Sybre

How about we stop at that rock with the sirens on it?

Of course it was! (laughs) But I'm not sure if people will believe the Davy Jones thing...

(Godzilla breakdances into the ocean, stirring up a ton of waves, but no man is injured or swept away.) Woo! Tortuga, here we come!

(Davy Jones utters the name, "Calypso.", falls for an excruciatingly long time, then lands on his head with a sickening crunch. I then walk onto the beach with a burlap sack.) Congrats, man. I got something for ya'. (I dump all of our fallen men out of the sack.)

(Davy Jones is riding on the head of Godzilla, who walks out of the ocean and roars. The crew books it, saying "nope" the whole way.)

(The ocean cringes and barfs up a ton of sharks onto the beach.)

(The sharks begin to suicide bomb the crew, having disastrous results.)

(The crew thanks you about a hundred times, but say there's more on the way. They fight bravely and there seems to be less casualties.)

(The men are too disturbed to interfere, thus ignoring their comrade's screams. Meanwhile, another shark crash lands on another man and turns into a woman rubbing ketchup and mustard all over her large belly.)

(A shark lands on a man, but doesn't kill him. Instead, the shark tuns into a fat, hairy man who's rubbing olive oil on his body.)

(Since these sharks are the big, hostile, predatory kind, they tank a few bullets before plummeting to the beach and crushing some men. Some try and dive at the men in an attempt to eat them. One Great White dives for Axilus.)

(The sharks all jump out of the water and start flying.)

(Davy Jones angrily sends sharks to the beach in order to avenge the gentleman.)

(The spider explodes, sending flaming sprinkles on everybody.)

(The gentleman puts on a horrifying smirk. His leg regenerates and he grows four extra arms. He then slowly transforms into a giant spider, utterly terrifying the crew.)

(The hit not only severs the gentleman's leg, but also causes him to sneeze sprinkles onto your face.)

(The gentleman is hit by both attacks, stumbling backwards as a result. He examines his wound before taking a swing at you.)

(The gentlemen throws scones at the rocks midair, causing both the scones and rocks to explode into sprinkles. "Oh, jolly good!" he says as he readies his sword.)