Snoopy82

I used to hit over a hundred posts a day a while a go, but that was only during one or two summers when there was nothing else to do

Haha I thought I had tried to accept everyone, sorry But thank you four for welcoming me back.

For 12th Doctor: Alan Cumming. That is all.

I'm with Ryuujin here. I think I'm being blackmailed :/ Anyway, there was a topic a loooong time ago asking this same question and I got this PM from Screenguy: Completely unprovoked, and I had never spoken to him before. It was absurd.

I googled "Bionicle" and this was the second or third thing that came up. I didn't lurk at all, I joined up right away.

Wow, that's a really impressive trip. I wish I could do something like that, but it's way to hard to take all that time away, especially for my parents. And lol about the $100, I once used a ten that was printed in 1995 at a 7/11 and it looked so different that the guy held me up for ten minutes making sure I wasn't trying to pull anything fast by him.

My first thought on seeing the topic title was the Makuta, as a species in general. Obviously, controlling all of the powers that they did, they could have probably mopped the floor with the Toa, whether in 2001, 2003, or 2008. But, since this is a kids toy line that couldn't happen obviously So, looking at the "villain of the year" types, I would go with the Bohrok-Kal. Rahi were just filler while the Toa got it together. The Bohrok had mass numbers, but weren't especially powerful and even Matoran could take them out. 2004-2005 are out, given that the villains were either eh like the Visorak, or we never say their true potential like Roodaka. The Piraka and Barakki were cool but kinda powerless, and the Makuta were problematic for what I just said. So, the Bohrok-Kal. IIRC they pretty much decimated the Toa (third book, right?) and were defeated with what pretty much amounted to a Deus-ex machina (a really cool one however ) so I'd go with them.

Hello everyone! I know it's been a million and a half years since I've been around here, but unfortunately I was dealing with some real-life-things so BZP took a backseat for a while. Thankfully, now all that has mostly passed over and school is done so I have literally nothing to do. So, I have decided to be active more. I don't know how many--if anyone--will remember me but hopefully I can make a positive impact while I'm back. I was going to make a post a while ago, saying I was sorry I was gone, but for a while I thought it was fitting that my last blog post was the last chapter of my last epic. That said, I looked it over before I started writing this. Whatever that is, unfortunately the BZ-Metru Story is complete garbage. Whoever wrote it should be ashamed of themselves! ...Ehehe well anyway to that end I really do not like what I have gone out on and because of that I have decided to go out in one last blaze of glory. Well, when I say go out I mean that presumptuously--I head out to college September 22, and I don't foresee much free time for BZP after that unfortunately :/ I'm going to a rather rigorous school so I doubt I could fit it in with all the other stuff I plan on getting involved in. But who knows, hopefully I can still be a little active after that! So, tonight, June 13 (well, it turned over into the 14th while I was typing), I have started writing one last epic. It is not going to be an action-centered story like the BZ-Metru Story was. Obviously there will still be action--and I anticipate lots of it--but I hope to make it much more focused on the characters and specifically the relationship between a core group. I hope to use this blog for (among just everyday thoughts and updates) the creation of that epic. I know what I want the setting to be, I know where I want it to start, and I know where I want it to end. I don't know how to get there quite yet. My goal is to have this thing be MAX twenty chapters, roughly 2000 to 3000 words each--even more. 10-12 longer chapters would be much more preferred. I intend to start posting July 14th and post one chapter each Sunday from then until I'm done (obviously I'll adjust as needed). So, for anyone who's made it this far, I ask one question to get things rolling: let's say you're on Mata-Nui. You have the original six Turaga: Vakama, Nuju, Whenua, Nokama, Onewa, and Matau (I'm proud of myself, I remembered 4 of 6 ). Which one is you're least favorite? Which one would you least like to have as a leader? Thanks, and makes sure to leave any comments, suggestions for the epic, or general thoughts in the comments.

Ignition--a wonderful story that fully deserves to win. I read a number of others beside these 5 and I believe it is one of the best by far.

Just got back from a weekend trip; I'll take TONTOS' and iBrow's tomorrow.

Ahaha, yeah, the bane of writers everywhere--I can't count how many times I've written something, said "oh look how long this is," and posted it, only to see how miserably short it is.

This deserves line-by-line... good work, but needs some improvement. See below for suggestions. A few notes--good, but you need some work. Watch your grammar/phrasing, use more description and atmospheric device, and as I said space between paragraphs. Good for an early attempt, but work on it some more.

Generally, a pretty good story. I rather do like the wonderfully vivid descriptions you provide, in addition to the whole premise of the plot. I also like the whole mystery element that draws the reader in--as someone who barely remembers that specific comic, the uncertainty really made the read enjoyable. The song fits in quite well with the story, so good job in that regard. As a barebones story, it works pretty well--that said, however, I do think there are a few areas you could improve. Being that your descriptive prose is in fact very good, I think you could expand on it. I know you were trying for the whole song-story balance, but I think considering that a. the lyrics are strong enough to compensate for imbalance and b. its rather short, you could have afforded some more imbalance. A final, minute point: watch your phrasing at times. It becomes awkward in a few places, enough that it takes away from the description. Read over things out loud if you have to to achieve clarity of thought, or at the very least read over them in your head. I've found it works very well.

Yep, it's meant to be set on Mata Nui. The epic will likewise be set on Mata Nui, and describe the pre-Toa events of the Matoran. I see where you're coming from, in some respects--however, I didn't want to give them names, lest I become hedged into granting them too much story behind them. I was trying to keep them distanced from both myself and the reader, so they could act as a sort of "everyMatoran," if you will. :PThanks for the comments everyone!

EW-- I generally use the phrase "knew no more" to convey the entrance into unconsciousness. They retained all memories. I can understand in hindsight that I probably should have chosen a better descriptive device, but hey, a habit's a habit.

I have reviewed What We Destroy. I highly recommend to any interested in a good read.

SSCC ReviewExcellent work! I must say, I am being completely honest when I say it is one of the best short stories I have read on BZP--everything about it is perfect. Now, that might just be my personal preferences talking (you have succeeded in including everything I love about a story ), but I would think most would agree. A few specifics: I love the mystery that you perpetuate around the other figure's identity. You allow the reader to formulate so many different theories in such a short span that I believe "masterful" best describes it. Also, the anticlimax at the end is great. I happen to love endings that are just revealing enough to be satisfying, but also leave enough to the imagination to make the reader want more. The whole epilogue is wonderful--sure, it doesn't necessarily convey action or dialogue, but it gives me as a reader such a sense of "what just happened, but whatever it was, it was nbd" that it becomes hauntingly satisfying.As for criticisms, there's not much I can say--your style, tone, etc. are all excellent. Watch your spelling at times (darn homonyms), but generally you're pretty good about that.Once again, great job! A well deserved 9.5/10 overall.

To become a critic, you must PM myself [snoopy82] or Velox. We do not want this thread to be filled up with requests to become a critic. Also, if you wish to become a critic, or are a critic, you may still request a review.Critic Screening ~ Critics Screening just means that I will screen everyone before they become a critic, and ask them if they are able to fulfill the guidelines set for critics below. I will make my decision, and ask Velox for his input. If we are not in agreement, we will send your request out to the other critics for a vote. If your review was unsatisfactory, we will give you tips on how to improve, and you will be given a second chance. After a second unsatisfactory review, you must wait two months before re-applying. If you are rejected a second time, you may not reapply.Note: To save yourself the embarrassment of being rejected twice, please only apply if you are serious about delivering in-depth reviews to requesters. Critic duties ~ Every short story will have a critic assigned to it. Velox and I will be keeping careful track of how many go to each critic, so that no one person gets an advanced workload. If a critic does not complete his review within one week of the assignment, the critic in question will receive a strike. If the critic has informed us beforehand that he will be unable to review, the strike will be dropped. When a critic accumulates five strikes he will be released. No Ifs, Ands, or Buts. To reapply, the critic must wait two months. If a critic is released twice, they will not be allowed to return to the SSCC. Once again, please only apply if you can review at least one short story every two weeks, and complete each review in one week.Reviews ~ Each critic is required to give a full, in-depth review. Following these guidelines set by Nikira in her blog [sure, it was written for art, but it works for literature, too] would be a good start, but one can review however they wish, as long as it is helpful. We encourage correcting the spelling/grammar as well as giving your thoughts on the plot, characters, etc. You must give positive feedback and constructive criticism. WE WILL NOT accept simple posts saying "I love it! KUTGW 3443543/2323!". If you like the short story, tell the writer why. If you don't, tell the author why politely, and say how said author can improve. Some good advice would be that of ToM Dracone given to the Comedies Critic Club [easily applicable to this club]: Civility ~ If you are rude to either myself, Velox, another critic, a requester, or ANYONE, for that matter, you will be released and not allowed to reapply. No questions asked.Review Notification ~ As soon as you review a short story, post saying so! Give a link and the author's name- it's that simple. Just take thirty seconds of your time and post to say what you reviewed. Please do not PM Velox or myself with review notifications; post them here.General Stuff ~ If you do not give proper reviews, you might be removed from the critics list and placed on a suspension. Of course, you'll have a few warnings and chances, but if you continuously give spammy or rude reviews, you will be asked to leave. So, please, just follow these guidelines. I will be working with you guys to make sure you give good reviews. If you have any questions about a proper review, DO NOT hesitate to PM me.-Snoopy82

Member name: Snoopy82Entry: Deep into Darkness

This is a preview of my new epic. It is also my entry for the SS contest. Happy Halloween! ______ Two Le-Matoran stumbled down a wooded ravine, neither sure of where they were going. The air around them was cold and the sky was unnaturally dark—the sun’s efforts to reach them were defeated by the layers of thick, leafy tree canopies above them. “I told you we shouldn’t go out,” said the tall one. “Shut up,” said the short, round one. He tripped and fell first into a small creek. The tall one burst out laughing, both amused and thankful at the chance to stop. “So,” tall one said, taking a seat on the ground, “how many Rahi have we seen?” Short one spat a number of venomous curses in his companion’s direction. “None. That doesn’t mean I was wrong.” “But it does mean I was right.” Shorty sighed. “Look, I only know what I was told. That kid back in the village said he saw some animal or something, so the Turaga told us to check it out.” “You’re missing the point,” tall said. “I said that kid didn’t see anything. We both know he didn’t. If you don’t, you’re just… well, you’re just being stupid.” He glanced over his shoulder, before continuing somewhat ominously. “And we both know it’s time for the tribute.” Shorty laughed patronizingly. “Sure sure, I know all the stories. ‘Deep into darkness, a Matoran send, for the reign of terror, quickly to end.’ Do you really believe that? Do you really want me to believe that the Turaga would send two of his own to be eaten, or killed, or whatever you say, every month?” He looked away. “You’re the stupid one.” Tall sprung up. “Yeah, you laugh! You make fun of me, but you don’t realize what’s going on here! How many of us are there on this island? A hundred? Two hundred? And still we live in fear.” His companion stood. “Now wait a minute—” But Tall would not listen. “We out number him! We need to stand up to him, and show him the true power of what Matoran can do! There’s nothing that could stop us, if we put our minds to it! But not, instead we listen to feeble minded… twits like you who are fine with being slaves! ‘Oh no, the Toa will come they’ll save us…’ You’re the fool for believing that, let me tell you. There are no Toa. There never have been and there never will. We all know the Turaga just tell those lies to calm the hopeless. We’re alone on the island, each one of us, in more ways than one. We need to forget our pointless bantering and actually… do something!” The air chilled. Silence bid its way into the forest, as the two stood motionless. Shorty grasped for something to say, his face containing a look of anger and disgust, but he soon turned away. Tall at last spoke. “Let’s get back to the village already. There are no Rahi, no Toa and no Makuta out here. We’ve wasted our day.” “Do you really doubt me?” Tall’s eyes narrowed. The voice had been higher and gentler than Shorty’s. He must have not heard correctly. “What did you say?” Shorty turned to face him. “I didn’t say anything.” “But then who…” “I did.” Tall one nearly jumped out of his armor. He spun around to see another Matoran wearing a cloak. The newcomer’s Kanohi was entirely hidden by shadows. “Who… who are you?” asked Tall, backing up. By now Shorty had noticed and had likewise turned around. He was equally stupefied. “I have many names,” began the newcomer. “Some call me Everything. Some call me Nothing. But you, my children, may call me Master.” Shorty chuckled. “That’s a good one, Master. But really, who are you and what are you doing here?” But Tall was not so oblivious. “I don’t think you should…” “Oh please, he’s obviously crazy and just looking for someone’s attention here.” Scarcely had the words left Shorty’s mouth when he rose from the ground and was flung against a tree—he screamed in pain as he fell to the ground. Tall tried to move to help his companion but found himself unable to move. The newcomer slowly walked over to the fallen Matoran, his footsteps making now sounds as he drifted across the forest floor. “Pity,” he said, a touch of irony in his voice, “that any of my children must leave me.” Shorty started to scream. He flailed his legs violently as he clutched his throat, his yells becoming more and more muted… until finally they faded all together. The newcomer paused, looking down at the now-dead Matoran, before turning to Tall. He slowly and deliberately paced around Tall, speaking as he walked. “And so,” he said, “you have seen the fate of those who challenge me. You… have realized my awesome power and woeful might. And for that, you will be rewarded.” Tall relaxed himself. He found himself once again able to speak. “Thank you… master… what I said early was just… just talk…” “Stop the apologetics, before I regret my decision. There are a thousand ways I could kill you, each one of them more painful than the last. I have made more powerful beings than you scream in utter horror—screams which would make your blood curdle and your ears cry for mercy. It is only by my benevolent grace and mercy that I do not decimate this island, and all those whom you call brother with it. No, you will not die. But rather you will serve as a reminder of my good will and you shall be a testimony to my hold over you.” In one fast motion, he threw back his hood. Tall was immersed in a bath of blood red terror. The newcomer’s eyes tore through Tall’s mind and soul, as though they searched through every moment of his life. All in one moment Tall’s greatest fears were realized around him, while he saw his greatest desires shattered. He saw his loved ones dead, as his enemies stood over their bodies. Every awful moment of his life was relived, even as the good were forgotten. It was over in a matter of seconds. Tall fell to the ground, twitching slightly. He muttered incomprehensible nonsense under his breath, his mind having been destroyed completely and utterly. The newcomer sighed. He replaced his hood, and his blood red eyes were once again hidden by the shadows of his cloak. He looked down at the now demented Matoran. “Do not forget. I am everything. I am everywhere. I am forever. I am Makuta.” And he was gone.

OOC: I've been waiting for Xaeraz to do something, but looks like he's MIA... :/ IC: Salmek saw the newcomer dive and knew what had to be done--he likewise lunged for the box, knocking over a table of books in the process. The two grappled on the ground for control of the box. Salmek spat endless curses as he wished he had strength enough to use his fire power, but alas, the cold had weakened him beyond repair.

IC: Salmek's pulse began to race as the newcomer picked up the box. Terrible, awful thoughts ran through his mind as the new Toa's hand clutched it... Kill them... you don't matter. They don't matter. None of it matters... destroy it all Salmek felt a pull which had ne'er felt before--a pull of pure evil. The box called to him, it wanted him. Salmek passively allowed the anger and hatred which the box was instilling to rise--if he did not possess the box, no one could. And so that is why, as the newcomer paused to glance toward him, Salmek slugged him right across the face. The box flew several feet backward, toward the door of the sanctum.

The BZ-Metru Story, Finale This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning. Winston Churchill This would have been the most opportune moment for Black Six to strike. Rama had stepped backward, his gun lowered. Dimensioneer was obviously in no state of mind to fight back—across his face was etched a flushed look of horror. The man standing before them wore black. In his hands, aimed at Dimensioneer, was a new AK47. His clothes were not ripped, nor bloody, nor did they show signs of wear whatsoever. His faced was completely shaved, and gone were the familiar bags and bloodshot eyes that had dogged his face. He had never, thought Six, looked better in his life. It was as if he had been completely reborn. “Dimensioneer, how good to see you again,” he said. Dimensioneer took a step back. “No… you… I shot you!” he screamed, his voice filled with fear. “You are mistaken, Dimensioneer,” said Ninjo, walking further into the room. He nodded at Black Six and Toaraga as he stopped next to them. “Hello, gentlemen. But yes, just as with so much else you are mistaken. You did not kill me. You killed your idea of me.” “But… what?” whispered Dimensioneer. Ninjo smiled. “You remember, of course, six long years ago when you infected and suspended me. You thought you had gained total control of me—again, you were wrong. The virus you gave me never truly took hold. My true self was always there, helplessly watching your creation carry out your madness. I began to fight back. I was losing that fight. And then you shot me.” Toaraga glanced at Six, whose vacant expression gave evidence that he was just as clueless. Ninjo continued. “Or rather, you shot your virus. You killed your own creation. With it gone I was free at last to take control of my facilities once more. And now I am here to end this madness.” He fired toward Rama and Dimensioneer, both of whom dove behind Dimensioneer’s desk. Rama began to return fire, which prompted the remaining three to jump behind the server. There was brief silence. Ninjo handed his gun to Toaraga. “Take out Rama. I’ll handle Dimensioneer. You,” he nodded to Six, handing him a knife from within his coat, “take him out while he’s distracted.” Six and Toaraga nodded. Ninjo stood and walked out from behind the server. He deflected gunshots—his administrative power having not been removed—with a wave of his hand. “Come out, coward, and fight me face to face!” The two still behind the server heard a furious yell and an explosion as they were temporarily blinded by a bright flash. They inched over to the other side—but they were met by a furry of gunshots. Rama was waiting for them. “Fire at him. Cover me,” said Toaraga. He leaned out and fired. Six ducked out and crouched under a desk that was built into the wall. About fifty feet in-front of him he could see Rama, likewise crouched under a desk. The row of desk’s against the side wall extended until it reached the corner, where there was a gap. Another explosion rocked the chamber. Six knew he had to hurry. He crawled along under the desks, feeling shrapnel and debris hitting his right side. He didn’t know if it was from Ninjo and Dimensioneer or if Rama had begun firing at him. He reached the end of the wall. Rama was now merely ten feet away from him, oblivious due to the noise of his own gun. Six knew he only had one shot. He lunged forward at Rama. He landed on top of him, but the knife missed. Rama reacted by swiping his gun at Six. Both the gun and the knife went flying—it would now be a fist fight. Toaraga had stopped firing, for fear that he might now hit Six. Rama swung a punch at Six, knocking him off of him. Six leapt to his feet and reached for the knife, mere feet from where he stood—but Rama was too fast. He too stood and punched Six square in the head. Six yelled as he felt his jaw snap, and Rama clutched his hand. Six took the brief opportunity to kick the knife to Toaraga before he lunged at and grabbed Rama’s arms. They struggled, each grappling for the upper hand—then Six saw his opportunity. He thrust all his weight into Rama, forcing his opponent back… straight into the knife, held by Toaraga. Rama’s eyes widened. He stumbled a few feet to the server, and, with a horrific smile, slumped across the server keyboard. On the screen a command prompt appeared. When Toaraga and Six walked over to see it, the final pieces of Dimensioneer’s plan became clear. “Hapori Dume…” whispered Six. “The citizens will recognize Dimensioneer as their leader, remember what Bink said?” Toaraga nodded grimly. “Take the knife and gun and help Ninjo. I’ll see if I can stop this.” Black Six took the knife and grabbed Rama’s gun from the ground. He walked in front of the server and found Ninjo and Dimensioneer locked in combat. Blue flames emanated from their hands, each locking in the middle of the room. Chunks of debris lay on the ground around them. A ring of fire surrounded Ninjo, and a greenish tint surrounded Dimensioneer. Six tried firing at Dimensioneer, but the green haze deflected them. Six looked over to Ninjo, who returned the gaze. That split second of lost concentration allowed Dimensioneer’s flames to overcome Ninjo. He was thrown backward. He began to writhe, just as had Binkmeister. Shock paralyzed Six—but as he stood in pure disbelief he acted. He felt as though he were not acting of his own accord, but as though he were independent of himself. In a rush of anger, sorrow, and pure rage, he lunged forward. Dimensioneer was caught completely off guard, being so driven to finish of Ninjo. Two blows from the knife—one to the heart, one to the stomach—felled the administrator. Dimensioneer fell dead. The flames, the tint, and the blue glow disappeard. There was silence. Bloody, sweaty, and chest heaving, Six dropped the knife and stumbled to Ninjo. He was still breathing, but he had been assaulted long enough that he was beyond hope. With tear-filled eyes he looked up at Six, no longer as enemies but once again as old friends. “Six…” Six looked down at the man who had been his friend and mentor. His eyes teared as well. Ninjo spoke. “I’m sorry for everything I did. I can only hope that this makes up for it all. Death… is the just payment for my crimes.” He struggled for breathe between words. Six shook his head. “No… it was none of your fault… you were…” But Ninjo had breathed his last. Six lowered his head. “SIX!” Six slowly rose and limped to Toaraga, who was still at the server keyboard. “Well?” Toaraga shook his head grimly. “This is beyond anything I know. There’s no way to stop it.” Six slumped into a chair. “There’s no need to. It is what has to be done, Toaraga. The people of BZ-Metru have seen what no one should ever have to see. We have to stay here. We have to lead them to a better future.” He dropped his head into his hands. Toaraga opened his mouth to speak, but thought it better to stay silent and sit. The server started buzzing, softly at first before crescendoing into a deafening roar. It would only take minutes, Six reasoned, for Hapori Dume to do its work. Necessary work. After almost two years of endless war, endless death, and endless despair… there was no other way to go on. Anyone who suffered as BZ-Metru had could not go on, could not shove its problems under the rug. The past must be forgotten This was the only way for all to be made right. The city would be reborn. The world would go on. Peace would once again reign, the Great Civil War nothing but a distant memory… With only Black Six and Toaraga to shoulder its misery. The server started to glow ominously. Six held his head up and waited. He was thrown backwards by a deafening explosion. A great blinding light filled his eyes, which quickly faded into overwhelming darkness, and Black Six knew no more. THE END

Yes, it's over. I know, not the smash ending some of you may have been hoping for--but of the two possible storylines I could have pursued, this was easily the most do-able. It is quit the far cry from my original intentions for the ending, but that would have droned on would a long while. Even so, the one you got does contain many elements of the original, just condensed. Some details had to be compromised, but hey, use your imagination and write some fanfics about it.