...and yet, also my best friends.
Note first that one of my best friends, whom we'll call K, is a guy in my grade. The other, whom we'll call T, is a girl in the grade below me. A lot of my friends are girls in the grade below me. K is really important because it means I actually get to talk to him at times other than before school in the morning and the 7 minute break in the afternoon. Also note that there is one class that involves grades 7-12, meaning I get to talk to T and others. One particular person, who I've been noticing lately (let's go with L), is also in this class.
We begin this tale a few Thursdays ago, after the homecoming parade. There are no classes after that, but the buses don't come for an hour or so, so it's a great time to talk to people. I was talking to T, with L and a person we'll call Y nearby. Y used to have a crush on me. Y turned away from her conversation with L to ask me something. The question asked hinted that the two of them were definitely talking about me. I thought nothing of it as I continued to talk to T. Then a few seconds later I hear L saying "You only like him 'cause of his body." And following that: "Don't tell [my girlfriend] that. She'll kill you."
This last week or two I've been hanging out more with L before that class. The teacher has to walk down from the elementary school to get to class, so we have minutes to mess around. It started with me taking interest in something she was writing. And after that, it just became practise for me to sit by her hideout, with several exceptions. On one of the first days I began doing this (maybe THE first), K pushed me towards/on top of her in his strange annoying way of making friends (and it works, btw ).
One day, I sat by L in my usual practise, but a few seconds later, she moved. I moved with her, but when she moved again, I realised what was happening, so I didn't follow. I mentioned this to K, and he insisted on pointing out that he was also moving with me. Y also said that L was freaked out by K. So apparently that was why she was moving.
Wednesday, K found out - no, he'd known for a while, I guess he just got it confirmed - that I have a crush on L. And because of K's loudness, T caught on. Between the two of them practically shouting about it with L less than three feet away, I'm sure she caught on. But both of them insist that she is clueless.
Despite that, when I saw L on Thursday morning she was really...cold...to me. Maybe she was trying to imitate the type of humour I use to make her laugh (I love making people laugh, and now that I've made her laugh harder than I've ever heard her laugh, it's awesome), but I don't think so. She just seemed really cold. And yet she still talked to me later that afternoon and even laughed at what I was saying. And I would say she was talking to K and I, but I remember she did talk to me before K showed up.
Rewind several weeks. I found out once about T liking this one guy in my grade and I've teased her a few times about it. One time when she seemed not to like me talking about it, I told her I only mentioned it around her. Thursday, the two of them were both in the same area as each other and I. All I said was half of T's name followed by "Mmm. Nevermind." She immediately turned around with "I'm gong to tell everyone you like L!" with my girlfriend right behind her.
What I hated most about this situation was that it was Thursday at the end of the day, and I wouldn't be able to talk to her until Monday. I decided to go to the Volleyball game just to talk to her if she was there. I peeped in the gym and saw no one I knew, so I followed my almost-brother-friend to the 3rd grade football game. It was boring there. Just as I was about to go back inside to warm up, T showed up there.
And there around a few other people, she brought up L and I (as in, me, not a letter I named a person with). One particular person there is best friend to L's little sister and a huge gossiper. I tried to ask T not to keep bringing that up around people and mentioned how I barely even said anything around the guy she likes - nothing noticeable. She insists that he would have known what it means.
"Oh, and you're saying L didn't catch you practically yelling about her and I less than three feet from her?"
"No. She thinks you like - "
"Tell me."
And the fact that she couldn't finish that sentence and "forgot" who L thinks I like is evidence that T could have easily been making that story up.
One of the main reasons I don't want this talked about is that I don't think I'm going to pursue this crush. I'm going to make the attempt to overcome it. This would be especially good, since L is my girlfriend's best friend. Both T and I think that L wouldn't be near so friendly to me after I break up with my girlfriend. And there are so many other reasons I don't want to date right now. So I don't want anyone to hear I even have this crush on L, because I'm not going to pursue it, but I still want to befriend her, which becomes so much more unlikely if she finds out I "like her."
I also don't want any (more) people finding out about this until after I break up with my girlfriend (which I will do, considering I don't want to date at this time anyway and I've found she's not the person I'd want to date even if I was going to at this time). Oh and also, L has a lot of similar behaviors as my current girlfriend, and L might be just as wrong for me as my girlfriend is.
And then there's the general reason that people generally try and keep their crushes a secret anyway (whyever that is).
Oh also, something up there in the other paragraphs reminded me of this. Why do girls always get freaked out if someone thinks they're pretty/has a crush on them. I mean, do they want to always be thought of as ugly or something? Because the way some girls dress would contradict that statement. Certainly they don't always want to be hated. Maybe they're just choosy. That's good, in that case, but I still find it odd.
...long entry. It'll be nice to have all those thoughts out of my head.
