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ITT: Hoodie Saves BZKoro

Titans and Monsters

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15 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Rarity

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Posted Aug 09 2013 - 10:58 PM

[color=#006400;]>Be on the bad side of BZ-Koro[/color]

[color=#006400;]>Innocent bystander in a bar[/color]

[color=#006400;]>Wall breaks[/color]

[color=#006400;]>It's a giant Silver plated ape looking monster[/color]

[color=#006400;]>Everyone screams as monster glares at us with it's red eyes[/color]

[color=#006400;]>"Oh no! Where is our protector?"[/color]

[color=#006400;]>Silently pray for Hoodie to come[/color]

[color=#006400;]>He appears[/color]

[color=#006400;]>Ohyesohyes[/color]

[color=#006400;]>Admire his all black armor and signature hoodie covering his Kanohi[/color]

[color=#006400;]>"Are you ready to throw down, son?"[/color]

[color=#006400;]>I know I'm ready[/color]

[color=#006400;]>Watch as they start to fist fight[/color]

[color=#006400;]>Silver plated ape is on top of Hoodie as they roll across the bar counter[/color]

[color=#006400;]>Other bystanders say he'll lose[/color]

[color=#006400;]>Tell them to watch the Hoodie win[/color]

[color=#006400;]>Both fighters fall behind the counter[/color]

[color=#006400;]>Ohnoohno[/color]

[color=#006400;]>Hear Hoodie moan in pain[/color]

[color=#006400;]>I don't feel the fear clench at my heart because I have faith[/color]

[color=#006400;]>Suddenly Hoodie stands up from behind the counter[/color]

[color=#006400;]>"See, I told you guys!"[/color]

[color=#006400;]>Hoodie sits on counter[/color]

[color=#006400;]>Lays down and smokes a cigarette[/color]

[color=#006400;]>Feelsgoodman.jpg[/color]

[color=#006400;]>Hear him silently say "Hoodie is always on top"[/color]

 


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#2 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Aug 10 2013 - 02:38 AM

Best thing I've ever read.

 

-MT


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XPufEB3.png?1


#3 Offline Starparu

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Posted Aug 10 2013 - 02:39 AM

Amazing. Pure gold right there.

 

-Star


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The Lazy Life of a comic maker
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#4 Offline Mesonak

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Posted Aug 10 2013 - 01:40 PM

I, however, did feel the fear clench at my heart because I didn't trust Hoodie. It was a foolish mistake.

 

This has to win.

 

-Mesonak


Edited by Mesonak, Aug 10 2013 - 01:40 PM.

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#5 Offline Sinclair

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Posted Aug 10 2013 - 02:28 PM

what is this i don't even
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hopelessly drifting, bathing in beautiful agony


#6 Offline Hahli Husky

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Posted Aug 10 2013 - 04:02 PM

This seems humorous enough to do better in Comedies.

 

Mooooved


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his-whole-body_zps661d3034.jpg

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#7 Offline Rarity

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Posted Aug 10 2013 - 05:43 PM

This seems humorous enough to do better in Comedies.

 

Mooooved

I'm still entered in the contest though, right?


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#8 Offline Hahli Husky

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Posted Aug 10 2013 - 07:59 PM

 

This seems humorous enough to do better in Comedies.

 

Mooooved

I'm still entered in the contest though, right?

 

Yeah definitely. :)


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his-whole-body_zps661d3034.jpg

thanks photobucket i ♥ my new sig


#9 Offline 25K When?

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Posted Aug 14 2013 - 05:31 AM

[color=rgb(0,100,0);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]>Be a perfectly normal CCC Reviewer[/color]

[color=rgb(0,100,0);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]>See this comedy[/color]

[color=rgb(0,100,0);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]>"CURSE YOU SHAD!"[/color]

[color=rgb(0,100,0);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]>Remembers that it must be reviewed[/color]

[color=rgb(0,100,0);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]>Blames a certain imageboard for this madness[/color]

[color=rgb(0,100,0);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]>"Now you've got me doing it."[/color]

 

RIGHT THEN! I'll do a quick review of your rather ... unconventional comedy. There's not exactly much for me to actually review, but I'll do my best. And try to give you the worst score I can get away with because ... ah screw it I can't be bothered quoting Ryouga.

 

Let's get this show on the road.

 

[color=rgb(0,100,0);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]>It's a giant Silver plated ape looking monster[/color]

"It's a giant silver-plated, ape-like monster". You don't need to capitalise the "silver", and you need some hyphens and commas there.

 

[color=rgb(0,100,0);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]>Admire his all black armor and signature hoodie covering his Kanohi[/color]

"Admire his all-black armour and signature hoodie that covers his Kanohi".

 

[color=rgb(0,100,0);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]>Watch as they start to fist fight[/color]

"Watch as they start to fist-fight". Although, the phrase "fist-fight" in this instance seems a bit awkward. Try an alternative? Like "brawl"?

 

[color=rgb(0,100,0);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]>Silver plated ape is on top of Hoodie as they roll across the bar counter[/color]

"Silver-plated ape".

 

[color=rgb(0,100,0);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]>Lays down and smokes a cigarette[/color]

"Lies down and smokes a cigarette".

 

Grammar is decent, so I'll have to give it a 70%.

 

My god, man. What have you been doing to create such a thing?

 

I can't even review it properly! It's ... too vague and narrow and what am I even reading?

 

I don't know if I want to laugh or cry.

 

I don't know if this an actual story or a joke.

 

I do know that you actually have a proper plot, with a proper introduction, conflict, and resolution.

 

Simple and straightforward, but it works. Ape comes in, bringing along trouble. Hoodie comes in, throws down with ape. Outcome is uncertain. Hoodie triumphs over the odds.

 

Then he gets lung cancer, making this heroic epic have a tragic ending. I love the depth of that addition, by the way. It just punches you in the gut man.

 

I'll have to give it 50% though; we don't see enough development of the plot.

 

And the humour ... I have no idea what is going on, nor if it's actually funny or not. So I'll give it a 30%.

 

So have a overall grade of 50% because there is no way I can actually grade you positively or negatively.

 

...

 

Next time you submit something like this to be reviewed, do it when iBrow isn't off vacation-ing.


Edited by Content with Life, Aug 14 2013 - 05:32 AM.

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#10 Offline Lime Paradox

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Posted Aug 14 2013 - 04:53 PM

[color=#4b0082;][font="'trebuchet ms', helvetica, sans-serif;"]"the first greentext story on BZP" ...Why though[/color][/font]


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RksnKgM.jpg


#11 Offline Rarity

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Posted Aug 14 2013 - 05:35 PM

[color=rgb(0,100,0);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]>Be a perfectly normal CCC Reviewer[/color]

[color=rgb(0,100,0);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]>See this comedy[/color]

[color=rgb(0,100,0);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]>"CURSE YOU SHAD!"[/color]

[color=rgb(0,100,0);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]>Remembers that it must be reviewed[/color]

[color=rgb(0,100,0);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]>Blames a certain imageboard for this madness[/color]

[color=rgb(0,100,0);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]>"Now you've got me doing it."[/color]

 

RIGHT THEN! I'll do a quick review of your rather ... unconventional comedy. There's not exactly much for me to actually review, but I'll do my best. And try to give you the worst score I can get away with because ... ah screw it I can't be bothered quoting Ryouga.

 

Let's get this show on the road.

 

[color=rgb(0,100,0);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]>It's a giant Silver plated ape looking monster[/color]

"It's a giant silver-plated, ape-like monster". You don't need to capitalise the "silver", and you need some hyphens and commas there.

 

[color=rgb(0,100,0);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]>Admire his all black armor and signature hoodie covering his Kanohi[/color]

"Admire his all-black armour and signature hoodie that covers his Kanohi".

 

[color=rgb(0,100,0);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]>Watch as they start to fist fight[/color]

"Watch as they start to fist-fight". Although, the phrase "fist-fight" in this instance seems a bit awkward. Try an alternative? Like "brawl"?

 

[color=rgb(0,100,0);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]>Silver plated ape is on top of Hoodie as they roll across the bar counter[/color]

"Silver-plated ape".

 

[color=rgb(0,100,0);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]>Lays down and smokes a cigarette[/color]

"Lies down and smokes a cigarette".

 

Grammar is decent, so I'll have to give it a 70%.

 

My god, man. What have you been doing to create such a thing?

 

I can't even review it properly! It's ... too vague and narrow and what am I even reading?

 

I don't know if I want to laugh or cry.

 

I don't know if this an actual story or a joke.

 

I do know that you actually have a proper plot, with a proper introduction, conflict, and resolution.

 

Simple and straightforward, but it works. Ape comes in, bringing along trouble. Hoodie comes in, throws down with ape. Outcome is uncertain. Hoodie triumphs over the odds.

 

Then he gets lung cancer, making this heroic epic have a tragic ending. I love the depth of that addition, by the way. It just punches you in the gut man.

 

I'll have to give it 50% though; we don't see enough development of the plot.

 

And the humour ... I have no idea what is going on, nor if it's actually funny or not. So I'll give it a 30%.

 

So have a overall grade of 50% because there is no way I can actually grade you positively or negatively.

 

...

 

Next time you submit something like this to be reviewed, do it when iBrow isn't off vacation-ing.

I hue'd.

 

[color=#4b0082;][font="'trebuchet ms', helvetica, sans-serif;"]"the first greentext story on BZP" ...Why though[/color][/font]

Why not?

 

I actually plan on making a few more of these stories.


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#12 Offline 25K When?

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Posted Aug 14 2013 - 10:15 PM

Shad.

 

Don't do it.

 

Please.


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#13 Offline The Most Powerful

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Posted Aug 15 2013 - 12:08 AM

I agree with the above.

 

~{QQQQ}


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#14 Offline fishers64

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Posted Aug 15 2013 - 05:46 PM

Okay. What is greentext?

 

Agreed with Hubert for the most part. This one's simple, and the lack of comprehension of it...it was too simple, and I didn't get what you were getting at. Therefore, I didn't laugh much.


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#15 Offline 25K When?

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Posted Aug 16 2013 - 12:44 AM

Okay. What is greentext?

Usenet stuff. More commonly used on imageboards these days.


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#16 Offline Black Six

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Posted Aug 16 2013 - 08:41 PM

Banned member's story closed.
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