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~Bionicle~ the Legend Continues: Review Topic

bionicle review community contribute

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10 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Zorkaz

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Posted Jun 06 2014 - 02:33 AM

~Bionicle~ the Legend Continues: Review Topic

 

Hello people! This is a Review Topic for the ever-growing topic Bionicle: The legend Continues . This is basically where you comment on that topic, and hopefully contribute for future installments! I will do my best to try and integrate it one way or another into the main story. If you want to post your media that's not to do with this though, do it in the right place. All comments are welcome (unless troll posts of course, and very unpleasant ones, or off topic, or ... just read the forum rules), and I will try and be active on replying!


Edited by Zorkaz, Jun 06 2014 - 03:45 PM.

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#2 Offline Underscore

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Posted Jun 06 2014 - 10:11 AM

Hello, Zorkaz! And welcome to the Library forum. First of all, everything looks okay except for the suggestion of people posting short stories, concept art, and MOCs in this topic; as they all belong in their own forums ;) . Onto the review.

 

The first thing I notice is that it could be spaced a little better, with the occasional blank line or indented paragraph, so it's not all a huge blob of text, and also it would make it easier to read. I also noticed that in some places, namely the dialog, that it could be punctuated a little better. An example: “I'd suggest you shut your, mouth Tuyet, unless you want me to do it for you!” (I added the bolded commas.)

'The Great Being' is not actually given a name, so I assume it's either unknown or it's being kept anonymous for some reason (which would be cool)?

I like the way you right away started with three different "parts", each written with different characters and different perspectives. I assume they're going to "find" each other and interact soon?

 

Overall, it's pretty well written, and I'm looking forward to the next part.


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#3 Offline Zorkaz

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Posted Jun 06 2014 - 10:24 AM

Hello, Zorkaz! And welcome to the Library forum. First of all, everything looks okay except for the suggestion of people posting short stories, concept art, and MOCs in this topic; as they all belong in their own forums ;) . Onto the review.

 

The first thing I notice is that it could be spaced a little better, with the occasional blank line or indented paragraph, so it's not all a huge blob of text, and also it would make it easier to read. I also noticed that in some places, namely the dialog, that it could be punctuated a little better. An example: “I'd suggest you shut your, mouth Tuyet, unless you want me to do it for you!” (I added the bolded commas.)

'The Great Being' is not actually given a name, so I assume it's either unknown or it's being kept anonymous for some reason (which would be cool)?

I like the way you right away started with three different "parts", each written with different characters and different perspectives. I assume they're going to "find" each other and interact soon?

 

Overall, it's pretty well written, and I'm looking forward to the next part.

Thanks for the advice Mairanui! I'll deal with the spacing as soon as possible. I did do a read through and have been planning to deal with the punctuation, but most of are just typos, or I was about to right something different after for exemple a comma, and I decided not to and say something else which didn't need a comma, but I forgot to rub it out! Is this making any sense? Anyway, I'll post more this evening. And again, thanks for the advice! ;P


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#4 Offline -Windrider-

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Posted Jun 06 2014 - 02:20 PM

Just to clarify - I kinda like the idea of members' posting creations based on your story, but Mairanui is right; you should encourage people to post the works in the appropriate forums. That said, I believe it's okay for people then to post in this topic and link to their creations.

 

Good luck!


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#5 Offline Zorkaz

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Posted Jun 06 2014 - 03:43 PM

Just to clarify - I kinda like the idea of members' posting creations based on your story, but Mairanui is right; you should encourage people to post the works in the appropriate forums. That said, I believe it's okay for people then to post in this topic and link to their creations.

 

Good luck!

Yeah, I think you guys are right. I'll edit the main post now ...


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#6 Offline Zorkaz

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Posted Jun 07 2014 - 07:44 AM

I am however always updating, so don't hesitate to check if there's anything new anytime. I am writing something else at the moment but there will be constant updates ...


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#7 Offline Aho

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Posted Jun 07 2014 - 08:11 AM

Nice work! I might have to build a moc for this :P
The story reminds me a lot of the serials in format and such, which in my opinion makes it a more believable continuation. Keep it up!

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#8 Offline Zorkaz

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Posted Jun 07 2014 - 10:43 AM

Nice work! I might have to build a moc for this :P
The story reminds me a lot of the serials in format and such, which in my opinion makes it a more believable continuation. Keep it up!

Thanks! I'd really like that! Remember though that it's better to actually create your own topic for that and just post a picture here, but you can do it how you want! Also, I was planning for Orde to wear a blue Kanohi Ruru, Zaria a Mask of Biomechanics as mentionned (here on the wiki here: http://bionicle.wiki...of_Biomechanics, but use whatever you want), and Chiara a Mask of Inertion (credit to that mask here: http://notepad.cc/kanohi )!


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#9 Offline Akavakaku

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Posted Jun 08 2014 - 12:44 PM

Perhaps you could write your updates in new posts, instead of editing the first one? It makes it easier to see when you update.
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#10 Offline Zorkaz

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Posted Jun 08 2014 - 02:10 PM

Perhaps you could write your updates in new posts, instead of editing the first one? It makes it easier to see when you update.

I'll do that, but I plan to do it by bit, you know like until I change where we are on Spherus Magna (or soon in fact the Red Star) ...


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#11 Offline Zorkaz

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Posted Jul 17 2014 - 08:48 AM

Sorry about the long wait. Was writing something else. I'll get back to it now!


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