TNTOS Posted December 22, 2011 Author Share Posted December 22, 2011 As promised, I have been closely following this epic since my initial review. Of course, another eight chapters of story have transpired since then, and your work continues to impress. I glanced above at your worry of events being spoiled, so I won't say anything that might ruin certain surprises. What I can say is that the latest worlds you have painted are so vivid, and full of life in their own ways. Imagery, landscapes, and sensory details are omnipresent, and that makes your worlds feel inches away.Moreover, the characters introduced in later chapters have that same spark of life, containing touches of your own creativity without betraying where their influence comes from. As for the characters that are your own, homegrown entities, their depth remains as real and strong as those from the official storyline. Over the course of a story, the audience begins to have an expectation of how the main characters interact with their surroundings, and that early dynamic I discussed has flourished - your first person perspective certainly paid off in this respect.If the first post remains correct, and Dimension Hoppers concludes at twenty chapters, then the end is certainly close. I'm curious to see how you'll wrap things up. Reviewers of this epic have made reference to your other stories, so whether this is a story that will tie up all the loose ends, or leave certain questions lingering overhead, there is a little doubt in my mind that it will be a satisfying finale. Once again, excellent writing, TNTOS.-CedThank you for the review, Ced . Really appreciate it.No, Dimension Hoppers will not conclude my stories. I am planning another epic that will conclude them, which will also answer some unanswered questions from DiH.But yes, I think DiH's ending will be satisfying. At least, I hope y'all like it. The ending is the part I've worried about the most, so I hope I did it well. Only way to know is when I post it, I guess.Again, thanks for the review. I really do appreciate it.-TNTOS- Quote "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore RooseveltA Writerly BlogThe Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14){The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hervanax Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 TNTOS i cant sign a contract without my layerbut i don't have onealso we all know by now if we ask you something you will just tell us it will be explained in the next/later chapter“So they kept that a secret from you, too?” asked the thief in amazement. “I never knew Klio and Kolora were so good at lying and deceiving like that. But what the Kra-Matoran Empire was is unimportant to the story. All I will tell you is that it was a bunch of evildoers seeking to conquer a universe to which they had no right, which my team and I defeated easily and righteously with help from the allies of Mata Nui. Any questions?”best way to end an explanation ever“Whenever you make a decision in a universe, multiple other dimensions pop into existence featuring what would have happened if you had made a different choice,"i wonder if you evade an univerce and made a decision would that univerce stilt of and make two of youalso would a universe be created where you didn't evade and make it impossible to collect every signal stonethat lock is a nice concept but there's alot of room for a devils advocate TNTOS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TNTOS Posted December 24, 2011 Author Share Posted December 24, 2011 TNTOS i cant sign a contract without my layerbut i don't have onealso we all know by now if we ask you something you will just tell us it will be explained in the next/later chapter“So they kept that a secret from you, too?” asked the thief in amazement. “I never knew Klio and Kolora were so good at lying and deceiving like that. But what the Kra-Matoran Empire was is unimportant to the story. All I will tell you is that it was a bunch of evildoers seeking to conquer a universe to which they had no right, which my team and I defeated easily and righteously with help from the allies of Mata Nui. Any questions?”best way to end an explanation ever“Whenever you make a decision in a universe, multiple other dimensions pop into existence featuring what would have happened if you had made a different choice,"i wonder if you evade an univerce and made a decision would that univerce stilt of and make two of youalso would a universe be created where you didn't evade and make it impossible to collect every signal stonethat lock is a nice concept but there's alot of room for a devils advocate TNTOS@first point: I do say that a lot, don't I?As for your last point, not sure I understand what you're saying, but I think I get where you're going. I'd say Dimension Hoppers's biggest flaw is the way the multiverse works. If you make a decision in one universe, multiple others will come into existence where you made a different choice or something else happened.So, theoretically speaking, if Isarot and Kiriah succeed in stopping the thief in this universe, another universe where they failed to stop him will come into existence. Sort of makes things seem less urgent and makes DiH as a whole feel less epic than it is.As good as this epic may be, I have not been able to think of anything that could fix that problem. I just try to ignore it, for after all there is nothing I could do about it expect maybe delete this story and pretend it never existed. But that would be dumb and backwards, so I am not going to do it.-TNTOS- Quote "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore RooseveltA Writerly BlogThe Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14){The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hervanax Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 well i am sure there is a demention where this makes sensenot to mention one where you did delete the story, did not wright it in the first place, had a compleatly different plot, and a demention where i attempted to create a complete list of alternet universes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TNTOS Posted December 25, 2011 Author Share Posted December 25, 2011 This alternate universe stuff hurts my head, not to mention is slightly off-topic. So I think we should stop, unless you have something else to say directly concerning the story itself.-TNTOS- Quote "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore RooseveltA Writerly BlogThe Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14){The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cederak Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 As a rule, I try not to reply in review topics unless I have something valid to bring up. On occasion though, validity comes in a small package. And by that I mean, I really, really did not expect your ending to Chapter 18. I just wanted you to be aware of that. Excellent writing as always, and with Dimension Hoppers having two chapters left (and your posting frequency of one chapter per week), expect a more in-depth review in mid-January. -Ced Quote Cederak's Library l Blog: Fair Enough Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hervanax Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 “I’m so sorry I broke your favorite toy,” I said. “I’ll try to be gentler next time you let me play with your stuff.”love this quoteI reached in my pack and pulled out the Mask of Healing.i always saw the masks as all being on at once but only one active at a timebut how you have it makes it more interestingsad ending but there was true sacrifice thereoff topic nice avatarnow i realy need to get mine to work Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TNTOS Posted December 31, 2011 Author Share Posted December 31, 2011 As a rule, I try not to reply in review topics unless I have something valid to bring up. On occasion though, validity comes in a small package. And by that I mean, I really, really did not expect your ending to Chapter 18. I just wanted you to be aware of that. Excellent writing as always, and with Dimension Hoppers having two chapters left (and your posting frequency of one chapter per week), expect a more in-depth review in mid-January. -CedGlad you didn't expect the ending. Those types of plot twists are ones I always try to keep secret so that when they do happen, they trigger a much more emotional reaction from the audience.“I’m so sorry I broke your favorite toy,” I said. “I’ll try to be gentler next time you let me play with your stuff.”love this quoteI reached in my pack and pulled out the Mask of Healing.i always saw the masks as all being on at once but only one active at a timebut how you have it makes it more interestingsad ending but there was true sacrifice thereoff topic nice avatarnow i realy need to get mine to workYeah, Kiriah's quote was pretty good. I've always thought Isarot got the best lines, but Kiriah occasionally gets one, too.@masks: I am pretty sure in the official story that Toa only have one mask on a time. If they want a new one, they either have to physically take off their current mask and replace it with the new one or else summon the new one from a Suva while sending their old one back in the new one's place. But as Kiriah did not have a Suva, she was forced to switch masks physically. Your idea is interesting, though.@avatar: Thanks. Not sure if you know, but profile pics and avatars are now the same, so if you want to change your avatar you have to change your profile pic instead.-TNTOS- Quote "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore RooseveltA Writerly BlogThe Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14){The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hervanax Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 first of all you were right about the masks (now the first bionicle book confuses me)hen we believe it is time for you to go home now,then! not female chickenthis chapter reminded me of my favorite wrighters (Bryan Davis) current booksespecially the part about the ally Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TNTOS Posted January 7, 2012 Author Share Posted January 7, 2012 first of all you were right about the masks (now the first bionicle book confuses me)hen we believe it is time for you to go home now,then! not female chickenthis chapter reminded me of my favorite wrighters (Bryan Davis) current booksespecially the part about the allyI figure each writer portrays how Toa handle multiple masks differently, so I am technically not "right" in the sense that my way is better than how another writer does it. I just thought did it the most dramatic and logical way possible, or at least what I thought dramatic and logical. That's all.Ah, I did not see that spelling error. I will definitely edit that. Thanks .Bryan Davis? I've never heard of him before. Any books of his you would recommend me to read?-TNTOS- Quote "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore RooseveltA Writerly BlogThe Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14){The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hervanax Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 well first i looked it up on the bionicle wiki and it said they can only have one maskbut in the first book i think kopaka questioned if his new mask covered his old masks powersas for the books i will message you because its off topic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scanty Demon Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 well first i looked it up on the bionicle wiki and it said they can only have one maskbut in the first book i think kopaka questioned if his new mask covered his old masks powersas for the books i will message you because its off topicYou have remember at that time the Toa Mata (olds whatever you want to call them) could change mask powers. I think that power was limited to them.I haven't caught up with the story lately life seems to have me in its choke hold. I'll see if I can review it sometime.Nice to see you got an avatar, no me and Ced are not the only ones who've posted here with avatars. Yay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TNTOS Posted January 7, 2012 Author Share Posted January 7, 2012 well first i looked it up on the bionicle wiki and it said they can only have one maskbut in the first book i think kopaka questioned if his new mask covered his old masks powersas for the books i will message you because its off topicYou have remember at that time the Toa Mata (olds whatever you want to call them) could change mask powers. I think that power was limited to them.I haven't caught up with the story lately life seems to have me in its choke hold. I'll see if I can review it sometime.Nice to see you got an avatar, no me and Ced are not the only ones who've posted here with avatars. Yay.I am a fairly sure any Toa can switch out masks over long distances, as long as they have a Suva to hold their masks they aren't using. Could be wrong, though.-TNTOS- Quote "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore RooseveltA Writerly BlogThe Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14){The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hervanax Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 i dont no what to say about thisbut i dont like the turaga now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TNTOS Posted January 13, 2012 Author Share Posted January 13, 2012 i dont no what to say about thisbut i dont like the turaga now*Shrug* The agreement they came to wasn't perfect, which is the point. Or were you talking about the fact that they deceived everyone for 100,000 years?Either way, Klio and Kolora aren't perfect and definitely made some mistakes.-TNTOS- Quote "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore RooseveltA Writerly BlogThe Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14){The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cederak Posted January 22, 2012 Share Posted January 22, 2012 I've been putting this review off for just over a week now, but I didn't want to churn out a partial response or something that felt underwhelming - as this was an epic that deserves neither. As usual, I will attempt to refrain from ruining any plot points when I can.Chapters 19 and 20 are a bittersweet affair. I was hoping beyond hope for your Almighty Ones to pull a deus ex machina, but there was no such luck. Dimension Hoppers gave me two final messages to think about. The first was this: we perish in victory if it's in the line of duty. The second was this: Do not abandon your conviction. From that, your ending explains that there is a price to fulfilling our responsibilities—our destiny—and that we sometimes have to look beyond what we want and accept what we have.Additionally, you bring up the notion of peace, and how tenuous it can be. I am reminded of the infamous line, "You can't handle the truth!" and how it has a literal translation to the finale of your story. This world needs a peaceful resolution to what has transpired, regardless of the truth that will be buried beneath it. After what was risked, and what was lost, I can understand feeling deprived by having the truth hidden away. Much like the ending to the graphic novel, Watchmen, peace built on a lie is still peace. It worked for over 100 eons in your universe, and so I am convinced it will work again.Despite the title of the Almighty Ones, it is clear that they are not All-Powerful Ones, and that they are still learning to comprehend life and interacting with it. Theirs is a tale that outlines the danger of hubris and the harm it can bring. They have a voice of regret, shame, insecurity, and most importantly, desire. They long for the power to undo their mistakes, while the conclusion of Dimension Hoppers seems to say that we have to go on with our lives. We should remember the past, but not remain fixated on it, and in turn, allow it to control us.In the final lines, we are left with an ambiguous answer to what the future will bring. There is still a lingering obligation to one's duty, but there is a hint that this task will be left behind at some eventual point…or not. We aren't told, and I think there's meaning to that. It doesn't matter. Rather, it pales in comparison to what is really important: the present. The past is gone, the future is always on the way, and we need to focus on the here and now - because that's where we live. Not in a palace, not out at sea, not dimension hopping, but we live at home, doing what we are required to do.Perhaps I dove too deep in my examination of your epic, but I'd like to think my assumptions and associations came close to what you wanted to offer your readers. It was a wonderful story, TNTOS, and well-worth the time I spent following it.-Ced Quote Cederak's Library l Blog: Fair Enough Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TNTOS Posted January 23, 2012 Author Share Posted January 23, 2012 I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head, Ced. Glad you enjoyed it so much . Although I would like to address a few points:Despite the title of the Almighty Ones, it is clear that they are not All-Powerful Ones, and that they are still learning to comprehend life and interacting with it. Theirs is a tale that outlines the danger of hubris and the harm it can bring. They have a voice of regret, shame, insecurity, and most importantly, desire. They long for the power to undo their mistakes, while the conclusion of Dimension Hoppers seems to say that we have to go on with our lives. We should remember the past, but not remain fixated on it, and in turn, allow it to control us.That is pretty much it. I loved writing the Almighty Ones, for even though they're so powerful they're still so helpless, in a way. I just thought it would be neat to write god-like characters who have no confidence in themselves (and for a farly good reason, too).In the final lines, we are left with an ambiguous answer to what the future will bring. There is still a lingering obligation to one's duty, but there is a hint that this task will be left behind at some eventual point…or not. We aren't told, and I think there's meaning to that. It doesn't matter. Rather, it pales in comparison to what is really important: the present. The past is gone, the future is always on the way, and we need to focus on the here and now - because that's where we live. Not in a palace, not out at sea, not dimension hopping, but we live at home, doing what we are required to do.Well, this isn't the last we've seen of Kiriah or the Almighty Ones, if that's what you meant. Both will appear in an epic I am currently planning, Dawn of the New Century, although you put it so eloquently that I almost hesitate to do so. Still, I have plans for them and I will go ahead with those plans anyway, although I think I will keep DiH's ending in mind to as to not somehow mess it up, heh.Thanks for the in-depth review, Ced. It's a real honor to have my work analyzed like that, like a college literature class studying one of the great classics such as Shakespeare or Homer. Really appreciate it .-TNTOS- Quote "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore RooseveltA Writerly BlogThe Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14){The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In Between the Shadows Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 OMG! I cried!Anyway, I'm kinda new but I love your short stories and Epics. I would love it if you kept on writing! 1 Quote ~Just call me Shadow_Ignited~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TNTOS Posted August 7, 2014 Author Share Posted August 7, 2014 OMG! I cried! Anyway, I'm kinda new but I love your short stories and Epics. I would love it if you kept on writing! Thanks . Glad you like my works. Always great to see a new reader. As for writing, it's my dream to be a professional, full-time fiction writer. While I've had a great time writing fanfiction, I've decided to stop writing it to focus more on my original fiction, which is what will help build my career. I mean, I might write more fanfics at some point (most likely flash fiction or short stories), but probably not for the foreseeable future. Now I don't know which of my works you've read (aside from Dimension Hoppers), but if you want to read more of my stuff, you can find links to most of it in my library (click the red link in my sig). While I may not be writing fanfiction anymore, I have a large backlist (50+ epics, short stories, and comedies), so maybe that will satisfy your craving for more of my work. Again, thanks for the comment. I was feeling really crummy this morning and reading your comment just made my day. -TNTOS- Quote "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore RooseveltA Writerly BlogThe Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14){The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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