Toru Nui

Part 48: Don’t Fight Inside Mr. Whenua’s Hut, Please “Please-OW!-stop-OW!-slapping-ME!” “NOT UNTIL YOU GIVE ME BACK MY LIGHTSTONE YOU THIEF!” “You traveled from Ga-Koro all the way to Onu-Koro because of a Lightstone?” “YES!” “Attention mission control, soulmate located.” Then Tahu came crashing through the wall, courtesy of Vakama. “Owwwwwwww… Maybe calling him “Gramps” wasn’t my best idea…” “FEAR THE FURIOUS FIRE OF MY FURY, FOOL!” “Could there have been any MORE F’s in that sentence?” “Maybe. I don’t really care.” “Turaga, what are we doing attacking each other and the Toa over silly reasons-OW! QUIT IT!” “Lightstone.” “Swoon.” “SHUT UP!” “Who are you telling to shut up?” “ALL OF YOU!” “Does that include me, sir?” “It always includes you, Nuhrii.” “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! CAN’T YOU SEE I’M BEATING THE SNOT OUT OF THAT WHIPPERSNAPP-Spiriah, I mean fool.” “I thought I’d let you know that the Onu-Matoran have surrendered.” “Why?” “Because they wanted us to stop embarrassing ourselves by poking them with blunt spears.” “Is that a direct quote?” “Something like that.” “IF I SAY PEOPLE GET MASSACRED THEY GET MASSACRED!!!” “Except in this case.” “SHUT IT!” “Is that all you can say, shut up and shut it?!” “SILENCE!” “And silence?” “HUSH!” “And hush?” “QUIET!” “And qui-OW!” “Did you just hit a girl, Turaga?” “Nuhrii, if you don’t go back and tell those Onu-Matoran they’re gonna get destroyed whether they like it or not I shall have to hurt you.” “You do that anyway-OW! Alright, alright, I’m-a going!” “As for you two…” “Three!” “Four!” “WHY IS EVERYONE OPPOSING ME ALL OF A SUDDEN?!” “Because-“ “WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP ON ANSWERING MY RHETORICAL QUESTIONS?!” “Because-“ “WHY DO-“ “Because-“ “I DIDN’T FINISH!!!” “Because-“ “*SNARL*” DO NOT BE MAD AT VAKAMA HE IS SUFFERING FROM POST-HORDIKA STRESS DISORDER

"AGGGGGGGGGGNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!" "Yes Turaga?" "WHY. IS. THE. CROWNING. ACHIEVEMENT. OF. MY. LIFE. GONE?!" "The Trader said he needed to borrow it." "...Jaller, prepare Agni's tombstone for me." Seriously though, excellent job.

Part 47: Traitorous is His Main Trait “Well, after that, I think I should be leading, shouldn’t you?” “Not a chance, the only reason was because my head… you know.” “That’s no excus-AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” There was a dagger in Gali’s leg. She fell over and writhed in pain on the ground. “Well, that went better than expected.” Macku rushed onto the shore. “HAHLI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” “Hahli” pulled out a familiar-looking gun and gestured for her to stand near Onua. “All too easy. Now, your masks.” “Wha-? Hahli, you know we can’t…” “MASKS! NOW!” “No.” “Well then…” She got ready to fire, but was then hit over the head. CLUNK! “Heheheh… I’ll never get tired of doing that…” “HEWKII!” “Macku!” “Pain…” “That’s… rich…” “OK, you’ve been acting strange all day, but now I am absolutely certain you are not my friend!” “Hahli” stood up, clutching her head. “Heheheh… you must admit, the resemblance is striking…” “But who are you?” “Hahli” quickly turned around and knocked Hewkii down with her foot, and grabbed her gun again, but before she could do so, she was blasted by water from Gali. The water short-circuited her disguise machine around his neck, revealing himself. “YOWOWOWOWOOWOWOWOWOOWOOWOWOWOWOWOWO!!!” “AHKMOU!” “YOU!” “WHO?” “So you’re the perpetrator behind this!” “I wish. Nope, that’s Makuta. I work for him.” “…Ahkmou, I know you haven’t been the nicest guy but why side with MAKUTA?! HE’S EVIL!” “So am I.” “Fair enough.” “WHY MUST I DO EVERYTHING MYSELF?” Suddenly a Kane-Ra sped across the shore, coming straight for them. HOW IS HEWKII HERE YOU ASK ALL WILL BE REVEALED IN TIME

You bet five on Gali, who won. You now receive your original bet multiplied by 10. That or I got the math wrong. AND I AM NEVER WRONG. Part 46: B.F.F “DEATH TO THE ONU-MATORAN!!!” “You realize your spears aren’t sharp, right?” “ATTACK!!!” “Sir, we’re already attacking.” “Nuhrii…” “OK OK, I’ll shut up now.” “You should have shut up years ago-TAKUA! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!” “…Leaving?” “I can see that.” “So can I!” “You change from stupidly sarcastic to sarcastically stupid on a WIDGET. As for YOU, I’d like a few words with you.” “Y-Yes Captain!” Jaller and Takua entered Whenua’s hut. They then immediately burst into laughter. “PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAH!…” “HOOOOOHOHOOHOHOHOHOHOHOOHOHOHOHOHOHO! You… you would have thought that they would have caught on by now... hahahhah…” “Especially since you’re the only one who ever administers any quote punishments unquote!” You see, although the majority of Ta-Koro despises Takua, he and Jaller are secretly friends. Who woulda thunk? Certainly not Pohatu, as he stumbled into Whenua’s hut as well, disorientated after being flung a few feet by an angry old man. “Honey, I’m home!” “Who are you?” “I’m the milkman! Bing-bang gooly gooly! Flallop! BLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!! CAKAKAKAKAKKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKKAKAKAKA! Hoohahahahah, Hoohahahahahahh! WHOWOWOHOHOW!” “Weirdo.” “Yep.” “BLUBLUBLU… Sorry, needed to get that out of my system.” “You need to get out of this hut.” “You certainly do.” Hahli leapt from the shadows of the hut and leapt onto Takua. How a bright blue woman is able to hide inside a brightly lit hut is up to your imagination. “WHAT THE-I thought you were bitten by a Kofu-Jaga!” “Kofu-Jaga bite? THAT’S FATAL! HOW DID YOU LIVE WOMAN?!” “Spite!” “I’m in love.” Now you may be thinking, how is Hahli here when she is with Gali, Onua and Macku? Easy… The Hahli here is real... THE OTHER IS FAKE. PREPOSTEROUS IMPOSTER

Part 45: Gali VS Tarakava The Tarakava struck first. Gali blocked by crossing her hooks across her face. The Tarakava struck again, and again, and again, Gali blocking and/or dodging all its attacks. “Left hook! Right to the jaw!” “I KNOW HOW THIS WORKS, STOP PESTER-“ While Gali was distracted by Macku, she forgot about the Tarakava. BOFF! She landed into the water like Onua did. Only she didn’t have her Mask of Water Breathing. She didn’t tug on Macku’s rope for two reasons. 1: She didn’t want to damage her cranium on a certain spiky rock, and 2: She controlled water. She created a hand of water on the surface which grabbed the Tarakava and drug it underwater. “OH NO…” A few bubbles later, Gali emerged from the water carrying the Infected Kanohi of the Tarakava, which emerged on to the shore a few moments later and sped off, it’s pride hurt. It had just lost to a woman, you know. “And your winner is: GALI! Toa of Water!” “Big whoop.” Onua finally managed to get past the pain of diving headfirst into a spiky rock three times and stand up. “You OK there?” “I’ll need a new skull, that’s for sure.” “I hear skulduggery is a good (yet illegal) way to get one. Ay? Ay?” “Don’t make me laugh.” “So you admit that was funny? I guess it was like that “black comedy” you were blathering about earlier…” “No seriously. It would harm my now highly-sensitive cranium.” “Cranium? Is that a-“ “No, Macku…” “But I-“ “NO Macku…” GALI WINS I NOW OWE PETEWA 50 WIDGETS

Ask Christopher Gaze. Money can't talk. “SPEAK FOR YOURSELF!.” Quiet. I'd like to apologize for having no post yesterday. To make up for it, there shall be TWO today. Part 44: Anti-Climax “YOU!!! SHALL LET US!!!-“ He slammed his staff down. “-PASS!!!” “No.” “Dagnabit.” “Oh well, we tried.” “*sigh*” “Should I let the Turaga go Turaga?” “Yes.” “Not you! The other Turaga!” “There are three Turaga in the vicinity Agni. I think you may need to specify.” “No there’s not!” “…Funny. I could have sworn Turaga Onewa was around here somewhere.” “He snuck off!” “Find him!” “NO YOU WILL NOT! Can you stop them at LEAST?” “Of course.” The Ta-Matoran then started piling on the Onu-Matoran. As Matoran do when fighting each-other. “They can handle a dozen Onu-Matoran but they can’t handle ONE Toa? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!” “Common sense?” “Saviour, or no, I’m going to beat you within an inch of your life.” “That would be threatening if you weren’t, you know, a small frail old man waving a stick at me.” “Perhaps you don’t understand. I’m taking Whenua to Ta-Koro. You actually CAN’T stop me.” “You and what army?” Vakama gestured towards the Ta-Koro Guard, but they were busy fighting Onu-Matoran, and the few that were having a breather wildly shook their heads. “Well… with age comes experience!” “Enjoy it while you can, gramps.” YOUR POWERS ARE WEAK OLD MAN

Part 43: Home is Where the Heart is Onua tugged onto Macku’s fishing hook again and was immediately hauled out. Guess where he landed. “OWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWOWHHHHHHHHOWWWWWOOOOOW!!! WHY WOULD I LAND ON THE SAME ROCK FACE-FIRST AGAIN?!” “…Cuz it’s funny?” “IT’S NOT FROM WHERE I’M STANDING!” Gali snatched her mask back and smothered Onua with his. “Look, I don’t like you, and you don’t like me!” “I kind of like you, but you’re just acting rude.” “OK, maybe you like me, but I don’t like you.” “No kidding, you don’t like people when you’re rude!” “Shut up! Look, we have to find the Great Masks. The best way to do that is to work together!” “This implies that we CAN.” “We can and we will.” “No, we won’t.” “YES!” “NO!” “YES!” “NO!” “NO!” “Alright, we won’t.” “…That…should have worked.” “Only in your dreams. And perhaps nightmares.” “…Are you SURE you’re not married?” “SHUT UP! I’ll work with you, but I’M in charge.” “YOU? You couldn’t charge your way out of a paper BAG!” “Obviously. Paper is a very valuable resource.” “Look, this is my home turf, and on my home turf, I’m in charge!” “Home is where the heart is. Obviously your heart is halfway up your-“ BOFF! Onua was knocked back into the water by the punch of a Tarakava. He tugged on Macku’s rod and… well you know. “YEEEEEOWWWWWEHWHEOWHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHOWHWOHWHWOHWHOH!!! WHY IS IT THE SAME SPIKED ROCK AND HEAD-FIRST EVERY TIME?!” “ROUND TWO, SUCKERS!” REMATCH OF THE CENTURY GALI VS TARAKAVA PLACE YOUR BETS

Part 42: Fighting Fire with Fire “WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE ALL YELLING!?” “BECAUSE YOU ARE!” “WE WERE SHOUTING BEFORE HE WAS!” “YOU SOME KINDA HISTORIAN?!” “Well, I don’t wanna brag…” “Enough.” “QUIET YOU!” “WAIT A MINUTE! Why are we searching for a Powerless Mask when you have THREE Great ones?!” “..Because they're MINE? DUH!” Tahu mustered up all his strength and stole a Mask of Shielding from the pocket dimension on Pohatu's back. “Turaga, no offence, but this is incredibly stupid!” “So are you.” “If you kill Whenua, the Onu-Matoran won’t help you in case of a Rahi attack!” “Which wouldn’t be a problem if you STAYED IN TA-KORO!” “I have to help the other Toa retrieve THEIR Golden Masks!” “They can do that THEMSELVES! I’m taking Whenua to Ta-Koro, with or without you!” “…Sorry Turaga. I’m afraid we can’t let you do that.” “We?” “Yes, WE!” “Sorry, I thought your ego was too big for that.” “You dare defy ME?!” “Well, yes.” “JALLER! Don’t sit around like a chair! GET HIM!” “Um, wouldn’t that be suicide?” “I have to agree with Nuhrii on this one Turaga, you know what’s he’s capable of.” “GRR… *ROAR* WHY MUST I DO EVERY LITTLE THING BY MYSELF?! MY MATORAN ARE USELESS, MY FELLOW TURAGA ARE USELESS, AND NOW, YOU’RE USELESS! I have gone to ABSURD lengths to ensure the survival and freedom of the Matoran; sacrificed everything for IDIOTS! you can’t even imagine what I’ve done to keep that up! What I’ve lost! WHAT I WILL NEVER SEE AGAIN!!!” “Uh oh…” “Turaga, just calm down.” “You’re in no position to start being hostile.” “NO POSITION?! *GROWL* I’ve fought legions and hordes of things you can’t even imagine; I threatened Makuta to his FACE, I EVEN SAVED THE ENTIRE FABRIC OF TIME!!! TWICE!!! What makes you think you two inexperienced FOOLS stand a chance?” “…Two against one?” Vakama knocked him away across Onu-Koro with a blast of fire. “AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYOWWWWWWWWWUUUUUUUUUUUOW!!!” “KAPURA, AGNI! COME, AND TAKE THE TRAITOR WITH YOU!” Kapura and Agni prodded Whenua with their spears and started moving towards the Ta-Koro tunnel. Tahu stood in the way. “Over my cold dead freezing rotting dead decomposing cold silent freezing motionless dead cold carcass! Did I mention cold?” If you believed Vakama couldn’t get any angrier, you were wrong. “YOU!!! SHALL LET US!!!-“ He slammed his staff down. “-PASS!!!” THE SITUATION IS GETTING RATHER OUT OF HAND MAKUTA WOULD BE PLEASED

Part 41: Dark Comedy After putting her mask back on her face, Onua helped Gali stand up. “So, you are the Toa of Earth?” “Yes.” “Tell me, what is the difference between Earth and Stone?” “I AM NOT THE SAME AS THAT FAT FREAK!” “…Rrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggghhhhhhhtttttttttt… Anyway, you need help finding the masks?” “Well, if the last three minutes have taught me anything, it’s always wise to have people willing to sacrifice themselves for your hide.” “…” “Joke.” “So my jokes are no good, but something like THAT is OK?” “It’s called black comedy.” “That’s terrible as well!” “That wasn’t another joke!” “Oh really? BLACK comedy. That’s terrible.” “I don’t see what’s bad about bla-oh. OK, THAT’S terrible.” “That wasn’t a joke!” “Oh so I’m supposed to believe YOU when you say that?!” “…Are you two married?” “NO!” “NO!” “I AM NOT EVEN CONSIDERING MARRIAGE AND NOBODY CAN PROVE I AM OR WHO WITH!!!” … … … … … “AAAAAANNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY, do you want us to help you or not?” “Oh no, it’s far too dangerous.” “That’s only because you can’t swim.” “You know, there IS a limit to my patience.” “Clearly not to your stupidity.” Onua snatched off Gali’s mask (the mask on the Toa Mata were ridiculously easy to knock off), put his own her face, and walked off into the water. “Hey! Where are you going?!” “BACK UNDERWATER! AT LEAST THE FISH HAVE MANNERS! AND GOOD HUMOUR!” And he did so, bubbling up a storm as he went. “Want me to fish him out?” “No. Let him stew in his own juice.” “Water.” “Tomato, tamato.” POTATO PATATO

Part 40: None of What Follows Happens in the Original Story, not Even Close Pohatu began to regain consciousness. It wasn’t easy, haven being thrown a good fifty feet and all, but he did so. “UGH! Oh… I’ve got sand in places I didn’t even know I had. Yahu? T-Tahu!” He saw a red figure in the sand crawling in the sand. You see, without a mask, a Toa loses physical strength. He could no longer be bothered to walk. Pohatu rushed over to him. “Tahu!” “Oh so NOW you use my name. Whoop de do, ya dumb piece of dirt.” “Well I WAS going to help you walk but now…” “Now what?” “Now I don’t think I will.” “YOU’LL HELP ME OR I’LL ROAST YOU ALIVE! When I feel like it…” “With what? A small spark? LOOK AT YOU! You look like you ran a marathon drinking nothing but anti-coffee!” “What the Karzahni is anti-coffee?” “Well you know how coffee gives you energy?” “Yes…?” “Anti-coffee is the opposite.” You don’t know what coffee is. “Pretend I do.” Pretend you have a choice in the matter. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!” “Don’t challenge me. Well I’ll help you anyway to move the plot alon-I mean because you’re my brother and all (I think). Hop on my back and let’s find a powerless mask to replace the golden one so you at least have some energy to help me find it again!” “YES! Only… I can’t be bothered. Five more minutes…” Pohatu grabbed Tahu and put him on his back himself. Then he held on tight to him and sped off in search of a mask. Any mask really. Meanwhile Whenua was having problems of his own… “You have the gall to destroy our tunnel, cutting off our only safe exit from Ta-Wahi, and what’s more, YOU’RE TRYING TO PUT THE BLAME ON ONEWA!” “Uh, you don’t understand, the-“ “SILENCE!” Vakama whacked Onepu on the head with his staff. “Ow!” “Why do people say silence very loudly? It defeats the purpose.” “I object! This is…OBJECTABLE!” “Shut it orange!” “And what’s wrong with being orange?” “Uh…” “It’s not nice to insult other people because of their colour, Nuhrii. And it’s hazardous to your health to insult people of the same colour of your Turaga, WITHIN EARSHOT OF HIM!!!” “Can I go now?” “No.” “Yes.” “No.” “Yes!” “No.” “YES!” “No.” “YES!!!” “Yes.” “NO!” “Yes.” “NO!!!” “Yes.” “He is not going and that’s final.” … … … … … “YOU SON OF A-“ “Quiet. Quiet in the court. I said quiet. Quiet everybody, quie-“ “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH SHUT UP!” “Hear hear!” “YOU WILL DIE SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY!!!” “Hmm. I like this prosecutor.” “You would.” Meanwhile (again), Pohatu and Yahu- “TAHU!!!” Sorry. Pohatu and TAHU arrived in Po-Koro for the first time, but there was nobody there. “Hello? Anybody home? Anyone? Anything? Anysomething? No? *sigh*” “Hmm… We could try Onu-Koro.” “Where’s that?” “Follow where I’m pointing at all times and keep running. And hurry! This takes effort.” “Yessir!” Pohatu followed Tahu’s hand out of Po-Koro and into the now clearing Onu-Koro tunnel. Meanwhile (again (again))… “Listen. Onewa was-“ “I DON’T GIVE A BRAKAS’ RECTUM WHAT ONEWA WAS!” “WHY AM I HEARING THIS PHRASE ALL OF A SUDDEN WHEN FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER I’VE HEARD NOTHING OF THE SORT!?” “SHUDDDDDDDDDDDDDUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPP!!!” “All I know, is that you blew up the Ta-Koro tunnel! That was to be used only in cases of emergency! WE AGREED!” “It was an emer-“ “I DON’T WANT TO HEAR YOUR EXCUSES! I WANT TO HEAR YOUR APOLOGIES!” “Sorry.” “I DON’T WANT TO HEAR YOUR APOLOGIES! I WANT TO HEAR YOUR SCREAMS!” “Ahhhhhhhhh.” “NOT HERE, FOOL! IN THE LAVA OF MANGAI!” “You can’t arrest our Turaga!” “I CAN, I WILL, AND I ALREADY HAVE! IF ANYONE HAS ANY COMPLAINTS, THEY CAN GO SEE THE TA-KORO GUARD COMPLAINTS DEPARTMENT!” “We have one of those?” “Nuhrii, it’s a metaphor for lava.” “Didn’t seem like it.” “Mata Nui, please give me the power not to strangle this brainless fool were he stands. Because that’s fools do. THEY STAND!” “We wouldn’t have detonated the charges unless there was no other option! That would go against everything I and Onu-Koro stand for!” “Quiet, fool!” “Turaga Whenua, you are coming with us!” “BOGEY INCOMING!” “That’s disgust-WOAH!” A brown and red blur sped out of the Po-Wahi tunnel and knocked over a few Matoran before it tripped over it’s own foot. “Tahu?!” “Vakama?” “Tahu!” “Takua!” “Tahu?” “Tahu.” “Pohatu!” “POHATU!” “Who?” “*groan*” “That’s not the name of anyone here I think.” “I’M STUPID? JUST LOOK AT KAPURA!” “He’s LOVABLE stupid. You’re INTOLERABLE stupid.” “What is going on here?” “We’re arresting him.” “Why?” “He betrayed his allies!” “THEY BETRAYED THEIR ALLIES! ONEWA BETRAYED US AND YOU!” “So like Onu-Matoran to try and pin the blame on someone else, like an immature… something.” “I resemble that remark!” “WHAT IS GOING ON?” “I DON’T KNOW!” “THEN WHY ARE WE YELLING?!” “BECAUSE WE WANT OUR POINTS ACROSS!” “Psst. Now would be a good time to run Turaga.” Onewa snuck off and disguised himself in the crowd of Po-Matoran while everyone else yelled for no reason. “I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE YELLING ABOUT!” “ABOUT WHAT WE DON’T KNOW!” “WELL WHAT DO WE KNOW?” “Sometimes I regret not finishing that doomsday device.” CAN YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT IS GOING ON BECAUSE I CANNOT AND I WROTE THIS

Part 39: Better Call Someone “Alright. Since it’s too much hassle to get the witnesses to testify without arguing who is who, we will move on to evidence. Prosecution?” “Thank you your honour, I-“ “He has no honour.” “Hear hear!” “I WILL DISEMBOWEL YOU!!!” “The defendant will be silent and the prosecution will postpone the disemboweling until after the trial is over.” “*sigh* As I was saying, during the confiscation of the defendants belongings, we retrieved this tape of what sounded like a battle rally. With your permission, we would like to play it.” “No you may not.” “I was asking him!” “Well he’s a Turaga, but I too am a Turaga and I veto this. I veto all of this!” “Are there any other Turaga in the audience who support him on this?” *crickets chirping* “As I thought. Play the tape.” *See Part 24: Breaking Point for the audio of the tape. A few minutes later… “OH COME ON! Your dishonour, how can it be proven that the voice on that tape belongs to the defendant!?” “Because, oh I don’t know, THEY SOUND THE SAME?!” “…I OBJECT!” “Why is that?” “Because this is devastating to my case!” “Overruled.” “Good call!” “It doesn’t matter. You honestly think you can put me away, Whenua?” “Yes. Because as you see, I am the law, and you are the crime.” “You know the other Turaga won’t stand for this!” “Vakama will be pleased that you have been incarcerated, Nokama will see my side as she always does, Matau simply wouldn’t give a Brakas’ rectum and neither would Nuju.” “That is not a common phrase! Why am I hearing everyone say it all of a sudden?!” “You forgot one thing.” “And what might that be?” “Vakama will blame you for blowing up the tunnels.” “That’s absur-“ “WHEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNUAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” “Oh no…” THE PLOT THICKENS

Part 38: Sacrifice Time was running out. Gali was now sweating to keep the air bubble around Onua. And sweating underwater is not a nice sensation. There was only one other option… Gali quickly took off her Mask of Water Breathing and slapped it on Onua’s face. However, soon she was the one who was drowning. Onua started to panic, and Gali eventually lost consciousness. Onua quickly threw Gali back up to the surface. However, she was still filled with water and he was still stuck at the bottom of the ocean. He tried to climb up, but he was simply too heavy for the fragile rocks to handle. However, he then caught sight of a fishing hook, which he grabbed on and tugged, trying to alert whoever cast it to his position. He did not expect to be reeled in like a fish. “I got one! I got one!” “That’s great. Now, mind helping me with the unconscious saviour?” Onua flew through the air as soon as he exited the water, and landed head-first into a very sharp rock on the shore. “YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWCH!” “Yuck! I’m not eating that fish.” “You OK there?” “I’ll need a new skull, but otherwise no complaints.” “*cough* *cough*” “Excuse me. MACKU! STOP FISHING FOR NON-EXISTENT FISH IN YOUR BRAND SPANKING NEW BOAT AND HELP ME OVER HERE!” “It’s alright, I know CPR.” Onua stretched his fingers claws whatever they are. Which hurt tremendously. He then transferred his pain into Gali via FALCON PUNCH to the gut, causing all the water to exit Gali’s windpipe. “…OOOWWWWWWWWW! Could you have made that anymore painful?” “You’re alive, aren’t you?” “I wish I wasn’t.” “I’ll remember that next time you almost die.” “And I’ll remember that you punch people when they’re in pain the next time YOU almost die.” “Who’s dying?” “FOR THE LOVE OF… OF… SOMETHING MACKU! PAY ATTENTION!” “Attention? Is that a new form of tax?” “I give up.” IF AT FIRST YOU DO NOT SUCCEED GIVE UP THEN COME BACK AFTER A WHILE AND TRY AGAIN

Part 37: And he Rode off Into the Sunset Tahu and Pohatu trudged along the dusty desert in the middle of a sandstorm. They were entering the heart of a Rahi Zone, but they had encountered little to no Rahi, apart from the Sand Tarakava from earlier, and a horde of Nui-Rama they fought off-screen, but apart from that, nothing. “Where are all the Rahi?” Pohatu whined like a small child who was promised something that hasn’t arrived yet. “I was looking forward to plunging into the heart of danger!” “From the very little time I spent in Ta-Koro, I heard a phrase: “Shut up and take my widgets!” Now since I have no widgets to give you I request the shut up.” “Urge to kill you rising.” “What?” “Nothing.” The two trudged along through tonnes of sand and dirt, until suddenly… “Wait.” “What now…” “Do you feel that?” “You, sucking my IQ away with everything you say?” “NO! Vibrations in the sand idiot!” “…Now that you mention it…” *RUMBLE* A Nui-Jaga emerged from the sand. “Not another one…” Pohatu kicked it in the face. The Nui-Jaga threw him a few miles away. “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHYYYYY!!!” Tahu tried setting it on fire (that’s what he does) but it stung him before he could do so. Then it took the Golden Mask from Tahu’s face with its stinger, and scurried off into the sunset. “…I’VE BEEN WATCHING TOO MANY WESTERNS.” “…Uh…oh…” PROBLEMO

Onua doesn't have the Kaukau, he only has the Pakari. This chart should explain everything... Current Great Kanohi Found: Tahu: Golden Kanohi, all twelve Mask Powers (so far). Gali: Kaukau Onua: Pakari Pohatu: Kakama, ??? and ??? Lewa: N/A Kopaka: N/A And yes I do remember. A brick joke in the making. Part 36: The Hafu and Hafu Show “OK. Now that Taipu has his blankie, is the prosecution ready to begin?” “Ye-“ “No your honour! He is not ready to begin because his witnesses have not arrived!” Then Takua and Hafu arrived, escorted by Onu-Koro guards. “Here we come to save the day!” “*sigh*” “Takua. It is Takua I’m talking to?” “No I, Hafu am not Takua, I, Hafu am Hafu.” “What? No, I, Hafu am Hafu!” “He lies! I, Hafu am Hafu!” “He, Hafu, is me, Hafu Hafu!” “Hafu is I, Hafu!” “I, Hafu is Hafu and nobody else but I, Hafu is Hafu!” “Except me, Hafu.” “…I, Hafu hate you.” “Heheheheheh…” There was (naturally) a dumbfounded silence for a lot more than a few seconds. “Weirdos.” “I agree your honour. I don’t think these witnesses are mentally competent. I therefore move that they be forbidden to testify.” “Hear hear!” “I’m going to kill you.” “There shall be no murder in my courtroom. Unless I am the murderer, in which case, shut the Karzahni up.” “This is not a courtroom, it is a courtYARD!” “I move that the defendant shut his pie cake hole!” “Accepted.” “You can’t accept that your honour! It’s unacceptable! I refuse to accept that!” “I’m afraid you’ll have to accept the fact that SHUT UP!” “Enough. I will have order in this courtroom.” “COURTYARD!” “Silence. As weird as the witnesses are, they are no more stupid than the defense.” “HEY!” “I second that your honour.” “I third that.” “Third?” “Silence again. Hafus, you may begin your testimonies.” “I, Hafu am Hafu! There is no other Hafu but me, Hafu!” “He lies! I, Hafu am Hafu, and he is not Hafu, for I, Hafu am Hafu!” “This is stupid! I, Hafu is the true Hafu, he is a preposterous imposter!” “I, Hafu am-“ “FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SWEET AND HOLY, SHUT THE KARZAHNI UUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!” … … … … … “…So as I, Hafu was saying, I, Haf-“ “You’re mocking me, Hafu, aren’t you?” “So he is the real Hafu?” “NO! I, Hafu am Hafu!” “I, Hafu am Hafu!” “STOP THAT!” “YOU STOP IT FIRST!” “NO YOU!” “NO YOU!!!” “Oh Mata Nui… *sob*” “Taipu is getting teary-eyed again. I believe we must have a small interumpsion.” “That’s uh, interRUPTION, your honour.” “That is what I said. Ten minute break.” While everybody was returning to the prosecution lobby and defence lobby depending on what side they were on, Hewkii went over to talk to Onewa and Pekka. “Hey guys, why didn’t you tell the Onu-Matoran which one of them was Hafu?” “Because I was enjoying the spectacle.” “Hafu’s ALWAYS had that stupid tic. It’s about time for him to find out how ANNOYING it is. But after this trial charade is over, he will be punished more severely for betraying his kind, and that Ta-Matoran as well…” “Question: aren’t we the good guys?” “Yes and shut up.” DIVIDE AND CONQUER

Part 35: Fickle Fikou “Problem.” “Problem.” Gali and Onua immediately ran from the advancing Fikou horde. Onua tripped over something and was immediately covered in the little buggers. “HALP!!!” “Pardon? Oh, help!” Gali tried spraying the Fikou off Onua, but it was NO USE. “…” “Ow, ow, what are you doing to me? OW! Help! I’m being violated!” Gali dived into the water where the Fikou couldn’t follow. “*SIGH*” The Fikou began to scatter and run away… “YES!” But not before they tossed in Onua as well. “Wuh oh…” For those of you who are unaware, Onua does not have the Mask of Water Breathing, is heavy, and cannot swim. You do the math. “*drowning noises*” Gali tried to pull him up, but he was too heavy. So, she tried an alternate solution: instead of removing Onua from the water, she removed the water from Onua. Did your brain just explode? If it did we apologize. We will mail a replacement brain if you kindly sign out this form: Name: Occupation: Country: Address: Reason for somehow being able to fill him this form despite the fact your freakin’ BRAIN just exploded: Now mail this form to: yourbrainhasnotexplodedyourottenliar@yahu.com. “*ahem*” Right, right. Gali simply MOVED the water away from Onua’s head, creating an air bubble. Toa of Water can do that you know, they just don’t use it much as it’s EXHAUSTING. Don’t believe me? Have YOU created an air bubble around somebody’s head? If you have, please send a message to areyousickofthisgagyet@yahu.com. “Whew. That was close.” “I’ll say. You’re heavier than a one-ton weight.” “I am not one tonne! I’ll have you know I’m 0.9.” “Let’s compromise and say 0.95.” “NEVER!” “Never mind, we have more pressing issues to worry about.” “Such as what?” “This air bubble around your head is EXHAUSTING me. I… can’t do it forever…” HOW WILL OUR HEROES GET OUT OF THIS ONE TUNE IN WHENEVER I FEEL ABOUT WRITING ABOUT THIS SUBPLOT TO FIND OUT SEND YOUR FAN MAIL TO BIONICLE2001ABRIDGEDATYAHUDOTCOM

Part 34: I Spy With my Little Eye Something Beginning With P “Well those two were easy. I’ve got half already!” “Thank you, Captain Obvious.” “Yahu, my name is Pohatu.” “What? My name is Tahu.” “Yes and I suppose my name IS Obvious, Yahu.” “It’s not and stop that!” “Stop what?” “Mispronouncing my name!” “But it’s FUNNY.” “It’s Tahu!” “Yes but if you replace the T with a Y it becomes Yahu. Yahu! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. You’re an E-Mail service.” Keep the 4th Wall jokes to a minimum, please. “Sorry, oh almighty and powerful Toru Nui (sarcasm). Now, Yahu, what do you want to do nex-HEY! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY TEXT?! IT’S PINK?! WHY-Oh hahaha very funny. NOW GIVE ME BACK MY SADDLE BROWN! My glorious, precious brow-THIS IS REGULAR BROWN YOU MORON! THIS IS THE COLOUR MAKUTA USES! OK, Now… I can’t see it anymore, is it white? Its white isn’t it? Hey, since they can’t see white text on a white background, I can say anything I want and get away with it! HERO FACTORY IS BETTER THAN BION-Oh… I-I-I-I-I-I-I-FORGIVE ME OH OVER-EMOTIONAL BIGOTS OF THE INTERNET!!!” “Loopy fruitloop.” “Shut up. Where were we?” A stage hand gave Pohatu the script. “Yes OK, OK, I’ve got it! I didn’t need this.” The stage hand took back the script. Pohatu made a rude gesture behind his back. “Now, Yahu, what do you want to do next?” “…How about we play a game to pass the time? I don’t know any, but we could make one…” “Here’s one Gali taught me, she learned it from the Ga-Matoran: I Spy.” “How does that work?” “I spy with my little eye, something beginning with S. Now you have to guess what I saw.” “Sand?” “Good. Now, I spy with my little eye-“ “Do you need to say that EVERY time?” “Gali never said that, but I think we don’t HAVE to. Something beginning with Y.” “Yellow? As in the sand?” “Nope, that’s uh… sand. Sand is sand. The colour of sand is sand.” “I give up then.” “A Yahoo!” “YOU SON OF A-“ Quiet. THE ANSWER IS POST

Part 33: A Judge Judges, a Prosecutor Prosecutes, a Witness Witnesses and a Defendant Wets Himself “Read the charges.” “Turaga Onewa, you are accused of attempting to invade local Koro, Ta-Koro, breaking our eternal peace with one another. How do you plead?” “I plead that you actually think what you have to say matters, or you are all wasting my time.” “Hear hear!” “WE HEARD IT AND WE DON’T GIVE A BRAKAS’ RECTUM!” “I refuse to believe that’s a common saying.” “Silence. Order in the court.” “This is the middle of an underground courtyard. Not a court.” “It is if you take away the yard from the court.” “THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE!” “YES IT DOES!” “My client is right!” “Hear hear!” “That’s Turaga to you!” “SHUT IT!” “Order, order. The prosecution will make its opening statement.” “Do I need to be here? THEY’RE GUILTY!” “We KNOW.” “NO YOU DON’T!” “Hear hear!” “FOR SOMEONE WHO SAYS HEAR A LOT YOU CERTAINLY DON’T!” “I heard him.” “THAT'S NOT WHAT I-The prosecution would like to strangle the defense.” “Granted.” “OBJECTION! I-ACK! Can’t… BREATHE!…” “Overruled.” “I OBJECT!” “You would.” “Shut it purple-face!” “Hear hear!” “STOP SAYING THAT!” “Order, order and furthermore order. The defense shall begin their opening statement. You need to let go of him now Nuparu.” “Fine.” “*gasp*” “Hear hear!” “*grumble*” “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury…” “We’re all men!” “Well excuse me princess! Now where was I, oh yes, I-“ “I object to the defense calling the jury princesses! They’re all pathetic peasants.” “PATHETIC?!” “I was being SARCASTIC!” “Hear hear!” “I KNOW! I’M OBJECTING TO YOU BEING SARCASTIC AND IF THAT MORON SAYS ONE MORE WORD I’LL STONE HIM TO DEATH! Matoran of Stone, all the same.” “WE ARE NOT PATHETIC! IS NEEDING LIGHT TO SEE PATHETIC? THAT’S A COMMON NEED! Something our beloved Turaga fails to SEE himself. Karzahni he actually tried to TRAP us in our workplace to FORCE us to work! This trial is a sham! A cover-up to hide his crimes against innocent strikers! A CONSPIRACY! WE-“ “Shut up, just-just SHUT UP Tehutti… *sob*” “Great. You made Taipu cry. This is going to be a very long trial.” WHENUA IS THE JUDGE ONEWA IS THE DEFENDANT NUPARU IS THE PROSECUTION PEKKA IS THE DEFENSE TAIPU AND TEHUTTI ARE THE JURY ONEPU IS THE BAILIFF HEWKII IS THE JERK IN THE BACKGROUND

Part 32: Fun With Words Gali and Onua finally made it to Ga-Wahi. Specifically the stormy rainy part of Ga-Wahi. They hid their boat among some rocks and started moving along. “Well I guess that sea monster used up its mileage.” “It was a living being.” “Well it was also a monster. As in “monster truck”. Ay? Ay?” “That’s not funny.” “…No sense of humour.” A large spire of rocks then fell over and almost crushed them. “That was close. So, how about YOU tell a joke?” Another fell down, right behind them. “Two people walk into a bar; you would have thought the second one would have ducked.” “…I don’t get it.” They walked over yet another pillar of rocks that had fallen down a few seconds ago. “It’s not a bar, where you drink, it’s an actual bar. Barring any other definitions of bar.” “You’re a bar-I mean bore.” “YOU’RE BEGINNING TO BORE ME TOA. ALRIGHT, STOP PUSHING THE PILLARS OVER, I’VE GOT A BETTER IDEA.” A Fikou then came out of the ground. They were the ones pushing the pillars over. Then more came out. And more. And more. AND MORE. “Uh oh.” “…98, 99… 100. WE’RE DOOMED.” “I’M NOT GOING TO BUTTER THIS UP; YOU MAY HAVE TO BATTER UP, MY FIKOU WILL RIP OUT YOUR BLADDER, COMPARED TO BEING CRUSHED THAT’S BADDER! HAKAKAHAHAKAKAKKAAHAHHAHAHAKKAKAKAH!” BUTTER BATTER BLADDER BADDER HE MISSED OUT BLASTER

Part 31: Smooth Criminal “Oh come on, just a teeny little bit of credit?” “No.” “I’ll say you helped!” “No!” “What about-“ “No, no and no!” “FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFine…” … … … … … “So… how did you find your first mask?” “I fell over it.” “Oh don’t act so modest, I mean, you don’t just FALL over-OOF!” Pohatu fell over a mask. “You were saying?” “I hate you already.” He picked the mask behind him and they went on. Three miles later they came across a stone formation in the shape on an arch. Using the powers of the Mask of X-Ray Vision, Tahu saw that inside the arch was a mask. “OK, can you break this down?” “Hmph. Can I?” “…Well can y-“ “YES!” Pohatu walked along, shaking the ground as he went. He kicked a small boulder towards the arch. It rebounded off the sides of the arch, until it fell beside Pohatu. “Well that did nothing.” “You might want to step back.” Pohatu then did a Michael Jackson moonwalk. The arch then crumbled. “…That was just showing off.” YOUVE BEEN HIT BY YOUVE BEEN HIT BY YOUVE BEEN HIT BY

Part 30: Who Disturbed the Legions of Doom? The creature lunged forward and managed to swallow the turbine of Gali’s and Onua’s boat. “We’ve lost engine 1!” “…We only have one engine. And that was the turbine.” “I know. I just wanted to say that.” “I suppose engine 2 is no longer on fire…” Meanwhile, Takua and Hafu were caved in inside the Po-Wahi tunnel that led to Onu-Koro. “This is your fault!” “It is not my, Hafu’s fault, it is yours!” “I couldn’t agree more.” Suddenly Hahli leapt out of the shadows and pinned down Takua and started punching him. Again. “YOU. DIRTY. LITTLE. THIEF!” “We-OW-are-OW-the-OW!-same-OW-SIZE!!!-OW!” “Left hook! Right to the jaw I, Hafu say!” “SHUT-OW!-UP!” “YOU. SHUT. UP!” Suddenly a Kofu-Jaga leapt out from under the ground and pinned Hafu to the ground. SCREECH! Kofu-Jaga are not to be confused with Nui-Jaga. While similar in shape, the Kofu is smaller than the Nui and has different colours. “Well Turaga, I activated the tunnel-destruct.” “Excellent work.” Suddenly there was knocking on the door. “The Guildmasters are here. And at the worst possible time.” “IT’S NOT THE GUILDMASTERS YOU OLD FOOL! IT’S ME!” “It is worse. Let him in.” Onepu opened the door and let Nuparu in. “YOU IMBECILES! YOU BLOATED IDIOTS!” “Now hang on tinkerer, you’re talking to the Tura-“ Nuparu grabbed Onepu by the throat and pinned him against the wall. “Listen to me. You brainless spineless worm.” “Kindly put Onepu down, Nuparu.” He did so and started stomping towards Whenua. “I’ve told you. I told you before. If I told you once I’ve told you a thousand times, THE DESTRUCT BUTTON IS NOT TO BE PRESSED IF YOU VALUE THE LIVES OF EVERYONE IN ONU-KORO!!!” Meanwhile (yet again)… “Well, what did I tell you?” “I wasn’t arguing Turaga!” “Whenua blew the tunnel charges. Now we’re trapped in here, until either he or Vakama digs us out and we’ll have to explain ourselves.” “You mean YOU will explain yourself.” “What?” “This was your plan, wasn’t it?” “YOU’LL GET DONE IN TOO FOR BEING ACCOMPLICES! YOU ALL WILL!!!” “Not if we say we were blackmailed.” “You were blackmailed by an OLD MAN?” … … … … … “…So about our explanation…” Hordes of Kofu-Jaga started bursting out of the wall, floor and ceiling. “IT CAN WAIT, CAN IT?!” “YES IT CERTAINLY CAN!!!” SCREECH! SCREECH!! SCREECH!!! “I do not understand what you are getting so worked up about.” “I told you all of this BEFORE! The destruction of the tunnels would disturb the underground nests of Kofu-Jaga! WE’RE DOOMED! DOOMED! DOOMED I TELL YOU! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMEED!!!” “You are over-reacting Nuparu…” “AND YOU ARE UNDER-REACTING!!!” “To be honest, that’s probably the only noticeable personality traits you two have.” “Shut up.” “SHUT UP!!!” “Told you so.” The Kofu-Jaga started chewing on Hafu’s mask, getting slobber all over it, until Hahli kicked it away a few yards. This ticked off the other Jaga standing behind her. SCREECH! “LISTEN TO ME!!!” “It’s kind of hard not to when you’re constantly yelling everything…” “I HEARD THAT!!!” “Of course you did. I heard it too.” “NOBODY CARES!” “Well I care.” “SHUT UP THE KARZAHNI UP, YOU MISERABLE SPIRIAH OF A SOLDIER!!! There may be a way to fix this!” “I agree. Blame Onepu.” “What?!” “You were the one who pressed the destruct button.” “On your orders, oh wise and benevolent Turaga.” “YOU’RE BOTH TO BLAME, SHUT UP!” “You were the one who built the destruct button.” “On your orders, oh wise and-“ “SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!” Then the Guildmasters came in. One of them opened his mouth to speak. “Let me guess. You are going to ask whether or not this is a bad time to discuss the current issues facing our beloved city.” The Guildmasters nodded. “GET OUT YOU FEEBLE USELESS POLITICIANS! OUT! OUT! OUT! Before I knock you silly!” They did so. Meanwhile… “They outnumber us sir!” SCREECH! “I DON’T GIVE A BRAKAS’ RECTUM!” “That’s disgusting.” “SHUT IT!” Meanwhile… “AH!!! GET IT OFF ME, HAFU!” “I’M NOT HAFU I’M HAHLI-OW!” “OW!-HE HAS AN IRRITATING HABIT OF REFERRING TO HIMSELF IN THE THIRD-PERSON!” “AT LEAST HE’S NOT A KLEPTOMANIAC! LIKE YOU!” “I, Hafu will have you know I, Hafu am an EGOmaniac.” “I AM NOT A KLEPTOMANIAC!!!” Meanwhi-you know the procedure. “The Jaga are frightened by loud noises. If we yell over the loudspeaker (which still should be connected in each tunnel) we can repel the Jaga back to their nests!” “What if this doesn’t work?” “ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY GENIUS?!” “*whimper* …N-n-no…” “THEN LET US BEGIN!” “Here. Speak into this microphone; I’ve turned the volume to maximum. And hurry. The Guildmasters are being harassed by the Jaga.” “Isn’t that a good thing?” “From my perspective, yes. From a moral perspective, no.” “*deep breath*” EDITOR’S NOTE: What Nuparu screamed over the microphone is so loud; we cannot begin to describe it or write it. So, while you try to imagine just how loud it truly was, watch this short film: “Could the man have been any louder?” NO NO HE COULD NOT

Part 29: Ever Notice We Focus on the Villains More Than We Should? Good, Me Neither It’s hard to see underwater when you’ve just been dragged down, but only for a few seconds. This is what happened to Gali, before she suddenly began to regain vision. There was an unbearable pain in her right leg. Firing a blast of scalding hot water at the creature biting at it, she was able to escape. “NOT AMUSED. NOT AMUSED AT ALL.” “Atall? Who is atall?” “HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?” “I remember the password, P, A, S, S, W, O-“ “DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? YOU’RE FIRED! AWAY, BEFORE I MAKE MINCEMEAT OF YOU.” “That sounds delicious…” “WHAT!?” “I would like this feeble piece of meat for dinner tonight, father.” Meanwhile, Gali leapt out of the water and back onto the boat. “Quick, start the boat!” “I told you, neither of us knows how!” “Try pressing the switch that says STARTER.” “Oh.” Onua did so, and they sped off towards the Ga-Wahi coastline. Without Makuta’s guidance (you know, since he was dealing with the idiot) the sea monster was disorientated, but nonetheless went after the boat anyway. “ARE YOU HIGH?” “I’m only level three.” “OH… GET OFF HIM.” “Yes, my father.” A slug-like creature leapt off the back of Ahkmou’s leg. Suddenly he had the biomechanical equivalent of a hangover. “Ohhh…” “WHY ARE YOU HERE?” The monster rose to the surface and started trying to take bites out of the boat but missed each time, because Onua was trying (trying being the key word here) to steer. “I came to… ugh…” “YOU’RE FIRED, REMEMBER?!” “What?! You can’t fire me, I quit!” “NO, THERE’S NOTHING FOR YOU TO QUIT FROM!” “So I’m NOT fired then?” “YES YOU ARE!” “Then I quit!” “YOU CAN’T QUIT BECAUSE I’VE ALREADY FIRED YOU!” “Not yet you haven’t. You haven’t presented a pink slip, or given a reason to fire me. This is firing 101 here.” “…ARE YOU REALLY THIS STUPID? PINK SLIPS? WHY WOULD I HAVE SOMETHING PINK? I’M TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE UNIVERSE!!!” “So?” “I’M GOING TO KILL YOU UNLESS YOU LEAVE WITHIN THE NEXT FIVE SECONDS.” “Look, I know I screwed up! Give me one more chance, please?” “FINE. YOU WILL STOP THE TOA FROM RETRIEVING THE GOLDEN MASKS. NON-LETHALLY.” “Whew! Thank you! You truly are merciful!” “OH I BET YOU SAY THAT TO ALL THE LUNATICS YOU KNOW.” IF YOU ARE READING THIS IN ENGLISH AND NOT THE MATORAN LANGUAGE IT MEANS YOU ARE CHEATING DOWNLOAD THE MATORAN FONT FROM www.fonts2u.com/matoran.font AND DONT COME BACK UNTIL YOU HAVE ONLY THEN CAN YOU REGAIN YOUR HONOUR REPROBATES

Part 28: In Which Bad Stuff Happens Turaga Onewa led an army of Po-Matoran into the central hub of Onu-Koro. “HALT! Who goes there?” “Us.” “Who?” “US!” “WHO?” “YOU KNOW WHO WE ARE!” “Yes, but I need to know who goes there?” “US!!!” “YES BUT WHO?!” “Oh for the love of-we are Po-Matoran, we are making a mass trade to Ta-Koro.” “What are you trading?” “…Is that not obvious?” For context, all the Po-Matoran are carrying weapons. “Very well. You are free to enter the Ta-Koro tunnel. I will inform Turaga Whenua.” The Po-Matoran marched off towards the tunnel that led to Ta-Koro. “OK, we have to hurry.” “Why?” “Whenua will probably deduce that we are assaulting Ta-Koro and will probably try to blow up the tunnel. Probably.” Meanwhile, Takua and Hafu entered the Onu-Koro tunnel in Po-Wahi. “YES! We, Hafu and whatsyourname have-“ “I KNOW! I CAN SEE! SHUT THE KARZAHNI UP!” Meanwhile… (again) “Turaga, Onewa and a large host of Po-Matoran-“ “Host?” “-just entered the Ta-Koro tunnel. They said they were trading weapons.” “Onewa never goes on any Po-Koro business ventures. He is too lazy for that. This is no trade. It is a war.” “WAR?!” “That is what I said, you mentally challenged purple berry. Prepare the tunnels for emergency demolition. Detonate the charges.” “Sir, that would destroy all the tunnels-“ “There is no time.” Meanwhile… (again (again)) “I don’t know but I’ve been told…” “I don’t know but I’ve been told…” “Ko-Wahi is super cold…” “Ko-Wahi is super cold…” Meanwhile… (again (again again))) Onepu rushed into Nuparu’s hut, the home of the local inventor. He wasn’t in at the moment, so he helped himself to the Tunnel-Destruct button in the middle of his desk. BOOM! “I don’t know but it’s been said-“ The way in front of them collapsed, as did the way behind them. The same thing happened to Takua, Hafu and Hahli as she chased after them, and to the workers in the unfinished Le-Wahi tunnel. They were trapped. One good thing happened though. The tremors caused by the destruction of the tunnels shook the ground throughout the island, toppling the Sand Tarakava that was harassing Tahu and Pohatu over. “SON OF A-“ Quiet. Tahu got off Pohatu, and Pohatu got off Tahu. “…I’m taking credit for that.” “Not a chance.” NO CHANCE NO CHANCE IN KARZAHNI YOU GOT NO CHANCE NO CHANCE IN KARZAHNI YOU GOT NO CHANCE NO CHANCE IN KARZAHNI

Part 27: War Is Pointless, Case In Point “Ugh… my head… it’s as if a train came through one end, and then came out the other.” “I, Hafu can tell that is not true. I, Hafu was watching you the whole time and no train went through your cranium.” “OH MATA NUI DON'T LEAVE ME AT THE MERCY OF THIS CRAZY INSUFFERABLE NARCISSISTIC BOZO! HAVE MERCY UPON ME AND PUT ME AT YOUR MERCY, OR BETTER YET MY OWN! *sob*” “He cannot hear you. He’s asleep, remember?” “Where am I?” “Well, Onewa assigned me, Hafu to guard you while he goes to conquer Ta-Koro travelling through the Onu-Matoran tunnels, and since I, Hafu terribly behind schedule on the road signs after building the Toa a boat, I, Haf-oh dear.” “Oh so NOW you realized that you’ve brought me to your place of work, in the middle of desert where everyone can see, and didn’t even bother to restrain me in any way, shape or form?” “Not that (although that is a good point).” “Then what is it then?” “Onewa called the plan to attack the Ta-Matoran the Final Solution. The Toa are the penultimate solution.” “So?” Hafu grabbed Takua by the throat and started shaking him. “THE TURAGA DOESN’T KNOW THAT THE TOA HAVE ARRIVED! I, HAFU FORGOT TO TELL HIM! IF THE TOA HAVE COME, THEN THERE IS NO NEED TO ATTACK TA-KORO! We, Hafu and whatsyourname have to warn him immediately!” Hafu put Takua down and started running towards the entrance to Onu-Koro. “OK… Just… Five minutes… So I can get my grip on reality back…” Hafu came back. “What is this thing you call, reality?” “I thought it might be an abstract concept to you.” HE DOES NOT MINCE HIS WORDS DOES HE HE BETTER SHUT UP OR HAFU WILL MAKE MINCEMEAT OF HIM

Part 26: Just When You Thought They Were Going Out on the Water Meanwhile, Gali and Onua were preparing to venture of towards Ga-Wahi. There was just one problem- “Neither of us knows how to use this, do we?” “Well I was about to read a manual on boating after I finished the one describing our destiny and the whole Golden Masks thing, but I decided to do something else instead.” “What was that?” “MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!” “Oh PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IT WAS?!” Daww.... “Fine. It was a manual on MINDING YOUR OWN BUSINESS!” “Hmph.” “Seriously, that’s what it said. It gave instructions on how to manage a business.” “Alright, alright. So, we can’t sail to Ga-Wahi, and we can’t go through the Lands of Shadow.” “Rahi Zones.” “Whatever. *sigh*. We’ll go to Onu-Wahi and search for your masks instead.” “There’s an elevator in Onu-Koro that leads to the surface. We can get to Onu-Wahi from there. The problem is the whole of Onu-Wahi is a Rahi Zone. No Onu-Matoran has stood on the surface for year.” “Where did you learn that?” “Why Going To The Surface Is A Dumb Idea: The Book.” “…Of course. Well, we better get going then.” “One problem.” “What?” “We’ve drifted out to sea while we’ve been talking.” “…Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?” “I didn’t want to interrupt you.” “You didn’t want to-fine. Fine. I’ll just get out, and push the boat back to the shore.” Gali leapt into the water and tried to push the boat against the current, only to find it was far too big and heavy for her. “It’s no use!” “SHUT UP!” “I’m just pointing out the obvious.” “I was really angered by that and… I don’t know why. Except the fact that perhaps I’m blue…” “What do you mean, perhaps? YOU ARE BLUE!” “I KNOW!” “THEN WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?” “I DON’T KNOW! YOU STARTED IT!” “I DID NOT!” “DON’T START THIS AGAI-“ Gali was then suddenly pulled underwater by… something. “…Oh dear.” DUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUN

Part 25: Are We There Yet? Tahu and Pohatu started scouring the desert for the Great Masks. “Have you found one?” “No.” “Now?” “NO.” “Now?” “NO!” “Now?” “NO!!!” … … … … … “…Now?” “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-“ “OK, OK, sheesh. So you’ve got lungs.” “OF COURSE I HAVE LUNGS! YOU HAVE LUNGS!” “Well, not complete lungs.” “What?” “When I was coming together after I came out of my canister, my lungs were exposed, and a bird… took a bite out of them.” “…That’s disgusting!” “I KNOW, right? The only reason I’m still alive is because it was a small bird, and thus only had room for a nibble.” “…That’s still disgusting.” “I’m not disagreeing with you, I’m saying-ARGH!” Pohatu fell into a crack because he wasn’t looking at where he was going. “OW.” “WOW.” “No, OW. Because I’m in pain.” “I was saying WOW because I was astonished at how you managed to fall in there-DON’T MOVE.” “ME TOO.” HISS! “…There’s something bad behind me isn’t there?” BONK! Pohatu was propelled through the air by the blow of a Sand Tarakava. “MORON.” Tahu leapt into the crack and ignited his Fire Sword. BONK! Tahu joined Pohatu. “SCRATCH THAT. MORONS. PLURAL.” LOOK UP POHATUS ARRIVAL FOR THE FULL STORY OF POHATUS LUNGS