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Choose Your Own Bionicle Adventure!

choose your own adventure comedy

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16 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Kung Fu Pyro

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Posted Jul 11 2013 - 04:04 PM

Okay, so the rules of this topic are simple. I post a short (still over 300 words) segment to begin, and give you (the readers) a few choices to pick from at the end of it. The first person to post has their choice selected, and the story continues in that direction. Unless you make a choice that kills you, in which case please refrain from swearing at the screen in anger. I will post a custom death message, and give you the previous choices that you didn't pick. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. Allons-y!

___________________________________________

 

A beach. You are standing on a beach of sand. Sand irritates you for some reason. Something about bathing suits.

 

As you gaze out over the ocean, you see waves breaking over a coral reef. Beyond that, there's...nothing but water, really. You stare at it. Like, a lot.

 

Stop staring.

 

Seriously, stop.

 

Oh for the love of-I already told you, there's nothing out there! Turn around!

 

Thank you.

 

Where am I? you wonder ponderingly, your mind full of hazy memories and week-old fish tacos. WHO am I?

 

...Tunabreath...

 

Tunabreath? Was that your name? It seemed to fit, to make sense somehow. Like peanut butter, blended with chocolate. Of course, there really wasn't much ELSE that seems to make sense, so we haven't really gotten anywhere.

 

You shake your head in frustration, as for some reason whipping your imaginary hair back and forth seemed to calm you down. How did you get here? Why couldn't you remember anything? Why do you always miss Taco Tuesday? Why?! WHY?!

 

You glance towards the polished canister that brought you here, and notice several red components lying in the *shudder* sand. Upon closer inspection, you realize that you are looking at two flame-shaped sword pieces and a mask.

 

You pick up the oddly marketable sword pieces and piece them together. Upon swinging the completed sword around, you realize that it's way too clunky. Not to mention it's a weird idea. Who would ever want something that you have to assemble before using? That's just silly.

 

You then take a look at the mask. It looks odd, as if it had been slashed open three times in the cheek areas, with an odd sort of vent thing above the eyes. You decide to put it on and-HOLY CURIOUSLY AMBIGUOUS DEITY, THAT'S A LOT OF ENERGY! You could run a marathon in sweat pants with this thing on!

 

Curious, you pick up the sword again. Far from feeling clunky, it feels lighter than air, and fits perfectly in your grasp, almost as if the sword was a set piece perfectly designed to slide into a matching socket on your hand!

 

As you recklessly swing the sword around, accidentally decapitating multiple birds, you observe sparks coming out of the sword. As soon as you stop focusing on the sword, the sparks seem to stop. Intent on figuring this out, you put full concentration into the blade, and a stream of fire shoots out of it, setting alight the jungle next to the beach which I previously failed to mention because continuity.

 

Do you:

A: Call for help?

B: Attempt to fight fire with fire?

C: Do nothing because nature killed your family?

D: Go out for Ice Cream?

 

Once an answer is posted in the comments section below, I will continue the story according to what was chosen.

 

(Also, for those of you who couldn't tell, this post is a parody of the first chapter of Bionicle Chronicles #1: Tale of the Toa.)


Edited by Kung Fu Rahkshi Destroyer, Jul 15 2013 - 08:05 PM.

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#2 Offline Toa K

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Posted Jul 11 2013 - 09:12 PM

I Scream for Ice Cream!


Edited by ToaKapura1234, Jul 11 2013 - 09:13 PM.

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Me playing MNOG: Aw poor Taipu. First he has to do double work then he's kidnapped. And poor Maku. She gets quarantined for saving her village.

Me playing MNOG II: CURSE YOU TAIPU! DIE DIE DIE! GRR, STOP SCORING! MACKU, YOU CAN'T BLOCK ANYTHING! YOU'RE FIRED!

The Legend of the Bionicle...Toys. My comedy. Give it a read. It's only $9.99(free if you give a USEFUL comment) and it has free ice cream. End shameless advertising.
(Ice cream does not apply if you live in North America, South America, Asia, Europe, Africa, Australia, or Antartica)

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#3 Offline fishers64

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Posted Jul 11 2013 - 09:19 PM

Choice D. Ice Cream should help extinguish that sword.Also, nice parody. No complaints yet.

Edited by fishers64, Jul 11 2013 - 09:20 PM.

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#4 Offline Toa K

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Posted Jul 11 2013 - 09:59 PM

Ooh, maybe a brain freeze will change your powers to ice and let you put out the fire. Logic.


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Me playing MNOG: Aw poor Taipu. First he has to do double work then he's kidnapped. And poor Maku. She gets quarantined for saving her village.

Me playing MNOG II: CURSE YOU TAIPU! DIE DIE DIE! GRR, STOP SCORING! MACKU, YOU CAN'T BLOCK ANYTHING! YOU'RE FIRED!

The Legend of the Bionicle...Toys. My comedy. Give it a read. It's only $9.99(free if you give a USEFUL comment) and it has free ice cream. End shameless advertising.
(Ice cream does not apply if you live in North America, South America, Asia, Europe, Africa, Australia, or Antartica)

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#5 Offline Kopekemaster

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Posted Jul 12 2013 - 06:55 AM

D. Go for ice cream.

 

Frankly, I'm surprised no one has made one of these yet.


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#6 Offline Kung Fu Pyro

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Posted Jul 12 2013 - 03:12 PM

Yeah, to be honest, I was surprised when I found out that this was an original idea. I never have those!

______________________________________________________

 

You have selected Option D: Go out for ice cream.

 

Initiating story sequence.

---------------------------------------------------------

 

As you arrive at Dairy Nui, you start to wonder if the forest fire will put itself out, or become a giant blazing inferno of destruction that kills everything it's path.

 

Eh, You think, it'll be fine.

 

As you get to the counter, you order a refreshing Large Mint Waffle ConeTM. As it turns out, they have a ready supply of the stuff, so you pay, grab the ice cream and walk back out to the beach. The forest fire has grown considerably, but you're still not worried. After all, when has fire ever hurt anyone?

 

Posted Image

 

THAT WAS ONE TIME.

 

As you sit on a large, very conveniently shaped and placed rock, you finally start to think that eating the ice cream before it melts might be a good idea. You take a bite, and...

 

This isn't Mint.

 

It's not even Pistachio!

 

If they mixed up your order, they could have at least given you Pistachio!

 

You didn't even know what this stuff was! It tasted like a mix of gunpowder and syrup!

 

Enraged by this, and wondering why you know what gunpowder tastes like, you hurl the ice cream into the fire with extreme prejudice.

 

This causes a giant explosion that freezes the fire into ice sculptures, similar in shape to the Mona Lisa. At first, this puzzles you, until you remember that the new flavor of the month at Dairy Nui was Grenade flavor.

 

Posted Image

 

Deciding that it's too dang far to walk all the way back to Dairy Nui for a refund, you instead walk into the forest hoping to find some sort of settlement of some kind. Perhaps meet a wise old person that will tell you what your quest is. Granted, we're never going to show YOU doing this, as we're going to instead follow the other Toa doing that and just have the reader assume you did the same things.

 

 

 

Wait, what?

 

Okay, the author says that from now on, this will be a parody of the Bionicle storyline in general, so we DON'T have to keep switching our focuses every 5 minutes. Seems like the easy way out, but whatever.

 

So, as you continue into the forest, your stomach starts to grumble. Wondering if a bio-mechanical lifeform's stomach should be able to grumble, you look around to see if you can spot anything edible. You see a few different things, but aren't sure what the best choice is.

 

Do you eat:

A: The Narrator?

B: Those leaves?

C: Those berries?

D: That pink fluffy thing that looks a lot like cotton candy?

 

Wait, why is The Narrator an option?! HELP!

 

(Yeah, yeah, making it a general parody isn't very focused, I know. Of course, it DOES happen to give me a lot more material to work with, so there's that.)


Edited by Kung Fu Rahkshi Destroyer, Jul 12 2013 - 03:17 PM.

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#7 Offline Flux: The Explorer

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Posted Jul 12 2013 - 03:42 PM

I think I'll go for... A. I really want to see what happens if the narrator is consumed :P.
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#8 Offline Toa K

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Posted Jul 12 2013 - 05:57 PM

The narrator would be icky. I vote leaves.


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Me playing MNOG: Aw poor Taipu. First he has to do double work then he's kidnapped. And poor Maku. She gets quarantined for saving her village.

Me playing MNOG II: CURSE YOU TAIPU! DIE DIE DIE! GRR, STOP SCORING! MACKU, YOU CAN'T BLOCK ANYTHING! YOU'RE FIRED!

The Legend of the Bionicle...Toys. My comedy. Give it a read. It's only $9.99(free if you give a USEFUL comment) and it has free ice cream. End shameless advertising.
(Ice cream does not apply if you live in North America, South America, Asia, Europe, Africa, Australia, or Antartica)

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#9 Offline Kung Fu Pyro

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Posted Jul 15 2013 - 05:51 PM

You have selected Option A: Eat the Narrator.

 

Initiating story seque-

 

Stop!

 

Hammer Time!

 

BWAHAHAHAHA! My pop cultural references are more powerful than most anything! Of course, if you REALLY want to know what happens, then I suppose I can narrate it.

____________________________________________

 

Starving, you decide the best option is to eat the narrator, mainly because you have a fair amount of brain damage from being stuck in that pod for so long. You then get the irresistible urge to slap yourself, and proceed to do so repeatedly. Why are you slapping yourself, you may ask?

 

Simple.

 

The narrator controls the story.

 

If I actually LET you eat me, this story would cease to exist. That just can't happen, now can it?

 

Next time you try something like that, I'm going to kick your shiny metal This word has been censored by the Censorship Department of Censorshipping Censoring Censorship. Of America.

 

NOOOOOO! Political Correctness! The only thing stronger than pop cultural references!

 

Okay, enough of this madness!

 

Who are you?!

 

I'm the secondary narrator. I am ejecting you from your position so that the story may continue!

 

You can't do that!

 

Oh, yes I can!

 

But why?!

 

This story is becoming incredibly sidetracked! It's not even funny, just incredibly unnecessary!

 

You mean like Cars 2?

 

EXACTLY like Cars 2! Now, begone foul creature! Ultra Mega Special Narrator Beam!

 

NONONONONONONONONOFUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu*ding*

 

Well, that was a giant load of stupidity. Back to the story. New option selected!

__________________________________________

 

You have selected Option B: Those Leaves

 

Initiating story sequence.

__________________________________________

 

You decide to eat those leaves on that tree over there. They sort of remind you of tea leaves, but like giant and palm-shaped. Actually, you're pretty sure that they are palm tree leaves. You decide to eat them anyways.

 

As you chew, your left leg starts to go numb. You ignore it, thinking that it must be all that ice cream you ate. Then as you swallow, your right leg goes numb. And your right arm. And your left. And your lungs.

 

Wait a second! You never actually ate your ice cream!

 

Wait a second! Your lungs?! You need those!

 

You fall over, and the leaf you're eating lands on your face. You manage to see that the bottom of the leaf says 'Poisonous Fake Palm Tree. Made in China.'

 

Well, Mana Pellets.

 

Bad End: Leaf Me Alone!

 

Do you eat:

C: Those berries?

D: That pink fluffy thing that looks a lot like cotton candy?


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#10 Offline Rahkshi Guurahk

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Posted Jul 15 2013 - 07:24 PM

C. and you misspelled Allons-y in the first post. :P only D survives, am I right?


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#11 Offline Dapper-San

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Posted Jul 15 2013 - 11:18 PM

C: The Berries.

 

You totes ripped off the multiple-narrators thing from me, right? Riiiiiiiiiiiight?


Edited by Lieutenant Obvious, Jul 15 2013 - 11:19 PM.

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#12 Offline fishers64

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Posted Jul 16 2013 - 12:37 PM

The berries. 


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#13 Offline Toa K

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Posted Jul 16 2013 - 02:14 PM

The poisonous cotton candy looking stuff.


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Me playing MNOG: Aw poor Taipu. First he has to do double work then he's kidnapped. And poor Maku. She gets quarantined for saving her village.

Me playing MNOG II: CURSE YOU TAIPU! DIE DIE DIE! GRR, STOP SCORING! MACKU, YOU CAN'T BLOCK ANYTHING! YOU'RE FIRED!

The Legend of the Bionicle...Toys. My comedy. Give it a read. It's only $9.99(free if you give a USEFUL comment) and it has free ice cream. End shameless advertising.
(Ice cream does not apply if you live in North America, South America, Asia, Europe, Africa, Australia, or Antartica)

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#14 Offline BlueFire

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Posted Jul 16 2013 - 02:36 PM

C the berries
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#15 Offline Radagast367

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Posted Jul 17 2013 - 01:02 AM

D, the Cotton Candy! Wait, I dont even LIKE cotton candy...


Edited by Radagast367, Jul 17 2013 - 01:03 AM.

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#16 Offline tapp

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Posted Jul 27 2013 - 08:08 PM

C, duh berries only hurt someone that one time


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#17 Offline Dapper-San

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Posted Jul 31 2013 - 12:11 PM

C, duh berries only hurt someone that one time

Yeah, that a LONG while ago....

 

I can't believe anyone else even remembers that.


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