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SPIRIT

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Blog Entries posted by SPIRIT

  3. SPIRIT

    Olives

    By SPIRIT,

    Today I'm going to complain about people who like olives, but not for the reason you might think.
     
    Personally, I love olives. Black, green. Can't get enough of them.
     
    My beef is with people who buy olives with the pits still in them.
     
    If you people are out there, why do you do this? We live in the information era. No longer must we be beholden to pits in our olives. For 3000 years the peoples of the Mediterranean struggled with this minor inconvenience, and now we have a factory machine that saves us the trouble. Anecdotally a random food blog I found on Google suggests that including the pit improves the presentation of the olive. Oh please, get over yourself. It's just going straight in your mouth anyway, and if you don't include the pit you can finish your meal even faster and get on with your miserable food blogging life. Now some of you may be thinking, "Hey, isn't it cheaper to buy the ones with pits in them? I'm on a budget, man!" Look, buddy. If you can afford olives, you can afford ones without pits in them. It's such a minor additional cost for a massive increase in quality of life. I dream of being about to pay an extra dollar to make my other minor inconveniences go away, and here you are spitting in the face of science.
     
    In conclusion, I'll probably never work as a food critic.
  4. SPIRIT

    Beards

    By SPIRIT,

    It's hard to believe that it was just over two years ago that I decided to become a full-time bearded man. There's a surprisingly deep subculture surrounding the grooming of one's facial hair, I've learned.
     
    Before committing, I made the conscious decision to look at what other men were doing and pick and choose what I wanted for my own face. One of the things I learned from this is that different men have different bald spot patterns on their face. So a beard like Jafar's might just grow like that naturally rather than being the product of careful shaving.
     
    Another thing is moustaches. Some people have a large canvass of hair follicles for moustache growth (see also Tom Selleck), whereas others do not. It seems to me unless you can grow a Selleck-esque moustache, you're probably better to go with at least a goatee if not the full beard. The ol' pencil moustache just ain't cutting it these days (especially if you wear those giant glasses from the 1970s -- I think that gets you immediately arrested).
     
    And don't think you can cheat the system by going with no moustache. That's right, Amish people. A moustache on its own looks good, a moustache and beard looks good, but a beard without a moustache looks awful. Obviously no Amish people are reading this, but if you see any Amish people, let them know I think their practice of going moustache-less is very silly. (As well as their reasoning for it, but you can look that up on your own time).
     
    Now what else...
     
    A good beard is well-trimmed around the edges. Make sure you shave off those stray cheek hairs and your neck. Probably follow the jaw-line for that. That's a good rule of thumb. I notice a lot of guys don't do that, and once you go past a certain length, it just doesn't look good. A jaw-line beard really adds definition to your face.
     
    And then there's women with moustaches. Hate to break it to you ladies, but if men have to groom our facial hair, you definitely have to groom yours. Yadda, yadda, beauty on the inside, but it takes like two seconds and makes the world of difference.
     
    Personally, I do the full beard to the jawline, and I think my ideal length is somewhere around 3/8 inch, but it is fun to grow it out every now and then to feel a little regal.
     
    How about you guys? What's your facial hair situation?
  5. SPIRIT

    Sugar, Spice

    By SPIRIT,

    Sugar...
     
    Spice...
     
    And plastic pellets...
     
    These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect little Toa.
     
    But Professor Artakha accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concotion -- Energized Protodermis
     
    Thus, the Toa Nuva were born!
     
    Using their elemental powers, Tahu, Gali, Lewa, Kopaka, Onua, and Pohatu have dedicated their lives to fighting crime and the forces of Makuta!
  6. SPIRIT
    omg i have so much i should be doing right now why am i making a blog about this okay spirit dont panic breathe in breathe out thats it oh dear how did things go so wrong everything was cool yesterday and now its all fallen apart i wonder if i could hire a secretary or personal assistant to help me deal with all this because this is just crazy i consider myself a person of roughly average intelligence and ability and i cant imagine how dumb people manage but i guess there arent many dumb people in my situation so it all balances out i wish i had a time machine so that i could just be six months in the future when my life is all figured out or even a crystal ball to tell me which paths to take would be handy i dont even care about causality or missing out on my true destiny or free will at this point im sure there are many outcomes that would lead to a happy ending good gravy its hard to type like this for comedic effect i guess many years of typing english class and reading have ingrained several difficult to break habit i wonder if this entry will even be legible or if it will get any reputation points its so weird that there isnt a better name for those rep points reppies repertoire im sure theres a pun to be made but my brain cant make it right now i guess i feel a little better after typing all this and things have certainly been worse but i think thats a poor excuse because i can imagine them being so much better i guess im going to repress that by playing video games speaking of which i cant believe sun and moon are almost out i am so hyped for generation seven im also hyped for civ vi and i would love to play more of that but i just cant commit the time right now and my computer is growing a little slow in its old age i think skyrim killed it man id love to do another playthrough of skyrim too on a modern desktop super gaming computer that would be so dope but obviously i wont have the time or the money for this for some time which i guess is the point of finishing my degree getting a job and starting my career i mean i figure i can build a pretty sweet gaming lounge for like five thousand bucks that should include computer chair tv wireless keyboard and wireless mouse i wonder what the range is on those things i guess it doesnt matter at this point maybe i can set up a receiver closer to my chair if theres an issue man i wish these were the problems in my life and not the bureaucratic quagmire i have to wade through right now also i should probably be studying oh crud and then theres that assignment i have due and dont even get me started on that comedy i was supposed to be writing oh well itll get done when it gets done okay this is probably enough they got the joke now i guess ill just drown my sorrows in video games and hope everything sorts itself out
  7. SPIRIT

    Dear Autocorrect

    By SPIRIT,

    Dear Autocorrect,
     
    Whilst I appreciate your wide array of word suggestions, never have I ever, nor will I ever mean to start a sentence with the abbreviated forms of Hawaii, Indiana, or Ohio. So when I start a sentence with "Hi", "In", or "Oh", for goodness sake, why do you keep correcting them to "HI", "IN", or "OH"?!?!! Why would anyone want that? Do you seriously expect me to believe that more people talk about the state of Hawaii than greet each other?!
     
    Yours Sincerely,
     
    Typing on touchscreens is hard, otherwise I'd turn you off and never look back
  8. SPIRIT

    My Ideal Squirrel

    By SPIRIT,

    This is what people are doing in the blogs these days, right?
     
     
    My ideal squirrel would be an eastern grey squirrel with a black coat. It would have a thick, bushy tail, and it would be able to bring me snacks or grab things from across the room that I'm too lazy to get myself. He could live in the tree in my yard and attack trespassers with acorns.
     
    Then when people complain, I could just say:
     
    "Wow, a squirrel threw an acorn at you? That's nuts!"
  10. SPIRIT

    Simple Grammar Trick

    By SPIRIT,

    Lay is to lie as raise is to rise.
     
     
    e.g.
    You can lie down or rise up.
    You can lay a book down or you can raise a book up.
     
     
    So it is incorrect so say something like, "I'm going to lay down for a bit." That's like saying, "I'm going to raise out of bed in the morning."
     
    But wait, using "lay" when you mean "lie" helps to remove any ambiguity between reclining and recounting falsehoods. In any case, the meaning is still understood! Besides, certain conjugations of the verb "to lie" can use the word "lay". Wouldn't it be more efficient to condense them into a single verb?
     
    Aha, yes, but we all know the true purpose of grammar is rarely to dispel ambiguity or promote efficiency, rather it is a useful marker of social class... You filthy peasant.
  11. SPIRIT
    The Jazziest JtO Spoof
     
     
    Yep, I said to myself. "SPIRIT, m'boy, it's high time you write this thing. Bionicle may be dead, but the people need you one last time!"
     
    Then I got very busy in real life.
     
    Then I caught a cold.
     
     
    So uh... chapter 2 is half done and will be released... soon... ish... *blows nose and downs more cold medication*
     
     
     
    Here's an excerpt:
     
    (Flashback to 2014...)
     
    President Lego: So that's the plan. We're bringing back Bionicle next year. Are you in?
     
    Pohatu: I am so totally in! What would Bionicle be without the bestselling Toa of all time?
     
    President Lego: Bestselling Toa? Oh wow, you're actually serious. Yikes.
     
    Pohatu:
     
    President Lego: Look, just drop off your bio on Merlin's desk and wait for us to send you the script.
     
    Pohatu: Aw man, I've gotta spice up my bio. Now what's cool, tough, and exciting? Hmm... I've got it. Australian Batman. I am a genius. No one will be upset by this at all.
  12. SPIRIT
    Hello friends.
     
    If you're anything like me, you use Facebook for three things:
     
    1) To stalk people (let's be real, that's why the website exists)
    2) To stay in the loop
    3) To message people
     
    Notice how "read stupid articles and dank memes" was not on that list?
     
     
    For quite some time now, I've been getting pretty sick of seeing dumb posts on Facebook. "So and So shared this dumb article on veganism", "What's her Face was tagged by a friend in this poorly made Vine", "Oh look, another post shared from a Facebook page for octogenarians". I could go on.
     
    This is ridiculous. I don't want to see any of this junk. But I also don't want to fall out of the loop on important issues.
     
    So what do I do?
     
    At the top right of every Facebook post, there is a drop down menu. If you click it, you can see the option to Hide All From X. This will still keep your friend's vacation pics, status updates, and relationship announcements, but hide any and all future garbage from that source that they might decide to share with you. I've been doing this for about a week now and my Facebook feed is much less terrible to go through.
     
     
     
     
    But wait, you said it doesn't hide status updates! What do I do if my friend keeps posting racist, sexist, homophobic, climate change denying posts?
     
    If that's the case, I think you just have a terrible friend. This is much harder to fix in a democracy with free speech. Vote for SPIRIT as dictator for life.
  13. SPIRIT
    Well, $140 later and my laptop works again. The guy said my laptop is unusably slow and I should get it replaced, but as far as I can tell it's back to normal.
     
    Anyway, my Pokémon...
     
    The day was April 8th, 2003. A young boy awoke excitedly on his birthday. On this very day, 3 years prior, he had received his first GameBoy and Pokémon game (Yellow) -- he had gotten his first Pokémon, a Pikachu on his tenth birthday. Truly this was the stuff legends are made of.
     
    But that was in the past. Pokémon Yellow was so last decade. Pokémon Ruby and Sapphire had just been released, along with the GameBoy Advance SP. It was a day for the history books when young SPIRIT popped his translucent red game cartridge into his new GBA SP and saw that opening cinematic before school that day. SPIRIT also received his starter that day, a Torchic, that would later become a Combusken and then a Blaziken.
     
    That Blaziken assisted SPIRIT faithfully through the Elite Four countless times, just managing to clench victory in the face of defeat. She rose to level 100 and followed SPIRIT for many years to come. She was transferred to Diamond Version, then Black Version, Black 2 Version, Y Version, and finally OmegaRuby. While the Pokemon in SPIRIT's pre-Gen III cartridges died as the batteries expired, Blaziken lived on.
     
    But everything changed when the computer glitch attacked...
     
    SPIRIT tried to transfer his OmegaRuby save (for he only had the digital version), to a bigger SD card, but the transfer failed. Now Blaziken, along with every main story team and competitive team SPIRIT had bred in the last 13 years had become trapped in cyberspace.
     
    If anyone knows how to restore corrupted 3DS save files, I will literally do anything for you.
     
    My babies are gone... There are children who can walk and talk that have not lived as long as some of the Pokémon I lost. I am in mourning.
     
     
     
     
     
     
    A song:
     
    Goodbye Blaziken
    Though I caught you in ball
    You used the move Sky Uppercut
    While those around you crawled
     
    They crawled out into battle
    And they tried to cause you pain
    With Psychic, Flying, Ground, and Water
    Though steadfast you remain
     
    AND IT SEEMS TO ME YOU LIVED YOUR LIFE
    LIKE A LITWICK IN THE WIND
    NEVER KNOWING WHO TO CLING TO
    WHEN THE RAIN SET IN
     
    AND I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO HAVE KNOWN YOU
    BUT I WAS JUST A KID
    YOUR LITWICK BURNED OUT LONG BEFORE
    YOUR LEGEND EVER DID...
     
     
    In memory of Blaziken (April 8 2003 - July 17 2016)
     
    "
    " -Blaziken 
     
     
     
    Okay, forget all that nonsense. I am a gosh darned genius. I took my corrupted file, put it on my computer, then I took a blank SD card, downloaded Omega Ruby again, then I pasted it onto the corrupted file, and it works! It works! My Pokémon are safe and sound!!
     
    BLAZIKEN IS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7Ln04baGik
  15. SPIRIT

    Charcoal Toothbrush

    By SPIRIT,

    Apparently these exist???
     
    I can't help but think that one day something went horribly wrong at the toothbrush factory, and some guy in marketing saw a golden opportunity.
  16. SPIRIT

    Stupid Questions

    By SPIRIT,

    Know what I hate? When you ask someone a question, they give you the answer, and then follow up with "don't you remember me telling you?"
     
    Well obviously not or I wouldn't be asking!
     
     
    And somehow I'm the dumb one in this situation.
  18. SPIRIT

    150, Dude!

    By SPIRIT,

    It has been brought to my attention that Pokémon Sun & Moon will be released in 150 days.
     
    Coincidentally, the last possible day of exams next semester is in 150 days, whereby I will be done with school forever.
     
    Either way, in 150 days, a world of dreams and adventures awaits!
     
     
     
    150 days...
  19. SPIRIT
    Hey guys, important PSA.
     
    The Internet is a pretty awful place. Tons of people yelling into the void, and I can't stop reading it all for some reason. So I'm asking all citizens of the Internet to do their part in making it a better place. It's not an easy task, but I think if we all take small steps, we can see some real change.
     
    Remember how as a society we decided not to do chain email forwarding? I mean, that did just morph into tagging people in the comments sections of random Facebook memes, but we managed to end the practice.
     
    What I'm asking everyone to do today is to stop perpetuating made up holidays.
     
    Apparently it's National Best Friends Day?
     
    That's not a thing. That's definitely not a thing. No one gets time off, they don't make greeting cards for it, it isn't to commemorate the martyrdom of St. Bestius Friendius. It's not a thing. Stop posting about it.
     
    Here's SPIRIT's patented guide to figuring out whether a holiday is real:
     
    National + X + Day = Not a holiday
     
    X may represent any term, and if it's surrounded by the words "national" and "day", it's not a holiday.
     
     
    Let us all band together as a society this day and vow never to acknowledge the existence of these made up holidays. Let us forever remember today as National Don't Share Made Up Holidays Day. Let us --
     
     
    Aw dangit...
  21. SPIRIT

    Skull Grinder in 2012?

    By SPIRIT,

    So I'm playing LEGO: Lord of the Rings (because there was a Steam sale a while back and because I am the Lord of Procrastination), when I notice something strange.
     
    I turned on the Red Brick for Boss Disguises (which adds silly things to the bosses in the games), and then I fought Sauron.
     
    Gameplay shot.
     
    Cutscene.
     
    He's totally Kulta the Skull Grinder! See? Not only do they have golden masks with long spikes coming out the top, but they both carry giant black and orange maces! And this isn't a new game, it came out in 2012. That was 3 years ago (incidentally, today is its third anniversary, Wikipedia tells me). That was during the heyday of Hero Factory.
     
    Do you realize what this means?!
     
    LEGO plagiarized... itself!
     
     
     
    I'll call the cops.
  22. SPIRIT

    Philosophy

    By SPIRIT,

    I've thought long and hard about what I want my life to be about. There are so many philosophies out there, but I've found they're all pretty limiting in one way or another. But I think I've found the one that suits me the best.
     
    From now on, I'm going to be a humanitarian!
     
     
     
     
    I've already tried being a vegetarian, but I think this diet will be easier to maintain. Just don't tell the cops. They're already pretty upset after my egalitarian diet. Which is a shame, because eagles are just so darn tasty.
  24. SPIRIT

    CIV VI

    By SPIRIT,

    Video games industry.
     
    Guys.
     
    I have my final exams when you're releasing all these games.
     
    Have mercy.
     
     
     
     
    Speaking of which, anyone here play Civ V?
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