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Bitter Cold

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  1. Bitter Cold
    Dear LEGO:
     
    Allow me to present my silly thoughts about the new BIONICLE sets at Toyfair. Without actual names or images, because I'm too lazy.
     

    » Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «TANKFORMER: Awesome. Just..awesome. The rider's arms are stupid, but the wires coming out of his head are sweet. And the machine is epic. 
    TANTRAX: A poopier version of Jetrax. But the tan and the giant wheel are pretty great. Actually, it kinda resembles a scorpion. That's neat, I guess, but the colors are too much.
     
    MATA NOOEE: Eh. Disappointing. The waist is way too thin. His weapons just crawled out of Mahri Nui.
     
    BLUE MAN GROUPIE: No. No no no. Augh. Rubber weapon, grey shoulders, tenseness...unarmored warrior with a horribly mutated disgrace to a Miru. And what is his life counter doing stuck to the back of his head?
     
    ESKIMON: The colors work. But his head looks like a cat. And he has very few good pieces.
     
    SO EASY A CAVEMAN COULD DO IT: Cool. I like the club..but it's kind of clunky for LEGO. I'd have preferred a few more pieces. He's awesome, but the legs are boring.
     
    TAHU V4: Much love. Mata red. Orange. Mata red. Orange. Mata red and orange. And some Vahi leg armors, which I like especially because they can swivel. The sword is kinda not-great, but it's okay because he's so cool.
     
    BEN 10: I like the round part of his head, but the vines kill the usefulness..or are they snakes? His weapon is a throwback to the Rahkshi, but a failure. Eww. Tube's cool though.
     
    THE CHEAP VEHICLE: Is better than the blue vehicle. The treads are win, and the shape is just fun. But skis make little sense in a desert...
     
    ROLYPOLY BIKERS: Eh. Helmets are cool. Blue's cool. Not executed well. Oddly tiny wheels.
     
    SPIKITMOBILE: Spikit is fail squared. Giant clunky heads...no color balance..no new pieces.. Orange McOrange's legs suck, but he's alright. Weird mask is..get this..Weird. Vehicle is pathetic.
     
     
     
    MOAR NOTES: Get somebody who knows what a BIONICLE is, to pose them. Please. Also, the new canister lids are cool. And I kinda like the movie-style mask thing, where the mouths show. That's fairly neat, and a lot of fans are going to explode with joy over it.
  7. Bitter Cold

    One Week

    By Bitter Cold,

    It's been one week since you looked at me
    Cocked your head to the side and said, "I'm angry."
    Five days since you laughed at me
    Saying, "Get that together come back and see me."
    Three days since the living room
    I realized its all my fault, but couldn't tell you
    Yesterday you'd forgiven me
    But it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry
     
    Hold it now and watch the hoodwink
    As I make you stop, think
    You'll think youre looking at Aquaman
    I summon fish to the dish, although I like the chalet swiss
    I like the sushi 'cause it's never touched a frying pan
    Hot like wasabe when I bust rhymes
    Big like Leann Rimes
    Because I'm all about value
    Bert Kaempferts got the mad hits
    You try to match wits
    You try to hold me but I bust through
    Gonna make a break and take a fake
    I'd like a stinkin' achin' shake
    I like vanilla, it's the finest of the flavours
    Gotta see the show, cause then you'll know
    The vertigo is gonna grow
    'Cause its so dangerous, you'll have to sign a waiver
     
    How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
    Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
    I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
    Can't understand what I mean?
    Well, you soon will
    I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
    I have a history of taking off my shirt
     
    It's been one week since you looked at me
    Threw your arms in the air and said, "You're crazy."
    Five days since you tackled me
    I've still got the rug burns on both my knees
    It's been three days since the afternoon
    You realized it's not my fault not a moment too soon
    Yesterday you'd forgiven me
    And now I sit back and wait till you say you're sorry
     
    Chickity China the Chinese chicken
    You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'
    Watchin X-Files with no lights on, were Dans la Maison
    I hope the smoking man's in this one
    Like Harrison Ford I'm getting frantic
    Like Sting I'm tantric
    Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy
    Like Kurasawa I make mad films
    Okay I don't make films
    But if I did they'd have a samurai
    Gonna get a set of better clubs
    Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs just so my
    Irons arent always flying off the back-swing
    Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon
    'Cause that cartoon has got the boom anime babes
    That make me think the wrong thing
     
    How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
    Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
    I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
    Can't understand what I mean? You soon will
    I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
    I have a history of losing my shirt
     
    Its been one week since you looked at me
    Dropped your arms to your sides and said, "I'm sorry."
    Five days since I laughed at you
    And said, "You just did just what I thought you were gonna do."
    Three days since the living room
    We realized we're both to blame, but what could we do?
    Yesterday you just smiled at me
    'Cause it'll still be two days till we say we're sorry
    It'll still be two days till we say we're sorry
    It'll still be two days till we say we're sorry
    Birchmount Stadium, home of the Robbie
  10. Bitter Cold

    Poetry At Its Finest

    By Bitter Cold,

    A few hundred years ago,
    In Rome and in Greece, you know,
    A type of cuisine appeared
    Which at the time likely seemed weird
     
    To help their digestion progress
    The Greeks decided it was best
    For vegetables to come first
    Before even quenching their thirst
     
    Others would argue in time
    That the dressing they used spoiled wine
    And so they should serve the greens last
    After the wine had been passed
     
    In Rome they used plants as a cure
    For illness but you can be sure
    The Greeks weren’t the only to eat
    Vegetables along with meat
     
    After the collapse of Rome
    Europe was the idea’s home
    Traders from Italy and Spain
    Introduced it all back again
     
    The roman phrase herba salate
    Which was used to describe this new plate
    Was transformed into French as salade
    And that’s pretty much how it stayed
     
    In the nineteenth century here
    In the United States it was clear
    A food this unique must be sold
    But the stuff needed to be controlled
     
    Chefs found mixed greens needed order
    They even used Jell-O like mortar
    To keep the components apart
    And turn salads into an art
     
    Over the years it has changed
    And the types have become much more ranged
    But the history of the humble salad
    Is at least long enough for a ballad.
     
     
     
     
    We had to write a ballad for Lit II. I don't really like salad that much.
  14. Bitter Cold

    The Ninjas

    By Bitter Cold,

    I woke up this morning and everything was different
    Something was strange in the air
    I woke up this morning and everything was different
    I knew that the ninjas had been there
     
    I looked all around my bedroom, underneath the dresser
    Behind the bed, but nothing could be found
    There was nothing left behind them, nowhere that I could find them
    No fingerprints or crumbs on the ground
     
    The ninjas are deadly and silent
    They're also unspeakably violent
    They speak Japanese, they do whatever they please
    And sometimes they vacation in Ireland
     
    The ninjas are deadly and silent
    They're also unspeakably violent
    They speak Japanese, they do whatever they please
    And if you tear off their masks they'll be smiling
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