Never thought that she'd be gone forever in a year's cycle.
And the drink continues to turn to ash...
~AA
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Arch-Angel
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Blog Entries posted by Arch-Angel
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November 18th, 2007.
Never thought that she'd be gone forever in a year's cycle.
And the drink continues to turn to ash...
~AA
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Those of you that read my blog know me well enough that... I'm crazy, I'm stupid, and heck, I'm so much of both, I'm a Grade-B genius at it.
Don't understand what I'm talking about?
Here ya go.
Oh, and more recently...
I really want to just pull off something so incredibly stupid, its mind-bottling amazing!
Thats right, mind-bottling.
When all your thoughts are trapped and mixed up, like in a bottle...
Well, though I miss my crazy stupid days, can't do much (or anything for that matter) in a school wherea teacher could pop up at any corner...
Holding in "Crazy Stupid"...
P.S.
Trying to find Song of the Day...
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The Blog of the Week 54 attempt is right around the corner. Today is 53, and I plan to take the Award for the first week of 2008 (hopefully my streak of luck on the first week is better than usual.
I told you about my attempt here first. I'm still going for it.
With that, I plan to make the next week as interesting for this blog and its readers as much as possible.
Also, I'm doing a little remodeling as you can see. Though the Yin Yang Symbol at the top of all the content blocks bothers me intensely. I know its my theme, how my life goes for bad to good and good to bad, but its still a symbol of a religion. My beliefs don't stick to that religion. I'm a Christian, and I'm proud of it. I may not have gone to church in a long while (since my move back in late Oct.) but I still have the Holy Spirit of God in me. So I ask the Blog Assistants or Leader(s?) reading this if I could replace it with a Jesus Fish, Dove, or anything (not a cross). Its all I ask. I want to earn the Blog of the Week, but this means more to me than that.
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September 4th, 2007. 45th anniversary of my Father's birth
The title told you. That's right, Sept. 4th marks the day my father birthday, the one who has ruined my good run.
The man who has made me emotionally distraught.
The man who has taken care of me since I was a baby.
The man who destroyed the family who stood strong through everything else.
The man who I joked with even until now, plus go to movies, buy things, etc.
The man who used to come home tired and angry after work, taking it out on me and my sis.
The man who...
Made me a man.
Through all the pain, I still love my Father. No matter how much I'd love to cherish the moment, if I get it, of me kicking him in between the leg with a good kick, though the many chances I could, I didn't.
It pains me.
What's worst is that the kid that taunted me in te 8th grade for being a Christian and left for a vocational school came back.
And my oh my, I was looking at his neck, thinking only how a choke slam could set him straight. A Fireman's Takeover. A Stone Cold Stunner. A hard left punch. A gut wrencher.
Anything.
But something tells me that'll come soon, if he continues...
And how that'll turn out, I know only half of.
Holding in my anger,
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Sabado is Saturday in portuguese.
Today marks the day my dad said he'd get my sister what she wanted when she was a little kid. Everytime she asked, he'd not only deny her, he'd insult her. Sure, it was a joke. To him. She always remembered.
She texted me from Brazil asking me what dad's cell number is. They don't keep in contact much.
I gave it to her.
He should be crying right now like he was last year.
Why?
He made a promise he couldn't keep.
Like the same promise twenty-one years ago at the altar with my mother.
A promise he couldn't keep.
To have and to hold, from that day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do them part.
Hallelujah Saturday holds many sorrows.
~AA
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I'm practically counting down the hours I return home and wait to talk to Bionigirl offically for the first time this year.
In fact, I'm risking it by going on AIM Express right now just to talk to her.
Alright, she may not be on, but thats alright. As long as I'll talk to her sometime soon.
This week in school, we're reviewing for the mid-term exams which are next week. Of course my memory is blank of all things Biology, though I'm thankful to still have history still in me.
Well everyone, I'm in school so now its time for 'In Other News'!
In other news...
no news.
Study over.
Bye...
~AA
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Hope you have a great one. Sorry I didn't call you, mom wanted to see if we could have dinner together (her paying). I think she's getting around to forgiving you, 'cause she wants to stop calling you different names like 'the Jay Ay Arr Kay' and all.
What are you, like 44 now? I dunno, you keep joking about how you've been 38 for an x amount of years. 39 in this case? I haven't a clue.
Its been a month and a half since the whole... thing.
Well, maybe Christmas I'll see you. Maybe never at all. Maybe until the day I stand over your body as it lays in the coffin, or you stand over mine. Whatever God plans out. It won't be a happy day; surely I'll be angry and bitter, but not for what you have done, but for the fact we couldn't spend the last years of our lives in good terms, as friends, as family, as a father and son.
*sigh*
I'd buy you a Pepsi with the 'buy one get one free' cap, but eh... we kinda...
Don't talk.
At all.
Happy birthday dad. Hopefully you'll read this if I die first.
Well, got that off my chest. *sigh* Feel better now.
~AA
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I am proud to inform you all that today is Trogday! This day (or week) marks the 5th year of Trogdor's creation by StrongBad, who isn't trilled because we killed Trogdor like we did with Zombies, Ninjas, Pirates, and StrongBad.
No, I do not know how long it lasts or how long its been going on but bottom line is, its Trogday!
Happy Trogday!
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In health class we started a new unit, a unit I remember from last year.
Stress.
Depression.
Suicide.
We started with stress. The class did a crossword on our vocabulary words to start familiarizing ourselves with them. An activity was done (the whole 'put these ish-load of nails on that one and make it balance' thing) and the class joked around. My friend DeJean and I joked about my recent depression on how I preferably sit alone during lunch, eating my food and reading a book. My health teacher questioned me once, but I denounced her, simply telling her I was fine. I was glad to humble myself. I enjoy it very much, but only when I do it and if I give you permission, otherwise expect a backhand. We did a worksheet survey something-of-the-sort as it asked us all the many things one would have happen to them that seemed either normal or abnormal. N stood for normal and A stood for abnormal. For example:
"You cannot enter a classroom without counting to one hundred. _A_"
"You have trouble sleeping because you worry about passing your math exam the next day. _N_"
As soon as we get to:
"Every once in a while you get to feeling so low that you wonder if life is worth living. ___"
DeJean looks up from his paper and says, "Hey Jon, I don't have to worry about number 19, right?" He laughed.
I cracked a smile and let a chuckle out, in sincerity. I didn't answer him. God forbid I have to talk to a counselor or a social worker or a psychologist if I answered.
The loudspeaker went on and the secretary announce Mr. Welch, or Head Principal (there's a principal for each grade) had an announcement to make. We wondered what could've been so important to have us stop class. "Did 9/11 happen again?" was the first thought in everyone's mind in school, I guarantee that. The second was, "Did another student get stabbed in the butt?"
We turned on the TV and onto the school local channel, Mr. Welch sitting at the risen table where our homeroom news came from.
The room was silent. Shock mostly. Every mind was trying to search who try to find out who this person was and if one of us knew him. We waited for one of us to get up and walk out the door, as Mr. Welch said that there were counselors, social workers, and psychologists standing by for any students wanting help coping with this news. A room full of sophomores, no one got up, I being a Sophomore-Junior, had the highest chance of knowing the guy, but even now looking at the picture he doesn't ring a bell. But the presence of death was there; the feel of a life gone of our world put a hole in us for a moment. The room was silent of voices only at this point, after a couple minutes passed. Everyone started packing up their things, as if no one wasn't paying attention to the clock in the first place. But as the final minute rolled, mutters and small talk started, but no laughter, harmless insults, or humorous comebacks were made. The bell rang first the end of first period, and we went on our way. I nearly chuckled when I remembered what my next class was.
Biology, the study of life.
During lunch period, friends of my algebra class came by and the topic of the tragic news came about. I was offended at the complete assumption that the driver was drunk. At the time, we had no idea about the fourth member of the car or whether or not Jamoan was the driver. We only knew that supposedly he was the driver and gave no mind of the other two. They all questioned the logic of driving drunk, which I quickly stepped in. I told them that they shouldn't have assumed that he was drunk, for all we know he was distracted by something or someone for he could've possibly been as against alcohol as I am. They shut down the drunk driving thought immediately, when I only came to realize hours ago that I should've drove the stake in the heart and told them immediately how disrespectful it was to think that; think of a cause of death through the thought that he was a lesser man than themselves. The news we were given didn't so much mention alcohol other than "police are not sure whether or not alcohol played a role" but still.
Jamoan, I most likely don't know you, but I promise you, I'll defend your name to any and all faces unless proven otherwise. You will not pass a man thought of less, but a man thought of equal, unless proven otherwise. If you did drink alcohol and were the driver of that car, I shall shake off my defense and let your soul carry on, for others control their tongues and their thoughts, but as of this moment, you are still an equal, and you will be defended as one.
I came back home from work a half-hour ago. The minute my mother parked the Explorer, her friend calls.
Immigration got one of our friends.
EDIT:
*sigh*
Can't believe I forgot to tell this...
My friend, Lee Anne, she's an epileptic. She has seizures often.
This morning, she was in class and complained about how she couldn't see out of her right eye, and the right side of her body was practially failing on her. She went down to the nurse and was soon taken to the hospital. Please give her prayer.
~AA
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I'm sitting here in a school Library with AM Collaberation, which means school offically starts Lord knows when.
Though, this has me a little steamed like the veggies I don't eat.
I noticed the pathedic way we mimic the unexpericenced, txt talking members.
AKA, noobs and newbs.
The statements are the first factor.
If you're gonna make fun of them, then do it correctly.
A noob/newb doesnot take his finger off the shift momentarily. For example.
!!111!1!
I was a noob. and from that, I know how its done.
!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
That indicates that the shift was released before the one, telling us the member didn't look over his work and is somewhat inexpericenced with the keyboard.
Next, the caps.
Noobs/Newbs only hit that cap lock or keep the shift down when angry or excited. Calm and normal mood doesn't bother with punctuation or correct capitalization.
REALY LIKE THE NEWVA~! GREGF IS THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
Sometimes the one is pressed longer. The ~ in the above statement was by my own mistake, though the fact that it was a mistake was why I left it.
Noobs/Newbs make mistakes. Grammar and spelling mistakes.
If you're gonna make fun of them, do it right.
Ya noob.
Oh, and I got the taste of bad milk in my mouth. Should've seen that coming this morning... <.<
~AA
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NOTE: Suggestions of 'Song of the Day' are much obliged, so if you have a song thats clean or mostly clean of swears and/or profanity (rap/Hip-Hop/R&B allowed of course), than PM it, and it might become 'Song of the Day'. INCLUDE WHY YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE SotD.
Come on people, I know you know that you have songs for this blog. Necro has been a real big help in this.
Sunshine of your Love by Cream
~AA
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He's a lucky man,
More than you know,
Promised to be true,
Never to let go,
Seems so simple to comprehend,
But why is this message so hard to send?
I barely know you,
Can't pronounce your last name,
But dang it girl believe me,
The feeling has remained.
They say the eyes are a portal to the soul,
You look into mine,
I carry a gaping hole,
But looking into yours,
I start feeling whole.
Blue as the Lord could possibly make,
Your eyes are perfect, not one mistake,
And at the sight of you, my heart quakes.
How could you possess such a man?
A simple glance from you,
I turn to sand.
I won't call it love, that's just insane,
Tomorrow morning, I hope the feeling's not the same,
But I know it will, that is true,
And I'll ask myself again why I carry,
such attraction to you.
~AA
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I have been known in my school for...
Playing jokes.
Quite a few.
Its tradition.
Well, usually, at the end of each year, I pull a prank for the enjoyment of others. Last year was noteable, but not good. Basically threw a basketball into my Physics Class (got a 30 in the class anyways), and biked into the cafeteria.
Trust me, as much as it sounds cool, it really isn't.
In the 8th grade, in which it all started, we went to an Island off the coast of Boston called 'George's Island', and if you look at the map, I jumped into the Pier.
Yes. And the excuse was that someone threw my fashlight in the water, and went to retrieve it. It was meant to be an excuse of stupidity, in which it worked. I got 30 bucks (out of a claimed 100) and fame up 'til this day. Today, I imagine many 'What If' ideas. Like,"What if I had other people dive in with me?" or,"Why didn't I run back to the island ground, sprint to the Pier, and do a front flip?"
I was laughing into my pillow two nights ago when I thought of the front flip.
Anyways...
This year, I am moving away. People are counting on me to make it good. I either hose down the 'Model Preps' with soda, run around in a monkey suit in the cafe (which obtaining the Monkey Suit would be a problem) or run in my Biology Class wearing a Halloween mask dancing and do "Crank That Souija Boi!" then Silly String them(mind you, I will be wearing running shoes), or Diet Coke and Mentos Geyser (which could backfire easily if it doesn't go off).
1. Hose down Model Preps
2. Monkey Suit (very unlikey)
3. Halloween, Crank That Souija Boy, Trick or Treat, Silly String (I like it, but not wide spread prank for everyone)
4. Diet Coke and Mentos Geyser in Cafe
You decide! And be quick! You have until Monday!!!
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Hey Guys!
By Arch-Angel,
I'm backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.
~AA
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Whatever path God wants me to take, I won't have much of a choice but to take it...
Because I might be expelled.
Just...
A lot of prayer please. Its hard to laugh or smile without some love.
~AA
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You must have a good reason to love me. I mean, this blog, my scary images, my birthday gifts, my girlfriend (yeah, be jealous, she's mine), the Song of the Day, being a future WWE Superstar...
Did I mention scary pics?
So, I call out both those who hate me and those who love me!
What about the Pope during Christmas time?
Show me the love!
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Home.
By Arch-Angel,
Don't worry guys, I'm back and I'm staying. Thank Da Mista Mike for the lifetime. I owe him a lot for the 35 bucks, so that's why when I meet him I'm buyin' him lunch.
How long has it been? Two months today? It's been a while.
A long, painful while.
A few weeks after I lost my last premier membership, I found out something that brought me down like the twin towers.
I remember that sad night weeks ago... I just got back home from hanging out with my sister who through her deception and manipulation got me to go to the salon with her because she hates going anywhere (except work) alone. The salon was downtown, so everything was basically right next to each other. Outside the window I saw a band getting ready to perform in the auditorium across the street, and when I saw them go inside the pizza place next door, I decided to meet them. They are called 'Red Car Wire' and once coming back home and going to their website, I was frustrated because they were great and I could've befriended Davey, the lead vocals, and maybe have gotten in for free (hey, I'm broke, what can I say?).
I came back home and after my sister leaves for church (it's a Saturday, though Saturday church? I don't understand that concept, but ah well) so I stay home talking to Taki and hanging out on BZP. My friend's call and they were goofing around at one of their houses and got the crazy idea of me singing to them on the phone. Me, being me, went ahead to sing what songs I could remember. Yes, I did rickroll them. I have a deep voice, so I thought I could sing it well.
An hour or two later, I could tell Taki was hiding something from me. He confessed.
Bionigirl made him promise to keep it a secret for as long as he could.
She has cancer, and it's terminal. The treatments have failed.
I was shook to the very bone, my heart sunk to Davy Jones' Locker.
I tried to snap out of my grief, but I couldn't.
I sang to myself in tears streaming down my face, Cancer by My Chemical Romance.
I came into school Monday dressed in my darkest clothing, my pair of sunglasses on me to make my eyes hurt less in the light.
What really hurt was the continuing question:
Was she dead or alive?
I joined Drama Company. They take offense to calling it 'Drama Club' for some reason. It took a while to fix my tongue to calling it a company.
I performed as a scary Hun in the children's play, Mulan. I made many friends, mostly girls, but simply friends.
Unfortunately, at the end of September, I found myself in a Love Triangle.
The props director, Vanessa, is a great girl. A bit melodramatic, but I soon found myself shadowing her life in some way.
Vanessa's first boyfriend back in freshman year started off as a good relationship. Her boyfriend, RJ, seemed like a nice guy.
Turned out he was an abusive ####.
Vanessa was caught victim to him, her heart not knowing what to do during each fight they had. She calls herself stupid for going back to him each time she apologized. This went on for two years, then RJ got cancer.
I call that the Karma Slap.
Unfortunately, of course there was still some bearing love for RJ (and this news was given AFTER the official break-up), she was hurt too.
A year later, my story happened, and she was first person I turned to.
There came another girl in my picture, and that was Aline (A-lean-knee). Short, adorably cute, fun girl who loved my hugs. She called me her teddy bear. Heh.
I could always have fun talking to Aline. She had no tragic past I knew, so she never knew about the whole Bionigirl thing because it was at such a personal level, I allowed only a select few know.
During our five-day weekend, Aline asked me out, which I decided to say yes to for my healing process; get Karley off my mind.
Turned out Vanessa had a thing for me and got angry at Aline, who I forgot to mention, was her best friend.
You see, RJ, back in the day, liked to control Vanessa through jealousy. During one of their short break-ups, RJ went out with Aline (who didn't know about RJ's abuse), and when I accepted Aline, Vanessa was having deja vu.
Somehow it was all cleared away and the whole thing ended by Columbus Day. I basically confessed to Vanessa (who I personally call VV) that I liked her more, Aline and I never went out, and we were all back on the friendship trail.
But something was missing out of the both of them.
I could never confess a sad, personal matter to Aline for I don't know what reason.
I could never hug Vanessa for as long as I wanted, but with Aline, it can be for as long as we wanted to embrace.
The Mulan plays went great. I scared the crud out of little kids in the crowd and I had to literally roar three times in order for my monster of a character to look savage. I also had the pleasure as to picking up the Emperor of China onto my shoulders in a fireman's carry during our seize of the palace. It was pure fun. Acting, to me, never made me smile more inside. Theater was great. After both plays we had dinner parties at (after opening night)UNO's and (after second play, in the afternoon) T.G.I. Friday's. Lots of fun. Sure to stay in my memory, I hope.
For some reason, after almost being rid of the pain of unknown status of Bionigirl, I felt dreadfully horrible. I haven't gone to church in well over three months, and every time I watched Joel Osteen on TV I felt better. It was strange, or was it? I just know that after last Wednesday, I know where to go tomorrow.
Michael W. Smith and Steve Curtis Chapman are on their United Tour. After spending two hours in the auditorium, my mind was flying. The thought of her wouldn't escape me. I tried almost everything. I vented to my best trusted friends, I flirted with girls I had any interest in, I looked for jobs, anything I was willing to do to keep her out of my head.
There was one last thing I didn't try.
Worthy Is The Lamb was being sung.
And I prayed.
Today, I feel good. I'm happy. I'm energetic. I'm at peace. I've got my blog for keeps, I have my friends, I have my music, and best of all, I have my Pepsi- nevermind. Just finished the can.
The story continues, guys.
~AA
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EDIT: Why didn't any of you tell me I wrote 'mentally' as 'metally'? I knew I wrote something wrong...
NOTE: I hate my keyboards. They miss every other letter whenItype. Including thesace button. If grammar andspellng go wrongin this entry, I'll have to re-readitall when ts done.This statement isn't currently being looed at, bu Im slaming o the keys as we seak.
For those of you that have read my blog, you know the emotion I put into it. The thoughts, the humor, the expericences. I've shared with you how I had a descent life at one point and how it all came crashing down starting in between the hours of 1 and 2 AM of January 2nd, 2007. If you just started reading this because of the title, then thats okay. My life story goes with this entry entirely.
On that night, things were rocky. Dad wasn't home. We just came back from a late night showing of 'Night in the Museum' starring the funny Ben Stiller. In my head, I thought things would eventually fall into place where everything would be alrght in a few days. My dad wouldn't be with that woman, my mom wouldn't be sad, there wouldn't be another Christmas without him.
That night would prove to me that I was wrong.
My father came through the door, full head of steam. My sister parked her car in the position so that he couldn't get in the driveway. Again.
He's had enough.
He goes up the stairs, bangs on my sister's door with his angry fists, ready to unleash a storm. He felt disrepected. He was being kept away from his home. The house that he has worked had to get, worked hard to keep.
My sister had a very good arguement to back up her actions against him. He spent Christmas and New Years with this woman and her two kids. He stayed with her after work. He came back home regularly at midnight since the middle of November. He indirectly dropped us.
My mind set wasn't the best. I thought that God would bring this to rest. That He would show my pastor of a father the wrong of his ways. What was doing, what he was losing. I thought of this as short-term drama. I knew little of long-term drama.
I was about to expericence a crash course lesson on the subjects of "Long-Term Drama" and "Unpleasant Life altering expericences".
This entry covers it all.
That was the day I was kicked off my mental placement of life.
I believe that inside, we all have an idea of our placement in life. What we are used to. Who we are with. When life gives you lemon and all. But when your whole thought process is offically punted off the Empire State Building you orginally were on, you fall faster and faster and hits the ground with a heck of an impact. The things you were used to, gone. The day-by-day rountine, changed. Your eyes have opened. Congrats, life has opened your blinded eyes and you offically know what emotional pain looked like.
Now, think of this. When you tell of your expericence and receive the comment, "Well think of the people that have it worse than you. The homeless, the starving children in Africa, etc.'
Has that made you feel better?
It didn't make me.
'Why not?' you might ask yourself, 'Why does that not help whatsoever in making feel better? The people who have the worse life could give?'
Because thats not the case.
The homeless have found ground. They might have been homeless for years. The starving kids in Africa might have been born into this lifestyle, its been their ground, its been their lives.
You have lost the ground beneath your feet. You have lost what you had. In my case, I have never known the emotion surrounded by a divorce.
Now I do.
You see, its not what we expericenced, but how far down the pit we fell.
'Isn't that the same thing?'
No.
I know this girl. A Model Prep. The kind of girl that has had little to no turmoil in her life to change the way see looks at things. Her parents might have been divorced at her young age, but she didn't have the mind-set to care. Her life has ran smooth so far. Wealthy family, expensive clothes, friends just like her, and laughs and proudly makes fun of everyone 'beneath' her. And enough vodka mixed with orange juice in between. Right now, Tom told me that she is getting drunk at a girl's house who has probably bought half the tequila in Mexico. Probably near a toilet bowl right now vomitting. Maybe she's out cold. Who knows? Her way of having fun. Its her placement.
Now.
What if that same girl were to lose everything she has? She has to move into an apartment complex, be in a school with no one like her (doubt it), lose someone as close to her as a sister/brother? No more wealth. No more close contact to friends. No more ground.
Well, then life would've opened her blinded eyes, and offically knows what emotional pain looks like.
Now many of you know exactly what I mean. Some of you have yet to reach this point in life, like that girl.
Now comes the part where you grow.
Finding ground in such a mess in like trying to find a piece of hay in a stack of needles.
The first step is the step back. Look at everything. Review every single memory. The memories of your time when you were fine, before that dreaded day came. Look at that dreaded day. LOOK AT IT. The emotions, the pain, the sorrow, the agony.
Now let it out.
Cry. Sob. Mourn. Pray.
You shouldn't keep it in. Countless will tell you not to hold in the emotions for good reason. Religious content removed. - Nukora
If you have to cry, sob, mourn, or anything, then do it. Let it all out. Shout to the skys, shout to the world. But never keep anything in.
When you do this, you'll know your placement. Its your rock bottom, and you must rise from it.
Find ground.
~AA
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My comments in my past entry was violent and an expression of anger I should have kept to myself. I should of expressed it outside of BZP. I am sorry.
(Bet I ain't gonna make any 'Blog of the Week' 's for that either)
Besides, I should be happy. Things are getting back to normal in my life. Well, not normal, but better. Normal was bad. I should be happy with what I have and not what I want (Revenge).
Again, I am sorry. To Black Six, Kohaku, and the entire forum of 37 Grand Plus members.
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...And ended up with nor'easter last night. And the Plows had enough time over the night to get rid of the chances for a snow day.
...So I wake up late today to purposely miss the bus, but mi madre had other plans. I missed my first two periods of History and Biology, and have only a Study, Spanish 2 (which I'm not even suppose to be in), and Geometry. Geometry was enough for my mom to get me there at 10 AM for those three classes.
Would've started a poem but my teacher suggested I do some work with a partner.
Longest hour (and a half?) of my Friday life.
In other news, I saw a Saturn SL buried in snow and instantly reminded me of Omi. I actually considered cleaning it up for some cash... or proto. (JK )
I'M ON TV, BOI!
On ECW (Extreme Championship Wrestling), I snuck my way to get in the seats in front of the camera. You see my poster going up, down, all around as I try to get it on Live TV. The Poster says "BIG DADDY V HAVE YOU CALLED JENNY YET???" If you want to see me look like a fool on world television, get up to 5 minutes and 44 seconds, thats 5:44, on the video where my poster starts showing up throughout the match. After the match, I'm gone, but if you want to see a cocky, arrogant wrestler do a monkey flip thanks to Redneck Asian, get to the 24:07, that 24 minutes and 7 seconds, for an amazing monkey flip.
The Show
Big Daddy V
Song of the Day coming as soon as I choose between these two songs...
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I step through the gym door and pushed him out of my way. Jeremie pretends to care. This is the part where he provokes me. After going inside the supply closet to get my racket for badminton (I know right? Of all sports) and get locked out. I struggle a bit with my friend Danny inside with me to get the door open, which Jeremie and gorilla Jack are on the other side, keeping it closed.
"All right, I can wait."
He opens the door.
After studying Jeremie, I concurred that he's a simple-minded boy who enjoys annoying others and getting on their nerves and feeding off of it to look better. He chooses the ones he believes are 'lower' than him. He chose me. He's a fool, truly, and I long for the day he reads these words. Someday he will. Someday. He considers me his friend, but I don't. I consider him everything I told you just now.
We play doubles in the game. Danny and I pair up and faced my good friend Amber and her partner (name slips my mind). Amber is a black girl from Palm Beach, here with her relatives because she's on probation. (Most of my good friends are or have been on probation. Don't judge them quickly). She's nice to me, and her attitude is mostly positive (unless we ask of things of her past) and she always makes me laugh or put a smile on my face.
Right now, I think I have more female friends then male friends. The girls I'm friends with are either funny or I make them laugh. God forbid any of them wanting a relationship... more on that later...
After beating them, the feeling in my heart returns. It has been with me since the morning.
Play This Fire Burns by Killswitch Engage now.
Danny and I are challenged by Jeremie and Jack to a doubles match.
"I'm gonna actually try," Danny said to me with a smirk. He dislikes them both, though not a seeker of revenge as yours truly.
"Hm. I'm just waiting for that moment."
"What moment?"
"You'll see."
We start off strong, getting a four to zero advantage immediately. Danny's on fire. Soon enough, Jeremie and Jack start picking up momentum, though Jack being the weaker link of the pair as I am in our team. Danny played this last year, but I only learned how to play yesterday. Not that I even like it, but it gets fun if you can laugh at yourself and in a kidding manner blame the other teammate (like Danny, he laughs when I do. Gonna miss him when I become a Junior).
After a bunch of screw-ups, and somehow Danny doesn't count the points (I paid attention, and we won, but that wasn't exactly the most important thing on my mind) and apparently they won after screw-ups by yours truly (which I blamed on Danny).
Jeremie again, in my eyes, makes a fool of himself by running around celebrating. He's jumping around swinging his racket, and then he taps the basketball rim and comes towards me. He takes his racket and hits me in the butt.
That exact moment, I grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards me as hard as I could, pushed away...
BOOM!
Right in the jaw goes my foot! He falls down, shocked and brain still moving around his think-headed skull. You could hear the bottom of his jaw snap with his teeth above.
And you know what's the best part?
» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «I DIDN'T DO ANY OF THAT.
Yes, I played you.
What happened really was right after that whack to the butt via racket I got from him, I chased him. He obviously ran, thinking its a game.
I was thinking on my feet, and it could only benefit me.
As he ran, I thought of the way he never took me seriously. So what to I do?
Pretend like I'm going to kill him.
I shout at him, letting out whatever instant aggression I can manage to show. He slows down, worried I was about to pop him in the face (which was the plan) and wanted to compromise before I did anything violent. I pushed him once he stopped too for dramatic effect.
I love me.
I swear at him more. My classmates look around at me and Jeremie with an 'Oh ####' look on their face. Ms. Sowa, our gym teach, comes up, yelling at us (and tells me to stop the swearing) and brings us out into the hall after I called him a disrespectful #######.
I speak loudly in the hallways about the matter, and Ms. Sowa tells him:
"Listen, if someone tells you to stop doing whatever it is that you're doing, then STOP."
She demanded he give an apology but I wasn't about to give this up so soon.
"Sorry Jon. I apologize."
I take a second thinking.
"And what about Jack?"
"I can't say he won't do it himself."
Of course he will, he's your pet.
"Could you tell him?"
Sowa steps in, tells us to go back in the gym and calls Jack to talk in the hallways too.
Amber came up to me and hugged me and told me to calm down, all the while with a smile on her face, and tells me to give her my big Brazi smile. She's so nice and funny, I had to give one.
After class, a couple of the girls asked if I calmed down yet, and I reveal that it was all play; it was either act or actually kick his face off. Not sure if they believe me. Ah well, I'll take care of that later.
In the next gym where the locker room was (locker room door locked, we stand outside till a gym teacher opens it) was Jeremie and Jack sitting on the benches. Jeremie, in general, calls me a (w)ussy.
He still doesn't believe I can reach his head.
The ignorant fool...
~AA
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Yang represents good in the symbol.
With yang days, I find it hard to blog about them that day. These events took place yesterday.
I woke up to the sound of laughter. The Remiro & Pebbles Hip-Hop Morning Show from 6AM to 10AM was on as they talk to their intern Problem Child (They gave him that nickname) about how he can't get a girl because he always messes up whenever talking to them. It was 5:40 AM, so they are playing a recording from yesterday's show. I get up, and get to the bathroom. Once back, fresher and more awake, I start dressing while continuing to listen to the soon to be playing morning show. Once dressed, deodorant and all, I my glitchy mp3 player that refuses to connect to the computer, nor have the playlist in the order I made. If I want to listen to some more rock, it'll go on to a slow love song (though that was before the malfuctioning). I placed it on the FM radio, never taking it off JAM'N 94.5, the station Remiro & Pebbles broadcast from.
I break open a fresh box of Frost Flakes with a reduced amount of sugar (which has more benefits in it and less of the fattening stuff than the Special K Vanilla Almonds I used to get... yes, I'm trying to eat healthy.) I have my breakfast, got my things, and by 6:48AM, I grab a washed green apple and head out my door... into the corridor of the first floor apartment.
Don't you hate the meaningless two paragraphs I put up there?
As I walk towards the bus stop, I notice as I'm descending down the hill my apartment is on top of.
Traffic.
Backed up all the way to the bus stop.
I, of course, am laughing quietly. It would be a shame to come into school late for homeroom or the middle of first period because of Route 9 backed up more than a truck stuck in reverse.
By the time I get to the bus stop, the traffic is further down the road. If the bus ends up in this, we'll definitely be late for school.
Time goes by, and I mean it. The bus is usually here around 6:55AM. Never anything over 6:59AM.
It was 7:00AM.
I call Josh, a friend on the bus who is the first to get picked up.
"Yeah, the bus isn't even here yet. Oh wait, here it is!"
Fifteen minutes later (what should've been about five) The bus is itching its way around the curve of the road. Another two to three minutes pass before finally it got onto the thrid lane to come up to the apartment entrance where the bus strop is located.
I talk to my friend Josh who is milking out every bit of fun he can from being stuck in traffic. As we close in on traffic lights, he noticed the Tracker Trailer behind us.
"HONK THE HORN!" He started saying loudly. Of course he gets the attention of everyone on the bus, and they're thinking ,'Oh gosh...'
After twenty seconds of giving the motion to honk the horn while saying it loudly, he gave up.
Another five seconds...
*honk**honk*
The entire bus started laughing.
We get to school at about 7:45 or so, and first period was already starting. Of course we don't take the side-entrance so just imagine a bunch of kids coming in the front door and all the students turning to you as they walk... eyes on you...
It was funny. Josh said we were VIP. (Apparently 'Very Important Pimps')
As the day went on, everything went fine. Mr.McNeill was out today so even he couldn't bring me down.
As my six foot seven, 320 pound African-American friend who's name is all too common... Josh (I know three or four Josh's in this school. Five if you count the one in my old town) would say:
'The chi is pretty good today.'
I'll talk about his chi thing in a distant entry.
Today and yesterday have been peaceful. Got to love it...
~AA
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We're in Manhattan, New York City. The air is cold, the snow hasn't fell, and Christmas was going on with or without the traditional weather. The Bar and Grill was packed. The warm air, the fake wood settings, the music in the background no one is listening to, and not to mention the food is great.
My mom, sister, and I sit next to the entrance, next to many people we don't know but hey, its Christmas.
Some of my friends are around, but only the ones I barely talk to. Juan just walked out of the bathroom, Steph is on the other side of the restaurant eating with her family. Judging by the big smile on her face, she's having a good time.
I then see him at the table next to hers, alone, looking at me.
Ignoring it was hard, but I tried my best. He was the last person I wanted to see on Christmas.
He comes behind my mom, surprising her, and pulls up a chair. He starts talking like nothing happened. My mom and sister are without facial expression. The words coming out of his mouth were amazing. Amazing in a way that he's actually got the guts to say it.
"Dad, if you don't leave now, I'm going beat the #### out of you."
"You can't do that!" He laughs, "I'm your dad! You couldn't hurt me!"
I get up from my seat, pushing the table in front of me.
"You want to go, #####? Huh? I'll kick your ### right now!"
He looks surprised, almost like he didn't understand.
I stand on my seat, jump over my mom who's blocking my way out and I ask the question again. He gets up and tries to leave through the door. I kick him between the legs unsuccessfully and then reach my arm around and punch him in the privates. He stops, absorbing the pain and backs into the side of the door with hinges. The effect of the shot was still there, and I took advantage. I punched the right side of his face. Felt like I did nothing. I did it again. Nothing. Again and again, I continued it, letting out every ounce of hate I had to him for that night. Two years I've been waiting to do this, and I finally got him.
I stopped, and he goes to the door instantly and disappears in the darkness of the night.
The Explorer rode down Manhattan like all the other cars, peaceful and causally. Sure, there wasn't any snow, but no one was openly complaining.
The flashing lights on the other lane instantly told me the story.
My mom finds a bridge connecting to the other side, and I already know what happened. The police grab me and push me to the side of a building and interrogate me, somehow knowing who I was. I answer their questions, and I'm let go.
The next day, during breakfast in our hotel room, I asked how dad was after the accident last night. Sis told me why he was drinking. He was drunk because he thought the only person in the world the still loved him now hated him. Mom told me he purposely drove into the other car, in an attempt at suicide. He succeeded.
I go outside the hotel building and start screaming in sadness. It was my fault. All of it.
I go on my sister's laptop, head onto BZP. My blog has changed. Somehow my account was hacked and a noob was having a field day humiliating me.
Go on AIM, IM Kex, ask him to tell B6 to ban me.
I log off, and never sign on again.
I woke up. It was 1 PM. My mind was rushing.
Did it happen?
I spent the next five minutes on the bed, still thinking.
It felt all real.
My mom beeps her car outside, and I move the shades, window being right next to my bed.
I go downstairs, open the lobby door for her, and she's a little angry I was still sleeping.
We go into the apartment, I give her the story in short terms, and I cry.
I cried, and cried and cried. I killed my dad in a dream, on Christmas 2008. I had my head on her shoulder as she hugged me tight, continuing to tell me it was only a dream.
I felt like I did it. Was it just thoughts in my head or desires of my heart?
I have yet to crack a smile today. I don't think I want to.
I can't look my mom in the eye for some reason. Am I ashamed to do so? I don't think I can look at anyone's face right now. I just can't.
~AA
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I Miss
By Arch-Angel,
I miss a lot of things.
I miss working. The sun's rays coming down on me as I sweat my butt off doing landscaping, even if its simple weeds. Sweating going down my face as the day peaks at a hot 90 degrees...
I miss the money I earned. Eight dollars an hour and no taxes in between because its somewhat under the table. My dad would get the check and cash it in, hand me about 300 dollars and I feel upper class for five minutes. Fifteen twenty dollar bills? It feels great.
I miss having lunch with a lunch box. A sandwich made with turkey, ham, mayo, the works, and most of all, mom's love.
I miss learning how to do things. How to make walls, how to lift heavy objects carefully, how to fix the small problems before they become big.
I miss waiting for the day to end so I can come back home and go online to talk to friends. The anticipation for the weekend, the two days I have to spend with who I want if I can (so the weather chooses).
I miss my dad.
I miss him.
I don't know why. I know I love him. I can admit that thanks to Necro in this entry.
I guess ever since I yelled at him, its been let out. Like I actually have forgiven him. Maybe because I've been bottling it up this entire time and with it, a grudge.
I think...
I think I'm going to apologize for what I said to him.
~AA
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Today, I got to spend the time with my father (whoms stupid actions made me who I am, and I do not know whether I should thank him or not) and I decided, 'Hey, lets go to the movies. But go into the AMC Grille next to it. Dinner and a movie, no time wasted.'
He reluctantly agreed. He much perferred to spend time with me and talk.
You wonder why I enjoy the movies.
The movie 21 is going to play at 7:30. Its been hyped up and the plot looks good. Of course, its based doff a true story and a book written about it. IMDB rating didn't look reassuring, but hey, I didn't want to laugh at 'Run, Fat Boy, Run'.
I wanted to watch '21' and learn how to play Poker, Blackjack, et cetera all in one night, then forget the moment I wake up tomorrow.
We get there at 7:05, actually find a parking spot and walk the actual short distance to the AMC Grille.
As soon as we pass the entrance, I see the second set of doors and a sign on it.
STOP. UNDER 21, TURN AROUND.
Pass the glass you could see the bar.
So much for the grille.
We go inside the actual theater and get in line.
IT WAS HORRIBLE! UNBELIEVABLE! WHAT A BLOW-OFF!
Sold out.
Darn this number! And they say 23 was bad!
I end up having to spend the next three hours walking in the Natick Collection (its one big mall) seeing many familiar faces of my, guess you could say friends, from my current high school. It was a bummer really. It just rubbed in on how my social life from the past came crashing down once I moved here. It couldn't have felt worse.
I got my dad beforehand to buy me 'WWE: The Music, Volume 8' at Best Buy. It contains fourteen entrance songs I've wanted to listen to in my own spare time. Now I can listen to SOS, Don't Question My Heart, No Chance in (Heck), Turn Up The Trouble, Ain't No Make Believe, and Biscuit n' Gravy whenever I want. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
When I got home, my mom as usual makes me sit down on the couch and answer any and all questions that my dad may or may not have said in our time together. Its about a half hour to an hour long interrogation of annoyance as I usually drown out my dad's voice.
Again. The movie thing.
Although during the time at the mall, my dad asked about Bionigirl. I told him about her being in the adoption circle and I haven't heard from her in what feels like weeks.
Its a blessing and a curse at the same time. Every girl I see, I think of her. A blessing because I think of her, and a curse because of our speration.
He says I should move on, that I don't know what love is, or that I shouldn't bother with one girl for too long. What a father. If I don't know what love is, how is doing that suppose to show me what it is?
Its a shame really. Its one of those moments where I look forward to Heaven. My Paradaise.
I sigh right now. Its 12:02 AM, and I got church in the morning, I think. Not sure if I want to go. Lets just say in my last visit, Satan haunted my thoughts.
I sigh again.
~AA
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