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[Erasmus Graves]

A flicker of movement caught his eye from below - two cops (plainclothes) packing shotguns coming through the front door. Kenny expanded his edges and took the stairs two at a time, the only sound a soft crackling as he moved. He reached the rooftop, paused, and looked through the skylight.

Cops moving down the corridor, not quite under the 'light yet.

Kenny pulled a .45 from underneath his label and let rip.

Gun-thunder - full auto - five shots. Bloodspray hitting the walls/screams/yells from behind - muzzleflash lightningstrike white in a dim corridor. Kenny pulled back and ran. Two cops dead - a third following. He had two shots left in the gun.

 There was a ratcheting noise of a shotgun shell dropping into the breech.

"Don't you move, tiger".

 Kenny turned; .45 aimed at the sky. "Prestud Exhator", he said. "It's been a while".

 "Too right it has". Exhator kept his shotgun trained at the sentient bag of potato chips.

 "C'mon man", said Kenny, "it doesn't have to be like this. Come-omeome JOIN-oinoin my FELLOW-ellowsellows and ME-E-E-E".

 Exhator shuddered. "There's NO other way, Kenny. You know it. Cats who do rip-off lines of movies as bad as that deserve to be locked up".

 Kenny sighed. "Ah, well. I'll be along sometime". He fired the .45 into the air.

 Exhator flinched.

Kenny jumped off the roof and floated safely to the ground. Prestud saw him hijack a car and drive off into the distance.

Edited March 19, 2016 by Erasmus Graves

[The Hip Historian Iaredios]

...And then suddenly, the Incredible Hulk falls down from the sky and crashes Kenny's car, and then he jumped again, not giving a crud about the death he caused, and then aims his jumping trajectory towards Dimsdale.

 

He smashes down onto a house and aims to go somewhere else, where a middle-aged man groans whilst on his jon in his ruined home, uttering, "DINKLEBURG!". He vowed revenge upon what he thought was a super-powered Mr. Dinklburg, and with TP still on his heel he drove to a nuclear power-plant...

[Erasmus Graves]

Tuesday: 9:00

 "Mornin' Mister Carter", says the gate guard to the middle-aged man slumped in the driver's seat of the Bentley. "What'll you be wantin?"

 "In", says Carter. "I want in, you silly man".

 "No need to take that tone with me", says the gate guard, offended. He pulls a lever, lets the Bentley into the power station's compound. Carter gets out, takes a look around. Guards and workers snap to respectful attention; their salutes as crisp as a fresh-ironed shirt. Carter nods, scratches his beer belly. One guard sniggers. Carter's gaze snaps onto him, as venomous as an adder's kiss.

The man trembles. "S-sorry sir. I-it's just that... that you've got j-j-j...john paper on y-your foot".

 "Oh yeah?" Carter kicks until the wretched thing comes off. "Thanks". He is oddly dignified, standing there in his singlet and shorts, grey-brown hair all mussed up like Einstein in an electric storm. He looks out through the bars. "What're those hippie losers doing out there?"

 "Protesting, boss".

 "Yeah? Well, no hippies're gonna protest on my station. This is D.O.O.M. property, y'know! Clear 'em out!".

 "Yessir". The guards go to work.

 Carter heads into the station, rubbing his hands, planning vengeance on Dinkleberg. His mobile chimes.

 Inside his pocket, a text from Kenny appears, reading:

 AAAAA! Car been crushed by some green thang. Can oo giv us a lift? Sendin location in 20 sec. If oo doesn't pick me in 2 hrs. iLL send a bomb to u mwahahaha!

Edited March 22, 2016 by Erasmus Graves

[Toa Imrukii]

Crocker wakes from his sleep to see what the commotion is about, seeing all this chaos, his mind immediately went to the only conclusion that was applicable in his to him. "This must be the work of.... FAIRY GOD-PARENTS!!!" He shouted. He ran to his van, turned on the ignition, and drove it down the street to survay the madness in search of Fairy God-Parents.

[Erasmus Graves]

"HEEEERE FAIRY GODPARENTS HEEERE HEERE HEEEEERE!!!"

Crocker was fully jacked on Coke (-a-Cola) 'n' other stuff as he tore out of the garage and into the nuclear power plant's yard. He drove straight through the gates, running over hippies roughshod and out into the wild.

"101 we got a car-driving psycho on the loose". Detective Prestud Exhator flicked the radio off and pulled out of his parking spot, where he had been tracing Kenny: Kenny, chairman of D.O.O.M.; Kenny, that bag of evil sentient potato chips. Now he had a madman in a char on the loose. What a life.

[McNugget]

"So then-" Cameron continued, before being interrupted by his friend George.

"Wait, I thought this story was about a man trying to get his beef back, not about this D.O.O.M. thing and that Crocker guy."

"If you had just listened to the whole thing it would make sense! I also have 3 prequels written up that explain why The Hulk was there, and the origins of D.O.O.M.!"

"Nuh, I have a better story Idea..." 

[The Hip Historian Iaredios]

"...I call it, the Crystal Conflict," spake George, thence drinking from his stupid paper cone and refilling it from the water-cooler.

 

Cameron rolled his eyes and murmured, "Oh this outta be good"

 

"Now of the three kindreds of the gods were gathered at last in Vinnland, and Markus was chained. This was the Twelvehand of the Nice Prairie , the fullness of its glory and its bliss, long in tale of years, but in memory too brief. In those days, the angels became fullgrown in stature of body and mind, and the Dale of Dims advanced ever in skill and knowledge; and the long years were filled with their joyful labors.

 

"In that time was born in Sweetland of Ooo, in the house of the King of Kandi upon the crown of Tootsie, the eldest of the sons of King Finn, and the most beloved. Finnson was his name, but by his mother he was named Crocker, Spirit of Fairy.; and thus --"

 

Cameron rudely interrupted, "-- ...And then suddenly, the Incredible Hulk came crashing down into the ancient palace with something in one of his hands." The man made explosion and roaring noises and rocked the water cooler, "He yelled loud as Heck, and snatched Prince Crocker from his royal little bed. Baby in one green hand, and Ol' Beef in the other more green hand, Green Bruce then hopped up to the moon, off to see the Wizard of the Moon and show the dog corpse and the baby his favorite pale prairie and lunar dragons. But as they landed on El Luna, Hulk found that he had been followed! A grappling hook was lodged into his ankle and another Bruce had followed them: Bat-Bruce the Grey. "Hand over the child, Bruce!" He said! "No, Hulk show Baby Beef good time!" Bat-Bruce readied his Gauntlets of Lightning, and said epicly: "Tell me Bruce, do you bleed?". Green Bruce then said, "Hulk bleed green!"

 

Cameron couldn't stop laughing and George found himself laughing with him against his will, "Dude, you--- You always do this! I was getting somewhere!" Cameron repied, "Yeah, gettin' down to Downtown Snoresville!". "Screw you Cameron!" Cameron kept laughing, but George... George had seized his chortles, and his anger had bottled up to new height. Forget what his therapist said, George was going to do something that would change his life...

Edited April 4, 2016 by Iaredios the Hip Historian

[Toa Imrukii]

George, in a fit of rage, stuck the water cooler, including his stupid paper cup up his butt. Yeah, that certainly changed his life all right. Cameron, was shocked at the sight, yet burst out laughing.

 

The hulk then fell from the sky onto Crocker's house. The bang was so loud, that it made a young child to run from his home, and into a forest with a tall mountain in it's view, the boy took a nap in the forest, then it started raining, annoyed by this, he spotted a small cave on the top of the mountain. After some time, the boy managed to climb up the mountain, he took refuge in the cave, but tripped over a root and fell into a hole into another world.

 

The next morning, the damage was assessed, Hulk and Batman were contested, and it was decided that Hulk would become a part of a new Zoo exhibit. And Batman would become a Carnival mascot.

 

As for the kid, no one knows what truely happened to him, except you. (hint hint, you continue it)

Edited April 6, 2016 by Toa Imrukii

[The Hip Historian Iaredios]

The child died, but Prince Crocker set out to prepare for his journey back home. He went to local bar to find recruits for his quest, and to his surprise, he found...

[Erasmus Graves]

James Ellroy and Elmore Leonard having the most savage rap battle as ever witnessed between crime writers. Surrounded by dozens of cheering crime-fiction fans, they (despite their advanced years) went at each other with savage words, snappy suits and powerful mikes.

The Prince, open-mouthed, stepped forwards, to the edge of the circle. Those fellas are looking pretty likely for fellow questers, he thought...

[Ghidora131]

Suddenly, the silence was shattered by a distasteful noise.

 

A rude, cutting remark.

 

 

"Your act stings like a wasp on caffeine!" Shouts a unprofessional heckler. "I demand a re-fund!"

[The Hip Historian Iaredios]

The old balding shopkeeper looked up, his eerie eyes covered in the shade of his deep brow.

 

"...So, ye wants me to take Ol' Beef back eh?", he said, looking at the eternally frozen, partially eaten dog corpse.

 

"Yes! This thing is cursed I tell you! I don't want any more to do with this enchanting piece of schnit! Give me back my money!"

 

"Surrrre mister. But, it's gonna cost yaaaa..." The store owner said, his old, withered voice audibly whispering the haunting words from his cracked ancient lips.

[Erasmus Graves]

"OK, OK, how much?"

"That depends", said the shopkeeper. "What do ye mean, anyway; it's 'cursed'? Good prime piece o' meat, that".

"Look at this!"

 

FLASHBACK TIME:

Suddenly, the silence was shattered by a distasteful noise.

 

A rude, cutting remark.

 

 

"Your act stings like a wasp on caffeine!" Shouts a unprofessional heckler. "I demand a re-fund!"

Ellroy looked at Leonard. Leonard looked at Ellroy.

Ellroy said, "Let's take this schmuck".

The two crime writers jumped the crowd and dived through the sea of bodies. They tackled the heckler as he tried to run - he went down hard, came up rolling. Ellroy picked a bottle off the top of the bar, blocked the first punch, knocked the man over with a good hard hit.

Leonard picked the mic cable up from the floor, wrapped it around the man's throat, started throttling him. The man's bag slipped from his fingers, hit the ground and came open. Ol' Beef rolled out.

The unprofessional heckler gurgled. "'um on 'oo guysh", he pleaded, "lemme go. Giz us...a...fair chance, won't 'oo?"

END FLASHBACK

 

The heckler's bruised face looked out from under a hatbrim. "There've been more arrests and deaths connected to this lousy beef over the course of two days than... than... I DON'T KNOW! It's playing havoc with the multiverse!"

 

"Yeah, alright, OK. I reckon we c'n reach an agreement".

 

"Alright, what's the price?"

 

The shopkeeper pulled a syringe and chisel from under the counter. "20ml of yer blood", he said...

Edited April 24, 2016 by Erasmus Graves