Embers - Review Topic

[Nato G]

Welcome to the review topic for Embers. This tale unfolds in an alternate timeline where the Great Spirit Robot mysteriously shuts down in the midst of Teridax’s takeover. In the wake of this second Great Cataclysm, lightstones and heatstones begin to dim and die throughout the universe, dooming its denizens to a dark, cold demise.

Metru Nui – with lifegiving light still seeping through the sun holes overhead, and its cold streets heated by the fires of the Great Furnace – becomes the last bastion for the Matoran species. But when the city’s Toa depart to rescue Matoran still trapped out in the dark of the dying universe, they leave the populace vulnerable to the machinations of an unexpected enemy, and return to a city they no longer recognise.

I won’t include content warnings for each specific chapter, so be aware that this story will have a darker tone, both literally and figuratively. There are no clear-cut heroes in Embers, no easy answers or perfect heroes. The story deals with themes of loss and despair, PTSD and misplaced faith, but also hope despite adversity, and unity against great odds. In chapters to come, there will be depictions of violence, mentions of suicide, ethical dilemmas, and bonkle-styled cursing. For the purists out there, be warned that within the world of Embers, genders aren’t locked to specific elements, romance does exist, and some aspects of Bionicle history have been reinterpreted.

On a similar note, I generally prefer not to mess with canon characters too much when writing fanfics. As such, this story won’t be featuring too many familiar faces. I’ll leave it up to the imagination of readers as to whether there were simply different heroes in this universe, or if the heroes of prime canon met with unfortunate fates off-screen.

Those who’ve read some of my older stories on this site, or have played with me over on the RPG forum, may also recognise some names or character concepts. That’s just me recycling old ideas I like; no prior knowledge of older versions of those characters is required, and they will likely be portrayed differently in this story anyway (though I may slip in some sneaky references on occasion).

With all of that out of the way, any feedback and comments are greatly appreciated.

I hope you enjoy Embers.

Book 1 - Darkness

Book 2 - Duty

Book 3 - Disunity

Book 4 - Death

Book 5 - Divinity

Book 6 - Defiance

Edited April 27 by Nato G

[Master Inika]

This is a promising start. Canon seemed to imply that faith in Mata Nui was somehow misplaced, like a kid-friendly version of Dune, but nothing was really done with it. I am interested to see how this will play out.

[Master Inika]

Jokes aside, this was an excellent first chapter. It feels the most like the aftermath of a real war set in the BIONICLE universe, unlike the battles against the Rahi or even something like the Toa-Dark Hunter War, that always felt fun and kid-friendly. Your writing really captures the futility of it.

On the surface, it reads kind of like the typical "grimdark" fiction that non-fans probably think BIONICLE fanfics are like, but this is actually well-written and feels like an ideal version of trope. The characters are grounded and relatable. And the cliffhanger ending I did not see coming. I am excited for the next chapter.

[Nato G]

4 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

On the surface, it reads kind of like the typical "grimdark" fiction that non-fans probably think BIONICLE fanfics are like, but this is actually well-written and feels like an ideal version of trope. 

Thanks for the feedback. I knew from the outset that I'd be setting myself up for those kind of comparisons.

There was a time where I considered making the first few chapters a little lighter to ease readers into the darker tone, but given how the rest of the story came out it almost felt kind of disingenuous and deceptive. I wanted this first chapter to really set the tone and let readers know what to expect from here on out (in case all of the content warnings I put in the intro post of this topic weren't enough). 

26 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

It feels the most like the aftermath of a real war set in the BIONICLE universe. Your writing really captures the futility of it.

When I started out, my one-sentence summary for Embers was “Bionicle as a war movie”, so it’s been a real balancing act throughout to treat certain topics with the severity and seriousness they deserve, while also trying not to trip head-first into full grimdark territory. I ended up spending an unhealthy amount of time watching war films over the past two-ish years to get myself into the right mindset. 

[BuckJohnson]

You beat me to the punch on a dark Bionicle horror story. Excellent work so far; it's hard to describe the sense of dread I felt about the prospect of permanently sealing off Metru-Nui. I'm also enjoying the characters. I'm sure nothing bad will happen to them! Keep up the good work, will definitely be keeping an eye on this one.

[Master Inika]

Another excellent chapter. Good job at making the Vahki actually seem formidable.