The Aftermath: Takuma, Turakii, Laughin' Man, Avohkah Tamer, And Deadpool Vs. The Aliens
Note: Small Legends #10 spoiler follows.
As you all know, aliens tried to drag me off yesterday along with Turakii, Laughin'Man, Avohkah Tamer, Deadpool, and a few select others. Below is an account of the attack...
The yellow Toa narrowly dodged another blast. The army of green intergalactic midgets advanced, unleashing a barrage of laser beams and kinetic death rays. He dove behind a pile of crates and huddled down near his comrades.
"How many are there?!" Turakii asked over the din of laser blasts.
"Too many!" Takuma Nuva shouted back.
"This is ridiculous!" shouted Laughin'Man. "Why did I have to be born so good-looking? I'm too young to die!"
Nearby stood a Matoran with an Avohkah on a leash. "Come on, Laughin'Man! Don't you know anything?" Avohkah Tamer asked. "The aliens aren't going to kill us!"
"Oh, that's a relief!" Laughin'Man said.
"They're going to kidnap us instead!"
Laughin'Man's face remained blank for a moment before he jumped up and started running in circles, screaming like a wild banshee.
"Sit down!" Turakii said as she grabbed Laughin'Man's leg and yanked him to the floor. "We're trying to avoid them, not entertain them!"
A concussion missile passed over Takuma's head, narrowly missing him. "Where's Deadpool when I need him? Deadpool!"
Deadpool suddenly appeared in the groups midst thanks to his handy teleportation device. "Can't a guy watch an episode of CHiPs without being interrupted at all anymore?"
"In case you haven't noticed, Deadpool, we have a bit of a situation here!" Takuma scolded.
"Oh, that's nothing," Deadpool said. He nonchalantly tossed a grenade over his shoulder sending some fifty-odd aliens in all directions.
"I give up with you," Takuma said, exasperated. Activating his Kanohi Hikaku: Mask of Nui-Jumping, he shot up and through the roof of the warehouse. Landing on top, he surveyed the situation. There was what seemed to be an endless army of aliens advancing on the warehouse with more being beamed down constantly by the large flying saucer above. He jumped back in through the hole he made and landed by his companions.
"It isn't good, is it?" Avohkah Tamer asked.
"No," Takuma replied. "No, it isn't."
"Then we'll have to fight our way out!" Laughin'Man said. He showed off his hand-to-hand combat skills by karate-chopping a nearby crate labeled "Ark of the Covenant - Do not karate-chop - Handle like eggs (sunny-side up only)".
"Voltikins and I are ready to do our part!" said Avohkah Tamer gesturing towards his tamed Avohkah.
"Let's do it!" Turakii shouted. She hopped on her surfboard and rode on a wave of lava directly into the aliens organized ranks.
Takuma lept out and let loose a flare of light to disorient his foes. Wielding his club-tipped Laser Batons he started firing lasers at every alien in his path. As the aliens fell they were beamed back to the mothership above to receive medical attention.
Deadpool teleported himself into a group of particularly deadly aliens. "I'm getting sick and tired of you alien invaders!" he complained. "How am I ever supposed to find time to shave my legs if you don't let up for long enough?" He whipped out two katanas and started twirling around at high-speed, sending more aliens beaming up to the flying saucer above.
Avohkah Tamer ran out and started clawing and punching his way through the aliens while his Avohkah went mad and started striking every nearby alien with electricity. "Shocked, aren't you?" Avohkah Tamer laughed maniacally as he picked up another alien and started it swinging around as though it were a sword.
Laughin'Man jumped out and started performing all sorts of martial arts moves, aliens falling at every blow. Then, lashing out with his mind, Laughin'Man used the force to blast away all the aliens in front of him while he delivered a Matrix-style roundhouse kick to the rest of the surrounding invaders. "I'd like to see Chuck Norris do that!"
The aliens, seeing how impossibly outmatched they were, began retreating from the warehouse and beaming up to the mothership hovering in the sky.
"Look! It worked!" Avohkah Tamer said, pointing to the retreating army.
"Huzzah!" Laughin'Man cheered.
"Ditto!" Takuma agreed.
"No pickles," Deadpool commented.
"OH NOOO!!!" Turakii shouted. "They took my box of okra cookies!"
Takuma turned his gaze skyward and watched as the saucer sped away. He dashed off for a nearby crate and tore it open. Reaching inside, he pulled out an elongated, crystal skull. He ran outside with it and held it skyward aimed at the mothership. They all watched as the enormous saucer was pulled back by the magnetic force of the crystal skull and came crashing down deep into the Amazon rainforest. The sheer might of the landing sent Turakii's box of cookies sailing through the air all the way back to her arms.
"Wow, that was a close one," Laughin'Man said.
"What do you suppose they were after, Takuma?" Avohkah Tamer asked. "Besides us that is?"
The Toa placed the skull back in the crate and sealed it off again. "I haven't the slightest idea."
"I'm not sure I want to know," Turakii said.
Deadpool wandered off leaving the group alone. "The things some people write when they're not doing anything," he said to himself. "Hey! Is that scone on the floor?!"
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