Zatth

Chapter 14 Valendale’s task was, oddly enough, quite simple. If his other companions had found out what he had to do, they most likely would have revolted. Perhaps they would’ve organized a demonstration spanning the entire (known) universe, demanding more seriousness in plot points and heroic destinies; I imagine Lewa would’ve protested always being put under the control of other beings, Mata Nui and Toa Ignika would’ve fought it out over who was the greatest hero, and Nick Bluetooth would’ve asked for everyone else to take Galidor seriously. Valendale’s task entailed crossing to the other side of Zakaz. This wasn’t even a perilous journey, necessitating travel along fault lines of the island. It did not entail traversing the war path of bloodthirsty warlords. Valendale found himself crossing across a road paved out of yellow bricks. Shockingly, Valendale could only see a few footsteps, leading him to believe that no one had thought to go down this path[1]. Valendale went down the path. Very soon, Valendale came upon beautiful green towers jutting in the distance. The sun glistened off of them, and made the entire radius around him appear shimmering, submerged in a sea of green. “Why isn’t it made of ice?” Valendale asked himself, visibly annoyed. He walked up to the pillar closest to the path, and knocked on it to see if anyone answered. Nothing. Then he noticed a strange crevice from the side of one of the columns. Valendale looked left. Then right. Then, certain no one was watching, fully took to the crevice, digging his finger inside. Immediately, the crevice opened up to reveal a panel and a keyboard. Wasting no time, Valendale got to typing away. “I’m in,” he said in a voice befitting that of those who start clacking away at a keyboard to make it seem as if they have gained some sort of entry point into a mainframe of some sort.[2] As soon as Valendale was done typing, the panel closed off again. For a second, he wondered if he’d hacked into the mainframes, and zoomed and enhanced all of the pictures. For a second, he wondered if it would all be fixed by turning it off and then on again. Then he realized that was a silly solution, that never worked. And then, he felt a slight rumble. He wondered whether he had forgotten to eat. He wondered whether his journey would, in fact, have some sort of real obstacle for him to overcome. And just as he began to think about these ideas more seriously, he noticed the giant emerald towers were vibrating, then rising up, and then flying into outer space, propulsion engines propelling them from the ground. For Valendale, the now expansive plain meant he kept walking. For the millions of dormant proto-life beings within the structures, the violent propulsion, coupled with Valendale’s typing (which, in the end, had been various headcannons for characters, powers, and storylines he hoped to one day put on paper), would force the dormant life to slowly evolve, eventually settling upon the planet we now know as Homeworld[1]. [1] In case you were wondering, the footsteps belonged to Dorothy Gail and her crew, as well as Robert Frost, for when he spoke of the road less travelled by, he meant to call the road yellow, but instead called the woods yellow. In fact, the Yellow Woods exist only in Universe 212-Fahrenheit. [2] Of course, Valendale didn’t have the faintest idea of what to type, but then again, neither do movie stars. I mean, zoom and enhance? Talk about suspension of disbelief! [1] Which would later lead us to Steven Universe. By Rebecca Sugar Valendale.

It's that time of the month again! However, this month we're trying something different: a behind the scenes look at the live episode from last month! Let us know what you thought of this episode, as well as who you'd like to see next in the series! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlkQfwyzUBY

Unfortunately, it fluoresced not because of the UV light, but because of some Cambridge Orcs nearby..... Fun fact: in many locales around the city there is a swear jar so that if anyone names the other place, they have to put in one quid.

Yup, they had Aragonite and all the other fluorescent ones in a closed off wooden chamber; you entered through curtains and it was pitch-black. It was amazing.

Chapter 13 If one were to, say, have the possibility to become an aerial camera, endowed with omniscient powers, one would probably be the narrator of this story[1]. One would also probably be able to steer that camera until it fell upo- No, not there! Come on, work with me here, reader. Yes. Yes, that’s right. Move the camera away from that future plot point. We’re not there yet, and there’s no peeking. Now look over there. Over there! What do you mean you can’t see where I’m pointing?! It’s extremely obvio- Oh, pardon me! I’ve forgotten once again the metaphysical barriers that separate us. Dear, dear me. Alright then, let me paint the picture for your camera to train itself. If one were to have the ability to become an aerial camera, one would find itself trained upon a little dinghy plowing across the sea, the sole passenger/crew member/slap connoisseur standing across the poop deck, which really wasn’t very smart when it came to navigating. Ha ha. I said deck. Standing across the poop deck was Xaeraz, and if one’s aerial camera were still working[2], one would see Xaeraz wistfully staring off into the distance, head unmoving as it stared triumphantly into the horizon. One would be inclined to believe that Xaeraz was deep in thought about a very important and thought-provoking matter, like where exactly he’d find what he was sent to retrieve, or what Homeworld really thought about fusions, or if the smell of pork rinds was truly that despicable. In fact, Xaeraz was simply quiet because he needed to hear his mask, not moving his head because he needed as much stillness as possible, and stared of heroically into the distance because it was the best angle to catch the rays of light for him to keep fine tuning his visors. “Hrmph,” Xaeraz muttered as he kept finagling with the visors, though the noise sounded more like Richard Nixon than a Toa resigned to wearing a mask that was a true eye sore. Soon, however, he saw that no longer did his elf eyes only see sea, no longer were they watching watches[3], but now spotted an island. “There it is. Artidax.” And for once, Xaeraz allowed himself to smile. Perhaps this wouldn’t be too bad after all? No sooner had he entertained this thought[4], however, that he felt a deep rumbling coming from the island. Suddenly, a volcano erupted in lava, Though, now that I think about it, nothing else really is supposed to erupt from a volcano. It probably would’ve been more judicious on my part to write “a volcano erupted”, but alas, I have typed the words, and computers don’t have any kind of tool to correct your mistaks, so you justhave to roll with them. Anywho, a volcano erupted, and through the fire and flames appeared a shadowy figure, illuminated by the glow of the lava. Xaeraz tried to zoom in to see who it was, but this wasn’t really necessary, as the figure made its presence known very soon. “MY NAME IS NAPOLEON BLOWNAPART. YOU KEELED MY CAREER. PREPARE TO DIE.” [1] Luckily for you all, I am not one, but three young children in a trenchcoat. [2] which can only be assured if you bought it with the three year warranty [3] (due in part to The Persistence of Memory making a cameo appearance in out heroes’ universe) [4] by offering it biscuits and tea, then holding a conversation with it, and finally playing a round of Kanye, Dril, Hamlet, or Izaak

yes very srs indeed

Didn't even get time to reap the benefits; Gandhi swooped in and conquered everything before I could do much

There's a tower built by William the Conqueror, it's one of the two oldest buildings on campus. And it's a block away from my flat. I pass it on my way out every morning. What is this place and can I haz it forever. (also hi yes i am safe and sound and england is lovely)

Chapter 12 Sumiki found the Turaga easily enough. Only a few miles away from where Team Farm Animals had split up, Sumiki kept going in the direction he was told to until he saw a hovel with some pots and pans hanging outside, as a fire burned inside. “I see a hovel with some pots and pans hanging outside, and a fire burning inside,” Sumiki said. “That’s probably not on par with fire safety regulations.” “What’s that about rules?!” screeched the Turaga, jumping out from behind a rock. For a second, Sumiki was startled. Then, looking at the rock, he deduced the Turaga had been waiting for him. “Have you been waiting for me?” Sumiki asked. “Or is this just a pre-prepared dramatic entrance upon which you wait behind that rock until some traveller passes by?” Defeated, the Turaga nodded. “Well, whatever,” Sumiki continued. After all, he needed the Turaga’s help. “I need your help. I’m supposed to go on a quest and-“ “Yes!” the Turaga yelled. Sumiki stopped and stared at the Turaga. How rude! “How ru-“ “Yes, it’s rude!” the Turaga yelled again. Sumiki stopped. He waited, eyeing the Turaga, who just stared back. “Any-“ “The quest?!” Sumiki opened his mouth as the Turaga did too, and then closed it. “Aha! You’ve just been trying to interrupt me!” “Well, at least it was fun,” the Turaga grumbled. “But the quest! You must go to the island of the stone, where rocks, boulders, and mountains abound. There, vanquish one of each, and then you will find what you seek!” Sumiki flashed back to the boulder explosion on Zakaz and the pebble[1] that tore through his leg. But then he envisioned it differently. Maybe this didn’t have to be a repeat of history. Maybe… “This can be my chance at revenge upon pebbles[2]!” “BUT WAIT. THERE’S MORE!” the Turaga yelled at Sumiki. He waited. Nothing. “Are y-“ “You must bring something else with you!” “Is it walnuts?” “Wha- no, no,” the Turaga replied, not understanding why Sumiki would offer such a silly suggestion substituting something sensible. Sumiki sighed. “Fine then, what is it?” “THIS!” the Turaga yelled as he brought out his palm. It was closed. “It’s closed,” Sumiki said. “Are you going to open it?” … “Mayyyyyybe.” For some reason, Sumiki felt a nagging presence in the back of his head telling him that this was a bad idea. Something about the deal seemed off to him, but he couldn’t seem to put his finger on it. Probably because the Turaga’s palm was still closed and so Sumiki couldn’t touch whatever the thing was. “Well, are you going to open it?!” Sumiki finally asked, wishing he could just head out somewhere nicer, like debating the fine points of colours at the island of Visorak. “BEHOLD!” the Turaga yelled. In his open palm sat a cylindrical something. It was squishy, with odd colours and an even stranger smell. But Sumiki’s worst fears were confirmed. “My worst fears are confirmed!” he yelled as he eyed the thing in the Turaga’s palm. For it was a sushi roll. [1] walnut [2] walnuts

(feat. college freshman pablo)

You asked for it (at least, I hope you did), and here it is!

Chapter 11 Mr. and Mrs. Dursley of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. Unfortunately, I must point out two things: The first, is that since the concept of normalcy is only a very recent phenomenon, and furthermore, no one truly is normal since everyone is, relatively speaking, unique, the above thought from the Dursleys, while quite understandable and quaint, is very wrong. The second is that this is not the story of the Dursleys, though I am sure you can scour the Internet for a while and find quite a lot of stories from the point of view of those two. No, this is the chapter of Pablo, The Understood, King of the Walnuts, The Awful Faces, and of the First Puns, Breaker of Ch- Sorry, got my notes mixed up again. My, oh my! You’d think I have a better grasp of what subject to discuss in every chapter and every book![1] No, this is the chapter on Zatth. Zatth of number four, Kikinalo Drive, was very proud to say that he was perfectly silly, thank you very much. Granted, his hold on reality wasn’t always the most solid[2], but it oftentimes allowed him rare moments of brilliance so utterly odd, that he had to congratulate himself when they happened. Getting involved in the Punic Wars was one of those moments. For just as Zatth had been commandeered to do, he sailed out to one of the Southern Island chains to find what he was sent to retrieve, only to disembark and see two large armies amassing. “How odd,” Zatth said as he disembarked. “Woof. Also, how strange that all of those armies seem to be getting ready to fight but there are no weapons!” A head popped up from behind a rock. “Well, that’s because you’re witnessing the final battle of the Punic Wars,” the head said while pointing towards the open field. “Wait, how can you point if you’re just a head?” asked Zatth. Ah, sorry. Almost forgot. Ahem, The figure walked from behind the rock, showing[3] that he was a full body, and not just a floating head. Because if he was only a head, that would, truly, be 3spooky5u. “Oh, that makes more sense!” Zatth added. “At least you stayed ahead of my next question!” But oddly enough, the figure didn’t admonish Zatth, saying ‘That was terrible’ and smacking him[4], but instead paused in his step and turned to look at Zatth with a look of gratitude. “You… you made a pun just out of the blue? Just like that?” “What, like it’s hard?” asked Zatth. The figure looked at Zatth, and then fell on his knees, as his voice faltered. Then, he stood up. “Sorry, I… I just had to compose myself-” Before, he could continue, Zatth interrupted. “So where’s the treble clef and the musical notation?” Beat. “You might just be able to end this war once and for all,” the figure said, hugging Zatth and crying tears of joy. [1] Duly noted. [2] In fairness, there is no hold on reality at all in this series because first, we deal with many realities, and second, because you can’t hold reality. I’m sorry, but that’s the reality. [3] And correcting the mistake in narration [4] No, the figure didn’t, but I will. “That was terrible,” the narrator said as he imagined himself smacking Zatth for the pun/

This is all I wanted from that Meet The Staff episode. I can retire happily now.

(hi micah hi hiiiiiiiiiii *waves uncontrollably*)

Once you accept it as another way to own self-deprecating humour, it truly becomes an art. Also, update: (Had to make a promotional image for the upcoming season of 'Pablo & Pablo')

(currently adding onto this thing of beauty by adding Picasso and Neruda poking their heads by the sides)

Yeah, it just kind of happened that, as we were leaving to the hotel, I asked the few members at the Expo if they wanted to come. But I have been toying around with the idea of, next year, doing another live interview and letting people know when it'll be so they can be part of the live studio audience!

Chapter 10 Avohkah Tamer crept behind another building. His eyes darted across the vast open space around him, and only when he was fully certain that there was no danger did he give his guide the go-ahead to join him. Normally, Avohkah Tamer wasn’t too glad to have to work with a member of the Hand of Karzahni, but if he wanted to get in and out of the island of Visorak alive and with the package he had to secure, he basically needed to cover all of his bases. So here he was with the one member of the Hand native to Visorak. Tobduk. If you’ve never met Tobduk, you aren’t missing out on much. If you haven’t fought alongside Tobduk, count yourself lucky. It’s oftentimes much more effective to fight alongside a giant marshmallow man, or a paranoid android, or even an arthritic goat[1]. The reason why it is so unlucky to have Tobduk as a battle companion, is that he happens to feed off of the confusion of those around him. And since most have a basic understanding of battle plans, or at least a basic level of making things up-iness, this renders Tobduk utterly useless. Except today. “Over by that cliff,” he pointed at a large cliff that looked like an animal’s face. Not one AT could name, however; this creature seemed to have an elongated snout and ever open eyes. Quite odd. “Where by the cliff? I can’t see anything matching the description of the package,” replied AT as he looked out at the mountain once again. Almost imperceptibly, Tobduk felt himself become physically stronger. “No, not by the cliff. IN the cliff,” he explained to AT as he pointed at the snout of the animal’s face. Now AT could see the slight variations in the stone, the different arrays of colours and sediment types, that worked together to make the face jutting out of the stone. “Oh, I see it now!” AT exclaimed as he motioned to Tobduk to follow him. “It’s the part of the sculpture that’s…” AT paused for a second, then remembered he was in the middle of a hostile island, and so resumed the walk. “I don’t think I have a name for the color of the stones by where you’re pointing” “I guess I don’t either,” added Tobduk. He helped AT cross by some crumbled debris, while also paying closer attention to the stone. “It looks like a cross between yellow and orange,” said AT as he began to formulate a plan for how to blast the rocks away and reveal the package. “So… like yorange?”[2] AT stopped once again. “What?” “Yorange. The color I just made up to describe the stone’s hue” “I… I don’t… I can’t… I… I just…” AT struggled to find the right way to explain that no, this word couldn’t be, because one couldn’t just make up a word by mixing two other words together. But before he could explain this, AT heard a loud clattering, and upon turning to face the noise, saw an onslaught of Visorak spiders heading their way. [1] You should actually try out this last one: oh what fun that battle was! Especially the potential for puns. My personal favourite from that evening: “Goat any last words?” Ha ha! (The only downside is the need to feed them salt from sideways mountains. They DO covet that nutrient) [2] Or, to us, Keetorange

Hello, everyone! This month's episode is a special one, because it was done live on location during BrickFair VA! So here's a live interview with Sumiki! As always, feel free to leave feedback: what you thought, who you'd like to see next, etc. Enjoy! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDtvnmA9tA4

JUST GOT BACK FROM A QUICK LITTLE VACATION AND WAS SO PUMPED ABOUT UPDATING TEAM FARM ANIMALS THAT IT COULDN'T WAIT SO HERE IT IS ENJOY (i'm very tired)

Chapter 9 So very sorry about that delay in the next chapter, I do hope you weren’t left on the edge of your seat in suspense[1]. You’d be shocked at how much harder it becomes to research specific aspects of Team Farm Animals’ exploits, especially when their universe seems to be lacking in some sort of centralized hub for information and record-keeping. Granted, I also had to take care of some little things. You know, saving a world about to be destroyed by a walnut bent on the destruction of all macadamia nuts, categorizing the various species in the Teletubbies world through binomial nomenclature[2], the usual. What’s that? You don’t save universes on a regular basis while researching and writing the chronicles of a ragtag group of unlikely heroes. I’m so sorry. How dull it must be to be you. Anyways, enough about me. Back to the story you want to resume. “Who are you?” asked Zatth. “Who are you?” asked Sumiki. “Who are you?” attempted to ask Xaeraz, but failed because an emphasis on the ‘who’ doesn’t really accomplish much when it comes to obtaining new information. I am someone who has wanted to meet you for quite a while, the being replied. His piercing eyes kept looking straight at the Toa. For you Toa are destined to go on a great mission, to come together as a team and fulfill exploits that will go down in history! Zatth suddenly became very interested. The chance to go down in history? He looked at the other Toa. They seemed more hesitant. “What are you?” asked Avohkah Tamer. He didn’t seem too convinced. I am a being similar to you all, but different in other regards, the being replied. “Do you wear a mask?” asked Valendale, pointing at his face. Yes. It is the Kanohi Botox. “Ooh! Sounds fancy!”[3] said Zatth as he jotted down the mask’s name. Anyways, enough about me, the being continued. I am here to guide you all towards your first proper adventure. One that will involve the skills you each possess, all mounting up to a great reward and a great power. But I cannot say more until you all agree to participate. “That seems kind of unfair, doesn’t it?” asked Sumiki, in perhaps one of the few shards of logical thinking in this entire litany of silliness. … Mayyyyyybe. The Toa looked at the strange being. He had made a dramatic entrance, and was now promising brilliant rewards. But they understood it had to be a decision made by all of them, not just by one. They retired to discuss their options. Finally, they came to an agreement. They sent Avohkah Tamer as their representative to deliver the final verdict. Have you chosen? Asked the being. Avohkah Tamer stared at him, fighting past the urge to turn away from the unblinking stare. He stared and stared, his face almost as unmoving as the Kanohi Botox. And finally, after what felt like enough of a dramatic pause, his eyes widened, his grin grew grotesquely, and in an oddly cheerful voice he said “SURE!” And somewhere, Sumiki’s Dad lost it. [1] Though if you were, kudos on such a balancing act! Maintaining that precarious position for three weeks? Such dexterity, very impressive, much wow! [2] The living baby sun and the Noo-noo were especially difficult to categorize. You can find the results of my research in my new book, Fantastic Beasts And What To Name Them or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Biological Taxonomy [3] And it was. It was supposed to go in a Mask Pack, but at the last second was vetoed by those who made masks. It was replaced by the Kanohi Elda. That year seemed to revolve around strange features on a face, it seems.

Yes, I apologize. I should've planned out in advance that GMIF and BrickFair would take up more of my time To show that I do know where we're headed (and I've just been a lazy walnut who hasn't been able to sit down and write), here are some glimpses into the next chapter: MASK OF BOTOX SUIT OF ARMOUR MORE TERRIBLE DIALOGUE (i sorry, i just not have had enuff time to do stuff)

PABLO SEES EVERYTHING (but for realsies, at, you wizard, this video is golden)