Ta-metru_defender

Giant robots

Giant robots

Giant robots

Giant robots

Giant robots

Giant robots

Giant robots

 

 

AFOLs do not seem to enjoy this set.  It's just a figs pack with some spare gray parts; that's what about half of all Star Wars sets are.  (I haven't bought it yet, but I kinda want to... for the figs.)

Aaaand a dope elevator!

 

But I think it's because I/we take a longer view of it all; an AT-ST just came out not too long ago and this one pales in comparison. Maybe if that other one hadn't come out so recently I wouldn't have such a harsh opinion. 'cuz, like, it's not bad bad, it's just... pointless?

 

It wouldn't totally surprise me if the lack of a complete AT-ST might be partly BECAUSE a complete AT-ST (granted, an Imperial one rather than a First Order one) came out so recently... it certainly makes this one harder to confuse with the older model than it would otherwise.

 

Of course, another more likely scenario is the possibility that Lego just didn't get accurate reference material on the full thing in time to incorporate an upper canopy. There have been plenty of inaccuracies of that sort that can be traced back to secrecy or late-game changes to the movie. Perhaps an earlier draft of that scene did not feature the walker actually coming apart on camera.

 

I'd give it that, except the prior AT-ST was due to be off shelves quite a few months before the new one hit. Way it was planned, they wouldn't have been on store shelves at the same time.

Also, given that it's a January set rather than a Force Friday one (and also one with a hard street date), I'm given to think that they did have the stuff. 

AFOLs do not seem to enjoy this set.  It's just a figs pack with some spare gray parts; that's what about half of all Star Wars sets are.  (I haven't bought it yet, but I kinda want to... for the figs.)

Aaaand a dope elevator!

But I think it's because I/we take a longer view of it all; an AT-ST just came out not too long ago and this one pales in comparison. Maybe if that other one hadn't come out so recently I wouldn't have such a harsh opinion. 'cuz, like, it's not bad bad, it's just... pointless?

Also found this Fire Mech that apparently was from a VIP building event in September.

Nice thing about those builds is that none of the pieces are exclusives, so you should be able to bricklink one without too much trouble.

Alright chumps, time for more!

Act II

Scene I: The Turaga's Hut in Ta-Koro, Currently Under New Management

(Various Matoran stand in the antechamber. At the far wall, beneath the great Seal of Ta-Koro is TUURAHK, staff resting to the side.)

TUURAHK: (His heads rests in his hands, exhaustion reads across his metal face) Look, I'm afraid that the lava eels seem to have been dead upon arrival. Even though Kalama knows full well that Lava Eels need to be in lava to, uh, eel. However they were shipped to Kalama without lava for some reason. As such, Tiribomba will have to replace Kalama's order.

(Kalama raises his arms in triumph)

TIRIBOMBA: But Tuurahk I–

(Tuurahk clears his throat)

TIRIBOMBA: I mean Rahkshi-Turaga Tuurahk, Kalama was supposed to pick them up from my store.

KALAMA: I was busy that day!

TIRIBOMBA: You had an appointment!

TUURAHK: Very well. In that case, you are to split the cost of the replacement Lava Eels. Elsewise, Tiribomba will refund half the price. Are we understood?

KALAMA: Yes.

TIRIBOMBA: Well... (Tuurahk's hand lazily reaches towards his staff) Yes! Well, yes! Such is fine.

TUURAHK: Good. Be on your way.

(Exeunt Kalama and Tiribomba)

TUURAHK: (Rising) Kapura, let me know when my next appointment's here. I'm going outside.

KAPURA: Yes sir Mr. Rahkshi-Turaga Tuurahk, sir.

(Exeunt Tuurahk through the back door)

Scene II: Outside The Turaga's Hut in Ta-Koro, Overlooking the Lava Falls

(Tuurahk steps out and leans against the hut. He reaches in his pocket and realizes that neither cigarettes not pockets exist in this canon. He leans his head back and sighs. Promptly, there's a roar in the air and Kuurahk flies in and lands next to Tuurahk)

KUURAHK: These Matoran are driving me crazy!

TUURAHK: Oh, good to know I'm not the only one.

KUURAHK: When Dad said we were gonna be good guys I thought we'd be out fighting Rahi and monsters! Not... legislating.

TUURAHK: It's nightmarish stuff to be sure. Though I hear Lerahk's enjoying himself.

KUURAHK: Apparently he's having safety bars installed in Lo-Koro. Something about health and safety compliance. 

TUURAHK: Well how about that.

KUURAHK: You know what we need? A good villain, someone to fight! An adversary! 

TUURAHK: Like a nemesis!

KUURAHK: Yeah!

TUURAHK: Maybe the Bohrok-Kal?

(They look at each other for a moment. Then burst out laughing.)

KUURAHK: The Bohrok-Kal! You really had me going for a second there.

TUURAHK: (Imitating Tahnok-Kal) Ooo, look at me, I'm electric! And all special 'cuz I'm silver!

KUURAHK: We'd need something better than that.

KAPURA: Excuse me, Mr. Rahkshi-Turaga Tuurahk, sir.

(Tuurahk and Kuurahk shout in surprise)

TUURAHK: You gotta stop sneaking up on me! I'm jumpy!

KAPURA: Yes sir, Mr. Rahkshi-Turaga Tuurahk, sir.

TUURAHK: Well, what is it?

KAPURA: Your 5 o'clock is here.

TUURAHK: Ah, right. (To Kuurahk) Well, duty calls.

KUURAHK: Those Ko-Matoran have probably figured out I'm not contemplating the mountain or whatever. See you.

(Exenut Kuurahl by flying, Exeunt Tuurahk and Kapura by side door)

Scene III: The Turaga's Hut in Ta-Koro, Still Under New Management

(Tahu Nuva stands facing away from the door, arms crossed. There's a sound as Tuurahk and Kapura reenter.)

TAHU: Finally, Turaga! I do not know what it is with these newfound 'appointments' you seem to be so fond of, but I will not stand for it. (He turns and sees Tuurahk) A Rahkshi! Here? (He draws his swords) Where is Vakama and what have you done with him, foul beast?

TUURAHK: I have replaced him!

TAHU: Vile! Your shall pay for that!

KAPURA: But Toa Tahu!

TAHU: Yes, Matoran?

KAPURA: Mr. Rahkshi-Turaga Tuurahk is our Turaga! And he has been a fair and just arbiter.

TAHU: Lies!

TUURAHK: No, I'm afraid it is quite true.

TAHU: Madness!

TIRIBOMBA: Nope, I can account for it.

TUURAHK: Hey, go refund those lava eels.

TIRIBOMBA: Right, right. (Exeunt)

TUURAHK: You see, Toa, things have changed. We're the heroes now. The Makuta's the good guy now, you're the bad guy.

KAPURA: Makuta: Good, Toa: Bad.

TUURAHK: Exactly, but it's gotta be catchier.

JALLER: Good Makuta, Bad Toa?

TUURAHK: Ah, perfection.

TAHU: Indeed, that is a good name for this situation!

TUURAHK: So are we understood?

TAHU: So I am a villain now?

TUURAHK: Yes! (Having a realization) You are my nemesis!

TAHU: I... I must depart! Do no harm to my Matoran! (Exenut, in a distressed panic)

TUURAHK: They aren't your Matoran anymore! Now then. What's next?

JALLER: Defense plans for the City. What shall we do in the event of another Rai attack?

TUURAHK: (Laughing) Nothing, I imagine. The Rahi are under the Makuta's control, and he protects you.

JALLER: Fantastic! Another day where the walls of Ta-Koro have not fallen!

Scene IV: A Sketchy Bar in the Wilds of Po-Wahi

(Ahkmou lazily tends bar in a mostly empty establishment. Off in the corner, around a table, are the six Toa Nuva)

TAHU: Can you believe it? We're the bad guys now?

ONUA: I don't understand.

LEWA: Well, see, the Makuta decided he was good, so we're bad now.

ONUA: But how is that possible?

POHATU: Them's the rules, I guess. Don't think we could just decided to be good either, else this how narrative conceit would fall apart.

LEWA: My Matoran started throwing fruit at me.

GALI: Mine tried to sink my boat. I can swim and breath underwater and control water so I wasn't hurt.

POHATU: Obviously.

GALI: But the gesture still hurt!

KOPAKA: ...

ONUA: Oh wow, that's awful. I never liked Ehrye anyway. Jerk. (Lewa gasps) No, no, I can say that. I'm a villain now.

GALI: There's still something we can do.

TAHU: Is there?

GALI: We can fight the Makuta as we always do!

LEWA: But we're the bad guys now?

GALI: So?

POHATU: It will be a challenge like no other!

TAHU: That's it then! We shall challenge the Makuta! Kopaka, what say you?

KOPAKA: ...

TAHU: Excellent, then we are all in accord! Let us all go to Mangaia!

(Exeunt all, except Ahkmou)

Ahkmou: Wait, guys, your tab... sheesh, they really are villains now.

(Curtains)

I am here for a revamp of UCS Hoth. Good luck folks, can't wait to see what you come up with!

Foreword

Around fourteen years ago I wrote a comedy on BZP called Good Makuta, Bad Toa. Its premise was exactly what it sounds like and was pretty typical of the then-thriving Comedies forum. For a variety of reasons, I have decided to revisit this, with fourteen more years of writing experience under my belt and simultaneously even less care. Let's go.

Cheers,

TMD

GOOD MAKUTA, BAD TOA

Act I

Scene I: Mangaia, the underground lair of The Makuta

(The Makuta, having just been once again beaten by the Toa returns to his lair.)

THE MAKUTA: Once again have those Toa bested me in combat! I have sent the might of the Rahi after the, I have tried to defeat them with the Bohrok Swarms! Failing that I assailed them with the Bohrok-Kal, but to no avail. Mayhaps a can of silver paint was not enough to redeem an ill-thought design. Even my sons, my Rahkshi, were powerless against the newfound Seventh Toa! Woe betide me that I might see my machinations brought down by some confounded prophecy! A seventh Toa? What madness might that be? But wait, my sons do approach; do they bring tidings of their battle against the Toa? Best not to overbear them, I shall retreat to the shadows and listen to what they say.

(The Makuta retreats to the shadows, which isn't hard, given that he is a being born of shadow. Enter the Rahkshi: Turahk, Guurahk, Lerahk, Panrahk, Vorahk, Kurahk)

KURAHK (angrily throwing his staff to the ground): Well, that was a total wash!

GUURAHK: It's futile to fight these Toa! Ever since that Takanuva joined them.

TURAHK: I fear our upper-hand might be lost.

GUURAHK: As if we ever had the upper-hand.

TURAHK: We had it for, like, five minutes.

LERAHK: Yeah, five minutes.

VORAHK: Hey, I'm hungry, anyone want something?

PANRAHK: I'll have whatever you're having.

(Vorahk goes to the fridge and starts rummaging around.)

TURAHK: How can you be hungry at a time like this?

VORAHK (from the fridge): Dude, kinda my thing.

PANRAHK: Plus, it's best not to weather father's rage on an empty stomach.

(Vorahk retrieves a bag of refrigerated potato chips from the fridge and two cans of soda)

VORAHK: It's the same old, same old, we fight the Toa, they say something about darkness unable to stand before the light, and that's it.

LERAHK: Every time.

KURAHK: I tire of losing!

(From the shadows materializes The Makuta.)

THE MAKUTA: My sons.

TURAHK: Father. We fought the Toa. I'm afraid we lost.

THE MAKUTA: Again? Every time you do battle do you lose. It has become a rhythm as assured as the tides. As if Destiny itself does work against us, as if were United in our Duty to defeat.

LERAHK: Yeah, basically. What he said.

THE MAKUTA: If only there were a way for us to undo Destiny, to reject our Duty! Our fight is not against the Toa but it seems against the forces of the world itself. Were there only some way to escape this onus, to free ourselves of our obligation! Were there but someway that darkness could prevail! But alas, we are but the villains of this narrative, the fiends that seek to upset the Matoran's precious world.

(The Rahkshi await The Makuta's next words in silent anticipation. Except for Vohrahk and Panrahk, who eat. Panrahk burps.)

THE MAKUTA: By Karzahni, that may yet be it. Might us not be condemned to this lot in life? My sons, I feel there may be a way for us to escape this ritual of ridicule. Evil may not be able to prevail against good, but might we be able to change our alignment?

TURAHK: Father, dare you suggest what I fear you are?

THE MAKUTA: My sons, we are to be the heroes now! We shall be the good guys! And supported by the hallowed Three Virtues, we shall be unstoppable and beloved! We must announce this change to the Matoran! We shall be hailed, our time has come! But where to announce these tidings, where will there be a gathering?

PANRAHK: At the Kolhii finals at Kini-Nui tonight?

THE MAKUTA: What conveniently timed fortune! Come, my sons, our time is now!

(Exeunt all)

Scene II: Kini Nui Kohli Stadium, actually erected slightly to the southwest of Kini-Nui itself because who would desecrate a temple with a sports stadium?

(The Kolhii finals are in full swing, it's Ta-Koro versus Po-Koro. The six Turaga are in attendance alongside hundreds upon hundreds of Matoran. The Toa are nowhere to be found.)

KOLHII ANNOUNCER: And Hewkii goes for the goal! Kapura moves to block it... he's still moving, folks, moving real slow. Still moving. Hewkii strikes the ball and– Mata Nui Kapura blocks it! He passes the ball to Jaller, the Ta-Matoran is moving in on the Po-Koro guard. Hewkii makes to steal and oh, what a juke! Jaller has a clear path to the goal and– what's that? Are those five goalkeepers? No, wait, they're another Hafu Originals® carved by Hafu during the game! Jaller shoots and the ball rebounds off a Hafu Original®! 

(A whistle blows)

KOLHII ANNOUNCER: That's the referee! No doubt a challenge has been made by the Ta-Koro team about having Hafu Originals® in play! The judges are conferring now. Truly, this is an unusual situation. Po-Koro did not field any additional players, but does Hafu carving these statues constitute a violation of these rules? The ramifications of this decision could affect the sport for years to come. Oh, wait, they've reached a decision!

(A judge steps forward from the huddle)

JUDGE: Well, there's nothing in the rules that says you can't carve Hafu Originals® during a match!

KOLHII ANNOUNCER: And that's the call! It looks like Ta-Koro has their work cut out for them in this match.

(The lights dim)

KOLHII ANNOUNCER: What's this? Does a shadow approach?

TERRIFIED LE-MATORAN: It's The Makuta!

(The Makuta, materializes in the middle of the field, flanked by his six Rahkshi.)

THE MAKUTA: Gathered Matoran, please, be calm. I mean you no harm, never have I.

VAKAMA: Then what about those Rahi attacks?

THE MAKUTA: They were to protect you from dangers you knew naught about.

VAKAMA: And the Bohrok?

THE MAKUTA: Extensive remodeling.

VAKAMA: The Bohrok-Kal?

THE MAKUTA: Remodeled remodelers.

WHENUA: Seems legit.

VAKAMA: I'm unconvinced!

THE MAKUTA: And so you might well be. But believe me when I say I want nothing more than for you to be better. It is for this reason that I have decided– (A Kolhii ball bashes the side of his head) Who dares attack The Makuta?

(All heads turn to see Jaller casually-but-not-really-casually-because-he's-trying-too-hard-to-look-casual holding his Kolhii Staff behind his back).

THE MAKUTA: Insolent Matoran! You are but a speck to try and exploit my sole weakness, that of ill-fated games of skill! For that you shall... (The Makuta composes himself) You shall be rewarded for your heroism! Son of Fragmentation, reward this brave Matoran!

(Panrahk steps forward. Jaller recoils. A hush of silence befalls the crowd. Panrahk places a crudely-made daisy chain around Jaller's neck).

PANRAHK: He has been rewarded!

(The Rahkshi cheer. Kapura half-heartedly cheers too.)

THE MAKUTA: My Matoran, you have naught to fear from The Makuta any more!

TURAHK (aside): Naught to fear? Then what am I here for?

THE MAKUTA: From this day forth, The Makuta is good! I am the protector of Mata Nui and all its inhabitants. You have heard it here, The Makuta is your hero!

(Curtains)

This is dope.

Ugh, why the exclusive Iron Man armor. Now I gotta get this one too. Or at least the 'fig.

That sounds really dope. Do post videos if they crop up.

 

Regretfully, our schedule also means we'll miss LEGO's Global Head for Product Safety & Compliance speaking on Monday.

 

Ugh. I was looking forwards to that.

Oh my god. I definitely need to get a Windows boot on my Mac so I can fulfill a seventeen year long dream.

I have a whole bunch of them. I even made a topic at one point with the intention of eventually sharing them with everyone. Sadly, there's no real way of doing that, because the vast majority were created in 32-bit gamemaker, which means it's impossible to run them on modern versions of windows (I believe anything after WIndows XP is 64-bit). The only hope was a crude conversion program gamemaker themselves offered, but unfortunately it doesn't work well at all.

 

I wish someone with the expertise could write a more competent version of the conversion program, but I think any interest in doing such a thing has probably faded ever since gamemaker was bought by yoyo games and became a freemium application.

By any chance does your stash include Super Smash Matoran?

Who ate all the pies?

The food court offerings.

That sounds so much cooler than it has any right to.

Hmm. I wonder if that bottle'd work as a LEGO decanter. 

The way you describe it, it sounds more to me like a mask power than an element. Would make a pretty cool, mask, something like the power of animation.

While I'm dreaming, how about a faux documentary about deforestation and gentrification in LEGOLAND? The cypress tree went extinct when the small Town got paved over to become a World City...and due to poor zoning laws, some neighborhoods had nothing but police stations and fire stations for years.

With rampant crime (all over the place) and no healthcare to speak of, this could be fascinating.

Ya'll's dedication to uncovering as much information about the cringiest corner of BIONICLE is what makes me love this website.

Man, that's some Warren Robinett level shenanigans.

Also, it would be cool to get this matoran builder kit, a box of sorted arms, bodies, feet and masks in most colours. The heads would just be the regular dark gray. That would've been awesome

Dude, we've been having this same discussion for over ten years.

(and darnit I still want one)

I love that head. So creepy, so nightmarishly anthropomorphic crab-like. Body's dope too, keeps the bruiser tone. The claws though, bug me. They seem gangly on him, almost more like tentacles than claws. Those I wouldn't mind being a bit bulkier.

But elsewise, dude, that's a really cool Carapar.

Looks dope, dude. Someone's clearly been playing a lotta Titanfall and Battlefront.

They really lep in to this one.