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So I just compiled a list of all the stories I've ever written. Well, maybe not all of them, but the ones I can remember or find evidence of. And I'm not counting any school essays or story ideas that I've had but haven't started on. So just for fun I'll post some stats. I have 81 stories on this list.45 of these are Bionicle stories (I've written a lot more short stories and comedies than I thought... of course, nobody ever read most of them, but I digress)I lost about 25 of these stories when my laptop was stolen in 2007. At the time, that was the bulk of my collection that wasn't currently posted on BZPower. I had some of the files backed up on my home computer... but that had crashed a couple of months earlier and my parents had lost everything from that year, including all my files. So yeah, that year turned out rather blank computer-wise. I have since started rewriting some of the stories that I lost.I have about 8 stories that I counted as "In Progress." Some of them haven't seen much progress in a few years, but I'm still planning on completing them eventually.I've listed 37 of these stories as "Complete." This means I finished them and still have access to them.Of these 37 Completed stories, only 8 of them are non-Bionicle.I've marked 49 of these stories as "Epics" or longer chapter stories.25 are "Short Stories" which should be a self-explanation7 are "Short Epics." These are stories that are only a couple chapters long; I don't want to qualify them as full epics, but they're longer than short stories for sure.I would like to go through and list how long each story is, but that would take too much work. Plus, as mentioned earlier, I am missing a good portion of these stories, so I only have my memory about their lengths. And that's not considering issues of font size when determining page length either.Most of these stories were written within the last decade.I only remember 5 stories I started written before 2000, and those files have since vanished, so I can't say much about them.Again, I could go through the list and say when I wrote each one, but I only have accurate dates for the ones written past 2007 or posted on BZP, which would still leave my list fairly blank.That, and I've worked on some of these stories over many years.Of the stories I have listed, 0 or them are worthy of publication.So I really don't have high hopes of being an author.
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It's the end of the world as we know it! It's the end of the world as we know it! It's the end of the world as we know it! And I feel fine...
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Read Kulagi's Date! My first posted writing in a while, and it's for a contest. Even worst, it's for a romance story contest. Looking back, my best romantic coupling was between Kulagi and Sufina, so why not write a story about them? And because I don't do sappy "I luv you let's go over my feelings over and over" stuff, I decided to make it more of a romantic comedy, where everything that can go bad does. And since it's a comedy, why not include Triki, who gets the laughs out of any story (considering people actually read it, of course). I think this story is a nice combination of alot of stuff. Romantic feelings between Kulagi and Sufina as he tries to act smooth on his date; hilarity from romance-gone-wrong and Triki (who sometimes combines the two). Plus there's a short little action sequence at the end. The odds are this will be quite different from most of the entries, and there's the chance that it might be disqualified because it's good enough to go in the comedy forum (considering the Comedy forum has any guidelines beside a word limit, which this story achieved tenfold) But, hey, I'm rolling with it. And I'd especially like comments, even if its just to say what I messed up on. Anyway, thanks for reading. (Now it's your turn!)
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I'm bored, and that has never boded well for this blog, because crazy-long posts ensue. Now, you shall suffer or else stop reading... and really, why would you want to do the latter? (Okay, really, I'll try to minimize any suffering. I promise. Kay?) Now, as some of you should know... the Bionicle storyline has advanced. Things that we thought we knew have been turned up on their head. See spoiler for examples. » Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «Mata-Nui the island is a random chunk of land in an endless ocean, and the entire universe is underground. Nothing else up there in the universe of 01-03. Nada.Makuta isn't just a single guy who actually is big MN's bro. He's a particular member of a whole subspecies named Makuta. And guess what, his name isn't even close to sounding like Makuta, it's Terry!Oh yeah, as it turns out, Mata-Nui the Great Spirit is Mata-Nui the island. Or, more particularly, the island is his FACE! So the whole "universe" is actually part of a guy's insides, while he frolics in space spying on planets. And more. Basically, mysteries we've taken for granted are being solved. We know the Bohrok's true purpose, we know the extent of Matoran civilization (see new map on front page), and we even know who Lhii really way! Now, the problem comes in the form of fan fiction, where those of us with some creativity try to give our own answers to life's Bionicle's mysteries. Over time, when the mysteries get solved and we're proven to be totally, completely wrong, our "canon" work now becomes "OMG, noobish offstory stufflike substance." Which isn't particularly a bad thing, as suggested by a particular poll. But it does degrade stories that we would otherwise like to think would fit in nicely with the official storyline. I don't have any gripes about this. Most of my stories are made to fill in empty spaces of the storyline, or to provide "what if" statements... what if such and such happened at a given time. That stuff. And now some of my stories dating back from 03 don't quite fit in so well with the Bionicle story of today. So, mind me as I list some of my epics and say how they stack up to today's canon. But be warned... I will reveal spoilers from my stories, so if you want to read them but "I just don't has the timez!" them be warned. Read them, write out a lengthy reply to them, and then read this blog (and then comment). It all works. My epics (in chronological order from when I started them... roughly.) The Final Battle Description: The Bahrag go on a rampage across Mata-Nui, and the Toa and Makuta form an unlikely alliance to stop them. Canon?: No. First of all, there was a big thing about Mata-Nui (the spirit's) connection to the island. He was just a being like Makuta, connected (spiritually) to the island, which in being destroyed was killing him. Except the Bohrok were actually helping him out... oops. Oh, and Makuta had a change of heart... yeah, like that would ever happen. That, and he left in the end. Wouldn't that have been the best... Makuta changes his mind, has mercy, and leaves in 02. Ha. That was messed up. Time Disruption Description: When Tahu loses control of the Vahi, six Matoran go to a new reality where Makuta and the Bahrag rule the island of Mata Nui with an iron fist. Canon?: No. This is really a bummer, because I tried really hard to keep it in context as the story dove into 04 and 05. But it just doesn't add up. The Bahrag never had desires to control the island... that was all Makuta. And the universe was created when they tapped into the energy of the Vahi... Makuta didn't manipulate them, they did it on their own. And it doesn't really fit in with Makuta's plan either... if Mata Nui is really dying, why is he playing prison camp with the Matoran on his FACE instead of scheming below the surface? There are other things that were messed up too... I had Toa energy and elemental energy split up a few times, the Exo Toa weren't a miracle machine for use by Toa, but actually something Makuta uses himself. So while the canon part of the story makes sense (they return to a point before time was disrupted, and change things so time is never disrupted in the first place, thus never creating the alternate universe) the alternate universe itself doesn't fit in correctly. Oh well, it was still a kick butt story. A Bionicle Christmas: Description: Toa Santa is missing, and the Grinch is on the loose, and Kapura must find a way to save Christmas. Canon: Aside from the whole "they don't celebrate such a holiday, so there would be no reason for there to be a Toa Santa or a Grinch rahi to contest him" it wasn't too bad. Unfortunately, since the former is quite a big part of the story, this is a resounding "No" for an answer. The Tale of Jeni Description: A unlikely Matoran must become a hero to save her island. Canon: Far from it. It was supposed to take place on an island north of Mata-Nui... in the endless ocean where islands don't exist. :annoyed2: Oops. The Turaga was also a former Toa of Time... except Time isn't an element Toa control. Oops. And the main villain was a insectisoid Dark Hunter who was kin to Nidhiki. Well, Nidhiki wasn't originally an insect, now was he, and the Dark Hunters were more bounty hunters and hitmen rather than evil "control the universe" dudes... that position went to the BoM. Oops. And the whole story in general... a irregularly tiny Matoran turns into a ginormous Toa... The story could have gone somewhere if I kept at it, but it's no great loss. (Oh, and it had intelegent organic Giant Squid. I do hope to use this concept again) Slizers on Mata Nui Description: The Slizers help the Matoran fight against the Zarxec. Ongoing story. Canon?: Could be. It's still in progress, so I can still try to correct any misconceptions. The main problems; this is assuming the rest of the universe has been ignorant of what's going down in Metru-Nui, which isn't highly likely. And the whole "Zaru-Nui" history is now a mess... a sister city to Metru Nui. But perhaps... it was supposed to be a backup if Metru-Nui was ever destroyed... it is located north of the city, so theoretically it could just be further up in MN's head. And the Zarxec are mostly organic... but their original Master is said to have come from the outside and taken over... perhaps from outside MATA-NUI HIMSELF!! And we still don't know what his master plan is... mostly because I haven't thought it through. Maybe... just maybe... it is similiar to Terry's. However, this brings up the probem again that, would the BoM let this worm controlling dude have control over the city and jeapordize their plans? I wouldn't think so. And, this was supposed to start at the end of 2003, where Mata-Nui was at the point of iminent death. Well, I think the universe would be destroyed already if this had really happened. So there are a few minor errors, but who knows... maybe I can self correct them in the future. Kulagi's Kanoka Description: Kulagi has some fun on Metru-Nui and takes down Gragu. Canon?: Guess what. YES! This story didn't address any of the big, now solved mysteries. It dealt a little with EP, some of which may not be perfectly canon. It also described the making of Kanoka discs, in which my methods are probably more complex than the official ways (which, to my knowledge, hadn't been released when I first wrote the story) But the timing works; it's set in pre Toa Metru-Nui, where they have Dume and the Vahki but no Lhikan, no Dark Hunters, and no Makuta... just Gang Matoran. It could have easily happened in that period of time which marks "Metru-Nui's golden years." Can I brag about this one? You bet. Voya-Nui Story Description: A short tale of the Voya-Nui Resistance Team's struggle against the Piraka. Canon?: Mostly. If you follow the strick timeline of events on Voya-Nui, then there's no room for this little venture. But if you give it some leeway... some time between the capture of the Toa Nuva and the arrival of the Toa Inika... it doesn't break any big rules. (Okay, so Avak's axe can't shoot stuff, and maybe Zaktan isn't quite so immune to sonic blasts. Trivial.) Many Aventures Description: Ongoing story following Treglar and Rahlu. Canon?: You tell me, we're not done yet. It's supposed to take place on a big continent... not outside the influence of the struggles of the Matoran universe but not quite in the action. However, it's not the north continent or the south continent... and judging by the Matoran universe's map, there's not much room for an entire continent. Anyway, this one really isnt meant to be too canon... Mystery on Keli-Nui Description: My mystery story that none of you have read yet!! Canon: Yeah. Most of the problems here come with location, but it's not that bad, considering I wrote it last summer with 7.5 years of Bionicle knowlegde to go off of. The city itself was set on the northern end of one of the continents... or an unnamed island, I can't remember which. The story mosty took part in just the city, so if you can find room for that in the Matoran universe, you're good. It was also supposed to be part of Krika's territory. Really, the worst part of this story is it's LACK OF REVIEWS!! So my tally is 3 stories that mostly work and 1 that could (it's still in progress). Yay for canon in the Bionicle world! What's your tally?
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I have just spent the night brainstorming for my epic, Slizers on Mata-Nui. In general terms, it's an epic where I find something interesting to put in, and then run with it, like I had planned it all along. For instance, there was the use of the Vahki, which came out of nowhere, and the inclusion of Sunari, which was for a contest. But a while back I started a time line for the epic, placing basic events in the order I'd like to write them in. I revise it and move stuff around as I actually come to write about things, but I have some of the major twists and turns preplanned, such as the Matoran's initial capture, the attack by One-arm, and stuff like that. It's basic, pretty much saying who'll be doing what, when, where, and against who. Sometimes not even that much. It's crude, but it helps to guide me when I'm creating future chapters. Well, I've spent a good portion of the night lengthening that time line. It's taking up a lot of room in Excel, but it's good. There are lots of fun things I have planned out, and now I know where to put them chronologically. And I was also able to determine where specific characters will get their chance to shine. I really can't wait to write this, but I know the process can be slow when I get hung up on certain chapters. And I don't always get hung up on the same kinds of things... peaceful, planning chapters can be difficult if I want to foreshadow something that I haven't yet thought up, but if I know what I want beforehand they're easy to write. If I have already choreographed a fight in my hand, putting it into writing usually isn't too bad, but if I haven't some fights can take a painfully long time to write. That, and sometimes my inspiration just runs dry, or my time fills up. I can not make writing a career, because I have such a problematic style. But I'm not writing for cash... even if anybody'd pay me... I'm writing 'cause I enjoy to and I like to see other people enjoying my epics too. But, here's the thing... I have things planned up to 80 chapters, and that's just approaching the end. My biggest epic so far, Time Disruption, ended at about 63 chapters. However, it had a rather abrupt ending... a big, lengthy struggle was interrupted and a quick conclusion was drawn. I liked it that way because it didn't drag out an endless storyline... I had already summed up the minor character struggles and it was then simply a matter of holding out. One big battle was good, but I didn't want more and more of the same types of battles, so I used a wild card and took the main characters to a place where they could "make things right" and secure their friendship. That was, as I've said, 63 chapters. The chapter lengths were also shorter (although the spelling and grammar was worst) than SoMN, and posted more frequently. (Well, maybe not, but I managed to keep a bunch of reviewers until the very end). Slizers on Mata-Nui had already lost most reviewers, with a few still hanging in at 57 chapters. But can they hang in for 20 more chapters, especially when I can't promise that I can post them in a timely manner? When does an epic become too long that nobody bothers to every read it unless they were around when it first began? I don't know. I do know that when I post something and nobody replies, it makes me feel sad. I have seriously almost been put off writing a few times because of how poorly my epics have been reviewed here. But SoMN has a few constant reviewers, so I hope they can hang on until the end. And even if they drop off (be warned, Kumata, you drop this and I drop your epics too... ) I'll probably still post chapters. Since I started this epic in 2005, I've returned to it numerous times after long blackout periods. It would be really cool to see it concluded in a manner I like. And, even if it flops, I can work on other epics. Many Adventures is actually doing rather well for an epic with a new idea to it... reviewer participation ever time! If you haven't read either of the epics, I'd recommend them right away. but that's because I wrote them and I crave reviews. I honestly don't expect most people to take up the first 57 chapters of SoMN right now so they can see the conclusion in later chapters. But, hey, it's always worth a shot. And for those of you who do read SoMN... expect some really fun twists and turns. There are a couple of characters that I haven't used to their full potential, and now it's coming out. I'm going to have so much fun writing this!
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Before the Inika/Mahri ever became Toa, they were well known Matoran in the Bionicle universe (heck, four of them were the first Matoran ever released) For the most part, I’ve written stories including every single one of them (‘cept Matoro). Everybody likes to complain about how the Inika aren’t like their Matoran counterparts, me included, but that’s because I established their characters on my own, without Lego’s help. (Well, okay, they invented the characters, but I better developed them.) So, thus, this blog entry is devoted to describing the characters who became Toa in my universe. Matoro: (Appearing as a very minor character in a few short stories) While I never really developed Matoro’s character in any story, I have the basic description for him. He was serious, always seeming to know the answers to village problems (the minor ones). In my eyes, he was just a Matoran extension of the Turaga, who was maybe a bit more athletic than old Nuju but shared the same basic knowledge. Matoro was the authoritative figure in Ko-Koro, but when it came to the Ko-Matoran bizarreness, I always preferred to use Kopeke. My favorite use of Matoro was in an unpublished epic where he translated Nuju when the Turaga announced the Bohrok. ~ “They’re the Bohrok,” Matoro said, then gave a double take. “What! I thought the Bohrok were a legend!” Kongu: (Appearing in Slizers on Mata-Nui) In previous epics, most of my Le-Matoran were custom made (Duka and Triki) but I used Kongu for a group of refugee Matoran in the Slizer epic. Kongu was on the elite guard team because he was one of the more agile Toa, not to mention his previous duty in the Gukku air force. But Kongu’s character was the witty, sarcastic, pessimistic one. He was the kind to complain loudly when something went wrong. That’s sorta like Kongu’s Inika character, but I think he better resembles Kazi. But, like in the Legend Books, Kongu always gets the witty lines in my story too. ~ “Another fun-adventure?” Kongu asked. “Count me in.” Hewkii: (Appearing in Time Disruption and Slizers on Mata-Nui) Hewkii (formerly known as Huki) was always the athletic Po-Matoran. He knew a thing or two about carving, and new a lot about hating water. In TD, he got the slightly pessimistic/ complaining role. However, Hewkii wasn’t characterized in my stories by his bigheadedness or great confidence in his abilities (like he is in the Legend Books) but more by his compassion for his friends and Macku (formerly Maku). Hewkii was the guy who’d complain about a dangerous mission in one scenario, but rush in without thought to personal safety if his friends were in danger. I characterized Hewkii by his relationship with Macku. By completely ignoring that in the books, I think Hewkii’s official character just seems… different. I like him, but he’s not the Matoran with the brownish-orange Kakama that I write about. ~ “No you don’t!” Huki shouted. “You don’t understand what it’s like to have the Matoran you care the most about taken away from you!” Hahli: (Appearing in Time Disruption and Slizers on Mata-Nui… leading role both times) Hahli can be the most developed Matoran and very underdeveloped at the same time. Of course, playing as her in the MNOLG II made lots of people familiar with her and her abilities (heck, if you don’t remember all those stupid little tests she had to do to prepare for the Kohli tournament, then you obviously didn’t play them often enough). Then again, what was her real character? She was shy at first, but then she got over her shyness and became a bit adventurous. I always thought she went down the path towards being a fighter, kind of like Takua (I mean, he must’ve fought a bit during that Rahi attack at the Kini-Nui). So, thus, in my stories, Hahli is the one who becomes the warrior princess of Mata-Nui, or something along those lines. She was always ready for a challenge, but never got in over her head (well, in TD). In the Slizers epic, she want to reach that warrior status, but she makes a few mistakes along the way that she eventually corrects and learns from. But the Hahli in the books… she just doesn’t seem to contain the zeal of the Hahli I like to write about. Oh well. ~ “I’m always watching your back, Jaller,” Hahli said with a wink and a laugh. Jaller: (In Time Disruption and Slizers on Mata-Nui) Okay, so Jaller’s character has been strong since the beginning, when he was just this random Matoran in a Ta-Koro hut in the MNOLG. He was strict and militaristic, but smart and strategic. As time went on, we saw his great loyalty and bravery as well (and he had a crush on Hahli, but wouldn’t you know it, it’s hardly surfaced at all now that he’s a Toa). Thus, Jaller’s exactly like I envisioned him. He’s the leader, making battle and moral decisions all across Voya-Nui, even risking his life for his friends (okay, Matoro beat him to it once, but he was still going for it). I also like how he’s struggling with leading the others in Mahri-Nui, now that many think they could do better on their own. It’s the same Jaller who would lead the Matoran army in TD, and set off to search for Ahkmou (even though he doesn’t necessarily like him) in SoMN. But it’s not that the story of 2006 and I thought alike… Jaller’s characterization has taken place since 2001, so Lego and I were both building off the same basics. ~ Jaller shouted. “For Unity! For Duty! For Destiny! For the freedom of all Matoran!” Nuparu: (In Time Disruption, Slizers on Mata-Nui, and a couple of short stories that focus in on him) I never saw Nuparu as the confident Toa Inika he became. When we first met him in the online Bohrok episodes, I saw him as an average Joe Matoran who just had a good idea that worked. As an engineer, I could see him tinkering around with equipment trying to make something cool and new. But I never thought he would do great in a battle situation. Sure, in the Bohrok war, he was using his invention, so of course he had to try it out and battle. But sucking up Zaktan’s swarm and flying him into the bay… I thought that stretched Nupaur’s character. In TD, Nuparu did start out just as violent as his friends when attacking Bohrok and Rahkshi, but when Makuta captured him and revealed his weakness, Nuparu saw that he couldn’t just rely on his pick ax to get him out of situations. (Thus, he invented the ultimate Boxer). In SoMN, I made his character less polarized. He was part of the Coliseum infiltration group, but he wasn’t the one who was fighting… he was the one using the computers to give them an edge. Nuparu had a role in that society: engineer; and when he got thrown into a position as a warrior in the battle, he couldn’t do the intense fighting against the Zarxec that Kongu, Kopeke, and Kapura managed to pull off. In my short stories, while Nuparu progressed to a more warrior style status, he met with struggles that he had to overcome in the transition from engineer to warrior. I did not see that transition in the books, just an instant change. In a way, I wrote those short stories to justify that the Nuparu I wrote about could turn into that character that uses his name with the suffix Inika. ~ “I’m an engineer,” Nuparu said. “Not a chemist.” ~ “I’ve got to make something for this trip!” he said, and rushed to gather supplies. Did that bore you to tears? Oh well, I just kinda like writing about my own work rather than writing something new… still have this big writers block on SoMN… that and college readings.
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Now for some more descriptions of non-Bionicle stories that I’ve written but will probably never post on BZP. It’s not that the stories aren’t good, it’s just that they’re too mature for BZP’s main audience. (And I’m leaving most of that stuff out of the descriptions, so it’s all safe here. ) Elements Synopsis: A game producer convinces this kid to test a virtual reality game, but really it is just an experiment to see how well the game can act as a prison and trap somebody in the virtual world. The game, named Elements, gives characters elemental powers with weapons, and they have to go through levels and fight against various enemies (for example, ninjas). The worst part of the game is how realistic it is: you need nourishment like food and water, you feel pain if you’re injured or poisoned, and if you die, you die. (Thus being only a piece of computer coding, which could be recalled if the producer wanted you to come back… but he’s an evil twit, so the odds are against you.) Then four friends, searching for their first friend, also wander into the game and get stuck, and then they have to go through the game to find their first friend, and to just escape. They have cool elements (basics like air, earth, ice, and water), weapons (boomerangs, whips, and swords), and outside help (one friend, the computer geek, avoids getting stuck in the game and then spends time trying to hack into the programming and getting his own friends out). The basics for the story were obviously stolen. The major elements I based off Bionicle elements, and some of the attacks (creating huge columns of earth to rise up and strike down opponents) were stolen from Toa attacks. The whole ‘trapped in a virtual reality game’ idea was stolen from some cartoon show, which I referenced in the story without actually naming it (I forgot which it was, but I’m sure it was a cartoon). This story was written roughly three or four years ago. What’s Good: Since it was written while I was in high school, the whole story is written much better than previous work. To this I attribute having a few other stories already under my belt (Time Disruption had started when I was working on this one) and just a better knowledge of how to write based of my English classes (assuming I learned something from them). Anyway, the plot structure, character development, and action scenes are all much better than previous stories. This can also be attributed to it being a shorter story and better planned out. Unlike Ouch and Time Disruption, which were incredibly long stories that were updated over long intervals, this story was written over a Christmas break, in one go. It’s shorter (only about 100 pages) but contains enough that it makes a lengthy read. It flows very well, leaving no loose ends and summarizing about everything. (In fact, the sequel tweaked a few things to make it more believable). It’s probably one of my better stories yet. What’s Bad: There were still plot errors I missed… pieces of the story I just thought about but forgot to write in, which I have added back in with recent editing. Some of the relationships in the story seem cheesy and unreal… some of the political aspects for why the game existed in the first place are strained. There are a few side stories that are worthless, and in recent editing I’ve taken them out. Besides for a few unrealistic and clichéd items, the first story is really pretty good. The sequel that I’ve started but haven’t finished is worst… the horrible side stories go crazy and the plot is hardly there. The second story is not nearly as neat as the first one, and it pretty much throws everything up in the air and lets the reader just try to figure it out. I started writing the sequel to include some things I couldn’t fit into the first story, but then it just went out of control and I’ve somewhat discontinued it. Oh well, that’s how most sequels are. J.A.F. Adventures Synopsis: If you thought I’d leave Team J.A.F in the dust with the failed story ouch, you’d be wrong. Ouch was just the first story I wrote that included J.A.F., but I’ve had the idea for much longer. I wanted to use it again without all the complications presented in Ouch, so I thus began to write a series of short stories involving Team J.A.F., which incorporates the Midnight Zone (I should blog about that at some point). Anyway, most of the stories involve defeating some group of terrorists right before they pull through with their plot. (Thus, most of the stories end with “yay, we saved the day” or something like that). Just to spice things up, I’ve included a magical entity that is always sending problems in their direction. So far, I have four stories written in the series, with a fifth one in the making. I started writing these about two to three years ago. What’s Good: The writing really parallels the quality in SoMN. There are still flaws, but the entire story is something I don’t mind reading over again myself. There are some extremely good fighting sequences in them, where I describe complicated physical moves that totally take down an enemy. The character development in some of them is excellent, as various characters overcome their flaws and show personal growth… in the meantime beating up on the villain too. With a few minor edits for language and gore, I could probably post these in COT… but I don’t feel like it, so there. What’s Bad: There are some logic errors in there. One that I’ve already addressed in my latest story is the knack for terrorists to keep popping up in this certain town (the story is set in a big city-like environment, but I haven’t actually chosen any specific city.) It makes for a good story, as people of the same basic group of enemies keep popping up in the same place, using new techniques but still getting beaten in the end by the good guys. But it doesn’t really do any good logically, and seems more like a rip-off from Power Rangers (didn’t most of the shows in the first season end with them fighting some big monster in the same basic city setting?) But besides a few plot holes here and there… it’s not too bad, really. Some of my finer work.
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Here’s a quick look at one of my bigger stories, Ouch, that is not related whatsoever to Bionicle and wouldn’t work on BZP anyway. Ouch Synopsis: I started writing this about five or six years ago, around the time I was into Bionicle. It’s based off this story about a kid (who I decided to base of myself. Heh) who’s fighting this guy with magical powers and protecting two of his friends (who also have magical powers, but they don’t know he knows about it) from the first guy, who’s trying to steal their powers from them and take over the universe. The original story involves a lot of stealthy action and fights behind the scene, and in the end the bad guy is defeated and the protagonist wins. “Ouch” is a spin-off, in which the bad guy does take over everything. The first couple of chapters involve the main character (I’ll just call him Xccj for now. ) making quite a few daring escapes as the villain takes over the world. Xccj then saves all his friends, and tries to escape to mars to form a counter-attack. One notable thing is the inclusion of Team J.A.F., a superhero-ish group led by Xccj, which grants him the power to resist the villain in the first place. But the whole counterattack thing does work so well, as their escape ship gets blasted, and they shoot twenty years into the future, where the villain has complete control of most of the planet, and most of the human population is cryogenically frozen in storage on the moon. Then the story changes as Xccj and his friends form a resistance group, which fights various battles with the villain’s new army of humans (who were loyal to him and didn’t end up frozen) and robots. The first few battles are just so Xccj and his friends can survive, but they change as they begin to attack the villain, learning his secret plans and making a move on his fortress. About three or four years ago, I was writing the final chapters as they dove into the heart of the secret fortress and battled for the end of all things. (They do this twice. The first time, they blow up something that ends all life in the universe, so Xccj finds a way to go back in time a few days and change the course of things) But then I got distracted from writing it, and it hasn’t gone any further since then. What’s Good: This is my first real action adventure story. The whole thing was over 200 pages, and was so big that I had to break it up into separate Word documents to keep it from overloading the program as one giant file. The basic plot is one of my best ever, including various twists and turns that nobody is likely to expect. Then there’s a ton of emotional content, from relationships to coping with dead friends. (The cool think about the story is that the first time they go into the fortress and end up destroying the universe, Xccj’s companions die off one by one, but when he goes back in time, he is able to prevent some of their deaths) Then the battles… it was my first time writing detailed physical fighting sequences, and some of them turned out to be rather inventive. What’s Bad: Well, I still wrote this a while back, so the story suffers from writing flaws that I have improved upon. The overall plot is good, but side stories are often rather stupid and lead too far away from the initial story theme. Character development in a few select characters is good (Xccj, for example, as he is doing this all in the first person) but there are over twenty main characters in this story. Sometimes it feels a little stressed to include all of them. Some characters are flat, with a few strong points but not much substance elsewhere. The worst part is in battle sequences, I tended to rewrite the laws of physics, allowing a character to do something that seemed realistic at the time, but when I took actual science classes, I realized it was just totally wrong. Plus, the whole thing is just too long! I spent a lot of time discussing how one particularly odd plot hole can logically exist in the story, but it gets so boring that even I have trouble rereading it. This is a story I‘ve considered rewriting, because the basic ideas are very good, but the overall story told doesn’t meet up to my standards of today.
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I’m feeling kinda bored right now, so I’d thought I’d blog a bit about some of my other work. Yes, as it appears, I have written stories that do not incorporate Toa, Matoran, or other things from Bionicle. I have a various amount of action stories out there that I haven’t posted on the internet for various reasons. Some of those reasons is that they include vulgar language and gory fight sequences, which as a rule I don’t include in stories I post on BZP (although some of the actions against the Zarxec have been toeing the line). Indeed, they break many BZP rules, and editing them out would leave plot-holes in some of the stories that I’d rather not rewrite completely. And, of course, some of them are just plain stupid now that I look back on them. So, anyway, here we go… Tito’s Journey Synopsis: I wrote this for a school project in the fifth grade. It’s about this kitten, strangely named Tito (Tih- toe), as he tried to climb the mountain Pikes Peak (the closest mountain to where I was living at the time, in Colorado). He had a bunch of friends of various species (a fox, a cougar, a rat, a hawk) who helped him in the trip, and they had to face a dangerous wolf and a snowstorm and other terrible things as they tried to get to the top. After that, I wrote a few sequels involving adventures on other mountains. What’s Good: Well, this was one of my first big stories, so it got me started thinking about plot and character development. Plus, it was also the first story I finished completely… and it was probably about six pages on MS Word, font size 14. For a fifth grader, that’s not bad. What’s Bad: I was a fifth grader, so there were plenty of holes in the plot, plus the writing wasn’t terribly complex either. For example, the fox had her leg torn off in the battle with the wolf (who fell over a waterfall later… which is odd, because there aren’t really that many waterfalls on Pikes Peak). But later, the fox was still running faster than many of the other characters… hmm, did I forget about that leg she was missing? The geography was off, the names of the character’s were great (the cougar was named Cougar) and other generally newby-ish stuff. The worst thing is, after a few computer crashes and file transfers, I no longer have a copy of the story or the sequels I was working on, so it’s all just a memory now. The RNA Story Synopsis: I’ve mentioned this one on BZP before, and even tried to post it (but I eventually gave up due to bad reviews). I had to write this story for a science class, depicting protein synthesis in a creative way. What I did was made the cell into a kingdom, had a villainous virus invading it, and had three RNA warriors create a protein that’ll save the day. The initial writing was a little too basic, and it got complicated as I tried to include scientific terms in the story with not a good understanding of how to do so. Later, I tried to incorporate the story into my Senior project, in which I would make a movie of it. That whole thing fell through as I ran out of time and I couldn’t get any actors to play the roles. What’s Good: Well, compared to the stories of other students who wrote on the same topic, mine was much better. It did tend to include a fairly accurate summery of what protein synthesis is, based off info from our Biology textbooks. And the story was also fairly entertaining too. What’s Bad: I wrote this with a due date, so it didn’t have the best structure. And I learned recently that it doesn’t even follow protein synthesis correctly, as the Biology high school textbooks are not absolutely correct. In my collage class, we briefly discussed advances in Biology, where scientists are still trying to figure out what’s going on in our cells and adding new stuff each year. For example, according to my textbooks, DNA is made up of Intron strands and Exon strands, the former being useful information and the latter being gibberish. The M-RNA is supposed to filter out the introns from the exons. Turns out that, today, scientists are discovering that Exons might actually not be just junk DNA and might actually play some role. Thus, my overly simplified example of RNA synthesis, which doesn’t include many complicated things of the current time, is already becoming obsolete as new stuff is discovered. That’s what I get for trying to write something that incorporates science. That’s enough for now. I have some other things I’ll add on tomorrow. You know, just to keep you coming back for an update. Better take it for all its worth, because I’m too lazy to actually continue on any particular story of mine, and am content to just write about stories of the past. Ha!
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Read The Turkey Shoot by Bohrok Kal of Death. It's one of my most favorite epics I've ever read on BZP, and has everything. Action. Humor. Even some morals. It's a pretty amazing epic, it's long, and, more amazing, it's completed. I want to give a big thanks to BKoD for writing such a cool story and finishing it too. Being an author of a few discontinued stories myself, I know how hard it is to continue writing such a long story... with a lot of long breaks as well. But he did it, and it was alot of fun to read. So, if you ever have a few spare... uh, hours, why don't you check out the epic and review it. It has many good laughs in it, and more than enough action to fill up three epics. Plus, it seems to include most Bionicle characters from 2004 and back. So, there's my suggested reading. Have a good evening.
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In honor of Epic’s Contest #6, I’ll do a story report on one of my favorite epics, Kulagi’s Kanoka. Bio: Based in pre-Toa-Metru Metru Nui, the city of legends is controlled by Turaga Dume and his Vahki, and plagued by the villainous Gang Matoran. Kanoka discs are a necessity for any Matoran in this city, and Matoran known as Kanoka Makers create their trade off this demand. A famous Kanoka Maker named Kulagi suddenly finds himself amidst a Gang Matoran scandal, and he must resist the criminals and the Turaga’s Vahki while helping his friends out along the way. Flying on a Hover-Bike and armed with many Kanoka discs, Kulagi is ready for the challenge. Further reading will spoil the story. Thoughts: When all is said an done, I think Kulagi’s Kanoka is my bets epic. It may not be as popular as Time Disruption, but it is (shorter) and better written, and uses my own characters (for the most part). This epic brings out the best of my writing, with fight scenes to chase scenes to the most romance I’ve ever put in an epic (and it wasn’t much, mind you). It’s a pretty action packed epic. The highs and lows in this story consist of my character developments. The main character, Kulagi, became one of my best characters, and Makaru said, “Kulagi is now my favourite Matoran character over all the others you have created”. Kulagi had all the characteristics I would want myself; he was daring and reckless at times, but always plans ahead and tried to outthink his opponents. His a tad egotistic, but also incredibly loyal and helpful. He will not put the regular Matoran at risk (Gang Matoran are another matter). Through the epic, we get to see Kulagi’s character tested over and over again, until he learns something in the end. Like how not to underestimate others and to trust in Dume. (Yeah, trust in that guy. Fortunately, this is before he turned into Makuta). The other minor characters also got some development. Huaju, the honest trader, turns out to be rather resourceful. (He got a very little part). Turaga Dume is mostly developed through his reputation and Vahki… but in the end he turns out to be like the Turaga Mata… wise and helpful. In the beginning, Kulagi somewhat exaggerates Dume’s personality to match that seen in 04, but the guys really not that bad. Since he has a whole city to run, he has to set up all the rules and such, which gets on Kulagi’s nerves (cause he breaks them). The main leader of the Gang Matoran, Gragu, gets all the major traits of a super villain; crafty, selfish, and a braggart. Oh, and evil. His character development is when he gets his just desserts. Then there’s the happy-go-lucky Matoran Triki, who everybody likes. From his wild reverences to human foods and Rahi to his Masks of Power that Matoran can use, he’s the goofball of the epic and adds most of the comic relief. This was the epic where I first introduced Triki, and I liked him so much that I carried him over to another epic (which got posted before this one, though). His character development was when we learned that he was crazy, but a useful kind of crazy, and not a useless, lock ‘im up kind of crazy. The two characters that I had trouble dealing with were Sufina, the girl, and Vakama (you know him, right?). I had trouble with Sufina because she had to suddenly plop into Kulagi’s life, and then form a relationship with him. She’s portrayed as strong and weak multiple times in the epic, although they are somewhat justifiable. I felt her bonding with Kulagi was rather weak, and their “kiss” in the end rather sudden. Plus, the whole “girl in the Lava River” thing felt weak too, and I reinforced it with a couple explanatory paragraphs in another chapter, just to try and strengthen it. Vakama also suffered from weak plot-lines. There was no reason for Vakama to go with Kulagi in the first place (I always thought Kulagi’s argument seemed a little lacking), but he did. He complained the whole time, but Vakama never actually did anything to go against Kulagi. It could be his “inner need of adventures” but I think it was a weak storyline. (I should know, I created it). His sudden switch in character works in chapter 8, but his involvements beforehand are not very great. It’s like “You want to leave, you stupid Ta-Matoran. Kulagi’s not gonna know if you take a wrong turn and go see Dume during the Vahki chase. If you were really an accomplice of Dume, you wouldn’t worry, because the Vahki would probably ignore you anyhow”. Whatever the reason, Vakama went with Kulagi. Their friendship gets built up, even though their “rivals”, but I probably could’ve done it better. Now, there were some good things about this story. For one thing, it involves Kanoka. A lot. I always loved the neat ways the Kanohi powers were used in the MNOLG, and the Kanoka offered 8 great powers (although only half were really good for a fight). The comics showed a few uses of Kanoka, but I wanted to expand upon that. There are unlimited ways to use freezing, teleporting, and reconstruct at random Kanoka, and I tried to throw in as many as I could into this epic. I used so many unique methods of Kanoka attacks that I’m running out of good ideas for the sequel. After writing this epic, I must say that my favorite collectables in Bionicle are now the Kanoka. The Kanohi are fine, but the Kanoka rock! The big thing that got reviewers excited were the chase scenes. Giving the main character a Hover-Bike just called for numerous chase scenes with Kanoka attacks. I had Kulagi fly from Nuurahk, Rorzakh, Vorzakh, Gang Matoran, and Gragu Nuva. Kulagi got to fly through the lava fields, the archives, and Le-Metru chutes. It tested my skills at writing, but the high action chases were the sweetest parts of this epic. And with all the chase scenes and fight scenes were a ton of villains. I use all of the different types of Vahki at one point or another (not always against Kulagi), and I put in the vicious Gang Matoran as the deadly third party that Kulagi should really worry about. The greatest character can always be judges by his enemies, and Kulagi had a ton of them. And what do I like the most about this epic. Mostly, it involved Matoran. I always like seeing the Matoran as the main heroes, who can learn to take care of themselves without outside help. Bionicle may always focus on the Toa because the Matoran are cheaper sets, but I can always expand on the Matoran’s ability. And in this epic, there are only a few minor references to Toa, but no Toa at all. The Matoran get to use the unique powers of the Kanoka to make things explode or whatever, and the only Kanohi mask is the one Triki made (and used). I thought that was a great idea myself… since a Matoran cannot handle a mask made out of Kanoka with a power level of seven, how about a power level of six point five? So, with some useful Kanoka and some Hover-Bikes, I was able to create a fast-paced action packed adventure epic without any elemental heroes. There is a Titan with odd powers resembling that of the Piraka (although I based Gragu Nuva off the Hordika, not Piraka) but who defeats him in the end? Kulagi. So, this story doesn’t have Toa. It has minimal romance. It has some plot holes involving Vakama and Sufina. It has many spelling and grammar mistakes (I just did a quick check through the whole epic, but I’m sure I missed some stuff). And it doesn’t have any pie in it (although pie is referenced). Instead, it has high speed Hover-Bike chases, Kanoka duels, tons of character development, Triki (which is a reason in and of itself), tons of baddies, one rebellious but honorable protagonist. Plus, it takes a whole new look at life in Metru-Nui before the great disaster. I think it’s a good epic. Will the people judging for Epics Contest #6 think the same way? In my biased way, I hope so. So, if you have read this whole, long review… you need more of a life. Now, reply, rest your eyes for a bit, and then go and enjoy the story, if you haven’t already. And anybody who reads it (including you judges) should also reply to it to say what you thought about it. I’m expecting it from you. (although the judges can wait until after the contest to post… don’t want to give away their identities.) Or not.
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The season demands it. I must advertise this epic again. For every classic has to return year after year... now I just need to turn this epic into a classic... Bio: Christmas Time has fallen on the Matoran of Mata-Nui, and for once the holiday can be celebrated in peace, as the Toa Nuva have defeated all foes. The Toa Santa arrives as legends said, and he planned to bring each Matoran a special present. However, his journey is cut short when an evil Rahi known as the Grinch shows up and steals his essence. With no Toa Santa, the Matoran's unity is on the brink of destruction. Even worst, the Grinch runs loose, stealing the essence of all who feel the touch of its blade. Even the Toa Nuva cannot stand against it for long. Now, Kapura and his two Po-Matoran friends, Tunaka and Huaju, can save the day. They must find three stones and summon the Toa Santa before Christmas Day, or else the Matoran's unity shall shatter! Any further reading may lead to spoilers, so beware, all ye who have not yet read it. Thoughts: Well, for starters, this is a classic cliche'. Ever watched TV shows with "So-And-So saves Christmas". This was my version of "Kapura Saves Christmas". I tried to use many of the traditions of the season in this epic. Mind you... marketing traditions. This has very little to do with the whole religious meaning of the holiday, and focuses more on the family/friends aspect. But I've includes such details as Christmas trees, flying Mahi (yes, Mahi) and a chubby Toa that goes "Ho ho ho." Plus, at one point, Kapura wears a Santa hat. Hey, it looked good in the cover pict I made. This story is fairly well written. It surely is better than my first few epics, but the grammar may not be up to scratch (just reread it this year, and I caught numerous spelling mistakes). Plus, some of the descriptions are repetitive and sometimes wacky. Ahg, it turns out I actually have learning some things in AP English... who knew? The Grinch was an interesting character. First of all, he was based of this swamp MOC I made when I first got a Toa... the MOC sucked, but it had a claw and a chainsaw blade. The name has nothing to do with Dr. Seuse's (sp?) character, besides that it wants to get rid of Christmas (or the Toa Santa). The Grinch was just this massive Rahi, with unimaginable powers. I always have fun writing battles against things that just don't die, and the Grinch was one of them. On the bright side, and following traditional Bionicle methods, the Grinch did not die from brutal strikes from it's foes (Kopaka wishes) but in a unique, "he so deserved that!", way. On the bad side, it's constant revivals got lame and repetitive. That was before I even knew what the Rule of Three meant, so I'm sure the Grinch got frozen like 7 times. :annoyed2: Not to say that I didn't have some ingenious plans interwoven in the story. The Grinch's demise was rather ingenious, if I do say so myself. Plus, Kapura's last "trick" came from something I placed in the story near the beginning... following the techniques in the "Harry Potter" series. And I spent the last chapter tying up the loose ends of the stories... mostly questions I had from the review topic. The characterizations were numerous too. The Toa Nuva were fun to write about, and I think this is my best epic depicting them (after all, TD mostly involved the Toa Mata). Strangely enough, the heroic Toa was Kopaka... and I'm not big fan of Kopaka, but he was the likely one to avoid death until the very end. The other Toa (Tahu, Gali, Pohatu) had only a short time to show their characters, with Lewa and Onua lasting a bit longer. I liked some of Lewa's treespeech, which was rapid and consistent, but understandable. But, yeah, Lewa only lasted like 3 chapters, so... The Matoran were fun too. This was the epic where I took Kapura for all he was worth. I was worried at first for choosing him- after all, his aloofness was something new for me to write about. I thought I did rather well at applying Kapura's odd logic to his adventuring. I also included my two famous Po-Matoran characters: Tunaka, who I borrowed from Time Disruption; and Huaju, who I reused for Kulagi's Kanoka. They provided most of the comic relief for the story, as well as a reality check at times. They represented the majority of the Matoran, who were too timid to take up the challenge, but still tried their best. All in all, this isn't my best story. The plot is very amazing and all, but the descriptions are sometimes bland and the grammar is often off. The worst part of it, though, was the alternate ending I added a year after I finished writing it. It was supposed to make a point at how important the victory was, as it depicted what would happen if Kapura lost in the end. But, in all truth, it was a marketing gimmick to try and get some new reviewers to read the story. And, in the end, that's what this is too. Anyway, I highly advice you to read it (or any of my other work... don't worry, I'm very biased. ). I think it's actually an interesting holiday story, and it'll bring you back to the good old days of Mata-Nui. Plus, it exibits enough of the Bionicle morals that it certainly fits in this forum. Plus, it's only 12 chapters long... easily read in a hour or two... and take some good breaks, to add up the suspense. Review A Bionicle Christmas. And happy holidays, whatever you celebrate.
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This was my first comedy, and I can’t say that it’s very good or very bad. Just… different. Bio: Makuta is bored, so he decided to infect all the Toa. He enslaves a Matoran named Nupari, and sets out to take control of Mata-Nui. But the Toa have other things in mind… like collecting rare masks, playing board games, and skateboarding. Thoughts: Well, this comedy came back when review topics were allowed (But not before the 300 word rule). I had a nice review topic opened, but then it got closed down randomly. Anyway, the story itself is random enough. I took many of the other aspects of Bionicle (Board games, collectables, skateboarders, and the whole Toa of Light mystery) and threw them into the story. All the Toa get to be pretty crazy and all lack in intelligence, but I made Onua my stupid Toa (which was Pohatu in other comedies at the time, I believe). There are some parts in there that I really do like. For example, Lewa throwing aside a banana peal and Tahu slipping on it, Kopaka freezing Tahu place, even though they’re after Lewa, and Tahu wondering about the title of the Chapter. There were a few low humor jokes in there, but nothing too bad. I even hit a couple of controversial topics (one without even knowing it). First of all, I make a big point saying that Takanuva wasn’t anybody else (Onua called him Kapura, I believe). And then, it turns out I was COMPLETELY WRONG! Oh well… and then I touched on the fact that Lewa was not a Toa of the Jungle, but of Air, so he couldn’t really control vines and the such. Didn’t help that he did that in the MOL… There were problems. My spelling was off (especially because I spelled the Matoran are Nupari the entire time… forgot the U. The formatting was bad… but the emotions went well. That, and the Spanish portion was all taken out of an online translator… For a first comedy, it wasn’t that bad. It didn’t break any rules, even if it lacked a bit in the humor department. Anyway, it worked up towards an interesting sequel.
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The Lego Bionicle Story: Part 1-2,Part 3-4,Part 5 Gar, my worst story EVER! Read on to understand why... Bio: In the Bionicle world, the Great Beings has messed up, and the Toa were doomed. They planned on sending help in the form of Throwbots to aid the Toa against their fight against Makuta and his Rahi, but they wouldn't arrive in time. So they sent messages to humans, and a bunch went through the Bermuda Triangle and arrived on Mata-Nui. There, a collection of humans, including Johnny Thunder, allies with the Toa, Turaga, and Matoran to help them defend the island. Meanwhile, the evil Axillion (Thunder's nemesis) also discovers Mata-Nui and allies with Makuta. So there is a massive Rahi battle in Le-Koro, where the humans help out a lot, and then the Slizers arrive, and begin to aid the Toa as they collect the last of their Kanohi. It ends at Chapter 32, where I just gave up posting because nobody was interested. Thoughts: And I can tell why no one was interested… the story was badly written and overly complicated. It was my second BZP epic, but I wrote it first, before I even discovered BZP. It had so many problems in it. I thought it was cool because it included a bunch of Mini-figure characters, Throwbot characters, and Bionicle characters. Of the mini-figures (humans) they were my custom characters, who had names borrowed from Johnny Thunder themes and the Animorphs series. They were also part of this weak storyline where Johnny Thunder was fighting against this evil mastermind named Axillion (named from Aximili from Animorphs). It was badly described and kinda hard to follow, so obviously a new reader couldn’t really relate to something form my imagination. The Throwbots weren’t as well thought out as they were in my newer Slizer epic, and the Toa’s personalities often differed from their official ones. The main complaint I got was a gender mix-up with Kopaka… I just assumed that the white character was female and used him/her that way in the story. Many people disagreed, and it took me a while to really get a grasp on Kopaka’s true personality. The storyline itself wasn’t too great… everything was very simplistic. The main enemies, the Rahi, were always described as showing up in numbers greater than any ever seen before. That worked for the first few battles… but then it got outrageous when I used it again and again. The battles, while cool in my mind, were weakly described in the story, and seemed to involve characters shooting guns or shouting out witty comments. And all the dialogue was kinda featureless… I have certainly improved since this story. Which is a good thing. There were other problems… I posted the whole think single-spaced in the lowest sized font… I find it hard to read now, but I thought back then that the regular size made it too large! I’m sure there were some days where I quadruple posted chapters (back before that one-chapter-a-day rule). Plus, my story topic was always plagued with people posting it in rather than the review topic… I’m sure I got more posts there than in the review topic. Being a newby, I didn’t completely understand the rules, and I’m sure I broke many (like posting 5 times in a row in my review topic). This story, even more than The Final Alliance, threw me away from writing stories on BZP. I started out writing expecting that everybody should be following me, the author, very closely, and love all my work. Now I understand that’s not how reviewers work for newer epics. If they like it, they’ll post… if they have nothing to say, then they won’t post. If they have nothing to say but they post spam, then I get angry, and we all lose. Well, that’s one story that I feel ashamed of. It is my worst story I have ever posted on BZP (maybe not written… I have a few bad ones that will never see the light of day again). So now that I’m done dissing it, you can either read some of it (LOL!) or think about checking out some of my other work that is so much better. Review A Lego Bionicle Story (Or Don't)
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The Final Alliance My first Epic ever on BZPower. It was also an entry into Serious Story Contest #4 (and didn't place). So here are my thoughts on it. Bio: The Final Alliance takes place during the Kal saga. It follows the Toa Nuva as the Kal successfully reawaken the Bahrag… but they awaken somebody else too… Makuta! The Bahrag take their Bohrok swarms and threaten to demolish all of Mata-Nui, leaving behind six Matoran (Jala, Takua, Huki, Nuparu, Maku, and Hahli) fused as a Matoran-Nui, six Toa Nuva buried under a collapsed tunnel, and an angry Makuta, who is now determined to protect his brother’s island from the swarms. Makuta, the Toa Nuva, and the Matoran-Nui make an alliance as they follow the Bohrok swarms and save every Matoran village on the island. But can they stand against the might of the Bahrag? Thoughts: This is a perfect example of a Newby epic. First of all, the storyline is very simplistic and not well thought through, and secondly, I wrote the whole epic on BZP in 2003 without bothering to put it in MS Word (and thus is contains many spelling errors.) As I said, the storyline is so basic that it embarrasses me. The main characterization focuses on Makuta and his sudden change from evil to good (relatively… there was a personal reason for it. If the island that he had poured his ‘soul’ into was destroyed, Makuta would go with it, and his brother likewise). Makuta’s characterization was okay, but it hardly fit with the storyline (I started writing this before the comic on the Kal’s defeat came up. It totally ignores the fact that Makuta released the Bohrok in the first place, making that seem like an unforeseen accident). And that’s where the characterization ended. I had plenty of characters… Toa Nuva, six Matoran, even the Bahrag. But all the Nuva were portrayed as un-united… they were bickering through the whole story, and it wouldn’t fit their characters at all. Tahu may be a hot-head, but if he was as hot-headed as he was in my story, I’d probably quit Bionicle… I hardly went into the Matoran-Nui at all… they were stuck on the side the whole time! (Which is okay… they were also the Matoran I used in Time Disruption, so I had my chance to characterize them). And with the Bahrag… all I had them do was constantly repeat threats. It got repetitive after a while… even to me while I was writing the story. I just didn’t have anything better for them to do than throw back stupid lines and used their powers. Uhg. The actual storyline was okay, but not up to my standards nowadays. The fight scenes were interesting, but repetitive and sometimes dull. After the first big encounter in the Bohrok’s nest, the Heroes go from village to village and rescue them all. It followed the traditional Bionicle way to move across the island, but I felt it lacked in any real adventure. What I really hated was the way the Bahrag went… Kopaka and Tahu used their powers together, but the way I described it was terrible! It is really no wonder that hardly anybody ever replied to the story, and most of the replies were simplistic. I remember this story almost throwing me off from writing fan-fiction on BZPower, but I kept to it. Looking back on this story show how much I’ve grown as a writer (or the lack of growth, I suppose). Anyway, there’s my first story review. Yay, I say. Review The Final Allyace (yes, I even made a spelling error in the title)
