Caved In

[Dane-gerous]

Some things should never be unearthed...

Comic 1

Comic 2

(full credit to Onaku for the amazing title card, that guy is a god)

Edited June 20, 2016 by Roadhog

[Tahu3.0]

Yay another comic series by the Vahki Dane.

[Irrie]

Nice tag usage. 

[Dane-gerous]

I thought you might like it :^)

[Soran]

Howdy,

 

Soran here. It's nice to see another series pop up. I'll go ahead and stick with my first impressions.

 

This series definitely has potential to be something great. I can already tell you that I was hooked from the beginning. You've got a great setup for a story. In fact, it's probably one of the best setups I've seen for a story on the site. It's got some mystery, it's got action and it helps set up the scene. Just from the intro I'm made aware that this takes place in yuio-nui (which most likely is an island), there are several villages that are a part of the island, and there is a mountain range and an underground portion to it. I'm also given an indication to the capabilities of the matoran featured in the story and I'm able to infer that the Turaga on the island know of something that the matoran are unaware of. All of this in an easy to read and well written set up. Nicely done.

 

The rest of the comic could definitely use some work, mainly in the graphics department. Since it appears to be an adventure comic I won't gripe too much about the backgrounds as I know that it can be tedious to create backgrounds, especially ones you would probably only use once. The only thing I would like to give some advice about in regards to the backgrounds is to set up a panel size and work off of that. It'll help make the comic transition easier as well benefit you in keeping the backgrounds similar. As it appears as though your backgrounds that you have featured in the comic was newly made for each panel when it simply could've been copied and pasted. 

 

I like the sprite choice it's a good kit (I'll just pat myself on the back) but it looks as though you may have messed up on recoloring Izar's sprite sheet. It's noticeable specifically with the pose in the 2nd, 3rd and 5th panels. It looks as though you tried to recolor them by hand which definitely can be troublesome. Just going off of the appearance of the comic, I'm assuming you're using MS Paint, in which case I recommend using this guide to recoloring: Link 

This should at least help with that.

 

I would like to add though that I enjoy the fact that your comics are actually using BIONICLE elements in them, like keeping characters in their proper color schemes. All the time in the past I would see people making all sorts of different colored characters and trying to pass them off as some certain element. 

 

Next thing is the text. The font choice could be better but that's not what I'm concerned about. What I'm most concerned about is the size of the font. It's very inconsistent and it ends up looking odd or at some points hardly readable. If I were to give my opinion on the best choice of font, I'd go with 6th panel in your comic. That panel has got the best font appearance and size in your comic. It's easy to read and it isn't too large or too small, it's just the right size.

 

Now I know that I said I wouldn't gripe too much on the backgrounds but I figured I would at least point it out. It definitely would be best to make some sort of background that gives some indication to where the characters are. Add some depth, add some volume, add some texture, etc. I would also recommend shying away from using too many photos as backgrounds as they are normally harder to pull off in terms of looking good with sprites. It did however give me an indication to where they are so that was a positive.

 

I can't say much about the characters at this point in the story but I look forward to seeing where they go story wise. 

 

All in all, I would say that the comic definitely has got one of the best intros I've seen and is a great set up for a story. The graphics could improve in some regard but you've got promise. I look forward to seeing where this comic leads to and I anticipate the next comic,

 

~Soran

[Dane-gerous]

holy karzahni

senpai noticed me!

 

right, to address my text problem, this is actually me being stupid and not making big enough text bubbles.

this is something i will fix next time.

secondly. the sprite sheet

this is most definitely one of biggest struggles when making comics, i'm not very good at distinguishing colors by hand, usually, this guide helps me a karzing lot, though.

backgrounds is something i'm going to have to work on, not entirely sure how i'm going to solve this problem yet, but i'll come up with something

thanks a lot for the in depth response

[Dane-gerous]

onaku has made me a new titlecard, and the new comic comes out later today

hold onto yer butts

[Petewa]

Panel by panel examination:

Panel one/two: Nice exposition documentation.

Panel three: Sanok's a cool mask, I remember the first Bionicle related thing I ever did on the internet had a Sanok wearing female Ta-Mataruan as the main character.

Panel four: He can fly.

Panel five: Text's kind of hard to read.

Panel six: Burn.

Panel seven: Love isn't canon. *remembers Mataru Nui* Then again, who am I to judge.

[Dane-gerous]

comic 2 done

[Petewa]

Hey look, it's you!

[Dane-gerous]

uh...what?

i have no idea what you're talking about 

[Petewa]

Sure you do.