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Showing results for tags 'Life'.
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Inspired by real life, my imaginary friends in the IDES, and music from The Lion King. Under the Stars Out in Cameroon, John was entering his sixth year of service, building schools and homes for families. When he received the phone call, he remained silent, said "yes" several times, and then hung up. "Oh my God!" he gasped, and he let himself crouch down, with his elbows on his knees and one hand in his dusty face. He continued working, but didn't say anything to anyone. "Are you right?" asked Kate, sensing that not all was well with John. Whenever he was in a strained mood, everyone seemed to be able to know. How they knew, he wasn't quite sure, because he was never able to tell when others were not doing fine, but he was different. If this had been any sort of bad news, he would have lied and said he was fine, but he couldn't say that. "I can't talk about it now." They finished their day's work, spend time with their African friends, but John resigned early and started packing with some help of his friend Roger. "Still not talking?" said Roger. "John, your poker face is atrocious." John sat down upon one of his bags. There was very little energy in his movements, and he continued to avoid eye contact. He was withdrawn, not in the same place as Roger. When he talked, he sounded as if he was about to cry. "I've been off in Cameroon for six years...Things have felt so right, but my life is changing so much. I've been so lucky to have you as a friend all this time, and Kate. Have so much on my mind right now, and I don't know what it all means." Roger knelt down next to John. "Do you know where to start?" "My father's dying, Roger, and he's only fifty," said John. "I haven't seen him in six years." He began to cry, and Kate walked in. "The last conversation I had with him was an argument," continued John. "He told me I should go to college, but I thought that my calling was here. But I miss home. Most of all, I miss Mom. When my parents got divorced, I almost never got to see her. I only saw her once a month, and I never spent much time with her during my life except for when I was a little kid, about nine years old. I haven't had my childhood in a long, long time, and I always figured it would come back, because I would eventually find it and I could just have that one special moment with everyone in the family and all my old friends and that thing I had when I was young would be with me again, you know? Now I can never go back, because in order to have that I need my entire family there, and now my father's dying and I'm never going to have that relationship that I wanted, like I thought I was planning on returning to America in two or four years, a changed man, because it made sense. I thought he would see who I became, see the types of things I dedicated my life to, and he would be proud of me and love me for it, and my mother would love me because she always loves me, and I could have everything I always wanted, but - but..." John returned to crying and tears streamed down his cheeks. Kate sat next to him and held his hand. "John, I'm so sorry," she said. Then she embraced him. Roger joined in and turned it into a group hug centered around John. "I want to tell you so many stories about him," said John. "I know you can do that," said Roger. "You're the best person I know when it comes to telling stories. I'll listen to every word." They finished packing, and after a couple of days they talked with everyone there who knew them and explained why they had to leave. Since they did not have a car, they walked the whole way to Yaoundé. The hike lasted for a couple days, since they each had their own bags to carry. The second night, as they settled in an open field of grass, started a fire, and unfolded their sleeping bags, John looked up at the stars and thought about Heaven. "Grandpa, I know that I talk to you sometimes. I guess Dad's going to be there with you soon." Kate and Roger sat to his right, poking the fire with sticks. They talked somewhat, but most of all, they listened to John tell stories about his father. "And the thing is, I guess I'm just upset that he never got to know me," he said, answered by the distant, ever-present crackle of the fire. "He was never good enough for me when Mom wasn't there to support him, so maybe I thought that my relationship could never be so deep because it stopped feeling the way that it should have felt. I've spent the better part of my life hoping that everything would be perfect again and that I could have the family I had when I was a kid, or at least, that's what I always thought. I always thought it was actually running away, but now it seems the exact opposite. When I turned twenty, I suffered depression because I was growing, because I was shocked at how far away my childhood was, and I was in despair because my next birthday would never be eight or nine, and that the one moment that always stuck out to me, the one that my whole life seems to be centered around, could last fore..." He looked and saw Kate and Roger sleeping, the orange firelight illuminating their calm, peaceful faces. No longer aware, but still there for him. Maybe that one moment that was his entire life was behind him. Maybe his entire life was now in this moment. "God, make this last." 24601
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Hey, BZPower. Sorry for not being too active this past month. Life's been kind of crazy for me. I suppose before I jump into talking about fun things like MOCs, I should get the important stuff out of the way. School has not been going well for me. I'm in my second semester studying Industrial Design, but my classes have really been a huge source of anxiety, which has at times been crippling for me. I have a couple weeks left here in Boston, but after that I'm going to take a semester off to get some counseling and therapy, perhaps try and get a job, and take time to re-evaluate my life goals, which may not be attainable through the path I'm currently on even if I can get my emotions in check. Now, I've gotten slight relief from various opportunities to visit with family and friends. As I announced in my last entry, I went to Cloudsdale Congress over Spring Break, and it was a phenomenal experience. I definitely plan to attend other My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fan conventions in the future, because it was really fun and eye-opening (giving me the chance to interact with dozens of other bronies as well as to explore areas of the fandom I hadn't yet indulged in, like the fan music). I roomed with some bronies from my hometown, and I look forward to attending some meetups with them over the summer -- they're very fun people! After the convention I had some time to burn before my mom could pick me up and take me home, so I visited the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. On the way there, I happened to be on the subway with some of the folks from the fan project Double Rainboom, including PKEmi, who voiced Rainbow Dash (A bit of warning, I still haven't seen Double Rainboom, since I'm going to a meetup in Boston to see it tomorrow, so don't spoil it in the comments). We all had a great conversation, and Emi and I have managed to connect via social networks since then, which is great. Always nice to make a lasting connection at an event like this. I spent just a couple days at home before I had to go down to North Carolina to visit my Nana, who has been in the hospital for a few weeks after having a fall. It was good to visit her, even though I'm worried about her. Then I took a plane from New Bern to Hartford, where my uncle from Connecticut picked me up to stay with him for a few days. My aunt and uncle have a fifteen-month-old baby who's a joy to spend time with, and it was great to spend the next couple days there before getting on the bus to get back to school. Since then I spent last weekend with my aunt and uncle again to celebrate my birthday (March 29) and Easter, and I got to see them and my baby cousin once more just last night when my aunt came up to Boston for a conference. It's so wonderful watching my baby cousin grow up and learn to explore the world, and I hope even over the summer when I'm not as close by I can still find time to visit them. Now, as far as LEGO is concerned, I've mostly been working with LEGO Digital Designer lately, since that had a considerable update recently. Most notably, it includes over 600 new decorations, including almost every decoration from Collectible Minifigures series 1-8! However, as is often the case, these were not mapped to the parts that use them in the software's code, meaning that I had to edit them into LXFML files myself. You can download my LXF of Minifigures Series 1-9 here. Note that parts from Series 1-8 which could not be decorated correctly are colored 294 Phosphorescent Green to differentiate them, and that some decoration surfaces like the Small Clown's hat and all decorated minifigure arms distort the decorations placed on them. Additionally, I recently got some major progress reverse-engineering the stunning Hero Factory MOC by Christoffer Raundahl which I mentioned in this entry. You can see my results here: LXF Download Errors include six parts left off of the arms (two shells due to an illegal connection and four hoses due to being too fiddly and frustrating to connect correctly), four substitutions (the custom head, the square shell detail elements on the heels, and the speaker shell detail element on the chest), four parts within the torso build not connected correctly (the shoulder suspension beams, which were giving me a lot of grief, and the hoses that connect the legs to the torso), and finally some parts potentially missing from the back, including whatever parts are meant to connect the wings to the back -- sadly, I do not have any pics of the back of this MOC. The final model would probably contain around 225 pieces and cost $50-60 as a retail model. I have managed to build a considerable portion of this model (the torso, one leg, and one upper arm) in real life to ensure that fiddly parts like the arm and leg suspension work correctly, and it's just as brilliant in its design as I imagined. It has, among other things, revealed to me just how narrow-minded I have been in envisioning uses for the 3M double ball cup (98565) introduced in Stormer XL, since despite its few connection points this piece is an invaluable structural element. Truly I would love to see this model, or a similar model derived from its design, as an official set. Anyway, that's enough rambling for today. Overall, I'm doing my best to maintain a positive outlook and take each week one day at a time. It's been a bit rough but I'm confident that once I'm back home I will have plenty of time to work on putting myself back together and finding a path I'm willing to pursue.
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1. My birthday 2. Pledging $100 to the Dresden Codak Kickstarter to get the $85 reward tier and an extra Dark Science print 3. Missing whatever apparently went down in the blogs because seriously I don't care and please don't explain it to me
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Life is pretty much school, school, school, work, work, work, and try not to be sick right now. I have less than a year before I am finally done with college. Work is really great though. My health might not be the best right now, and I'm on multitudes of medications... yet I am still able to keep up my full-time work schedule. I haven't had to call off or go into work sick. *knock on wood* This upcoming April marks my second year work with Best Buy, and I just had my annual review. I pretty much do everything above and beyond my job, and know I'll be getting another raise beyond the slight increase you typically get. My manager sat down and talked to me, and wanted to discusses further development options for my future career. Right now out of all the Best Buy stores, the store I work at and my department is in the top ten. That's the top ten of all the Best Buy stores. We currently rank at fourth. That's pretty darn amazing. While we were doing my review, he talked about how the other store managers had to contact him to find out what we do differently to perform so well. He continuously talked about me and talked me up to them. He ranted and raved so much, that the other stores were asking him to send me to their stores to help train staff. Like whaaaaaat, seriously? He then went on to say that he could easily see me being a supervisor or manager. Not in the future. Not down the road. Right now. I could go into another store and easily do the job. I have been pretty sick lately... taking two different kinds of immunosuppressants really wrecks your system. This week has been pretty good though! Finding out how highly we rank in the company out of all the stores, having my annual review and getting such high praise (I scored a 4 out of 5, 4 is considered the high mark because 5 is like just flawless perfection and most people get a 3 if that). You get a 2 just for doing your basic job duties. Today was the best day though. Tomorrow is payday and because of the performance... we got a huge bonus. Typically I might see an extra $50-100 on a check if we bonus. I am not going to post the exact bonus amount, but I'm safely able to pay off all my monthly bills, buy my cosplay materials, and put aside money for vacation. Such is life. It might not be the best at the moment, but there are some pretty good things going.
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Good news: tomorrow marks one month as a vegetarian! Bad news: I got in my first car accident today. It wasn't my fault: I was driving up the street and a guy parked on the side didn't see me and pulled out ...right into my car. There're a bunch of scratches and dents now, and of course it happened after a really long day when I really didn't feel up to handling it, but in the end it's just a car and while I am fond of it, it's still just a car. In any case, I'm glad to go to bed now.
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Well, it turns out Kit Martello didn't perform too well in the BBC contest, only getting around seven votes in the first round of polling. I don't feel too bad about not winning, since there was a lot of talent in the contest, but it still bothers me that most of my feedback concerning Kit has been largely negative. Regardless, I think Sparkytron's Eris is due a round of congratulations for emerging victorious in the final poll. There are several things I dislike about this MOC, particularly the stand, but it's still a work of art in the end. In other MOCing news, I've posted a topic of my various tablescraps over the past few months. Now, I don't mean "tablescraps" in a negative sense. I'm quite proud of these, and none of them are bare-bones Heromods. But compared to Kit Martello these were all fairly simple endeavors. I anticipate bringing Kit Martello and some of these MOCs (particularly my good buddy Bogwaddle) to Brickfair Virginia this year. I'm hoping to continue modding some of these in the meantime, and perhaps scrapping some of the more basic ones to open those pieces back up for experimentation. One set I've been hoping to get lately, both for its MOCing potential and for its brilliance as a model, is 70500 Kai's Fire Mech from the Ninjago line. But frustratingly, none of the stores around where I'm attending college seem to have it. Still, I'm keeping a sharp lookout for it, and will not be afraid to get it online if double VIP points happen before I find it in a brick-and-mortar store. So that's what's up on the LEGO/MOCing side of things. Schoolwork and other obligations have been keeping me from dedicating long stretches of time to MOCing or building, but I've recently started making progress on my drawing assignments again so hopefully I can get caught up fairly soon.
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Yeah, so tomorrow will mark two weeks of me eating no meat. It's been interesting so far. I've found I've been watching what I eat, simply because I need to make sure I can eat it, and the byproduct of that is that I'm eating healthier things. I've been eating way more vegetables, and I've been getting my protein from soy, eggs, and beans instead of meat. It hasn't been a drastic change, to be honest. Before going pescetarian, I already ate more beans than meat, but that doesn't man it hasn't been difficult. I've turned down some pretty delish stuff (oh bacon why), and even gone hungry once or twice. I'm proud of myself: it hasn't been easy, and it's cool to know that I have the willpower to cut something out of my diet and stick with it. I'm not planning on stopping anytime soon, either. I'll keep blogging too, but I'm switching to weekly updates (the downtime threw me for a loop anyway). Thanks for your support, guys! (and maybe sometime soon we'll start edging closer to vegan. who knows?)
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uuuuuuuuuuuuugh all the food I have needs an additional ingredient to make work properly and I don't wanna go shopping because the drive is a pain guess I'm not getting anything done today also you should still send me questions for the BZPodcast because that's a thing that's happening soon
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Day four! Over halfway through a week of eating no meat! Breakfast was cereal, which I usually don't care for, but I was in a hurry and anyway I'll probably be eating more of it because it's quick and also vegetarian. Lunch was a salad () and a scone. Supper was an interesting affair. I attended a young adult potluck at my church, and brought chick pea curry and rice as my dish (it's vegetarian, so it was my failsafe in case nobody else brought something I could eat). Fortunately, there was plenty I could eat. I had sushi, pasta, curry, fruit and vegetables, and a made-from-scratch cupcake (even the icing was homemade!). I'm finding that this is definitely not as difficult as I was expecting, partly because I've realized that I didn't eat a whole lot of meat before I went vegetarian. However, I'm sort of anxiously awaiting summer, because as soon as it gets warm enough for the propane not to freeze, we Canadians whip out the barbecue, and it stays out until the snow's too high to use it. I'm hoping that, by the time the thaw rolls around, I'll have gotten into the habit of not eating meat, and it will be easier. Funny side note: nobody believes that I'm vegetarian. They all think I'm joking, or say I can't really call myself a vegetarian if I've only been at it four days. That makes no sense: if I'm choosing not to eat meat, I'm pretty sure that makes me a vegetarian, regardless of how long I've been at it. Anyway, I plan to keep this up for a while, so eventually everyone will see that I'm actually serious, and not just playing a prank. So far, so good! (the bacon-wrapped sushi was hardly even a temptation ^^)
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Day three was a good day, by all accounts. Breakfast was ordinary: once again I made an egg with some potatoes. So original, right? Unfortunately, my day always starts earlier than I'd like it to, so I'm usually scrambling to get the door. Hence the quick, simple breakfasts. For lunch I had an egg salad sandwich and a pear scone. Today's temptation was a bowl of Thai chicken soup, which is seriously one of the best things in the world. But I resisted! (the scone helped) Supper was chili and rice -vegetarian chili! My mom told me that she wasn't going to cook for me (which I heartily agree with; this is my decision, after all, not hers), but my family really doesn't eat a ton of meat, and it turns out that the chili was safe. Score! Also I got stat pay for working on a holiday, played street hockey, and wrote a song. A pretty good day, I'd say. WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY
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Day two! Today was a pretty chill day. An egg with some hash browns for breakfast, and beans and noodles for lunch, so there's my protein for the day. Supper was my first real challenge, because we had roast beef and mashed potatoes for the first time in, like, ever, but I managed to stave off the temptation and just took extra potatoes and vegetables instead. Also a huge bowl of salad. Because salad is delicious. P: Changing topics, I'm starting to realize that one of the trickiest parts about my going vegetarian is that I don't like tomatoes (cue horrified gasps). I've never liked tomatoes, for as a long as I can remember. I'll eat ketchup and tomato sauce, and I'll eat tomatoes in a sauce or a chili as long as I can't taste them, but both the taste and the texture of whole or chunky pieces really throw me off. I still try them from time to time, simply because I really want to like tomatoes (they're so versatile! and healthy!), but I haven't seen a breakthrough yet. We'll see what happens, I guess. Thanks to HH and Janus for those huge paragraphs of encouraging advice on my last post. You guys rock! There's not much else for me to write about today (it was a pretty nice, relaxing day), so I'll close it here. A reminder, though: we're coming up to 1,000 comments pretty quickly, and I do have something planned for that! (note that is not an invitation to spam the comments dont kill me deevee)
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So, I've been thinking about going vegetarian for a while now. Not for any particular reason; it's just supposedly healthier, better for the environment, and more responsible as a whole in terms of leaving a footprint. I've been doing some reading on the subject for a while now, and I decided that today would be my day. Again, no particular reason. I've just been putting it off due to life being super busy, and not having the energy to attempt a major change in my diet, but I'll always find excuses if I let myself (even if I don't mean to), and there's no time like the present, right? I'll be chronicling my adventures in my blog, both as a way of keeping a record of my progress, and also as a way of staying accountable. The more people who know of my decision, the less likely I'll be to give up. Day One began with me rolling out of bed and popping upstairs to see bacon in the skillet. Without a second thought, I ate a couple pieces, before remembering my resolution. The days ahead suddenly looked a whole lot darker. Nonplussed, I declared that those two pieces were my last pieces of bacon for the foreseeable future and immediately began making breakfast. Today's my first day off in months (I usually work Monday through Saturday, and do volunteer work at my church on Sundays), so I had time to construct a cheese omelette with sautéd peppers and spinach (sautéd in coconut oil, by the way; I absolutely recommend it), and a dash of hot sauce. But Eyru, you cry. Eggs and cheese? That's not vegetarian! Au contraire, my darlings. It's not vegan. To keep things relatively simple, I'll be starting off as a lacto-ovo vegetarian, which means I'll allow myself to eat eggs and dairy products. As time passes, I may up the ante and begin eliminating those form my diet as well. I also will still consume fish, for various reasons, but I may eventually work my way up to eliminating that as well. So, for now, I'm basically cutting out red meat. My family used to be very much meat-and-potatoes, but thankfully we've gradually shifted over the past few years to a much more multicultural style of dining, so several of our meals are usually vegetarian anyway. I'm hoping this relatively gentle learning curve will help me stick with it. I'll update you tomorrow on my progress (hopefully with pictures!). In the meantime, any good recipes would be appreciated.
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This topic is for celebrating 300 posts here on BZP. Yeah! So here are the links to them. Hope you like him. http://www.brickshelf.com/cgi-bin/gallery.cgi?f=521667 - Brickshelf (Pics are not in the order that I want.) http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/352006 - Mocpages (In the order that I wanted.) Backstory: If you read my epic then you know that this is his Toa version. And this one is probably the 5th or 6th generation model that I made of him. Flaredrick really doesn't use his life powers a lot, cause it drains his energy. But he does still use his fire powers from time to time. His weapon was a A.C.R assault rifle with gun blade attachment and laser sight. (It's on my sig.) But now he carries three guns (talk about luggage), any ways they are the shotgun, assault rifle and a blaster rifle. He also carries his fire sword with him and a holo shield in combat (I know the shield isn't transparent but just pretend. It's the closest thing I could get.) So enjoy and comments and critisim are accepted.
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I just/wonder what I could write about... studying physics is still kinda fun, I passed the most crucial exams, two important ones are still ahead of me but that's not really a bad thing ( I bet I'll think differently in a week, but we'll see... then again, I can still worry about it later, right... ^^) My current daily routine is fairly boring, though; go to university, be silly with 'friends' (... whaaat, it takes a bit 'till I consider someone a friend... suspicious Taka is suspicious ><), hear stuff that confuses me (maths), hear cool/interesting stuff(physics), go home, homework, sleep, start over again next day. I guess that also causes the lack of interesting blog entries. :/ What else...eh. Oh right, some minor IRL troubles. Mostly a 'friend' (not one of those I mentioned earlier; someone else.) acting weirdly and doing things that would require AT LEAST a sincere apology to get a bit better again. Yes, I am angry. <.< Apart from that everything's okay, though.
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Spoiler alert: Once you graduate college you suddenly find plenty of time to read books that have been on your list for years, because homework is nonexistent! While I read a lot over the summer, fall and winter, I have only just recently been pushing through books left and right. Being ambitious, I hope to read 40-60 books next year, including, but not limited to: The Cassandra Project NW American Gods Ready Player One Gone Girl Cloud Atlas The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo World War Z Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy Redshirts Robopocalypse Night Circus The Dresden Files Any strike your fancy? What in particular is on your list for next year? -CF (New year's resolutions include the usual: read more and build LEGO more)
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When the lightning strikes and the thunders roar I am the waves that rise above the storm I am a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar I am the fire within, ready to swarm I am the earth, I am body, I am Life. When the earth swallows and covers you I am the life that devours I am that which turned you blue I am one who’s beside you in your final hours I am darkness, I am soul, I am Death. When the unthinkable happens or a memory is lost I am that unexplained moment of pure bliss I am a path that cannot be crossed I am when something is amiss I am hidden, I am confusion, I am Undefined.
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I'm not on the internet for more than 30 minutes before I saw something on my renowned social network and thought this GLORIOUS idea!
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Ah yes...that time of year where the Semester ends and I get to turn off all my alarm clocks. :3 (oh ya and this photo's completely unrelated to the topic. I just thought it was funny!)
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It was amazing. I don't want to put any spoilers here (though really if you haven't seen it you shouldn't have clicked ), so I'll suffice with saying that it was an excellent movie. There are some parts that I would've liked to see done differently, and there are some parts that absolutely blew me away. Aw, whatever, I've gotta get into a few specifics. If you haven't seen the Hobbit, guard yourself and turn away! First of all, I have to say that the opening sequence was easily one of the best parts, if not the best part of the movie. Erebor was portrayed magnificently; every scene of the halls under the Mountain were stunning to the point of breathlessness. Smaug's invasion was thrilling even though the Wyrm himself was hidden, and the war at the gates of Moria was also excellent. Andy Serkis stole the film as Gollum. The riddle-scene was more than I could hope for, and Bilbo's struggle between murder and mercy was brilliant (that reminds me: Martin Freeman did an exceptional job as the titular Hobbit). Overall, it was an excellent movie. There were however, a few downsides: One was the length. At nearly three hours, this movie almost matches each of the three LotR films for length. This isn't helped by the fact that the film drags a bit in parts, especially the first act, which is almost entirely spent inside Bag End. Something else that disappointed me was the license that Peter Jackson took with the book. One of the things I love most about the LotR trilogy is how faithful, for the most part, it is to the books. The Hobbit, in contrast, is not. Some of these changes are nigh unnoticeable; some are appreciated; but some are completely unnecessary. Regardless, I highly recommend the Hobbit. If you haven't seen it, but read through this entry anyway, I encourage you to go buy a ticket and see it for yourself. I loved it,and will probably end up seeing it in theatres at least a few more times. What does everyone else think so far? Favourite scene? Praise? Complaints? Let's hear it!
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ANDREW FOUND A PICTURE OF HIMSELF HE NEVER RECALLED TAKING. What was more, he couldn't make sense of it. His hair in this picture was just a tad bit longer than he had ever grown it out, which wasn't very far. He never recalled wearing that striped shirt, nor dd he recognize the setting. What was this doing in his father's closet? He heard his father coming. He couldn't afford to be caught rummaging through his drawers. He put the picture in his shirt pocket and hid in the closet. For good measure, he tossed clothes on top of him. It wouldn't make a difference if he covered himself or not, though. If his father opened up the closet, he would be doomed. His father entered the room. There was a groan, the sound of tool being dropped to the ground. The Old Man mumbled and shifted through his stuff. There was a pause. Had he noticed that the drawers were open? Andrew's heart beat. An hour passed, and his father didn't leave the room. Andrew was trapped. He kept on reminding himself to control his breath, and the logical thing to do would be to go off to sleep to keep his nerves down, but if he was caught during a lull of attention he couldn't run out as fast as he could have. He would be vulnerable. Still more time passed. It seemed his father was taking a nap in the afternoon. Why did he always have to do that? Also, there was the question of whether or not he would notice Andrew's supposed absence. There had been no school today due to a teachers' meeting, but Dad didn't know about that, so he assumed Andrew was at school. He should have been home now. He would be making noise. His father was always a creeper who looked inside the room to see how Andrew was doing, whether he made noise or not. Then Andrew heard the sound of floorboard creaking the door opening, and his father walking through the living room. It sounded like he was checking his room. Since Andrew was light on his feet and only a hundred pounds, he cast the clothes off of him and opened the closet door just as he heard his father enter the living room, all the while closing the closet door to cover up his tracks better this time. He had only one chance at this. Father had left the door to his room open, and Andrew managed to make his way out into the living room. His father's back was to him. Andrew slipped through the kitchen and into the breezeway, where he crouched. He listened carefully, but from here he couldn't hear his father's movements. It was safe to assume that if he was careful, his father wouldn't hear him if he slipped through the door, either. Andrew left the house and jumped on his bike, which was hidden in the weeds of the backyard garden. He kicked off with his feet and peddled off, taking the emergency route of the gravel alleyway that ran down the middle of the block, connecting all of the backyards. And then he was far away from home. He took a detour to get to uptown, where his friend Trenton lived in a bright blue house with an actual driveway. He knocked at the door, and Mrs. Van Holland, Trenton's mother, answered the door. "Hello, Andrew!" said Mrs. Van Holland. "Trenton's upstairs playing video games." Andrew thanked her and ran to Trenton's room. It was filled with stuff on the wall and LEGO sets, along with all the coolest action figured. He was sitting on his bed, with his hair wet from a recent shower, and was busy playing a Mario game on his Gameboy Color. "'Sup, man?" said Trenton. "Hey, I have the money to buy that new game, Fallout," said Andrew. He pulled out a couple of Benjamin Franklins from his chest pocket. Trenton set down the Gameboy and leaned forward. "Nice!" It was better than nice. Two hundred dollars could get them several games. The best part was that Andrew's father wouldn't notice a thing, given how disorganized and cluttered his room was. Then Trenton added, "Hey, what's that in your pocket?" Andrew drew up his hand. "It's just a picture of me." "Let me see it," said Trenton. Andrew was hesitant, but he wasn't about to deny his best friend something. It would have been uncool. So he took it out of his pocket and let Trenton look at it. Without hesitation, Trenton said, "You look like a girl!" "I do not!" said Andrew. "Do to!" "Do not!" "Do too!" Andrew checked the picture again and hated to admit that his friend was right. At nine years old, he had a certain androgynous freshness about him and a roundness of face that had yet to mold itself into the features of a grown man. Combined with how this was clearly the longest his hair had ever been before he cut it last spring, he looked like a generic kid, indistinct from a girl or boy. He wished he could be a little cooler and more handsome, like he thought of Trenton, instead of pretty. He put the picture back in his pocket and looked defeated. "Chill, Andrew, I'm only teasing you," said Trenton. "Yeah, well I don't like it," said Andrew. "I'm sorry, man," said Trenton. "I just want to get those video games," said Andrew. "What are we going to do with the extra money?" "I don't know," said Andrew. "I'll save it for later." "Sure thing," said Trenton. "It's your money." They left Trenton's house, went to the local Wal*Mart, bought Fallout, and came back to Trenton's house to try it out. Unfortunately, it was single-player, so they had to take turns playing it and decided that they could spend more time shooting hoops in Trenton's driveway. They went out and lit up the porch light, playing basketball even after the sun went down. After a while, Andrew gathered up a sweat and it was time to stop. Besides, one could only stick to one activity for so long. "Hey Andrew, are you thinking of joining the basketball team when you get to middle school?" asked Trenton. "Sure," said Andrew. "We actually practice. The only question is whether I will be better than you." "No chance," said Trenton. "You'll be following me." "Then I'll be the second best on the team," said Andrew. "And I'll keep you on your heels, because I'm awesome." Andrew got down on his bottom and rested on the grass. He grabbed his sweaty shirt and tugged back and forth at its chest region, using it as a fan. He needed a shower. That really sucked because his father's shower didn't have a water softener and he ended up smelling worse coming out than going in. He was going to have to spend the night at his grandparent's house. Mrs. Van Holland opened the door. "Trenton, you'd better come back in and prepare for bed." "But mom, can I at least have supper?" asked Trenton. The Van Hollands were awesome. Half the time they had pizza for supper. That might have been today, too, except Trenton had gone with Andrew across town to visit Wal*Mart. Andrew really should have waited until the next day so that he could do that in the immediate afternoon instead of during the bad timing that came upon him today, and then he could have had supper with the Van Hollands so long as he lied about having his father's permission. "No, Trenton, now come inside. Andrew! You'd better go home before your father wonders where you're at!" "Alright, mom..."said Trenton, disappointed. "Yes, Mrs. Van Holland," said Andrew, playing the part of the role-model friend. Mrs. Van Holland smiled at him and waved him off on his merry way. He got on his bike, said goodbye to Trenton, and biked off. To the eastern 'burbs, where Grandpa and Grandma Penn lived. They were on his father's side, and they were far nicer than his dad, who was uncool and just plain didn't get him. When he came up to the front porch, he let the bike drop as he ran to the doorbell and rang with one long press of his thumb, letting it go on and on until one of them answered the door. Grandma Penn opened the door. "Andrew, what are you doing out so late?" "I'm sorry Grandma. I just lost track of time." "You're sweating like a bull," she said, and brought him in. Inside, Andrew saw his grandfather, a big, burly man, looking at a newspaper on the living room chair. He thought he was off the hook, but he didn't stand a chance with Grandpa Penn, who said at once the very last thing he wanted to hear. "Does your father know where you are?" Andrew's face flushed. He looked at Grandpa Penn with a dear-in-headlights look that gave away everything. Grandpa set down the newspaper, adjusted his suspenders. Trying to keep his innocence going for him, Andrew made up an excuse, "But I'm going to take a shower here. I don't want to smell in Dad's icky shower. Isn't that a good idea?" "Where have you been?" asked Grandpa. "I was at home with dad," said Andrew. "I was with him the whole time. I just decided to come over here for a shower." "Margaret..." said Grandpa. "Andrew," picked up Grandma. "You do smell. We'll show you the shower, but you can't go running off at night like this. Now for goodness sakes, that shirt smells. Let me remove this." She removed it. Meanwhile, Grandpa leaned over to the phone next to the chair and piked it up to call Andrew's father. Andrew was busted. Then Andrew took his shower, came out smelling nice, and Grandma had a blue shirt out and ironed for him. "And tomorrow's a school day, Andrew. You're going to have to wake up early and catch the bus. Oh, what are we going to do with you?" Grandpa was at the kitchen counter. He was looking down at a crumpled wad of dollars and scattered coins. It was the change left over from the video game. "Where did you get this money?" asked Grandpa. "I earned it," said Andrew. "I mowed Trenton Van Holland's lawn." "And they payed you a hundred dollar bill?" "Their family is rich," said Andrew. "And they really like me." "I'm giving this back to your father," said Grandpa. "And when he comes here, you're going to have to apologize to him for stealing from him." "But I really got that from my friend's house!" said Andrew. "I'm not stupid, you know." "Where is he, by the way?" said Grandma. She was right. Andrew's dad wasn't there yet. "He said to just wait a bit. It would take him a while to get ready. So I'm waiting. And Andrew will have to sit right here next to me." "You're terrible!" said Andrew. "You're just like Dad!" Grandpa took Andrew and put him on his knee. "Your father loves you more than you could know, and you're just too young to see it." "You're just saying that because that's what adults are supposed to say!" Grandpa just held him down while he squirmed, and Grandma went to the front door to wait for his father. He was still taking some time. After he had slowed down and retreated to a mode of skulking, Andrew noticed that his picture was in Grandpa's plaid shirt pocket. It was crinkled up from when it has been in his own while he was playing basketball, but he wanted to reach out and grab it. It felt like it belonged to him. The money maybe wasn't his, but he felt he had a right to the picture. His father didn't have a camera. Nobody ever took any pictures of him. It was special. "Grandpa, can I please have my picture back?" Grandpa reached into his pocket, as if just remembering that it was there. "You might as well." He placed it in Andrew's shirt pocket. Andrew took it out. "That's this, anyway? I don't remember taking this picture. Who was taking pictures, anyway?" he asked. "Nobody takes pictures in this family," said Grandpa. "It wasn't me. But this isn't a picture of you, anyway. This is a picture of your mother." "What? So it really is a picture of a girl?" Andrew now sat on Grandpa's lap in such a way similar to a child listening to a parent reading a story. Grandpa held out the picture so they could both see. "This was Ellen when she was your age. She changed when she got older. You look a lot like her." "That's my mom?" said Andrew. "Yes, you know what she looked like," said Grandpa. "Actually, no, I don't," said Andrew. Grandpa looked confused, and then sad. He sighed and shook his head. "That's right. They never took any pictures together when she was still alive. I believe your grandparents on your mothers side had a few wedding photos before they died, too, but your father wouldn't have any, save for some old stuff from her album. He must have something on hand to cling on to. He doesn't loom so much on the paste, though. He's very internal. I wouldn't expect this to be out much. I'm so sorry. I thought you knew what your own mother looked like." He sighed again. "Well now I just had a revelation." Andrew didn't feel the need to cry. He had never known his mother. The subject wasn't sad for him. However, it did feel odd, once he thought about it. Maybe other people could feel sad for him because they experienced something he had to miss out on. "Do you think I should give this to Dad?" "Maybe," said Grandpa. "Well, in this case, I think it's okay just once for you to take something from your father. Just ask him for it, though. I don't know what the story behind his reason for keeping this is. Maybe it's important that he keeps it. But you should know more about her sometime. I'm sure I have many stories to share with you." Stories. The Penn family tradition. They didn't keep collages of photographs to preserve memories: generations of knowledge passed down by word of mouth. To this day, though, Andrew had always heard of the things on his father's side of the family, and his father never had anything to tell him about his mother. He thought about it and decided he would like to hear them sometime. "The important thing that you know right now, Andrew, was that your father loved your mother, and your mother loved your father very much. She would want you to love him, too." "Do I have to?" "No, kid, but you ought to." From the kitchen window, the lights of Dad's pickup truck came in. He would put Andrew's bike in the trunk. Then his father came in and picked up Andrew off of Grandpa's lap. "Don't touch me..." said Andrew. He hated it when Dad assumed that he couldn't do stuff for himself. "Son," said Grandpa, referring for Andrew's dad, "take care of him. And also, one day you'll have to spend some time with me and your mother, alone. You can send Andrew off to his friend's house. I bet he can mow the lawn to make up for the money he spent, but what I think we really need to have is some of our old father-to-son time so you know how to be a genuine symbol for strength for your son." Andrew left as soon as he could and didn't want to hear the rest of the conversation. It was Grandpa just trying to negotiate a peace treaty. That's all those adults ever did. They didn't care about him, though. He left the house, got into Dad's truck, and cried. Why did everyone always have to side with Dad? Dad didn't care! He looked at the wrinkled picture of his mother at his age. Seeing her for the first time, and seeing such a radiant smile, she looked like the person who would care. He found himself really wishing he had known her mother and had more than just a picture to work with. Who cared about knowing some story when someone could have a whole other important person in his life? Dad got into the truck and drove off. Andrew sat on the far side and made sure he was close to the window. it was silent the whole way home. However, Andrew underestimated the wisdom of his grandparents. They taught his father as a child, and they would continue to teach his father. All he had to do now was to learn the lessons he was given from his late wife, whose story still lived on through him.
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Monday. Everyone hates Mondays. It’s time for kids to go back to school, while their parents go to work. I dropped my children off at the school and I started the long drive to work. My daughter, Anna, is twelve and her brother, Skyler, is seven. They are a couple months into school and they have been doing great in their classes so far. I make my way through the busy traffic of all the adults who are groggy from rushing to get ready to begin the work week. You see them sipping their coffee, biting their toast, and making sure ties and makeup and presentations are perfect and ready. Thankfully I don’t have to worry about all of that, because I am a nurse. I slip on my scrubs, name tag, and stethoscope, and then I’m off. I also carry a pager which I always carry, even to bed, so I’m used to always remembering it. The line of cars finally moved some more. Darn construction. I see my exit and get off on it. I come to a stop sign, where I have to wait for a whole row of cars to pass before I can go, and across the street to the other ramp, I see a man. He is looking for a ride. He has a sign, which reads: Heading to Minnesota. He looks terrible. His face is covered in hair with messy hair on top of his head and clothes that appear really worn and dirty. I always feel bad when I see someone trying to get a ride and it appears they have everything they own in a bag and they have to carry it everywhere with it. I’m sure it gets heavy with all that walking and the weather definitely isn’t always nice. It’s rare that people are willing to actually help such a soul, because you never know if they would still your car and stuff and leave you where they were just moments before. Also, if they would kill you in the process or take one of the passengers with them, so as no one could call the police. It can be hard to tell the good ones from the bad ones, especially if they have kids with them or a cute pet. The cars all pass and there is time for me to go. I drive away, regretting not being able to help him, but thankful I haven’t had to endure such hardship. I get to work and start my shift. I go to see my first patient and check her vitals. They are a mother and daughter, with the daughter having what appears to be a break of a bone in her ankle. I speak with them about what occurred to the daughter. The mother stated that her daughter was outside playing and came inside for something to drink, but when she went back out, she tripped going down the stairs. I check her ankle and try moving it, but the little girl screamed from my very touch. Seems the mother had to carry her into the hospital and into the observation room. I tell her that we are going to have to perform some x-rays, but it definitely appears to be a break. She nods in approval, but then asks what many patients tend to ask me when they come from low-income families. “How much is this going to cost?” Since she was asking, it meant that she most likely didn’t have insurance, but being a nurse, I am still supposed to ask. “Do you have insurance?” I asked. “No,” she replied. I then explained that it would involve many doctor visits and then how much it would cost for the x-rays, doctor visits, and cast placement and removal. Also what it would cost if crutches were necessary as well. She then began to tear up. I wanted to comfort her, so I explained that there are payment plans that we can offer her so she wouldn’t have to pay it all at once. Being a nurse, I have medical insurance through the hospital, so I haven’t had to worry about paying for doctor visits for my family. This made her feel slightly better and she thanked me for offering to help with more than just making her daughter feel better. I then finished my shift and went to pick up my children. My daughter and son were waiting at the front of their schools. I had asked Skyler how his day at school was and he was still talking about it when we picked up Anna and until we got home. We all went inside and they put their bags away in their rooms and got washed up as I went in the kitchen to see what my husband, Kyle, was cooking. He works as a math professor at the local university. So after he is done with his two morning classes, he comes home and does the cooking and I do cooking when I work night shifts or have the day off. I helped him finish cooking and have the kids set up the table while I told him about Skyler’s day at school and mine at work. He then told me about his day at work as well and then we put the food on the table and served the kids and ourselves. Kyle: So Skyler, your mother told me about the girl you like. Skyler: Mommmmm! I don’t like her. Anne: Skyler’s got a girlfriend. Skyler’s got a girlfriend. Skyler: No I don’t. He then starts to tickle his sister, but Kyle picks him and puts him back in his chair, as Anne and I giggle at the situation. Kyle: Alright! Alright! Let’s leave him alone. So Anne, we know about your brothers day, how was yours? Anne: It was awesome! Addy and I beat Sam and Dean in volleyball in P.E. Kyle: That’s my girl! Learn anything interesting? Anne: Oh yea, in Math, we learned more on fractions and in History, we learned about something called The Great Depression. Skyler: What’s a Great Depression? Anne: Well, it’s when this thing called a Stock Market Crash happened, and many people lost all their money, and couldn’t get jobs. Families became homeless and had to live on streets and struggled for food and shelter, even the rich were hurt by it. Skyler: Wow! That won’t happen to us, will it daddy? Kyle: No son. That was a long time ago. Things are different now. You guys don’t need to worry about that. Skyler: Whew! Good! Anne: Yea! We’re lucky. We have a good life, huh, mom? Katie: That’s right hunny! We do have a good life. Katie reaches over and grabs Kyle’s hand as she thinks about all the things that happened today to make her feel like they truly had the good life.
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That last entry came off as far more whiny and self-pitying than I intended so I basically over-analyzed the junk out of it to figure out why I posted it since I'm not into the whole phishing-for-pity gimmick, and i think I rooted out the point I was trying to make: I'm not complaining that I have nothing to do over the weekend. I'm sure plenty of people are in the same situation and their life probably sucks worse than mine. I'm not complaining that I have to work. Plenty of other people do too, and they have longer shifts, worse jobs, pay, haven't seen their family in years, etc. They're the one who are making sure our utilities and functional systems are still around when we come back over the weekend. Props to them. (Extra special thanks to everyone serving in the military right now who can't afford a break. Doesn't matter what military. Kudos to you guys.) I knew this was coming and didn't ask for the days off. My work is actually decent and everyone seems to appreciate the effort I put in to make the store look nice and to help customers. And I'm certainly very glad that I have a job in the first place. I'm not complaining that all I'm going to do is look at cats online, play Mass Effect 3, or eat a turkey hot pocket (and maybe even get a little extra homework done). I'm glad I have the time and capability to do those things, and I'm happy that I have the resources to buy, cook, and eat that hot pocket, and I'm especially happy that I have a working computer, console, TV, and especially my sketch tablet which is totally rad. Here's what my entire entry boiled down to. I mean, at the core of that entire pitiful, entitled mess, here's what I was really trying to say: My light is broken and makes my entire room seem derelict and horrid. It's annoying me because I can't figure out how to fix it. That's all I was really trying to say. I locked the other entry but I'm leaving it up so that these two can serve as a contrast when I look back on these in a couple years if I'm foolish enough to necromance my old blog entries again. MY LIGHT IS BROKEN GUYS FEEL BAD FOR ME
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Basically everyone else in my entire college has gone home since we got the entire week off class for Thanksgiving, and I'm still sitting around the empty college because my job scheduled me to work this entire week. Another family that I've know for a while invited me to Thanksgiving dinner with them because they knew I'd be alone this entire time, but since I have to work all day that's right out the window. Oh, and the fluorescent light in my room has all but gone out, so it's super dark and grim and sucky. So Thanksgiving will be spent in a dark little room by myself when I'm not busy working and avoiding human contact all day (because seriously, a holiday before a major sales event in retail? Just kill me now.). On the bright side, I get my paycheck tomorrow, which should be just enough to cover the cost of gas and groceries until my next paycheck. Maybe I'll splurge to buy myself a turkey hot pocket to celebrate. Oh wait, I guess I can play videogames and look at cat pictures online. Best Thanksgiving ever.
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So I'm at work as of right now. Sitting, as usual. And I've really wanted to get back into reading fiction. (I think I came to this conclusion cause I was having a huge moment of nostalgia last night. Seriously guys, I had no idea how many great memories I had playing Hotwheels, and Eyewitness Virtual Reality Museum tours. The dino one was the BEST! My childhood was beast man.) But see, the only thing that really makes me read a story is when I begin reading, but I still have in the back of my mind that there's something more than what meets the eye. (Or at least I hope for that.) A story where they latch you by the neck and pull you closer the more you read. And soon or later you realize what a mess you've gotten yourself into, and now you can't stop reading! Tolkien was pretty successful with that, though, the poetry parts made me yawn. (No, I will not get into an argument about the significance of Tom Bombadil.) Poetry's just not my thing. I am very much into science fiction/fantasy. So.... Could you recommend something for me? That would be awesome...
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As I watch those percentages go up, all that comes to mind is:
