Jump to content
The 1st Shadow

REVIEW: Shades of the Past

Recommended Posts

Solid opening. Having not read any of the works you named, I can't make any guesses to the plot yet, but I appreciate how well-written it is. I didn't notice any grammar, spelling, or punctuation errors. I'm curious to see what happens to Sigilix, so I'll be checking back.


"You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your
future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer.
"
-- Turaga Nokama

nichijou2.jpg

Click here to visit my library!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Heya.
 
As another informative post, to collaborate with Shadow's intro on the first chapter, this marks the end of what is considered "Wave 1" of the Kanohi Force. That means any and all data added onto the Force's official library, be it comedy chapters or approved epics/short stories, will be counted as Wave 2, and any new members will be counted in this second wave as well. This does not change the standpoint, position, or validation of any of the new or upcoming members, and the Kanohi Force is still free to join, by whoever is interested. More information can be found here.

 

Chapter-wise, Shadow, I wasn't really impressed aside from the overall feel. Then again, I've read your previous works, and it is an improvement. Keep up the good work!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Heya.

 

As another informative post, to collaborate with Shadow's intro on the first chapter, this marks the end of what is considered "Wave 1" of the Kanohi Force. That means any and all data added onto the Force's official library, be it comedy chapters or approved epics/short stories, will be counted as Wave 2, and any new members will be counted in this second wave as well. This does not change the standpoint, position, or validation of any of the new or upcoming members, and the Kanohi Force is still free to join, by whoever is interested. More information can be found here.

 

Chapter-wise, Shadow, I wasn't really impressed aside from the overall feel. Then again, I've read your previous works, and it is an improvement. Keep up the good work!

As an ostensible member of Kanohi Force, I'm surprised I have a page on that website. The only thing that it gets wrong is that my name is not pronounced "MAH-stur in-EE-kuh" as my page purports, but rather "BLEEN-gus BLAHN-gus. SHEEN-gus SHAHN-gus."

"You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your
future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer.
"
-- Turaga Nokama

nichijou2.jpg

Click here to visit my library!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nice to see another bit of Kanohi Force literature in production. Maybe this will motivate me to finally get off my rump and finish Gilead.

The exposition looks great, keep it up Shadow!


bZpOwEr

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

http://www.bzpower.com/board/topic/23076-shades-of-the-past/?p=1091757

 

Second chapter is here! I'm currently working on chapter 3, so expect it in the next day or so. Yes, it's still slow going, but I wanted to get some of the main conflict in there before we get going with the rest of the story. Read on, and I'll see you again soon for the next installment. :)

  • Upvote 1

~Your friendly, neighborhood Shadow

 

sotpbanner.png

~Credit for Avatar and Banner goes to

NickonAquaMagna~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Aw. I was expecting him to be called Ishmael, with that build-up.

 

Jokes aside, this is pretty good so far. I guess this means I'll have to stop being lazy and update Endless... ;~;

 

 

Keep up the good work!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nice. I like it more than the first chapter, but I still notice the chapter feels full as you're reading it, but when you finish and reflect, it seems like not much has happened. It works in its favor, it a way--keeps me wanting more.

 

One slight criticism is the delivering of the information regarding the quakes and 40 years of natural disasters. That information was told, not shown. It would have been much better to relay it through the dialogue, where you did excellently add character to exposition. My favorite bit was Sigilix's line, "My great grandfather was a Chronicler in his youth, but he didn't call it his true profession." Perfect example of throwing in bits of characterization and worldbuilding to keep it from becoming a textbook-style infodump.


"You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your
future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer.
"
-- Turaga Nokama

nichijou2.jpg

Click here to visit my library!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nice. I like it more than the first chapter, but I still notice the chapter feels full as you're reading it, but when you finish and reflect, it seems like not much has happened. It works in its favor, it a way--keeps me wanting more.

 

One slight criticism is the delivering of the information regarding the quakes and 40 years of natural disasters. That information was told, not shown. It would have been much better to relay it through the dialogue, where you did excellently add character to exposition. My favorite bit was Sigilix's line, "My great grandfather was a Chronicler in his youth, but he didn't call it his true profession." Perfect example of throwing in bits of characterization and worldbuilding to keep it from becoming a textbook-style infodump.

I'm in conjunction with this epic, so I should probably say something... :/

 

The '40 years of natural disasters' is meant to be kept generally unspecific, although we'll get more detail later. The reason for that, is... Well... Spoilers. ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

New chapter is up!

 

 

Nice. I like it more than the first chapter, but I still notice the chapter feels full as you're reading it, but when you finish and reflect, it seems like not much has happened. It works in its favor, it a way--keeps me wanting more.
 

Fortunately for you, we're about to dive into the fun part of the story. Stuff will start happening and it'll feel less textbook-y, if all goes according to plan.

  • Upvote 1

~Your friendly, neighborhood Shadow

 

sotpbanner.png

~Credit for Avatar and Banner goes to

NickonAquaMagna~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Love it! I'm pumped to read the next chapter. All things considered, these three chapters did a great job at establishing both characters, defining the world they inhabit, and even setting up a few mysteries. Keep up the good work.


"You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your
future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer.
"
-- Turaga Nokama

nichijou2.jpg

Click here to visit my library!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You should check out my epic: "Ahkmou's Return". If you like this story, you may like mine.

Very nice of you, but review topics are just for commenting on the story they link to. If you want to advertise your own story, do it in your signature or elsewhere. I'd recommend updating your post to include some comments on this story first. 

  • Upvote 1

~Your friendly, neighborhood Shadow

 

sotpbanner.png

~Credit for Avatar and Banner goes to

NickonAquaMagna~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...