MT Zehvor

GO CARDINALS!!!!! -MT

Who shouldn't have been in the playoffs anyway... -MT

Yeah. Cardinals! -MT

Potential Threat Assessment. Again, most of you knew this already, but I'm keeping an eye on the Bohrok group who apparently are the successors of the Vahki. As of 1-29-09 they are not active, still trying to come together. I wonder what they'll be trying to do this time, still no word on that or who their leader is. More later. -MT

The Indianapolis Colts' foreign scout flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play American Football in the new American sponsored league, and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to the US. The Colts' GM signs him to a one year contract and the kid joins the team for the season. In the first game of the NFL season the Colts are down 34-20 to the Panthers with only 5 minutes left. Jim Caldwell gives the young Iraqi the nod and he goes in. The kid is a sensation - scores 3 touchdowns, one in overtime, and wins the game for the Colts! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted, and the media love the new star. When the player comes off the field he phones his mom to tell her about his first day of NFL Football. "Hello mom, guess what?" he says in an Iraqi accent. " I played for 10 minutes today, we were down 14 points, but I scored 3 touchdowns and we won the game in overtime! Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me." "Wonderful," says his mom, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, beaten, and left for dead, and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such a great time." The young Iraqi is very upset. "What can I say mom, but I'm so sorry." "Sorry? You're Sorry?!" says his mom, "It's your fault we moved to Indianapolis in the first place!" -MT

Please hold while we contact an administrator who can help you assess and solve your problem. (Tahu and I raise our hands) That has nothing to do with the Patriots...you lose your championship... Kidding. Levacius has a spot for next week. Who else wants one? -MT

Rest assured, your complaint is very important to us. Please hold while we connect you to the proper process engineer and analyze your situation. -MT

Makes me kind of nervous. I mean, police are guys that are trained to see people lying, yet they can't even see a 14 year old impersonating one of them. Wow. -MT

I don't really like Arizona, but I hate Pittsburgh. So that's why I'm pulling for the Cardinals. -MT

Oh...I thought you were talking about how you usually act. I have infinity+1. Ha. Why do you think we have the most popular Super Bowl show on BZPower? And no, it's not because there are no other Super Bowl shows on BZP. -MT

Oh, no, Levacius, all of the jokes in my comedy are based on what the kids in my neighborhood do. Joke. Really funny. Any others? -MT

Tahu: Hello again. I am Tahu, and I will be filling in for Omega Turtle today because I am Tahu and I'm the only one here that knows anything about the NFL. Why do we need to know about that? Because it's Super Bowl week, and we have a Super Bowl edition! We have a great lineup of contestants, Mesonak, Gadunka, Tarakavaseargent, and Kraakaan. How are all of you doing today? Mesonak: I will win! Even I have to kill you all to do it! Gadunka: Gadunka. Tarakavaseargent: Wait...is this microphone working? Kraakaan: Where am I again? Tahu: Yeah...this is going to go great. You know the rules, 3 downs, then we eliminate someone, then after 4th down we have the 2nd cut. After that is the showdown, where I will cheat horribly to get whoever I want to win. First down. Kraakaan: Oh no. Tahu: Who are you picking to win the Super Bowl? Gadunka: Gadunka. (-1) Tahu: Uh...ok. Mesonak: I'll take Arizona. (-1) Tarakavaseargent: Pittsburgh? (-1) Kraakaan: Uh...no one? (-1) Tahu: All bad picks. Kraakaan: Then what IS a good pick? Tahu: The New England Patriots! Duh! Kraakaan: They aren't even in the Super Bowl(MUTE, -1) Tahu: Sorry. Bad logic. Mesonak: Uh...I'll give it a shot. Tahu: Go ahead. Mesonak: The Patriots are the greatest team ever and Tom Brady is the best quarterback ever and everyone should love them. Tahu: (slams his hand on a table) AMEN!!!!!!! (begins giving Mesonak points like crazy) Mesonak: Sweet. 99 points. Tahu: Anyone else? Tarakavaseargent: Hang on...(reaches over and pulls a Patriots' sweatshirt on) Tahu: Great argument! Wonderful logic! (gives Tarakavaseargent 99 points) Tarakavaseargent: Don't mean to be rude or anything, but 99 is kind of a weird number. Why 99 points? Tahu: Because this stupid counter won't go into three digits. Kraakaan: This is stupid. Why can't we have a reasonable-(MUTE, -1) Tahu: Because you're with me, that's why. Second Down: What do you think of the Super Bowl Logo? Mesonak: Uh...it's good, but it would be better if it were a Patriots' logo. Tahu: You guys are some of the best ever at this. Here..let me do this. (begins to tape a piece of paper onto Mesonak's scoreboard) Mesonak: Uh...what does that say? Tahu: Infinity. Mesonak: Whoa...awesome. Kraakaan: That's unfair! I protest-(MUTE, -1) Tahu: *sigh* doesn't learn.. Gadunka: Gadunka. Tahu: Excuse me? Gadunka: Gadunka. (holds up a sign saying "Goo Paetroits! Tahu: Uh...it's a step in the right direction... (gives Gadunka +10) Gadunka: GADUNKA!!!! Kraakaan: Hold on...this is just a test... Tahu: Go ahead. Kraakaan: Patriots suck-(Gets muted and immediately removed from the game) Tahu: So long, Kraakaan, your stay was brief and we won't miss you, Patriot hater. Gadunka: Gadunka! Tahu: Tarakavaseargent? Anything from you? Tarakavaseargent: Uh...go Patriots? Tahu: Greatest response ever! (Sticks a sign reading "infinity" on Tarakavaseargent's score) Gadunka: Gadunka... Tahu: Sorry. 3rd down: Who were you pulling for to win the Super Bowl this year? Tarakavaseargent: Patriots. Mesonak: Patriots. Gadunka: Gadunka. Tahu: Uh..sorry Gadunka. The first two had the correct response. Gadunka: (slams his fists on the table repeatedly to show his frustration at not being able to say any words other than "Gadunka") Tahu: Now, now, there's no reason to be mad at a wrong answer! Everyone makes mistakes! Gadunka: GADUNKA!!! (smashes his table in half) Tahu: Maybe he's a perfectionist...oh well. 4th down: Who is going to win the next 4 Super Bowls? Mesonak: The Patriots. Tarakavaseargent: The Patriots. Gadunka: *sob* Tahu: Oh well...sorry Gadunka...it looks like you're gone. And now, showdown! Mesonak: Awesome... Tarakavaseargent: Victory will be mine! Tahu: Who is the best team in the NFL? Mesonak and Tarakavaseargent: The Patriots. Mesonak: I just said that! Tarakavaseargent: I said it first! Mesonak: No, you didn't. Tarakavaseargent: Fine. The NEW ENGLAND Patriots. Tahu: Tarakavaseargent wins the point! Now, who- Mesonak: The New England Patriots. Tarakavaseargent: Tom Brady. Tahu: I was going to ask who will eat the rest of this sandwich for me. Tarakavaseargent: Oh. Well, I will. Tahu: Wrong! The answer is always something having to do with the Patriots! Mesonak wins! Next question: should I let Tarakavaseargent win? Mesonak: No! Tarakavaseargent: Patriots! Tahu: Right answer! Tarakavaseargent wins! How do you feel? Tarakavaseargent: Well, I'll help you finish that sandwich, if you want. Tahu: Ha ha...you wish. Well, that's it, next week that stupid turtle will be back to run things...and remember...Boston Sports rule...your teams suck. -MT

First off, it's Steelers, referring to steel, not thieves. Secondly, I didn't choose the guy's name. I just think it's kind of funny. Wow...was the Reagan joke really that offensive? Go Cardinals. -MT

Says the guy with the Ronald Reagan avatar. Another joke, this one with Reagan: # of letters in his 3 names: Ronald-6 Wilson-6 Reagan-6 666. Scary. From what I know, he wasn't that bad a president, but it is pretty funny. That's my prediction. I think with 2 weeks to prepare, as in the BCS National Championship, the Cardinal defense will be able to scheme and prepare for the Pittsburgh offense. So it'll be a low scoring affair, at least, compared to other Arizona games. -MT

It's Super Bowl week! And while none of you may like football at all, I do. So this is the official Super Bowl thread...and if you see any others, then sue them for me. Because they're not official. Mine is. Why? Because mine is on a genuine children's website. I am so cool. Anyways, this year's commercial fest Super Bowl is between the Arizona Cardinals(12-7) and the Pittsburghevil satanic people Steelers(14-4). Since this has a tendency to be a really slow board, I'm starting this now and not on Friday or Saturday because if I do then, I'll have a grand post count on this thing of about 3 posts. If I post now, maybe I'll have 5. (I can always hope) But now about the game. The Cardinal's hopes pretty much lie squarely in the hands of their offense, which is usually one of the best in the league. Depending on the weather. So don't be surprised if you see a few Cardinal's players thanking God the Super Bowl is in Tampa Bay, and not in say, New England. (47-7) Arizona's defense is horrible. I'm sorry. But that's how it is. They gave up 47 to the Patriots, 56 to the Eagles, and 56 to the freaking Jets. So that's why the offense has a little bit of pressure on it. The Steelers have a pretty good offense, nothing spectacular but they do get the job done, unless of course they start snapping the ball out of the end zone. The Steelers did score 35 on the Chargers in the AFC Championship and 33 on the Patriots, both who usually put forth a good defense. (although the Patriots did turn the ball over 5 times) The Steelers defense is probably the best in the league. They force turnovers, they get to the quarterback, and they make plays. And they hit people. Really hard. Ask Willie McGahee. I hope that guy's all right... While I hate Pittsburgh, I do think they will win. My prediction is Steelers 20, Cardinals 14. But I'm rooting for Arizona, if that counts for anything... -MT

I just had a hamburger...really...this makes being friends with P.E.T.A a lot easier. -MT

In response to reports of how people are treating animals when they get old, I am joining P.E.T.A. to stop this outrage of animal mistreatment. No. It's not what you think. I'm just eating them to put them out of their misery. And now you can join too. Go eat a tasty animal. (This is all a joke) -MT

Don't try this at home.. #1: A thief broke into a car and tried to go through the moveable seat in the back into the car. (So he wouldn't have to break in) However, while he was in the trunk, he managed to close it, locking himself inside the trunk, and since he couldn't get the seat to move....he was stuck.. I wonder how he explained that to the driver? What if the driver hadn't opened the trunk, and he suffocated? One day the driver opens it and there's some random dead person inside... #2: Two Arizona Cardinals fans were vandalizing Pittsburgh Steelers fan's property. (The Cardinals are playing the Steelers in the Super Bowl) No one knew who it was. But guess what. One of their "trips" they brought a box with one of the guy's addresses on it. And they left the box there. So that didn't take long, especially when the guy showed up at the door with a Cardinal's hat on. #3: A Montana teacher was riding his bike to school. On the way, he plowed straight into a bear. While the bike and bear were for the most part unharmed, the teacher was not. How do you miss a bear in the middle of the road? Or did he just think that bike > bear? I wonder how he explained that one to his students.. "Sorry I missed teaching you, but there was this bear that...um...suddenly materialized in the street, and I couldn't dodge it in time." #4: At a police station, a 14 year old impersonated a police officer(No, it was not me) and actually went on duty in a car, looking for anyone breaking the law. It wasn't until after about 5 hours that someone finally noticed that this new officer had no badge, no gun, and he was way under age. How do you miss that? -MT

And the plot thickens... Tarakavaseargent: That is such a nice location. -MT

Ok. So maybe I'm not the only one with random 50 degree weather changes. -MT

Yay! Religion bond...or something like that.. I play airsoft, but most of the people I live next to don't like it. It's too "dangerous." And football, well, there aren't many people who like football enough to play it. So I'm here writing comedies and blogging on a children's website....go apathy.. -MT

It's on now. -MT

I don't want to go live with you frostbitten hoseheads. That's why I'm down here. Where I'd rather be is in Miami or Hawaii. But that's not going to happen, unless Rahkshiking invites me to his house. -MT

Because I want to give you guys a fighting chance... Tarakavaseargent is the last one in. Next week's edition will be: Mesonak Kraakaan Gadunka Tarakavaseargent -MT