The Fallen Amph

Weekly Update #1 - 1/9/09 I told you I'd do it. I'm just going to post an entry every Friday, Staurday or Sunday, just about my week at school and other things. I'm going back to traditional font. I just think the color/font things just makes things look bad. So I'll just get on with it. There was Monday, nothing special. Except that it was Basketball tryouts. I didn't tryout, but I am next year. On Tuesday, that girl that I mentioned from my photography class asked me how it was going. Thursday was wierd. Andrew made the Basketball team, so he didn't have to ride home with me that day. I was sitting in the front like I always do. Then, Amanda's small dude friend comes up to me. I was just expecting my CD back. Him: Hey, will you go out with Amanda? (i don't remember if it was "if" or "Amanda wants to gout with you") I didn't buy this for a second. This has happened to me before with my friends and they were all jokes. But since that thing at BWW, I've come to partially believe them. Me: *sigh* I'm not going to take this Bull**** anymore, got it? I know you're joking. I'm not buying it. Him: Ooook, so it's a no then? Me: Ya whatever. I'm just annoyed. I then thought if this was true. Then I just left it. OH yeah. This is her. I showed "BatHero" this. Thought I'd show my other... fans . The only thing that happened today was that while I was putting stuff in my locker, that other girl from my social studies class, came over to me and asked how it was going and some stuff like that. That's all that happened in that nature. She still hasn't given me the CDs. Blah, blah. I got some late packages for my movie. I got Premium Series Megatron, Leader Class Brawl, and the OP vs. Bonecrusher set. Though I haven't started filming yet. I'm excited for tommarrow. It's Andrew's birthday and I get to see my friend Omar. You remember him from like a million entries ago. He was about as important in this Amanda thing as Andrew and Brent back in grade school. I think he'll be interested in these stories... So yeah. That's all of it in a bombshell. See ya next week.

Wow, I hadn't really thought of this until know, but Amph, you've graduated. In this whole thing with Amanda, you've learned the only real thing I know: take it slow. You nailed it. You've made a girl you like relatively well a friends, and you're going to wait to do anything. Good job, Amph. You rock. Well actually, shekinda liked me before I thought about and well-- nevermind. Tommarrow is the first day of school after two weeks. I'm glad I'm going back.

Actually, there's more... "excitement" in my life than this. Things happen all the time (not BIG things but things worth talking about). I think I might post an entry every Friday just to talk about what happened that week (not just school, other stuff too). Kinda like was Black Six does (or did he stop? ). Well, I just feel good that it didn't end with an "I HATE YOU!!!!!! LEAVE ME THE ##### ALONE!!!!!". And she didn't have the upper hand (in my opinion). Thanks man. B) I guess you don't really understand unless you're in my age group. #1 Rule: Say you like a girl, that you KNOW. I think I'll just wait til she says it (she's already has said she likes me only it was kind of a whisper to someone else. But I'm pretty sure as a friend), and If that doesn't happen, I'll just find someone else and we'll stay friends. But this is why music kind of "matches" certain situations in my life. Mostly Disturbed right now.

I don't see how she was trying to be nice... Yet I think this would've gone alot better if we just talked to each other in person from the start.

Curse the boards! Well, anyway, my entry got cut off because it was too long. So here's the last part. This just the reason she's "heartless" and rude. And my thoughts now. After that moment, I felt incredibly wierd and confused. I just wonder what made her just... say that? Really. She KNEW how much I liked and cared about her. It also seemed like we were getting along in the past. The night after that happened, we had a text conversation. It basically me letting all of my anger out (i. e. how hard I worked on the cds, my time and caring, etc.). I don't remember much of it. I remember her saying that it was stupud of me to like her and make a big deal even though I never met her, and her saying she didn't like me for no apperent reason. So I went through the next week without a problem. Usual stuff. I thought about A LOT of stuff though. after a while, I sent this: Friday December 19th 5:40 PM Hi Amanda. I'm very sorry to bother you on a holiday weekend, but I've been thinking about some stuff. I took this WAAAY too fast. I was wrong to do that. I understand that you told me to leave you alone, but I thought I should say this. I thought it was kinda stupid for you to say you didn't like me before you even met me (no offense, I don't want to upset you). And I know I never met you too and it was riduculus to say those things. I think 9and people who've discussed this with me agree) that it is stupid that people (in general) are rejecting others before they even get to know them or for how they look, it happens far too often. It's also wierd that throughout all this, we never just went up to each other and said something. And about the whole CD thing, I just did that because I thought, "Heck, whatelse is there to lose?" or something. Its just that when I was making those I was thinking that we were gonna talk in person, and that it was gonna be the last. Because we didn't, I didn't know what you thought. It was just odd when after all those things you said about them, you come out and to leave you alone and that you didn't like me (which I already knew). It was random to me. All of these events that've happened after you told me you didn't like me, were not attempts to go out with you. i was trying to gain your trust. I just thought possible we could... just be friends? I mean if you're willing to meet me or something. I took a huge step in this. Way too big. That's a mouthful. Nothing happened that night. Between that night and Saturday night, I began to get a bit irritated, and sent these. I know you don't like me but... Seriously? Are you this immature (Morning) If you hate me just say it (night) I get this. Ok, I do hate you . It ended up being one of her stupid friends. This was her real answer: I didn't write that. My friend did. I would say I don't hate you, I just don't like you and want you to leave me alone. Did you read that long thing I sent? No I'm chillin with ad Who's ad? My best friend shes pretty tight. :~) Did you throw the cds away? It's ok if you did. Ummm imma give em to brent (to give to me... unfortunatly) K then. Did you get those messages? Cause I REEEAAALY don't want to resend them. I forgot what they said I'll jst resend them... Ok... (resends it) I don't want to get to know you so that's pointless for you to tell me. So stop trying. Bye. Wow. You're THAT heartless? Just wow. Really? That's it? I went through all this... You're the first girl to EVER reject me like that. I'm serious. I don't like any of the girls who've asked me out, but I haven't gotton to know them yet. So ya. Siyanara heartless b*tch. You have no right to call me a heartless B*tch so whatever. I don't care what you think of me, your opinion doesn't mattrer. I'm glad you're finally going to leave me alone. I have any right. You could've been nicer to me through this whole thing, but then chose to treat me like s**t. Why? I don't know. There it is. Right there in... grey and pink. The end to this plague in my mind. That's all folks (bad pun). It's over. I don't really care about I made her feel. She's made me feel bad enough. Ever since the whole "leave me alone" thing, I haven't been trying to make her like me (obviously). I've just wanted to deal with a person with a bad concience. February 15th 2008 - December 20th 2008 Oh... did I ever mention I had my birthday party the same day this all started? I probably did. This truly has been a HUGE life lesson. i've learned a lot of things. Learned what not to do. Learned what to do. Learned HOW to do things. Learned to stop things. Really, I'd think I'd be devasted. But I'm not. I think it's the comparison my current life and her's. I'm friends with alot of girls (Wel... err, I consider 1-3 a class a lot, and I consider I friend a person who's been nice to me for more than one day, a person who talks to me without acknowledgment from me. So far I haven't gotton to the "hanging out" stage yet). Some of them are very nice to me. I definetly don't consider this person a friend, but it seems... her didlike for me has gone down. it's Amanda's old smallish friend from last year (actually recently told me thier friends again... odd). Well... uh. The night of my winter strings concert, she just asked me for the time in a polite way and acknowledged me in a hyperish way... uh huh. I know that was.. kinda wierd. There's this one girl who's in my photography and social strudies calss, who knows that I make movies, like Disturbed, and Like Transformers. And she is one of the nicest girls I've ever. She asks me for help in photography. And talks to me all the time. A while ago, there was this other girl who I used to sit next to in Social Studies who was also really nice to me. She one day just randomly asked what I was thinking about and I said... "a girl". I just talked about I felt about Amanda at that point in time (irritated, annoyed). That brought up this question, "If you feel that way about her, why do you like her?" Listen to "I Hate Everything About You" by Three Days Grace. It basically fits how I felt after this ended. Just listen to it. You'll see why. Also, I think (to myself) I was the best she was going to get at that piont. Everytime someone found out or heard that I liked her, they followed with, "Oh my god! You like her!?", a blank look, a "not good" comment, or an awkward "... Wow..". This is wierd though: I've met pretty much all of her current friends that I know of and vise versa for her. Though we never met each other. That's it. The End. - Special Thanks - Arch-Angel Biohero Codrex Cap'n Kopaka Toa Tarik ~/\mph P.S. Keep in mind, I get a new class scedule around the 13th. She MIGHT be in one of my classes... But I already have thjat planned out. It's not a real "plan" plan it's just... I'll be ready.

He, he. Well, actually Arch, The part of the entry that got cut off, discussed ALL of this. It had the reason I thought she was heartless, and my thoughts curreently. So, yeah.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! HAPPY 2009

Well, uh... this entry was so long that the board cut off the most important part. I'll just post another entry. And I don't know what was about that last thing.. She's REALLY wierd.

Here it is. This is how it plumeted. From a nice thing. To a swirling black hole of sadness and anger. This will be a long entry. Discussing many things. Let's get started. Just let me say, I went through 3 cell phones in this time. Also, texts got deleted. I'm just going to tell you what I remember. October 29th 2:40 PM It was 3 days after I told her how I felt. We never said anything to each other. I texted her saying, if she did not like me, why was it so hard for her to talk to me. The whole reason I did this was the hope that she would correct me that she DID like me in some way. At about 6:00 PM she said that she didn't like me. She said she didn't find me attractive. I was getting really emotional. We had an argument. She said that she hasn't liked me this entire time and that she thought it was obvious. I went to bed at 7:30 that night. I felt horrible. The next day, I didn't talk. My parents thought I was going to... hurt myself. As the day went on I got better. I felt incerdibly confused. In the next couple of days, I texted saying I was sorry about being rude. She said it was fine. I just wanted to make peace withher because Brent was still hanging out with her (But since November, he's come back) and if something came up... you know. I didn't want it to be wierd. Now between this next event, my screen on my phone got broken, so I got a new Motorola Razr. Remember that movie I made, Brawl vs. the Autobots? I made that the weekend after this started and that field trip. Well... when I made that movie I was thinking about her and welll... I thought... I better... "Let it out". About two weeks after the last "Event" Hi Amanda. Its michael again. You probably sick of me, but even though you don't like me, there is still one thing I want you to see/show you. I made this 9 months ago (actually the weekend after I said I liked you) So it's very old. Here *YOU*UBE ADRESS*. Just (try to) copy that into your adress box on your computer. If you think it's wierd/stupid, keep it to yourself. I don't want rumors of "Michael the Retard" going around school. Why don'y just tell me what to look up so it's easier *Explains how to get to my profile* What's it called? Ugh... Brawl vs. the Autobots. What does thisw have to do with me at all? That's not what I meant at all. It was just made with the thought of you. Why did you want me to see that? I just wanted you to see it. That's all. Though there is something (kinda) about you. It's a MV called The Older I Get. It's the song. Not the video. I don't really remember what happened next. I just was messaging her about if she hated it/thought it was stupid, And to keep this whole incident to herself. The next day, I had plans to go to Brent's house. Then she messages me at about 10 in the morning: Macayla (the girl that was at BWW) saw and bryce (that kid who "dislikes me") They were there with me. Well have fun making inside jokes . OMG, you sometime act so stupid and retarded. We weren't gonna do that! Sorry. It's just that my brain thinks that anything I do involving you makes me look like more of a retard in your eyes. *And other junk I can't remember...* Lol. I liked Brent's bday (a video I made compiling all of the videos I made a Brent's Birthday party.) You do know what was in those censor sounds right *us saying her name and that I liked her in the middle of the night* Anyway, anyon'e who has seen sais that the Boelin With Project spoof was the best part lol. After I got to Bent's house (and played Call of Duty 4 ) She mesages me back: I didn't see the whole thing. Macayla made me stop. And I don't get why you like me. I really don't think I'm that pretty (when Bren't saw this he said, "Aw, low self esteem "). There are a lot more beutiful girls at school. I can't really remember, but I sent her a giant text explaining why I've liked her over the months. And that there were other girls I KINDA liked (ha ha ha... LIAR!). K ...Really You need a girlfriend *Brent sends* Will you be my girlfriend? No thanks. I heve my eye on someone else. You need someone else to be your girlfriend. *Then Brent admits that he sent it* One last thing: did you think that movie was stupid? Which one? Which ones did you watch? I don't know. I guess the ones I watched were Ok. Really? Ya... Later that night: Wait, is the guy you mean, Sam (Like you said last year?). Because, not to dissapoint you, but he's already going out with 5 other people. HECK no. I move on so fast. Good for you. Was that sarcastic? I think it was. No, why would it be sarcastic? I don't know. About the Sam thing, I've already dated 2 people this year already. for how long? One of a week and the other for five days. I've had a couple of people ask me out this year. But it always ends up that the people who like me/asked me out are either a freak or 1/2 my size. Ok guys. I haven't been... completely truthful with you. Last year (when I asked her out) she said she liked somebody else... that was 8 months ago. A couple of days later, I texted her saying that I lied and that I don't like anybody else. I told her thatI looked around, and ther'e no one else I find attractive. And that I don't like the people who like me. Twice, after school, I had the erge to have a conversation with her about ANYTHING. So just texted her saying "What's Up" twice (They were a week apart). Then, I texted saying that I kinda lied about "I like other people". The day after I said that, I just looked and thought about the people I "liked" and realized that... I didn't really like them. I looked at other people too. So, yeah. I was basically saying: I do not currently like ANYONE in the 7th grade except her. Anyway, she never replied to any of the messages. I tried one night and said (exactly): I don't know if you just can't get to your phone or if you are ignoring me but... Ok, I think I was going the wrong way with that. It's just that I can't just "forget" about this thing with you. You are like EVERYWHERE I go (not literally) I just "see" you in other people. And about those "sup" messages... I just did those because I just wanted to talk to you. :[ Sorry. As I said before, If you think I'm annoying... just TELL me. Please. Hopefully you got my message about the liking think. /:[ A couple days later she said that she's been getting my messages. I said that maybe if we talked in person, it can make things better. She kept saying it would be wierd and that she didn't want to "force talk" to someone. She most likely thought I was going to talk to her about random stuff. Nothing happened for about a week. Just let me tell something... that sounds really stupid. I love music. I listen to it all the time. There are songs that are BOUND to make me think of her. Some of them make me think of her because of the time I first listened to the song or when I frequently listened to the song. Some songs made me think of her because of the lyrics. Some were just for the rythm. I knew that if I kept these songs to myself and listened to all of them, it'd make me feel worse. So I had an idea. First off, let me say, this plan was meant for me and her to talk in private. Actually meeting. Talking. Anyway... I had a plan. A gift. I wanted to give her a CD of these songs. Nothing really nessicerilly (sp) bad happened recntly before then. On Thanksgiving weekend, I started. It took me about 3 hours to make. Burning about 4 Cds with all of these songs and typing out this little booklet with the song names and why thay made me think of her. It took A LOT of thought. So that Monday, I waited near her locker. I wasn't really afraid because (at that moment) she'd never shown rude signs to me in person. Just the usual "curious looks". She never came. Not on Monday, Not on Tuesday. Not on Wednesday. Good thing Andrew and Brent were with me or I would've bored my brains out. They really are loyal. Which brings me to my next "thing". Throughout this whole thing (starting in middle school), I was starting to lose...er.."interest" in helping me with Amanda. Espesially Andrew. With all of my fear before the texting thing, Andrew and Brent almost refused to help me permanetly. Until... I brought in a little deal. I told them (if this thing turned out being good) that whoever helped me the most in this, they would get $15. Hey, it worked. Thursday was the day Brent had Spanish with Amanda. He offered to tell her what I needed to say ("meet me in the front of the school after school I need to tell you something" and if all else fails "I have something for you"). So he wouldn't mess up (like times... previously) I wrote what was needed to be said on an index card (not to be "read out"). At that was that. Before I go on, I have to say, my Razr was stolen out of my Gym locker on Tuesday of the same week. And that Brent was going to spend the night again that Friday. So I waited in the front. She was there. Not in the place where she was supposed to be. I thought that Brent failed. ("You fail me yet again Starscream." >). I was POd. And frustrated. When I got home, I called him on my home phone (which was EXTREMELY difficult). He said the she said "No I don't think I will" and him and me argued a bit and... well, I went to bed early and angry. The next morning, I found out that he didn't tell me the whole story. He said she said, "I don't think I will" then he mentioned the cd, and she said, "Ok, I will, but can I bring someone?" in which I found out later so it wouldn't be wierd. That mad me feel a LOT better. After school, I had a lot of oppurtunities to do it, but I had another plan in my mind. My mom was going to take me to get another phone AND Brent was coming over to spend the night. I had a plan to call her and talk about think. Long story short, my dad and Brent tempted me to call. Also Brent had been texting her about stuff (She said she was watching "The Hills" and South Park, not my personal favorites, but...meh) He asked If I could call. She said no, but that was just because she was busy. Then she said I could. I just called. A man answered. It sounded like a 17-18 year old. I texted her. A guy answered. That was my dumb dad. ... Why? He stole my phone. you'd be surprised. It wasn't as wierd as you would think, just remember it was 10 PM, so... I was tired. She answered. I couldn't really hear her. My volume control on my new phone was wierd. She sounded... happy? Ish. I don't know. She knew that Brent was there and suggested using his phone. I did. I told her what me and Brent had done that night (I. e. went on my roof, went and climbed a pine tree, etc.) . I said that we wre a bit hyper too. She giggled a bit and siggested that we were drinking red bulls or something. Then I confesed that I had totally had no plans on what to say (about you know what). Then for some reason her and her father were yelling at each other (about like... Tv? Or something. It was hard to tell). I thought she was crying.Brentb then took out my TFA Megatron and made it talk into the phone ("Where is that Allspark!??") good thing her and her dad's conversation drowned it out. She later said that she was laughing not crying. The next day, I texted her asking about the CD. She said that Brent said I was going to give her one. I then said it was for dusks, of music. She said that was cool. We agreed to meet each other in the front of the school on Monday. This gave me a chance to "revamp" the CDs. There were some songs I didn't want on there, and some I forgot to put on. These are the songs (in Order): » Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «1stp. Klosr – Linkin Park Savior - Skillet This Moment - Disturbed No More Sorrow – Linkin Park Wake – Linkin Park Given Up – Linkin Park Leave Out All The Rest–Linkin Park Shadow of the Day – Linkin Park What I've Done – Linkin Park Hands Held High – Linkin Park Valentine's Day – Linkin Park In Between – Linkin Park In Pieces – Linkin Park The Little Things Give You Away - LP Before It's Too Late – Goo Goo Dolls Gone - DAUGHTRY There and Back Again - DAUGHTRY The Last Night - Skillet Those Nights - Skillet Looking For Angels - Skillet Gravity Hurts - Brink Refugee – Linkin Park Live Free or Let Me Die - Skillet Forsaken - Skillet Qwerty – Linkin Park Over the Top – Linkin Park Decadence - Disturbed Part of Me – Linkin Park\ Eternal - Evanescence High Voltage – Linkin Park Unknown Soldier – Breaking Benjamin Enjoy the Silence – Depeche Mode Had Enough – Breaking Benjamin Faint Remix – Linkin Park Carousel – Linkin Park And One – Linkin Park Lying From You – Linkin Park Prelude 12/21 - AFI Blow Me Away – Breaking Benjamin The Thirst is Taking Over - Skillet The Diary of Jane – Breaking Benjamin Evil Angel – Breaking Benjamin Breath – Breaking Benjamin Feels Like Tonight - DAUGHTRY So Cold – Breaking Benjamin Dance With the Devil – Breaking Benjamin Technical Difficulties – Julien K Sons of Plunder - Disturbed Better Than Drugs - Skillet Open Wounds - Skillet Indestructible - Disturbed Liberate - Disturbed Criminal - Disturbed Papercut – Linkin Park Crush 'Em - Megadeth Yours to Hold – Skillet Say Goodbye – Skillet Land Of Confusion - Disturbed The Older I Get - Skillet Don't Stay – Linkin Park Crawling – Linkin Park Whispers in the Dark - Skillet Shout 2000 - Disturbed Where Will You Go - Evanescence Pain Redefined - Disturbed Stupify - Disturbed Deceiver - Disturbed Deify - Disturbed Stricken - Disturbed Dehumanized - Disturbed Animals - Nickelback I'm Alive - Disturbed Remember - Disturbed Run - Disturbed Evolution - KoRn From the Inside – Linkin Park Animal I Have Become – Three Days Grace Sacred Lie - Disturbed You Fight Me – Breaking Benjamin No Roads Left – Linkin Park Why the make me think of her: » Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... « Song Details 1stp. Klosr - This song is the song that wouldn't stop going through my head after that… moment… that started this. It went through my head the rest of the day, and it represents you for the feel of it, basically. P.S. Don't think that the "Shut Up" parts are me saying for you to shut up. Savior – This song reminds me of you because of the time I heard it (which was a couple of days before you knew I liked you). This Moment - This song makes me think of you the same way 1stp. Klosr does… only with less emphasis. No More Sorrow - This is one of the only songs that STILL makes me think about this. This one is for the feel of the song. Before It's Too Late – This one of the little amount of songs that reminds me of you because of the lyrics. Well, it doesn't really now, but it did. Wake + Given Up + Leave Out All The Rest + Shadow of the Day + What I've Done+ Hands Held High + Valentine's Day + In Between + In Pieces + The Little Things Give You Away - All of these songs are reminders because of the time I bought the Minutes to Midnight CD. I was sick for a week and was alone with my thoughts… so… what else is there to think about? Also, In Between kind of matches how I felt about this before I texted you the first time… Gone – This song makes me think of you because, back in spring, I used to lie in bed listening to this song thinking about what I can do to talk to you the next day. There and Back Again – After the String Zone concert (if you don't remember, I sat 3 seats away behind you) I kept listening to this song… now it makes me think of you… simply put. Those Nights + The Last Night + Looking for Angels – These are here for the lyrics and the rhythm. Those Nights and The Last Night (with there "love" theme /:[) made me think of you. Looking for Angels is kind of for both. Gravity Hurts – This just for the feel of the song. It's just that when I listen to it, it makes me think of how I thought of you in the beginning of spring. Refugee + Live Free or Let Me Die + Qwerty + Forsaken + Over the Top + Decadence + Part of Me + Eternal + High Voltage + Unknown Soldier - These just make me think about you because these are the songs I listened to at recess in 6th grade. I was listening to these songs while doing something regarding you (either thinking about you, or watching your actions [NOT like a stalker]) Enjoy the Silence + Faint [Remix] - These are just songs I listened to at school… only for these songs; I made videos for them on ######. Had Enough – Just another song that makes me think of the time I got this song. For some reason, when I get or listen to a new song, (if it's good) I think of you (partially because if it's a good song, it crawls in my head at school. And, of course, you're there so… just put them together J. Carousel + And One + Lying From You – These songs are songs that repeatedly popped up in my head during the last couple of weeks of school. Thinking about what to do about you. And during those days, while walking home, I listened to these. Prelude 12/21 - This just reminds me of you because of an unusual moment that happened after school when I was listening to this when you came out of the school and was walking close to where I was and you didn't leave my sight until the song ended… weird huh? Blow Me Away - This one just represents you because of the time I heard this (which was the weekend before our Tahoe field trip) and the rhythm. The Thirst is Taking Over – This song to this day makes me think of you near the end of the year. It basically makes me think of the week of the Tahoe field trip and the last couple of days of school. Also, the lyrics remind me of you but not totally. The Diary of Jane + Evil Angel - These two songs just makes me think of my old thoughts of you when I was on the bus to Tahoe and when I was actually at Tahoe. Also, back then, the lyrics of The Diary of Jane made me think of this thing with you. Breath - My brain almost played this song all the way through when I was sitting there in the cafeteria at the graduation rehearsal after I gave you that note. L In which I am DEEPLY sorry for. So Cold + Feels Like Tonight - (This song was put out of order by accident ) this song just makes me think about how I felt after school ended… which was not good by the way. Dance with the Devil + Technical Difficulties + Sons of Plunder + Better Than Drugs + Open Wounds + Indestructible – These are all just songs that brought up thoughts of you over the summer. And they still sort of do. Liberate – This is just for the feel. The fact it says motherf***er in almost every verse has nothing to do with you. Criminal - The first song that brought up thoughts of you in middle school. It's just for the rhythm. And the line in the main chorus, "The message you never want to send" kind of reminds of all of those times my friends in 6th grade used to threaten me that they'd go say like, "Michael loves you!" or something to you. Papercut + Crush 'Em – These are just for the time. During the first couple weeks of school, the beginning of Papercut came into my head. And, at a random moment, Crush 'Em came into my head when you were near me. Yours to Hold + Say Goodbye – These two are for the lyrics. It's kind of… t "mushy" to put. But I thought I should put these on here. Land of Confusion - This one is just for the rhythm and the beat. For some reason (at BWW) I kept tapping out the beginning drum parts when you were there. The Older I Get – This makes think of you because of the lyrics and because of its message. About 2-3 months ago, I thought it matched this situation perfectly, but kind of not really now. Don't Stay – For a couple weeks (after school, when I was trying to talk to you about "starting over"), I always thought of this song… for the feel mostly. Crawling - You obviously remember what happened at BWW, don't you? Yeah, after I realized you were there (which scared the ###### out of me) I just kept humming this song to myself. I don't really know why. Whispers in the Dark + Where Will You Go – These are just for the rhythm, and some are for the lyrics. Whispers in the Dark is kind of for both. Where Will You Go is for the main feel of the music. Shout 2000 – This one is for the feel of the song. And the line "let it all out" makes me think of telling you how I felt. Stupify + Pain Redefined – These are just two songs that came in my mind during school and when I thought about you. Just for the feels of the songs. Deceiver – This song still very reminiscent of you (even though it sounds a little violent). It's just that I listened to this song all day after I got your phone number and I kept trying to talk to you. When I was sad/angry about you not liking me (which was too dramatic), I thought the main chorus fit how I felt. I've gotten over it. But I still think this song kicks ######. J Deify + Stricken – These are just two songs I listened to on my computer when I first texted you and when I was telling you about how I felt. Dehumanized – The beginning guitar intro came into my mind sometimes when I was at school. So… ya. Animals – I know the meaning of this song. You should probably know that it has nothing to do with you in any way. It's just the theme and feel of the chorus. That's all. I'm Alive – I thought that the line, "the thing I treasure most in life" gave me small thoughts about you… sort of. Remember + Evolution – These are just for the feel and beats of the songs… so yeah. Run – I listened to this song before I went to school a couple times. It came up when I thought of you a little bit. From the Inside - This is just for the feel.. and some of the lyrics… not to be taken literally. Animal I Have Become – Well, I had to turn in a movie to my photography teacher and it had this song in it. This song hung around my mind for a while and… ya. Sacred Lie – You Fight Me – This is for the feel and the fact that these two songs were going through my head during Math on thursday(which is what I'm guessing was the time when Brent told you about… "This") No Roads Left – This is on here for a couple of reasons. One is for the main feel of it. The other is for the lyrics. The line, "I let myself down again" makes me think of all of the times I had the opportunity to talk to you, but was too scared. That's what I wrote exactly on the peices of paper inside the cd holder... thing. So on Monday... she didn't meet me. I asked why and she said she got shy (the tables have been turned). Then on Tuesday, she got sick with stomach pains (I asked) she said Andrew was stupid for thinking her appendix was gonna explode. Wednesday was when things started getting wierd. You know that small dude who she hangs out with that dislikes me, right? Well, after school, she (what it looked like) "sent him" to me. I was incredibly annoyed. Him: You know Amanda *******? Me: Yeah... Him: Err.. Ya like her? Me: Yes. :angry: Him: Ok *walks away* About 1 minute later, he comes back. Him: She.. thinks you're here stalker. Me: Ok... I left that day, incredibly annoyed. She said that she doesn't think I'm a stalker and that he was just saying that. He also went over to me to annoy her. Now doesn't that REMIND you of something? We then got into a little argument about what we were gonna do about this. She said that she was too afraid to do it herself, she wanted to send Bryce. I didn't protest (knowing that never works) and just let be. The next day, I was waiting in the front (for the 1000000000000000000000 time.). Andrew comes out and tells me that he asked her where I was and that reminded her that she had to meet me and she said she was coming... to meet me. She and her friend came out and he came to me for the CDs. The night previous, I had to write down what I was going to say If I were going to talk in person (but of course that never happened). It took up an entire piece of lined paper, front and back. I stuffed it into the cd holder. She took it. And walked off. I almost forgot to tell her not to read it woth Bryce. When I got home, I texted saying that I was sorry for making it look so "official", and she said it was fine. She said that some of her favorite songs were on there (Leave out all the rest, crawling, etc.) At about five I texted asking how for she got. She said she took a break at track 12 (In Between) and was listening to other stuff. At 8 is when it shocked me. 8:20 PM December 11th: Michael, I don't like you, please leave me alone. Huh? What do you think? I don't like you. Leave me alone. Why'd you suddenly bring that up? Because it's the truth. Leave me alone. It was a mixture of confusion, sadness, and burning rage. It was just so random. After I gave her a gift for God's sake. I felt like I wasted time and money. It felt like I was shot in the groin, flipped off, then have my house burned down. I felt THAT bad. Ufortunately The rest of the entry was cut off. I'll have to make the second part.

I'd be sad, but I left this with the upper hand.

HA! Goin through puberty too, eh? I wish I got RB2. >< It has Down With The Sickness by Disturbed, In the End, and One Step Closer by Linkin Park. Yet again RB is still very addictive.

It was cool. It was white. It snowed all day. I had family over. I got About $175 Transformers G1 Repaint Jazz, Classics Optimus Prime, and Dreadwing Optimus Prime Poster New BackPack ROCK BAND > So, yeah. It was good. I'm sorry I haven't been on. School, dealing with Amanda, and movie stuff has kept me real busy.

I'm prompted to write a guide book...

It's christmas eve my friends... I've already gotton Transformers Animated Shockwave, Transformers G1 Recolor Jazz, and $100.

Ugh... I'm so tired. Amanda doesn't like me. I've known that for over 2 months. She's the most mean and heartless person I've ever met. I'm too tired to go into the whole story right now. That's for a different day... night... whatever. I'm just glad it's 3 more days till Christmas!

Mine's not til the 27th.

You are probably wondering what has happened between Friday and now. I gotta tell you: A LOT. You don't even KNOW. Stuff you won't probably believe. Lots of stuff. including stuff that happened on the weekend. There are a lot of text conversations in this entry. They will be translated to regular words for you to understand. Friday It wasn't exactly what I thought it would be like. Brent explained it to me like as if we were meeting Amanda and her friend at the corner next to the school. Actually it was just me and Brent along with Cameron and a couple of his friends. We got to the stands, found seats, talked with friends nearby, etc. Brent saw them and went up to them. (Amanda saw me there). They said that they would sit with us later. Later on, Brent went up to her friend (they're good friends too) and they talked. I tagged along. I joined the conversation from time to time. I don't want to go into further detail, but Cameron got us kicked out (kinda, if you want to know more, leave a comment). Anyway, I was mad that I never got the chance to talk to her. But I knew one thing, Brent had Amanda's Cell #. This was my conversation with Brent about an hour after I got home (9:10 PM). » Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «I have something very important to ask you. I just want this me/Amanda thing to end. I know you have her number. If you can, please tell me it, you'd be the best. If you need to ask for permission, just say it's important. Okay What? No just Macayla (her friend) and I think... Finish your sentence I don't know. ### - #### Thanks You're welcome. That's cell right? Yeah. I'll do it tomarrow Do it. I don't want our friendship to end. I went to bed. Saturday I woke up and thought about this for a second. I messaged Brent = » Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «Dude I don't think I can do this. Okay But I'm going to Just talk to her at school No, this is easier Not really her phone died. #### I tried calling her. » Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «Are you sure its dead? I just tried to call and it rang. I don't know. I called frequently throughout the day (left one message). Until about 6 pm I called (not expecting anything) until... she picked up. I immediatly hung up. A few minutes later Brent called saying: » Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «Dude, Amanda's probably think you are a freak because you called her. You said there was no problem!!?? Just text her. Fine. Text message: » Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «I'm sorry I caled you. I couldn't talk to you at the game and I knew Brent had your number and I couldn't wait til Monday. Please don't be mad at Brent. He didn't know. Blame me. Does that sound good? I sent it to Brent. » Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «Yes, very good. Forward it. A few minutes later. » Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «Then why don't you just text me whatever you need to tell me and I'm not mad. To Michael From Amanda. You ready then? Okay. I'm very very sorry about everything I've done. I know I've been the biggest id**t ever. Do you just want to... Forgive and Forget? And Start over? Why would we need to do that? I've never been mad at you or thought you were an id**t and why would we start over when we never started? I really don't know what to say. I guess I meanlike act like nothing's happened between now and when I told you I liked you. I don't know. She didn't give me a response. I went to bed early that night. Thinking. Sunday I texted her again. » Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «Regarding last message: O don't think I said that right. I guess I'm just saying, do you just want to... forget this all happened. Or actually... start? [/spioler] I didn't get a reply. Monday We didn't talk to each other at school. Nor see each other a lot. I couldn't have time to talk to her after school. So I texted her again. » Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «Hey, it's me again. Listen, I'm sorry I didn't talk talk to you about this today. I just didn't want to embarass you. And I didn't know when would be a good time. Do you just want to talk this over tommarrow? Or now? Now. I didn't expect that. I need to by some time so I said. » Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «Hold on a sec. I got to do something. Don't worry I'll call. Don't call. No, I will. I promise. No it will be wierd and awkward. We will try to make it not. (I'm nervous to believe me.) If you call I won't answer. Why not!? Cause I don't want to talk on the phone. Then what do you want to do? Just tell me what ever you need to. I'd rather talk. Fine > (x2) I just texted her. [sploier]I'm deeply sorry for all of that. . Okay, then, just don't make fun of me.. I've liked you for a VERY long time. I ACTUALLY like you. I don't like you like most guys like girls.I see this all the time. They're like, "She's hot! I'm gonna ask her out!". I know that's a bit exaggerated, but still I find that offensive. Girls aren't objects. They're people. I find you very... pretty. I really care. Even though we don't really know each other, I care. Don't know why. Also... I can't help but notice that... some of your friends are mean to you? Why? You seem really nice. Unless it's a joke. I know that sounds wierd. But that's how I REALLY feel. I really like you. Sorry for that GIANT message. What? Are you saying my short guy friend is mean? No! I'm just saying I've noticed that. I'm not meaning to point fingers! Oh, it's not like that. I was just wondering because me and him always mess around. I think all those things you said about me were very sweet. Thank you. You're welcome, and thank you. Lol. More to come later.

No. Unfortunatly I did not have the time to talk to her. BUT Guess what I'm doing at 7? Today is the day of the Homecoming game. I met up with Brent, Andrew, and Cameron and Brent asked me if I'm going to the game. I said I don't know, but I'm planning on it. Then he said he was and... Invited me to come with him, Amanda, and Amanda's friend (the one that was at Buffalo Wild wings telling her to go over to where I was) to the game. I'm siked.

Yes. I talked to Amanda. Actually talked to her. Not just yelled her named. After 8 freakin' months It has been done. Wanna know how? Thought you would. Most of you will have to thank my now best friend in the whole wide world: Andrew. After the past couple of days/weeks, Andrew has been telling me that he has been seeing her after school. I told him that, if he sees Amanda, to tell her to wait. The past attemt didn't end up right. To be quick, I didn't change after Basketball (I needed my PE clothes anyway). I told Andrew what to do. He just said, "Yeah, yeah. I know". I got my stuff out of my locker (Which wasn't much since all I have for homework is practicing "Christmas Meledy" for a test on my violin) and went and sat outside at the table I was at on Friday. I took my phone out of my pants pocket out of my backpack and set it on the table, and waited. In my mind I was thinking, "He'll probably not find her, or mess up again". About 2-3 minutes later my phone was vibrating on the table. It was Andrew. I was think ing, "...Oh". I picked up. - Hey Dude, I have her next to me. We're coming out the front. ...Okay, good. Where are you? Um... I'm at the... uh, table in the front. You know. Ok, bye. - My heart started pounding incredibly fast. It was hard to stop myself from glancing at the door. I saw them. Come. Unfortunatly, though, she was with one of her friends. The small one with glasses, fortunatly (Not the one I know). I was just staring at my phone trying to look like I wasn't expexting her. They came over. I was just hearing Andrew say as he was walking,"... He's just been annoying the c*ap out of me and I just want this to end!" Before I say anything else, I'll just say that I did not see one negative look on her face. As she was walking up she looked curious. As she saw me, it seemed that she was growing a...grin? And she was smiling the entire time I was talking to her. Back to the story: This what I said. Casually, as if I was talking to a friend. Hey, do you think... like sometime tommarrow morning I can meet you, because I need to tell you something. I just want to do it tommarrow morning because I can see that you're leaving right now. *Happily* Sure. You can just meet me by my locker. Ok, sure. It wasn't much... but I broke the wall. I whispered to Andrew after she and her friend left,"I'm sorry that I'm going to cuss but, you're the best *****ing friend in the whole freaking world!" His response was,"I know " On they way home, Andrew told me what happened on his side (no negative signs either); He got his stuff from his locker and saw her at her's. He went over to her and said,"Hey Amanda." She said, started, "What?" "Could you please come with me?" After a bit she said, "Where are we going?" He replied, "You'll see." Then that's when I saw her. So that is it my friends. DEFINETLY more coming tommarrow. ~/\mphilus

That's what I meant.