Hello, Zorkaz! And welcome to the Library forum. First of all, everything looks okay except for the suggestion of people posting short stories, concept art, and MOCs in this topic; as they all belong in their own forums . Onto the review.
The first thing I notice is that it could be spaced a little better, with the occasional blank line or indented paragraph, so it's not all a huge blob of text, and also it would make it easier to read. I also noticed that in some places, namely the dialog, that it could be punctuated a little better. An example: “I'd suggest you shut your, mouth Tuyet, unless you want me to do it for you!” (I added the bolded commas.)
'The Great Being' is not actually given a name, so I assume it's either unknown or it's being kept anonymous for some reason (which would be cool)?
I like the way you right away started with three different "parts", each written with different characters and different perspectives. I assume they're going to "find" each other and interact soon?
Overall, it's pretty well written, and I'm looking forward to the next part.