Takanuva and Nuhvok-Kal)

TURAHK: (Weakly, pushing himself up to his knees) No, not the Matoran. Kapura!

KAPURA: (Appearing) Yessir, Mr. Rahkshi-Turaga Turahk, sir?

TURAHK: They are coming! Warn them!

KAPURA: Yes sir, Mr. Rahkshi-Turaga Turahk, sir. But what of you?

TURAHK: Warn them! I must rest for now.

(Kapura takes one look back at the Rahkshi, then disappears)

And now I finally know why I've always had it in my head that Tahu was the eldest and Lewa the youngest. I have that game somewhere.

Dude, this is a fantastic compilation. Thank you so much for this.

Wut.

Yes.

Honestly, I'd read five more episodes just like this in each other village.

Oh but can you imagine how mad the production manager would be at having to stage that?

Act V

Scene II - Mata-Nui, in Abstract

(One by one, lights come on over six vignettes. The first, is Ta-Wahi, a fire burning over black stone. Next to it arises Ko-Wahi, a small glacier. Then Ga-Wahi, a waterfall rendered in miniature. Next is Po-Wahi, a large tan stone surrounded by dirt. Next is Onu-Wahi, a, uh, large stone with, um, a large hole in it and earth around it. Finally, Le-Wahi; a cluster of shrubbery. The tableau remains undisturbed for a few minutes, perhaps some soft ambient sounds play.)

(Onto stage walk Bohrok)

(They are our CHORUS)

BOHROK: It has been many months since The Makuta has declared himself good.

BOHROK: And in turn the Toa bad.

BOHROK: He is the protector of the Matoran, defender of the island of Mata Nui.

BOHROK: He has reinstated the Turaga as the châtelains of the Koro in service of the Rahkshi.

BOHROK: The Matoran live in tranquility, able to go about their lives and pursue their vocations.

BOHROK: The Rahi are quelled and trade of ideas and goods thrives amongst the Koro.

BOHROK: The Toa have retreated to parts unknown and disturb the Matoran not.

BOHROK: The Bohrok-

BOHROK: -great and wonderful Bohrok-

BOHROK: -under the guide of the Bahrag work to make life easier for the inhabitants of the island.

BOHORK: A golden age is upon us.

BOHROK: The island thrives.

BOHROK: Mata Nui has never known a peace such as this.

BOHROK: Why, then, is its ruler filled with such consternation?

Scene III - Mangaia, the one, the only.

(The Makuta sits on his throne. The rest of the stage is shadow, the black cloth being the only backdrop.)

MAKUTA: There is now nothing that threatens this island or its inhabitants. I have seen to it that all have been done away with. And yet, peace bears such monotony. What has happened to the spice that is life? Why must all the concerns of the island be that of domestic squabbles, ones so easily dealt with by my sons and their Turaga? I live a life free of concern, free of strife. Free of conflict.

(He rises, and walks downstage, staring out into the crowd, searching.)

MAKUTA: Is there anyone out there who can challenge me? Is there any who can dare to attack me and the island I protect? Does someone yet breathe who dares to threaten the Makuta? (He waits for a response, none come) I thought not.

(He sits back on his throne, rests his elbows on his knees, and hunches forward.)

MAKUTA: There is no one.

(Slowly, the light fades until a single, narrow beam of light shines on him.)

(It winks out.)

Scene IV - The Beaches of Po-Wahi

(It is calm. Water gently laps the shore. A ship beaches along the shore, a silhouette rides it.)

(The silhouette disembarks)

TAKANUVA: Let it be witnessed herewith that I, Takanuva, have returned to Mata Nui to ensue the commencement of rectifying the malignant reign of the Makuta! (He slams his staff into the ground). And, in addendum, I have brought with me companions to assist in my efforts!

(From off the ship come six more beings, battered, hastily repaired, but it is unmistakable who they are...)

TAKANUVA: Come with me, Bohrok Kal, and Mata Nui will forthwith be ours!

(Curtains)

...Keep up the awesome work.

Keep up the awesome work? You must be new here, it's KUTGW or nothing.

Act V

Scene I - Ta-Koro, the village that's all fire and rock and stuff.

(Lights come up Stage Right, towards stage left is a large door – the entrance to the Turaga's hut)

(Tiribomba and Nuhrii enter the antechamber.)

TIRIBOMBA: I don't care if you feel like mask making is your calling! That doesn't give you the right to melt my copper Huna and try and make something new.

NUHRII: But I did make something new! I made a great copper Huna!

TIRIBOMBA: Whadaya mean great, it was a pretty lousy Huna.

NUHRII: No it was a Great Huna. Not a Noble one.

TIRIBOMBA: Of course it wasn't a noble Huna, that thing looked like garbage! I don't see why you think it was so great though.

NUHRII: You know how you wear a Ruru?

TIRIBOMBA: Yep.

NUHRII: It's a Noble one.

TIRIBOMBA: Right, like Turaga Whenua's.

NUHRII: So if there's a Noble version there's gotta be a Great version, right?

TIRIBOMBA: Presumably.

NUHRII: And that mask I made was a Great Huna.

TIRIBOMBA: It was a bad Huna!

NUHRII: That is why we're here for arbitration! Lord Turahk will take care of all our problems!

(They open the door.)

(Lights go off Stage Left, spot lights go on Center Stage, only illuminating Nuhrii and Tiribomba. We are in an Antechamber)

TIRIBOMBA: Lord Turahk! We have come for a dispute to be settled!

NUHRII: Indeed! Tiribomba needs convincing that this is a Great Huna!

TIRIBOMBA: And I believe it is a Lousy Huna!

​(More lights illuminate Center Stage. Standing at the antechamber is not Turahk but rather, Turaga Vakama)

VAKAMA: You have an issue?

NUHRII: Wait, Vakama?

VAKAMA: Are you surprised?

TIRIBOMBA: Are you sure you're not a less scaly and creepy Turahk?

VAKAMA: Quite.

NUHRII: So what are you doing here?

VAKAMA: I have been instated in an adjunct position to process any and all concerns before passing them up the chain. I am especially equipped for property disputes and handing art related law. For philosophical matters, turn to Nuju in Ko-Koro, for–

NURHII: This is an art related issue!

VAKAMA: Ah, yes, please, tell me of your woes.

TIRIBOMBA: Nuhrii thinks he made a great mask but I think it's pretty lousy.

NUHRII: I saw this mask in a dream that was like a half-forgotten memory! It is a Huna, a Great Huna!

(Nuhrii proudly displays the mask. Vakama becomes visibly uncomfortable at the sight of it)

VAKAMA: I, uh, have no idea what that mask is, nope, none at all. A Great Huna? Madness, what will they think of next? A Toa who gave Jaller his Hau? An underground city? All foolishness.

NUHRII: But Turaga! I demand my case to be heard!

VAKAMA: I'm afraid I'm going to have to send this up the chain, guys.

(Vakama rings a bell. Kapura appears.)

VAKAMA: I have a dispute, uh, out of my control.

KAPURA: Understood, Turaga. 

(Kapura heads Stage Left. Lights go down. Lights up Stage Left. We're behind the Turaga's hut, overlooking the Lava Falls. Turahk sits there, cigarette hanging in his mouth).

KAPURA: Sir Mr. Rahkshi-Turaga Tuurahk, sir.

TURAHK: It's one 'u,' Kapura.

KAPURA: Yes sir Mr. Rahkshi-Turaga Tuurahk, sir.

TURAHK: Yes?

KAPURA: Nuhrii and Tiribomba are having a dispute about a mask.

TURAHK: (resting his head in his temples) Show them in.

(Kapura opens the door, Nuhrii and Tiribomba enter)

NUHRII: This is a great mask!

TIRIBOMBA: This is a lousy mask!

TURAHK: Yes, yes, I've heard, allow me to make your troubles disappear. Hand over the mask.

(Nuhrii hands Turahk the (Great?) Huna. Turahk tosses it over his shoulder)

TURAHK: There, the mask is no more. Tiribomba, compensate Nuhrii financially for the loss of his mask.

TIRIBOMBA: But it's right there behind your foot!

TURAHK: The mask is no more! Nuhrii, don't make this again. Please.

NUHRII: But–

TURAHK: Dismissed!

(Exeunt Nuhrii and Tiribomba, Stage Right)

TURAHK: There, handled.

(He picks up the (Great?) Huna and dusts it off. It's actually not that bad, now that he looks at it. All shiny and coppery. Would be a shame for it to go to waste. He hands it to Kapura.)

TURAHK: For a job well done.

KAPURA: (Eyes lighting up) Really? Thank you, sir, Mr. Rahkshi-Turaga Tuurahk, sir.

After a week off, we're back! With an update where anything could happen! And I mean anything, I haven't even written it yet so who knows where we'll end up? I don't even know if I'll finally spell these Rahkshi's names right!

Scene IV - Mangaia, the Lair of The Benevolent Makuta. Due to recent developments it is spotless.
 

(Bohrok adjust the angle of art on the wall, sweep up dirt off the floor and ceiling, dust statues)

BOHROK: Clean it all!

BOHROK: Yes, yes, it must be cleaned!

BOHROK: Absolutely spotless!

(Enter Makuta. Bohrok follow him cleaning up the dirt he's tracking in from outside.)

MAKUTA: And so sets another day upon Mata Nui, another day of peace and prosperity. Look how the Matoran toil at their tasks so dutifully; how the Onu-Matoran reach below the island in search of rare materials, how the Po-Matoran carve effigies of my form, how the Ga-Matoran reap the seas of its bounty, how the Ko-Matoran ponder the mysteries of the world, how the Ta-Matoran protect all from those foul Toa, how the Le-Matoran do whatever it is they do in their trees. All is well in my realm, all is at peace.

(He rests his arm against a statue. Bohrok prop it back up to a perfectly upright position.)

MAKUTA: Yes, indeed, all is well. All is well.

Scene VI - Outside the Turaga Hut in Ta-Koro
 

(Turahk sits on the ledge, watching the lava falls tumble. He rummages in a pouch and withdraws a twig. He uses the heat of the lava to light it on fire before putting the unlit end in his mouth. He sighs.)

TURAHK: I swear to Arthaka, if I have to hear Tiribomba go on about some other lousy dispute...

(He looks at his hand and his new finger. It's yellow. Which doesn't match the rest of his hand. Seems like it was dragged out of a parts bin.)

TURAHK: Maybe I'm not cut out for the village leadership thing...

(Kurahk enters, flying)

KURAHK: Yo, did you know there's only one 'u' in your name?

TURAHK: Of course I did. Why did you bring it up?

KURAHK: Dunno. (A beat) So I was thinking.

TURAHK: Those Ko-Matoran are rubbing off on you.

KURAHK: Those Ko-Matoran want to know if I'm Rahkshi or if I'm Kraata.

TURAHK: Huh. That's a question.

(They stare at the lava falls, lost in thought. Turahk's makeshift cigarette hangs from the Rahkshi's mouth)

KURAHK: But like I said, thinking.

TURAHK: Yes, thinking.

KURAHK: I don't know if I want to do this whole village elder thing.

TURAHK: I'm afraid I don't either.

KURAHK: But you know who would be?

TURAHK: The Bohrok-Kal?

(They burst out laughing)

TURAHK: Okay, seriously though, who?

KURAHK: We need someone with management experience.

TURAHK: Chroniclers company? I know Hafu runs a sweatshop to make those Hafu Originals®.

KURAHK: Think bigger!

TURAHK: Dude, the Manas are remote controlled. Remember?

KURAHK: Of course I remember! We got to control them against the Toa!

TURAHK: Such fun.

KURAHK: That Kaita thing was really unfair though.

TURAHK: Seriously.

KURAHK: But not Manas! We need...

TURAHK: Out with it already, you know I don't like anticipation.

KURAHK: We need the Turaga!

TURAHK: Aren't they on sabbatical?

Scene V - The Ocean, miles from land.
 

(Vakama sits on the edge of a large catamaran, a pipe in his mouth, fishing rod in his hands. It shakes! Is it a nibble? No, wait, just the current. He sighs.)

VAKAMA: Not even a nibble.

(Onewa comes out of the boat's cabin and sits down next to Vakama.)

VAKAMA: How's Whenua?

ONEWA: Still not onboard with this whole boat thing. Matau's trying to make an illusion that he's on land, but, alas.

VAKAMA: This is the last time we let Nokama plan our sabbatical.

ONEWA: (Taking a drag from Vakama's pipe) Actually this was Nuju's idea. Nokama wanted a staycation.

VAKAMA: Well howabout that. (His reel starts shaking) Oh! I might finally have a fish!

(Vakama starts to reel, Onewa helps him. It's a struggle, but they're winning. They're getting to and it's...)

TURAHK: Hey, trying to swim here.

VAKAMA: Rahkshi! Foul beast!

KURAHK: (Emerging from the water) Hey, we're good guys now.

ONEWA: Can't y'all fly? Why were you swimming?

TURAHK: Didn't want to frighten you.

ONEWA: Oh, good job.

VAKAMA: Why do you interrupt our sabbatical?

TURAHK: Turaga, we've come to offer you a job.

(Vakama and Onewa consider this. From the cabin comes the sound of Whenua barfing.)

VAKAMA: Go on.

(Curtains)

I noticed the maker mentioned that LEGO has "such high quality official Meshes." Does anyone know what he's referring to?

I really wanna know. Because those models are gorgeous.

Re-reading some of these I realize how important it is to go over things and edit them before you hit post. Least that's what I'd do if this was serious.

Onwards! Typos and all! And getting my Bohrok Kal confused!

WRITER'S NOTE: The Bohrok are creatures of the Swarm, and as such operate under a hive mind. Whenever an action or dialogue is attributed to "BOHROK" (or any of the subspecies), it is entirely up to the reader's judgement as to whether it refers to three of the creatures or two hundred.

Act IV

Scene I - The entrance to Onu-Wahi, where it's less rock and more earth and mostly underground
 

(Pohatu, bringing up the rear, slides into the cave behind the other Toa. Tuurahk is thrown on the ground)

TUURAHK: Hey, gentle with the hostage!

POHATU: Not these guys again!

ONUA: Right? Ugh, I thought we were done with them!

POHATU: Seriously! Who decides "hey, we're done with this antagonist, let's just do them again!"

LEWA: Are you talking about our current predicament?

GALI: I think he meant the Bohrok Kal.

POHATU: It can be two things!

(Pohatu summons a wall of rock. The sound of crashing hits the other side.)

ONUA: We need a plan!

(Everyone turns to Kopaka)

KOPAKA: ...

TAHU: Now is not the time for silence!

KOPAKA: ...

TAHU: There we go, that's more like it!

Scene II - Outside the entrance to Onu-Wahi (where it's less rock and more earth and mostly underground)
 

(Bohrok work against the stone wall. Makuta and the Bahrag observe)

BOHROK: Clean! It must be cleaned!

BOHROK: We just wanna clean! Do you have stuff to clean?

BOHROK: We do laundry too!

BOHROK: Clean it all until it's clean!

BOHROK: Yes sparkly clean yes clean!

MAKUTA: Your Bohrok are most impressive, my queens. Most impressive.

CAHDOK: Oh, we always knew as much, Maky.

GAHDOK: As if there was any doubt, dah-ling.

MAKUTA: I must confess, though, the way you two do speak. It does concern me slightly.

CAHDOK: Why ever would you say that?

GAHDOK: Yes, what's the issue?

MAKUTA: You fawn and adore me, but you two are, save that conniving blue Toa, the only two prominent female characters in my tale. For you to be so worries that all like you might be cast into such a foul light. For I am great and all powerful, but I do hope that you have lives outside of me.

CAHDOK: But would we ever, Maky, not when we have you.

GAHDOK: The Makuta for us to follow! It's a dream come through!

CAHDOK: Just because we're like this doesn't mean all female characters are, dah-ling.

GAHDOK: Yes, it's just us who have our penchant for your mahvelous schemes!

CAHDOK: I'm sure it wouldn't be as noticeable if there were other female characters, dahling.

GAHDOK: But aside from the Matoran it's really slim pickings.

CAHDOK: It's almost as if this world was designed to appeal to eight year old boys without a terribly clear idea of gender balance, dahling.

MAKUTA: But here we are nontheless. You and your swarms serve me, you are satellites of my orbit.

GAHDOK: As it should be, darling.

CAHDOK: Now, you were talking about our swarms?

MAKUTA: Yes, it is only a matter of time until we break through!

BOHROK: (Knocking on the stonewall) Housekeeping! Just gotta replace the shampoo!

BOHROK: It'll be quick, really! You can keep the little bottles you found in the fridge!

BOHROK: Clean it all!

(A crack forms in the wall. A white flag waves from within.)

GAHDOK: Why, dahling, it looks as if they're surrendering.

CAHDOK: All will tremble before the mighty Makuta and his queens!

MAKUTA: From whence did they procure a white flag?

(Enter: Hahli)

HAHLI: You gotta hit the East Garden in Ga-Wahi and collect twenty seaweed. You then bring that seaweed to Shasa the Weaver and she'll make you a sailcloth. Given that it's white and fabricy it could plausibly be used as a flag. Though how those Toa got one on such short notice is beyond me. (Exit)

GAHDOK: The mystery deepens!

MAKUTA: Call of your swarms, my queens; let us discuss the terms of surrender.

CAHDOK: Bohrok, slow your roll, darlings.

BOHROK: But there's cleaning!

BOHROK: So much to be cleaned!

BOHROK: Maybe if we wait now there'll be more cleaning later!

BOHROK: Yay cleaning!

(The Bohrok slow their roll. Pohatu brings down the stone wall. The Toa stride out, flanked on both sides by Bohrok)

LEWA: Oh hello, Bohrok.

BOHROK: Hello stain!

BOHROK: We're going to clean you soon!

BOHROK: Oh we can't have you waking around, no we can't.

POHATU: Creepy little things, aren't they?

LEWA: I liked them better when they just said 'chikt'

POHATU: That's just 'clean' in Bohrok speak. Remember when we taught them Matoran?

LEWA: We had way too much time on our hands.

MAKUTA: I see you have come to offer your surrender, Toa.

TAHU: We request a parlay!

MAKUTA: And why would I parlay with you, Toa? When I could crush you with a snap of my fingers.

GAHDOK: I do hope he snaps his fingers.

CAHDOK: It's always great when he does that!

TAHU: What do you have to gain by defeating us?

MAKUTA: Peace in our time! At last the Matoran will be free of your meddlesome designs! Think of the art and culture they could create when no longer threatened by the likes of you!

TAHU: And what would you do?

MAKUTA: Rule over it all! Be the arbiter of disputes, ensure the safety of my protectorate!

TAHU: Yeah, that sounds pretty boring.

MAKUTA: There is no monotony in peace! It is the final goal of all.

POHATU: But defeating us here is a really lousy end to a story. You've got us outnumbered and all. Not really saving the day, are you?

CAHDOK: The brown one makes a good point, darling.

POHATU: Hey, it's stone.

MAKUTA: Very well, Toa, you may walk for now. Return me my son and I will show you mercy.

GAHDOK: Isn't he benevolent?

TAHU: So it shall be. Release Tuurahk.

(Tahu looks to Kopaka. Kopaka looks to Gali. Gali looks to Lewa. Lewa looks to Pohatu. Pohatu looks to Onua. Onua looks to Tahu. Tahu looks to Gali. Gali looks to Pohatu. Pohatu looks to Kopaka. Kopaka looks to Onua. Onua looks to—)

MAKUTA: (thunderous) Where is my son?

Scene III - Back in the entrance to Onu-Wahi, remember here?
 

(Tuurahk lies on the ground, tied up with a bag on his head)

TUURAHK: Nah, there's no way they forgot about me.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, Bahrag.  This continues to be marvelous!

It's mah-velous, darling.

Scene V - Po-Wahi Desert. Lots of sand and rocks. But not Earth, that's Onu-Wahi.

(Kuurahk, Panrahk, and Guurahk rest against a rock. Occasionally one of them peaks over.)

KUURAHK: I cannot believe those Toa got Tuurahk! It makes me so mad!

PANRAHK: Good thing we put his finger on ice, though. Will make attaching it back on much easier.

GUURAHK: Just gotta push it until you hear that click.

PANRAHK: So are we organic too?

GUURAHK: Honestly, I don't know. Leave the philosophy to the Ko-Matorans.

Scene VI - Ko-Koro

(Kopeke sits at the edge of a snowy cliff)

KOPEKE: But if the Makuta truly is nothing then what is he the absence of? Because nothingness is nothingness, that is, the lack of anything, then is it really possible to be nothing? Air is a thing, if the Le-Matoran are anything to go by, and the silver Nuhvok thing showed that vacuum could be controlled, but nothingness is marked by being the absence of anything. So can anything truly be nothingness?

TEHUTTI: (Who has been sitting next to him this whole time) Or maybe it was figurative and he just wanted to sound really cool?

KOPEKE: Oh, yeah, that's a possibility.

(Beat.)

TEHUTTI: Well. Not the worst date I've been on.

Scene VII - Po-Wahi Desert. We were just here.

(Kuurahk, Panrahk, and Guurahk are still against a rock.)

PANRAHK: Anything happen yet?

(Kuurahk pops his head over)

KUURAHK: Nope. Not yet.

(Elsewhere in the desert are the Toa. And Tuurahk with a bag over his head.)

TUURAHK: So, uh, about this bag.

LEWA: Nope, not taking off.

TUURAHK: What about a mouth hole?

LEWA: Your head's, like, all mouth.

TUURAHK: And your's is all face!

LEWA: I don't see how that's a problem!

TUURAHK: Neither do I! We're different and that's okay!

LEWA: So why are we arguing?

TUURAHK: I still have a bag on my head!

TAHU: Silence! Kopaka; do you see them?

KOPAKA: (He uses his mask.) ...

TAHU: What do you mean when you look down you can see a city far below us and a whole network of tunnels and underground islands in a vageuly humanoid shape?

KOPAKA: ...

TAHU: Why were you even looking down?

POHATU: (Switching to his Akaku) Woah, he's right. I feel like this is a spoiler for something that's gonna happen later. You guys should check this out.

TUURAHK: I would but I've a bag on my head.

ONUA: Not you.

TUURAHK: Oh.

(Back with the rest of the Rahkshi)

PANRAHK: They're all looking down for some reason.

GUURAHK: Man, Toa are weird.

PANRAHK: No kidding.

(There's a noise in the distance. Panrahk pops his head over. The Makuta arrives, flanked by the Bahrag Queens)

PANRAHK: They're heeeere...

KUURAHK: So we're working with the Bahrag again.

GUURAHK: It's always nice to see mom again.

PANRAHK: Wait, mom?

GUURAHK: Did no one tell you? Cahdok's my, Kuurahk, and Lehrahk's mom. Tuurahk, Vorahk, and your mom is Gahdok. We're a real blended family.

PANRAHK: Who told you that?

GUURAHK: Lehrahk.

KUURAHK: Of course he did.

PANRAHK: The Bahrag aren't our moms, dude.

KUURAHK: Yeah, Dad's our mom.

GUURAHK: No, Dad's our dad. 

KUURAHK: And our mom. He's both.

GUURAHK: That doesn't make any sense?

PANRAHK: Are you telling me that that (he points to the Makuta) and that (he points at the Bahrag) somehow made this (he points to himself)?

GUURAHK: Well where else do Kraata come from?

KUURAHK: (Rubbing his forehead) Did no one tell you?

GUURAHK: Tell me what?

(Meanwhile, with Makuta and the Bahrag)

GAHDOK: Oh darling, it's simply mah-velous to be out in the sun again.

CAHDOK: My skin was getting quite ashen in that underground lair of ours, sister. I must say I'm so thankful to be outside with you, Maky.

GAHDOK: Yes, so glad to be outside darling. Will we get to see your delightful sons again?

CAHDOK: You've done such a wonderful job raising them.

MAKUTA: It is for my son that we now march on the Toa. They have taken my son and severed his finger from his hand. That is not something that will be easily overlooked. My queens, summon your swarms.

GAHDOK: I thought you'd never ask, Maky. Sister?

CAHDOK: Of course. Darlings! Come along now!

(A rumbling. Meanwhile, the Rahkshi are still in the middle of an Important Discussion)

PANRAHK: Honestly, the Bahrag are unrelated aunts if we're gonna assign them any role.

KUURAHK: You feel that shaking?

(They rise and turn to the side. A swarm approaches. A swarm of...)

GUURAHK: Cousins!

(Enter: The Bohrok)

(Curtains)

Act III

Scene I -Bula Berry Bar Balcony, a watering hole frequented by heroes and hero-like beings. Best known for having an outdoor patio overlooking the Le-Wahi jungle.
 

(Vorahk brings over a round of Bula Berry Brew for the assembled Rahkshi.)

GUURAHK: (Grabbing his beer and downing it in a single gulp) Can't believe I put a hundred widgets against Dad.

PANRAHK: Yeah, see, that's all on you.

GUURAHK: It's just... (GUURAHK walks away from the table and leans on a recently installed guard rail) I guess I'm so used to Dad always losing that, y'know, force of habit.

PANRAHK: Yeah, man, it's gonna take some time to get used to.

VORAHK: And Dad whooped those Toa.

GUURAHK: That was pretty dope.

LEHRAHK: Worth the hundred widgets?

GUURAHK: Just about. (He pats the guard rail thoughtfully). Say, these things are pretty great huh?

(A chorus of agreements)

Scene II - A Sketchy Bar in The Wilds of Po-Wahi. Best known for a bartender who only serves Madu Cabolo Tequila no matter what you order.
 

(The Toa are in their booth. Yes, their booth, to their (especially Onua's) chagrin, they have become regulars.)

GALI: How did we lose?

ONUA: It was six on one! Is being a villain this hard?

POHATU: (aside) Honestly, I always thought it was our numbers advantage that had him beat.

ONUA: Takanuva really needs to come back from his little vision quest.

TAHU: Perhaps we were fools to attack him directly!

LEWA: Yes! Subterfuge is key! Divide and conquer, don't attack The Makuta directly but chip away at what gives him his strength.

GALI: Slowly destroy his will to live...

KOPAKA: ...

GALI: So that was a) incredibly dark and 2) very detailed and I don't know where we're going to find an electrocution kit quite that intricate. Though I suppose we could wire on together if we tried hard enough...

TAHU: The first part of that plan is solid, though! Shall we!

POHATU: I do like unspoken plans.

LEWA: Let's go!

(The Toa exeunt, once again leaving Ahkmou alone.)

AHKMOU: I suppose I should have seen this coming.

Scene III - A Street in Po-Koro.
 

(Turahk walks along, enjoying the pleasant day and temperate albeit desert-y weather.)

TUURAHK: I do enjoy this pleasant day and temperate albeit desert-y weather! (Something shiny catches his eye) Oh hey, what's this? (He bends over.) Oh, just a penny. (He walks on, but something else catches his eye) Woah, a chrome widget? I thought they stopped making things in chrome! (He bends over to pick it up. A large box promptly falls on him and traps him) Oh Karz.

Scene IV - Mangaia. You know it, you love it.
 

(The Makuta sits at a table, the other participant in shadow.)

MAKUTA: The battle was one for the history books. Though the Toa came at me with all their might, they could not prevail, my power proved too strong. I had no need of my loyal Rahkshi. This power is magnificent; heroism truly has its boons. I invite you, now, to stand with me. Stand with me to protect the Matoran and fend off the Toa! Stand with me to defend this island!

(Before anyone can respond, a Messenger runs up and hands a letter to the Makuta.)

MAKUTA: What matter of message is this? Behold, it is from those wily Toa! What foul deeds have they done? I shall read this letter. "Dear Makuta, our vengeance will be swift. Leave Mata-Nui and we will go no further. Stay, and consider this a warning shot. Sincerely, The Toa." What madness is this that these Toa think that I can be scared off so rapidly? Oh, what's this, "PS: See enclosed"? I shall look further in this envelope. By the Silver Sea, they have captured my son, Tuurahk! And severed his finger and sent it to me with a photograph of the Rahkshi! Here too is a note from my son: "Hey Dad, I'm afraid I messed up." My son, my son, what have these monsters done to you? My son... This villainy will not stand! My friends, are you with me? Will you join me against these toa?

(From the shadows come two large beings, one red, one blue: The Bahrag)

CAHDOK: Why yes, Makuta, we would love to help you.

GAHDOK: Anything for you, darling, anything at all.

MAKUTA: Then let us find these nefarious Toa!

KYLE FREAKING KATARN.

Yes. Yes. The spring shooter's fine, but I've love to see the Bryar made for him. Because, y'know, Kyle freaking Katarn.

Pahrak buddy, this one's for you.

Act II

Scene IV - continued: Still in Mangaia, the home of The Makuta, known to all as a source of goodness and general wonderfulness, currently host to an Epic Battle between Good (Makuta) and Bad (Toa).

(They fight)

LERAHK: Think we should join in?

GUURAHK: Nah, I think, they're good.

VORAHK: I'm gonna go grab a bite. Anybody want anything?

GUURAHK: Got any twinkies?

LERAHK: Dude, that stuff's poison.

GUURAHK: Suit yourself.

(Vorahk goes to the fridge. Meanwhile, Makuta battles the Toa.)

TAMARU: So what can you tell me about guard rails?

NUPARU: Well, there's a whole variety of types of guard rails, all depending on what they're guarding; like there's the ones that keep you from falling into water or off bridges or into chemical vats which you really shouldn't go swimming in because that's just not great — but then there are an eclectic sort of guard rails which are rails for guards, they're used by the Ta-Koro guard to keep themselves on the move, but you shouldn't confuse them with the guard rails in Onu-Koro 'cuz those protect the tracks for mine carts — because those are guard rails too — and they're good at what they do and—

TAMARU: But could you, y'know, build one?

NUPARU: Well, easily, just take a few of these pieces or these pieces, or really anything from this category, but the real trick is going to be getting it to attach to the wood; I suppose we could use some sort of bonding agent or—

(The Makuta continues to fend off the Toa. Vorahk brings over the twinkies)

VORAHK: Sure is something, isn't it?

GUURAHK: No kidding, almost seems like Dad's got more of a punch than usual.

VORAHK: No, not that, the twinkies.

LERAHK: Seriously dude, that stuff will eat you out from the inside.

VORAHK: (ignoring him) We have twinkies in this world.

GUURAHK: Well sure, they're made in the bakeries in Ga-Koro.

VORAHK: Eh, checks out.

LERAHK: So, we betting on this fight?

(Tamaru approaches, followed by Nuparu)

TAMARU: We betting? I'm putting a hundred widgets on the Makuta.

VORAHK: Dude, no one's gonna see that action.

GUURAHK: Eh, what the Karzahni. I'm in, hundred widgets on the Toa. What are the odds?

NUPARU: Well, it's six on one odds so ostensibly it'd be 6:1 odds on the Makuta but since he is, well, the Makuta those odds even out, plus, he's a good guy now so it kinda swings it around to at least 3:1 odds in the Toa's favor but, well, they have beaten him before, but then, he's the good guy so—

(The fight continues)

(Curtains)

Because I can, here's another one!

Act II

Scene IV: Mangaia, the home of The Makuta, known to all as a source of goodness and general wonderfulness

(The Makuta sits at his throne. Before him are Vorahk and Guurahk)

VORAHK: So as per our reports, the cave-in problems plaguing Onu-Koro have been dealt with. As it happens, Guurahk's fragmentation was able to expose weak spots in the cave network thus allowing us remove all unstable areas.

GUURAHK: Following that, a team of Matoran reinforced walls. In addition, with Rahi no longer attacking, we believe that Onu-Koro is now quite safe.

MAKUTA: Excellent, my sons, you have done your Island home proud. Where is the Matoran who spear worked with you?

(Vorahk and Guurahk step aside, ushering Nuparu forward)

MAKUTA: Ah, brave Matoran. You have done well keeping your Koro safe. 

NUPARU: Well, it's not all that complicated, really. The Rahi would always get in the way of some of our improvements so once we took them out of the equation — thank you for that, by the way — it was really a simple matter of moving stuff around and making sure only hard rock was around because the soft rock would fall and when you have a robot lizard dinosaur creature with a staff that makes stuff fragment it becomes much easier, honestly, I don't know why this wasn't done before, maybe it had something to do with those Rahi but now that we have—

MAKUTA: Yes, yes, you're very clever, Matoran. Vorahk! See to it that he is rewarded for his innovation!

VORAHK: Yes, father. Tell me, Nuparu, what do you like to eat?

NUPARU: Well, just about anything, really, Fikou burgers are an absolute delicacy especially with some berries but I could really go for a Mukau steak but those are kinda tough and I hear they're not called Mukau's anymore but they'll always be Mukaus to me but I guess a Muaka flank would be really exquisite if we're getting fancy and-

VORAHK: Alright, pizza it is.

NUPARU: Well I do like pizza but is it the sort with cheese in the crust because then you have to eat it backwards and that's just weird and really what are we using for toppings and all because I don't know if–

VORAHK: Gotcha, yep, just wait outside.

NUPARU: Sure thing. (Exit Nuparu, rambling quietly about the nature of going outside).

MAKUTA: Now, how goes the the installation of guardrails around Le-Koro? For too long Matoran have fallen to unfortunate and quite easily preventable injury simply by taking one wrong step off of high tree platforms; in addition, the Gukko tire of having to catch said falling Matoran. Should the Matoran be protected they must also be protected from workplace injury. Lerahk, appraise me!

(Lerahk and Tamaru approach the throne)

LERAHK: Honestly, it makes no sense why this hasn't been done before.

TAMARU: Matau was always too cheap to allocate the budget for it. Also, he says the thrill of falling is half the reason we live in the trees.

(There is a crash and the great door to the Mangaia is sent flying off its hinges. It crashes to the ground, narrowly missing Taipu. The TOA NUVA walk in through the door.)

LEWA: And the other half was safety from the deadly jungle Rahi below! But also the falling thing was fun.

MAKUTA: Toa! How dare you invade my dais? And why must you destroy my door! It was unlocked: a simple knock would have sufficed!

ONUA: It was more dramatic that way.

POHATU: And really, dramatic is what we're going for.

NUPARU: (Poking his head around the blown out hole) Well, I tried to talk them out of it but they kinda ignored me and decided to make their own door but really I don't see why they'd do that you had such a nice ornate door that did a good job of the opening and closing thing and really why would anyone want to—

TAHU: We have come to unseat you, Makuta!

GALI: Prepare for a fight!

KOPAKA: ...

POHATU: Woah, dude, there's no reason to bring his mothers into this.

KOPAKA: ...

POHATU: Much better. We're villainous, not sexist.

EVERYONE PRESENT: Hear, hear.

TAHU: In any case! Your reign is at an end!

(The Toa ready their weapons. The Rahkshi present — Lerahk, Vorahk, and Guurahk — assume defensive positions. The Makuta waves them up and rises.)

MAKUTA: Young Toa, must everything be solved with violence? You attack my home, threaten my Matoran. Why, Taipu here was almost flattened by your unique means of opening a door. Does the life of a Onu-Matoran mean so little to you?

LEWA: (Aside) I thought he was a Po-Matoran?

GALI: (Aside) No, no, tan and black. Obviously an Onu-Matoran.

LEWA: (Aside) But then what about Hafu?

POHATU: (Aside) No, no, tan and black are Po-Matoran.

LEWA: (Aside) The what about Taipu?

POHATU: (Aside) There was a mislabeling of Matoran Spheres. We don't talk about it.

LEWA: (Aside) Wait, Matoran Spheres? How do we know what a Matoran sphere is.

MAKUTA: I still await an answer, lest you would like to continue your hushed conversation.

TAHU: Prepare to fight, Makuta!

MAKUTA: Of course, you will try to defeat me, but you will find it to no avail, for you will fine that this time Destiny is on my side!

(They fight)

That torso's from Fili the Dwarf.

The legs are from the collectible Highwayman minifig.

Exo-Force, obviously, because I will always campaign for giant robots and mecha.

What I'd love would be a crossover theme like Space and Aquazone in the '90s; where you had these different themes (Space Police, Ice Planet, Blacktron / Aquanauts, Aquasharks) which kinda cropped up in each other's space. Would be dope to see that happen again.

With giant robots.