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The First LoMN Spoof


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Back in November 2004, this was the first comedy allowed to be posted without the need of spoiler warnings (hence the title).  Four months after the conclusion of The Newest MoL Spoof, 14 year old me is a little bit older, a little bit wiser, and a little bit funnier (note how the lines actually stick to the script and how half the jokes aren't about pie this time).  Granted, there are still some comedic decisions I don't think I would have made if I were writing this now, but there are still quite a few gems here and there.
Love it or hate it, here we go.
Chapter 1- Toa Lhikan's Mission

Turaga Vakama: Gathered friends (for those who have them) listen again to our legend of the Bionicle... This is so cool! Now I'm in two movies, and the Director wanted to fire me in the first chapter-

Director: Keep this up and I will fire you at the first chapter!

Vakama: But you need me for the rest of the movie.

Director: Stupid writers...

Vakama: In the time before time, in the glorious city of Metru Nui- Hey! Has anyone noticed that this is a different story from the one in MoL?

Director: Don't you know you've been lying to the Matoran for 1000 years?

Vakama: Actually, I-

Director: Shut up!

Vakama: ... We believed our noble Toa would protect us... we were so gullible! ... lousy slackers...

Previous Toa: :(

Vakama: Anyway, they fell one by one to Makuta-

Director: :burnmad:

Vakama: I mean a shadow... who wanted to make an endless sleep so he could rule the world and awake them as their conqueror! MUHA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!- oh wait... I'm the good guy... right...

Director: Here we go again...


(Title Scene)

(Toa Lhikan opens a device to get the Toa stones and puts his Toa power into them.)

Krekka: The last Toa!

Lhikan: Actually there are going to be at least 12 more.

Krekka: Stupid political correctness...

Nidhiki: Stop sounding smarter than me!

Krekka: My humblest apologies, my crustacean accomplice.

Nidhiki: :glare:

Krekka: I mean: Uh............................

Nidhiki: Much better.

(They chase Lhikan onto a bridge and corner him. As they get closer, he prepares to jump.)

Nidhiki: Don't jump! It's not worth it!

Lhikan: But I can fly.

Nidhiki: Oh... then jump away!

(Lhikan jumps of and makes his fire greatswords into a flying board.)

Lhikan: Come on! Fly! Fly! Fly!

Director: Sigh... Maybe try turning it ON!

Lhikan: That might work...

(He turns it on and flies away.)

(In Ga-Metru...)

Vakama: And so Toa Lhikan took the sacred stones to a chosen Matoran in each Metru... I want to fly!

Director: Shut up!

(Nokama is teaching a class.)

Nokama: Fire, stone-

Student: Teacher? Why do you keep saying random words?

Nokama: Cow! Pickle! The 8¼th Toa of Pie!

Takua: Pie?

Director: Not you again!

Takua: :( No pie?

(Lhikan flies up to the Ga-Matoran.)

Ga-Matoran: Gasp! Toa Lhikan?

Lhikan Sarcastically: No, the paper boy!... Here's you newspaper and a Toa stone. Guide the others with your wisdom.

(Lhikan flies away.)

Nokama: What's a wisdom?

(In Po-Metru...)

Vakama: In every city's life (if they have one)-

Po-Matoran: Hey!

Vakama: There is a time of great building. Builders such as Onewa create wonders that confirm our belief in the great SPIRIT... of civilization.

(Onewa is carving.)

Lhikan: Builder, I'm counting on your courage... or at least I would, if I knew how to count...

Onewa: Courage, eh?...

(He picks up the Toa stone.)

Onewa: :OMG: AHHHHHHH! A rock!

Lhikan: annoyed2.gif

(In Onu-Metru...)

Vakama: This city was not just built for the construction of things, but from the collection of history......... I don't know what that means, but it sounded very cool..... My friend Whenua-

Whenua: I'm not your friend!

Vakama: :( ...knew this better than most.

(Lhikan flies up and hands Whenua a Toa stone.)

Lhikan: Don't archive it!

(Lhikan flies away.)

Whenua: Whatever.

(He throws it into the archives.)

(In Le-Metru...)

Vakama: It was an age when crazy- I mean brave Matoran, like Matau, would test the latest machines with insanity- I mean courage.

(Matau is flying at top speed. The steering device breaks off and he crashes and hits Lhikan, who gives him a Toa stone.)

Lhikan: Don't break it.

Matau: Uh... Mr. Pecan?

Lhikan: It's Lhikan

Matau: Yeah.......... Could I have a shiny-new one? Mine is broken-smashed.

Lhikan: Sigh.

(He flies away.)

(In Ko-Metru...)

Vakama: It was also a time of reason... for no reason at all... a time of study, observance, and boredom.

Director: :glare:

(Through Nuju's telescope.)

Vakama: I mean looking into the future. And few looked further forward, without seeing what was in plain sight, than Nuju.


(Lhikan flies up and hands him a Toa stone.)

Lhikan: Follow the map thinker.

(He flies away.)

Nuju: Think?! How do you think? Come on! Come on! Come on! I know this! How do you think?!

Director: I can't believe that out of 100000000000000000000000000000000000 gasp 0000000000000000000000000 auditions, this was the best guy!

(In Ta-Metru...)

Vakama: It was a time of sharing, remembering, building, adventuring, dreaming... same as before.

Takua: That got old in the last comedy.

Director: Just die!

Takua: No. That's Jaller's job.

Director: SECURITY!

Vakama: It was the time of my kind-

Director: Who? Morons?!

Vakama: That was a bit ironic... It was the time of the mask makers, when creating Kanohi masks from Kanoka disks was all that they lived for.

Po-Matoran: Who doesn't have a life now?

Vakama: :mad:

(Matoran Vakama breaks the Vahi he is working on and gets frustrated.)

Lhikan: Making great masks Vakama?

Matoran Vakama: Not yet, but with the right disk-

Lhikan: But first the city needs your help.

Vakama: My help?

Lhikan Sarcastically: No! Takua's!

Takua: You called?

Director: SHUT UP!!!

Lhikan: Matoran are vanishing, deceit lurks in the shadows of Metru Nui.

(They hear Nidhiki walk up.)

Nidhiki Sarcastically: Oh, thanks for wrecking the movie!

(A big rock falls on Nidhiki's head.)

Nidhiki: What was that for?

SPIRIT: http://www.brickshelf.com/gallery/BackCap/Bionicle-Stuff/hate.jpg.

Nidhiki: Oh... GregF made me do it!

SPIRIT Sarcastically: Sure he did...

(Lhikan gives Vakama a Toa stone.)

Lhikan: Keep it secret, keep it safe!

Vakama: Yes Gandalf...

(Nidhiki attacks.)

Nidhiki: This time will be your farewell forever... brother.

Lhikan: You have no right to call me that!

Nidhiki: Actually, according to the credits, we have the same last name.

Onewa: And I'm Matau!

Krekka: I'm Lhikan.

Kongu: And I'm Makuta! MUHA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

(Vakama hides his Toa stone and Lhikan starts fighting. Krekka breaks in and joins the fight.)

Krekka: It's the end of the line, Toa!

Lhikan: What line?..................................... Hey! Why am I talking to myself?

(Everyone looks at the Director.)

Director: Well... uh... I uh......um.... SHUT UP!!!

Nidhiki to Vakama: Where do you think you're going?

Vakama: I'm going out for a slice of pie. Care to join me?

Nidhiki: Sure!

Director: :glare:

Nidhiki: I mean... no!

(Lhikan and Krekka keep fighting.)

Lhikan: Why am I fighting myself?

(He cuts a rope, causing a heavy thing to hit Krekka.)

Lhikan: Wow... I just beat myself.

Director: SHUT UP!!!

Nidhiki: Brother!

(Lhikan sees that Nidhiki is holding Vakama over some molten Protodermis.)

Vakama: Help me!

Director: No! Don't!

(Lhikan surrenders and Krekka captures him.)

Nidhiki: Compassion was always your weakness, brother.

Lhikan: I'm also ticklish.

(Nidhiki drops Vakama into the molten Protodermis, but Lhikan kicks his flying board to save, but it missed and Vakama falls into the molten Protodermis.)

Vakama: Help I'm drowning- I mean melting!

Director: Sigh... you have a lava-proof suit!

Vakama: No I don't!

Director: :mellow:

Vakama: Psych!

Takua: That was old in the last comedy too!

Director: That's it!

(He starts strangling Takua.)

Turaga Vakama: Aw... they love each other.

Director to Vakama: You're next.

Turaga Vakama: :ninja:

(Matoran Vakama hops onto the flying board and flies away. Then he has a vision. There is a floating Toa stone)

Lhikan: Save the heart of Metru Nui. The Great Spirit needs you.

(The Toa stone turn into a yellow Hau.)

Vakama: Jaller?

Lhikan: No! Lhikan, you fool!.... Time is short. Hurry Vakama.

Vakama: No! Wait! Come back!

Lhikan: See ya, I'm gettin' some pie!

Takua: Pie?

Vakama: Get out of my vision!

(Vakama's vision ends and he crashes. Then Nidhiki and Krekka carry Lhikan away.)

Lhikan: How was I captured by myself?

Director: Why do I hire such fools?

Takua: Well-

Director: Shut up!

Vakama: NOOOOOO! It's all my fault.

Lhikan: Yeah! You could have told me you had a lava-proof suit!

Vakama: It was molten Protodermis.

Lhikan: :glare:


Makuta: Must have the preciousssss- I mean Mask of Time.

(Back in Ta-Metru, Vakama gets his Toa stone and opens it up to see a map.)

Vakama: Where's the cream filling?...... Without you we have no Toa, but then there's Tahu-

Director: SHUT UP, VAKAMA!!!

Turaga Vakama: Me?

Vakama: Or Me?

Director: :glare:

Vakama: Who will protect us?... I should have done something!

Dume: Don't blame yourself.

Vakama: Can I blame you Mak- I mean Turaga Dume?

Dume: Uh.... no. I have come for the Mask of Time.

Vakama: It's not finished yet. Great masks take time to craft.

(He picks up a Vahi.)

Dume: Then what's that?


Vakama: Uh... Oops?

Dume: Perhaps you are using inferior disks.

Vakama: I use the best. Only Great Disks are more pure.

Dume: Too bad Lihkan isn't here to help... : Because of me!... You might want to ignore that last part...

(He absentmindedly reaches for the Toa stone, but instead he picks up a disk and hands it to Vakama.)

Dume: Bring the completed mask to the Great Can-can Contest. The destiny of Metru Nui rests in your hands.

Vakama: Actually this disk and useless Vahi do, but that's what Lhikan said...

Lhikan: Actually I said:


The city needs your help.


Vakama: That means the same thing.

Lhikan: Oh....................... I just quoted myself!

Edited by SPIRIT
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Chapter 2- Matoran Meet in the Great Temple

(Last time, Lhikan gave six Matoran Toa stones and then he was captured by the Dark Hunters. Now, in the Great Temple of Ga-Metru...)

Vakama: The Toa Suva...

(There is a long pause.)

Director: Isn't someone gonna say something stupid?

Takua: I thought that was bad...

Director: I just wanted to yell at someone...

Takua: Well, I think we've fulfilled everyone's daily requirement of stupidity... and Vitamin C!

Director: SHUT UP!!!.... :) I feel much better now.

(Matau enters the scene.)

Matau: B-) Yo! S'up, fire-spitter?

Director: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! You're supposed to walk backwards and crash into each other!

Matau: I didn't want to copy-cliché.

Director: Oh... stupid writers!

Matau: Fire-spitter, did you wrong-turn?

Vakama: You tell me.

Matau: :mad: I just speak-told you, fool!

Vakama: Isn't there a Chutespeak word for "fool"?

Matau: Yes, but it gets censored-hidden. Watch: :censored: ... See? Stupid, forum...

(Their Toa stones light up and Nuju walks up.)

Vakama: It appears we are not alone.

Nuju Sarcastically: No, really?

Vakama: Isn't Lhikan supposed to act like that?

Nuju: Yes, but he's gonna die and then I start talking weird because-

Director: STOP WRECKING THE STORY!.. Even though most people know it by now...

(Whenua, Onewa, and Nokama all walk up.)

Nokama: Well, Lhikan summoned me... and I live here...

Onewa: Is this the bathroom?

Nokama: No… the next one isn’t for another 20 Kio... you are going to die…

Onewa : But I thought GregF said-

Director: Hey! No stealing from other comedies!

Nokama: It appears we have all received these curious stones.

Nuju Sarcastically: No, really?

Nokama: I hope I don’t have to spend over 1000 years with this guy.

GregF: And a few storyline changes here... :evilgrin:

Nokama: They are all similar, but each unique.

Matau: Like all Matoran, some just more handsome-looking than the rest.

Onewa: :D Thank you!

Matau Seriously: I meant Whenua!

Whenua: :ninja:....... Who’s ever heard of Matoran getting summoned to the Great Temple like this?

Nuju: What will be asked of us? We are just strangers.

Onewa: Some stranger than others.

Nuju: Hey!

Onewa Seriously: I meant Whenua!

Whenua: :(

Nokama: Your negativity pollutes this sanctuary, builder.

Onewa:....... If I understood what you just said, I could come up with a great come-back...

Vakama: Look, we're here for a reason.

Director: Yeah! Because I told you to be here! Now get on with the movie!

(The Ko-Metru hole on the Suva lights up and Nokama puts her Toa stone in it.)

Director: Can't you read?! It says Ko-Metru!

Nokama: No, I'm illiterate.

Director: :glare:

(All the Matoran put their Toa stones into the Suva and Lhikan’s mask appears.)

Matoran: Wow!

Lhikan: Faithful Matoran-

Onewa: Who? Us?

Lhikan: :glare:... Ignore the man behind the curtain....... Metru Nui needs you. A shadow threatens its heart.

Whenua: Why doesn't it get heart surgery?

Director: YOU'RE FIRED FOR WRECKING THE MOMENT!!! I'm replacing you with the 8¼th of Pie!

Takua: Pie?

Director: On second thought, you're un-fired.

Whenua: You mean re-hired.


Takua: No pie?

Lhikan: The Great SPIRIT shall guide you in ways you could not imagine.

Nokama: Hey! You said that in the preview, but differently.

Nuju Sarcastically: No, really?

Lhikan: Yo! Stop cramping my styles!

(The Toa Suva lifts up and the Matoran are blasted with energy and turn into Toa.)

Onewa: Am I a... Toa?

Director: Stupid illiterate people...

Matau: If we appear to be Toa-heroes, then we are Toa-heroes... or just on steroids...

(Onewa picks up one of his Proto Pitons.)

Onewa: Now this is a Toa tool!

Nuju: No it isn't, it's just a plastic stick.

Onewa: Oh...

Whenua: Why don't I get a plastic stick?! I've never wanted one of these.

(He spins one of his Earthshock drills.)

Director: I'm sure I can fix that in the editing room.

(Nokama examines her Hydro Blades.)

Nokama: Such perfect balance.

(Vakama picks up his Disk Launcher.)

Vakama: A Disk Launcher!

Director: Are you illiterate too?

Vakama: No. I just said that for the benefit of the people who are.


(Matau does his helicopter-spinning-thingy and lands perfectly.)

Director: NO!!! You're supposed to be the comic relief of the whole movie!

Matau: Oh...

Director: Now do it!

(Matau does it perfectly 100000 times.)

Director: :burnmad: ...... I'll just edit that too...

Matau: Whoo-hoo! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Nokama: Did you steal Dume's sugar?

Matau: :drool: Sugar-food...

(In the coliseum...)

Dume: :crying: Where's my sugar?

(In the Great Temple...)

Whenua: Mask maker, you saw Lhikan last, right?

Nuju: What did he say we could expect?

Vakama: Well, he said the same thing in the Suva, then the Dark Hunters took him away. It was because of me...

Onewa: Really? Kill him!

GregF: No kill-

Director: Stop stealing!!!

(Vakama has a vision and he sees Metru Nui being destroyed.)

Lhikan: Save the heart of Metru Nui. Find the Great Disks.

(Vakama is attacked by the Great Disks and tries to dodge them. Then his vision ends.)

Nuju: What's with him?

Onewa: Too much sugar.

Matau: :drool: Sugar-food...

Vakama: I saw it. Metru Nui was destroyed! The Great Disks were headed right at me!

Matau Sarcastically: Thanks for dream-sharing.

Vakama: You're welcome.

Matau: Thank you for welcoming me.

Takua: Not this again!

Whenua: According to legend there is one Great Disk hidden in each Metru.

Vakama: And finding them would prove to Turaga Dume that we are worthy Toa.

Onewa: So we go on a scavenger hunt, because a fire-spitter stole Dume's sugar?

Matau: :drool: Sugar-food... and stop cramping my cool-styles!

Nokama: Visions can be a sign of madness...........................................................................................................
...........What?!..... But as Toa, we cannot afford to ignore them.

Toa: Okay!

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Chapter 3- The New Toa are Tested
(Last time, the six chosen Matoran transformed into Toa. Now, they have just decided what to do.)

Nokama: Then it is agreed. Each will get the Great Disk from our own Metru and present it to Turaga Dume. He will know what to do... if he doesn't sue Matau for stealing his sugar.

Matau: :drool: Sugar-food...

Onewa: I'm doing this for Lhikan, no one else... well maybe my mommy.

(Nivawk listens to this and flies away. Then Nokama reads something on the Suva.)

Nokama: It says here the Great Disks will be found by seeking the unfamiliar within the familiar.

Whenua: Really?

Nokama: I have no idea 'cause I'm illiterate, so let's just pretend to make the Director happy.

Director: Good! You get a pie!

Takua: Yay!

Director: Not you, her.

Takua: :crying:

(Somewhere in Po-Metru, Onewa finds his Great Disk.)

Turaga Vakama: So whether it was madness...

(The statue Onewa is standing on starts to fall.)

Turaga Vakama: Or messages for the Great SPIRIT, but probably madness...

(The statue falls one Onewa, but a hole in the statue lands on him so he is safe.)

Onewa: Whew! That was close... AHHH!!! I'VE GOT DUST IN MY EYE!!!

Director: :glare:

(In Ko-Metru, Nuju is falling beside a Knowledge Tower then he uses his crystal spikes to hang on.)

Turaga Vakama: We undertook the greatest scavenger hunt...... that week...

(There is snow in Nuju's eye.)

Nuju: I CAN'T SEE!!!

Director: Are you illiterate too?!?!

Nuju: No! If I can't see, how can I read?

Takua: That's cold...

(He bursts out laughing.)

Director: :glare:

Takua: Ko-Metru, ice, cold... get it?

Director: :burnmad: SHUT UP!!!

(He throws Takua at Nuju and it knocks the snow out of his eye.)

Nuju: Hey, look! A disk!

Director: Sigh...

(In Le-Metru, Matau is spinning around in a chute near a Great Disk.)

Turaga Vakama: We were justly proud of our new Toa stature. And one by one, in our homelands, we sought out, found, and recovered these Great Disks... even though I could have just said "got"...

(Matau grabs the Great Disk and crashes into the wall.)

Turaga Vakama: Darn sugar addicts...

(Matau says something, but no one can hear it because he's in a vacuum environment.)

Turaga Vakama: :P I love physics...

(In Onu-Metru, Whenua is closing a door in the Archives on the claw of some creature.)

Whenua: No! I don't want what you're selling!

Creature: But it's free! And you'll only have to pay $20.00 a week.

Turaga Vakama: We never even feared the consequences... but we did fear the Director.

Director: :evilgrin: You'd better!

(In Ga-Metru, Nokama goes in what seems to be an underwater cave.)

Turaga Vakama: We had bold hearts and courage enough for a grain of sand. If you were to measure a hero by effort alone, you'd need a better ruler.

(Nokama retrieves the Great Disk and leaves. It turns out that the "cave" was actually a giant fish.)

Fish: Yo, thanks! It's hard to floss with fins. I might get gingivitis.

Nokama: Why not brush then use Listerine? It's just as effective as flossing.

Fish: Stupid advertisements...

(In Ta-Metru, Toa Vakama is captured by the Morbuzakh over a pit of molten Protodermis.)

Turaga Vakama: But effort alone is seldom enough for-

Toa Vakama: Uh... a little help?

Turaga Vakama: Would you look at the time? It's my pie break.

Takua: Yay!

(Turaga Vakama and Takua leave.)

Vakama: Well that stinks............ when's my pie break?

(In the coliseum...)

Dume on a Speaker: It is with great joy- I mean sorrow that I must inform you of the disappearance of Lhikan... not that I had anything to do with it... :lookaround: ... but with the help of the Vahki, order shall be maintained.

Random Rorzakh: Let's start a food fight!

Dume: With the help of all the Vahki except that one........... Trust in the mask- I mean me, let it be your guide- I mean soon all your concerns will be laid to rest... pie for all!

Takua: YAHOO!

Dume: Hey! I'm on the jumbo-tron!

(He picks his nose.)

Crowd: EWWW!!!

(All the Toa walk up to the coliseum in slow motion. Meanwhile, Nivawk whispers something to Dume.)

Dume: Hmm... interesting...... YOU STUPID BIRD!!! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!!!

Nivawk: Dreadfully sorry, old bean. It just jolly well seems that there are blooming Toa entering the coliseum.

Dume: I didn't know you could talk.

Pewku: It's a movie, what did you expect?

Director: :burnmad:

(The Toa enter the coliseum, still in slow motion.)


Vakama: Oops!

(He turns it off.)

Director Muttering: Fool...

Matau: Hello, Metru Nui! I always wanted to loud-shout that. I also wanted to do this.

(He pokes Nuju in the eye.)

Nuju: MY EYE! I'm blind... again!

Matau: Heh, heh, heh!

Onewa: Too much sugar...

Matau: :drool: Sugar-food...

Onewa: Stop doing that! It scares everyone and it wasted emoticons!

Dume: Vakama... Matoran one day, Toa the next. No wonder you haven't finished the Mask of Time.

Nokama: We present you the Great Disks and wish to be the new guardians of Metru Nui.

Dume: Toa must prove themselves with deeds, not gifts... unless it's pie.

Takua: I like pie!

Director: I like hurting morons!

Makuta, Takua, Vakama, and Matau: :ninja:

Dume: Matoran of Metru Nui, my brother- I mean the Great Spirit has provided us with six new Toa. Who will display their worthiness on this field of honor.

Whenua: This field of honor?! But it doesn't match with my nails!

Everyone Else: :blink:

Whenua: Not that I care...

(All the Toa give Vakama their Great Disks.)

Onewa: Loser!

Nuju: Freak..... I still can't see!

Matau: Fool!

Nokama: Love you-I mean... uh... never mind...

Vakama: blush.gif

Whenua: How can you blush if you're red?

Director: Stop thinking before you hurt yourself.

Whenua: Ow!

Dume: Cross the Sea of Protodermis and be honoured as Toa and win a lifetime supply of Listerine mouth wash!

Fish who is Randomly there: Stupid advertisements...

(Dume motions to Jaller to start the machine.)

Jaller: What does this button do?

(He pushes a button and Dume is hit with a pie in the face.)

Dume: Mmmm... blueberry...

(Jaller presses another button and the floor starts to move.)

Matau: Time to quick-run!

Onewa: No, it's 4:45!

(The Toa are beaten badly.)

Dume: Enough!

(Jaller stops the machine.)

Dume: Let us praise these jesters.

Takua: Thank you!

Dume: No! The other ones! Perhaps they were trying to entertain us during this difficult time. Or are they imposters?

Vakama: No! We're jesters!

Dume: Are they responsible for Lhikan's demise?

(Vakama points at the Dark Hunters.)

Vakama: No, they took him!

Krekka: Us?

Nidhiki: Do we look evil?

Vakama: Well-

Nidhiki: Shut up!

Dume: Seize them!

Vahki: Why?

Matau: 'Cause I stole his sugar-food.

Dume: :evilgrin:

Matau: Uh, oh...

(The Vahki advance and Jaller pushes another button.)

Jaller: Fun!

(He pushes lots of other buttons.)

Jaller: I like my job!

(The ground starts to shake and a tornado begins.)

Nokama: Nuju, hang on!

Nuju: But I can't see!

(Nuju, Onewa, and Whenua all get sucked into the tornado. Nokama and Matau stick their weapons into the ground, and Nokama grabs Vakama's foot. The Vahki continue to advance.)

Nokama: Vakama, bring the statue down!

Vakama: Okie dokie!

(He runs up to the statue of Lhikan and starts pulling it.)

Nokama: :glare: ... USE A DISK!

Vakama: Oh...

(Vakama shoots a Shrink disk at the statue and it shrinks. Then the Vahki trip on it and get sucked into the tornado. Then the remaining Toa escape.)

Dume to the Dark Hunters: The new Toa must not interfere with the plan.

Nidhiki: We have a plan?

Dume: Sigh...

Nidhiki: We shall not fail, but it would help to know what the plan is...

Edited by SPIRIT
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Chapter 4- Escape

(Last time, the Toa got all the Great Disks and presented them to Turaga Dume, who set them a challenge which they failed. Onewa, Nuju, and Whenua have been captured, and the remaining Toa have escaped. Now they are catching their breath at the edge of a tower.)

Vakama: We've been betrayed!

Matau Sarcastically: No, really?

Vakama: You sound like Nuju, who sounds like Lhikan.


Vakama: Don't touch me...

Takua: Can I?

Vakama: NO!

Nokama: We've got to save the others.

Matau Sarcastically: No, r-

Director: SHUT UP!!!

Vakama: :P

Director: YOU TOO!

Vakama: :( ...... To do that we need to find our mask powers.

Nokama: But we've got to get out of here. Come on!

(She jumps off the edge into a chute.)

Vakama: SUICIDE!!!

Matau: Fool.

(He pushes Vakama off the side.)

Vakama: HOMICIDE!!!

(Nidhiki and Krekka go into flight mode.)

Krekka: Observe! I have conquered gravity!

Nidhiki: Stop being smart when you're being stupid!

(Matau jumps off the edge into the chute.)

Matau: WHOO-HOO!

(He does a belly-flop on the chute and slowly sinks in and then zooms away.)

Director: Too much sugar.

(The three Toa fugitives go zooming through the chute. Vakama and Matau get onto a box, but Nokama swims freely. Back at the Coliseum, Nidhiki and Krekka are flying.)

Krekka: What is the probability that their voyage proceeded in this particular direction?

Nidhiki: Why do I bother?

Director: Because I make you!

Nidhiki: Oh...

(They fly away. Meanwhile, in Dume's private chambers, Dume walks up to a Suva in a room with reflective walls. Suddenly Makuta's red eyes appear in the "mirror".)

Makuta: The mask of time is not yet completed.

Dume: No... But when the Great Shadow falls, the Vahki will ensure every Matoran's fate... :evilgrin: especially Takua's.

Takua: Why do you keep talking to yourself?

Director: :burnmad: DIE MOVIE WRECKER!!!

Takua: This probably means no more pie...

(As Takua is getting beaten up by the Director, Dume leaves the room and the "mirror" gets bigger. Meanwhile, the Toa are still zooming through the chute and in the Ko-Metru chute operating station, the Dark Hunters have captured Kongu.)

Kongu: But the entire system could explode if I reverse the flow.

Nidhiki: Do it!

Kongu: You didn't say the magic word!

Nidhiki: :glare:... Abra Kadabra

Takua: Stop using old jokes!

Krekka: Well that was a bit ironic.

Kongu: Okay, I'll do it!

(He reverses the flow and the Toa go flying the other way. Nokama hooks onto a support with one of her hydro blades and she grabs Vakama, who grabs Matau. Then they are hit by a huge box. Meanwhile, in the prison of the Dark Hunters, Onewa is trying to escape.)

Onewa: Gotta...get outta... here!

Whenua Sarcastically: This just great!

Nuju: What? The fact that SPIRIT forgot that you're Nidhiki in the credits?

Whenua: No...... When I woke up, all I worried about was what dress- I mean mask I should wear. Now I got down in history as Metru Nui's least- I mean most wanted.

Onewa: I'm the one suffering here! Stuck with a Ko-Matoran big brain and an Onu-Matoran stock-boy.

Nuju: :D I have a big brain.

Director: That's debatable.

Nuju: We'll never escape. Our freedom is gone and our future is hopeless...

Stranger: Toa? Giving up hope?


Stranger: :glare:

(Meanwhile, in Ko-Metru, the other Toa are hanging from a support.)

Nokama: Everyone all right?

Matau: Sure, fine. Just enjoying the view. WHOO-HOO-HOO!

Nokama: Too much sugar...

Matau: :drool: Sugar-food... Ah! my tongue is frozen-cold!

Nokama: Looser!

(Vakama has a vision.)

Makuta: Vakama...

(A giant Lhikan appears.)

Vakama: Lhikan?

Lhikan Sarcastically: No, the Director!

Vakama: :OMG:

(He starts running around in circles. Then Lhikan turns into the Bionicle symbol, which turns into a star. Then the vision ends.)

Nokama: Vakama! Another vision?

Matau: No, he just had too much sugar-food.

Nokama: Hey! You didn't drool!

Matau: Duh! My tongue is frozen-cold! Stupid illiterate people...

(Vakama tries to clear his head.)

Matau: How about less vision-seeing and more Toa-saving?

(Nokama's hydro blades start to slip.)

Nokama: We're slipping!

Director: :glare:

Vakama: Can we make it to that tower?

Nokama: We're going to have to!

(They start swinging, but Nokama's hydro blades slip off and they go flying. Luckily, Nokama hooks on to the tower.)

Matau: That was fu-

(Vakama drops Matau.)

Matau: :drool: Goodbye precious sugar-food!

(Suddenly, his Aero Slicers become wings and he starts flying.)

Vakama: Has he found his mask power?

Matau: Look at me! I can wind-fly!

(He crashes into a billboard featuring Dume.)

Fish: Stupid advertisements...

Nokama: He didn't find his mask power, his tongue just defrosted.

Matau: :drool: Sugar-food...

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Chapter 5- A Plan Emerges

(Last time, Vakama, Nokama, and Matau escaped from the Dark Hunters; Dume revealed an evil secret; and Whenua, Onewa, and Nuju have met a stranger in the prison of the Dark Hunters. Matau is flirting with Nokama)

Matau: Hey, Nokama. Nice move back there.

Nokama: Very nice... too bad that's not the way you smell!

Takua: That was cold...

(He bursts out laughing.)

Director: :glare:

Takua: Cold... Ice... Ko-Metru... Get it?


Takua: Really? Someone should have said something.

Everyone Else: :burnmad:

Matau to Nokama: And check out these wings.. Whoo-hoo! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Nokama: :talk2hand: Sorry, I don't date sugar-addicted freaks.

Matau: :crying: ... -I mean :drool: Sugar-food...

Takua: Now that was cold!...

(He bursts out laughing.)

Director: :burnmad:

Takua: Oh yeah... not funny...

Vakama Mentally: One of these Great Disks has got to be the Mask of Time... even though they're all obviously disks...

(Vakama accidentally combines the Great Disks.)

Nokama: Vakama, we're going!

Vakama: Wait, look at this.

(He picks his nose.)

Vakama: Look, food!

Everyone Else: :OMG:

(Vakama points up.)

Vakama: Look!

(Nokama looks.)

Vakama: :lol: Made you look!

(A star flies by.)

Vakama: That's Lhikan's SPIRIT star. Each Toa has one. As long as it burns in the night sky, he remains alive.

Nokama: Why don't I have a star?

Director: Didn't you read the- ... Oh yeah... Stupid illiterate people...

Nokama: It's headed towards Po-Metru

Matau: What about our captured Toa brothers?

Vakama: If you read the script, you'd know they're in Po-Metru... Besides, we need to find Lhikan to stop Dume and free the other Toa... even though he's a senile old man and he frees them anyway.

Director: Stupid movie wreckers...

Matau: And how do you propose we quick-catch a spirit star?

(A bunch of Vahki transports goes by.)

Nokama: If I could read, I'd know if a way has been revealed...

(They run up to the transports and hop in. The transport is filled with strange, spherical storage containers.)

Vakama: What are these?

Matau: Storage containers, but most odd-looking.

Director: :glare:

(Vakama touches one and has a vision. He is floating above thousands of storage containers.)

Krekka: It appears that you have also achieved the ability to conquer gravity.

Vakama: :huh: Don't use so many big words... like "it".

(One of the containers opens up to reveal a blue Matoran with glowing red eyes.)

Makuta: Vakama!

(The vision ends.)

Vakama: The Matoran are in danger! All of their pictures have red eye!

(He opens up a container and sees that it is empty.)

Matau: Cross-wired!

(Meanwhile, in the prison of the Dark Hunters...)

Onewa: Turaga, I know you not, but Yoda-speak I do.

Lewa, Turaga Vakama, and Makuta: :alien: Yay Yoda-speak!

Takua: Stupid old jokes...

Stranger: Your concerns should be with your own identity, not mine.

Whenua: I knew we should have gotten name tags...

Stranger: Freedom and escape are different objectives, but both are easily realized.

Onewa: You are stuck with us so...

Stranger: I have freedom, even in here.

Toa: :huh:

Stranger Whispering: It's called a fire escape.

Takua: Stupid old jokes...

Stranger: But for escape, Toa mask powers are needed.

Nuju: I doubt we will ever be in touch with our mask powers.

Stranger: Never doubt what you are capable of... unless you're Takua.

Takua: I think I can fly!

Stranger: The Great Spirit lives through us all.

Nuju: Well, Onewa, you were right... he is senile.

(Meanwhile, back in the Vahki transport...)

Nokama: Vakama, your destiny no longer lies in sculpting masks. You are a Toa.

Vakama: I'll never be a real Toa... just like Invincibility Robots will never be real Bohrok... Besides, I can't even make a decent mask... I'm just a cross-wired freak with weird dreams... which... uh... don't involve you... :lookaround:

Nokama: I suddenly feel... unclean...

Vakama: Lhikan... you got it wrong...

Nokama: You will. Have faith... Just don't touch me...


Matau: Ride's over!

(All the Toa hop out of the Vahki transport.)

Matau: Stick close. Bad things happen in the desert.

(Nokama lights a lantern.)

Nokama: Oh, Matau. You don't know what you're talking about.

Vakama: Actually he does. This is where he discovered sugar.

Matau: :drool: Sugar-food...

(They walk through a field of abandoned statues and Vakama notices more containers.)

Matau: Hello!... Hello!

(It echoes.)

Matau: Guess they all quick-sped.

Nokama: Builders do not abandon their projects without good reason... unless it's Onewa...

Vakama: Where is everyone?


Director: Hey! You wrecked the moment! I can't believe the chapter cuts off here! Stupid DVD makers...

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Chapter 6- The Chase Begins

(Last time, Vakama, Nokama, and Matau went to Po-Metru in search of Lhikan. On the way there they discovered strange storage containers. Now, they walking through a field of statues.)

Vakama: Ahem! Where is everybody?

Krekka: Over here, Toa!

Takua: :lol: Ha! You just called yourself fat!

Krekka: I do not compre-

Nidhiki: Shut up!

Takua: Well, Vakama said "Where is everybody?" and you said "Over here". So you're saying that you are as fat as everybody combined.

Everyone Else: :huh:

Director: I'll deal with him, just continue the movie.

(While the Director beats the... poo... out of Takua, the Toa and Krekka start to fight. Nokama uses her Hydro Blades to block Krekka's attacks and Matau charges at him.)

Matau: A Toa-hero knows no fear!

No Fear: Hey, Matau!

Matau: Yo! S'up?

Takua: That's so dumb it's the kind of thing I would come up with.

(Nidhiki joins the fight and traps Matau in an energy net.)

Matau: Help! There's a Toa down!

Nokama: Now's our chance! Let's run away!

Director: :burnmad:

Nokama: Or not...

(Nokama and Vakama rush up to save Matau and Nidhiki and Krekka get ready to attack when suddenly the ground begins to shake.)

Krekka: Is it possible that you are causing this occurrence, my accomplice?

Nidhiki: blush.gif Excuse me!

Krekka: I am disgusted.

(Rocks start to fall and the shaking gets worse.)

Vakama: Bioquake?

Nokama: What the Karzahni is that?

Director: Don't swear with Bionicle words!

Nokama: Kikanalo!!!

Vakama: What the Karzahni is that?

Director: :burnmad:

Vakama: Sorry, Nokama is a bad influence... What's a wisdom?

Director: annoyed2.gif

(There are hundreds of Kikanalo and they are getting closer.)

Krekka: Let us depart rapidly!

Matau: What about me?!

Vakama: What about you?

Matau: I dunno...

Takua: This seems oddly familiar...

(Krekka starts to climb a statue.)

Krekka: Utilize my method of escape!

Nidhiki: No! Get down!

(The statue squishes them and the Toa are still running.)

Nokama: I was wrong, you were right.

Matau: It's amazing what you can learn when you're not always speak-teaching... For instance: Did you know that you can seek-find food in your nose?

Nokama: EW!!!

(Nokama hears a voice.)

Nokama: What did you say?

Matau: I said there's food in your- why the mask-glowing?

(Nokama stops, turns around and puts out her hand while Matau and Vakama hide.)


(The Kikanalo stop.)

Vakama: Yay, Gandalf!

Matau: WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!..... I found more sugar-food... :drool: ...

Nokama: My mask power... the chief wants to know why we are allied with the Dark Hunters.

Vakama: Tell him we're not. We seek a friend who has been taken by them.

Nokama: We are free to pass since we are both against the hunters who trespass the beauty of the heard lands... and because we have pie.

Takua: Must have the preciousssssss!

Matau: Beauty? Where?

Vakama: :wub: Nokama, obviously.

Nokama: I'll pretend I didn't hear that...

Matau: And who knew Kikanalo could think-talk?

GregF: I did!

Matau: It was a rhetorical question.

GregF: Oh...

Matau: I just thought Kikanalo were dumb beasts.

Nokama: Kikanalo think the same about tall, green Matoran.

Matau: Hey! I'm sea-green!

Vakama: Hmm... Tall Matoran... Ask him if the Dark Hunters have a tall Matoran.

(Nokama does so.)

Nokama to the Chief: Did the Dark Hunters have a tall Matoran?

Director: :glare:

Nokama: Yes. They take many things to the Place of Unending Whispers.

Vakama: What the Kar-

Director: :glare:

Nokama: That must be where they have Toa Lhikan!

Matau Sarcastically: No, really?

Nokama: The Kikanalo will show us the way.

Random Kikanalo to the Chief: What's that glowing thing, and why is it trying to talk to you?

Chief: I don't know, but maybe it has pie.

(Later, in the desert, the Toa are riding the Kikanalo.)

Matau: Only a great Toa rider could tame a wild Kikanalo beast.

(He falls off.)

Nokama: It seems the rider just got tamed.

Takua: Dry!...

(He bursts out laughing.)

Director: SHUT UP!!!

Vakama: Hi-yo Silver, away!

Nokama: Who is that masked man?

Matau: The natives call him Kemo Sabe, but the white-man calls him the Lone Ranger!

Takua: Stupid old T.V. shows...

Vakama: Actually it was on radio, then T.V.

Takua: Stupid political correctness...

Director: Stupid Takua saying stupid...

(Meanwhile, in the prison of the Dark Hunters, Nuju is carrying rocks, Whenua is walking around blind-folded, and Onewa is laughing hysterically.)

Stranger to Whenua: Do not rely on your memory. Look beyond and see what is.

Whenua: I'm not a Rahi bat, I can't see in the dark!

(He trips over a rock.)

Onewa: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!... Oh, boy... too much sugar... Soon you'll be ready for a game of pin the tail on the ash bear, record-keeper. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Whenua: But it's not my birthday yet!

Nuju: I could toil at this task forever and learn nothing for the future.

Stranger: At least the floor will be clean... and today you can learn that building a tower begins with the placement of a single stone.

Onewa: Ha! Ha! Ha! Build a tower? A thinker would never lay hands on stone.

Nuju: But I just did.

Onewa: Exactly.

Nuju: Oh........ Shut up!

Stranger: A Toa's duty is to all Matoran, regardless of village (even though they live in a city), so you shall help both your brothers.

(He hands him a blind-fold and a rock.)

Onewa: Stupid senile old man...

(Meanwhile, outside...)

Matau: Vahki, hundreds of them.

Nokama: That must be where Lhikan is!

Director: :glare:

Nokama: What should we do?

Vakama: I have a plan.

Matau: As long as it doesn't involve pie-food, I'll do it.

Vakama: Oh... never mind.

(Back inside, the captured Toa continue their tasks. Onewa and Whenua crash into each other and the rock Onewa was carrying hit Whenua in the head.)

Mechanical Voice: Brain cell count: Zero.

Whenua: :burnmad: That was a complete waste of time!

Stranger: Without self-discovery, you will never find your destiny. This is every Toa's duty to the Great SPIRIT.

Whenua: This whole thing was a load of duty if you ask me!

Onewa: Well no one did, so sit down.

Whenua: Taking orders from a psychopathic director was one thing, but from an over grown hammer swinger-

Onewa: Sit down!

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Use the force!

Onewa: :OMG: Another senile old man!

(Obi-Wan disappears.)

Onewa: Sit down, now!

(He uses his mask of mind control to make Whenua sit down.)

Whenua: You're history builder, even if I don't know how you did that!

Director: Stupid illiterate people...

(Whenua gets up to attack Onewa.)

Nuju: Stop!

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Use the force!

Director: Shut up!

Obi-Wan Kenobi: :(

(Nuju breaks a hole in the wall and makes a floating piles of rocks to separate Onewa and Whenua using his mask of telekinesis.)

Onewa and Nuju: Your mask is glowing! Wow!

(The stranger gestures to the hole that Nuju made.)

Stranger: I believe it is time to depart.

Director: And I believe it is time for Takua to shut up!

Takua: Dark...

(He bursts out laughing.)

Director: Shut up!

Edited by SPIRIT
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Chapter 7- Help from the Kikanalo

(Last time, Matau, Vakama, and Nokama fought the Dark Hunters and befriended the Kikanalo. Meanwhile, Nuju, Onewa, Whenua, and the Stranger escaped from the prison of the Dark Hunters. Now Nokama is riding a Kikanalo up to a bunch of Zadakh.)

Nokama: Follow me!

Zadakh 1: You can't tell us what to do!

Zadakh 2: But we have to stop her in case she causes disorder!

(The processors of those two Vahki only had 1 byte, so they exploded. The other Vahki, who had 2 byte memory processors, decided to chase her.)

Matau to some other Vahki: Hey! Hello.

(He rides away.)

Zadakh 3: Too much sugar...

Zadakh 4: Shall we chase him?

Zadakh 5: Oh yes, let's!

(So another bunch of Vahki goes skipping merrily after him. Nokama's Kikanalo runs to the edge of a cliff, with seemingly no escape. At the last second, the Kikanalo jumps up and all the Vahki go skidding off the cliff.)

Zadakh 6: Who greased the ground with pie?

Takua: :evilgrin:


(Nidhiki and Krekka fly up and see Matau walking away.)

Nidhiki: Krekka, circle right.

(Krekka makes two "L"s with his hands.)

Nidhiki: Don't you know left from right?!

Krekka: No, I'm dyslexic.

Nidhiki: Stupid dyslexic people...

Stupid Dyslexic People: :mad:

(The Dark Hunters split up and Matau shape-shifts into Nidhiki using his mask of illusion.)

Krekka: What is the location of the bio-mechanical being commonly known as a Toa?

Fake Nidhiki: :blink: ... You must have let him slip-past. Circle the other way-back.

Krekka: Why have you chosen to use the dialogue of the Le-Matoran?

Fake Nidhiki: :blink:

(Krekka goes back and Matau shifts into Krekka's shape.)

Nidhiki: Where did the Toa go?

Fake Krekka: I thought you were a Toa-hero.

Nidhiki: I've changed! I'm a new person! Please believe me!

Fake Krekka: :blink: ... Maybe he sneak-passed.

(Krekka sees the Fake Nidhiki go one way and the real one go the other way. So he tries to figure this out.)

Takua: :lol: Krekka's thinking! I've gotta watch this. Pass the popcorn!

Director: :burnmad: Get your own!

Takua: :crying:

(Krekka attacks the real Nidhiki.)

Nidhiki: Let go!

Krekka: What is the location of the bio-

Nidhiki: :glare: ... I told you to go that way!

Krekka: It is my belief that your instructions were the opposite!

Matau: Shape-shifting! Some mask powers are worth the wait!

Takua: But I thought you have the mask of illusion.

Director: Shut up!!!

Takua: :cry: We shared popcorn! I thought that meant something!

Director: Stupid soap opera lovers...

(Vakama is corned by Vahki. Suddenly, a bunch of Kikanalo jump down and roar at them.)

Zadakh 8: AHHHHHH! Bad breath! Run for it!

(All the Vahki run away.)

Matau: Hey, Kikanalo. Who's your mas-

(The Kikanalo beats him up.)

Matau: I mean partner.

(The Kikanalo licks him.)

Kikanalo: Yum! He has a sugary coating.

Matau: :drool: Sugar-food...

(He starts licking himself.)

Nokama: Ew!..... The chief says "not bad... for flat walkers". They will cover our heard tracks.

Vakama to Kikanalo: Toa Lhikan will be forever in your debt.

Kikanalo: Score!

(The Kikanalo roar and their bad breath causes rocks to block the door way.)

Matau: If they seal us in, how will we get out?

Nokama: :rolleyes: Sigh... the fire exit!

(Nivawk sees all this and reports to Dume.)

Makuta: Excellent... except I CAN'T TALK TO BIRDS!!!

Kualus: I can!

Director: You're early! Wait for next year!

Nivawk: Terribly sorry, old chap. It's just that those blooming Toa are about to jolly well free Lhikan.

Makuta: Dume's mask has been useful... as a backscratcher... Now for it's final task. The future will be mine... even without the mask of time.

Nivawk: What do you mean, old bean?

Makuta: :evilgrin: I'm gonna make everyone watch me dance the Can-can.

Everyone Else: :OMG:

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Chapter 8- The Captured Break Out

(Last time, with the help of the Kikanalo, Nokama, Matau, and Vakama broke into the prison of the Dark Hunters, and Makuta revealed that he has been disguising himself as Dume. Now Onewa, Whenua, Nuju, and the Stranger are preparing to leave the prison of the Dark Hunters.)

Nuju: All that lies ahead is shadow.

Whenua: It has to be better than what's behind us.

(Takua is standing behind them.)

Takua: :(

(Whenua's mask lights up.)

Onewa: Your mask power!

Nuju Sarcastically: No, really?

Stranger: Stop cramping my- I mean Lhikan's styles!

Takua: But I thought you-

Stranger: SHUT UP!

(He beats Takua up.)

Director: Stop cramping my cramped styles!

Whenua: Our future just got a whole lot brighter.

Onewa Sarcastically: Can that mask glow any brighter?

Whenua: It's already brighter than you.

Takua: Dark!...

(He bursts out laughing.)

Director: :glare:

Takua: But the mask is bright, but I said dark before, but it's not funny- AHHH!

(He falls on the ground while holding he head and twitching.)

Director: :lol: I always knew that he was too stupid to think!

Nuju: I think we're going the wrong way.

Whenua: :glare: There is only one way... Besides, I know these tunnels like the back of my hand... Hey! I never noticed knuckles there...

(A Rorzakh attacks him.)

Whenua: :OMG:

Director: Relax, It's just Matau.

Matau: Hey guys! What did I miss?

Director and Whenua: :mellow:

(The Rorzakh steals Whenua's wallet and runs away.)

Whenua: Shape-shifting?

Matau: Yeah. And you should hear Nokama translate Kikanalo.

Whenua Insanely: Should I? SHOULD I?!?!

Matau: :ninja:

Whenua: So we've all discovered our mask powers.

Vakama: Everyone but me...

Onewa Pretend-Sneezes: Freak!

Nuju: How did you know we were here?

Nokama: We read the script.

Director: :blink: YOU CAN READ?!?!

Nokama: :unsure: Well, no... But I like to pretend!

Director: :glare:

Nokama: Anyway, we came for Lhikan.

Onewa: Well, he's not here.

Stranger: Not exactly...


Stranger: No, I am him!

Matau: Who?

Stranger Sarcastically: The paper boy!

Matau: Really? How much does paper-food cost?

Nokama: Paper-food?... EW!!!

Vakama: Toa Lhikan?

Matau: Fool! He's the paper boy!

Stranger Muttering: Morons (Normally:) You are Toa, I am Turaga Lhikan.

Onewa: I told you he was senile!

Whenua: Why didn't you tell us who you were?

Lhikan: 'Cause it was funny!

Director: :glare:

Lhikan: And you needed to know who you are to discover your powers.

Whenua: But I know who I am!

(He reads his name tag.)

Whenua Slowly: Wuh-hee-e-nuh-oo-ah

Director: annoyed2.gif

Matau: Quick-stop! Where did your power go?

Lhikan Sarcastically: It went to the store!

Matau: Really? What did it get-buy?

Lhikan: :glare: ... My power lives on in all of you. Tell me, the heart of Metru Nui, you have it safe? Because Yoda-speak I do.

Makuta, Turaga Vakama, Lewa, and Toa Onewa: Yay Yoda-speak!

Vakama Confused: Well, we're rescuing you now.

Lhikan: You are so misguided.........................................................................................................

Director: :glare:

Lhikan: I am not Metru Nui's heart; the Matoran are.

Vakama: Then I failed you. I told you; I'm a cross-wired freak, chasing my dreams, wasting everyone's time. I'll never be a real Toa!

Invincibility Robots: We'll never be real Bionicle... things...

Nokama: Vakama-

Lhikan: We cannot help him... He needs a psychiatrist... He must learn to believe in himself. Only then will he find his destiny.

(Vakama leans on a Matoran capsule and finds Turaga Dume inside, in stasis.)

Vakama: AHHH! It's hideous!... Turaga Dume?

Lhikan: The true Turaga Dume. An impostor is posing a mask we all trust... sort of... not really... not at all...

Makuta: Bring me the precioussss- I mean Mask of Time.

Takua: You said that already.

Director: WHO CARES?!?!

Onewa: If this is Dume-

Vakama: You don't want to know who's really in control of Metru Nui.

Onewa: Actually, I was going to say, "I guess I don't owe him any money now".

Takua: Don't you mean widgets?


(As Takua gets beaten up... again... a whole bunch of Vahki come running towards them.)

Rorzakh 1: Run!

Takua: Tag!  You're it!

(All the Vahki run away from Rorzakh 1.)

Matau: Run now, talk later! I'm too young to be it!

(Whenua opens a huge door.)

Whenua: In here!

(All the Toa and Lhikan run in and they close the door on the Vahki.)

Onewa (It's really Nuju, but that's what the DVD subtitles say): Our only escape is blocked!

Vakama: Then we use the fire exit... or we make our own!

Whenua: Finally, this tunnel will be fire safe!

(Everyone gets into a Vahki transport and Matau revs the engine.)

Onewa: What about Dume?

Vakama: He'll be safe until we return... in 2005.

(Whenua uses his Earthshock Drills to dig a tunnel, but the Vahki break down the door.)

Takua: Hey! This chapter didn't have a funny ending so I'm going to do something stupid!

Director: That goes without saying.

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Chapter 9- The Shadow has Arrived

(Last time, Whenua, Nuju, Onewa, and the Stranger- who revealed that he was Turaga Lhikan- left the prison of the Dark Hunters and found the other Toa. They also discovered that Dume is an imposter. Now all of the Matoran are gathered in the Coliseum and Dume is on the jumbo-tron.)

Dume: Matoran of Metru Nui, you are required to gather at the Coliseum. Rejoice! For you shall watch me dance the Can-can!


Matau: Grip-tight!

(The Toa's Vahki transport breaks through the ground.)

Matau: Hey, Nokama. I see us taking a romantic ride-drive.

Nokama: And you think Vakama has odd visions.

Matau: He does!

Vakama: I'm just a cross-wired freak with weird dreams... which... uh... don't involve you... :lookaround:

Nokama: I feel unclean again!!!

(Onewa hits Whenua.)

Onewa: Hey glow-head!

Whenua: :mad:

Onewa: Good job!

Whenua: I'm still gonna beat up.

Onewa: :ninja:

(Back in the Coliseum...)

Dume: It is important that you co-operate with the Vahki... they have feelings too.

Nuparu: No they don't.

Dume: Oh... well then poke them in the eye.

Vahki: :(

(The Vahki transports take the Matoran away and the Toa's Vahki transport enters the Coliseum.)

Matau: Where is everyone?

(The back door of the Vahki transport opens and all the Toa run out and Turaga Lhikan hobbles out slowly.)

Lhikan: Quickly!

Nuju: The irony of that hurts.

Dume: Too late Toa... the Matoran have already seen me dance.


Dume: MUHA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! The shadow has arrived.

(He takes off Dume's Kiril and reveals himself to be-)

Lhikan: Makuta! You were sworn to protect the Matoran!

Makuta: I had my fingers crossed... and I shall protect them. When they awake, I will be their great leader.

Vakama: Deceit and self-interest will always- I mean never be virtues the Matoran honour.

Makuta: How very bold... Now even the Great SPIRIT will soon sleep.

(Metru Nui's twin suns eclipse and Metru Nui is covered in darkness.)

Vakama: We must find the Matoran. Whenua, what can you see?

Whenua: A freak!

Vakama: No, look at the ground.

(Whenua looks away from Takua and looks at the ground.)

Takua: :(

(Whenua uses his Great Ruru.)

Whenua: Matoran capsules- thousands of them. They're down below.

(While the Toa go to the Matoran, Makuta is filled with power.)

Nokama: Can we save all the Matoran?

Vakama: According to GregF's stolen story bible (which I stole from Makuta) we can, but not all of them. We'll get the others in 2005.

Lhikan: We must get them to safety.

(While the Toa load some Matoran onto the Vahki transport, Makuta has transformed into a void, which surrounds the Coliseum.)

Makuta: Join me!

(He sends a red hand after Nivawk.)

Nivawk: I say! Can't we discuss this over tea and crumpets, old bean?

(The Toa are trying to leave Metru Nui as fast as possible, but Nidhiki and Krekka attack them.)

Krekka: Bio-mechanical being commonly known as Toa! Have the synaptic regions of your brain registered any information concerning myself?

Matau: :blink:

Nidhiki: Toa or senile-freak, your fate shall be the same, Lhikan!

Obi-Wan Kenobi to Onewa: Use the force!

Onewa: :OMG: HE'S BACK!!!

(He uses his Great Komau.)

Onewa to Krekka: Get Nidhiki.

Krekka: Attack my crustacean accomplice. Attack my crustacean accomplice.

(Krekka gives Nidhiki a bear-hug.)

Takua: How cute! They love each other... actually that's pretty gross.

(Onewa makes Krekka jump off the Vahki transport and Makuta's hand grabs the two Dark Hunters.)

Makuta: Join me! Be part of my power!

(The Toa's Vahki transport is running to the Great Temple, but they are stopped by an army of Vahki.)

Matau: Where to now?

Vakama: Take us over the edge!

(The Vahki start shooting at them.)

Matau: Let's hope this thing floats.

(They go into the sea and sink.)

Director: :D YES!!! Seven morons are dead!

(The Vahki look over the edge.)

Random Vahki: Whoever was driving that had too much sugar.

(The Vahki walk away and the Vahki transport resurfaces.)


Matau: Hey, it does float... kind of...

Takua: Hey! The Director hasn't said shut up all chapter and I haven't said pie!... Pie pie pie pie pie pie pie-

Director: SHUT UP!!!

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Chapter 10- Battling Makuta

(Last time, Dume- who is really Makuta- put all of the Matoran into the capsules, covered the island in darkness, and absorbed the Dark Hunters and Nivawk. The Toa have rescued six capsules and they are trying to escape the island on a Vahki transport. Now Vakama is making a Vahi.)

Matau: You no longer need to mask-make, Vakama. It's time you got a life!

Vakama: Time- of course. That's what the false Turaga wanted.

(Then Vakama pieces his visions together and he gets another one.)

Lhikan: Follow the light.

Vakama: No! My time has not come yet!

Lhikan: :glare:

(The vision ends.)

Vakama: Follow the light. Our destiny lies in the light beyond the Great Barrier... This stolen stolen story bible is very useful.

(Makuta jumps onto a rock near the Toa's "boat".)

Makuta: Your journey must end.

Matau: But I wasn't quick-speeding! You can't give me a ticket.

Makuta: Then I will do something worse.

Matau: Please don't make us see-watch you dance the Can-can!!!

Makuta: Fine... but your journey must still end.

Vakama: By the will of the Great SPIRIT it has just begun!

Makuta: Then perish in the real Sea of Protodermis.

Takua: Actually the floor of the Coliseum was made out of Protodermis too.

Makuta: Is the floor a liquid?

Takua: No... Dark!...

(He bursts out laughing.)

Director: Shut up!!!

(He puts Takua into a Matoran capsule.)

Director: Finally a bit of sanity-

Onewa, Turaga Lhikan, Lewa, Turaga Vakama, Makuta: :alien: Yoda-speak!!!

Pohatu: What about me?!

SPIRIT: blush.gif Oops!

Matau: :drool: Sugar-food...

Vakama: I found more food in my nose!

Nokama: What's a wisdom?

Director: annoyed2.gif

(Makuta makes columns of water just like in the coliseum.)

Vakama: Matau, stay true to the light.

Matau: But it's not my time yet!

Director: It will be if you don't do this right!

Matau: :fear:

(Makuta makes the walls of water impede their progress, but the other Toa are able to help Matau steer out of the way.)

Vakama: Nuju, get me up there.

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Use the force!

Onewa: I thought we were done with you!

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Nope.

Onewa: :OMG:

(Nuju uses his Great Matatu to lift Vakama so that he can fight Makuta.)

Vakama: I can fly!

(Makuta makes a pillar of water hit the boat, causing Nuju to lose his concentration and causing Vakama to fall. Matau accidentally crashes into a pillar of water and the Matoran fall into the sea.)

Nokama: The Matoran!

Director: :glare:

Takua: Wanna know what I just discovered?

Director: I thought you were in that capsule!

Takua: No, that was my stunt double.

Stunt Double: Hey... there aren't any air-holes in this thing...

Takua: I learned that there are two slightly different emoticons: dry.gif and :glare: .

Director: Just two more chapters. Just two more chapters. Just two more chapters...

(Vakama pulls out the Vahi.)

Makuta: The Mask of Time... Obi-Wan has taught you well.

Vakama: :unsure: He's not here, is he?

Makuta: No... You are a great mask maker.

Vakama: Do you really mean that?

Makuta: Uh... sure... You could have many destinies. Join the Dark Side.

Vakama: I desire just one noble destiny, more than any power you can offer me.

Makuta: Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son.

Vakama: You're my father?

Makuta: Uh... sure... Now accept your Dume.

Director: We went over this in the last movie! It's DOOM-eh!

Takua: Actually it's DOO-ma.

Director: :mellow:

Takua: Dark!

(He bursts out laughing.)

Director: SHUT UP!!! Can't a guy make a mistake?

Takua: Well a guy could...

Director: :burnmad: SHUT UP!!!

(Makuta sends out his "hand" and Vakama slows down time with the Vahi. Just as the hand is about to grab him, Turaga Lhikan jumps in the way and the hand grabs his Fire Greatswords. The Vahi falls off of Vakama's face and Makuta goes after it.)

Vakama: Lhikan! That was meant for me.

Lhikan: This is my lifetime's journey. Yours lies beyond. Trust in your visions... Just for once let me look at my son with my own eyes...

Vakama: :blink: You're my father too?

Lhikan: Uh... sure...

(Vakama takes Lhikan's Hau and gives him props; then Lhikan dies. Vakama stands up and becomes invisible.)

Vakama: My mask power.

(He goes off to fight Makuta who is examining the Vahi.)

Makuta: The precioussss...

(Vakama becomes visible again and shoots a disk at the Vahi.)

Vakama: Not this time.

Makuta: NOOOOO!!!

(The Vahi falls in the sea.)

Makuta: Without the precioussss it will take a lifetime's journey to find both our destinies. Only yours will be brief.

Director: Hurray for Makuta!!!

(Makuta shoots a hand out at Vakama, but he jumps out of the way and the hand grabs a rock and Makuta hits himself with it. Vakama activates his Great Huna and becomes invisible.)

Vakama: Over here!

(Makuta grabs the rock and hits himself with it. He does this several times, but he just can't get Vakama.)

Makuta: I know where you are.

Vakama: You're facing the wrong way, I'm behind you.

Takua: Stupid old jokes...

(Vakama throws a stone and that tricks Makuta into hitting himself again.)

Makuta: Show yourself!

Vakama: Makuta! Giving up so soon?

Makuta: You cannot hide from me.

Vakama: Once again I'm behind you! Besides, I don't need to, I'm a Toa.

Invincibility Robots: And we're Bionicles.

Director: No you aren't! You put an "s" on the word! You're going to the Crusher!

Invincibility Robots: :fear:

(Makuta shoots out his hand at Vakama, but Vakama jumps out of the way and Makuta ends up squishing himself with a giant rock.)

Makuta: If Lhikan could not defeat me alone, how could you?

Takua: Actually, if you read SPIRIT's unsuccessful epic-

Director: Don't wreck that too!

Nokama: He's not alone.

(The other Toa run up to Vakama.)

Toa: Unity!

(They combine their power and shoot it at Makuta, but nothing happens.)

Nuju: What a waste of time!

(He freezes Makuta.)

Takua: But GregF said that he was trapped in Protodermis.

Nuju: What does he know? It's not like he's an expert or anything...

Takua: Actually-

Nuju and Director: SHUT UP!!!

Edited by SPIRIT
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Chapter 11- We are Toa

(Last time, Vakama completed the Vahi and used it in a battle against Makuta, but it was lost in a struggle. In the end, the combined might of all the Toa was enough to imprison Makuta in a cage of protodermis and Turaga Lhikan died. Now the clouds have parted and a shooting star shoots across the sky and it separates into six smaller ones.)

Vakama: Six SPIRIT stars.

Nuju: The Great Spirit proclaims it. We are Toa!

Invincibility Robots: And we're Bionicles!

Director: :burnmad: NO YOU ARE NOT!!! AND THERE IS NO "S"!!!

(The Toa carry some Matoran capsules towards a light and then time warps and 2005 is completely skipped.)

Director: Takua! Stop messing with the time machine!

Takua: So you're saying that this isn't a pie-maker.

Director: :glare:

(There are hundreds of Matoran capsules on a beach.)

Vakama: Lhikan sacrificed his power for us. Now we shall do the same for them.

(He touches a capsule and it is filled with Toa power. The capsule opens and this Matoran inside awakens, but Vakama becomes a Turaga.)

Onewa: I thought we were finished with the senile old men!

Vakama: You're gonna be one too.

Onewa: :OMG:

(The other Toa sacrifice their Toa power and all of the Matoran and they become Turaga.)

Vakama: May the heart of Metru Nui live forever, for this is the island of Mata Nui, named in honour of the Great Spirit.

Random Ta-Matoran: What's a Metru Nui? And why did those cool robot-dudes become senile old men?

Nokama: :mad:

Random Ta-Matoran: What?

Vakama: Uh oh... according to my stolen stolen story bible, the Matoran have forgotten everything and for some strange reason, we have to feel sorry for them and pretend that it never happened..... Who writes this stuff?!

GregF: I do.

Vakama: :glare:

Random Ta-Matoran: What's the answer to my question?

Vakama: Uh....................... four?

Random Ta-Matoran: :glare:

Vakama: Uh.................... There's no such thing as a Metru Nui...... you're just crazy.

Random Ta-Matoran: Oh... That makes sense! :D

Takua: Mr. Senile-Old-Man?

Turaga: Yes?

Nokama: :mad:

Takua: Jaller's face is broken.

Vakama: :huh:

Takua: I mean pie-holder.

Vakama: :huh:

Takua: I mean mask.

Vakama: Take Lhi-

Director: :burnmad:

Vakama: Take Lhii the uh...... surfer's face- I mean pie-holder- I mean mask.

(Vakama gives Jaller Lhikan's Noble Hau which becomes a Great Hau.)

Vakama: And so it was as it is. Moron into sugar-addict-

Matau: :drool: Sugar-food...

Vakama: Sugar-addict into senile old man-

Nokama: :mad:

Vakama: And senile old man into hilarity. Making fun of movies and harming Takua bodily. Humoured by stupidity, entertained by insanity. This is the way of the comedy.

Takua: I thought the way of the comedy was

New legends fall asleep, but old lessons must be forgotten.

Director: SHUT UP!!!

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