Posted Aug 01 2012 - 02:30 PM
Okay, one question I need to get off my chest. Grochi was the leader of his Toa Team. Grochi's team was Lesovikk's team? Lesovikk was the leader of Lesovikk's team. Did they lead together? Did Lesovikk take over after Grochi left? Am I totally missing something?But yeah,echoing what others have said, I'm not big on blatant backstories either, but your conversational writing style here made up for that. I have very few nitpicks, I think I'll let them slide this time because I feel like I annoy peole with them. One thing I definitely did like was the ending, the jump from verb tense and POV was not abrupt or choppy, the transition was just right. I'm not sure exactly how you pulled that off, but you did a good job. Looking back, I think part of that may have been that you didn't lose the conversational tone of your narration, you still address the reader as 'you', it tied the story together nicely.Anyways, I can't really say anything that hasn't already been said. Keep up the good work, Grochi. =)
"Pip, Flitter, and Flap landed gracefully on a branch.
Stellaluna tried to do the same. But she was not as graceful. How embarrassing!
"I will fly all day, Then no one will see how clumsy I am." ~Janelle Cannon