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Mushy the Mushroom

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Blog Entries posted by Mushy the Mushroom

  4. Mushy the Mushroom
    Buy your daughter LEGO, and she may (try to) rebuild your home one day?
    My grandfather rebuilt it first. Enormous gratitude to the family friends who we owe our lives to! And countless other helpers!
    Home is also not 100% done and I have zero perspective on what it looks like to others!
    It's been an insane one year process here. Former animal hoarder home.

    **Cannot continue chronicling without content warning.**
    Links contain descriptions and pictures of unsafe living conditions for all life forms (aside from vermin, perhaps), slight discussion of suffering/poor treatment of both humans and animals, a plethora of questionable building tactics brought on by necessity, collective incoherence of a chronically ill, no skill carpenter, and plenty of projects not recommended to try at home.
    I have no idea if I’m allowed to post this here, or anywhere online, honestly. We lived it and cleaned it, but certainly did not approve of the unfortunate and peculiar occurrences. Extreme apologies if not allowed!
     
    Doc/Story link:
    A Hundred-Year Old House of Horror…? 
     
     
     
    (Links have more photos of after, before & during renovations.)
    Porch

     
    Foyer, Stairs & Hall.

     
    Living & Sun Room

     
    Office

     
    Hall Bath

     
    The Big Bedroom

     
    Basement

     
    Kicthen & Dining

     
    Laundry Room

     
    Upstairs Foyer & Closet

     
    The Royal Retreat

     
    The MushRoom

     
    The Sam Suite

     
    Outside

    ♫Through the dark, through the door
    Through where no one's been before
    But it feels like home
     
    There's a house we can build
    Every room inside is filled
    With things from far away 
     
    They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy 
    They can say, they can say I've lost my mind 
    I don't care, I don't care, so call me crazy 
    We can live in a world that we design♫

  5. Mushy the Mushroom
    OoOoh, sweet September salutations! Fantastic Fall to all! 
    Where to start? Is it being to real to reveal that I’m blogging from the floor? It basically became the disabled diaries here somewhere.apologies to all if I’m too real/honest and for my punctually pitiful proofreading. 

    Oh well, of current creativity I come to tell! 
    “You are literally Buddy the Elf” 
    ~my mom’s reaction to what I do while she’s at work.
     
    Watermelon! From when my mom had to pay for tree removal due to their closeness to the home. I asked for the slice of tree, she kindly hauled  it to the basement for me. Leftover house paints and mixes, leather jacket seeds. Now all-season shelf porch decor. Melons are Luna & Shasta attractant, apparently. 

    Do you truly love your brother unless you visually yell at him (translation: excessively photo spam) him at all hours about your shenanigans?
     
     
    My slightly sloppy hanging of my Tangled +Baby Yoda 2021 dress, done for the upstairs hall wall. Clothes gently embroidery thread tied to base. From the leftover plastic from the display-dustoff covering my wings recently. White base is an old fleece throw, coversewn in an extra sheet, hung with mini-nails.
     *the only context in which I shall get my nails done* 

     
     While bad blood pressure bumbling about I made some fall decor starting September 1st! *Vince guraldi trio jazz echoing about* inspired by me actually being forced to leave the home (doctor visits, hotel stay overnight, thus frolicking in Target and hugging every weighted plushy I could see with glee) and seeing fall stuff. Fall frolic frenzy for my mom who never had any decorations before! So many things she’s never had, like adequate house things, being unable to access the family bank account prior due to oppression. Onto a new era, where she is the queen! Still somewhat in the zone of making stuff for the home as this one was Full of Nothing. Especially exciting because my mom adores fall and Thanksgiving the most. She mourned the overlooked holiday, last year was tough, and twas time for a change! Have to chase those sunny spots of life, the sweetness through the spice! 

    I have come to realize I’ve made our home look like a children’s library! Or an elementary school?. Do they look like this? UNC children’s hospital-school did decorate beautifully and I loved it. School there was great, 2 hours of Real work. And more often the more exciting options of: “a storyteller is here”, or  “a bird man has brought you all owl pellets and has an owl with him” or “an elusive, actually employed marine biologist has brought live sea creatures to pet” or “a traveler has brought a giant circle of African drums ready to be played” or “art teacher invites all to draw a cartoon turkey” or “headband making event on floor 6!” “want to go check out the library on the 7th floor?” These amazing souls made my hospital-hostage situation unbelievably happy 🧡For the record, they let me keep my owl pellet bones  (Sorry, nurse Danielle, if you’re out there..for you having to touch them..) and they are in our Lindt truffle Christmas ornament to this day. Leetle mouse skeletons. In a plastic bag though, I’m not a barbarian. 
     
    Little frying pans for the alien children (mom bought measuring cups, they look too much like cast iron not to borrow for photos!) Aunt J’s hand me down blanket, little beanie baby ferret, pillow swaddled in aunt X’s orange scarf gift. 
    I save all the greeting cards for recycling, this wreath was on one and laminated + little leaves. Masks saved and laminated from last year’s Amazon toy catalog. Must keep my Children clothes in trash, of course.  

    Pumpkins posted prior by the wood stove.  
    Extra carpet tiles from N&W/renovating saved for a fall rug color pop.


     
    I was last monthish years old when I realized the point of pillow covers we so they could be seasonally switched out. I had NO IDEA! 
    Pillow covers made from pumpkin colored jersey sheet & matching Macra lace swatches. Now my mom can match the pillows when wearing the recent macaroni-necklace-quality dress as all normal humans aspire to. Buttons from grandmother’s old shirt. 
    Pillowcase and Aunt X’s gift scarf strewn over furniture shoulders for color!


     
    Laminated leaves! Library vibes! Did not have a plan as usual and happy happened. Mid falling asleep I had an epiphany (to me): Cut up the vanilla (translation: Manila) envelopes into print paper dimensions and print monochrome maple leaf outlines on them! MS paint to the rescue. Worked happily, I added leaf veins on the backs with a sharpie. Then I found wrinkly orange tissue and got to chopping some from that, each with one simple center thread noodle. Cut, cooked & cut. 


     
    The plumbing supply barnfind pumpkin from last year, & lil handmade leather returns. 
    Wreath gold chain add-in because ideas were not flowing. 
     


    Smol doll made by a wee-me as a stocking stuffer for my mom. Redressed in clothes made for my Lammily doll long ago. The company that stole my photos of my kid-created doll fashions I posted from my mom’s account (I often disclosed this because people kept trying to buy my creations), in a fan-made handmade Lammily FB group. And used the photos in ads on their foreign distributors’ doll buying sites. I accidentally discovered this myself by going on their worldwide distributor’s site to see if new releases were up in other countries first. I was shocked to find my doll photos & fashions all across them, along with a few other members’ and Etsy sellers. I, confused and crying, publicly exposed this on the group. Then the Lammily designer himself, his family members, and his PR/salesperson all joined the group suddenly and began posting. Fans were furious. I, an oblivious kid creator, busted the crowdfunded Lammily company by chance. For stealing children’s doll photos. My awesome brother wrote a cease and desist letter and we sent it. The stealing stopped and the photos were removed. The creator and their gang still stalk that group to this day. This kind of ruined the doll I’d once loved for me (I even rerooted my 2 dolls’ hair with Saran doll hair, one tiny strand at a time. The original hair was so poor quality and became a frizzball), but I had dreamy design times with her over many insomnia-sick nights, and learned from experience why people use watermarks on their photos! Maybe one day I’ll drag out some of those miniature project pictures/or retake and post here. This was how I first got into leather shoemaking, just 1/6th scale. Then Alpha-gal allergy hit months later and we had to pack up all my leatherstuff. 

     
    Had a scrappy carpet tile, turned into a twisty stick tub with pumpkin beady tuft thing. 
    Because that’s what you do in Fall. You home-alone wheelchair down by the creek, hand yank fine vines off a shrubbery, get your wheels mighty stuck in a hole, and ultimately end up unsteadily staggering back up the hill pushing the sticks in your chairseat-like you are simply a forestfairy godmother taking them on their sunny midmorning stroll. 🧡

     
    Hummel shelf got a little late-year love. Impromptu invented some laminated hangings from an ad for plates in the pie-covered magazine, Vanilla envelopes + back mosaics from a greeting card I couldn’t part from. 
    First attempt at wreath (base) weaving from trees/branches. 
    Yew tree cones, wirebound feathers saved from when we had to wing-clip our Golden Comet hens (neighbor was not a hen-friend) to immobilize them. 

    Cannot believe these wreaths are free from trees! Thanks to my mom wheeling me out and chopping stuff down for me before I  hysterically had to flee from this one wicked hornet-bee. Why were these creatures given extra legs, stingers, AND wings? Terribly unfair. She cut down so much and I nearly collapsed in my chair out there trying to make bunches of wreath bases for all upcoming holidays, not wanting the dear trees to go to waste. She promised there will be others, but is this true outside of summer? 
     I got this far before wilting entirely. It’s hopelessly 1000mph enthusiasm at any project I’m into.

     
    Acorns & Kaya. Thankful for all the tiny pinecones about the acres here! 
     

    Oh! The sunflower wreaths! Van Gogh vibes! I got hopelessly unplanned obsessed with Fall-ing things for my mom and this happened.
    Quick crochet with a chubby hook.9 petaled and 9 per wreath. Soaked in Elmer’s and wood glue diluted and dried to stiffen (after turning my fingernails yellow using the last bottle bits of experimental Wood Hardener on them without gloves. I was out of glue, in the basement floor and too tired to care about caution. It worked well but I ran out of it!)  Twist tie attached . Base is a ring cut from extra carpet tiles that I wrapped in ½-⅝”  strips of shower curtain fabric. Barnyarn hung.


     

    (Random honeywand made for a doll's bee costume long ago).
    *You Are My Sunshine song on repeat for effect* 


     

    Oh! And a little photo size sketch of my bro in Octo’ 1999 for my mom, also. 5.5hrs while in sick stupor, on a clipboard, in a car. Anxious to get obsessed with drawing again, I cannot be a bit balanced! A billion beautiful things to do!

    Autumn arbor from cake holder box cardboard circles and covering in PUL fabric, cork from my shoemaking stash, flooring scraps,+superglue on grandmother’s sparkle stash. And glitter paint. For the kitchen, to correlate with some other orangish round decor I’ll show below…
     

     
    The orange slices were a glad-ccident. I packed (for my mom to eat) oranges for the doctor stay-trip recently and they were too old and squishy. I planned to dry them in the oven for decor, but the others were surprisingly not rotten. But the want of seasonal ceiling citrus stayed, and I had more vanilla envelopes, couldn’t say nope! The juicy bits brightened with orange highlighter.
     Printed from monochrome clip art as printing the orange ink ones on yellow paper gave me lime slices. Saving those surprises for spring/summer!



    Tied to crochet chains created with my mom’s megahook. Citrus garland was a tad thin, made a Macra lace & sheet scrap garland to thicken. 
     
    Corner shelf stolen from closet upstairs, free from the HUD home. Sturdy succulent stand! Oh, but I’ve not yet told of that, must scroll to get to that.  Sorry for discombobulated me! 

    Cut carpet tiles into centerpiece. 


     
    Shabby lil fresh woven wreath because too tired to try harder.

     
    I tend to take out the legs of the dining set with my wheelchair. Awful to make mom’s new homey look shabby! Daring to destroy my spring chalk paintjob. It occurred to me that I should knit bulky bumpers for them! Chunky chair cozies/ leg warmers/sockies. Covered in plastic sheeting fabric scraps, cut from comforter & curtain clear plastic bags (for durability from my wheels & maybe messy meals?). Fresh on the furniture feet, finished from last Friday night to this recent Friday at 4 am! 

     
    It also occurred to me that the carpet tile placemats I made prior work better as seat soft spots/pseudocushions.

     
    Good as a goose, if ever not in-use!

    Extra carpet tiles = me ecstatically  “making” tons of faux rugs everywhere I go:

    A brain backburner idea from last year was carried out thanks to twenty minutes in Target.
    Sculpted smol succulent children for my mom! A due-to-my-dad deprived plantperson. That white pot is my mom’s mortar and pestle base with the rubber bit removed, but she doesn’t mind!

    The baby baskets were born before though!  Saw a Pinterest paper cup weave, had a plastic one from the hotel trip and tried it with this plastic barn yarn. Then doing that caused me to instinctively figure out how to weave it from scratch, so the tube-oval two are not cheat weaves.

     
    Made from Oogoo! Have you heard of it? I did when doing DIYs from Tree Change Dolls long ago. 
    It’s poor people’s Sugru/sculptable rubbery clay. The recipe I use is equal parts cornstarch and interior caulk. I made it a few times prior to the onslaught of my extreme allergy restrictions. You can add acrylic paints if you want colors. It’s amazing stuff! Has anyone made LEGO/Bionicle parts from this? 
    I just mixed up a white batch in a lidded cottage cheese container, shaped, dried, brush painted with wall + acrylic craft paint mix, and sprayed them with art fixatif spray as I had that. 
    For the dirt, I wrapped a medium rock with white PUL fabric and placed it inside for weight, then covered with brown jacket scraps. Stuck on the wrapped rock top with caulk. Similar process for this mortar and pestle turned planter. Dirt is web sewn on the underside onto the felt filled rock PUL piece. Succulents secured to the dirt with a dab of caulk. 

    *Mom being scared to open it saying “it looks too special!”*
    *Me who knows the wrapping is from coffee filters, paint color chips, and a sleepytime tea box quote*

    I’ve recently realized I’m basically a cat. I like leaving gifts for my humans and vanishing, don’t say much/am skittish, nearly nocturnal, fall asleep in the sun, like climbing and sitting in/on things I shouldn't, and am floppy/hypermobile. But I don't have fine cat hair, mine is the crunchy texture of curls. 
    The trio stays in the window, the big one on the corner shelf by itself. 

     
    Mild Autumn attack on my mom’s room. Just flipped the bedding to red side & swirled out some scarves. Sheets were a forgotten gift from Aunt J. last year.
    .
    Added one of the sticky wreaths on the mirror with quick chain crochet colors. This messy make from millions of moons ago, paint by number canvas that I enjoyed ignoring in the utmost. 
    Mom’s Brownie bear is finally the rightful owner of a long ago hospital knit plush sweater.
     
     
    Mom’s childhood doll’s green-trimmed and sleeved dress tucked & poofed into a pumpkin, twisted Cinderella style? Her face stains are from when her prisoner brother Sharpie X’s over her eyes. Ink removal we should retry.
     
    And that finished a funtastic full fall haul from September 2nd to 22nd. I am happily physically shattered!
    Unbelievable Autumn has come! Our first one settled here! I love the leaves, our old house had only sad pine needles-painful piles to play in and full of ticks. It’s the greatest existence I’ve known here with dear Mom. Wish she’d gotten her own place years ago, haha. So peaceful, no shouting, stress or scary-loud television. Cannot wait for bro to visit again, we hadn’t even finished the hall bathroom when he came at Christmas. Now ”Ta-da! List”ing  what decor I should make at Christmas. Planning the color scheme and theme already. 
    Cinderella aesthetic, chores + clothing little house friends…if I can call a soap dispenser my friend. Flooring scraps and leather thread, at least the poor thing is not naked!
    Culinary crafts!
    Spice crumb cake in my misfit sized cake pan stack. Chocolate chip coconut oil muffs with walnut & choc on top. Spice and sweet potato sweet  squares, walnut chocolate pastry pods + brekkie granola rounds. 

    Cheddar cheese petite pizzas, I was thrilled to figure out they fit in coffee cans for freezer storage. Olives feel luxurious.
    The mysterious ways of mayonnaise. 
    It PROTECT, it expires at precisely 10:04 am. 
    Plus the poor broccoli baby missed in a morning rush. 

    Light and fluffy butter loaves (actually oil because $) that were altered from a Texas Riaddhouse roll recipe and this a bit stubby. Horizontal slicing to the rescue & flash frozen on trays as always. Grateful to have grabbed our four lovely loaf pans when we left. Oven Naan breads, a fan of the King’s (KAF brand) recipes I am! 

    Onto the +3 abandoned alternate art endeavors! One sewing, one drawing, one painting. Amazing how little I am accomplishing at the moment, haha. Impromptu organizing has been happening lately, in the office and kitchen. Inspirational at 5 AM when I can’t find my Thing, that Thing. Or my mom’s Thing. We probably totally crammed & chucked stuff in after moving. Finally feeling like a proper place to live.❤️
    Love and leaves to all this Fall.  May your Autumn be awesome 🧡

    “Your life is an occasion. Rise to it.” ~Suzanne Weyn
     
    Basically I’m low on Real art to show right now, fell for Fall, + since late July it’s been a daily battle because of hydrating and actually eating some glorious food, and trying to figure out what on earth to eat. 
    (Spamblings below about my medical and parent stuff  that I am not sure how to use a spoiler tag for: 
    (Kind of outdated content because I am the snail.)
    Some of these *holds back hysterical happy screams* magnificent daily meals of 500-600 calories I’ve had the unspeakable joy of ingesting. Mostly protein (severely low BUN on labs), bullion, salty sauces (and small amounts of the miracle of Mayo, cheese & ketchup) , and beloved vegetables.

     It stays in my body for 0.5-3 hours. I assume some of it must be absorbing, at least every gram of glucose spikes in my blood. An apple throws me over 250 at the two hour post-first-bite prick. The persisting hyperglycemia coupled with the rapid rejection and fluid floss are a true medical freak.  three years since eating adequately/more than a meal of daily broth and (celiac testing) bread,  or post stroke few bites of starchy stuff + severe dehydration. I now cry from gratitude while savoring such treats, then cry from pain trying not to blackout on the bath floor for the next few hours. This trade off/post ingestion punishment has absolutely improved my quality of life. I’m old and want to eat. If I were even given the choice of “last meal or continue living with feeding tube/TPN” you all are invited to the feast. There will be pizza, hummus, salmon, ice cream, cookies and watermelon. 
     
    The post drinking and eating reactions are much worse-for gory details of what that means: 0.5-2 hrs post ingestion = 15-30 (EDIT: now it’s typically 30-60) urgent GI episodes over the next 2-4 hours with low blood pressure, LUQ stabbing, face flushing, some throat constriction, tachycardia & hyperglycemia. Massive lower extremity edema. Samples tested, confirmed nonInfectious GI reactions as I already knew. Just the result of food and water. Leaving the bathroom is too risky, better to bring a floor pillow and try not to pass out. Thankfully with symptoms so severe I cannot be dismissed by doctors-they now keep telling me go to the ER for IV fluids. It’s exhausting to go to the ER with 3-4 diseases to only leave with needle wounds, and “I have no idea how to help, we are sorry, follow with your specialists and PCP” from frightened looking doctors, though. I don’t know if they’d do any useful tests/imaging. It’s been years since scans. 
    Thus, I  am surviving with concentrated lemon juice + Himalayan salt in Gatorade zero, coffee, and eating spoons of straight yellow mustard all day to replenish my electrolytes and bring up my dangerously low blood pressure. I’m drinking over 250oz water some days because of losing massive fluid amounts. I think I’m sleeping like 3 hrs a night, often?  My electrolytes were perfect at the last PCP visit a week ago leaving my doctor absolutely impressed (because she told me to go to the hospital that day,  but knowing I was okay, I didn’t). So apparently “bio-hacking” by ear is working. The basic blood panels did shockingly show useful info-I have idiopathic neutropenia and my BUN/protein is unsurprisingly severely low. Eggs, cottage cheese, Chicken-all so good, oh my gosh. It’s been years since I’ve eaten anything besides bread or broth. Eating so many beautiful vegetables, broths and some dairy, Mayo and proteins, I cannot wait to eat starches and fruits soon. They send me into hyperglycemia coma mode currently-even tiny amounts. I’m up to one ~600 calorie meal a day, I feel rich because it has been 3 years since eating this much (Metabolic m e s s. I, the inexplicably self-sustaining life form, haven't lost any more weight, in spite of my body rejecting everything ingested within 0.5-4 hours, so that’s a win, at least? Guessing the hyperglycemia has a role in this.). Totally worth the next three hours on the bathroom floor, haha. Finally getting some IG posts up thanks to this. I’m amazed at the skilled humans who can eat/drink (like multiple times in one day!) and function afterwards, please teach me your ways! 
     
    I don’t recommend this at all. DIY glucose tolerance testing. Overnight no drinking or eating, then a breakfast of 17.3 Twizzlerschoked down (while timed) in 5 minutes (updated number from Sci papers given 2023 nutritional content/this size). 

    I’m shocked by the blandness of the candy, was mildly improved with salt. Then glucose, BP & pulse recorded every hour for three hours. My PCP couldn’t order an oral glucose tolerance test. So I went PubMed and Mayo clinic vigilante (   https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3781564/ https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/glucose-tolerance-test/about/pac-20394296 ), conducted my own test and documented photo results/reactions in graphic detail. Test included losing consciousness on the bath floor with Gi epsiodes and sleeping almost entirely for two days. But yes! I was correct and my pancreas is pitiful. Doctor was so shocked by this she ordered a simultaneous office lab draw with my home monitor to calibrate/make sure my readings were real. They were 3pts off-highly accurate. So now recording the wacky high blood sugars I’m having in spite of barely eating & not even even any direct grainy/starch based carbs.
     
    I (& my mom when available) am taking my vitals and blood sugars through the day (at least 3x) , recording my daily intake of food and fluid and all the 10-30 daily medical episodes and symptoms. Then my mom types it into a Google doc. The point of this is so doctors can grasp how I’m actually living when sent links via the medical mychart messaging. I think I’d be horrified by it if it weren’t me in this body. Some things seem harder to watch than to live yourself. My mom is the best and I feel so bad about her dealing with all of it. Not  just seeing it-all the caregiving, bills and travel stress. Ex dad got away with zero financial help for her or me-dumping all the future + old medical bills he refused to pay on my mom. The legal things were settled mostly in February. Never in my life have I longed to walk out in traffic like this. No one else in my life had made me feel so utterly worthless. My stomach turns thinking about how no one gets away with anything, and the weight of what waits for some.  Guilt over the air I breathed. So my care/chronic sickness wouldn’t be even more of a burden to my poor mom any longer.. But thank goodness with every brain break and bad idea we by belief rise stronger.I am begging her to let my medical record bills go to collections, I have nothing of my own + disabling genetic incurable condition(s), so chances of future me ever being an Actual Adult and needing this “credit” thing are zero. [🎵my new (Taylor Swift) pseudo song is “I am never, ever, ever,  going to be better!”..because if I can’t beat it, I’ll dance to the beat of it ✨🎵] Applying for SSI takes an eternity, even with a free-till-won disability lawyer. A lot of this is the fact that I’ve been disabled/chronically ill since a child + homeschooled, and never been able to live like others. Their “residual job functioning capacity” questions and tests are completely irrelevant,  as I never have been able to fully function. I hope for Medicare/Medicaid approval. Exdad drops my insurance next year, and my mom, the full time tool cashier, cannot afford it. She’s calling the local ERs for financial aid applications. Duke keeps renewing my charity care/ full financial aid, though! Incredibly grateful. I don’t know how any of the grown up stuff works. If I  have no money and never have, am incurably diseased, disabled, and soon to be uninsured, where do they expect to get paid from? I know the ER cannot refuse to treat anyone, even the homeless, thankfully. I have no idea why my mom is trying to pay them, they only grow.  Exdad took the medical savings card access, too. His lawyer was so crooked and hers didn’t care. They tried to steal my mom’s inheritance. She barely got her inheritance childhood home, the abandoned puppy mill we were forced to flee to, then rebuild (but now SO love ❤️), leaving their marital home and life behind with him.  He is trying to cause problems by not signing the divorce papers, so the restraining order may be renewed. He cannot stop the divorce, court can force it. It’s about him trying to keep his small retirement savings. He also didn’t sign the paperwork on the one old car my mom got, then canceled the insurance on it (this is the only car my mom got out of the total old 4 family cars-and this was her mom’s 19 year old mom inheritance car. And she was driving me to Duke hospital regularly in this) intentionally sabotaging us. Making it illegal to drive that car, as  my mom couldn’t legally pay for insurance on a car not signed over to her. This was all happening late July as we were daily evaluating whether I should go to the ER. But driving there would be illegal-my mom had to short-drive to work with legal paperwork and hope not to get pulled over. She ultimately had to take the small sum she barely got from the divorce split up and buy a new used car, as she could buy insurance for it. We are terribly grateful, she loves it, and it’s so nice for the wheelchair, but wow. My mom is wise and would never ordinarily make such a purchase without being cautious. I shudder at the future of some evil individuals. Thank goodness we no longer live with such darkness. I have the noblest mom ever. Being safe and free makes up for possible poverty. Nothing in life is better than to be with companions worthy.  Everything is far better than last year! It's only the uncertainty medically with me, along with the possibility of her adopted criminal creep brother being released from prison soon-we don’t know if he gets 4+ more years. He is not welcome here, nor may he drain my mom. 
     She deserved so much better, and I trust the tide’s truly turning. I wish I could fix it all for her.  But I can’t…so instead I’ll try to do the chores + cook for her between collapsing, and decorate inside these walls with the spirit of Fall! (Wheelchair power!!!) Creations can cheer countless clouds away.
    ❤️
    Doctor visits were awesome last time given the battle royale removal of my medical-kidnapping-misdiagnosis! So weird to be treated like a human being with value instead of a worthless little worm. For some reason my PCP (who had blindly gone along with the sketchy GI doctor and fully blamed me) now seems to respect me since I explained/proved it and almost fired her too, haha. So strange not to be a scapegoat. I’m baffled for being believed and am almost crying with relief. Rheumatology successfully got me back to my endocrinologist for Carcinoid syndrome/NET. This time around I don’t have to consider falsely telling them I want to change genders just to get an appointment- three years ago I was desperately sick and considering this strategy. I instead got in due to my systemic nonstature stunting/being a human horseshoe crab. That appointment is at the end of March 2024. Three years since she hastily “doctor punted” my complex case to GI & rheumatology while I was telling her that did not explain my endocrine symptoms. I’m also on a new Duke GI doctor waitlist for a January 2024 appointment. Still nobody has/can reread my crimped artery abdominal ultrasound. The plan is to contact PCP if my fasting blood sugars get above a certain number consistently (they are almost there). I, at the time of writing this, have a test for POTS soon where I will be tied to a tilt table with the “different provoking measures we may use during the test- deep breathing, blowing into a tube, hand in ice water, and nitroglycerin.” 
    *googles nitroglycerin*….😎🍿)
     
    So that’s life lately! I am constantly shocked at the adaptability of the human body! Grateful beyond belief. 
    My cup is not half empty, nor half full, for I find it overflos. 
     
    Random wildlife visits! The crow knocking on the window woke me up!

     
    And I went to grab the the web-stuck butterfly for decor but the poor thing wasn’t dead, flew away instead!

    Resident falcon visits a good bit.
     And when new carpenter Uncle Dave surprises you while you were gone on a doctor daytrip and patches your crumby pillars + leaves gifts of homegrown tomatoes at your door!
     Little metal cross created by my mom’s customer and generously chucked at her, now cherished in  paperclip holder.
     
  9. Mushy the Mushroom
    T-Rex Train Video
    My dad has proven not to be steadfast around balloons again
    They have the peculiar habit of swooning him
    Understandably, however
    What a guilty pleasure
    ...a T-Rex as light as a feather!
    (Dad’s antique toy train, balloons attached with dental floss, a snapped dowel, a giant zip tie and tape. Metal insulation tape track toothpicked down, fishing line to drag him across the ground.)
    And the BTS mess:
    Dino Derailment Video
    Had to make a little, quick,  thank you card from some foamies.

    Presently not much to blog, WIPs going on and haven't gotten around to scanning some artstuffs. It’s August, which means the time to start the Winter presents! 
    The velveteen Dino! And his Beloved Egg. Inspired by my love . (With the Ghostly drafting test subject). Made from fabric via my grandma’s basement. Seed bead pearly-whites (teeth), weight from with a small pack of BBs I maybe stole from my dad, bead-toes, handsewn waxed embroidery floss backstitch skin details, and two button eyes with tiny punched leather irises and pupils. French knots on Beloved Egg.


    This is the most relatable meme I have ever encountered: 

    So many pairs. Turned the EGD socks (Yellow for fall risk at this hospital) into a Socktopus. Complete with Fall risk collar. And a recent wristband reef. Pattern still needs refinement, didn’t bother with a muslin/tester. Lace handsewn around the eye sockets and eyes made from buttons with fabric yo-yos sewn on them. Lower body made from white PUL, weighted with BBS also.

     
    Life: Medi-drama edition. (TMI warning, as usual.)
     
    It’s easy to get lost at hospitals. Especially university hospitals. When you learned to navigate the other university hospital but changed systems.  And when every ultrasound has been in a different wing. When you’ve been to three different buildings. And your mom is starting to panic. But thanks to transport shuttles (basically free hospital Uber) and a fire truck, an evacuation, and a news crew in the building my EGD was in, I wasn’t late!
    As they snapped my old friend, the fall-risk bracelet on my wrist, it soaked in that “I’ve not been unconscious since the PICU. They wouldn’t even use anesthesia during the wisdom tooth extraction. Did I just sign up for a lethal injection? Guess I’ll find out, haha..?.” It was more surgical than I expected. Got to borrow a lovely gown, two hairnets and a lovely gift of ye olde grip-socks. Hand IVS were a new experience, and those rooms are quite small. Then they rolled the bed thing into the surgery room with a gigantic digital clock. To my surprise, four nurses and three surgeons were present, apparently due to being on ASA III and violent past anesthesia reactions. Then they put a mouth guard over the teeth and a nose oxygen tube, then started the IV. Woke up back in the small room to my mom telling me that the doctor had told her everything looked normal, except for “Excessive stomach fluid, was suctioned with good visualization”.  How strange that looked in the photos. They said NPO (nothing by mouth) for two hours before the procedure, but I did NPO for four hours prior to be sure I didn’t mess it up. But still, a stomach flood was there. Also got a Tylenol IV and free ginger ale, the latter of which was the highlight of the day. And had the first wheelchair ride in a long time. Spent about 3-4 weeks in one of these once, and was counted as a happy weirdo for dubbing it my “Sweet Ride”.
    Biopsies found no evidence of Celiac, Mastocytosis or other damage via the samples from four-foot long scope, so I was sent for more bloodwork to rule it out genetically, and a Gastric emptying study.
    I was given a lovely meal of toasts with jam, a 4oz water and scrambled eggs laced with radioactive tracers. Radiologist: “Try not to touch the eggs since they’re radioactive, drop any of it, or get it on your clothes. Also, try to save a sip of the water to wash it off your throat”. I hadn’t eaten an actual meal in months, just bullions and electrolyte drinks. It was so delicious (despite the aftermath of nausea, dry facial rash/flushing, massive ankle edema and low heart rate) . Then they did a one-minute scan of my stomach in this thing. The ceilings in scan rooms always seem to have beautiful photo tiles of cherry blossom trees and the sky.
    Then they periodically repeated the scans over a period of four hours. ‘Twas a fun morning of hanging out with Baby Yoda (I have no shame) and drawing. And blasting “Radioactive” song piano cover in honor of the Nuclear Medicine experience. Also got to graffiti Baby Yoda on their garden rock.

    The Celiac genetic test results stated that it was a possible, but “unlikely” cause.
    And the solid gastric emptying test came back normal. 
    So another period of “just have to survive to the ‘next steps’ appointment ” began. 
    I can deal with the stabbing ER level gut pain, but when the ankles become that swollen and my heart rate drops to 47,  it’s not good. This happened when I had a serious electrolyte derangement before. Got labs on Saturday at Urgent care. But it wasn’t electrolytes or PCM. Then got a Monday EKG and labs at Primary care. Since last October, my heart has apparently grown. In light of learning this, I’d like to say that I do love you all very much.

     Primary care ignored the result, so I ended up back at Urgent care the next Saturday again with still swelling ankles, heart rate dropping to 45, and total deafness in my left ear. The same doctor and nurse were there. Heard him saying “She’s back? But I don’t know what to do!” in a concerned panic outside the door. So he referred me to Cardiology and an ENT. 
    On the Monday after, I took another trip to the ER. LLQ pain and chills that max-dose Tylenol couldn’t touch. I normally just wait it out, but hoped maybe they would figure out what was wrong. I’d sign up for dissection at this point,  if it would provide answers. That was a 7hr stay, the longest ER so far. Still no knowing or relief, but a non-intestinal cause was ruled out via ultrasound. I’ve learned it’s easier just to print out the scroll of symptoms and positive test results and hand them to doctors. They seem cool with it.
    GI Zoom visit ensued the next day (woo, made it!). I’m getting another EGD-type procedure on Monday. And it’s with new, partial anesthesia, so that should be an experience. There’s “prep” for this one. New COVID restrictions mean that my mom cannot come inside the hospital and just has to drop me off at the door. At least backpack-Baby Yoda can come. Maybe I won’t get lost, they only give the suite address and not the floor number. Weird to realize I’ve never actually done anything adult-like on my own before. I feel like I have the real-world knowledge level of Buddy the Elf. 
    And apparently liquid gastric emptying studies are more accurate, so that’s getting repeated on Tuesday since the EGD still suggests stomach paralysis. Yay for ingesting more nuclear nuggets. XD
    After all this, I get to attempt to eat 4 slices of bread/day for six weeks then eat a camera (capsule endoscopy) to formally rule out patchy Celiac damage (..and look for another thing). They had instructed me to consume only the pediatric amount of 1/2 slice bread/day for the EGD, given the symptom severity, so 4 slices should hopefully be enough to wreck the gut if it’s truly Celiac.
    ENT visit ensued a few hours later that day. Impromptu Nasoscopy. I’m scarred. The doctor was scarred. There were tears. Maybe it would have been worse without numbing cotton balls? RIP to the left-side hearing for possibly the next 3 months, apparently fluid is trapped in there due to Eustachian tube dysfunction.
    Wednesday was a phone call scheduling sprint. I have no idea how people deal with this stuff when they’re “real adults”. Thanks, Mom, for doing all the hard stuff while I try to force myself to sit upright for like an hour then crash on the couch. 
    Thursday, yesterday, the cardiologist appointment happened. They’re doing an Echocardiogram in a month, and gave me my first cell phone! A Samsung, I think? It doesn’t really do anything, though. It’s a 30-day heart monitor. It has a battery that attaches to the human sticker, and the batteries get charged and switched once a week. I’m supposed to stay within 10ft of the phone, so thankfully it clips onto stuff. There’s a button to push to report symptoms on the phone, and it’s waterproof. The company monitors it 24/7 and will call if they see something going wrong. Then you ship it all back in the box. Feels so Sci-Fi.

    Very close. Overjoyed about this, because time’s running out. I've lost 20lbs in three months. My weight’s in the 80s, I’m starving and cannot feel it, just nausea and pain, other stuff and that bizarre dry facial flushing/rash when I eat, drink or just wake up. Weird, because last September I just got so exhausted, had heart rates in the 40s, cried when I tried to lift my arms, lost my appetite but simultaneously, rapidly gained ~8lbs (Maybe fluid-weight? It was all in my face and ankles.) It stayed like that for months. Primary care didn’t believe I was unwell and unable to eat because of this (“You don’t look sick”). 
    All I presently have confirmed via med tests is: Elevated TTG Iga, blood abnormalities, the fact that I never grew like normal, joint hyper mobility, gut intussusception, sometimes delayed stomach emptying/possible gastroparesis, and cardiac enlargement/malfunctions. I’ve only had abdominal and hand imaging so far, and doctors keep implying that a brain/whole body scan should have been done, but I am unsure who would do that. GI Doctor has become my PCP, at this point.
    I’m thankful to just have proof of this stuff. I photo-documented all the visible manifestations when it began. Rashes, swelling, home vitals. 
    I’m glad, as one primary care doctor in December accused me of “anxiety and somatic complaints” and refused to give me any tests or referrals. At this point, I’d lost the ability to do normal living, go to stores, sleep, eat, and sometimes stand upright or move. She told me it was in my head, lied about test biomarkers, said it was fine to be surviving on dangerous amounts of ibuprofen, it was normal to almost die from local dental anesthesia, said it was fine that my body had never grown normally /functioned properly, and then tried to get me on mood-altering drugs. No. 
    I am thankful to say I’ve never encountered a human so intentionally..like this...before. I wish I could stand up for myself on the spot. My mom gawked in silent horror. I just sat there, frozen. I absolutely forgive you, and love you as a fellow human being. But you will never, ever see me again. For a few moments of utter frustration over this, I yearned for an incredibly foolish permanent solution to the temporary problem. How could I escape this suffering? Like a nightmare where you’re attempting to shriek but the shadows consume the sound. My dad made homemade soap once... But wait. This isn’t my life. This is not my choice. And then she would have won. And possibly crush others. It’s on. I fought and got that referral, actually from a different PCP. Yay for medical messaging systems, a way to communicate without actually having to talk. The first one was to an Endocrinologist, who ran a lab that finally, in late April, proved there was a problem. I couldn’t believe she found anything. It’s strange how relief manifests as uncontrollable sobbing sometimes. Then she sent me to GI and rheumatology. And the proof started to roll in. Now waiting for a genetics EDS appointment at the other university hospital, which might take up to a year. Life is so beautifully, chaotically unpredictable!
    ~The miracle~
    I’m on my dad’s insurance, and the deductible is massive. The company tried to deny coverage on a large number of the procedures/tests. I’m so grateful to my parents for covering all the past  bills, but honestly, we’d run out of money.
    A hospital billing dude called and requested 3k for a CT before they would do it. I nearly dropped the phone as the thought of “I have a Baby Yoda doll, a pack of gum, and a lot of passions that I’m too tired to use for monetary gain.” ran through my head. My mom was considering getting another job to pay for it, but knew it wasn’t a medically good idea to leave me home alone. She suggested applying for financial assistance at the hospital. Wrote the letter of my situation and sent it in, didn’t expect anything. 
    But they provided 100% coverage on everything, at least for three months, then I can reapply. All the bills voided. All of it. A free gift. How is that even possible? But they had mercy upon this mere mush’?!? I am eternally grateful, ever unworthy!
    I’ve turned the internet inside out researching medical DDXs and scientific studies for nine months. One thing keeps showing up, should be interesting to see if that is it, or some other wildcard. Or multiple, haha. If I almost die enough times, maybe one day I’ll figure out why.  I don’t care what it is, or if there’s a cure. I just hope to know the name of the bodily oppressor (And to be able to eat actual food again. There is going to be a major shortage of supreme pizza, watermelon and ice cream when/if this happens). Never giving up. Childish trust kicked in a long time ago. One day I will know .
    Additional spam meme because I wonder if this is ever a problem:

     

    He gives you his best smile, to bid you the finest of weekends.
    Fin!

     
     
     
  10. Mushy the Mushroom
    Good Dawning, dear comrades! 
    And by golly, the months melt by. 
    I must so apologize for lack of coherence to reply well to such goodheartedness received here, unimaginable appreciation and thanksgiving to each of you! I owe so much to this site, the little, so-loved Lego city!
    A little homelife hurricane-eye era gallery I forgot about. Started sketch March 2022. I was shedding raretears after a dead-end doctor visit while drawing it, if I’m honest.
    But I lived through a lot more than I ever would have believed, thankfully! Picked up and completed this year.

     
    Cards printed from my zebra drawing-I think these were thanks cards for birthday gifts? 

     
    Fixatif-ing old art because eventually I find out how to do things…sometimes...
    .
     
    A flooring scrap and thin cutting board travel artpad that I never anticipated using in the situations that swiftly followed. I can confirm it’s rather worn out now. 

     
    I somehow had my scanner resolution so rough it’s barely discernible, but maybe it’s for the best given the story here. I decided to draw my distant aunt’s Anatolian shepherd, Tippy, as a thanks gift, as out of the ocean blue(?) she sent a gift.  Then another gift, which was very generous… and looking back this was uncanny given what wrongs were going on at home, then I was blocked on social media, though no interaction was ever exchanged, only mailed christmas cards and felt ornaments and occasional like posts from family I didn’t see. I guess I don’t have an aunt anymore, or anyone on that side?. Sadly, strangely, sorry-ingly. I guess I’m grateful to never have been allowed to attach or interact prior, the separation would hurt more? It’s an odd thing, to become aware of mourning something you never genuinely had. So nice to say “Aunt, uncle and cousins!”- Like beloved characters in a book. You hear about them, know their happenings at length, but can’t quite access their world. I liked believing it, the belonging that goes along with it. So I’ll appreciate that time of that pretend.  (PS Cannot recommend hammock-lapdesk art, poor posture choices on my part and promptly abandoned, haha. )

     
    I am unsure if this was instinct, or if it was a blessing before its time. For around four years we’d stored some very filthy inherited possessions in attic totes. Platters, china, statues and odd trinkets brought back from my mom’s family home for safekeeping, in light of the place sitting in an abandoned state of disrepair half a day’s drive away. I decided it was time my mom got to enjoy them! Funny metal fluff to get off the tar.  Do you play Cinderella when you scrub stuff? Or perhaps a Bohrok? A great gear to turn the wheel of cheer!
     
    🎶
    Ah, those good old days when we were useful...
    Suddenly those good old days are gone
    Ten years we've been rusting
    Needing so much more than dusting
    Needing exercise, a chance to use our skills!
    🎶

     
    For mother’s day decor, 2022. No idea if I posted this prior!
    🎶
    She's our guest!
    Be our guest! Be our guest! Be our guest!
    🎶

    Ivory ponies, polished for bro’s home (apartment, in actuality)!


     
    And statuary with dust undeniably scary. My grandmother’s whole house was once engulfed in this.

    I do think there must have been some kind of inkling of impending doom driving a lot of trying to invent special, for-mom happiness. My efforts seemed to further ignite an explosion from another element, upsettingly. Right there in the lower rooms, the heirlooms sat ready as the tumultuous, unexpected trek took place.
     
    When family lacks, but grandfather’s monkeybank with a snack has your back!

    🎶
    With your meal, with your ease
    Yes, indeed, we aim to please
    While the candlelight's still glowing
    Let us help you, We'll keep going
    🎶
    Fast forward to October, as such scenes seem better in-order.
    A barn box, caulked and reclaimed-painted. We found a big branch to put up my human swing here! Over the past couple years at our old house, I started swinging daily by the duckpond for some form of physical activity/fun/pain distraction because of weakness and joint pain/not being able to walk or stand much at all. 
     
     
    Of course the baby couldn’t just sit on the ground here, wouldn’t be prudent! And a read-tree for dear Mum, where she may sun her silken coat, so pretty plum. 
    Red shirt/dress may or may not be my Winnie the Pooh dress from when I was a human child.

    Still more than just a bear, btw.
     
    It was soon discovered that my swing was in fact to be Mum’s also, though.
    I fast found out I couldn’t propel it anymore. I hadn’t noticed I was shallow-shuffling instead of stepping.  I was so busy pretending to be well, not able to use the wheelchair in the condition of this house, absent-mindedly on plaquenil and painpills, in knee braces because I had a home to build and clean! I was just sitting there on the swing after a few kicks and my legs sat immovable. I couldn’t get my feet off the ground or slide them into shoes all for days. That ability returned but not the full lifting of lower legs/stepping.
     
    (In brackets due to medical/disease content, my apologies if disturbing, not sure if I should/how to use spoiler tags anymore)
    [ Five days from swing setup, neurology did the EMG and skin punch biopsy to evaluate the pre-fleeing ambiguous disease progression numbness. Also, they noticed my toe-lifting paralysis that seemed to upset them, a progression which had escaped me.The tests involved probing the leg nerves with a zapper tool and measuring the reaction. It appeared similar to an ultrasound. Then they took two BB-sized skin biopsy samples from my leg with a hole punch. They said the results took a few weeks.
    And I was prescribed Gabapentin for sleep and pain. That had the reverse effect and made me rather lobotomized, unable to feel my body and terribly sad. Also, hello hives! Very much a personal-refuser of the mind altering medications, this is the closest encounter I’ve had to one. 
    The medical daytrip/appointment/procedures done late last are a blur.  Casually showing up there like a normal, civilized chronically ill human when in reality refusing to take a single day off renovation attempts with reckless inspiration. There are some things they need not know, haha
    I lost count of the amount of diagnostic GI procedures I’ve had at this point, the last one was in late August and I think it must have been the 6th one in 14 months? Two full years now since the really high tTg IgA test.  I told them at the time Celiac certainly did not add up and no change was happening even with dietary omission. Two and a half years have passed in a state of extreme undernutrition due to the sickness. We have no idea how I'm still living like this. Tests, baffled doctors, more baffled doctors, ERs, other specialists, blood draws, scans, referrals, genetics waitlist, being *diagnosed with hypermobile EDS and UCTD, Retests, problems being found but still not Celiac. So thankful for Duke financial aid. The auto-released biopsy on this most recent EGD again confirmed that this wasn’t Celiac disease, so I am grateful to say I was able to stop force feeding myself 4 slices of bread a day, as it is always followed by fevers, face flushing and writhing. In January I finally had a follow up. Apparently I was correct that this is not Celiac disease, not a return of Alpha-gal or another allergy and it is actually something neurologically-related. A mystery systemic disease.  The two year-ago genetics referral at UNC hospital is now canceled because they are overfilled with Ehlers-Danlos patients and rejecting the people who were waitlisted two years ago.
    My tonsils & adenoids are gone for good, thankfully no tonsil stones/infections now, however, the extremely thick mucus that causes the throat soreness did not go away as hoped.
    In January I contacted neurology about the forgotten biopsy results and got diagnosed with small fiber neuropathy.  There aren't enough nerves in my legs.  Systemic autonomic dysfunction is suspected. But SFN seems more of a secondary disease, and they are not definitively sure what the root disease(s?) is. And this shouldn’t be causing bilateral foot drop. *In light of the overall progression, the diseases I was diagnosed with last year are now being reconsidered as rarer/different/more serious things than anyone thought. Not that they told me, I stalk the visit notes. Now there are tons of specialist tests coming up like cardiology, GI, rheumatology, possible ASD testing (that I personally requested because of the realization that I was weird/have some cognitive/social/learning quirks, its genetic significance, having a sibling with it, etc.) this year. 
    The January 15th stroke-like neurological blood vessel paralysis emergency thing was like no other ER visit I’ve had before. The 7ish other trips in my life were acute, life threatening, temporary things. This did lasting damage and I was discharged as no one at the local or Duke hospital was sure of the cause. That day has split my existence in half. We were advised after a 3 am phonecall to drive to Duke ER for hyperswollen left foot, I collapsed paralyzed in the passenger seat on the way and local ER paramedics had to remove me and evaluate the situation there. I could hear everything, but my whole body was like a corpse and I couldn't move or speak. Awkward when your mom is signing paperwork and the doctors are like "Who is this? No idea what her name is" They CT'ed my head, and immovable hours later, I heard them saying I was discharged without diganosis, they were scared to do a spinal tap, and to follow up with Duke. I still couldn't open my eyes or move most of my body and my mom had to shovel me into a wheelchair and checkout. They forgot to evaluate my gigantic foot. We went home, I slept for a few hours then, still being very numb/semi paralyzed and swollen, we made the daytrip to Duke ER, who did imaging of the foot and dischargeded me with permission to add more OTC painkillers to my life, lidocane patches for my giant limp foot, and to follow up with my specialists as they had no idea what was wrong with me. My left foot is still bluish and swelling, and both legs go randomly limp, icy cold and blotchy on and off now. My whole body lost feeling, I cannot feel thirst, and getting in over 16 oz a day is a painful and rare accomplishment. Eating has been reduced to a few small bites daily to try to keep myself alive somehow. Sleep is in random couple hour intervals, which makes it surprising when I hear what day of the week it is. I am so glad the total paraylisis wasn't permanent-I cannot imagine having paralyzed hands or eyes. Take the legs, take the feet, they can't create, just not the hands please, haha!
    The spine involvement is new, I had to unexpectedly see neurology again a couple weeks ago for it.  They forgot about weighing me prior, as a (non-paraylzed/short-distance ambulatory) wheelchair user and did not realize how bad this was getting. Instead of unexplainably maintaining and frequently gaining weight, I’m losing again-20lbs down from one year ago when I was already at the edge of underweight-all in the past few months. Not ideal when eating and drinking cause extreme illness and idiopathic anaphylaxis that worsens with epinephrine. So this trip thankfully led to getting me new genetics referrals to different clinics and a neuromuscular doctor. Guessing this is good because the autumn ENT doctor was concerned about ALS due to the throat strings and neurological abnormality. At the time I was happily unaware of what that disease was. So now is the time to “survive to the next appointment, hopefully” and spend the days/nights creating things, as always. Abundant audiobooks, and comforting and cheery Christmas music. Sometimes I feel a little like how the orchestra band kept playing on the night of the Titanic, but then I remember an encouraging ex-doctor patient in a power chair at Duke whose diagnostic path of Myasthenia Gravis took ten years. I’ve only been a full time lab rat for the past two and a half, ambiguous sick/disabled (without much early investigation) for over half my life now. In late 2019 when I began crashing again, I was crazed for a cure. Those prior two years post-PICU of trying to be normal and healthy and getting to eat all the fabulous foods was such a treat! I ponder how it must feel to possess a prognosis, or the power to plan. If I merely live to get an answer, I would feel rich.  And I will proudly proclaim that a major life goal of mine is eating, hahaha. I do so wish my mom had a family- It's just my faraway bro and I...and, unfortunately that one past-many-years-incarcerated uncle who we hope won't get out of prison this fall...y i k e s. She's had to deal with all my medical drama alone...  But life is still lovely, there are little things of beauty in all if you look close enough. I do think happiness is an inside job. ]
     
     
    Some small efforts put forth in order to retrain my art amnesia-brain! Done in December 2022 to a cozy comfort audiobook and Cladrite radio. I do adore pretend time traveling and brain roleplaying, such fun to be a magazine illustration fine artist in the 1930s-1950s when the fancy strikes. Painting these, in truth, felt as an internal battle because of the practical-or-nothing-at-all predicament that 2022 sent.  Painting seemed..improper so soon after, almost pointless-but thank goodness for the motivation of doing it for someone else. Maybe that’s the secret joy in doing any and every thing? Who is it done for, and the love behind it? Tis for me, that feels like truly living.  
    Mini scenes, 3x3”  cardboard canvases. Sneak peak of barnchair, woven with care. 
    First try on this, had the canvas squares sitting idly for years. My grandmother’s generous gifts of art supplies live on. 
    Pencil sketch covered in acrylic paint and gloss glazing medium. 
    I “should” probably watermark some of these, but oh well. And maybe blur my signature but eh, doesn't really matter. Going to blissfully believe in the morality of humankind instead, I haven’t the energy to worry.
     

    Low res-resized  version of scan, it appears.

     
    Painting times:
    Baby: 6.5 hrs 
    Girl: 13 hrs
    Deer: 6.5 hrs
    Reindeer (if I recollect correctly)?: 7.5 hrs
    Chipmunk: 7 hrs
    Birdy: 7 hrs



     
    For my mom’s Christmas gift. I credit her completely with forming my art obsession, I wonder if she knows that…I’m afraid I never thanked her prior, oh my. All those splendid art history books and children's drawing books, that dearest impressionism book of unrivaled beauty and dashing colors, the craft-centric homeschool curriculums that danced across my child kingdom- all at the kitchen table in that sacred morning sun. She covered its wallpapered wild ivy walls with my paint splattered scrolls and sketched scrawls. Something odd began happening recently, in light of meeting a few individuals for art transfer. They wondered when I started drawing.. I felt a fool because it never consciously occurred to me that people ever stopped drawing. All children I’ve seen are creators. Maybe artists don’t grow up? Hope they don’t have to, I’m quite afraid of such heights. 
     
    So soon, If all is well, I can freely photodocument and publish my professionless-and proper-product-less projects that paperwork presently prohibits!I am glad to further discover how the less one has, the more unconventional uses for other objects appear. ‘Till then: Drawings! 
    Gratitude echoes over my very being over the luxury of getting to do art again.
     
    Lapdesk Land doodles. Some of these were unrequested ones for BZPers, and other random victims of my art endeavours, so I feel odd/guilty about posting them.... My apologies if unacceptable… Please let me know if any would want them taken down and I shall gladly do so! 
    Graphite sights:
    Anatolian puppy, one of the first tiny attempts to remember how to draw. (September)

     
    12hrs, 8x10 as I actually began googling standard art sizes.  My brother’s Japan research trip. How was that half a decade ago? (September/October?)

     
    Car art of a family photo for my mom. Started in September when summoned to show up for a scary Social Security “prove you are sick, please” interrogation because of the new need of insurance and never having had income. I never noticed I was considered disabled until recent years. My mom never made me feel like I was, being homeschooled since forever helped this, I guess! Standard small photograph size, whatever that is.  

    Public domain peoples! 8x10”, 8hrs.


     
    A memorial of a Facebook church acquaintance’s pet, pit bull Boo Boo. 8x10”

     
    Anatolian, another attempt! 10hrs? 8x10”.
     

    We found this poster on our front door once getting back from the ERs on January 15th. Impressive determination considering our yard is gated and farm-fenced! 
    I collapsed on the couch treasuring this task. 

     
    The dog owner did find their furry friend again! And introduced us to a local children’s charity runner friend. It was initially started by her rare-disease daughter. So I tried to draw her, 13hrs, 8x10”.

     
    Then it occurred to me I knew of one other similar children’s cancer charity, so drew the girl who founded that one, for fun. 17.5hrs, 8x10”

    Shoutout to my mom’s art delivery services! 
    And a bit of a rough one as my accuracy and speed is absolutely unpredictable and pain-dependent. 8x10”, 16hrs. Quadriplegia violinist from IG, I need to muster the brain power to ask about mailing this one. 

    (Property of BZPers below) 
    8x10” , 8.5 hrs 

    6x8”, 5.5 hrs

    9x7” , 13.5 hrs

    8x6”, 13.5hrs.

    Trying to improve at people's portraits, proportions I do struggle with. My method is to do a light sketch focusing on the angles, then going back over that, erasing and mechanical pencil detailing down from the upper left side so I don’t smudge it. Then fixatif spraying and cutting to-size. I seriously need to thank the pastor who supplied this orphaned tilting lapdesk from their church gym, the hours of joy and purpose it has provided are inexpressible.  
    Moving back to one’s hometown is funny. The one family I was fortunate enough to call my (only) childhood friends is still around. 
    Drawn for her mom while she was gone on a missionary trip. 8x10”, 20hrs.

     
    My mom adores old-fashioned paper calendars (only the finest ones from Dollar General, haha), and I’m quite fond of their picturesque vignettes. I fell for this feathered friend and had to fashion an embroidery lookalike. Plumped it up a little. It’s a pleasure to stitch rainbow plumage and other colorful crafts in between the graphite-gray sketching. Keeps the immobile insomnia hours vibrant events. 38 hrs total, framed it (Yay for spray paint and barn-find frame) instead of making it a pillow. Initially for my mom’s Christmas gift, but upcoming mother’s day makes more sense for her new-old home’s wall art needs. An uncanny color match to my grandmother’s lamp.


     
    It fit in our scanner! Wrapped and sticky leather taped it onto heavy cardboard. 
     
    Craft collection! Truth be told, I’m torn on what to post, project-wise. I want to wait on posting the home decor stuff as it makes more sense to show it with the whole room, so we wait. 
    My mom loves heartleaf philodendron plants. Historically her houseplants ended up getting suspiciously knocked off the surfaces where they sat, and she gave up. With funds for foliage now as the only barrier, I decided a few pseudo plants would make the shelves merrier. For Valentine’s day, since they are conveniently heart-leaves 
    I didn't have the proper supplies or a way to get them, so the base was a wood-cutting ripped old shirt I’d remade from an old shirt. Used a similar method as last year: fusing two cotton layers together with spray adhesive, ironing and cutting out. 
    Sewed leaf creases down each one and smothered them in glazing medium for stiffness. Cut around the edges again for a smooth finish.  Scalp massager (???) and pipe cleaner base. Tied on with green yarn. Ginormous cardboard tubes, old shoe foam and laces, and upholstery swatches for “planters”. The superglue I used to attach the fabric to the cardboard started smoking when I pressed it together. No spontaneous combustion has occurred so far. 
     Definitely not one of my greatest creations, but passable from a distance. 

    *real ladybug lounging on leaf*


     
    And gratitude greetings from owl arts, little laminated prints.. Recycled partially from gift bags. Going to pretend that the printer ink wasn’t too red on some, and this was intentional. 

     
    Scrunchies for my mom. 
    Octo-O’s, balloons windblown, done into donut bundles because why not?


     
    And assembled the pants  for my mom I’d cut out in the basement last year and abandoned. Maybe these will be for a Christmas gift, stashed and waiting for now.
     
    Basic bakes and birthday bakebox gifts. Butter, beautiful butter! 

     
    In other news, I’ve just last week figured out how to organize the kitchen to be much more wheelchair accessible! It's worlds less exhausting with appliances on lower surfaces and a folding card table for a low countertop. Figuring out wheelchair life is new in itself. I started using part-time at the former home in January 2022 as the mobility/pain/weakness issues worsened. That house wasn’t very easy to drive it in, with the rooms being much smaller and closer. Once we were given no choice but to leave in May, so began the season of painful staggering. This new-old home is perfect for rolling with all its hallway loops and long rooms now! I love it here, endearingly old and unusual. 
     
    Handkerchief head scarf bandanas for my mom’s coworker, as she kindly sent one to me as the color wasn’t her preferred.

     
    I think that wraps up the majority of neglected knick-knacks and novelties and my endlessly talking about my mom being awesome, haha. Looks like I’ll be making a collection of current yellow-thing-projecting for next time. 
     
    My mom made my whole life with a birthday gift of this baby. One with feet, what a treat!

    Wishing everyone a happy week! 

    Also, I've patched this thing together in Google Docs again and haven't a grasp of if the images upload too largely as a result, apologies and will try to remedy if so!
    Or if my brain can form sensible entries anymore 🙈
     
  11. Mushy the Mushroom
    Just some artstuffs! 
     
    9X12 Lop ear bunny, finished last month. Acrylic, pencil and watercolor paper. I feel like the leaves look kind of odd/over-detailed....The reference photo had a bokeh background. It's so hard to decide when it's done.
     Drawing time:? Painting time 31 hours.

    A happy little pumpkin panda with bamboo. White wood fill markers and black china markers will stick to pumpkin skin (Yaygaragestuff)
    .
    That color wheel feel when an art idea materializes: And the Lego version:
    (Not an accurate color wheel.)

     
    This is a pseudo paint palette...A fraud made of foam board...taped to the face.
    I wish I had a younger sibling so I could bribe them to be in photos instead. These photos were taken using the most barbaric methods.
    Proof:

    And finally...my pathetic Plant-O-Lanterns! Inspired by @Bambi and @Aderia.
    MR. NARWHAL and cantaloupe octopus. Poor cantaloupe octopus was illuminated with a flashlight, I couldn't find another candle.
     

    I fail at carving cucumbers.
     
     
     



     
     
  12. Mushy the Mushroom
    Sugar Plum Poppy! Her Christmas gift. Wanted to make a camo cardigan for Pug, but he’s sometimes a fashionably disagreeable little slug. 
    6.5 hours
    Made from a shrunken thermal shirt, scraps, and serged 3x fullness skirt from grandma’s basement gingham roll. 
    Pops, being a gracious midnight-thirty model. 


    Decorating Without:
    A fireplace, a plan, energy, budget, indoor lights
    Or a tree!
    ♫Every morning, every evening
    Ain't we got fun?
    Not much money, oh, but honey
    Ain't we got fun?♫
    We’ve excluded the tree for the past few years for certain reasons, and I threw away all our Santa stuff for similar causes, but haven’t gotten around to making any proper ornament hanging boards. These are canvas paintings,with tablecloths safety-pinned on, then window screen mesh for the hooks to hang on. Then covered in outdoor net lighting because that’s what I rummaged out of the shed. 
    Decorating style:

     
     
     
    Spending New Year's, Christmas, Thanksgiving and Halloween in the hospital a few years ago taught me that you can do a lot with paper, paint and glitter. So much glitter. Bet it still haunts the crevices of that common room in its shiny glory. That was the greatest decorating experience of my life, that blessed craft tote. They dropped it off with the instructions of “This unit’s been asked to make ornaments for the lobby tree”. Only superglued the scissors together three times. Dragged a bunch of dirty magnolia cones in from a pass, dunked in glitter. Can’t believe the nurses let us go so wild with it. The whole unit got hit by a paper blizzard. Nurses FTW. Yay! Poster-board painted into a brick fireplace and paper ice sickle garland materialized then, now has evolved into this stuff. Wish I had more energy to make a snowstorm.
    Swiped this extra banana box and turned it into a 3D fireplace. Top box bricks are cut from foamy sheets, then spray painted the whole thing metallic silver. Ribbon edge & tablecloth wrap for lower box. Plug-in candlestick to illuminate the fake fire. Wanted to pry the light off the wall because ugly, but parents, so switched the bulb to a flame-type and we’re now going with the “Yep, definitely a chimney” cover story. 

    Two dogs might have been snoozing under this card table in their crates/castles. Pops’ Mega Bloks doghouse castle has somehow stayed intact with daily use for a year now. Superglue magic? 
    This might not be an ancient barn basket that one scrubbed the mold off of with dish soap. 

    Recently occurred to me that I wouldn’t have to cut new card stock icesicles each year with lamination powers. 
    Garland also could be artificial wreaths cut open and twisted together into a straight strip. 
    TV looked ugly to me so covered that up.

     
    My dad’s very-WIP train village. Always beats me to prime  (LEGO train) location. The poor engine is somewhat disassembled at the moment.
    Not sure what the story is behind this:

    Our ornaments, a finely curated collection. AKA: The Ornament Hall of Shame:
    Random toys, odd, old items we didn’t have another use for, a few creatures I’ve created over the years, and some my mom describes as “We hadn’t any ornaments and tried to make some”.
    Sent these few particularly sickly ones to the ornament hospital. I didn’t take before photos, but I promise, they did look worse than this. Translation: I don’t know what to do, spray paint and super glue? Angel was before a doll I made supposedly of my mom (sorry, mom!) out of a ping-pong ball and wooden clothespin. Green thing was a nut I found outside a hospital and for some reason, really fancied.

     
     
    My first attempt to crochet, circa long ago.. Was supposed to be a strawberry…I think...or a nightmare. Napoleon, the sweetest baby duck from the first trio, painted salt dough,. Almost-one-eyed marshmallow from ages ago, also tried knitting then. XD. Sewn snowman. Mr. Narwhal and blanketstitch bunny, from Idon'tknow. Nutcrackers also got mini-makeovers, mostly their eye designs, because they will always sort of freak me out.


     
     
    Dining room didn't escape deranged decor, either. 2020 brought the fun permanent edition of a curtainwall and string lights, year-round merry & bright. New snowmen made from an unconventional material, and lotion bottle lady, old candy lights into ornaments, no material is off-limits. Nothing is sacred.

    The new neighb-ornaments. 
    13.5 hours for four. Stiff felt, beads and blanket stitches.

    Some sewn while sipping Barium milkshake and getting injected with Gallium. PET scan. 
    The truth of what my primary patterns look like:

     + Peppermint bark brownies and gingersnaps, photo circa 4:53 am..and 40 minutes later...
     
     
    *limping and questioning if going to die of tired, but no regrets. I have good tiiiimes*
    [TOPSECRET] Plan left for delivery because:
    1: Flipped sleep.
    2: Love for people but fear of talking to them.
    3: Miracle mom agreed to do door-to-door delivery (Bonus bribe, though).


    Card making method tests.
    Ran out of time to do a painting for them, just used my pencil drawing. Printed 4x6 ones on card stock and laminated. made base-cards by gluesticking wrapping paper over card stock folds. Finally realized it would be easier to copy the inner greeting onto card stock and cut out instead of hand-writing each one. Sixteen, I think? Gold star Gliiiter. Still everywhere. Even found a piece in a loaf of cinnamon bread I’d made.

     
    Stuck it all together with double side tape, this stuff is miraculous. So fortunate to be able to use all these adhesives/tapes/supplies again without allergic reactions. It’s much easier than using one brand of not-so-great glue in everything. Imfreeeeeee!
     
    Speaking of which, I discovered it’s possible to make a Thanksgiving dinner using 4 slices of bread. I nearly cried tears of joy because it tasted like the real thing. The tiny table is a water filter stand and a cake pan.
    My mom said it was sad, I disagree, it made me incredibly happy.


     
    Wild to reflect the medical madness holiday tradition crash of the past. .. [The following content is a backlash against Hallmark movie depictions of life] I haven’t seen many relatives in almost a decade, severe peanut allergy and illness, travel wasn’t feasible. Then Alpha-gal allergy hit..or, more accurately, bit. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alpha-gal_allergy ) I had to prep all my own food separately from my family using under 15-20 raw ingredients that weren’t cross-processed/fertilized with mammal products. Contacted every company. Had to make my own “flour” for “bread”, out of rice I ran through a coffee grinder and baked in a separate toaster oven. And scrub all produce in baking soda to get off the wax. Dedicated no-dairy/mammal cooking utensils. Mammal meats were entirely banned from entering our house. One member of my family didn’t follow rules. Profound stress. Airborne reactions. Wearing gloves in public to avoid skin-reactions and throat constriction (Frozen’s Elsa was quite relatable!) I am so profoundly sorry for how my allergy grieved my family during these times. My heart goes out to anyone who's been in a similar situation. We skipped all holiday cooking, travel, normalcy, for those 2.5 years. I begged every day and night “Please let alpha-gal allergy go away, please don’t let me have another allergic reaction”…for about two years, before pretty much surrendering. Then one day, sweet freedom returned. Thank goodness it isn’t always permanent. What a miracle. I was able to eat and cook everything imaginable from late 2017-2020. It was a dream. Magical how losing a lot makes the “little things”, those once taken for granted, like literal gold.
     
    [I made the real Thanksgiving meal for my family, as I can cook/touch all food now (yay!) even if I cannot eat it for new reasons. Doctors have dubbed me a mystery Zebra ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zebra_(medicine) It’s not seeming Celiac, and nothing aside from breads and bullion since August. Crazy, but I’m still here?! Three months until an opening for a more complex repeat of a failed GI procedure. And others. 1.5 years until genetics clinic. One day I hope to blog about these medical misadventures. Strange stories are stacking into a tall Google Doc. The chapters come quickly. It is funny to admit, but that worry over getting a diagnosis has vanished. No pressure to prove anything, anymore. And that’s brought an unexplainable, sweet contentment. I’m so glad, just to be here. I guess I surrender, again. A repeat of that old lesson. Oops. I am not proud of how many years I wasted by choosing fear. What a gift it is, to be alive! The present!]
     
    *Time for mom appreciation post*
    My mom wanted to figure out what her passion was. So she said she would try to knit again, this time a dishcloth. I told her I couldn’t bear to see her art used as a mere rag. So I asked her to knit multiple and I’d sew them into a Child’s cardigan. She was terrified, but she did it to please her precious grandchild. 
    Her: “You know, we just aren’t right, Sara”
    Me: I know! *grinning*
    Her diligent weave work:
    Then assembled during Macy’s Parade:

    Child’s Christmas present, now wrapped: (Hat made from extra square test piece, I just added elastic, crochet straps and a pom.)

    And then she moved onto this test hat using 50 cents-worth of experiment yarn. 
    She made it for me (appropriate Zebra colors), but Mum had to model. She made a pom scarf too, but it wasn't done during this forest frolic.

    The same pattern with "proper" product. Convinced her it should be for the bro’s Christmas, so he feels loved (like Mum!) I can’t believe he’s here this year!
    Dubbed the “Silver Tuna” Set. She used a pattern by Sheep and Stitch.

    Made her some quick tags. Leather acrylic stamped tags for official feels. Not the best stamp, but okay for now. 1.25" strips of cotton secured with Steam-a-Seam.

    Knitknitknit. 
    So beautiful when people pursue their passions. I am rejoicing over her newfound creative zeal! ;_;
    Paper Packages tied up with strings. Trying to figure out how to wrap stuff in a non-blobbly manner, I've never excelled at this. Spent too long covering this box in fabric for a cousin:

     
    This may or may not be the very top of our now-rejected-tree. Needed for styling. My brother's masks, I didn't ask...

    How to spam parents in person with doodle thank you's


    Poor Mum.
     
    https://youtu.be/Ic520e0UvR4
    [I still don’t know how to embed videos here. Sorry.]
    Wishing you a merry, goofy, or whatever-you-like little Christmas, or whatever it is you celebrate!

  14. Mushy the Mushroom
    Just a crown. Not really worth posting, definitely not in a topic, but I had a merry time with it. The back is held together with a tiny rubber band (Also one piece on the front, because it was broken).
    Should Bionicle be fashion?
    Yes.
    Should Bionicle be fashion in this manner?
    No, probably not. But that definitely did not prevent me from going totally fantasy-medieval-princess with it.
     
    Yay for tablecloth capes, letter opener daggers, that plush bear that frightens my mom, phone camera timers, a flimsy dock made exclusively for perching ducks, and laser level tripods. This is what happens when you’ve never celebrated Halloween. Any excuse for a costume will be taken. 
    Am I the only one who feels as though shutdowns are a second Renaissance?



  15. Mushy the Mushroom
    March, oh my, almost flown by, I feel like the March Hare shouting "I’m late!" for my pretend post-date!
    Present proceedings:
    -Traumatic almost ends to a toxic situation.
    Thankful that the terriblest times typically cannot precisely recur in a particular person’s story.
    -Unrelated double ER day did damages that aren't bandaged, too drained to explain, brain & body badly bumbling since. Eating, drinking, moving, sleeping, thinking, I’m brilliantly bad at all that. But breathing, and I have usable hands!  Drowning in Duke doctors doing their best to diagnose some suspected ultra rare “root disease” of the speedily sprouting idiopathic secondaries. 
    (Fr e e s o c k s + six(?) hours of waiting room weave while watching other patients leave
    + CannotSeeAThingInThisDarkCarDoodle and the “Ran out of yarn, paper cranes to amuse that toddlerpatient” to keep hands busy & mind sane! Inexpressibly obliged to have a mom, always there, uncontainable care. I wish everyone had a mom, what gift could be more golden?)

    -Life is a lovely thing to live around people positive! 
    -I haven't touched a dead rat or nest all year! I’ve been very good. Rarely doing limpy late night ladder leaps these days, you see. Only minor chairclimbing for curtains!
    -Our windowside wildflowers are blooming. Springs seem sunnier here, I wonder if it’s the mountainous elevation or pure imagination.

    -Chronic midproject making madness missions marching forth! Even a couch can be a creative chariot *lapdesk lightning bolt power* with essentially endless enchanted art endeavours to edit!
    Significantly surprising when ~half I've made I simply forget exists at this point, haha. 
    -Phone of my own for photos! Thankfully a retired one that will never, ever ring (meaning hauling me into a hermit-hiding fit from it at home. Guessing that the former years of ~7 daily pointless phone calls from one individual could have contributed to the recoiling? ) It wasn’t difficult to phoneless document projects prior, as 24/7 access was warmwelcomed as my mom was always around. Inexpressible appreciation! Miss her lots. Sorry for fuzzy Fire-tablet photos in the mix here. And shadowy shots. And if these possibly oversized images are harming the site?
     
    Specks to show, but back to sewing small.  A game of “Can I sew this fast and beat the neuropathic fire, lefty foot limpness & edema fluid before it fills my feet? ” Wonder if supine machine sewing is achievable. The adventures of adaptation! *EDIT:    
    Just yesterday I figured out a floorflop footless footpedal function to be used from now on. Relief! Power!


     A tale of Tatooine twins. To begin!
    Once upon a not far away time...a noble lady noted a night of Star Wars watching amongst the nice folk of the workplace. An uncanny correlation of conversation! For the leader of the league had of late procured a pair of undesired plastic persons in a collection lot, bought from an "extra" actress in the Star wars films.  Once upon ages ago in a home far, far away...a little human became absurdly obsessed with Star Wars. This was thanks to a Lego Xbox game from a grandfather, the fisherman one. She so longed for a certain little Leia doll, but no luck did fall, due to the tag on that specifically splendid ‘70s doll.
    This is that 1978 doll. Sent to me without being sought out at all.
    Hysterical happiness! I daresay- miraculous! Not that material things matter much, but such meaning and memories the plastic molds can hold!
     Little video of my dear death star duo:
     

    \


    Referred permanently for robe rehab. I reminisced over my days of doll doovers inspired by the Tree Change Dolls and then did the daring thing-repainting!  
    A catastrophe in the collector's eyes?
    But done with love, and so far, no lighting has punished me from above. The generous giver wanted to see the makeover, and remarkably- wasn't angry! Actually pleased!? 
    *
    Untimed project due to being out of practice+physical flops/post ERs project pause for weeks.
    Absenteeism of old faces by acetone.
    Repainted the faces, bodies and limbs with acrylic craft paint. Used various PC pictures as a skin color guide for overriding the orange aura. I fear their complexions are not perfect, but bumbled as best I could, and their kind natures are quite good. Sealed with Jo Sonja's matte brush on varnish.  Sewed and gelled Leia's cinnamon buns back. Drafted their clothes from paper towel + tape test garments. Leather scrap accessories, mostly handsewn.
    Shoes also paper-towel drafted and held on with baby rubber bands…because it's a supply I storage-scavenged.

    And a drive link with WIP pics: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1xROTDk3lRt0JFEGLurrp2h1ZKrECQtvS asI had this already to send to the giver and was too tired to properly post all pictures.
    The Skywalker family is uncanny in its relatability to me. Siblings with the same first letter of names, one fancy, one a family-farm-dweller, the dangerous dad, the moral mom made miserable for it, and the abnormal lack of other family members to stop the tragedy.

    So, sew, totoro!
    The story of how this spirit sprouted: I naturally was making a preliminary pattern for Agnes’ Fluffy Unicorn in the form of a costume suit for The Baby, as you do. This was a post-paper bean, old t-shirt-first test subject I’d already mentally trashed. 
    Video because overabundant pictures:


     


    But then by some miraculous twist, it looked okay and was Totoro-tone. So, ears, faux fur and leather, and braided embroidery thread whiskers (hooked on sewing machine needle during braid for neatness). And the tiny, hand beaded, machine-veined tree toupee! Dear knowledgeable ones, is it truly an Akita leaf as this one article says https://www.laitimes.com/en/article/vioe_w7d3.html ? 
     

     
    .
     

     
    Was the wandering wheelchairless weirdo for these photos, thus not at all pro. Wish I weren’t too weak for a serious stop motion production. Late January. A fine feeling to breathe the arbor-aroma after days of complete crippled couch confinement! Never understood why adults don't climb trees typically, I’d live in one if my legs would allow it! Russian yew tree twigs, Alaskan blown glass buoy orbs brought from my grandparents’ + mom’s major move, many moons ago.
     
    @Bambi has first-rate create recommendations. 
    “June 19, 2022: Now you just need a Mimikyu to go with that Pikachu. ”
    Thanks for 3hrs of thread therapy! 

    Bit-sized butterflies! And feather from dear Brownie, my once-duck-baby we had to leave behind.


    Cannot remember the contents.  Two months was a terribly long time ago! Did I already share this shot?
    …hmm, art was in this! *subtracts points from senility score with laughable satisfaction*
     
    Mermaid-ish mom top made from a precut back in the basement residence. French seams and such.

     
    Bakes thanks to new backbrace need (and wheelchariot, so weird to remember cooking without it.) Caramel crumb cookies and yeastroll feast, not properly planned in the least but for a birthday of our benevolent once-basement-hosts!
    Sprinkley spontaneity party from September! 

     
    And bake box for momcoworkers. Three am tablet photos being triumphant, of course. 

    So spine shattering and shortness of breath inducing, sadly. Shouldn’t be doing extra stuff, but suffering for special occasions-other people treats is a pretty sweet pretend occupation to me! 
    Used to want to be a pastry chef prior to the allergic to everything adventures. But thankfully also a costume designer, a toy maker, Jedi, and an artist of course, so no sadness stayed once that idea strayed. At this point I’m thinking being a fairy godmother or a grandma-minus-the-family would be the most wondrous and well-suited dream career. #1 has the wings for optimum mobility, and how nice it would be to be invisible, unknown, free, far-away, in a forest fairy village making tiny gifts for all ze humans at all hours, and dropping them at doorsteps on phantom runs. #2 matches my mobility and eccentric octogenarian interests. Unremitting time & things to invent when repelled by traditional entertainment/television!
     
    Oh yes! Some tutorials tied up, hoping they aren’t too topsy-turvy for typical translation: 
     
     
     
    *Still silently with Greg on this and esteem them as best friends* 

     
    Wow, this is wackily harder to organize words. Sorry for the near-nonsense.
    Art assemblages wait until next time, I go crumble like an overcrisp crippled cookie now.
    Care, cheerfulness and imaginary confectioneries to all!  Wishing you a superb start of spring!
     

    *adoring that magic wand duster far more than I should*

    Probably going to regret not proofreading this later.
  17. Mushy the Mushroom

    Cake, shirt, life.

    By Mushy the Mushroom,


    nothing more mortifying that reading your own content
    ..Rareactualreallifeentry..
    It has been wild lately. Medical TMI warning, I’m sorry in advance.
    But first, a of couple creations. Just a shirt and chess-cake cheesecake for my brother. Stoked that he finally was able to visit.
    The cake was really rough-looking.I made charcoal-dyed lemon butter-mint dough to cover it because I didn’t have fondant. Kind of floppy and hard to work with, and was totally last-minute. 

    Finally got to apply some newly-learned sewing techniques in the shirt. Basting tape is a marvelous thing. And stay-stitching. It’s also a lot easier to use a serger inside the french seams. The vertical buttonholes are a lot less scary to put in than traditional thread ones. (The shirt is on a female mannequin that I padded with towels. Probably looks weird, but no male mannequin at the moment.) So glad to finally have a sewing technique resource website!
    I’m still in the process of designing a full-face Bionicle mask, but I’m failing at a lot of stuff lately so it might be a while before it’s done. And now it’s holiday-gift-making rush season. So many half-finished sewing and art projects, so many things I need to take pictures of...
     
    It’s been a strange year of medical mysteries. TMI begins here, sorry in advance.
    Five total ER visits now. You know you’ve been too often when you see the same ER doctor again.
    Went two weeks ago for myoclonic hyponatremia seizures, chest pain and near syncope... the seizure, at least, caused by unexplained extreme thirst/over-hydration. That visit was pretty drama-free, just labs, x rays and EKGs.They actually didn’t catch that hyponatremia was the cause and suggested it was dehydration (...checking your own labs later is useful).
     
    Last night brought anaphylaxis/allergic reaction. Hives, throat constriction and breathing difficulty. It’s been awhile since anaphylaxis gave me a visit (I outgrew my food allergies three years ago...). My mom gave me expired Benadryl, then harpooned me with an Epipen that expired 4 years ago (It’s odd how you don’t feel the needle). None of that helped, and the home pulse-oximeter showed hypoxemia.This was the first time the Epipen hadn’t worked...So, woo, another ER visit. EKG again, an IV of steroids, an epinephrine shot....and the infamous, bright pink Benadryl IV…. Instant burning throat, coughing, a sensation of all mouth moisture sucked out, a feeling that a black hole has sucked all the strength out of your body, convulsing, losing the ability to move and speak, and being unable to feel your arms. Also, fiery hallucinations and losing consciousness(?) while hearing everything. 
    Nurse: “You just had the worst possible reaction to that.”  
    ...Benadryl is quite nefarious. Strangely, almost dying a few years ago didn’t feel nearly that weird. eek. wow.
    Glad that’s over...but the etiology of it all remains unknown. Has peanut allergy re-emerged? Or Alpha-Gal allergy? Or a random new one? I guess it’s back to sanitizing a spot in the kitchen and starting the “I can eat these five foods until I get an appointment” diet. Thankfully, this isn’t as disturbing the fourth time around. Pretty chill, really. Not boring, at least. Also, it’s cool that the IVs have bendy plastic needles, I forgot that was a thing. I’m acquiring a nice collection of electrodes and hospital bands now, haha. Sorry if anyone actually read all of this, I never imagined I’d actually post anything non-art related on here. I’ll probably deeply regret/be very mortified about posting this later, but I suppose it’s a nice way to process it all. I’ll blame it on the Prednisone blur. Thanks for making blogs free, BZP. (Also, sorry if posting about this stuff isn’t allowed, not sure if it’s okay.) Edit: apologies for typing errors. Also, ultrasounds make the spookiest, most fascinating, haunted-house-style swooshing noises...And also, time to add filler memes, because memes improve all situations. Mildly tempted to post an IV pic, but that’s likely too gory.
     


  18. Mushy the Mushroom

    Stopmotions, Happi-mess and Some Clarity on the Sickness!

    By Mushy the Mushroom,


    Baby Yoda, rainbows, butterflies
    Translation: A blog so big I’m a bit worried about it breaking BZP.
    Greeting again pretend-friends! 
    Stacks of stuff from the home reno I’ve not individually posted but feel funny about doing so redundantly! Because in the excessive room-by-room Docs I planted them.  But here are a few of the decorations/homey Hapi-mess projects from the farmhouse. And new projects I’ve been too absorbed in/too sick  to document/edit. Sorry for over-downsized picture quality here and incoherent rambles!

    ~Older content~
     
    Embroidery wreath pillow, 10 hrs.

     
     

    The “UP” movie inspired house for my alien children-from a freezer box! Made from cardboard, leftover paper drywall tape, wood & school glues, a bunch of paint mixes I used in the home here, and twist ties. Window frames are cardboard covered in masking tape, then painted. Door knob and doorbell are felt furniture feet. UP inspired, as it’s missing the side window and roof extension. Does anyone know why the official set by LEGO does not have the side window or house side roof? Was it structurally impossible? 



     
    Hot air balloon!
     
     
     
     
    The ball was a horse-toy, I think? A thick plastic ballI I found in the stables. It had to be bleached for a hot air balloon! Began by making a barn-yarn (string) macrame net. Pattern for fabric cover made by marking with electrical tape and paper drafting of the dark lines. Basket made from chopping the handle off an ordinary one and painting with KILZ primer. White balloon fabric is PUL, red is slick material from an old vest I’d made for myself (out an old vest of my dad’s). Topstitching details. Seam taped together in back, then hand ladder stitched. Wooden beads are from a rusty jar I found in our barn. Canning jar lid ring for fire area thing. Made tiny sandbags from drop cloth and added a bandana. Tree branch and plastic barn-yarn for a pulley.

    .
     
    What you see VS reality:
    That absolutely is my mom murdering weeds with her Mother’s Day Machete.




    Eucalyptus hanging
    .
    Made by cutting out over 200 fabric cotton circles in three different sizes! Math estimate based on spacing/desired branch number. Cotton circle sewn with a little opening. Assembly line sewing style is such a pleasure! Sewn using my machine on a lapdesk on the floor, back propped against the wall. Cut apart & turned right side out while wet. 
    Octopus ironing board 

    Ironed while tucking raw seams in, then added center seam to sew together. I hand-kneaded and squished them into the 8-color mix and hung them across a paint extension cord and bucket drying rack in the basement. And yarn for stems. Later poked the holes with leather awl and handsewed each leaf on with tex 70 upholstery thread. This splendid stick was selected by my mom from a newly toppled yard tree, I miter sawed to fit. Yarn and nails on top, tiny ½” tacks and reinforcement thread on each strand to hold
    .
     
    Stenciled fairy flags from my ancient x-acto knife PUL stencil, cotton fabric sponge brushed with alteration tint of the kitchen wall paint & backed with PUL. Strung up with little yarn-let cuts and some of the shiny plastic spool of wire.

    Motif panels are made from cotton muslin and backed with PUL. I cut/designed the stencil from an art canvas material many years ago. Foambrush sponged with extra wall paint (from another room). Sewed around each curve after drying and individually tied all threads inside. Yarn tassels, hand embroidery floss french knots.

     
    Shutter flower pots, a birthday gift for my mom. Made from the doors of the rotting hall bath vanity, chalk painted (baking soda version). Little pots from leftover floor scraps are tiny tacked & wrapped around a giant cardboard tube (gift from family friend) that I chopped with my mini miter saw. String from the massive roll found in the barn to match the rest in the house. Flowers made from laminated copies of Wildflowers of American antique prints (my grandma sent to me a few years ago). 


     
    And my mom's birthday bounty!
    Excessive decor and food photos!
     


    Artgifts posted prior, laminated 2D flowers, cheesecake & bakes, & for it finally occurred, origami bird! Napkin, but really a paper towel! Fold Guide Made makeshift mushroom & cowbaby magnets for my mom’s birthday. Printed some scientific mushroom illustrations and laminated, wood glued onto the plastic sealed magnets I cut off of a ripped white shower curtain (the one I’d been using as a tablecloth!) 
    Sheet from Lawman friend/HUD house for temporary tablecloth. 


     
    Mum, there for fun
    ~m o r e t h a n j u s t a b e a r~
    .
     
    Raspberry lemon cheesecake, turmeric +raspberry drink powder tinted buttermint dough. Because it’s what I had! Fondant, transportation, and funds are far from me. Fun game to find substitutes to suit
    Faux forever flowers were an impromptu b-day idea. I found an envelope of Wildflowers of America Smithsonian prints from my grandmother and it hit me. I had to scan them, print copies, cut them out and stick the scientific title on the back. Laminated and placed into the Leaning Green Barn found green vases, and these narrow “Avocado Hot Sauce” bottles from a discount grocery store. 10 cents well spent!

     
    ~Actual New Content~
    The beauty of food 🥮
    My mom got a freezer as she buys discount ingredients in bulk when on sale & for years our custom has been to freeze homemade meals. I love baking and freezing. And other randomness because sometimes it’s 3 am and I feel like making quiche and such. 
    Also, miraculously, a kind Instructables staffer told me my LEGO dress tutorial (https://www.instructables.com/LEGO-Minifigure-Fabric-Gown/?amp_page=true ) qualified for one of their contests, so bumbled into that by chance. They generously sent a gift card for being a finalist, I filled it out in my mom’s name, but she bought an Instantpot for me to experiment with. She is so unselfish!
    I’m overjoyed over the fancy food tools!  It's always been terribly difficult for me to use the stove asstanding was hard, but using it in a wheelchair where the burners are shoulder height is a Snow White and the Seven dwarfs experience. 
     
    My mom bought some “overripe” strawberries for groundhoggy bait, but I, being a feral scavenger who mourns waste, had no idea these were supposedly second-class strawberries and treated them as fine delicacies. ❤️ Sorry hoggies! 

     
    Salsa and vegetable dishes freeze finely in muffin containers, but the regular shape metals do work a bit better!

     
    Chicken, grape, walnut and cream cheese pastries (lots of these are frozen in the pictures!)

    Walnut oat + chocolate dough drops. Oat buns are fun!

    Chocosquare cake + almond cinnabuns! Peanut caramel cube cookies! Apple pastry!

    Banana breads, biscuits, oatmeal cookies, raspberry muffies, lots of cookies as they are mom’s best beloved baked burgers,
    Instant pot soups frozen for easy momwork transport & heating. Jars from when she was canning the most delicious chicken in our old life. Mayo jar lids fit (and are free!) quite perfectly upon the narrowneck pints!
     
    I adore King Arthur flour recipes as mix & match pastry bases. Buns! I've had a hard time with yeast breads since my body has been spiraling more, the rise times are hard to handle when I spontaneously crash or sleep at all hours. 
     Yeast rolls, buns, French breads, personal pizza, burritos.

    Greens & cream pastry, quiches, potatoes and fiesta pasta. Walnut garlic Italian buns. Instapot beans are a blessing! 

    Impromptu cookie bake batches because tree cutting fellows were here and hungry, and mom was around for their delivery, so no photos fancy and I forgot entirely to take one of the giant chocolate chip cookie batches.
     
    Starbiscuits! Waffellows! Yeast buns and cookies!

    *Not shown: me crying from pain while cooking because it’s a grand amusement/distraction! What am I supposed to do, watch TV? Not for me. Cannot wait to be hungry and able to eat this stuff/normally again!
    PS: I promise not everything I cook is bread based, these are just the pretty-picturable pastry dishes. 
    "We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup."- infinite wisdom from Buddy the Elf.
     
    My mom bought me a vehicle. 😎 A trolley for towels and dollies! And me to lowride slide on for a few hours when I’ve crammed my wheelchair into the tub for shower hosing it off and it’s drying. It gets quite dusty! I have no idea how other people clean their chairs..and apparently felt no need whatsoever to investigate this. 
    Was extremely difficult to transport thingies prior! 

     
    A bonsai tree (juniper variety) made tiny!

    Pipe cleaners wrapped fabric strips then in embroidery floss (now questioning why I didn’t use yarn for less waste) and painted. Stuff felt sewn centrally and stiffened with glue. Box made from basement bits of glued wood + filler, stained and polyurethane sealed. Painted the whole tree for a hopeful look of reality. Dirt is made from coffee grounds and Elmer’s glue poured into the wooden pot lined with plastic wrap.

     
    Norwegian inspired Birdy ornaments in honor of my mom’s roots. For tiny Christmas gifts. 3hrs each, if I remember correctly (too tired to check)?


     
    Recycled Cards featuring my chickadee mini painting from last December. 
    No colored cardstock, found other stuff!



    Birdhouse! Homey theme continuing. Penciled while trying to listen to an audiobook of the Pickwick papers. Delightful oddity, I have a frightful problem of beginning audiobooks, abandoning for months on end, then returning. Brain fog beckons in mindless music box melodies while making things. 
    15 Hrs. 8x10”.

    WIP/test subject Wii MySims inspired doll from May. Because it was time for what seemed like my biannual pain + medical-exhaustion life burnout and I needed a couple hours to escape reality.  Every time I play MySims game I end up making things instead of gaming, last time I made dollhouse furniture, this time a doll. I am amazed at the patience of gamers. I guess I need a weird amount of physical evidence of what I’m doing with my life to feel fulfilled. 
    Doll needs lots of alterations to the face and head, she’s additionally in a paper towel test dress that is quite hospital gown style. 

    May embroidery inspired by my mom’s tastes. 
    Randomness in terms of stitch, sewn into circles in case they get framed or something. Gifts for somebody, probably my mom? I’d like to give her all the things but there are a few other humans I know exist and it shreds my soul trying to figure holiday gifting out. Been trying to make one copy of each one for her to keep. 
    15Hrs, 12 hrs

    Little yellow lassie! Like her original friend. 
    Either for my mom or maybe my honorary Granny. I am happier with the face on her than my first. First one scares me a wee bit. 

    Pumpkin friends! One by the name of Beatrice! Because I was weakflattened on the couch, conscious but not enough to coherent so tried to easy knit a bit. 

     
    The origins of Lady Beatrice (who is a pseudopumpkin and an eggplant): 

     
    Baby and baby goat, belonging to kind local foundation person and possibly harvested from their Facebook 17.5 Hrs. 8x10”

     
    My mom! 8.5 Hrs. 8x10”

     
    Birdy painting, a Holiday Holly Hummingbird! For putting on Christmas cards. 5x7” acrylic, colored pencil and fixatif on watercolor paper pencil sketch. 78 hrs total. Metallic gold paint details. 

    My floorflop sewing setup. The lapdesk on the floor posed risk of scratching up the deck painted floors, so I made slider towel socks from PUL and elastic for the foldy feet. 

     
    Shirt shop! 
    Two button downs for my brother, from fabrics generously gifted by new aunt J. 33 hrs for two, slow as the purple was thick knit and required much hand sewing. Hand bound buttonholes on both because my machine tends to jam on them. French seams. Hoping this pattern still fits him since he’s still a medium though has taken interest in gymnasiums. 

     
    And simply a tee from an unwanted jersey flat knit sheet that matched some Macra lace swatches from the stash. French seamed. 4hrs each because I am the snail.
     
    Test subject dress for my mom from the lower sheet, sadly this a bit nubby knit-wide. I intended to use the wrong side of the fabric as the outer. but kept collapsing from low blood pressure during this which blocks the brain ability to French seam. 
    *presents mom with the Macaroni Necklace Quality dress and apologies* 
     
    I can’t calculate how to catch rainbows so I just copy them in my clothes! Hues due for mockery make me exuberant. I get colorhappy!
     my mom began knitting again, so happy for her! She essentially forgot due to the PTSD of our reality. 
    Sweetly spun spools into leg warmers for me! Perfectly twinning with the hand-me-down sweater from my new octogenarian aunt!

    Normal humans: *t shirt + jeans 😎*
    Whatever feral mutant species I am: *Wearing everything weirdo wonderlandian ways instead*
    Actually went outside with the sweet ride (wheelchair) once in March, prompting proof in pictures and pseudoswinging & chainclinging. Just porch pillar plops in the sun fits my function level better. 
    Christmas/bro birthday stash growing and wraps getting going. The hard part remains, choosing what’s for who! 

     
    And a-still-on-my-sidetable WIP in the works I’m actively updating because my body is not something I can trust in: https://www.flickr.com/photos/189713610@N04/albums/72177720310455074


     
    Kind human playing piano at Duke cancer center (They send me there for noncancer imaging sometimes, not sure why):

    Medical madness has made up the year, I truly cannot believe it’s August and I’m still here! Seven months since the stroke! Surviving! The ER sent me home without any ideas or help that day and my specialists have been helpless. Ramblings below.
    -At last in June I got into a local geneticist! They only ran a connective tissue panel, hemochromatosis panel, and hereditary neuropathy panel for my SFN. Under 200 genes analyzed so not terribly helpful, but some things ruled out! Wish whole gene exome sequencing were more affordable, given that now doctors named me “extremely medically complex” and “perplexing”. 
    Genetics  *legally confirmed* I have hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (type 3, the one that they haven’t IDed the genes of yet and only diagnose from clinical exams). I accurately self diagnosed with the disease in late 2020 after researching why my knee joints were clicking painfully >20 times per hour causing me to limp, and seeing this Instagram suggested post and being able to do the sign: 

    I got a Rheumatologist to do an unofficial Beighton test in May 2021 with a positive score, and had a UNC genetics referral place the month prior. They waitlisted me for 1 year, which turned into 2, then they were overbooked and canceled me altogether. I am not even seeing their Ehlers-Danlos page on their site anymore. EDS and its 14 subtypes are chronically changing their diagnostic criteria. I am so grateful for google and trust issues, as EDS diagnosis by doctors takes on average 10+ years. 
     
    -This is an odd addition to the Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease. Since no painkillers are effective for EDS according to my geneticist, perhaps this is why the UCTD Plaquenil didn’t help the joint pain? Rheumatology took me off it after the January stroke given my drug hypersensitivity. 
     
    -The idiopathic small fiber neuropathy might be from EDS, as this is true for some. 
     
    -Foreshadowing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zebra_(medicine)

     
    "I'm paint and porcelain
    ...Sensitively, I'm not weak, but my
    Bones are made of glass
    And I'll break if you pass..." 
    ~Porcelain / Em Beihold
    -EDS might explain my past food allergies given the mast cell involvement.
     
    -Still awaiting the fourth reread of my abdomen ultrasound. The one ordered after the May cardiac MRI showed that my GI arteries were “crimped”. Wonder why this is why I’ve had excruciating LUQ pain for years.
     
    -I decided to try to consume more than 16oz fluid and the few bites of starchy food a day I’d been surviving on since the stroke-until recently when even that was getting more difficult (I didn’t speak a full sentence for a month and was barely able to drink with a straw long after it, so much function has been lost). Starvation and dehydration have been the terrifying normal for me for symptom management over the past three years (GI to this day didn’t solve my non-celiac tTG, severe GI complications, intussuseptions/intestines telescoping, the mucosal abnormality & plume of blood seen on one EDG, ulcers, SIBO, transient gastroparasis, bile reflux, idiopathic anaphylaxis, pain, etc., I was able to tolerate nothing but bullion and bread (glutinous bread for the EGDs) for 1.5 years. But I was gaining weight so nobody seemed to believe this. I kept telling them Celiac disease did not fit and was begging for help. The doctor didn’t even reply to messages most of the time, and held my imaging results when serious complex GI issues came up. Like when the Pillcam bounced off my duodenum x4 times and then stayed in my stomach. She sent me for X-rays and never told me or released the results. I found them in the back door method of accessing via the Mychart care document summary. 
     
    The post stroke was even less ingestion than prior and I lost 20lbs.I knew I couldn’t keep living like this, especially barely drinking, though my weight was stable for months. Neuropathic fire. Allergic type reactions ( same ones over the years sending me to ER) on the few days I decided to try to eat an actual meal. The same insane LUQ pain. So for the past >3 weeks I’ve been hydrating and consuming instant bullion again. Takes me 30 minutes to ingest a bowl or I collapse in pain. But it’s so delicious! Been putting green vegetables in it, absolutely glorious. Then the pain, face flushing and exhaustion sets in, an hour passes and the reactions get violent. So violent, consistently like clockwork. The more I ingest the more I reject. Never so bad before as this. Dangerous GI, skin and blood sugar reactions over a span of 2-4hrs, which is a highly useful diagnostic clue. Going to the ER would make sense for a normal human in such a situation, but they would only run labs and give IV fluids, neither thing helpful in diagnosis of my case given this has become chronic and daily and is due to me hydrating and trying to eat more.. At home orally replenishing the electrolytes and monitoring vitals is the current survival strategy amid awaiting appointments.
     
     I thought my episodes of weakness and needing to lay supine in dizzy exhaustion every hour or so were maybe blood sugar lows, but no. My blood pressure is chronically dangerously low (hello salt, please help while I wait on medical care + POTS testing), & the always high blood sugar is baffling. My blood sugar skyrockets from ingesting everything and the spikes correlate with when I get violently sick. The pancreatic polypeptide elevations probably have a great deal to do with this. 
     
    -Waiting on the repeat-from-almost-3-years-ago endocrinology referral for the carcinoid syndrome/neuroendocrine tumor testing( that I originally myself requested from scouring research paper DDXs three years ago after my epi-triggered, resistant anaphylaxis began and face flushing. Then loads of other things, later my allergist later saying all pointed to this after ruling out things like mast cell disorders, allergies + HAE. Now some actual biomarkers that fit).. Duke has a whole separate specialty clinic for this very thing, but for reasons beyond me the GI doctor dominated my care, took two years to reluctantly agree I didn’t have Celiac, and then abandoned my case unsolved after countless Celiac disease procedures/tests. My first really kind pediatric GI PA either was fired or quit by this doctor in 2021 when my case got complex. She tried to solve me, wanted to send me to the cancer clinic for MRIs given the tumor rumors, but didn’t get the chance. I gave my current GI doctor one last chance to try/begged for basic GI care. So now thankfully she’s not my doctor anymore, I’m getting a different provider. My mom the whole time was saying it was malpractice the way she talked to me and how the case was being dragged out/neglected/the life-threatening GI complications ignored. And my old allergist, other Duke specialists and new local geneticists were all floored by the GI doctor’s actions. I thought she was actually trying. But after every appointment she left me crying. Because my case is complex, she blamed me. It was easier. 
    I message-system debated, disproved, and forced her to remove a mental-health misdiagnosis from 2017 she had placed in Mychart in spite of knowing its falsehood. She was using this misdiagnosis to neglect solving my case. It was initially placed on my records at UNC hospital in 2017, when I was ambulanced to their pediatric ICU and barely lived due to a summer of repeat flus, chronic mystery Illness with GI issues, and the crippling dietary limitations of Alpha-gal allergy. My heart rate dropped to 32 with severe electrolyte derangement. I’d uncontrollably lost 40lbs over the summer, the only change being adding gluten back to my diet instead of rice flour. Crazy to look back on this, they did not run bloodwork for Celiac disease then.
     
    UNC removed their misdiagnosis in 2021 after getting my updated charts and genetics referrals. 
    This misdiagnosis was prior to my diseases being identified. They placed it there to legally hold me, never telling us it was on my records. Another patient saw it and told us. “ARFID”- A disorder of “extremely picky eating”. AKA, in my case: how to medically kidnap a pediatric patient with food allergies. This added insult to injury given the fact that many delicious foods would literally kill me, and it wasn’t my choice or being “picky”.The UNC doctors screamed all about how Alpha-Gal allergy didn’t exist, how they wanted to put my parents in prison. My mom told them to walk to the other side of their campus and ask the most well-known Alpha Gal researcher about it- who was a UNC allergist. On their campus. Or to call my allergist and get his lab findings. Or simply Google it. The room went silent. UNC thought my illness/allergies were fabricated by parents. Being homeschooled with learning disabilities/lower grade level than typical in school made it an even scarier situation. That’s why I had to stay impatient for three months. I was underweight so they had grounds to call CPS if my mom took me home. I was grilled by psychologists who wanted to remove me from my family on a daily basis. Everything I said was scrutinized. Even after they were educated on alpha-gal allergy, I obviously had no issues with food aside from my allergies and GI issues, and was stoked to eat (UNC hospital food is fancy!), and kept telling them I chronically felt sick. I was actually fed things I was allergic to/ordered not to be served due to upcoming/ongoing allergy tests at both UNC and countless times at the step-down hospital (they sent me there once the insurance cut coverage). They got furious with me for actually eating peanut butter when they sent it, because I wanted to speed up the allergy testing they were dragging out and see what would happen. I was fine and it was glorious! I also had genetic Ehlers-Danlos then, but we, at the time, didn’t know why I was always sick. Primary care didn’t have an answer when I went at age 9. In 2017-18 I had seizures while inpatient, was observably chronic sick and weak to the point of wheelchair use, but no one investigated it. 
     
    I stumbled across this website recently in my desperate attempts to solve my own current medical complexities:  https://alphagalinformation.org/what-is-ags/#What%20Is%20Alpha-gal%20Found%20In
    I feel inexpressibly not alone by reading the list-torrent of foods and products with mammal products & the infamous airborne reactions. None of this info was easy to access when I had AGS. I had to contact companies about processing and rely on a Facebook group via my mom’s account to not die from food. Bronchoconstriction from white sugar processed with bone char. That FB group kept me alive. My mom had to make our own laundry soap from washing soda. I washed my hair with a block of coconut soap.
    Now I’m showing this site to doctors who are unaware of the allergy/condition. Many still haven’t heard of it. One doctor at one ER in 2020 thought I said  “alpha thalassemia” instead of “past alpha gal allergy” when I was talking mid-throat closure (new idiopathic anaphylaxis) and now that’s on my permanent medical record. 
    My weird early medical era/The story of how I got Alpha-Gal allergy/syndrome:
    The whole gluten free & peanut allergy ordeals. 
    When I got noticeably weak/sick initially (over half a life ago) my mom suspected non-celiac gluten intolerance (negative tTG then, ironically, a PCP sent me to a GI doctor who had no idea what to do). And at the time my brother’s ASD challenges were becoming more apparent, 1 year prior to his formal diagnosis of what was then classed as Asperger’s. So for 3 years we three were gluten-free, in hopes of helping all parties (didn’t help me but she tried so hard!). This was prior to the era of easy allergen-labeling. My mom had a time of it baking with the grainy textures of the olden-day quality certified GF brands. We loved her rice bread but it was definitely dense. I started to have fun cooking more around this era, and the dietary restrictions created odd traditions -we had one good GF pizza crust recipe, and discovered cheesecake is a great grain free option. So that became the birthday tradition dish!  Around this time my dad chose to travel for work (only home on weekends), which was a bittersweet blessing because he harassed me chronically due to my sickness and allergies. My mom had two children with different disabilities, one getting sicker. Homeschooling them alone, no family or friends nearby, driving my dad back and forth to the airport in an area we’d just moved to for his local job a couple years prior. I don’t know how she didn’t break.
    Then the next year I began to get hives and GI reactions after peanuts and peanut butter. Allergist bloodwork and back prick panel. All negative except dust and grass. Said it couldn’t be peanut allergy. He ordered an in office allergy challenge to confirm. Ate a lot of delicious PB, started reacting just at the end of the 2hr reaction watch period. Sick in their restroom and hives breaking out. They said it was too delayed to be from the peanuts, said to keep nuts in the diet.That was in October.
    We avoided the nuts knowing this doctor wasn’t getting it. 
    In April, we decided to repeat the allergen test at home with Reese’s pieces (the delicacy of royals). 
    One handful, 30 minutes later I was on the bathroom floor gasping for breath with my throat closing off and severe GI reactions. My mom had the epipen but froze in panic-terror on the spot and just sat with me. I kept asking for water. I must have drank 20 glasses that night amid struggling for air. I don’t know how I survived that much fluid but I think it effectively, instinctively(?)flushed the allergen out of my small body. This went on until 6:00pm -12:00 am. I remember playing some kind of Draw a stickman game on my mom’s phone to cope. I wonder if my brother remembers that day. He brought a lot of water. 
    I couldn’t say the word “peanut” without bursting into tears for years after that. 
    I stopped touching doorknobs and surfaces in our kitchen because my dad refused to give up nuts-and would scare me with them intentionally. My mom couldn’t reason with him.
    Strangely- 3 years after this horrific reaction-my peanut allergy inadvertently saved my life -or at least the Epi pens for it did. When I went outside to see the new fence my parents had put up, and a tick came in with me. Found it embedded in my left upper leg one day later-lone star, shining white spot. I dug it out in a panic. My mom had previously wondered if my illness was post-Lyme disease given my health decline after a move & lots of bites. 
    Six weeks later I began to get a little shortness of breath and hives. I first noticed it on a day I’d eaten a piece of battered chicken found in the fridge. My dad had just visited my grandma, perhaps this piece of meat had been fried in peanut oil and brought from her house? How could I have so recklessly eaten it? I asked my mom about the meat. It was mom’s cooking. I said nothing and internally quivered. 
    Then a day or so later I went into a worse breathing difficulty episode, this one so bad witnessed by my parents. 
    Then another episode so bad after I baked some blueberry muffins. Suffocating and hives 30 minutes later. My mom hit me with the Epi-pen as I screamed “NO!”,  thinking it would hurt (I didn’t feel the needle at all) and to the ER we rode. 
    Then a few days later, I ate ( some homemade white bread, I think?) I was suffocating again with hives and ER repeat while we waited on an appointment with the new allergist. I’d made lists of everything I’d eaten on the days of the reactions. I thought perhaps it was “histamine intolerance” because I reacted to everything and was nearly starving to survive.
    On the first allergist visit he asked me if I'd had any recent tick bites. My jaw dropped and I almost screamed “Yes, with a white spot on its back, on my leg! I still have the scab!?”
    “DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?” the quiet doctor who barely could make eye contact nearly screamed in satisfaction.
    I said no. Then he explained Alpha-gal allergy, and said he was almost certain that was what was happening to me. 
    He ran the labs and it proved true. 
    I was insanely hyperreactive. I’d not even had any directly dairy/mammal based food on the ER days. It was the white sugar which contained cow-bone-char from the bleaching process. 
    So my diet for 2.5 years was 10-20 raw/whole foods that we had to inquire about the processing of. Delicious things! Just very few of them. And every product I touched we had to contact manufacturers over. So that sums up my experience with the Alpha-Gal allergy adventure. 
    It's still hard for me to grasp. I was nearly medically kidnapped. After almost dying in the pediatric ICU. Removed from my home for three months. Held in the psych unit of the hospital (the patients never hurt me, but some threw things, flipped chairs, and screamed. There was this dark forest painted solitary confinement room the UNC nurses would lock the kids in when they were getting violent or rowdy. They'd give them sedative drugs, watch them via a camera and speak to them through a speaker. It was horrible to witness. I just stayed near the nurse station and did art/crafts where things were most peaceful/safe). Apparently this kind of thing/being blamed by doctors is common in children with EDS.  I am so grateful this can never happen again. But I did have fun drawing people’s pets and decorating the hospitals. And the nurses adopted me. ❤️
    I was (freed?) discharged in 2018, though sicker than ever and with a rather apparent abnormal stunting, but thankfully having at last outgrown the food allergies. 
    I would never darken the doors of doctors ever again. My age and gender have made medical care a nightmare. I was wrong. 2020 came, along with my body breaking entirely and undeniably. When my throat closed off, I was limping regularly, had seizures, and relented. So in 2020 me and my medical PTSD became a chronic customer of doctors.  Thankfully by this time I’d learned how to advocate for myself (MyChart messages, photographs, printed notes), read my own results, DDXs + visit notes & do my own research. And question everything. 
     
    My disease diagnoses matter more than I can say. 
    The almost six years of blame…the shame-stamp of a mental health misdiagnosis that many doctors got off the diagnostic hook with. Even knowing they were wrong, I blamed myself. Hospital hostage, underage, underweight. Medical gaslighting. I hear about people with early diagnosed genetic diseases and ponder what kind of medical care they must get. 
     
    Edit: I am also so grateful for answers as my exdad used to accuse me of faking being sick for attention/because it was inconvenient for him. Then after the long hospital stay he treated me like an object of shame. I only realized last year that he never once called me during those three months, only came briefly with my mom and brother.
     
    I so heavily relate to Amy Pond from Doctor Who.
    Waiting on doctors for years

     
    Told things weren't real

     
    But where is the crack in the universe that was sucking my life away? There was one in my old room we could never keep patched on the left corner of the door frame, humorously. Yay for moving from that house, haha!
     
    I’m free, my record is clean, my name is redeemed and I have a chance at equal care?! 
    *joytears*
     In other glorious news, I also finally have a referral to the Duke NET clinic now. I hope they'll accept my disaster case. I’m burning down bodily daily but am like 82lbs of unrefined desire to live! Closer to proper care than ever before! 
    I can never express my gratitude for my mom managing all the appointments and driving me 3-4 hours (one way) on her days off every so often. And now monitoring/recording my vitals after I attempt a meal and it mugs me instead. 🫠
    “Though hope is frail, it’s hard to kill.”
    “And I don't really care if nobody else believes,
    'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me”
    General goofery and jollytimes to attain equilibrium and good-spirits to sign off with!:

    (P.S. Sadly I did not knit the groundhog, 'tis a GIF. Also, more importantly many wellwishes from Mum)
  19. Mushy the Mushroom

    FaceFaceMask Tutorial and Other Weirdness

    By Mushy the Mushroom,


    nothing more mortifying that reading your own content
    Just a vague tutorial, recent random artstuffspam and things.
    So a lot of months ago I made a mini costume 3D face-face mask just to see if it was possible. 
    Wanted to try again on a larger one for someone else aka my mom the test subject, so here’s how to make one, if you’d like.
    Supplies:
    One cotton face mask that matches the skin tone of the human model. I used a one-layer mask so the paint wouldn’t stain the lining. Paint mask before sewing to lining for multiple layers.
    Acrylic or fabric paints and paintbrushes. 
    A photo of the lower face.
    Iron to heat-set your paint (If using acrylics).
    A phone, tablet or computer screen to display the photo of the face.
    Tracing paper or parchment paper.
    Tape.
    Measuring tape.
    A round surface to place under the mask as you paint. I used a round tailor’s ham, taped cotton balls into a nose shape, and covered it in a plastic bag. I pinned the mask onto it.


    Take a straight-on photo of the face you wish to replicate. Now, on the human model,  use the measuring tape to ascertain the width of their nose. 
    Next, measure the width and length of their mouth/smile. Finally, measure the width between the top of the mouth and the bottom of the nose.
    Open the photo of the face and zoom in/out until the dimensions match the real face measurements. Tape the tracing paper on the screen and outline the details with pencil. 
    Cut out the nose and mouth paper pieces and pin/tape to the mask. It may be advisable to try the mask on the human model for accurate feature positioning. Trace the outlines and add the details. 
    Then paint. I thinned my paint with some water to prevent cracking.  Add various spots and dots on the skin for a pore-like effect. Let dry between layers. Dry fully and iron to heat-set if you’ve used acrylics. 
    Behold your frightening creation.
    Paint time on 2nd attempt: 4hrs.
     
    9X12 acrylic that I barely finished for greeting cards.
    Drawing time:? Paint time: 40hrs.

    And some gifts. Started them too late so they were kind of rushed. 

    (The wallet was made from a 20+year old leather jacket and sewn on the Needle-Launching-Monster. It was weird making one without destroying the fingers while trying to badly hand sew the leather with an embroidery needle. XD  The envelope bag was made from an upholstery swatch, and the tiny red dress was for Pops. Drafted the deer plushies to resemble some 2d painted leather ornaments made in times past.)

     
    And just a few old things turned into new stuffs. 

    Yes, a mushroom hat. Because, why not?
    And the excessive amount of tailor's press tools made for couture sewing. I still don't get why they were named after meat products. Who looks at a ham or a sausage and is like "I can iron on that."?


    And hello from tiny rhino.
    (Carved and painted, before/after.)

     
    And hi from this lovely little slug who keeps breaking into our house.
     
     

    Also seems fun to sum up the past year, probably with poor writing and excess honest information. Because, why not abuse the free blog privileges?
     
    2020 started with adopting a mutt puppy, a violent stray, who terrorized us in our home for 2 months. He currently resides in an enclosure we built outdoors, so things are peaceful and our little dogs are safe again.
    My brother graduated from college in February and moved relatively far away for work. The job became online-based one month later. Yay for Facetime. XD
    My dad lost his job during the shutdowns. He now works locally and lives at home (instead of airports/traveling/hotel living six days per week). He seems a lot happier now.
    My mom and I had to leave our church. ( Hint: It’s in a kind of bad area. Once a homeless dude was secretly living in the church gym and ordering pizzas, and nobody noticed for a surprisingly long time. XD)
    My joints are now musical and make me limp around occasionally. My face has become reddish and disproportionately swollen. My skin has become uncharacteristically yellowish. Some days it hurts too much to move/get off the couch. And other stuff. And now I take a multivitamin made for old people because it doesn’t contain iron.
    Conclusion: Seeing all the stuff about 2020 seniors made me see I was a senior citizen in 2020.
    Also learned I have a blood type that’s supposedly “impossible” based on my parents’ blood groups. So I was either accidentally switched at birth or some kind of gene mutation occurred. 
    And recently had an entertaining toxic reaction to local dental anesthetic containing epinephrine. My legs started shaking and a minute later I started violently convulsing, gasping, my throat constricted, I collapsed and my face turned scarlet, all when they had the drill in my mouth. The hygienist initially thought I died and ran outside to get my mom. The chip filling immediately fell out and they had to redo it. I was in a lethargy state for 2 days after the shot...Then the filling came out one week later and they replaced it again. It was fine without the epinephrine, which is weird because it never caused bad reactions before this. I feel horrible for frightening them so…The best part: The filling just fell out again. *Facepalm* I’m keeping it this way for now, as it seems somewhat dangerous and highly embarrassing to have it repaired again. PIRATE STYLE. Very thankful for masks!
    We still aren’t fully sure what’s causing it all. We have suspicions, but apparently referrals take a long time. But when I have the energy, I’m free to do all the artstuffs and things. I am so thankful for my mom and it’s awesome to get to spend time with her, but I have guilt about being burdensome. :/ But one day, “The knowing will come”.  Oooor hopefully, maybe, whatever it is will just go away on its own. It’s all good~ 
     
    And miscellaneous good stuffs have happened too.
    I rediscovered LEGO and BZPower. So much nostalgia, I love that this old place still exists. 
    Covid shutdowns didn’t affect my social life at all. I was pretty much a hermit before. XD 
    I haven’t redeveloped any food allergies. The anaphylaxis was either idiopathic/a bi-product of other health problems. *happydance*
    Shutdowns are a new excuse for a creative renaissance. ARTSTUFFS. Online tutorial series, yay!
    2020 was personally a tiny bit bad but mostly rad.
    Anyway, apologies to anyone who read through this rather prolix entry.
     May your 2021 be a great one! 

     
  21. Mushy the Mushroom

    Art, Archery, & Antiquated Attire

    By Mushy the Mushroom,


    nothing more mortifying that reading your own content
    Pencil pictures,  9x12s on watercolor paper. First try at using a mechanical pencil after basic shading and stuff with Ticonderogas . Probably a frowned upon method (?) but it bringeth this uneducated one much joy.  (Topic for the one.)   In September my mom bestowed these tapestry runners to me for fun dissection, destruction and dismemberment. Later became a laced bodice thanks to an old waterbed sheet, leather scraps and ribbon from my grandma’s basement.   Then it needed a dress as a friend. Wanted to make a more accurately fitted muslin because the one I did in [redacted,] and was exceedingly barbaric and based solely off tidbits of info found on Pinterest (cringe-inducing lack of ease reference, marked seamlines and notches.) Finally made life size measurement “maps” of meself and my peoples. 2d tracing and position marking to aid with shoulder slope, then separate charts with about twenty 3D measurements.  Thanks family, for being gracious Vitruvian volunteers. Apparently a lot of humans have mismatched  shoulder slopes.  (Thanks ER, for the recent scoliosis diagnosis. Would have been baffling without such insight. )
      Decided to draft an asymmetrical shoulder/torso pattern instead of using one shoulder pad. Did about 5” of total wearing ease for semi loose fit. First attempt at elbow darts (these are a thing?). Hand-draped sleeves for non-wrinkled cap shape, but not quite right yet (too feeble to do stuff + doing it anyway due to reckless inspiration =  a disgraceful quality of work but a very happy distraction) Expansions for shoulder mobility. Strangely, superglue seems to be the only glue or tape that will stick permanently on baking parchment paper (?). The ~elegance~ of the second test garment made with a mouse-chewed sheet and expanded with masking tape: Finished dress:  Made from 3 yards of thin upholstery fabric from art scrap store.  Balanced dart technique , 3.5x gathered skirt, fully lined (method ), invisi-zip. Prick- stitched facing was kind of a fail, didn’t intend to make an outer facing but forgot, so rolled with it. The slight sleeve cap gathers are also my mistake (Positioned them ~1” too far back).  Archery Gear: The results of my dad finding a new old bow and me remembering how fun it was to shoot the toy one.  Thus I learned about string slap the hard way... Did anyone else think that bracers were LotR fashion that had no practical use? ._.      . Bracer with handsewn leather loops because of a lack of long leather eyelets. Based roughly off Etsy listing photos, made test subjects from old jeans first.  Leather from the marvelous bin at the art scrap store.Dropped the awl in the process and the 1840s needle tip snapped and soared across the room. ._. Partially sewn with Needle Launching Monster (China Leather Shoe Patcher) Draw hand finger guard, handsewn.   Quiver. When eccentric thoughts materialize and you end up cradling arrows in a mock California Sugar Pine cone. (Based off this Reddit user’s  image. Can I link to Reddit? is that okay now? Sorry if not.) The cone scales are made from acrylic painted scraps of the leather jacket (this, my shoes and my brothers wallet all match now...Awkward? XD). Neoprene glued+ sewn on with the NLM/CLSP. Innards are thicker leather with rubber stabilizer at the top band, the end is veg tan leather. Sewn with hand cross-stiches and layered scales with glue. Sewed on a three point strap. Just made with bag sliders (Seemed more convenient than ordering the right things). (Only own two arrows currently. ) Took acetone to the decals of the arrows and removed the rubber fletch things. Followed this dude's tutorial for feather fletching except with e6000 glue instead. Used some abandoned feathers from my Muscovies.   (Looks pretty bad around the sleeves- the error of drafting a dress after the outer bodice. Fail-learning journey .) For hunting a box of pine straw and rocks.  Archery was admittedly an absurd thing to consider right now, but sometimes I’m mostly/somewhat ambulatory, so yay anyway. 'Twill be used one day.    Pants and a fake cat for my mom.  The cat head/face pattern needs some refinement next time. Little leather paws and thread whiskers. Didn’t have plush weights, used airsoft BBs instead.      The baby. Polo shirt gnome bonnet, gown from the good parts of the rat-chewed sheet.    Polo shirt attire + spoon + 99 cent tote for a boat + mom breathlessly blowing bubbles by the bank =   Both the baby and the phone nearly went overboard. *rubber boots, soaked anyway*   Did you ever make rafts as a child?    I remember getting stoked about them and my parents made my brother help with one when we were [redacted] and 10. He wasn’t fond of the experience, so switched to raftdrafting alone. I think only one was stable enough for human use. Their flimsy remains lay in the bottom of the pond to this day. XD Our dad, ever since that day: “If I’m ever gone, my daughter gets the tools, and my son gets her phone number.”  ...not sure if that’s supposed to be a bad thing or not, but sounds like a sweet deal? -Heads- Recently decapitated an elf doll to remake it. The cotton fabric I had clashed with the head, so painted it with watered down acrylics and heat set it.  My mom: What’s in the drier? Me: A body.    Removed the original face paint, was going for a more Studio Ghilbi style. The outfit is kind of rubbish, made the clothes for another doll at 14. Just decided to add new lace and made some slapdash leather boots.    I have two heads now. Not like this, or the Rebis.... ...but a foam one for hat making....   Dress form is now renamed Taun We.  Okay, done spam-bling now, sorry and salutations!
             
  22. Mushy the Mushroom
    ‘Ello! Can’t sleep, might as well pile it up in a big blog heap. 
    9x12, Ticonderoga, mechanical pencil, watercolor paper.
    Unknown public-domain-reference subjects, except one with my grandma’s floofy dog + mysterious dog, presumably from another relative...? 

     


    I did a bad thing. 
    Sneaked down the street and stole a sign at 11 at night. 
    Forgot the wire cutters, took a second trip with double the fright. 
    Drew the cat, zip tied the sign back.
    Got up the nerve to be that weirdo who texted and said I could drop off the art at their driveway.
    They also found him later that day and took the posters off display. 
    Yay!
    …I just wonder if they noticed that the zip ties changed colors. 

     
    Where I mirthfully threw 16 hrs of my life:
    Baby Bloom!

     
    (Bistro chair +rubber wire around arms + megaflower + footstool)
    Fulfilled my dream of honoring this background character from Toy Story 3. I hadn’t the wits to make her from old ballet tights and yellow balloons then, it was time for another spin. Also based on the 10-petaled “false sunflower”, the Smooth Oxeye. 

    Made from cotton, a wig-size wad of vintage ribbon from my grandma’s abnormally well-stocked basement, sweatshirt knit, press-on snaps, steam-a-seam, handsewn hook-and-eyes. Quilted-style leafwings. 


     
     
    Stump scene dump! Do you love a good stump?
    I've been keen on them since way back when.. Was fantastically disappointed when barred from bringing dear Holly Stump as seating during that one firework night. Such chairs they are! Most pleased to see society embrace them and welcome them into their homes at last. 
    When there’s no sister to be subject to shoots, one thing leads to another and pumpkins are places where there should be faces? 
    (Shhhhh, pretend winter. Twas 75 degrees)

     
    Monarch madness, Poor pup!
    Sharpie, porcelain marker, 3D butterflies made from foamy sheets and wire.
    And bonus goat in a coat on the other side.
    Sharpie, + leftover knitted yarns from pom pom trim. 

     
    Achild from acorn squash. 
    Stopmotion
    Effort level: You’re becoming food in a few days. Want to become a nontoxic friend until then? Maybe with a wee Viking vibe. 
    3M double-sided tape, pickle jar base, foam sheets, shipping foam tube arms, dress from harvested shipping paper, leftover fur from that same, ever-lasting, leather jackpot jacket that generated shoes, a wallet and quiver. 
    Unsightly stopmotion hand, none of this ever is properly planned.
    Props: Pompoms from leftover yarns from the scarf things and sock cuffs, 
    Campfire circa ages ago.. Felt fire and logs from a painted sheet. Rock ring from tee shirts. Couldn’t find the little felt marshmallow man on a stick, subbed with tiny poker made by the ancient blacksmith villager man. He gave custom, name-stamped ones to the random little peoples who watched the smiths. Such a legend. 
     

    Brace sizing gap alterations. Hand punched and hand sewn loops. Terribly grateful something stops the knees from the ~20-per-hour snaps!  ISO: Real exoskeleton. Maybe the Stormtrooper kind. 

    Horsies! 
    But not actual ones. My spindly friend.

     
    When your dad volunteers as the tribute pony....We brought home my grandmother’s old riding cart for restoration, but this is the closest we've gotten to achieving that. She would be livid…haha. I cannot believe I get to go for pseudowalks down the street again! He needs a horse head mask ever so much, many ridiculous ideas brewing. But neighbors might call 911 if they saw that. Have to sometimes appear normal, I suppose.?
     
    Fairy Gourdfather forwards fall felicitations to you all! 
    Is that word used decently? Love a posh new word but scarcely know how to wield them. 

    PS: Does video link embedding not work now for anyone else? It used to automatically do it for me, but now it gives an error code.
     
  24. Mushy the Mushroom
    Upholstery from $10 hotel chairs from a market years ago, store display crib mattress foam, brown astroturf(?) rolls someone abandoned behind the store where my dad works (people dump the oddest articles there, once even a freezer still full) , PUL scraps, spray adhesive, garage spray paint and two $5 blankets.
    ~63 hours for two chairs.

    My mom
    Never any money for house things or what she needs.
    It gets to me.
    I cannot buy it...make it? I'll try it!
    Before: (Extra one)

     
    Astroturf later stapled and sewn on first. Spent a lot of hours sewing this before it occurred to my mom what this material actually was... I accidentally upholstered with astroturf...proud of my observation skills here.

    The PUL layer with velcro attachments. Only the hook-side needed since the turf clings. elastic and velcro on the cushions. This was initially intended as a final layer due to a lack of fabric funds.  Carefully patterned it & realized it looked rubbish.
    Gnawing off the leg varnish & paint took longer than anticipated despite the magic power tools.

    My dad brought two blankets home.
    Bingo!
    Removable layer two, pattern new.

    Uncanny cushion design as XL throws only go so far.
    Snap closures.

    Had no paint thinner/stripper, sanded paint from the hinges of my old bookshelf like a barbarian with a dremel drill.  Shaved the sticky door edges off, drilled holes in the clock and shelf and wired to the back, screwed shelves down like a setup hypochondriac. In honor of her recently inherited heirloom Hummels. Showered & shined in a salad bowl. *no pressure at all*
    She went shopping, surprise setup time.
    *shoved long-lacking quarter-round along this wall*
    *rug to hide the peeling up fail floor*
    *going to replace yellow bells with eternal imposters later*
    *finished 5-10 minutes before her return and fell over in bone shattering exhaustion with zero regrets*
     

    Peculiar curtain hanging as peppery Pug twirls amongst them.
     
     
    Tissue paper, origami squares, feathers. 
    Wasn’t intended to look like an Easter egg! 
    Sakura Lanterns made from poster board and construction paper… years ago, sides resewn.
    Couldn't walk after this setup
     
     

    Buttermint dough baby dino in a Shroom Sylva sprinkle storm. 
    There’s a lemon cheesecake she’s guarding under the grounds there. I sadly do not possess frosting finesse.
    *buttermint dough fractures, but chosen for flavor. The claws and spiky dino bits are sprinkles shoved into holes I gouged with toothpicks.I think it took about 5-6 hours to do the decorating part?

     
    [not pictured: my mom sobbing as I tell her only she may slay the dragon]

    Still too sick to eat cake, got to bake it at least!
     
    Honey Badger greets ya with a smile as warm as his pizza!

    (Small doodle one in honor of my dad’s cheerful, young coworker, Adger. Twas his nickname. COVID took him. ) 
    Artgift & Fixatif
     
    *hundreds more to go*

    Beloved balloons bring impromptu romps.

    The bird's name is Betty BTW.
     
    Their songs still spin on (this is non-fiction!)
     

    May your equinox rock!

  25. Mushy the Mushroom
    A Curious Collection of Child-Created Plushies 
    (A photo backlog blog with redundant writing style. Compiled during the precious few minutes of freetime in the car. Editing sponsored by poor quality control and insomnia.)

    Once upon a world ago, when I first began teaching myself to sew and draft patterns for plush toys, my mom mentioned I should take a photo with myself and all these curious critters I’d dreamed (dragged?) into existence.
    At the time I said I couldn’t because they were yet-to-be-given gifts and a group gathering would risk ruining the surprise. 
    There are individual photos stashed away on some forgotten/lost USBs somewhere. 
    Many of these plush people were deployed to grandmothers, distant family others, but most rest with parents and brother. Clusters stand guard about the house, but they’re preponderantly a trunk troop these days. Today they’ve assembled for photo play.
    I used to feel guilty over giving these because they were all only plushies-and I had no knowledge of how to sew/make anything else for gifts, this was all I knew to do to show my love for my people. How gracious were the recipients-nobody ever laughed. I used to be so terribly afraid I’d not have time to make gifts when grown, as I was incredibly slow, and for some reason would always attempt to make 3 plush toys each for both my parents and brother every Christmas.  I usually started pouring over them as soon as the year began and it was entertainment grand in the midst of flipped sleep.
    To this day I’ve never followed a store-bought/premade pattern, didn’t think to look up real methods/books for sewing, and some of these funny friends are a testimony of how much that would have improved the quality therein, instead of merely human patience. Felt sheets, as one may observe, falls victim to fuzzing quite frightfully with wear.
    Prior to all this: 
    *why …do we still… have this 😆*

    ...I gave my dad... a trash bag...?
    And so it begins with pre-sewing machine makes: the Towel Totoro with painted details (made a V2 towel totoro and gave away later, but lost photos) Senior the Owl (Señor was what I meant, made for my bro’s birthday. ), Valentine dino for bro, Giant Microbes E.coli plush attempt for my bro’s Christmas gift. 

    Hamel the Camel- also pre-sewing machine. 
    From one cured ham sack (body) One soccer sock (head/neck), two glove fingertips (ears),four small sock legs and startling sharpie button eyes. 

    Drink can, black ballet tights, two packing peanut plush. And George the Towel Bear, first thing done by machine. Gave him to my dad.

    Little early-makes ornaments and stocking stuffers for family.
     

    Mother owl + candy cane stocking stuffer for brother. 

    Trio of Snow, from so long ago!

    One of my first sewing machine projects and 3D plush drafts. I remember taking forever hand sewing the limbs and head on. For my dad’s Christmas gift.

    Elephant plush and Felt camel. Camel’s blanket woven on my mini-loom.

    Felt dolly stocking stuffer and tee shirt Pusheen, one the first couple plushies sewn by machine. A heavy kitty, filled with fabric scraps.

    Gray pup and Snaily. Snaily was a first-machine-year project for my mom’s Christmas. Sewn during summer sick-insomnia nights. 

    Christmas chameleon for my bro and deer for a parent, cannot remember which one. 😆

    Fleece dolphin, very early attempt.

    Sebastian the Seahorse for Sam, my bro + a stubby rendition of Mr. Narwhal from Elf for my dad. 

    Easter Eggbunnies + Father’s Day dog made from pants. 

    Three-toed sloth + mousey for somebody in my family. 

    Sherpa Panda for my mom’s winter gift.

    Bro’s penguin and goldfish. Made the functional fishing pole from a chopstick, metallic tape, a bobbin, pony bead and paperclip a couple years ago for fun,  and these two became a crew. 

    Stocking stuffers for my family because youngling me saw skinny stockings as sad. And felt was the only material I really had.

    Peachy the Pear and Peary the Peach- the main characters of my “Fruity Friends”-A drawing of a googly-eyed fruit basket gang. I think these were for my dad? Made Bob the Banana for him a couple years prior to this, but he was lost along the way. RIP Bob. 
    And a first-year-machine-sewn kawaii cone for my mom. I used to be afraid to tie the hand sewing thread knots myself, and I remember covering the plush up and asking my mom to tie off the visible bit. On her own gifts. 
     

    “Uglydolls”, the happy little weirdos. Some were designed to look sort of identical to the actual “Uglydolls” brand, some are custom. (Just learned that there is an Uglydolls movie now that I have not seen, so I feel odd about posting these having no idea what’s it’s about 🙈)
    1: Uglywalrus- Custom critter for walrus-fan bro. 2:Uglydolls “Groody” for bro
    3: Uglydolls “Uglyworm” for bro
    4: Uglydolls “Wage” (custom color) for my dad
    5: Uglydolls Icebat (made from my old fleece sweatshirt) that I kept.  Bionicle icebats?
    6: Custom WinterUgly for my mom. 


    More custom Uglydolls for my bro. Giant (Scoliosis?) Ugly with Velcro pearsnack, and Pixel the Xbox gamer. 

    My bro and I were once obsessed with Giant microbes plushies, prompting me to donate this Plasma to him. Made from my old unsightly dress. 
    And some SCARY first attempt microbes plushies I made for him years before. The sock Fat Cell and the glove Amoeba, complete with hot glued, cabinet-door stopper eyes. 

    Minion plush for bro’s birthday. Made on knitting looms with sewn on felt eyes, details and extremities.

    Platypus plushie for my dad. Made with knitting needles and a loose loom for the main body. Plus a pompom body + felt foot and bill baby duck.

    A happy ragdolly for my mom’s birthday (?). Designed to resemble her favorite childhood doll who once survived a sharpie to the face.

    Mom’s Matryoshka Nesting doll pillow + test subject curtain rag doll I never finished.

    Coral-inspired Martian doll for my mom. And “The Beautiful Pear Bird”-for my brother, designed from his iconic Pear Bird artwork.

    Sphere Squiddies! I stalked Etsy plushies late at night during a severely-sick-insomnia-summer and tried to copy some Octopi. I couldn’t fit eight legs on mine! First lopsidey mustache one bestowed upon bro, last two done later for my mom.
     

    Corduroy Croc. Inspired by this Land Of Nod (questionable name..?) toy magazine that came to our house once with the most magical plush toys in it. Tried to copy the critter using my dad’s old pants. For my bro.

    Bulldog for my dad. Has a red collar I forgot to slide on. 


    Jenny giraffe for my mom. 

     
    Teacup Piggy for Mother’s Day gift.

    Spike our Puggy and Penny, my mom’s favorite former pet in plush form (except the dress!). Both for her.


    Snoopy for my dad, weighted with beads. 

    Blanket stitch goat and painted fabric dog made for doll photo shoots + mini ornament of “scrappy do” -my bro’s childhood Meerkat toy.

     
    Flower with a plastic straw sewn in stem for stability, plush from printed fabric, and blanket stitched doll things (sandwiches, campfires and bears, oh my!)

    Little seed bead clawed skunk and a bun for parents.

    Canvas dogs for Dad. Painted bulldog +beady toes

    Brother’s blue lobster

    Koala-for a parent, which one is not apparent, though.

    Bobbeh- the friendly, enthusiastically southern catfish character concoction of my bro and I. Made for his birthday one year, RIP to the matching Bobbeh card. 

    Krunchy Kronch Donut Dudes! When my bro was in college, he took a game design class and his group created Krunchy Kronch-a 2D game of these ferocious donuts rolling through a city, avoiding obstacles in a Mario World fashion. Recreated the characters in felt for his birthday. Hand painted acrylic and ribbon tags. Made the box from poster board.


    HUNGRY
    A faux suede turtle plush drafted for my dad one Father’s Day or birthday. Bead toes. The  shell is removable and handsewn faux leather. I had no idea one should punch holes in leather prior to sewing and destroyed my digits forcing an ordinary sewing needle through it. This was one of the hardest plush toys I remember doing.

    John Carter Woola drafted for my dad. Tiny teeth.

    Bro’s BB8 + baby robot stocking stuffer. These robros have made an appearance here prior, though.

    Drafting a Dalek was a daring endeavor. Painted eye stock thing, I believe I stabilized the arms and such with a plastic coffee stir/straw. First time using screw-on plush eyes, for the body's bubbly bits.

    Despite the household ban on Pokémon games, my bro fancied Pikachu so I drafted this one. From a tee shirt and felt.

    Wheatley from Portal 2, a plush drafted in the  first summer of “real sewing” with a machine. I studied photos from Google all through the very bad sicknights and this was the result. He is a bit of a flatter sphere shape than intended. His frontal handle things are stabilized with disposable plastic straws. I’ll never forget my bro’s happy face when he saw its lopsided body.  Still, I’d rather run than stay when giving a gift to someone. So frightening to just sit there.

    Felt Kokeshi Momiji doll for my mom.

    Baymax for my brother with an acrylic painted tag. And a quick little Portal 2 dude whose quality I wasn't even proud of at the time.

    Felt Bionicle Jala/Jaller/I still am confused.. made for my bro for Christmas years ago. Stiff felt, non-stiff felt I made firm with glue, sharpie stains, but he didn’t complain ($40 for a McDonald’s toy was an unfathomable fortune…you can buy so many bananas for that...).

     
    And 4ft( ? memory gone at this point ish Adi adipose who appeared here not too long ago! 
    His limbs are bafflingly long compared to those in the TV show. 
     

    Croissant crab crew for my dad.

    And more recent plush designs. 
    A henna based on our dozen hug-hungry Golden Comets. From scraps.

     
      Nursery scrap dolls for our old church and elephant baby toys for some church babies.

     
    Toady! A turtle. A recreation of my favorite lost plushie from years ago (LPS Turtle). A fan of bonnets indeed. Every green creature is a good creature.


    *one eternity later*
    The swarm…

    Scares me to think of how big it would be including the ones dumped on other relatives 🙈

    “Mom remember how you said [insert direct exact quote about group plush photo] years and years ago? I finally did it, thanks for the idea!”
    Her: “Haha, what?”

     
    **tucks them back into a trunk..*
    *...okay.. some didn’t fit.
    How foreign life is from when these shots were snapped four months ago, that day after it began to undeniably unfold. Strange how snapshots hide that you're shaking. How sweet is truth after a life of forced faking. We had to just go. Why won’t the wounded let the tears show? Maybe one day it will be safe to let some stories go. Fright and flight, for we embark upon a new, happy, free life! 
    For I’ve never been so grateful for a sink with running water (instead of a garden hose), a real mattress with sheets (and not a tiny shared air bed), a kitchen, rooms with walls and doors, that hairbrush I thought was lost in the shuffle, not accidentally losing a finger today, shop-vacs, surviving it all over the past four weeks with Covid, and mainly, for the safe and selfless people in this world. Here’s to anyone who is struggling or uprooted in any area.. or every. You are not alone.
    Peace and joy to you all. And thanks to all here who make BZP feel like a home. 
    Off to roam!
    PS:

     
     
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