Embers - Review Topic

[Nato G]

Welcome to the review topic for Embers. This tale unfolds in an alternate timeline where the Great Spirit Robot mysteriously shuts down in the midst of Teridax’s takeover. In the wake of this second Great Cataclysm, lightstones and heatstones begin to dim and die throughout the universe, dooming its denizens to a dark, cold demise.

Metru Nui – with lifegiving light still seeping through the sun holes overhead, and its cold streets heated by the fires of the Great Furnace – becomes the last bastion for the Matoran species. But when the city’s Toa depart to rescue Matoran still trapped out in the dark of the dying universe, they leave the populace vulnerable to the machinations of an unexpected enemy, and return to a city they no longer recognise.

I won’t include content warnings for each specific chapter, so be aware that this story will have a darker tone, both literally and figuratively. There are no clear-cut heroes in Embers, no easy answers or perfect heroes. The story deals with themes of loss and despair, PTSD and misplaced faith, but also hope despite adversity, and unity against great odds. In chapters to come, there will be depictions of violence, mentions of suicide, ethical dilemmas, and bonkle-styled cursing. For the purists out there, be warned that within the world of Embers, genders aren’t locked to specific elements, romance does exist, and some aspects of Bionicle history have been reinterpreted.

On a similar note, I generally prefer not to mess with canon characters too much when writing fanfics. As such, this story won’t be featuring too many familiar faces. I’ll leave it up to the imagination of readers as to whether there were simply different heroes in this universe, or if the heroes of prime canon met with unfortunate fates off-screen.

Those who’ve read some of my older stories on this site, or have played with me over on the RPG forum, may also recognise some names or character concepts. That’s just me recycling old ideas I like; no prior knowledge of older versions of those characters is required, and they will likely be portrayed differently in this story anyway (though I may slip in some sneaky references on occasion).

With all of that out of the way, any feedback and comments are greatly appreciated.

I hope you enjoy Embers.

Book 1 - Darkness

Book 2 - Duty

Book 3 - Disunity

Book 4 - Death

Book 5 - Divinity

Book 6 - Defiance

Edited February 14 by Nato G

[Master Inika]

This is a promising start. Canon seemed to imply that faith in Mata Nui was somehow misplaced, like a kid-friendly version of Dune, but nothing was really done with it. I am interested to see how this will play out.

[Master Inika]

Jokes aside, this was an excellent first chapter. It feels the most like the aftermath of a real war set in the BIONICLE universe, unlike the battles against the Rahi or even something like the Toa-Dark Hunter War, that always felt fun and kid-friendly. Your writing really captures the futility of it.

On the surface, it reads kind of like the typical "grimdark" fiction that non-fans probably think BIONICLE fanfics are like, but this is actually well-written and feels like an ideal version of trope. The characters are grounded and relatable. And the cliffhanger ending I did not see coming. I am excited for the next chapter.

[Nato G]

4 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

On the surface, it reads kind of like the typical "grimdark" fiction that non-fans probably think BIONICLE fanfics are like, but this is actually well-written and feels like an ideal version of trope. 

Thanks for the feedback. I knew from the outset that I'd be setting myself up for those kind of comparisons.

There was a time where I considered making the first few chapters a little lighter to ease readers into the darker tone, but given how the rest of the story came out it almost felt kind of disingenuous and deceptive. I wanted this first chapter to really set the tone and let readers know what to expect from here on out (in case all of the content warnings I put in the intro post of this topic weren't enough). 

26 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

It feels the most like the aftermath of a real war set in the BIONICLE universe. Your writing really captures the futility of it.

When I started out, my one-sentence summary for Embers was “Bionicle as a war movie”, so it’s been a real balancing act throughout to treat certain topics with the severity and seriousness they deserve, while also trying not to trip head-first into full grimdark territory. I ended up spending an unhealthy amount of time watching war films over the past two-ish years to get myself into the right mindset. 

[BuckJohnson]

You beat me to the punch on a dark Bionicle horror story. Excellent work so far; it's hard to describe the sense of dread I felt about the prospect of permanently sealing off Metru-Nui. I'm also enjoying the characters. I'm sure nothing bad will happen to them! Keep up the good work, will definitely be keeping an eye on this one.

[Master Inika]

Another excellent chapter. Good job at making the Vahki actually seem formidable.

[Master Inika]

I didn't mean to fall so behind on this series, and I am only catching up now.

Chapter 3 review: another excellent continuation. I find complex battle scenes difficult to write and you did a good job keeping the reader's attention focused on a few concepts giving an idea of the general chaos. The Toa of Gravity having to mentally fight the Gravity Rahkshi was particularly creative and felt like an unusually hard sci-fi take on Bionicle powers, like the powers are radar beams that can have stronger or weaker signals. In general seeing the secondary Rahkshi in action was great. I always wished we got to see them more in canon. The few glimpses we got in the 2004 books was great and I was disappointed not much was done with the Rahkshi of Heat Vision in 2010, so this chapter really scratched that itch.

Chapter 4 review: Pira is such a fascinating character. I'm curious to see what "Brother" capitalized like that specifically means. (On a lesser note, the consistent capitalization of "Of" in mask names throws me off.)

Chapter 5 review: I knew I had read about Takadox's species being the original species of Odina on another topic, I looked it up and did not realize that was also you. I was going to ask if you got the idea from them, funnily enough.

Chapter 6 review: this new Makuta is awesome. I've always been fascinated with the idea that the Makuta were ostensibly supposed to be "good" at some point and you've done a great job exploring this implication, plus everything about evidence vs. faith is well done and thought-provoking. I look forward to what's next.

[Nato G]

55 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

The Toa of Gravity having to mentally fight the Gravity Rahkshi was particularly creative and felt like an unusually hard sci-fi take on Bionicle powers, like the powers are radar beams that can have stronger or weaker signals. In general seeing the secondary Rahkshi in action was great. I always wished we got to see them more in canon. 

Rahkshi are one of my all-time favourite races in Bionicle. There's so much untapped potential and unexplored implications with them, which is a big part of why I gave them such a prominent role in this series. 

The gravity battle stemmed from the fact that while a lot of power scaling in Bionicle is vague and unspecified, Rahkshi have very clearly-defined power levels, with some of the Level 6 descriptions specifically stating they're stronger than even a Toa Nuva. For powers that overlap with Toa, like gravity, I felt like that would create some interesting room for strategic countering or cancelling-out of powers, and tug-of-war type struggles.

55 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

Pira is such a fascinating character.

Pira is definitely one of my favourite characters to write. With so many of the Toa basically being veterans who are set in their ways of faith and Duty, I felt that it was important to have a perspective that was essentially the complete opposite. She's very lightly inspired by Gavla, the Av-Matoran from 2008 who felt like she didn't fit in, and enjoyed being a Shadow Matoran. 

55 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

I knew I had read about Takadox's species being the original species of Odina on another topic, I looked it up and did not realize that was also you. I was going to ask if you got the idea from them, funnily enough.

The ideas I posted in that other thread came together as I was working on this story. The history and fate of the League Of Six Kingdoms obviously have a pretty major role to play in Embers, so I spent a lot of time thinking and theorising about that. In the thread I framed the theories as being based on canon info, which is still the case, but they were influenced just as much by what would make for interesting plot points in this story. 

56 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

I've always been fascinated with the idea that the Makuta were ostensibly supposed to be "good" at some point and you've done a great job exploring this implication.

With Bionicle being a kids theme, there wasn't a lot of room for nuance or ambiguity. The antagonists were pretty much all moustache twirling, puppy kicking caricatures of villainy. But with so many different species and cultures in the Bionicle universe, surely there had to be members of other races who honoured Duty, who were seen as heroes by their own people? That's something I really wanted to dig into throughout this story, and a Makuta seemed like the perfect place to start. 

1 hour ago, Master Inika said:

I look forward to what's next.

Thanks for reading, and for all of the feedback. I'm glad you've been enjoying the story. 

The next chapter will be out tomorrow. 

[Master Inika]

Another great chapter! I have found myself having to google certain words, like ichor in Chapter 3 and detritus in this one, but I mean that in a positive way. It gives the story an ancient feeling, like I am reading a modern translation of something like the Odyssey.

The exploration of intelligent Rahkshi was the most interesting aspect of this chapter to me. They remind me of the exploration of the Tusken Raiders that Disney has been doing lately (only, you know, depressing). I am particularly enjoying Talok and Rost, but that's just because I'm a sucker for guys who are so obnoxiously polite it's creepy and unsettling.

[Nato G]

6 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

ichor in Chapter 3

I know some purists get upset when fan projects talk about Bonkles having blood, but I didn't feel like writing something like "circulatory fluid" every time. Given its association with Greek mythology, ichor felt like a good fit for Bionicle's more fantastical setting. 

11 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

The exploration of intelligent Rahkshi was the most interesting aspect of this chapter to me. 

I'm glad to hear it. I always found it absolutely wild that Greg casually stated that Shadow Kraata are intelligent enough to communicate, only to do absolutely nothing with that revelation. I really wanted to explore the implications of that. 

[Master Inika]

Another excellent chapter. Widrek did not stand out too much as a character to me before, but seeing what has happened to him is creepy and I love the unsettling mystery vibes in this chapter.

[Master Inika]

I finally got back to reading this. I made it up to Chapter 14 today. Man, I forgot what a downer this was. A well-written downer, but still.

It's beautiful how something so adult can be made it fit naturally into the BIONICLE universe. There is so much to appreciate about this story, the lore, the characterization, the dynamics between everyone. It's all done masterfully.

While reading it, I've been listening to this Metru Nui-themed playlist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BQgvMKfZBk It makes for a pretty interesting reading experience. It makes all the more perceptible the divide between just how gritty this is and the positivity and nostalgia that Metru Nui feels like it should be associated with.

I'll read up the most recent five chapters soon. I'm excited to see how the rebellion goes.

 

[Nato G]

17 hours ago, Master Inika said:

I forgot what a downer this was. A well-written downer, but still. It makes for a pretty interesting reading experience. It makes all the more perceptible the divide between just how gritty this is and the positivity and nostalgia that Metru Nui feels like it should be associated with.

I know what you mean. I've been watching the movies and rereading a lot of the books recently for another project, and it's been weird seeing how differently canon approached combat. People got blown up, thrown through walls, etc. all the time. Blunt force trauma was only fatal if you were Lhikan or Sidorak. 

17 hours ago, Master Inika said:

It's beautiful how something so adult can be made it fit naturally into the BIONICLE universe. There is so much to appreciate about this story, the lore, the characterization, the dynamics between everyone. It's all done masterfully.

This means a lot. Finding the right balance of classic Bionicle with the more mature tone I wanted to go with has been a constant battle, so it's great to hear that someone thinks it's working. 

[Master Inika]

I read two more chapters today, 16 and 17. The action was well done, especially the Toa-controlled unmarked Vahki.

Your two strongest characters are definitely Icthilos and Savnu (though my preference for feisty female characters might make me somewhat biased). I also found Widrek fascinating for being the first Toa to be subject to whatever Vhel did to him. I found it delightfully creepy how I didn't get to learn that much about him beforehand, but I could still definitely tell he was different afterward. If I did have to single out a criticism, it would be that most of the other Toa so far have felt more like background characters. Their defection has not hit me as hard as it could have. There is a certain shock value in Toa siding with a Makuta over their fellow Toa, an it might be because I took such a break from reading, but not much about characters like Bihriis specifically stood out that made me think "oh no, not him." I have a soft spot for characters who get mind-controlled as soon as they're introduced, which Widrek provided for me, but the others could have been fleshed out more.

The tension was strong and well-written. My favorite scene in these two chapters, aside from the combat mechanics, was them discussing how Vhel's suggest/mind-control-thing works. I love dialogue of characters figuring out the logistics of how things operate.

[Master Inika]

I just finished Chapter 18. Another great chapter with much to like.

The Archives are so creepy and you did a great job capitalizing on that. I also appreciate some more insight into the Onu-Matoran/Ko-Matoran rivalry. I always thought the "past" vs "future" dichotomy between them implied a much deeper philosophical divide, but, like most things in G1, it was never fully explored. What the Onu-Matoran do is pretty weird when you think about it, especially since we know at least some Rahi like Krahka and Keetongu are basically fully sapient.

This chapter reminds me a lot of BIONICLE Adventures 3: The Darkness Below, which is one of my favorite BIONICLE books. It's a perfect setting for a horror story and you captured the dread of not knowing what's just around the corner.

I really love the creepy way the Vhel-aligned Toa talk. It's clear they're not fully mind-controlled like an Infected Mask or Krana does. They still form sentences (at least I think) the way that they would normally. It's an interesting interpretation of the Lovecraftian madness that Greg sometimes alluded to in canon.

The mechanics of the fight scene were gripping. I felt rewarded by how gravity factored into the fight with the Exo-Toa and the slight reveal that it was magnetism that pulled Icthilos through the air. In the case of the gravity reveal, it made me wish I paid more attention to who had what element earlier, because then I might have figured it out beforehand.

I feel like the phrase "all Karzahni broke loose" is somewhat too informal and takes the reader out of the action. It does sound like something a character might say in-universe, but, knowing what the equivalent is in English, it isn't something a human would write about a human fight.

A great chapter overall. I will read the next one tomorrow.

[Nato G]

20 hours ago, Master Inika said:

If I did have to single out a criticism, it would be that most of the other Toa so far have felt more like background characters. 

That's fair. 

One of the biggest problems I have with a lot of the Bionicle novels is that there are so many focal characters (usually all twelve of the canister sets from that year, and sometimes the titans and Matoran as well). With so many heroes and villains jostling for the spotlight, a lot of them didn't get enough screentime for me to really sympathise with them. So with this story I really wanted to dedicate a lot more time and attention to my focal characters, and explore the rest of the cast from their perspectives.

Some characters also might seem like background characters because they've retroactively been introduced earlier than they originally appeared. Writing drafts for all six books before I started posting anything allowed me to go back and namedrop/set up some folks well ahead of where they'll actually be important, instead of them just being introduced out of the blue much later. For example, the Ga-Toa healer from the second chapter originally didn't debut until partway through Book 2. 

26 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

What the Onu-Matoran do is pretty weird when you think about it, especially since we know at least some Rahi like Krahka and Keetongu are basically fully sapient. This chapter reminds me a lot of BIONICLE Adventures 3: The Darkness Below, which is one of my favorite BIONICLE books. It's a perfect setting for a horror story and you captured the dread of not knowing what's just around the corner.

That's exactly the vibe I was going for. I always found the time spent in the Archives to be some of the creepiest moments in the novels. Even as a kid, I was kind of unsettled by the inherent existential horror of being trapped in stasis and turned into a living display piece, and disturbed by how blasé and irresponsible the Onu-Matoran were about it, sometimes leaving entire levels of exhibits unattended for years. 

The Metru Nui setting had a lot of weird, messed-up stuff going in in the background that seemed to have been normalised by the citizens, and it's been fun to explore some of that from the perspective of characters who aren't natives of the city and are understandably horrified by it all. 

[Master Inika]

Welp, saying I was going to read Chapter 19 tomorrow ended up being a lie. Sorry, the time just got away from me. I really am invested in this story, and it's impressive how consistently you've been updating it. This is really shaping up to be actual publishable book-level, in terms of both length and quality. It's always impressed me how much fanfiction authors are willing to go for projects they know they can't actually sell or fully claim as "theirs."

Chapter 19 was excellent. Seeing narcissistic characters like Vhel (and Teridax in canon) talk around their own failures (like Teridax calling becoming Takutanuva "unexpected") is always something I enjoy no matter how often I see it. Charismatic gentleman antagonists, like President Snow from The Hunger Games, are a guilty pleasure of mine that Vhel leans heavily into, it seems.

I also love the, I don't know how to word it, begrudging respect Ichthilos has for Vhel. I enjoy scenes of mortal enemies unable or unwilling to kill each other and having at least one (somewhat) genuine conversation. This chapter felt a long time coming and lived up to my expectations.

(A slight thing, is there any particular reason you capitalize "Of" in proper nouns? I've never heard that recommended before and I personally find it somewhat distracting, especially since everything else seems formatted properly. I only mention it now because there were so many proper nouns with "Of" in this chapter.)

Chapter 20 is another good action chapter. It reminds me of just how cool and futuristic Kanoka seemed when they were introduced, and how weird it is in hindsight that LEGO didn't do much with them later on.

Chapter 21 was powerful. Even though none of it is really "new" information to us longtime fans, we've gotten to know Ichthilos so well it feels like it's new information to us, framed as it is as unnatural instead of awe-inspiring like it is in canon. I am again perceiving the Lovecraftian influence of Greg's writing allowed to fully spread its depressing, existential wings.

I will pick up with Ch. 22 soon.

[Nato G]

5 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

I really am invested in this story, and it's impressive how consistently you've been updating it. This is really shaping up to be actual publishable book-level, in terms of both length and quality. It's always impressed me how much fanfiction authors are willing to go for projects they know they can't actually sell or fully claim as "theirs."

I've been wanting to become a proper published author since 2009. I've lost count of the number of manuscripts I've sent to publishers over the past fifteen years, and so far I haven't been successful. Suffice to say, that got pretty stressful and depressing after a while, especially when 2020 hit and compounded those feelings. I looked back on some old Bionicle RPGs, remembered how much fun I'd had when there were no serious expectations or financial pressures involved, and decided to put together some old character and story concepts to create this project.

The reason the releases have been so regular is because the whole thing (including the next five "books") are already completely written, edited, proofread, and revised. Something I'd noticed with other projects released here is that when the creators are writing as they go, there'll sometimes be big time gaps between chapters, or the author will go back and revise/rewrite everything that came before. I wanted to put in the time beforehand to be able to provide a more consistent experience. 

5 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

(A slight thing, is there any particular reason you capitalize "Of" in proper nouns? I've never heard that recommended before and I personally find it somewhat distracting, especially since everything else seems formatted properly. I only mention it now because there were so many proper nouns with "Of" in this chapter.)

I'm weird and dumb and don't like having a lowercase word in the middle of uppercase ones. It just looks wrong to me, somehow. (I'm well aware that this habit flies in the face of all conventional education).

5 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

Chapter 21 was powerful. Even though none of it is really "new" information to us longtime fans, we've gotten to know Ichthilos so well it feels like it's new information to us, framed as it is as unnatural instead of awe-inspiring like it is in canon. I am again perceiving the Lovecraftian influence of Greg's writing allowed to fully spread its depressing, existential wings.

This is still one of my favourite chapters of the entire story. I was always kind of disappointed by how characters in canon reacted to these huge reveals.

Obviously everyone was running for their lives and trying to stay free during Teridax's reign, and the 2010 storyline was rushed to reach the giant robot fight, but I always found it weird how everyone kind of just took the giant robot reveal in stride and didn't dwell on the world-changing existential implications of the whole thing. So I really wanted to explore that angle in this story. 

[Master Inika]

2 hours ago, Nato G said:

I've been wanting to become a proper published author since 2009. I've lost count of the number of manuscripts I've sent to publishers over the past fifteen years, and so far I haven't been successful. Suffice to say, that got pretty stressful and depressing after a while, especially when 2020 hit and compounded those feelings. I looked back on some old Bionicle RPGs, remembered how much fun I'd had when there were no serious expectations or financial pressures involved, and decided to put together some old character and story concepts to create this project.

I'm in a similar boat. It sounds like you are way more serious about it than I am, but I have also sent out manuscripts before, and it's tough out there.

2 hours ago, Nato G said:

The reason the releases have been so regular is because the whole thing (including the next five "books") are already completely written, edited, proofread, and revised. Something I'd noticed with other projects released here is that when the creators are writing as they go, there'll sometimes be big time gaps between chapters, or the author will go back and revise/rewrite everything that came before. I wanted to put in the time beforehand to be able to provide a more consistent experience. 

Guilty. I've thought about doing something similar to what you're doing, pre-writing an entire multi-part story, and I just never had the discipline for it. Hence why so many of my stories start off strong and then I just lose interest partway through and have lackluster (or absent) finales.

2 hours ago, Nato G said:

I'm weird and dumb and don't like having a lowercase word in the middle of uppercase ones. It just looks wrong to me, somehow. (I'm well aware that this habit flies in the face of all conventional education).

To each their own, I suppose. At least you are consistent about it.

2 hours ago, Nato G said:

This is still one of my favourite chapters of the entire story. I was always kind of disappointed by how characters in canon reacted to these huge reveals.

Obviously everyone was running for their lives and trying to stay free during Teridax's reign, and the 2010 storyline was rushed to reach the giant robot fight, but I always found it weird how everyone kind of just took the giant robot reveal in stride and didn't dwell on the world-changing existential implications of the whole thing. So I really wanted to explore that angle in this story. 

That's another really good point. It should have been a huge revelation and morale blow to characters like the Toa Nuva that their sentience was a mistake and the Great Beings saw the Matoran as basically the moral equivalent of toasters. I feel like, with The Yesterday Quest and The Powers That Be, Greg was trying to set up a grand confrontation with the Great Beings and, like with Mata Nui, call them out and make a statement against their absenteeism, but alas, we'll never know.

[Nato G]

And that's a wrap on Book 1 of the Embers saga. Thank you everyone who's read and commented so far. Rest assured, there's plenty more to come. To commemorate this milestone I wrote a song about Icthilos (spoilers ahead, so make sure you're caught up on the story before listening). 

With the holidays coming up, I'm not going to be able to commit to my usual weekly upload schedule, so I'm going to be taking a break for a couple of months.

Book 2 will come out sometime early next year. 

[Master Inika]

I just read 22 and 23. I'm continually blown away by just how good it is. If it were not a BIONICLE fanfic, it could be a real publishable book.

[Nato G]

Book 2: Duty has begun. 

[Nato G]

And with that, Book 2 is concluded. 

The Embers saga will continue with Book 3: Disunity in the new year. 

[kawaii kitty]

I don't think i've realized the full scale of this project, impressive!

[Nato G]

13 hours ago, kawaii kitty said:

I don't think i've realized the full scale of this project, impressive!

Yeah, this story definitely got away from me a little. These first two books alone have a word count that's about 10,000 higher than my actual novel. 

[Master Inika]

In the entire year of 2025, the ONLY people to post new fanfiction on here were you (this), Lenny7092 (Inter-Dimensional Clean-Up), Ikki_Katlin (Of Men and Demons) and TahnokTrapper (three short stories), for a total of two epics and four short stories (and zero comedies, which I've always thought of as my thing, so I've been slacking).

I'm finally revisiting Embers in earnest. I've missed reading this (it's by far the most impressive thing published on here in years, both in terms of length and quality) but its sheer size has honestly intimidated me and I would like to catch myself up before or during Book 3. Reading this does feel so much like reading an actual novel. I made it about 2/3 of the way through Book 1 but I'll be trying to read at least one chapter per day from the start to refamiliarize myself. Having read some of Greg's pre-Bionicle works since then, I can even more deeply appreciate just how much this seems like something Greg himself would have approved of and might have told the Bionicle story as if given the chance.

I'd like to especially point out, even though it's such a small thing, the "Book 1 - Darkness" banner image. I recognize the Metru Nui promo art it's from and even as a kid I could spend a frighteningly long time just staring at it. There's something liminal and a little creepy about it and it's perfect for this story. I watched an excellent Solar Sands video about how unintentionally eerie Lego packaging background art can be since we're not meant to focus directly on it.

Today I reread the first five chapters, and they really are even better than I remembered. If I'm counting properly, by Chapter 5 there are 16 named Toa from the Xia campaign (out of 21 survivors of the first night back on Metru Nui). It's so impressive that you maintain such a complex cast of characters, plus Makuta, Turaga, Matoran and other Toa, that make the world feel fully populated and yet there is still so much depth and realness to so many of them.

[Nato G]

6 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

I've missed reading this (it's by far the most impressive thing published on here in years, both in terms of length and quality) but its sheer size has honestly intimidated me and I would like to catch myself up before or during Book 3.

Thanks. I've found myself a little daunted by how big this story has become as well. Like a lot of things I try to write, it ended up becoming a lot bigger and crazier than I originally envisioned once the creative juices started flowing.

I was planning to start uploading Book 3 in February, once I've taken the time to do a quick proofread through it. I haven't looked at any of the later books in about a year now, and I'm sure I'll pick up some mistakes and issues once I go back to it with fresh eyes.   

6 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

There's something liminal and a little creepy about it and it's perfect for this story.

Indeed. I wanted an image that captures the same kind of haunting, mist-shrouded vibe that greeted the Toa when they first arrive back in Metru Nui. Fittingly, the gallery  I pulled that image from is even called "Bionicle Liminal Spaces". 

6 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

It's so impressive that you maintain such a complex cast of characters, plus Makuta, Turaga, Matoran and other Toa, that make the world feel fully populated and yet there is still so much depth and realness to so many of them.

Juggling the cast has been an ongoing challenge, especially heading into Books 2 and 3 when new factions and POVs get introduced. Writing the first six "books" before I started uploading anything really helped in managing it all. When I first wrote the story, I just introduced new characters as I needed them. It was during later editing passes that I started retroactively featuring or namedropping characters in earlier sections of the story, to set up their larger roles later. 

[Master Inika]

I couldn't stop myself and read as far as chapter 9. It's a great read.

Just for fun, I've been trying to keep track of exactly how many Toa participated in the Xia conflict. Let me know if this timeline is correct (as far as chapter 9):

50 Toa depart Metru Nui for Xia

+5 Xia Matoran transformed into Toa (Vhalem, Ithnen, Erdo, Tivni, Pira)

55 Toa fighting on Xia

-4 sent back to Metru Nui early (Dhozoh, Tuxar, Maliss, Yayle)

-1 transformed into Turaga on Xia (Marik)

50 Toa remaining (plus 1 Turaga)

-23 Toa killed in action on Xia

27 Toa (plus 1 Turaga) remaining who depart Xia

-3 Toa killed by Vahki

-3 Toa killed by Rahkshi

21 Toa (plus 1 Turaga) return to Metru Nui

In total, 23 Toa (unnamed so far) perish on Xia. Counting the six killed returning, the death toll is 29. 

The story contains the names of 11 Toa who depart as part of the original 50 and return at the end:

Icthilos
Ilton
Trina
Behjen
Savnu
Lhiyla
Widrek
Bihriis
Pahlil
Keidal
Orane

Alongside them, 4 Toa returned earlier (Dhozoh, Tuxar, Malixx, Yayle) and 1 returned as a Turaga. Depending on precisely when the transformations and casualties took place, there was a hypothetical maximum of 55 Toa active at one time. Of that number, 29 or 30 (depending on Yayle's fate) are deceased at the time of chapter 9 and 26/25 are alive. Of the 26/25 living, 17 have been named: the 11 original survivors, plus 5 transformed into Toa on Xia, plus Marik (the number is 18 if Yayle is somehow alive).

I don't know why I find this aspect of the story so interesting, but I do. It leaves a grim atmosphere that more than half of the hypothetical cast is deceased and even though we do not learn their names or attributes, I fully believe that they are real characters who Icthilos knew and the way he thinks on the Xia conflict makes this cast, as large as it is, still feel like there are meaningful friendships and unnamed heroes who are tragically absent from the tale.

[Nato G]

18 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

Just for fun, I've been trying to keep track of exactly how many Toa participated in the Xia conflict. Let me know if this timeline is correct (as far as chapter 9)

Honestly, I'd have to reread everything myself to remember the exact numbers. I think I mention at some point that there were several Toa who became Turaga over the course of the war, not just Marik, but aside from that this sounds roughly right from my recollections. 

18 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

+5 Xia Matoran transformed into Toa (Vhalem, Ithnen, Erdo, Tivni, Pira)

I do want to note here that there were definitely more Matoran who became Toa; these five were just the ones who survived the experience. I don't think I ever gave hard numbers on how many other Xian Toa there were, total. I already had enough characters to keep track of.

18 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

I don't know why I find this aspect of the story so interesting, but I do. It leaves a grim atmosphere that more than half of the hypothetical cast is deceased and even though we do not learn their names or attributes, I fully believe that they are real characters who Icthilos knew and the way he thinks on the Xia conflict makes this cast, as large as it is, still feel like there are meaningful friendships and unnamed heroes who are tragically absent from the tale.

There being approximately 55 Toa left alive at the end of canon was one of those throwaway details Greg mentioned somewhere that I always felt could do with more exploration. Who were all of the other Toa we never got to meet? What adventures did they go on? Where were they during all of the adventures we saw? What part did they play in the resistance against Teridax? 

While I obviously wasn't planning to name and explain them all, concentrating all of the surviving Toa in one place for this story allowed me to investigate that idea a little more, make all of those lives and losses feel impactful. I'm glad to hear it's had the intended effect. 

Edited January 21 by Nato G

[Master Inika]

Was the 55 number a direct reference to the 55 Toa alive in 2007/8? I thought it seemed familiar to Bionicle somehow. If so, it's a neat reference. It felt like one of the random details Greg gave us with no intention of ever revisiting. He could have said 45, he could have said 132, the Bionicle universe is so huge and so little of it is ever really seen I feel like he knew he'd never have his back against the wall unless he suddenly introduced dozens of new Toa.

[Nato G]

2 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

Was the 55 number a direct reference to the 55 Toa alive in 2007/8?

Yeah. Given that the history of the Embers universe basically parallels canon up until the different outcome of Teridax's takeover, I figured there'd be roughly the same number of surviving Toa. It gave me a nice round statistic to work with. 

[Master Inika]

34 minutes ago, Nato G said:

Yeah. Given that the history of the Embers universe basically parallels canon up until the different outcome of Teridax's takeover, I figured there'd be roughly the same number of surviving Toa. It gave me a nice round statistic to work with. 

I was curious if the Toa fighting to free the Matoran on Xia were the only Toa left. I wondered if there were any evil Toa who might have joined up with the Vortixx or Skakdi. That would have been an interesting scenario and certainly not out of sync with canon.

But I suppose it also gives the story a mythic quality for us to not know if there were any other Toa fighting against our Toa, or anywhere else left in the universe. This story feels much like the original Star Wars or the Odyssey, set in the aftermath of an equally epic lost work. It’s another point in the story’s favor that it’s such a captivating tale and yet it feels almost like the “main” action is already over and this story is just the aftermath.

[Nato G]

7 hours ago, Master Inika said:

I wondered if there were any evil Toa who might have joined up with the Vortixx or Skakdi. That would have been an interesting scenario and certainly not out of sync with canon.

Good point. Admittedly it's not really an angle I considered, given that I was always planning for there to be Toa who'd switched sides to join the new administration in Metru Nui. I don't think that would have been as impactful if they'd already faced traitor Toa on Xia. 

[Master Inika]

On 1/21/2026 at 3:59 PM, Nato G said:

Good point. Admittedly it's not really an angle I considered, given that I was always planning for there to be Toa who'd switched sides to join the new administration in Metru Nui. I don't think that would have been as impactful if they'd already faced traitor Toa on Xia. 

This makes me wonder, are the canon storyline's Toa still around? Lesovikk, Helryx and the rest? I appreciate Gorast being name-dropped as a reference to the canon characters but until now I hadn't wondered if the canon Toa were still around.

It's already a very packed story, so I get why traitor Toa don't factor into the Xia conflict itself. I can appreciate Xia as representing the more classical vision of Toa as heroes fighting monsters and other bad guys, and this point as where the real story begins. The narrative dualism I mentioned before.

[Nato G]

26 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

This makes me wonder, are the canon storyline's Toa still around? Lesovikk, Helryx and the rest? I appreciate Gorast being name-dropped as a reference to the canon characters but until now I hadn't wondered if the canon Toa were still around.

For the most part, I shied away from using too many canon characters, and had a total ban on Toa. I wasn't confident in my ability to live up to the characterisation of the established Toa, and felt that if I included them, it would either look like a cheap cameo if I didn't do enough with them, or they'd start hogging the spotlight from other characters if I involved them too much.

I felt it was easier to just leave it deliberately vague - there were definitely Toa Metru, Toa Nuva, etc. in this universe, and the broad strokes of the story played out the same way up until the divergence point, but these may not have been the same individuals we knew from canon. 

[Master Inika]

I'm really struggling to find something to get critical about just so I'm not gushing about how great it is repetitively. Describing Maliss as "more machine than man" in Chapter 11 struck me as a little bit of a cliche. I thought of Orwell's first rule, to never use a figure of speech you are used to seeing in print, especially since there is a lot of potential for interesting new ways to word that concept. The line "She had more questions than she could count, but..." in Chapter 14, too, could have just been "She had more questions, but..." One of Orwell's other rules was, if you can cut out a word, do it. Those are small critiques and it's not often I notice instances like that (those might be the only two, and by page 65 that is impressive).

On 1/22/2026 at 5:38 PM, Nato G said:

I felt it was easier to just leave it deliberately vague - there were definitely Toa Metru, Toa Nuva, etc. in this universe, and the broad strokes of the story played out the same way up until the divergence point, but these may not have been the same individuals we knew from canon. 

The references later on to the Toa Nuva and the Vahi were rewarding, so it works in the story's favor for the references to be so sparse until then. One of the Toa says something like, "the Toa Nuva could barely control the Vahi" as if all of them used it and not just Tahu. I wondered if that was a mistake, or if you were trying to intentionally suggest that the events on the island of Mata Nui were already legendary to our characters and they might not know the specifics.

I also appreciate the references to the fanmade Xian weapons, I really do feel bad for the winners of that particular contest sometimes because there's so many of them and most of them were never mentioned again.

[Nato G]

6 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

Describing Maliss as "more machine than man" in Chapter 11 struck me as a little bit of a cliche. I thought of Orwell's first rule, to never use a figure of speech you are used to seeing in print, especially since there is a lot of potential for interesting new ways to word that concept. 

I don't really have an excuse for that beyond my love for alliteration. Given that the dude's name is just malice with a silly spelling, I don't think one cliché turn of phrase is my most egregious act of laziness when it comes to that character.  

6 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

One of Orwell's other rules was, if you can cut out a word, do it. 

This is one my editor has often drilled into me while working on my novel.

I'll definitely be applying some of the lessons I learned from her to future instalments of this story. 

3 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

I wondered if that was a mistake, or if you were trying to intentionally suggest that the events on the island of Mata Nui were already legendary to our characters and they might not know the specifics.

The latter, more or less. I wasn't so much trying to establish that the Nuva were "legendary" in the sense that their deeds were well-known throughout the universe. But they would have been famous among the native Matoran of Metru Nui, so all of the refugees who migrated there likely got some kind of piecemeal second-hand retelling from the locals about the important universe-changing events they missed out on. 

[Master Inika]

38 minutes ago, Nato G said:

I'll definitely be applying some of the lessons I learned from her to future instalments of this story. 

I don't think this is a flaw to the story as a whole. It is long but justifiably so (if anything what stopped me from getting serious about reading it sooner was my own laziness). At this point being the 50k-word-long Bionicle fanfic in the 2020s is what makes it so iconic.

I enjoy the aspect of your characters trying to piece together the events of the canon storyline. If they could see the prime reality and try to figure out if Teridax was killed by Aqua Magna or Bota Magna it would probably drive them crazy.

[Nato G]

4 minutes ago, Master Inika said:

I enjoy the aspect of your characters trying to piece together the events of the canon storyline. 

That's an facet I was really eager to explore. In canon we pretty much exclusively followed the characters from Mata Nui/Metru Nui, who conveniently found themselves in the middle of all of the important events. But there was a whole universe out there with thousands, maybe millions of inhabitants who still had to keep living their lives while the Matoran of Metru Nui took their thousand-year tropical vacation.

Most of those beings had little-to-no awareness of any of those events, but still had to live with the aftermath and consequences. I felt like that was a much more interesting perspective to explore with this story than characters who had a full knowledge and awareness of everything. It adds another layer to the themes of uncertainty and distrust that everyone has to deal with. 

[Master Inika]

On 1/28/2026 at 5:54 AM, Nato G said:

Given that the dude's name is just malice with a silly spelling, I don't think one cliché turn of phrase is my most egregious act of laziness when it comes to that character.

I’ve been mentally pronouncing it may-liss this whole time. I always like the name but now it makes more sense.