Zaxvo

Excellent, I'll get on that new review. In the meantime, I've got a request of my own. Who Am I? by Zaxvo Thanks.

About a year ago there was a local short story contest in hosted by the public library in my town, which asked for a short story written from the prompt of this photo. Anyhow, I procrastinated posting this because, well, I just got lazy, really Anyhow, here goes nothing. Who Am I? The man was named Alfred Garcia, and he was going to die tonight. By day, he worked as a police officer, but by night he spent his time like one of your vigilantes. Tonight was one such occasion.I did not know who Garcia was hunting tonight, nor do I know how he found them or what he had planned on doing or what crime his victim has committed. All I knew about that night was that he was the only human involved who was going to die. Just then, a motorcycle pulled up. It was just like the man riding it: slim, but powerful and sleek. He slowed down, killed the engine, and got off the bike. Slowly, silently -- he was good at being stealthy -- he pushed open the gate at the end of the alley and wheeled his cycle inside. He leaned it against the wall and set his helmet down on the saddle. Carefully, he knocked on the door opposite. The door opened and in he went. Surprisingly, the door stayed open, spilling the harsh light against the wall and the bike. I walked away from the wall I had been leaning against, towards the gate at the end of the alley. Garcia had left it ajar, and as I made my way through it -- I didn’t need to try to be silent -- I heard gunshots. There was my cue. I broke into a run, going straight through the wall of the building. Inside the harshly-lit, spacious and stone-walled room were three humans. The first was a raven-haired female. She looked young but not exactly pure; I could sense the aura of drugs hanging around her. She was wearing all black, and she was curled up on a worn, yet spotless, white couch. The contrast was startling; under the harsh bright light, it was almost as if I had stepped into one of your old black and white films. The second human was a slightly overweight, ordinary man. He had curly blond hair and sleek glasses and he exuded a sense of sophistication. If not for the smoking gun in his hand, I would not have thought of him as a killer or a drug lord; he looked rather young. Behind him, on the desk, neatly separated into small bags, was a lot of white powder; enough to put him away for the rest of his life with no hope for parole.The third man was lying on the ground almost directly in front of me, blood seeping from the bullet wounds on his chest and in his back. There was an empty holster on his belt. The matching weapon was lying on the ground, just out of reach of his left hand. His short, close-cropped black hair, high cheekbones, and dark eyes almost gave him an angelic look, but who am I to judge? I’ve never seen any angels. I’ve got no business with them.Slowly, I stopped by his right side, knelt down, and looked into his eyes. He gasped. Behind me, I could hear the male talking with his companion; they were trying to decide what to do with the body. She walked over and picked up the motorcycle key from where it had fell. She gave Garcia a look that was half pity, half indifference, and then she stood and left. She closed the door behind her, but I could still hear the sound of the engine as it started.I needed to move quickly. Below me, Garcia was close to shock. “Lady Death,” he muttered, addressing me. I just nodded to him; I make a point of not talking to people. He coughed, blood bubbling up between his lips and splattering on the ground.Garcia reached for his gun, aimed unsteadily, and pulled the trigger, but the pain was too much for him to aim properly. The drug lord spun around and stalked over, pointing the gun at Garcia’s chest and abdomen. He pulled the trigger.Garcia had known that I would come sooner or later, and he made his own decisions. There was nothing I could do about that. Nothing at all. The drug lord pulled the trigger again.Slowly, my hands shaking, I reached out to cradle Garcia’s head, not wanting this angelic man, this all too rare specimen of the human race to die while the devil who had killed him still flourished from the sale of his poisons. The drug lord pulled the trigger a third time.My rage slowly built up as Garcia whimpered. He was just trying to do what he thought was right. He built his life around that ideal. I just followed orders. Century after century, millennium after millennium, I just followed orders. In my hands, I could feel Garcia weakening. There was a faint beat of life there, but it was all too faint. His soul was trying to escape. The drug lord evidently thought he was dead and turned back to the desk, setting the gun down and triggering the safety. Sadly, he wasn’t going to die, not tonight. From what I saw though, he deserved to. He turned back towards us and --“Who are you?”Whoa. That’s not right. I was told only to take Garcia’s soul. I had received no information about him. He wasn’t supposed to be able to see me. He wasn’t scheduled to die. “Who are you?” He repeated, his voice shaking. Garcia was doing some good in this world, and what was I doing? Making sure people died when they were supposed to. Slowly, I turned around to face him, my mind working furiously. Without looking away, he fumbled around the desk behind him, reaching for the gun. If he could see me, then he would need to die. I would have to weaken him enough to free his soul from his body, but there was no way I would be able to do it on my own; the healthy body is too strong for me.I leaped forward, as if I was going to punch him. He flinched slightly but stood his ground, pulling the gun out from behind his back and pointing it at me. I stepped to the side, drawing his aim away from Garcia. As I did, he fumbled with the safety.“Who are you?” He repeated once again.I’d like to think I could do some good at some point in time, but it wasn’t my role to interfere in this world. I just followed orders. He pointed the now-active gun at me. Behind me and off to the side, I could hear Garcia struggling to draw breath. He was drowning in his own blood. There was no going back for him, but I had decided to help him. Some instinct, some gut feeling, told me that it was the right thing to do. I took another step to the side and started walking towards him. He backpedaled until his back was against the wall. He pulled the trigger.He was a crack shot; the bullet would have killed me if I were human. As it was, I let it pass through what passed for my head. “What are you?” He screamed.I kept up my steady advance, his fear freezing him in place. I calmly walked up to him, and as I let myself become substantial enough to take his gun, he punched me in the face. When he realized he could punch me, he went to work. First a knee to my midsection, then he forced my head down and smashed my back. I buckled and collapsed. There was no pain -- I can’t feel pain -- but it was the sheer force of the blow. He bent down, grabbed my hood, and hauled me to my feet, punch after punch coming to my face. I waited the torrent of blows to slow slightly, and when they did, I was ready.I Changed, my true form visible for a fraction of a second. That was all it took.He cowered in terror and tried to scream. His vocal cords failed him first, and then his sight dimmed. He found he couldn't move his legs and his hearing faded. His other senses deserted him. Seizing my opportunity, I tossed the gun to Garcia, who had been watching in shock and pain. “What monster are you?” The drug lord shrieked. I could see the terror had worn off.Garcia pulled the trigger. The drug lord collapsed, and before I took his soul, I gave him the answer he was looking for all night. “I am Death.”

After a week's delay [Thanks Velox], I return, with my review of Nuile's flash fiction Love Conquers All.

Hey, it's Zaxvo from the SSCC! Just a general comment, after watching Cloud Atlas recently this set of flash fiction really reminded me of the movie. I don't know if you've heard of it, but it takes the concept of separate stories with mirroring themes and personalities to a whole new level. Regardless, these stories really felt like they featured the same characters, at different points in their life, and I liked that. I'm going to start with my review of Ping-Pong. In this story, I loved the all pervasive theme of the game, and that your carried the references to it from beginning to end worked really well in this case, it carried the story excellently. I suppose, on the face of it, the protagonist is just a little bit of a creepy stalker; he's always there, always watching, and the instant he sees she has argument with her boyfriend he pounces. It's a little strange but can be perceived differently, depending on your perspective. Your grammar in this one was impeccable, at least to my eyes. Well done. Next, Preparation. This might just be my favorite of the bunch; the protagonist is completely well prepared and I liked the winks back and forth between the father and the main character. I have to wonder, though, what the encounter with the old lady has to do with anything. It's off-putting and distracting to the reader, especially because you provide no names, so when he arrives at his soon-to-be fiance's door, initially readers are uncertain about who he's meeting. You almost make it sound like he goes to the old woman's house. And the date, at the end, was odd as well. Unless you're trying to tie it in to the Dec 21st 2012 end of the world mayan meme, which I doubt, it doesn't really have much of a connection or a relevance to the story. [Although, if you ARE, then all of a sudden the story gains a terrible tragic twist.]Again, impeccable grammar here, no complaints. Lastly, Forget-Me-Not Hill. To be honest, I was a bit put off by the lack of any action in the story. I'm not talking about explosions or fist fights, but rather, I mean any plot at all. The story is basically "Lovesick girl goes to a hill and mopes." She's wondering why her beloved doesn't seem to be returning her advances, but really, he loves her back...which is a piece of information given to the readers, but not to her. But now the readers are wondering WHY he isn't responding to her. You hint that the two are separated from each other, but somehow, they're both playing with petals, that they toss into the wind, that both end up in the same spot. Yeah, I get that you're trying to use some symbolism, but to be honest symbolism only works if it's a relatable symbol. For instance, if, before he leaves, he's up on the hill, and he's plucking petals as well, and then later on, so is she, well, then, the parallels there are clear. Stories are all about the suspension of disbelief: we've gather on BZP out of our love of bionicle, a tale which requires some serious suspension of disbelief but then sticks to its own rules. It's all about a hypothetical situation, and then asking what ifs to tell the tale. In this case, you've established a world not unlike our own, where two lovers are separated by time and space somehow manage to have their petals reunite in a place where no one is going to realize. I'm re-reading this and it's coming off as scathing, and for that I apologize. I love the concept and the ideas you've started with, I just wish you would flesh them out a bit more, take them just a bit farther. Overall, a great collection of flash fiction. Really well done, for the most part, and again, I love the connections, the nods, the hints and winks and nudges from story to story.

My reaction to The Game was kind of lukewarm, and tbh I never actually played it, but just from this tech demo I'm longing to play this. It's kind of a shame we didn't get many great video games for 04-05...you could count that Morbuzahk game, I guess, where you played as Vakama, but it wasn't too exciting.

Well, The Bodyguard has been reviewed.

Hey, it's Zaxvo from the Short Stories Critics Club! Your short story has been randomly selected for a free review! On the face of it, you've got a great story. You've checked all the appropriate boxes: awesome protagonist, genuine conflict, believable characters, mysterious, powerful beings, it's all there. But something is still missing. Something tugs at me reader's mind and says that there's an emptiness to the tale. Maybe it's because your most entertaining scene comes at the beginning of the plot. Maybe it's because you fail to answer any of the real questions at play. Or maybe it's because you take Xaeraz from being a relative force for good -- he protects people -- to becoming an evil minion of evil with little to no explanation. Characters -- no, people don't make huge decisions like that in a few sentences. So as a self-contained short story, it's ok, but could improve. But as an origin story, and prologue to a full-length epic? You have me intrigued. Well done. [/review]On that note, I loved your comedic writing, and I have loved it for many years now. Consider me stoked for this epic. (if not a terribly active reader lol)

And I've reviewed my assigned story. I may need an extra week for the charity review.

Hey, it's Zaxvo from the Short Stories Critics Club.I want to open this review by commenting on that twist...it was well-written, brilliantly played, and perfectly hinted at. Masterfully done. I laughed. My only quibble is that you go from being overly wordy and descriptive to being really casual in a short space, and it doesn't work very well for the readability of the story. for example, in two sentences Calvin goes from "a three-headed space alien with tentacles." to "I was benevolent enough to let you." Do you see how the tone and vocabulary varies? It throws the reader off a bit. Other than that, well done. I'm impressed and it was quite entertaining. Good job!

Just reviewed Return. Fantastic piece of writing, I highly recommend to to everyone, regardless of what you like to write, this is how emotions should be described.

Hey, it's Zaxvo from the Short Stories Critics Club! Your short story has been randomly selected for a free review! Wow. I am, quite honestly, breathless. I suppose it's all the fantasy/scifi/melodramatic fiction I read, but I was expecting something more than merely a son who's gone away. You're familiar with the tropes, I'll assume; someone who's gone away for a very long time, perhaps an ex-husband. Perhaps a relative who's made a massive mistake, like driving drunk and ending up killing someone. Anything with more immediate significance to it than your plain old vanilla son who's moved on with his life, moved away, and is content. And it's such a normal thing for people today to do, too, people leave home for college or work or marriage and only marginally maintain those precious relationships from their childhood.And that sounds like I'm understanding what you've put together here, when in fact, this is turned out to be even better than all of those possibilities.You've captured the sheer emotion perfectly, the raw fear and nervousness and hesitation and anxiety and excitement and happiness all rolled into one indescribable feeling -- well, indescribable simply, because it took you the entire story to sum it up. But sum it up you did.Well done, really, this is truly brilliant, and you've got some serious talent as a writer. To be honest, I can't think of any criticism for you, and there's so, so, so much more I could add -- nice mention of map quest, by the way, that brought a smile to my face. I used to sue it religiously, but now I'm a google maps guy -- but I'm going to leave this review as it is. Fantastic work.EDIT: I have never really done this before, but this story has been bouncing around in my head for the last 24 hours or so -- it was that stunning. In hindsight, if there's one thing I'd change (and this is really minor), it's your protagonist's first line of dialogue. "How you doin'?" sounds a bit...sleezy to me, I would alter it to be That just seems more formal, more normal, instead of the sleazy, almost flirtatious "How you doin'?"It's a minor point, and it took me a while to place it because everything but those few lines of dialogue are perfect. As I said yesterday, fantastic work.

Well, that's this week's charity review done.edit: Cederak, as a critic, I just want to thank you for helping curate this club and resource for the general BZP library. It's been great.

Hey, it's Zaxvo from the Short Stories Critics Club! Your short story has been randomly selected for a free review! Put simply, this is a well written short scene. You use the tools of a rhythm and a countdown well, and I find that they really enhanced the suspense, especially as the story escalated. The only real problem is that there's very little empathy for any of your characters. They are all faceless, nameless, and apparently motiveless, which makes it quite difficult for the readers to sympathise. Yes, it's a soldier who dies, but we just saw him brutally kill a soldier of the other side. For a story full of violence and little distinction between the two sides except for their names, it's difficult to create sympathy for anyone. Note that I'm talking about this particular story. In the real world, the two sides ARE different. My point is merely that it is difficult to create sympathy for a character for whom there is little to differentiate him from his opponents.Other than that, solidly written short scene. Well done.

And I've done my charity review for the week.

Hey, it's Zaxvo from the Short Stories Critics Club! Your short story has been randomly selected for a free review! I've never read A Midsummer Night's Dream, only ever seen it performed, once, a few years ago. So I feel like there is something that missing in the story, something in the corner of my brain telling me that this ties in to the plot of a midsummer night's dream somehow, but I'm not entirely sure how. Anyways, your writing is excellent, on the technical side of things. No issues with grammar, it flows fairly well, and you've got defined, rational characters. I would have liked to have a bit more information about Evenstar's motivation to assassinate the Faerie queen, but that's not super important. My main problems with this short story are all on the plot. Why'd he volunteer to stand guard? Couldn't he just wait until everyone leaves before showing up? And why does Oberon coming and doing something stop him from carrying out his assassination AFTER Oberon leaves? Isn't Oberon worried that some of the faeries who were around might tell Titania once she wakes up? Overall you've got a well-written story, but you need to work out the plot details a bit more. Not bad overall though, it was engaging and interesting.edit: by the way, I LOVE that quote in your sig, about the goat. Great stuff.

Velox handed off his story to me; as I understand it, he's going to take the next one on the list. Anyhow, I've done that review.

Hey, it's Zaxvo from the Short Stories Critics Club! Your short story has been randomly selected for a free review! You claim you don't tell an important story, but to be perfectly honest, when I reached the end your quick little exercise, I exhaled out of relief. I was literally holding my breath in suspense, eagerly reading to see what happened. Your writing was just that good that I found myself emotionally invested in this random martian tour guide I knew next to nothing about. That is brilliant writing. Give yourself a pat on the back, you've got some great talent. From the way you open the story, introducing the protagonist, Reeves, and his daily struggles with those darned tourists, to the moment he falls and discovers the rip in his suit, you slowly, carefully, surely get the reader interested. And they're hooked and need to find out what Reeves does. Well done. Personally, at the time I thought that the way Reeves survived is a bit of a Deus Ex Machina, but in retrospect it makes perfect sense. Perhaps adding in a line about how whatever corporation the runs VMEO mandates carrying patches, out of safety concerns? :/ I dunno. It felt, at the time, like a really trivial solution to a life-threatening conflict. Maybe he drops the patch kit? For the drama?Other than that, I have no negative feedback for you. This is simply one of the most engrossing short stories I've read in a long time. Well done.

...You waited five minutes after posting that to bring it to us? Well, okay - call in the specialists early I suppose. Zaxvo will be handling the assignment. Thanks for (making no delay in) choosing the SSCC! -CedAnd I've done that one.

Zaxvo here from the SSCC! Haha, curiosity killed the Matoran, I see. lol. Sorry, couldn't resist. Anyhow, great story, that ending was, well, surprising. I'd like to see what the law enforcement of the city makes of that one :PPersonally, the use of present tense threw me off: I'm use to past-tense writing and so it was a little strange. Nonetheless, you make it work, especially for showing where the flashback starts (by changing tense). That death scene was pretty brutal, I'm not going to lie, I was quite surprised. I'm no moderator, but to me you're just barely within the limits. *shrug*Other than that, I don't have much more to say. You've written yourself a neat little bionicle-themed parable, and it works out very well. The choice of tense is, ultimately, up to you, but I suggest writing in the past tense most often. It tends to flow better. Overall though, great work.

Right. Well, those reviews are done.

Zaxvo here from the SSCC!I'll start with The Chimera. It's a great snippet of fear and violence and terror and awe. Personally, I would ease up on the descriptions a bit though, you let a lot of metaphors in and create these rather long passages of imagery. That's fine, but it's not exactly quick, as you imply the beast is. The other bit I'd change is the thing around the narrator: in two places you use the first person but everywhere else you're solidly in the third person. Is there supposed to be someone else there? Why didn't they get eaten by the chimera? And on that note, you say that "His heart thumped in my chest" which to me stands out as the oddest line of writing I've seen in a while. And frankly, it's sheer oddity distracts from your focus of the piece. Next up, The Right Choice. This is a very well-written, engaging scene. I liked your description of the Dyad and the whole two-faced theme -- it works well in the theme of having to choose between to different things. My only quibble is that, to the reader, the third choice is utter madness. There's no indication that your narrator can walk through walls, there's no indication of any third choice whatsoever, and so when the protagonist makes that choice, the reader almost feels cheated out of a result. Other than that though, well done. And let me add that, given the title, it would have most appropriate to have the narrator turn to the right, and it would have been supremely ironic to have him take the left door. :PAnd finally, Feel Good. I thoroughly enjoyed this poem. It's a great allegory; it feels like something like Stone Soup or The Tortoise and the Hare. And that's fine, that kind of tale has it's own positives. But with that style comes it's own negative aspects, chief among them oversimplified characterization. Character shifts never happen as quickly as those bedtime tales imply, and with this poem you skip the slow, gradual, more convincing style shift for one that will teach a lesson quickly. That's, like I said, perfectly alright, but just be aware of what you're doing here. The other thing is that many of your lines don't rhyme with "good", but you use that word in places where there should be a rhyme [according the rhyme scheme you've set up]. It just breaks the flow of poem a bit, that's all.

So for flash fiction, I do a review of the three pieces? Just checking.

@Epics Results: Well, wow, sorta didn't expect that, but I'll take it. It was fun, anyways, and a big congratulations to Teams Three (and Four and Two!). They were all very well written, and I enjoyed reading them. As for the short stories event, I've got a couple of ideas, for COT version, I might get something written. Still wracking my brains for some inspiration about BZKoro.

So, just out if curiosity, now that we're done the epics event, when will the SS event be announced?

Hi there Nuile! Dunno if you remember me, not from the sscc this time, just passing through Just wanted to through this out there: your opening lines remind me of a movie. I can't quite place the movie itself, but there's something telling me I've seen/read/heard those lines before. Maybe Star Wars Episode 2? :/Anyhow, I love how you've quickly summarized the recent events and describes Kaomata's involvement, and for us, who know all about the Mata Nui/Teridax fight, this ties in very well. I particularly enjoyed your description of the instant Mata Nui brings life to Bara Magna. Well done there. I feel like the initial encounter by the water escalated far too quickly. He comes out fighting, rather than revealing himself and throwing out a warning before striking, which, given his mutation, is understandable. But then he meets Hahli, who he's been wondering about. They were good friends previously and they remain good friends, but they try to kill each other. Hahli knows him; why wouldn't she call off the Ga-Matoran and Agori? I think a big part that breaks the sense of realism is that even after all that, they are still friends, no questions asked. The last time they met, they tried to kill each other, but now they're just hanging out on a tree doing nothing. Overall though, great story. Brilliantly written fight scene btw, it was quite awesome.