Wade.

IC: Alfon I was already waiting outside by the time Skri stumbled out the doors, propped against a pillar with my arms crossed. I waved her over, breathing a bittersweet sigh of relief knowing she wasn't drunk enough for me to hold her hand all the way back to the Magma Lounge. "You ready to roll? And I don't mean 'roll' literally."

IC: Alfon Had I lacked a little more dignity, I probably would have been rolling on the floor in fits of full-blown laughter. Instead, I was reduced to uncontrollable fits of snickering, and I was just barely able to keep myself upright with the help of a wall for support. A wheezy giggle escaped me when Layla bolted away from Skri, not looking suspicious at all with her C grade poker face as she frantically strode back to me. "I can't believe that worked." she said, giggling nervously despite herself. "I know, right? Here," I fished a fat sum of widgets and put them in her hands. "You earned it. Now go, I'll take care of things from here. No need to be seen with me anymore." I said, winking her goodbye. She didn't seem to know how to reply, like whether she should thank me or tell me to be careful, though after fumbling her words for a few seconds, she shut up and got this decisive look in her eye. "My name's Hoyun, by the way." And with a wink, she was gone. I smiled. "Bye, Layla." I mumbled, waving to no one in particular. With her gone, I slowly made my way back to the table, creeping up from behind Skri to get a better look at the game. "It's close to three." I replied, bringing up my wrist. "You should probably wrap up after the next hand. I'm gonna go grab my stuff and meet you outside by the doors, that cool?"

IC: Alfon I wondered how drunk Skri was by this point, which reminded of this really weird kid I used to know back in the circus. Little man used to go around licking people's elbows behind their backs, and no one noticed for a while 'cause apparently the skin there's not sensitive enough to really feel it. Anyway, that got me thinking; didn't alcohol decrease a person's sense of touch? Hmm. "Layla?" I said, pulling her away from the table. "Yeah?" "That girl I just served? I'll give you eighty widgets if you lick her elbow, right here, right now. A hundred if she doesn't notice." "What?" "One fifty." "Uh-" "Two hundred." "...why-" "For f- four hundred! Take it or leave it!" I said, keeping my voice down to a harsh whisper. Layla looked at me like I was crazy, then at Skri with a gleam in her eyes that told me she was seriously considering taking the money, indicating to me that I had to sell my case. "Look, she's my friend. If she catches you, I'll step in and explain, alright? She'll understand. I'll keep an eye out for any coworkers or supervisors too, okay? Trust me, it'll be fine." For a few seconds worth of hesitation, Layla continued to look back and forth between me and Skri's soft, tender elbow. Finally, she turned around, and I could barely suppress the grin on my face as I watched her slink her way towards Ski's back with all the stealth of someone sneaking up on a hot chick's unsuspecting elbow so they could lick it. Lick. "pffffffffffffhahahahaha."

IC: Alfon "See that, Layla?" "See what? You drinking on the job?" "Whoa, someone's feeling salty today. Here, have some. It'll take off the edge." "Wha- no! Stop! You're going to get us fired!" "I'm gonna get you fired, you mean." "##### off!" "I knooooow you want some. C'mon, it's peach schnapps!" I held out the glass insistently. "I swear to god." "Y'know you could just walk away, right?" "What?" "Nothing, nothing!" I shrugged, downing the glass and setting it on the cart. "For someone who wants to stay undercover, you're doing a pretty ###### job at it." She rolled her eyes. "Now what did you want to show me?" "And you're not very smart, are you?" "Hey!" "Huh? Oh right!" I nodded towards Skri. "See that? That's they key to success in blackjack." "...I don't follow." she said, sounding exasperated. "Just watch." Grandma numero uno raised her hand. The dealer dealt her. "Another one." Numero uno raised her hand again. The dealer dealt her, and that was the end of that. Hit me, numero dos said. "Another one." Sure enough, she called for another card. Skri's turn came up next. "'Nother one of these." Layla looked at me, confused. "...another one?" I nodded sagely. Another one.

IC: Rungui "Sounds petty, if you ask me." Rungui said, calmly sipping his coffee. "Don't discredit yourself just because you're not living up to family expectations. You signed up for a good cause that's bigger than just you and them, and they need to understand that."

IC: Rungui "So if you're not killed in action, it's death by breakfast?"

IC: Rungui "So what, you stole her ice cream and now you're a dead man?"

IC: Rungui "Eggs, Dalrin. She put eggs in your breakfast."

IC: Alfon "Layla, why the #### were you clapping?" I whispered, crouching down to level her gaze. "You can't do that ####! You'll blow my cover!" "And you're not allowed undersell our drinks! And my name's not Layla!" "First off, Layla, I'm not really allowed to do any of this," I gestured to myself and the cart. "but hey, not my fault you got bribed into letting me do your job. Second, she tipped me, so it rounds out! Look..." Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis, siete, ocho, nueve...nueve... nueve... ... "Ayo, Scrooge," I muttered, leaning into Skri's ear. "You suck." Pulling back, I fished a widget out of my pocket and grudgingly tipped myself, closing the bill.

IC: Alfon "You got it." Without further ado, I snatched a rocks glass from the cart's bottom shelf, flinging it into the air for two quick rotations before catching it and setting it down on the top shelf. The near-empty bottle of bourbon came next, which I tossed from under my back with the ease of a pro, having it sail over my shoulder only to stall it with a bump of the arm that sent it spinning upwards and back down into my hand. I hadn't even finished pouring when Layla, of all people, started clapping. "Your drink, miss." I said, smiling modestly as I handed Skri her bourbon. "That'll be, uuuh...um..." Hmm. I looked at Layla. "How much is a double worth?" I whispered. "Ten widgets." she replied, somehow giddier than the two plastered grandmas. "Riiiiight." I spun back to face Skri. "Nine widgets, please."

IC: Alfon "Yeah yeah, just don't make me carry you fallen-comrade style on the way out." I said, breaking away from the table in search of booze. In my experience at casinos, there's usually these little ladies and portly gents that roll up to tables with swanky liquor carts, so that's exactly what I was looking for: someone who hated their job and the people they were serving. A few minutes later, I was the one rolling up to the table with one of them swanky liquor carts and swanky uniforms, the employee behind me looking like she'd just agreed to a bad idea. "Alright ladies, we got bourbon, vodka, beer, wine, apple juice, sparkling wate-" "Sir, could you please hurry u-" "Hey hey hey, we had a deal, Layla. What am I paying you for?" "My name's not-" "Yeah yeah, I know, just keep quiet and stay on the lookout." "...alright." With a satisfactory smile, I turned back to Skri. "So, would you like a drink, miss?"

Looks interesting, and I think there's some good potential here. With that said, there are a few things I want to discuss to help you think things over and improve the overall state of the game. If I sound harsh and/or snobby, I apologize. I just want what's best for the game Introduction You already mentioned that you're working on an intro paragraph, so there's not much to review here. I expect it'll set the tone you have in mind for the game, giving us a good feel of what's going on in the city and why. A brief resume of the war's history wouldn't hurt, especially for those of us that are unfamiliar with it, and it'd be nice to know why we're fighting and what started all the hostilities. For example, why are the Po-Matoran fighting the Ta-Matoran, the Onu fighting the Le, and Ga against Ko? (Side note, isn't Ga neutral and Ko isolated?) Of course, not everything has to be explained since this is just a taste of what's to come; you're definitely going to want to reveal some things in an IC manner. As for the 'Your Role' section, it checks off but could use a little work. It's basically a tl;dr, so it should reflect the intro paragraph without all the fancy narrative. The only glaring problem I see is that it assumes we know as much about the Civil War as you do, so the details are a little barebones. I don't expect an information dump, just a brief summary to keep the players in the know, y'know? The tips I gave above could help flesh it out a bit. Otherwise, looks good. Locations Again, the only real problem here is that you assume we're all familiar with Metru-Nui. We probably all are, but it'd be a very good idea to describe the Metrus a little further so we can paint an image of what they look like in our heads. What sets them apart? What's their geography like? Their architecture? What purpose do they serve? Is there anything that makes them special? Any significant locations? From what I've read, there's too little information for me to form a solid answer and make a super clear distinction between all the Metrus. Here, the locations should come to life and the only way to do that lies in the details. Take Ga-Metru for instance. I know it's a beautiful city, a sort of high-tech Venice if you will, with polished buildings and structures that shine against the complex bodies of water they're built upon, mesmerizing waterfalls, marine wildlife, prestigious schools and so on. Unfortunately, I'm not getting any of that here. Instead, I'm mostly getting a rundown of what's happening inside the Metru and with their leaders. Don't get me wrong, this is great, and I strongly encourage you to keep this information in the descriptions. It makes the locations feel alive, giving us some feel for what they're like. However, it's not enough on its own. NPC System Cool. Cool cool cool. Legacy System Yaaaaaaay, promotions! I'm going to assume this is kind of like a reward system for exceptional roleplay and achievements. Profiles Pretty straightforward, but just a few questions. Species: are Matoran the only playable race? Do we have access to other elements such as sound, gravity, plasma, etc.?Loyalty: No Ko-Metru? I get it that they're kinda shady and have some secrets you'll want to divulge later on, but I don't think that's good enough a reason to block off an entire alliance. Couldn't we be affiliated but just kept in the dark of what's really going on and adapt?Weapons/Tools: simple enough, though what's restricted? What kind of tech are we limited to? I'd hate to run into a dude with a kanoka disk that messes my guy up real bad to the point where his arm's on his forehead and his mouth on his foot Stuff? Uuuuuuuuuuuuuh...are Vahki around? Otherwise, yeah, I think that's it for me. Maybe. Like I said, its got potential but if you're gonna shave off that excess fat, why don't you add a little meat to those bones while you're at it? You've got your core, now you just need some muscle. In the end, I hope this helped and I wish you luck with the game

IC: Volin If it wasn't obvious enough by the blank stare and the way I slowly titled my head towards everyone else, I didn't know who this person was. "...who are you again?"

OOC: Rahkshi Hunters from Po. IC: Volin No, I'm not up to describing our ride to Ta either. All I'm gonna say is that we made it. Someone else can handle the details. OOC: Silv, your queue

OOC: Moving this thing along (per request) 'cause we've been here forever IC: Volin Y'know, I'm not really up to describing my morning, so I'll make it nice and short for you. We woke up, ate, walked to the docks, boarded the ship, paid the captain, and sailed to Ta-Koro. Oh, and someone probably threw up somewhere in that chain of events. Whoo. OOC: Rahkshi Hunters to Ta-Koro

IC: Volin "Uh no." I said rather suddenly. Before guitar girl could get her grubby little fingers on the widgets and 'have fun' (for god's sake Arvas), they magically shot through the air and into my palm, only to magically disappear as I shoved them in my pocket. Woooooooooow. Volin's being a ##### again! "Listen," I started exasperatedly, trying but failing to keep the irritation out of my voice. I mean, how did this girl expect to buy beer or rent a room if she didn't even have any money? "If you're gonna hand out charity to the broke girl, give it here. I'll make sure it actually goes toward her fare and not a wild night of beer and throw-up."

IC: Alfon "Aw thanks, Skri. That's like, mediocre praise coming from you."

IC: Alfon "An opportunist has no regrets."

IC: Rungui "I encourage you to participate. We provide throwup bags, if necessary."

IC: Volin "Probably not," I shrugged, being none the wiser. "but it'll do. C'mon, let's go inside." Pushing the door open, I made a face when I caught a whiff of stale beer and what could've been mould. The place looked worse for wear on the inside than it did on the outside, which was saying something, and I could already pick out the drunks and troublemakers by the bar. Poor consolation or not, at least it was cheap. "Make sure your wallet and your dignity are intact by the end of the night. Gonna need fifty widgets each and all of you in walking condition for the ride tomorrow morning, alright?"

^ Please make this a thing

IC: Rungui "You're welcome to attend my next surgery tomorrow morning."

IC: Alfon "Hey c'mon now, don't you go ruining my mojo like that. No one's gonna bite the dust, alright?" I said, lightly punching her in the shoulder. "Trust me, we've got your back." I smiled reassuringly, then shrugged. No need to get any sappier than that. "Anyway, poker's my game but I'm feeling blackjack right now, sooooo...." Slowly, I spun on my heel, spying for tables through one eye, finger gun loaded and ready to fire. No...no...n- Oh!- Naaaah... ... ... ...! Bang. "That one. The one with the two drunk grandmas."

IC: Alfon My powers of persuasion grow... "I don't really see how losing two hundred widgets could be considered a win, but hey, I'm just the sleazy freeloader. You'll get no argument from me." I said, holding my hands up in mock defence. "Now then, let's get this trainwreck rolling, shall we?"