The Fallen Amph

This is not a "story" entry. Just some points I wish to address about Amanda. Also rant on things relating to the subject. So. This entire thing has been going on for about 8 1/2 months. This is really pathetic. It should have been done, at the most, one week after it started! Sorry. Self pity is very bad for your health. Why. That is the question (No Shakespeare quote intended). I'm… not really afraid. I'm just--- I plan things out, and imagine how they would play out. But when the moment comes, it feels like there a wall between us. Where neither of us can do anything. Occasionally there will be a small hole in that wall. But then quickly sealed by the cement called fear. Nervousness. All of the times I've spoke to her so far, have had… err, not bad consequences. This why I need real advice. Not just "Go up and talk to her, it's not that hard!" … We've already gone down that road. I'm afraid because I really like her. In which leads me to my next topic: average middle school relationships. (This info regards almost 65% - 79% of middle school boys. Based on years of experience and seeing things taking place.) Obviously Biohero Codrex doesn't count. Anyway, when a boy likes a girl this is what their general idea of what they will do together. "Give "cute" comments together and Make out ( )". This is what they say (or a variation of this): "You're hot! Will you go out with me?" (Please. Someone with a knowledge of school slang, tell me what "go out" actually means?) Frigging morons. Even I know that's really blunt and stupid. ---- I actually really like Amanda. A lot. Not, definitely not even one thousand miles close attracted to her… the other way. She's just… very pretty… to me. Even though we've never met each other, I feel like we already know each other. It's weird. That is why I'm devoting my time to this. I really like her. My idea what would happened if she does like me and wants to start over is this. We will slowly become friends and hang out with each other's friends. Possibly start going to each other's houses. I take her some places (maybe) until that moment when… I think you should like a person for who they are and how you are alike. Not all on looks. My question is as stated above. Please help me my friends.

I know. It's wierd. Stay on tonight, new entry.

An... odd thing happened today. Same routine (as always), until after school. I told Andrew (because he says he awlwats see Amanda afrer school) to tell her to just wait for me if he sees her. I was outside wondering where he was, when I called him. I asked him what he was doing. With the reception inside the school being extremly bad, I couldn't hear what was saying. My mind just decided that he told her and that she next to him. I went inside and asked him what he did. He said that he just told one of her friends (who he knows) to tell her to stay in the building. HA. Like that worked... >_> Amanda ws hanging out with "B" outside where I was. Today was the day me and Andrew had English with, and Andrew told me about this joke he said to her sense she got a tooth pulled out ("Hey, toothless!"). Anyway he said that she was playfully "Trying to kill him". Anyway, they were sitting in the front talking. Andrew and I were behind a pillar and he was "persuading" me with a sharp pencil. And, since him and "B" were friends, I told him to go tell that joke again. He grudgingly agreed. We (He) went and said it, and some other stuff until, unfortunatly, Amanda said, "There's my mom" = Andrew: Oh great! Another day wasted! I was thinking drastically. She was about around her car when I yelled her name. I was just about to yell what I was going to say ("Do you think you can find time in the morning or something? I need to tell you something.") I was interrupted buy this = Her: :blush: *waves* Did not expect that.

Hmm... Huh. ~/\mph

That's exactly what "Fry" said to me sarcasticly a cuople minutes atfer the thing ended. I just sarcasticly said, " Thanks." This kid has a grudge on me. This is the second time this kid has pulled a sarcastic joke on me.

What do you mean by the "Backpack thing"?

I'm Baaaaack. This is an entry about the events of this week. This is basically what happened on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday = We're afraid to talk to each other so nothing happened. NOW the interesting stuff was on yesterday and today. Just so people don't get confused; Brent says he is friends with her (not the way you think). Anyway, Thursday went like any other, except for the fact my teacher surprisingly showed one of my movies in photography ^^. After we ate lunch, I was just following Brent around when I saw him go over Amanda's group. I just thought,"*shrug* Okay". Anyway, she saw me, I saw her. Throughout 1-4 minutes of standing near the group with Brent, I was hearing the phrases, "ask out" and "he's right there". And every time I glanced over at her, she was looking at me. Then, out of nowhere, one of her guy friends points at me (so straight that all I saw was his fingertip) and says, "There he is, do it!'', then I moved to the left and he put his hand down 1 ½ seconds later (so it could've been anyone). At the moment though, I thought nothing of it. A bit later, I was just talking to Brent's brother, when he walked by with something in his hand. "What is that?" I asked. "Makeup" Brent said. "…who's?" I replied. "Amanda's" he said. "Oh coooool" I thought sarcastically. Then he held it up and (because of bad eyesight) I ducked and silently cursed. Then I looked at it and realize that it is not perfume, because I thought he was going to spray it in my eyes. It was just the… normal, soupy… liquidy… stuff. Then he says, "Go give it to her, this is your chance." I just refused. So then he just tosses it on the ground near her feet. Then some people (consisting of… just basically Brent's brother) thought it would be "funny" to put the tube on the ground and see if people would come by and step on it and make it explode. >_> I wasn't really paying attention to this, but once I saw it was too late I was just saying that, "You guys are mean…" That is Thursday. Now this is Friday. Ok, normal day. Did my normal @mnda routine. Check for her in morning; look for opportunity at lunch, same, same. Today I thought I would have a good opportunity after school 'cause my dad didn't have to pick me and Andrew up (since he was going to some church thing), and I had to bring my gym clothes home to be washed, so I could just leave Basketball without changing (get a good 3-5 minute head start before the bell rang). So I went to my locker to get my stuff. About 10-ish spaces away from my locker, a girl I was partially friends with from my English class (I mean, I used to sit next to her and we got along well. You know what I mean, right?) Walks over to the group of her friends and asks, "Have you seen Amanda?" You'll why this is important in a sec… So I go out in the front of the school (on the left side of the door where there are tables and chairs. So I sat there "waiting" for my dad. As I sat there I watched Amanda mess around with her friends. She seems like a very fun-loving person. Anyways, it seemed that her guys friends (Glasses kid 1, Glasses Kid 2, and French Fry… lets just say they are… *ahem* S-M-A-L-L… like, 1 ¾ feet shorter than me) were playfully stealing her backpack and the girl I know (We'll just call her, "B") and Amanda were trying to get it back. They were running around for a while. At one moment, B had her backpack. Then for some reason, it seems to me that she was… dealing with her? It heard yells like "No!" and stuff like that, and almost the entire time this was happening, she was looking at me. A few minutes later, I realize that glasses kid 2 was one of my friends from gym. He, glasses kid 1, and French fry come over to me sitting at the table. "Hey Michael." GK2 says to me. "Hey." I responded. "What are you doing?" "Waiting for my dad." I replied. Then, we exchanged comments for a… minute, then they went back to what they were doing previously. To my surprise, a few more minutes later, guess who? Amanda and "B" come over to me and ask, "Are you a trusted backpack guarder?" I say, casually, "Yeah. Why?" B says, "We need you to guard our backpacks from them." Amanda says to me, "Will you help us?" I replied (again, casually), "Yeah, I will." So they set their backpacks next to mine underneath the table I was sitting at. The first thing I thought was, "…Hmm… Wow." So anyway, I saw GK1 coming up on my right, and I easily evaded him as he tried to go under and around the table. He eventually grabs Amanda's backpack, but I grab him/the backpack before he began to run away. Easily. The first thing I thought was "Heck no! No, no, no, no." But, then, I forgot about GK2 and the "Fry". GK2 grabbed (what I am guessing) B's book bag, but I did the same maneuver that I did on GK1. So I had one hand on Amanda's backpack, one on B's. And you know how when you're hanging on to something with one finger and it gets all numb and warm? Yeah. I was being pulled by two kids and I had my small finger on Amanda's backpack, and it just let go. I could've done a lot more, but I didn't want to hurt the kids. Physically and socially. They eventually got their backpacks and I left, but as I was leaving Amanda kept looking at me funny… A very strange week. ~/\mphilus

Join the club man. BTW, it was Andrew who told me. It's a habit I'm trying to break. It's not real serious, but I'd just like it to stop to an extent. Please explain my friend. I was thinking that she was afraid like I am. It was the casual look.

... ... :angry: ... Lucky.

WARNING: LONG ENTRY!!!! This entry is going to talk about the events of last night, but before you think this won't be "interesting… You're wrong. Ok, yesterday was Brent's birthday party (happy freaking 13th). We were going to see Eagle Eye, then have dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings (J), the go back to his grandparent's house to have a sleep over and play games and stuff. The people who went are people mentioned in past entries: Me, Andrew, Trevor, and Chase. Along with Brent's brother, Cameron. So Brent's dad picked me up at my house along with Andrew at 3:10. We went to his grandparent's to drop off our stuff (I brought my camera, cuz we were planning on documenting his birthday), and waited there until 4-ish til the movie started. The movie rocked! Very action-y and freaky. Onto, Buffalo Wild Wings (if you don't know what it is, it's a chicken wing place sports bar), where were having cake and presents and stuff. For about a couple of minutes, we all tried to get Superman out of a plushy machine. Then, Chase and Trevor went to go play this hunting simulation game. It was Andrew, Brent, Cameron, and I sitting at a table, and we were bored. I had 5 dimes in my pocket, so I made up a game called "dimes", where one person is the ref and he asks the other people "Heads or Tails", then if the guess the right answer, they get a dime. If they tie with someone, they do the same thing. After a couple minutes we stopped. No one was talking to me so I mellowed out. Andrew went to the bathroom… About 2 minutes later, he comes up to me out of breath: Me: Dude, what's wrong with you? Andrew: Amanda's HERE!!!! Me: … Dude, no… no she's not. Andrew: YES! Brent + Cameron: Really? *Goes and checks* Them: Yeah, she is! Over by the bathrooms! Me: Fine. I have to wash my hands anyway. But, if you're lying, I'm not taking this bullc### anymore. So me and Andrew started walking towards the bathroom. As I turned the corner, I ate my words. She was there. Out of ALL of the people in my grade that I knew that could've been there, she was. She was there with, what seemed to be, her dad and… I don't know. Bad eyesight. I went into the bathroom and the first thing I said to Andrew was, "I don't care who hears. ####." It's weird. I've always imagined this happening while buying a Bionicle or something. We got back to the table. This is where the "fun" begins. All of the people there knew about her and I. Once Brent told me they were seated, everyone, at random moments, were always walking by or near them to annoy me. But to tell you the truth, I enjoy these moments. I only get angry when they actually endanger the situation. Back to the story, Brent now tells me that they're friends (not, you know… He's actually told me very clearly he doesn't), and that they said hi to each other, and that it is not that hard. Also, I don't know if this is an insult or not (or if she means me), but he also said that she asked him, "Who's that blonde girl sitting near you?" *points at personal photo* Luckily, I'm getting a hair cut tomorrow. But, I think this is what steals it. A bit later on, Brent passed them and he said it kind of looked and sounded like her friend was pressuring her to go over to where we (Ahem… I) were. He heard her say she didn't want to cause she was too afraid. Also, I had a habit of looking over to where she was, and most of the time, when I looked, she was (sorta, 79% chance, I don't know) peeking over the wall (You know, those things that are in between booths in a restaurant?) at me… Anyway, once chase and Trevor knew (And Brent's dad chimed in) everyone started chanted my name. I just slouched in my chair in an embarrassed/happy way. I'm just hoping she didn't see what I got Brent—I got him a Barbie doll as a joke but the present was Premium Series Ironhide (>< Hey, he said he wanted it). Well now we know more, right? ~/\mphilus

As you can, see I've changed my name to Amph (Thanks BioHero Codrex), and as you can see by the two blocks on your left that I'm changing my design. Please still call me Amphilus or Amph.

Either Amph or Anphilus Prime

I'm thinking about changing my name. But not too much. Just enough. I want to make it more robotic. Get rid of the "lus" at the end. Makes it soud too animal like. These are my current ideas: Amphilus Prime Amphitron Amphicron If you hsve any ideas for me, tell.

Andrew actually did that to me when I passed up the perfect time to talk to her. Seriously.

Nothing happened today. In the morning, I couldn’t find her. At lunch I found her, but she was with, almost all, of her friends. After school was weird. I was waiting on the front grass for while then I went inside with a friend because he forgot his textbook. I saw her there with friends, then she left. I went back to the grass to wait for Andrew. I saw her talking on her phone in a corner in the front of the school. I saw Andrew, and I had a hunch that she was leaving and volunteered to go check. After three minutes I went to check where he went. After I passed her, she started walking towards where I just was (where her parent picked her up yesterday). When I found Andrew he said when he saw her he saw that she was peeking behind the corner to look at me. As if… she was hiding. I’m hoping that this is all a coincidence. If not, I’m still going to try, but not as “high-hearted”. Thank god it’s not friday. Then I’d be in trouble. Wish me more luck. ~/\mphilus

Or at least said what I could. As she was getting into her car to leave, we were about 4 yards away from each other, I said - Me: Amanda! Her: *turns* Me: I need to tell you something tommarrow! The reason I didn't say what I needed to was that she was just leaving. If I said what I'm planning on, it would have taken 15 minutes. Back to the main story, It didn't look like she was saying anything back (hey, what do I know? Without my glasses I cant see the important details of a person's face), and I even if she did I wouldn't have heard because there was a running bus next to me. Then we stared at each other for about 1-2 seconds (It wasn't awkward, it was... good), then I turned away. What's really surprising to me is that, through all of the times we've looked at each other, I've never gotton a "dirty look" or an awkward one... ... Ponder. ~/\mphilus

I guess I'll be hangin' around here for a while then.

Nice name, but I still like Torhuli the best. P.S. What do you use for your blog images? ~/\mphilus

How disgustingly cute. ~/\mphilus

These are the events that occured on Friday and Thursday. While leaving school on Thursday, Andrew pointed her out walking across the street towards the school. We went to see if I could do it. But then she just disapeared. We went toward the school where we saw these two kids we knew. Without my permission >_> Andrew asked them if they had seen her. They said: Kid 1: Do you want to ask her out? Andrew: No. Kid 1: Michael? Me: No... err.. Brent wants us to do it for him Kid 1: Oh my G*d! Kid 2: Are you serious? The reason I didn't say i liked her was because my ex-friend was behind us. He hates me and thinks I'm stupid. He sits behind me in Math and I didn't want him to make fun of me about it. I'm not afraid. I just wanted to avoid it. Also, Kid 2 was in her class last year, and he volenteered to help us find her. Once inside, I told him I liked her. His response was: That's what I thought. We looked we couldn't find her. An hour wasted. But let's leave this and talk about Friday. Do you remember that friend that I mentioned? The small one that's not "evil"? In social studies, I had to be her partner for a paper we had to do. When I found this out, I thought,"Ah man. Awkwardness." But actually we got along great. We had little laughs here and there and stuff. After school I did my normal routine. Get out of basketball as fast as possible. Hurry to my locker and get my stuff, and wait until she gets to her locker and an oppurtinity arises. But it was different because I had to wait for Brent and Andrew 'cause they were coming home with me to have the premiere of BRAWL. Anyway, that when Brent tells me: There's some rumor going around that I like Amanda! Me: Re--..Ooooh yeeeaaah. Kid 1 must have spread a rumor around like wildfire. I explained to him what happened and he said he'd hurt me if I didn't fix this. As we were leaving, we lost her location. Then me and Brent just went around just to check if she was there. And she was. It was one of the rare times I have a second chance. I would have done it, but unfortunatly my dad was getting mad because I was wasting time. So on monday I'll just come up to her and say Brent doesn't like her (she should be relieved by that) then I'll slowly ease into what I'm going to say. ~/\mphilus

*Puts hands together* Well. I've got news today. Not really... good news. First off, it seems that Amanda and Jackie are friends again. Great. More ways to ruin my life. Now onto the unfortunate news. Today, Andrew said while he was in line buying something at lunch when she came up to this guy in line and hugged him and said "Hey cutie". Then I saw the guy sitting with her and her friends a bit later on. Could mean anything. But, I'm still gonna try. If they're "going out" I'll find out from her.

I just listened to it. It's... not... that bad. It's just... not great. The lack of use of the guitar in the beginning (before the main chorus) kinda made me loose interest. But believe me when I say Creeping in my Soul and Gravity Hurts were a lot better. ~/\mphilus

Do you think I'm boring? BESIDES the things about Amanda and my life. I'm talking about stuff like my movies, art, Bionicle, Transformers, etc. It's just that they don't get a lot of attention. I'm not mad, I'm just wondering. Also, I'm trying to find my new colors and color blend for my posts and entries. I have thought of these - Red and Regular Amphilus Dark Blue Red and Gray Regular Amphilus Dark Blue and Light Grey Regular Amphilus Dark Blue Lighter Blue Dark Red Just Black See ya.