Toru Nui

You cannot choke me, I do not breathe. My mask.

I trap you in an interdimensional birdcage. My mask. POLLY WANT A CRACKER

Not really, considering everyone else just keeps getting revived by the mask. I serve hot chili on you. BECAUSE YOU ARE A PLATE My mask.

First of all, yes I have heard of them. I've played this game too. Second of all, you are after the mask as well, so your argument is invalid. My mask.

What, you think you two are the only two who can't die? I SURVIVED BEING ERASED COMPLETELY FROM THE CODING OF REALITY ONCE. My mask.

Cut it, Sergeant Sass! Part 207: With Their Egos Combined, They Could Fill an Olympic Swimming Pool “WELL, THIS IS NEW. You’re one to talk! I don’t even know what’s going on! OK, I’LL TALK NICE AND SLOW FOR THIS NEXT PART. YOU WERE EATEN, RIGHT? Well, I wouldn’t say eaten, more of a being pulled apart thing. I HAVE ABSORBED THE BEING WHO ATE YOU. NOW, FOR SOME REASON, WE ARE NOW THE SAME BEING. THIS POSES A PROBLEM. I’ll say! How are statues supposed to be erected in my honour when my body is all over the place?! Either the stone will have to float or we’ll have to use glass, and I will not tolerate that! I WON’T TOLERATE YOUR EGO, LITTLE FIKOU, OR YOUR INCOMPETENCE. How dare you disrespect me?! ME??? EVERYONE HAS BEEN DISRESPECTING YOU. WHY SHOULD I, A KNOWN ANTI-MATORANIST-That’s not a word. YES, SO? WHY SHOULD I TREAT YOU ANY DIFFERENT FROM YOUR… AHEM, QUOTE SUBJECTS UNQUOTE. I hate you already. I HAVE THAT EFFECT ON PEOPLE. MOSTLY BECAUSE THEY’RE ENVIOUS OF MY INTELLIGENCE. AND MY STRENGTH. AND POWER. AND VOICE. COME TO THINK OF IT, WHO WOULDN’T BE ENVIOUS OF ME? Who ARE you anyway? MAKUTA.” … … … … … “I’m going insane, I’m going insane, I’m going in-OH SHUT UP. LOOK, YOU WANT POWER DON’T YOU? …Yyyyyyyeeeeeeesssssssss… IF YOU SHUT UP AND CO-OPERATE WITH ME UNTIL I CAN FIND A WAY TO SEPARATE US, I WILL GET YOU POWER. MAYBE NOT THAT DAY, MAYBE NOT THE NEXT DAY. BUT SOON. THE END WILL BE HERE SOON. VERY SOON. I CAN WAIT.” … … … … … “Well I can’t-SHUT UP.” IT WILL BE OVER SOON IN ABOUT A MONTH NOT FOR US OF COURSE FOR THEM FOR US THIS WILL TAKE A LOOONG TIME

I impale you with an elephant tusk. My mask.

Silence, Captain Snark! WE ARE THE HAMMER! Part 206: Bored Orde Nuju lounged around in the control room for his superweapons. It was the end of the first day he allotted the Toa. He saw honour in keeping his word, but no reason. But honour comes before reason, don’tcha know? Anyway, as he was spinning around in his swivel chair, a message appeared on the monitor in front of him. 01010111 01000001 01010010 01001110 01001001 01001110 01000111 00001010 01010000 01010010 01001001 01001101 01000001 01010010 01011001 00100000 01000110 01000001 01001001 01001100 01010011 01000001 01000110 01000101 00100000 01001111 01000110 01000110 01001100 01001001 01001110 01000101 00001010 01010101 01010011 01000101 00100000 01001111 01000110 00100000 01010111 01000101 01000001 01010000 01001111 01001110 00100000 01001101 01000001 01011001 00100000 01010010 01000101 01010011 01010101 01001100 01010100 00100000 01001001 01001110 00100000 01000101 01011000 01010000 01001100 01001111 01010011 01001001 01001111 01001110 Now, Nuju couldn’t read binary, so he didn’t know what this meant. (I mean, do YOU? (and don’t say you do just because you used the Internet to translate this.)) He just sat back and re- “Um, Turaga Nuju?” …Lllaaaaaaaaaxxx… “Chirp! Quack! Cock-a-doodle-doo! Caw!” “Forgive me, but… I need your help with something. Something important.” Nuju decided he better go see what the problem was. “Quack?” Matoro held up a can of tinned food. “I can’t find the can-opener. Do you know where it went?” This might sound incredibly stupid, but the Ko-Matoran kept the majority of their foods in cans to prevent them from getting snow on them. And they only had one can opener. And that can opener just so happened to be part of Klyma’s spirit extractor. “MUHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH, AHAHAHHAHAH, AHAHCKAKCKAKA- *cough* *COUGH* …Urglh… accursed canned food… I cannot SSSTTTAAAAAAAAANNNDDD IIIIIIIIITTT!!!” Agni wondered when he was going to shut up. Nuhrii pondered that he felt the same way, even though Agni had only ever thought that. Then Vhisola asked them all, with lots of expletives to shut the Karzahni up. In her head. They were communing via telepathy. More importantly, Nuhrii was now in Agni’s HEAD. Agni’s mental scream was so strong that it was picked up by Orde millions of Mios away. “…What the Karzahni was that?” ORDE REALLY NEEDS TO COME TO ORDER

I have multiple jaws. Which I use to EAT you. My mask. YUM YUM

STOP! Hammertime. My mask.

Update Trader Who. Then we talk. Is that based on any particular song? Part 205: Onewa Goes up to the Plate “*groan*… What happened?” “*muffled* Excuse me, my good Matoran but GET OFF!” “It’s a Ta-Matoran!” “Thank you, private obvious.” “It’s CAPTAIN obvious.” “Thank you, private obvious.” “*groan*” “*muffled screaming*” “*groooaaan*” “Hey guys!” “*GROOOAAAN*” “OK who’s this now?” “Lewa, where have you been? Where are the others?” “Oh they’re still lazy and inept.” “Seriously, who are you all?” “That’s YOU, numbskull!” “What?” “Lazy and inept! THAT’S YOU!” “*MUFFLED SCREAMING*” “Shut up Onua.” “*muffled* GEEET OOOFFAAA MEEE!!!” “Whoa!” Jaller and Hahli quickly leapt off a very frustrated Turaga of Stone. “Hahli, you’re back!” “Where have you been?” “Oh you know… places…” “Places, hmm? Like the moon?” “Actually, that looks more like a plan-“ Onewa then hit her with his hammer into the stratosphere. … … … … … “…Judges?” “Home run, Turaga.” Onewa prepared for another swing. “CARE TO REITERATE YOUR STATEMENT?” “Out of the park, OUT OF THE PARK!” “Out of the park.” “See Pohatu? I told you it was a moon.” “Darn it Kopaka, it is a PLANET. The laws of physics dictate that-“ “WHAT laws of physics?! The Turaga just hit that Ga-Matoran into orbit!” “Speaking of which, why are you not doing anything about that? Can’t you fly?” “First of all: IT’S NOT FLYING. Second of all: I refuse to do anything until someone explains what they’re babbling about. This moon and planet argument demands some explanation.” “Good point. Hewkii, do you know anything about-“ “Woman, I’m hopped up on DRUGS! I have no idea what’s going on!” “Hewkii, you haven’t been taking drugs to cheat in Koli, have you?” “Karzahni no, I’m a respectable sportsman!” “Then… what drugs HAVE you been taking?” “You know, instead of teaching you all complex mathematics and literacy, I probably should have taught you empathy. Hahli is probably about to come crashing down by now and we need to be ready to catch her. I’ll deal with you later, Onewa.” “Oh come on, it’s not like anybody really cared about her-OOF! *muffled* OH COME ON! Get off me!” “Nope.” “*muffled* You’re crushing my BONES! I’m an old man!” “Good.” STOP HAMMERTIME

Sorry about that. Anyway, I defeat you with the power of power. My mask.

Part 204: The Huge Intimating Wall of Text Whenua looked over the ruins of Onu-Koro. Looked exactly the same as the aftermath of Nuparu’s birthday. Nothing that overtime without pay wouldn’t fix. The only problem was, right now his approval rating was about one percent. And the one percent was said person who’s birthdays resulted in about the same landscape as he saw he now. Taipu would have made it two percent, but Taipu was… well, Taipu. Tehutti might have been dead (as far as he knew), but now, for some reason Onepu was now filling up the role as rival. Not the role of village idiot, though, but very few people in Onu-Koro could take over for Tehutti. Maybe the Guildmasters could… Anyway, he had to do something. Onepu was smart (well, smartER than Tehutti (not a hard feat to accomplish)), but Whenua highly doubted he could lead the Onu-Matoran half as well as he could. Not only were the Po, Ta and Ga-Matoran all after them, but they were now in a state of political turmoil. On the outside, Whenua portrayed the same stoic image as ever. But on the inside, he was beginning to wonder if there was such a thing as a professional noosemaker, and if not, why not. LOOK PETEWA I AM MIMICING YOUR STYLE

I defeat you with the power of HATE. My mask.

Part 203: Gambling is bad for Your Health “So, who wants to bet that those three are already in trouble?” “I would, but I don’t have any widgets.” “Wait a second; do any of us have ANY money?” “Nope.” “Nada.” “What?” “It means none.” “Oh.” “Want me to fly over to them and check if there OK?” “I thought you said it wasn’t flying.” “Maybe not, but’s it’s a close substitute.” “Sure. Why not.” “Because then ALL the idiots will be in the same area.” “True.” “Oh for Mata Nui’s sake, I’m going anyway!” And so he did. “*sigh* This whole mask-collecting thing is going to be even more difficult than I first thought.” AND IT ONLY GETS WORSE FROM HERE

Unfortunately, telepathy exists. HATE. HATE! Part 202: Ten, HUTTI! Ahkmou, having freed himself from the shoddy cages of the Le-Matoran, escaped into the densest part of Le-Wahi, knowing that there was a secret tunnel somewhere that led to Mangaia. Unfortunately, his sense of direction was terrible. “Well, judging from the nearby vegetation and flora, the position of the moon and the clouds, I have no clue where I am.” “THAT MAKES ONE OF US.” “Boss? Your voice sounds… different.” “I’M SO WEIRDED OUT RIGHT NOW, I DON’T NEED YOUR COMMENTARY.” “Sorry.” “I NEED YOU TO NOT RETURN TO MANGAIA UNTIL I SAY SO.” “What? Where else am I supposed to go? My own village won’t accept me because I kinda poisoned most of them, and everyone else is under orders to take any Po-Matoran they see captive! WHERE THE KARZAHNI AM I SUPPOSED TO-“ “I DON’T CARE. LIVE IN THE JUNGLE WHY DON’T YOU.” “I don’t-I can’t… I…” “AHKMOU, YOU’RE BACK ON MY PAYLIST. AGAIN. I JUST CAN’T… ACCOMMODATE YOU RIGHT NOW. I HAVE JUST ABSORBED AN ELDRITCH ABOMINATION, AND where the Karzahni am I?! Where? And… WHY AM I FLOATING?! OH BOY. I’LL CALL YOU BACK.” “You’re not calling me. You’re telepathically messaging me. Why don’t we do this more oft-“ “Who is that?! Where is he!? WHAT THE KARZAHNI IS-“ GUESS TEHUTTI WAS NOT COMPLETELY DIGESTED SO MUCH FOR HIS KARMIC AND COMPLETELY DESERVED DEATH

Don't you know the real prize here is now the pie? My pie.

I put on sunscreen and punch you. My mask.

Could be. Part 201: Klyma’s Kontraption After a long struggle, Nuhrii, Vhisola and Agni were restrained by Klyma, and were about to have their spirits sucked out as well. “FAREWELL MY FRIENDS! YOUR HELP WITH MY EXPERIMENTS IS GREATLY APPRECIATED!” “Well thank you.” “Nuhrii, he’s about to kill us!” “Hey, I’ll take what I can get.” “I’m surrounded by idiots.” “NO ARGUMENT HERE.” “You’re included in that surrounding, nutcase!” “AW… DON’T FEEL TOO BAD. YOU’RE GIVING YOUR LIFE, YOUR BODY, YOUR SPIRIT… FOR SCIENCE. NYEHEHEHEH… GOODBYE.” And with that Klyma pulled the lever. … … … … … Agni found himself in a glass orb with three glowing white things all bouncing around. He then realised he had no body, no legs, no arms. He too, was a glowing white thing. He reasoned that Klyma’s contraption worked, and he, Nuhrii, Vhisola and Ehrye were now all mere spirits without a body, unable to age or even die. This terrified him. He was about to spend eternity with Nuhrii. I HAVE NO MOUTH AND I MUST SCREAM

I kill you with hot chocolate. My mask.

I wear wish-proof socks. My mask.

Part 200: Eruption “So… what was your plan again Tahu?” “I never told you!” “Of course you didn’t! We were interrupted by Mr. Body Horror himself!” “Pretty sure his name was-“ “NO. NEVER MENTION HIM AGAIN.” “Oh for Mata Nui’s sake, Pohatu, give Onua your Kakama.” “Why?” “You’re going to dig a moat for the lava.” “Oh.” “Oh no you don’t! You still have MY Hau, Tahu!” “Yes and Onua has MY Pakari!” “Everyone give back their Kanohi!” After a few minutes of shuffling and sharing, everyone had their proper Masks of Power. Tahu had his Golden Kanohi, Pohatu had his three masks, Gali had her two, and everyone else had one. “There. Now everybody’s happy. How wonderful. NOW DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE LAVA!” “Can’t. Don’t have his Kakama.” “*snarl* HERE!” Tahu gave Onua his Golden Kanohi. Then he fell over limp due to having no mask. “NOW GO!” “Alright, alright!” Onua raced round Ta-Wahi, quickly digging a ditch around the lava flow, quickly saving Kapura and Pekka from a lava-induced fate, carrying them on his back. “WHAT?! WHERE?! WHAT IS HAPPENING!?” “I’m saving you, idiots.” “Thank you.” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! G-FORCE IN MY FACE!!!” “Nothing can stop me now!” Onua quickly realised he was about to hit the boiling water at the Golden Beach. “Except maybe that.” Fortunately, Pohatu had thought ahead, and had picked up Kopaka and planted him in the water, cooling it down almost instantly. “I would like you to know, just because I agreed to this, does not mean I’m OK with it.” “Oh quit being such a woman, Kopaka.” “Yes whatever. Also, I am freezing the water solid. And I cannot get out.” “*muffled screaming*” “And neither can Onua. And his new little friends.” “Ah! The other Toa! Allow me to-OOF!” Jaller, Hahli and their now exhausted Kewa fell on top of him. “Well he certainly deserved that, at least. What with all his civil war Kane-Ra dung.” A KANE-RA IS A BULL DUNG IS A WORD FOR WASTE THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A SECOND

Part 199: RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE! “SURPRISE! I’m gonna make trouble for you!” “CONGRATULATIONS. YOU FOUND ME. EVEN THOUGH I TOLD YOU WHERE EXACTLY WHERE THE ENTRANCE TO MY LAIR IS. I’M SO THRILLED.” “Shut your pie hole! Now I shall devour you and steal your powers!” “YEAH… NO.” Makuta’s Shadow Hand erupted from his chest and grabbed the Kanohi Hau that served as the Void’s brain. “GAAAAAH! WHAT… ARE… YOU… DOING?!” “MY DEAR WANNABE TREN KROM, I’M DOING WHAT YOU DO. I’M… EATING YOU.” The Shadow Hand slowly got closer to Makuta, though the Void resisted. “NO! NO! STOP!” “YOUR MERE EXISTENCE IS A MINOR HICCUP IN AN OTHERWISE FLAWLESS PLAN. APART FROM WHEN I WAS ENCASED IN PROTODERMIS, BUT I HAD A BACK-UP FOR THAT. IT WAS STILL DAYS OF AGONIZING PAIN THOUGH.” “NO! NO!!!” “OH, ARE YOU STILL HERE? YOU’LL HAVE TO APOLOGISE FOR MY RAMBLING, I’M JUST A BIT ABSOLUTELY LIVID RIGHT NOW.” “You’re making a mistake! You can’t-you can’t absorb me without dyIIIIIIIIINNNGGG!!! EURWKHU RI PLQH L FDOO XSRQ BRX VDYH PH IURP WKLV IDWH L VZHDU XSRQ PB OLIH L ZLOO UHIRUP!” “OH SHUT UP.” And with that, the Void’s mask was lurched into Makuta’s chest. And then his parts began to rattle. “…OH DEAR.” Then HE became a mass of swirling body parts. “WELL… THIS IS NEW.” HE EXISTED JUST TO DIE HOW PATHETIC RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE

Part 198: Kraata are not Hoi Tortoises The Kraata soon realised that the batteries for his new robot body were no longer working. So he decided to abandon ship. Or robot. Whatever. Being a Kraata is a funny thing. Without a Rahkshi suit of armour (or an alternative, such as the M.a.R.K), the Kraata cannot speak Matoran (unless it’s a stage seven), and as such, it can be rather… difficult to communicate. “Ew… a slug…” “Gross.” “That is a Kraata, not a slug.” “Oh.” “Oooh! It’s so CUTE! Can I keep it?” “Absolutely not! You have no idea how powerful that thing is!” The Kraata, wanting to stay alive and all, decided to milk it’s cuteness. If it had eyes, they would have been puppy dog eyes. “SQUUUEEE!!! OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEAS-“ “OK. But if your Kanohi gets infected in the night, don’t say we didn’t warn you.” THIS CAN ONLY END SO WELL

Battle of... wages? Part 197: Lulling a Lullaby “It’s getting dark. Is my bed done yet?” “Yes Turaga. Allow me to play you a lullaby-“ “Sanso I swear to Mata Nui, why don’t you understand nobody likes your music?!” “Hmph. I shouldn’t have to put up with such biased criticism.” “BIIIAAASEEED?!” “What are you yelling about now?” “I honestly have no idea, Turaga Vakama, he keeps blathering a lot of nonsense.” “YOU-BUT-THAT-GAH-“ “See?” “Good grief, Matau, you make as much sense as Nuju did when he spoke Matoran.” Then for some reason a Kewa dropped its droppings on Vakama’s head. “…Classy.” SILENT NIGHT HOLY NIGHT