Ghidora131

All those fancy Piraka with their sweet spines...... Uh, what? oh, I'm fine without a spine. Spines are for sissies & vertebrates. Pfft. They have spleens so they can... I mean, so it is possible to... Ah, go write a book about it.

OK, someone remembered the RPG I was doing. I'd better address that. I have noticed that, throughout BIONICLE history, any large city that has something to do with Toa is a target for an opposing major force. I know that was for the sake of convenience, so that Toa cold be involved somehow, but it happened. The main reason for the main character(if it is Kihohiki you refer to) is to present the idea of there being this incredibly massive city, with a powerful, intelligent and preparing ex-Toa guarding it and controlling it, and(I hate to reveal this early, but it seems I have to) the city is quite heavily guarded anyway, with weaponry so powerful, I can't talk about it yet. But, to ensure that this city doesn't become an impenetrable fortress, it has become a top priority to have many Toa in the city, to make them do most of the actual fighting. This Turaga, being as smart as he is, made his political system as small and secure as could possibly be, dwindling down to a few Turaga and himself, who each look out for any intercepted messages, possible leaked information, etc. And, just in case people belive Kihohiki is too strong, I have made him a Turaga, allowing me to make(no offence to any persons whatsoever) the worst stereotypically elderly things happen at the worst time, allowing him to be defeated, beaten, etc, but only by pre-made characters critical to the story. And the fancy house? This is Rinozz we're talking about, and he has an ego bigger than mount Everest. He believes that he, and his household, are invincible just because they are super strong, even though they have been beaten up before, and that house has been wrecked several times. My presentation of the RPG is terrible, I admit, but I've never done this before. Why, do you ask, am I not writing this from character perspective, for a more interesting story? That description is for in front of the judges, who I presume will see this posted somewhere else. If It is that the entry I placed here is the final one, I will immediately fix that. Also, on the NPCs: they are flat and one-dimensional so they will leave more available space to fill by the playable characters For your final critique, I say this:that was posted right after I listed the sentence on kanohi. I don't know much on the Kanohi, and if there's something I don't understand, i'll consult BZP officials. And to sum it all up, thank you. If there is any way I can make this better, i'll take it.

Yes, you can post here. We need as much feedback on this as we can, to see what to improve. And don't worry about it stopping. we'll be out with the next chapter before you can re-write the entire English dictionary in Swahili!

Well, I will answer both those questions right now. I will use my ability to travel to my pocket dimension in the upcoming RPG(credit to The Lorax), and be safe. Also, that RPG he's doing: I'm the hero in it. You can see what I mean in the RPG planning topic, 22nd page.

Was recalled because it featured the aliens SETI, the UN and HASBRO accidentally declared war on. Milkshakes

From my view of it, it seems a bit uncontrollable. First of all, if you are counting some fan made dimensions, and all the pre-existing dimensions, that leaves you with a lot of room to take care of. It would make you much, much more busy than in citd. There, you did a fraction of what you will have to do, and eventually narrowed it down to about five people who were significant. in this, however, you played it in reverse. You'll start everyone off as a giant group, but it seems they will eventually wander off, and may "accidentally" come up with story pieces that don't make sense(like I did, sorry about that), and then you have to rush around fixing everything until it's in proper order. With everything as it is, and only you knowing the actual point of it all, it seems very hard to do it by yourself. Now that I'm done criticizing you, i'll praise you. First of all, having Vezon as the main villain in all of this is incredible. With an insane mind like his to work with, your limits are very, very far off. Second, on my earlier statement: If you think that you have the ability to track everyone across different dimensions all while plotting more for them to fall through, then congratulations! You are very talented, Lorax, and despite this being the critic section, I wish you the best of luck!

Well, while I wait for more feedback from the first RPG, i'll try again.... Eternal war: Doomsday Now, before you go hatin' this one too, let me explain: Eternal war involves a completely different storyline, but revolves around the same time zone. There will be a lot of similar elements involved, but it's not the same. Here we go again: This game revolves around the largest city ever constructed, even bigger than Metru nui. The city is known as Spherus nui, and is the main target of most of the remaining major forces on the planet. Despised by the order, and hated by the hunters, this city is filled to the brim with Defenses, Weaponry, Energy supplies, and Hidden threats. Not to reveal too much data on this, but there is a completely new villain in this storyline, so don't expect to see Teridax any time soon(sob). The entire city is lead by the Turaga council, and really controlled by Turaga Kihohiki. He is a stern, hot-headed intelligent Turaga who is famed for being the most powerful sound Toa history ever recorded. Even though his power is lowered, he is still strong enough to create near-inpenetrable sound shields of any size. He is the only one who knows what real threats exist against the city, and which ones are the most dangerous. Now, the layout of the city is almost entirely accessible. You have the entire city's border, protected by a strong energy field created by generators inside the city. Then there is the Industrial District, in which the most massive amounts of steel are produced. The public area consists of all homes, parks, the well*, and much more. And the city center has the skyscrapers, all other businesses, the City shieldscraper(the tallest building in the city), and a little bit more. The one unprotected building in the city lies just on the outskirts of the energy field, which is the Ridicculum estate. It is by far the fanciest building in the entire city, and is one of the most important story-wise. Characters that enter the story start on the Outskirts, and can re-enter them to visit the Mountain, but it is very dangerous venturing so far, with ambushes that could occur, and possibly being stuck out until attacks on the city have temporarily ended. Now, the story characters: Turaga Kihohiki Previously explained above. Rinozz du calprius velienticulo He is one of three Matoran to be infected with the super soldier virus, Unium, and succeed. He is incredibly stingy, and is a kind of a hideous appearance, thanks to his mask warping into Radiak's mask from that '08 Bionicle set. He always goes around wearing fancy clothes, and his ego stretches farther than the skyline. He Is as strong as Axonn, and has several Doctoral degrees, including Surgeon. Iok Once an ordinary officer, now the most powerful officer. This Matoran is the second successful attempt in making a super soldier, and was one of the best, not besting Rinozz's strength, though. He was unfortunately homeless, due to an early bombing strike on the city, costing him his home. He now lives with Rinozz. He is kind, caring, and is often regarded as the example of a good Matoran. He wears a Tohunga matoro-blue Kanohi Akaku, non-functioning of course. Tarinia A scholar, this Po-Matoran got injected with Unium as well, and is grieved by what happens to the faliures of the procedure. She is not as strong as the others, but she has a stronger will, getting her into uncomfortable situations. Being the third and final successful attempt as a super soldier, she is not only smaller than the others, but feels a need to stay toghether, like a family, for safety's sake. Montrok This Matoran's concept originally came from this idea. As I mentioned a while ago, He is the largest of the Matoran in the estate, mainly because of his mutated, cylinder form. He is a brilliant scientist, and is at the same strength level as Rinozz. He finds the urge to create devices to destroy the menaces attacking the city, and find a cure for his current form. Vosyth A quiet and cowardly Matoran, Vosyth is more powerful than he realizes. His back took a spiderlike form, and he gained a bit of height thanks to the Unium. He is shy, rarely speaking to anyone, even Tarinia, who he has a special bond with. Ironically, he is courageous during interrogations, and when being faced down by much tougher opponents. Being mostly an annoying piece of baggage, this Matoran is not too critical to the main storyline. Makuta ??? Villain to be revealed. The ???? ???? Also to be revealed. The ???? Big surprise. Whoopee. The characters you can play go as follows: Matoran: Obviously. Toa: Of course you need the protectors. Glatorian: They're allowed in this as well. Skakdi: Just because they're so annoying:P Vahki: Remember: Robotic entity only. No emotion whatsoever. Now, the rules on the mask powers is simple: State the mask power on the character description, and I may approve it. When describing the mask power, describe it plainly. Something I think may be overpowered I will consult with the appropriate BZP staff to see what it is. No faking. And, that's about it. Hope to have this one posted! *About the well: It's not a well, and there's a Matoran deeply involved with it. No one is allowed to access it for any reason, and only Kihohiki can come close to it. It is the most critical location of all, and I- I can't reveal that yet.

Welcome to another hideous part of that quest for the mask of hype! .... Even though it isn't very questy so far. The story consists of the intelligent yet unreasonable Izzun, toa of ice, and the hot-headed yet skilled Jakura, toa of fire. Where we last left off, Jakura was introduced as a Toa depending on the money made off the job he had as a gas station worker, while Izzun was found as a police office requiring a new place to live. A previous attempt to live with Jakura through request failed, with Izzun driving away, depressed. The entire story has been written out in PM, and being such a kind person that I am, I forced Jakura to re-write all of it here. So, grab the rotten tomatoes and a slingshot, it's time for a horror-filled teeth grinding event! Take it away, Jakura!

Granted, but it's only the connector piece. I wish holograms were corrupt.

That sounds oddly specific, not like I usually am. The answer is as simple as Pi x 45. I fuse a tortoise to that piece of bread and call it Charlie. Then I use the natural resources to construct a guided missile, and tie Charlie to it. then, I shoot it off, blowing him up in the process. I proceed to pick up his remains, and fuse them back into a disfigured corpse. I then stuff it full of fuzz and throw it in the water, with a note on its back that reads that a poor little girl is stranded here from the OoMN, with valuable information regarding dark hunters. When the dolts who belive it show up, around five minutes later, I kill them and take their transportation device. The entire process takes about 53 min.

Are mobile nuclear missiles, with self-detonation devices that activate whenever the radio plays Rick Ashley. 80's Mario voice actor

Granted, the blobs are sentient and kill you. I wish I was a better writer, and came up with good stories(unlike my usual terrible ones).

Which doctor? Ahahaha.. That was a good joke. Anyway, the doctor's name is.... DR. MARIO! And yeslightbulbsareextremelyvenemousdontevertouchthemokaybye.

Are in actuality hunting people down, and using their fat reserves as materials for artificial food. Viacom

Well, there you go. Now that pathetic being is the one who's questions get answered. Oh well, here we go: The sky is blue because one day, a Toa of water was walking along, and found the staff of fusion(randomly). she touched it with her water, and it fused her flesh and armor into the sky. And that is why the sky is blue. Kane-ra are fun. They are. So why do they gore people with their horns, Rampage through villages, and cause havoc? To eliminate those who think they are not fun. The order was... Interesting. I mean, Brutaka was a real pain sometimes, but I think it was enjoyable. Just about as enjoyable as getting your nice, happy face run over by a car. So fun. So enjoyable.

IC Daltrahk Daltrahk was infuriated. All his efforts had done was stir the villagers topside to hide in bomb shelters, afraid of a Makuta attack. He was about to blow his top, yet that pre-mentioned instinct still remained: Do it harder. Daltrahk used his power one last time, letting a shrieking scream echo through the caverns, hoping this would work.

No, it's a truth. Tic-tac-toe was invented to make people waste Tic-tac breath mints, by stepping on them in some numerical order. It's the truth! Belive it!

Wow, a handful of answers I must deliver. First of all, thanks for saying your thoughts so kindly, not trying to be harsh at all. Secondly, I did state that the three areas are the ones you are allowed to. As time goes on, the personality of Borag shows(I hope) that he will become more flexible as time goes on, allowing beings to enter larger portions of the ship, until the full layout is revealed. Something I probably should have mentioned is the main characters aren't the only ones that are present. More entities will be discovered in places like the gore, the training field, and (spoiler alert) the hangar bay, ones which are all equal suspects. And don't think I'm out of plot twists yet. You only get a teaspoon of the twenty million gallons that will occur(Hyperbole). And how the heck does someone become a super soldier after being beaten half to death, you might ask? well, as Montrok set the example, it is created with a substance known as Unium, one some will remember in my previous MOCs. It has the ability to wreck a person's life, or make them stronger than Axonn. The suffering, beating and death that occurs is just a test, to see if the person is really that strong enough, both physically and mentally. It also is a time saver, as each being will have different tortures & tests to see if they are enough, saving them the waiting around for something to happen time, and giving opportunities to each player. And finally: I see your point, Lorax, and I have prepared. Everything is sitting around, waiting to be discovered. In this RPG, the players control almost every event. They say when stuff gets discovered, and how. It's up to them to find the people, places, items, etc, I just say what it is they find, control my key characters, and initiate the countdown.

All righty, here's my pathetic second attempt: 12th countdown 12th countdown is a RPG heavily based off of the lorax's City in the dark, which was very successful. I'm not going to say much about it, because the players should figure it out for themselves. What 12th countdown is really about is this: (Dramatic entrance music) You were once a citizen, living on the planet of Spherus magna, after the great spirit Mata nui finished Makuta teridax off for good. Then, for no reason, an unknown force known as the Scientific training and operating program (stop) abducts you for there "scientific" work, attempting to turn you into a super soldier for unknown purposes. You will be faced with finding a way to sneak to the command bay, and discover who is really behind all of it, gaining friends on the way, or eliminating rivals. Eventually, the real threat will come to you, and it will be a stunningly powerful foe in disguise. It's all aboard the orbiting battle station and training field, VEXOLL, where your character will be pushed to the limit to find out what's at play... And can you survive to the 12th countdown? You will start off in you room, a small, slightly futuristic room with everything you could ever "need". You have a raised cot, a separate restroom, and a fridge. In other words, an overly glorified cell. You will have no memory of what previously occurred, and will be stuck there until training begins. The characters allowed will have to be one of the following species: Matoran (1 bio/ 4.5 feet) Matoran will be the smallest beings in the scientific prison, and they will always be lowly regarded. There will be lots of matoran/agori around, and mostly be filling as the crowd. Of course, the one you play has smartened up. Agori (1.1 bio/ 4.7 feet) Agori are the other filling I mentioned earlier, and they will be more strong-willed than the Matoran, yet only choose an Agori if you wish to become beaten up, as Agori are much more hot-headed and often attack or charge in without thinking twice. Toa (1.6 bio/ 7 feet) Toa are strong protectors of Matoran and the servants of Mata nui. They are the most trained and pressed beings in the entire base, yet there should not be a lot of them. Matoran can randomly turn into a Toa, yet I have to agree to it or announce it. If a Matoran Is chosen to become a toa, then it becomes a toa, no matter what. It will also be given a random mask. I will allow something new: You may use other characters from different RPGs, even if they exist in different time zones. Just make sure they at least temporarily disappear from the other RPG. Also something else: The super-soldier process can work two ways: 1 You can be trained, beaten, suffer substantial wounds, and almost die, and then it has a 50% chance of working. 2 You can jump to the process, and get a 5% chance. Having it fail means you end up as a slightly stronger, hideous monstrosity with no mask changes whatsoever. And now, the main characters played by yours truly(and maybe more by someone else): Crew and Guards: All super strong mechanical super computers with no vulnerabilities, these mechanical entities are always alert, constantly watching prisoners. Certain events in the story will leave them or certain areas vulnerable. Borag the unthinkable Borag is a being who appears to be the main villain is most likely not, as he tries to make everyone at home In the place(or at least sound like it). He is responsible for many deaths inside the station, yet he says he is a soft-hearted, generous being who only wants to help all aboard. Borag is almost as tall as a Toa, and is from an unknown species. He has a red mask, which is a de-powered Kanohi nuva, Mask of speed to be specific. Montrok A kind an generous being, Montrok was mutated rather than improved, turning him into a hideous outcast, enlarging his hands while fusing his legs together into a fat, wormlike tail. He is very intelligent, and almost came to the required strength level for soldier employment. He is light green(with shades of dark green, thanks to the mutation) and wears the mask that Tanma wore in that 2008 set. Drenmtro Drenmtro is the only character whose pronunciation I do not know. He hides In the shadows, and appears to be a underling, though he is the only one allowed into the reactor, not even Borag. He wears a fully functional Pakari, and is dressed in all Black, from head to toe. he is also an unknown species, and is taller than any toa (about two bio). Now, the sections of the ship are all attached to each other with walkways, but they are heavily guarded and not easily found. Each section is massive, but only the three main ones are you allowed access to, but if you want to be sneaky.... 1st section is the rooms, in which you each live. 2nd room is the main room, where you can get prepped for training, where public beatings occur, and where you first arrive after all cells unlock. The 3rd and biggest area is the training yard, where all the trainees go now and then, for "training". And finally, the biggest threat to your survival is the countdown. The countdown is where any captured traitors are put into the underground section of the base, called "the gore", and for good reason. The horrors that are performed there are so horrific that it will constantly remind you "Don't get caught, EVER". Each countdown occurs after a set amount of time, and in between different times. But the worst part is: Get to the 12th countdown, and you all DIE, no matter what. In the meantime, though, Remember: Borag is watching you closely, and he loves you so very, very much.

I seize the rider of kilanalo and fill his body to the brim with ice spikes, still with half of mu body missing, a kilanalo, and a neck cast. My mask.

Granted, you have inspiration for suicide. Lucky you. I wish I had a phone book.

Was designed to make you like Galidor. Dr. Doom

You forgot we are lounging on tahu's rotten corpse, yes.

Egad! Have you ben looking at my flickr stream? How else would you know?

IC Daltrahk Daltrahk fell to the ground, exhausted. He had screamed his lungs out, but he needed to do more. Daltrahk was intelligent, but underneath he had the same, basic skakdi thinking: If something doesn't work, do it harder. Daltrahk thought for a minute, and then, using his illusion power, made an artificial Makuta voice boom all over the city. "And the Makuta's response?" he thought "anger. It always is. They are so simplistic."