Hello, Zorkaz! And welcome to the Library forum. First of all, everything looks okay except for the suggestion of people posting short stories, concept art, and MOCs in this topic; as they all belong in their own forums . Onto the review.
The first thing I notice is that it could be spaced a little better, with the occasional blank line or indented paragraph, so it's not all a huge blob of text, and also it would make it easier to read. I also noticed that in some places, namely the dialog, that it could be punctuated a little better. An example: “I'd suggest you shut your, mouth Tuyet, unless you want me to do it for you!” (I added the bolded commas.)
'The Great Being' is not actually given a name, so I assume it's either unknown or it's being kept anonymous for some reason (which would be cool)?
I like the way you right away started with three different "parts", each written with different characters and different perspectives. I assume they're going to "find" each other and interact soon?
Overall, it's pretty well written, and I'm looking forward to the next part.
Hey everyone come play this Ninjago game right here in G&T- LINK