Review: Hydranus' Log

[Makuta Luroka]

This is the review topic for Hydranus' Log. It is a long epic detailing the chronicle of Luroka's efforts to accomplish his mission, spanning over 100,000 years. This journal will (hopefully) be updated weekly on Tuesdays. All discussion of the epic belongs here.

Edited December 9, 2014 by Makuta Luroka

[Rahkshi Guurahk]

I like it so far. So how quickly will we go about the said >100000 years?

[Makuta Luroka]

Depends on how many entries are made.

[Makuta Luroka]

Entry two has been posted!

[Taka Nuvia]

Now this is cool. I like the atmosphere created by your way of wording things; it is somewhat timeless which makes sense both in the 'transcribed memories'- as well as the '100,000 years'-context. I'm curious to see whether it will change once the entries are no longer transcribed memories but Hydranus own.

 

The end of chapter two implies that you need a matoran for the 'birth' of a makuta?

[Makuta Luroka]

Now this is cool. I like the atmosphere created by your way of wording things; it is somewhat timeless which makes sense both in the 'transcribed memories'- as well as the '100,000 years'-context. I'm curious to see whether it will change once the entries are no longer transcribed memories but Hydranus own.

 

The end of chapter two implies that you need a matoran for the 'birth' of a makuta?

Wait and see...

[The Spectral Mask]

Here's the review I promised you, Luro.

 

Your style here is very terse and to-the-point. Luroka himself is fascinating in the pre-Brotherhood role you've cast him. He acts as an agent of destiny, yet he only has goals, no step-by-step instructions, which makes him a fascinating blend of omniscient deity and dogged errand boy. I'll give you the obligatory warning: no character should be without personal challenges, that is, they should make mistakes based on their own flaws, for a story about a character who never does anything wrong is hard to get invested in. Your world building and intrigue is compelling, though, and you clearly know how to tell a mystery, which could probably carry this whole story my itself.

 

As others have said, I'll be interested to see how, if at all, Hydanus' voice differs from Luroka's. I would encourage you to try to differentiate their respective perspectives, especially by adding more detail, although I also respect how much you leave to the reader's imagination. Needless you say, I'll be following you.

[Makuta Luroka]

Thanks, Don't worry. You'll see Luroka's flaws at some point. Remember that this is from Luroka's perspective as well.

 

I forgot yesterday was Tuesday. ENTRY THREE HAS BEEN POSTED.

Edited December 24, 2014 by Makuta Luroka

[Taka Nuvia]

things are getting interesting. I really think the voice of the character totally fits with the setting, it's all atmospherical and to the point.

[The Spectral Mask]

Ah, dimensional gates fold in on themselves and create the Zone of Darkness, I presume... an excellent origin story for one of the lore's most mysterious places. What is that crafty Makuta up to...

[fishers64]

I had trouble finding yonder review topic. Perhaps Mr. Luroka forgot to link me here from the story, or perhaps I was too engrossed in the story to find the link. 

 

It feels clear that you have uniquely mastered the Makuta voice. Of course he emerged from the antidermis pool first, of course the errands are somewhat of an insult but need to be done, and the selfishness of this creature is profoundly reflected in the overuse of the word I. He is very much an independent thinker, answering to no one, even fellow members of his own kind. Excellent. 

 

I got mildly mixed up in the order and quantity of errands on the first read - first a Matoran, then something else, then a Turaga with the same request he made to the Matoran? It probably had to do with the lack of names, but that is unavoidable due to the casual disregard a Makuta would have for the identities of his servants. 

[Makuta Luroka]

Just a short entry today, sorry. Today has been kinda hectic. I'll maybe post something later this week to make up for it.

[Makuta Luroka]

After about two months, Entry Thirteen was posted a few days ago.

Edited May 14, 2015 by Makuta Luroka

[Makuta Luroka]

Entry Twenty One is up!