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The Newest MoL Spoof

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The one that started it all... If you're the kind of person who doesn't read topic titles, this is a spoof of BIONICLE: Mask of Light (2003), originally written in 2004.  Aside from some minor edits for the sake of formatting, grammar, and sanity (like seriously, why did I explain like half the jokes at the start of each chapter?!  Did I not realize people had the Internet and could look up what they didn't understand?!), this is all raw and unedited from my 14 year old brain.
Why did I think I could be sued for following the dialogue too closely?  Why did I straight up change random parts of the movie?  Why did I reuse several jokes to death and back again?  And what was with all that pie stuff?  These are but many of the questions you may be asking as you read.
The rest of it's pretty good, though.  Trust me.
Chapter 1- Lava Surfing

Vakama: Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Gathered friends, listen to our legend of the Bionicle.

Bionicle Fans: Yahoo!

Vakama: Ahem! In the time before time the Gr- Hey, wait a second! How can there be a time before time???

(GregF whispers in his ear)

Vakama: Oh!.... Can I tell them what happens in the Metru Nui storyline?

Director: Stop wasting time!

Vakama: Sorry! Some people... Anyway, the Great SPIRIT descended from the heavens carrying we, the Matoran to this para- actually we were Tohunga at the time, but that means something special in Maori and there was this big lawsuit and we needed to change our name and no one like my idea of the Pie-Eaters so we became Matoran.

Director: What are you doing?!?! Keep it up and I'll replace you with Nokama.

Vakama: Hey! You're not fighting fair!

Director: :mad:

Vakama: Where was I?......Oh, yeah. To this paradise. We were separate and without purpose (life was really boring, BZPower hadn't been invented yet).

Director: :burnmad:

Vakama: So the Great Spirit showed us the three virtues: Unity, Duty, and Destiny. (Go duty!!!)

Director: :huh:

Vakama: We thanked him by naming our island home after the Great Spirit himself: Makuta- I mean Mata Nui. But our happiness was not to last. Mata Nui's brother, the Makuta was jealous of these honors and betrayed him, he put Mata Nui into a deep slumber. The Makuta was free to unleash his shadows, and unleash them, he did. Hee! Hee! I sound like Yoda.............Ah! The Shadows! I can't see!!!

Director: You just blinked!

Vakama: I can see again!......Hey are we still filming?

Director: That's it! You're fired!

Vakama: :(


Mask of Light

(Title Scene)


(Now in Ta-Koro)

Jaller: Takua! He's got more rock in his head than a Po-Matorun... I mean Po-Matoran, it's a good thing I'm not reading the DVD subtitles.

Po-Matoran: Hey!

Jaller: Oops!..... Takua! (He sees Takua's Kolhii stick on the wall) :burnmad:(Jaller sets off for the lava caves) Takua! Takua!

Takua: Did you hear something?

Pewku: Nope.

Takua: Oh...... I didn't know you could talk!!!

Pewku: I can't.

Takua :blink:

Pewku: What do you expect? It's a movie, anything can happen!

Takua: Okay .......I prefer you didn't talk, it freaks me out .

Pewku: Sure, no problem. (She starts whistling the MoL tune in the background).

Takua: :glare:

Pewku: :ziplip:

Takua: Look at that! (Points at the totem) That's why they call me the Chronicler.

Jaller: Who's they?

Takua: I dunno...... Aren't you supposed to be here a few seconds later?

Jaller: Yeah, but there wasn't any traffic today.

Director: So what? Wait for your cue!

Jaller: Fine!

Takua: (Looking at the totem) Oooo... Pretty. I bet no one ever recorded this before.

Jaller: Duh! You're the only Chronicler!

Takua: Right...

Director: :glare:

Takua and Jaller: :ziplip:

(There is a five minute pause)

Director: Whose line is it?!?!

Jaller: It's your script.

Takua: Burn!.....(He bursts out laughing)

Jaller and Director: :huh:

Takua: Get it? Burn, lava, Ta-Koro?

(There's an awkward silence)

Takua: I'll shut up now.

Jaller: Takua!

Takua: That's my name, don't wear it out!

Jaller: What are you doing here all alone?

Takua: Pewku's here.

Pewku: He's got a point.

Takua: :glare:

Pewku: :ziplip:

Jaller: We're supposed to be at the Kolhii match.

Takua: But Ga-Koro is going to win!

Jaller: How do you know?

Takua: Why else would they make a MNOLG about someone other than me?

Jaller: You've got a point....... , but if we don't, Turaga Vakama will try to replace us...

Takua: (He gets a mental image of Vakama playing Kolhii and shudders)......Hang on a sec...Must-go-to-pretty-light.

Jaller: You're hopping across lava to look at a rock with light that comes out of nowhere on it?

Takua: Yep.

Jaller: Why not take the bridge?

Takua: It's a bit late now!

Jaller: Do you know what Turaga Vakama would say?

Takua doing a perfect imitation of Vakama: Trust in the Mask, let it be your guide.

Jaller: I asked what he would say, not what he will say.

Takua: Pretty light.

Jaller: :huh:

(Takua trips and hits the stone which falls into the lava)

Jaller: You Kolhii head!

Takua: Oopsie!

(Mol pops out of the lava)

Takua: Pretty.

Jaller: Have you considered therapy?

Takua Sarcastically: Ha. Ha. Ha.

Takua: Never seen this language before.

Jaller: Let's go!

Takua: Okie, Dokie! (Takua jumps onto the lavaboard and throws the Mask to Jaller. It hits him in the face and he falls down. A big lava wave hits Takua who falls into the lava and sinks)

Director: Holy Kanohi!

Jaller: Don't worry, he was just a stunt double.

Stunt Double: Help me! It burns!

Director: Quit your whining!

(Stunt Double swims to shore and hops out of the lava all burnt and crisp)

Stunt Double: I forgot about my lava-proof suit.

Director: Where's Tahu?!?!

Tahu Nuva: Sorry, I was just saving Mata Nui, it can wait.

(The Stunt Double hops onto the lavaboard and is picked up by Tahu Nuva)

Tahu Nuva: Chronicler! Sightseeing again? Let's get a closer look at those falls!

(Tahu jumps off the falls and does his lava surfing thing)

Tahu Nuva: So, Takua, this view close enough?

Takua Sarcastically: No I want to be closer.

Tahu Nuva Believingly: Really?

Takua: No! (Whispering:) Kolhii Head...... (Yelling:) Incoming!

(A gabajillion Bohrok come out of no where and start charging)

Tahu Nuva: Don't worry (He uses his Hau Nuva and the charging Bohrok all bounce off)

Takua: Cool!

(Tahu Nuva climbs up the wall)

Edited by SPIRIT
  • Upvote 7

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It's really great to see one of your comedies in this forum again. :)


This chapter was great. It was all very funny!


I can't say that I remember what happens in the future chapters, but that just makes me even more excited to read them. :)

Everyone is one choice away from being the bad guy in another person's story.



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Chapter 2- Kolhii Match
(The last Jaller saw of his best friend, Takua, was him flying off a cliff with Tahu Nuva.)
Jaller: Aw, Takua :(
Tahu Nuva: He owed you some widgets, didn't he?
Jaller: Yeah........So he didn't make it?
Tahu Nuva Sarcastically: He did, but I threw him into the lava anyway!
Jaller: :o
Takua: Hey there!
Jaller: :bigeek: (He faints in shock. Takua tries to revive him by slapping his face, but it doesn't work so Tahu Nuva tries. He slaps Jaller so hard, that he falls into the lava).
Jaller: Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! No lava-proof suit!
(Tahu Nuva reaches out and pulls Jaller out of the lava)
Jaller: Lousy Toa! Too strong for his own good...
Tahu Nuva: I can put you back in if you like.
Jaller: I'll pass.......(To Takua:) You're alive! (Under his breath:) Darn it! (Normally:) Kolhii head! You could have been lava bones!
Takua: Do I even have bones?
Jaller: I dunno.
(Pewku jumps on Takua and starts licking him)
Takua: Oooo...heavy...must-get-you-to-health-club...
Pewku: :mad:
Takua: ...Could have been, but I'm not.
Tahu Nuva: A Great Kanohi Mask!
Jaller: Duh!...It was in the lava, Takua-
Tahu Nuva: This could be important, but not as important as me, take it to Turaga Vakama, I'm sure he will have some use for it.
(In Takua's mind:) Vakama: This is a really great backscratcher! Takua, this is the best thing you've ever done!
(Reality:) (Takua shudders)
Tahu Nuva: Anyway, take this to Turaga Vakama, after you've won the Kolhii match.
Takua: But we won't win.
Tahu Nuva: What?!?!
Takua: Why else would Hahli have a MNOLG?
Tahu Nuva: You've got a point. (Muttering:) Better kill Gali now... (Normally:) And no more sightseeing!
Jaller: Yes ma'am- I mean sir!
Takua: You were right the first time.
Tahu Nuva: :burnmad:
Takua: :lol:
(In the Kolhii stadium)
Nokama Announcing: I am thankful to the Great Spirit and for the guy who fired Vakama.
Director: You're welcome!
Nokama: I am also pleased to take his job as Turaga leader so there will be some new rules: Gali Nuva is the new leader of the Toa, all Ga-Matoran rock- I mean water (that will be the new phrase), and I get to hit Lerahk in the head. Of course all that is after the Kolhii match. Anyway here are our protectors: The SPIRIT of fire, Tahu Nuva!
(Suddenly it becomes a fashion show)
Nokama: Who is wearing a stylish red Hau Nuva with two Magma Swords. Unfortunately red is so last season.
Director: :huh:
Nokama: The Spirit of Water: Gali Nuva! Who is wearing a gorgeous Kaukau Nuva that is completely in style: blue! She also has twin Aqua-Axes, a very good combo. And the Spirit of Stone:...Who cares?
Po-Matoran: :burnmad:
Nokama: Gulp! I mean Pohatu Nuva!
Tahu Nuva: Pleasure to see you again Gali (As Gali Nuva looks away, Tahu Nuva pulls out his swords to murder her.)
Gali Nuva: Thank you Tahu (Tahu quickly hides his swords.)
Under Tahu Nuva's Breath: Darn!
Pohatu Nuva: Brother! I am thrilled to be here!
Tahu Nuva: Well we couldn't have our first match without the Patron of Kolhii!
Pohatu Nuva: And so I am here!
Tahu Nuva: I meant me!
Pohatu Nuva: But you can't even kick!
Tahu Nuva: Oh...
Gali Nuva: Kolhii head!
Tahu Nuva: :mad:
Pohatu Nuva: Just put your differences aside for now. Have some fun! It is a Kolhii game after all.
Gali Nuva: I think my brother is afraid of having his fire put out.
Tahu Nuva: Against me, you are nothing but steam, hot air, as they say.
(Jaller and Takua come out of nowhere)
Jaller: Who's they?
Tahu Nuva: I dunno.
Gali Nuva: Yeah, the hot air that comes out of your mouth!
Takua: Burn!...(He bursts out laughing)
Jaller: Not funny.
Takua: Oh......
Onewa: Toot! Squeak! Click, click. Peep! Squeak!
Nokama: :huh: You've been spending too much time with Turaga Nuju, haven't you?
Onewa: Yeah...
Nokama: Their recent victories are a blessing, but they have forgotten how much they need each other.
Nokama to Herself: Indeed Nokama.
Director: :blink: What the- that's it! Vakama you're re-hired.
Everyone Except Vakama: Aw man!
Nokama: There go my plans...
Vakama Announcing: Hey everybody! I'm back!
Stadium: Aw man!
Vakama: I dedicate this stadium to Duty!
Everyone Except the Ta-Matorn: :blink:
Vakama: :glare: Fine to Unity and Destiny too.
Stadium: Yeah!
Announcer: Ta-Koro welcomes three teams, even though one lives here. From Po-Koro, cover- I mean Copper mask winners: Hewkii and Hafu! It's a good thing I'm not reading the American DVD subtitles. Ahem! From Ga-Koro: Hahli and Macku! And from Ta-Koro, the Captain of the Guard and the Chronicler himself: Jaller and Takua!
Jaller: Try your new move!
Takua: Of course! It's what the audience came for!
Jaller: I thought it was for the free food.
Hewkii, Hahli, and Takua: Play well, or as the Danes say: LEGO!
(The game begins and Hahli shoots the ball at Jaller, who hits it away.)
Jaller: Nothing gets by the captain of the guard, unless he wishes it.
Hahli: I'll keep that in mind.
Takua Singing:
Hahli and Jaller,
Sitting in a hut,
Guess what it says,
On Jaller's-
Jaller: Never mind! blush.gif
Takua: I was going to say hand!
(The game continues until it's time for Takua's Move. The ball comes flying at him, but Takua stops it like the bullets in The Matrix. Then he runs up the wall and flies through the air in slow motion. He gets down and runs towards the ball in normal speed and then slows down as he throws the ball at Vakama. It hits him so hard he goes right through the solid brick wall. Hahli scores and the game ends)
Announcer: Ga-Koro wins!
Takua: Told you so!
Hahli: Good job everyone! And Takua, nice move back there. Keep working on it, and you'll have something special.
Jaller: Who's in love now?
Takua: You are!
Jaller: Oh.......
Vakama: Congratulations to Ga-Koro and to the guy who re-hired me!
Director: Don't expect any favours.
(All the players bow and the MoL falls out of Jaller's backpack. Takua and Jaller start passing it back and forth. It ends up at Takua, who tilts it so that the light coming of the mask points at Jaller)
Jaller: The light! I can't see!
Vakama: Just open you eyes! It works for me.
Jaller: :glare:
(Everyone in the audience gasps in shock at the light coming off the Mask)

Edited by SPIRIT
  • Upvote 3

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The loss of the Forum Archive was a great blow to BZPower, and what really hurt was the knowledge that so many great stories of the old forums, posted by members who are no longer active here, were lost forever.  Even some members who are still active can't repost their old stories due to issues such as hard drive failures.  And it's funny... I was actually reminiscing about your spoofs the other day and, since you were no longer around and/or might not have them backed up, I was feeling saddened that I would never get to read them again.


And now, you're back.  And you've brought your spoofs back with you!


Back in the day, I rambled on and on telling you how much I enjoyed reading your spoofs.  Do they still hold up today?  Well, it does show signs of its age (largely due to every other BZPower comedy, including some of my own, trying to emulate this one's success, i.e. the "Seinfeld is Unfunny" phenomenon).  Still, it's a valuable piece of BZPower history and, even over ten years later, it still makes my face break out into a stupid grin as I chuckle over some of the more timeless gags.  And even for the not-so-timeless gags, I still say you're the only person on BZPower who can make a pie joke actually funny.


In short, it's great to see this nostalgic treat again.  And, once more, welcome back to BZPower!

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Chapter 3- The Mask of Light


(The MoL has just been found in the Kolhii stadium with Jaller. All the Matoran are surrounding Nokama as she is muttering while looking at the inside of the Mask)


Takua: What's she doing?


Jaller Sarcastically: Changing a light bulb.


Takua Believingly: Really?


Jaller: No! Translating!


Takua: Really?


Jaller: Yes.


Takua: Really?


Jaller: Yes...


Takua: Really?


Jaller: :glare:


Takua: :ziplip:


Nokama: This is the Mask of Light!


Jaller Sarcastically: Really? I would have never guessed from the title of the movie.


Nokama: A mask only to be worn by an 8¼th Toa.


Matoran: :huh:


Nokama: And by a seventh on too.


Gali Nuva: The prophecy is being fulfilled


Jaller: Duh!


Nokama: A Toa of Pie!


Takua: Mmmmm...Pie.


Nokama: (Pulls out her script) I mean a Toa of Light!


(Nokama looks inside the MoL and it says in Bionicle Letters: "Vakama is a Kolhii head!")


Nokama: Heh! Heh! Heh!


Vakama: Legends foretell the coming of an 8¼th Toa who will bring pie to everyone.


Takua: Mmmmm...Pie


Vakama: And of a Toa of Light who will bring light and awaken Makuta- I mean Mata Nui.


Tahu Nuva: What are we waiting for?


Gali Nuva: For you to get some common sense!


Takua: Burn!...(He bursts out laughing)


Jaller: Not funny then, not funny now!


Takua: Oh...


Tahu Nuva: We should prepare for this Toa's arrival.


Takua: But I'm already here!


Director: :burnmad:


Onewa: You wrecked the story!!!


Matoran: Get him!


Takua: :(


(They all grab Takua and hold him down. Then Pohatu Nuva kicks him as hard as possible. Takua flies over the Ta-Koro wall.)


Takua Flying Through the Air: I'll be back!...


Nokama: The Mask of Light chose who would find it... just like the One Ring in LOTR... I hope Tolkien doesn't sue us... Anyway, maybe it chose who would it bring to Sauron- I mean its master.


Tahu Nuva: Wait! At the stadium there was a sign... it said "Free Food!" And the Mask shown all its light one Matoran: (He points at Jaller) Jaller!


Jaller: Don't go pointing fingers now...


Tahu Nuva: He must be the herald of the 8¼th Toa, and the seventh one too.


Takua Yelling from far Away: But I found the Mask!


Everyone Else: Shut up!


Takua: :(...


Jaller: (Mentally:) I don't want to be the herald of the seventh Toa... what if I could get Takua to do it...

(Speaking:) Fine, we'll let you come back if you become the herald


Takua: Do I get any pie?


Jaller: :sly: Sure!


Takua: Deal!


(Takua comes flying back over the wall and lands beside Jaller)


Jaller: By the way, I lied about the pie.


Takua: That's okay, I lied about being the herald.


Vakama: Ahem!


Jaller: But, Takua! Say something...


Takua: I do say something: Jaller sleeps with a Hahli Plushie!


Jaller: blush.gif


Takua: I also say: Hail Jaller! Herald of the 8¼th and seventh Toa!


8¼th Toa: He's my herald?!?! That's it! I'm outta here!


(He opens a door out of thin air, goes inside, and closes it behind him)


Everyone Else: :huh:


Takua: No more pie?... :(


Jaller to Takua: You have to be herald.


Takua to Jaller: You have to give me some pie!


Vakama: Captain of the Guard, approach.


Jaller Whispering: Must kill Takua after he puts me in his will.


Takua: Go on! (He pushes Jaller forward)


Jaller: Hey! (He pushes Takua back)


Takua: You wanna start somthin' punk? (He punches Jaller)


Jaller: Let's take this outside!


Takua: We are out side.


Jaller: Oh...


Vakama Annoyed: AHEM!!!


(Jaller walks up to him)


Vakama: The Mask of Light has chosen you. Will you Search for the Seventh Toa?


Jaller: Sure, and Takua the Chronicler will join me.


Vakama: Perfect! (Mentally:) Now they'll both be gone!


Takua: Do I get any pie?


Jaller: :sly: Sure. Just put me in your will.


Takua: Okie, dokie (He pulls out a piece of paper from nowhere and writes "Jaller")


Jaller: Now I can kill you!


Takua: What about my pie?


Jaller: Here's your pie!!! (He hits Takua in the face with a pie.)


Takua: Aw... Now my will is invalid (He holds up a pie-covered will)


Director: Ahem!


Vakama: Thank you... While Jaller makes history, you will record it, and annoy the heck out of him too. Soon we will add another chapter to our great comedy- I mean wall.


Takua: Yes, it will be filled with Jaller's stupidity and his love letters to Hahli.


(Tahu Nuva goes somersaulting through the air and lands beside Pohatu Nuva)


Tahu Nuva: That was cool! I'm gonna do it again!


(The scene rewinds and then goes forward and then rewinds and then goes forward etc.)


Director: :glare:


Tahu Nuva: An 8¼th Toa, and a seventh one too... but why now?


Pohatu Nuva: Who can fathom the wisdom of Mata Nui?


GregF: I can!


Pohatu Nuva: That was a rhetorical question.


GregF: Oh.......... I like your attitude robotic-brown-guy... maybe I'll write a story about you...


Pohatu Nuva: :D ... At least I can bring so good news to the north.


Tahu Nuva: You travel with Gali?


Pohatu Nuva: No way! She has cooties!


GregF: Actually, I'll write my story staring you, big-red-robotic-guy-with-a-toilet-paper-on-his-shoe.


Tahu Nuva: Where?


GregF: Made you look!


Pohatu: Aw....... I wanted a story...


(Gali Nuva is meditating at Kini Nui)


Gali Nuva: Gasp! A seventh star!


(Everyone else looks up.)


Gali Nuva: Made you look!


(Gali Nuva starts meditating again and she begins to float.)


Gali Nuva: I can fly!


(In Makuta's Lair)


Makuta: The seventh Toa is coming... again the prophesies of the Matoran oppose my will... must I release those who should never see the light of day?


Mata Nui Whispering: Don't!


Makuta: Hee! Hee! I sound like Yoda!


Vakama: You too?


Makuta: How'd you get in?


Vakama: The back door.


Makuta: Oh........ You must stay asleep.... their Ubnity, their Unimity, their Unmitty- I can't talk today! What the heck?... Go my sons and keep my brother asleep.


Lerahk: Okie, dokie daddy.


Makuta: :burnmad: You're supposed to be evil!!!


Guurahk: Oh... MUHA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!


Makuta: That's better.


Panrahk: We're gonna trash the Toa, see ya.


Makuta: Don't slam the- (Door slams) door......Kids... they grow up so fast. It seems like only a few minutes ago they were little kraata. Now they're big old Rahkshi beating up Toa. They make me so proud!


Director: :blink: Note to self: Next time hire a new villain, maybe the Morbuzakh...

Edited by SPIRIT
  • Upvote 4

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Vakama: And of a Toa of Light who will bring light and awaken Makuta- I mean Mata Nui.

Even though Takanuva didn't revive him, this is kind of accurate to the canon story. In fact Makuta did 'wake up' in the MU. Just though I'd point that out.


Anyways, the second and third chapters were just as good as the first. There were too many funny things for me to mention. I look forward to reading the coming chapters! :)

Everyone is one choice away from being the bad guy in another person's story.



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Chapter 4- A Journey Begins

(Last time, Makuta sent out his sons, the Rahkshi, to get the MoL. Now Vakama, Takua, Jaller, Hahli, and Pewku are leaving Ta-Koro.)

Vakama: Pohatu Nuva has left for the north- the weird thing is that the warmest climate is north, and the coldest one is to the west, so then :wacko: .... He spreads word of your search.

Takua: Thanks. I'll take any help I can- give to Jaller- for the quest- that should be mine...

Jaller: You can have it if you want.

Takua: No thanks. You get a free pie daily in my job.

Jaller: From whom?

Takua: I have my sources...

Hahli: Look, Jaller, don't get mushy.

Takua: Oh, he wants more than mushy. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

Director: Shut up Takua! This is a PG movie!

Takua: It is?!?! Whoa I must be on the wrong set.

Hahli: I have no time for a long goodbye.

Jaller: I was just going to say-

Takua: Say it! Say it!!!

Everyone Else: :huh:

Takua: Maybe I'll stop watching those soap operas.

Director: That's your first (and only) good idea ever.

Jaller: Well-

(Takua gasps in anticipation)

Jaller: You owe me a re-match in Kolhii.

Takua: Aw, he didn't say it.

Hahli: Hurry back, 'cause I'll be practising.

Jaller: :wub:

Hahli: :wub:

(Takua does a summersalt-kick-puch-Kung-Fu-flip onto Pewku)

Pewku: Cool. Is that for the movie you're supposed to be in?

Takua: :glare:

Pewku: :ziplip:

(They all watch Hahli walk away)

Vakama: And to think, that could have been Nokama and I in our Toa Metru days...

Jaller and Takua: :huh:

Vakama: Was that out loud?!?!

Jaller to Takua: You're bringing Pewku?

Takua Sarcastically: No, I'm sitting here because it's more comfortable.

Jaller: Really? Can I try?

Vakama: You two are going to have to decide who's sarcastic and who's gullible!

Takua: We all learn from our mistakes. That's why Mata Nui isn't bringing Jaller back in a later life.

Vakama: Oh...

(Jaller jumps onto Pewku and then punches Takua in the face)

Takua: Ow! What was that for?

Jaller: For what happened at Tahu Nuva's Suva.

Takua: Oh...

Vakama: Makuta is powerful.

(Takua starts copying Vakama)

Vakama: You must not take the journey lightly... well actually you should because light stops shadows, a Mask of Light, get it?......... (There is complete silence)

Takua: (He stops copying Vakama) Now I remember why I left Ta-Koro to begin with.

Jaller: Oh, and your jokes are any better?

Takua: You don't like my jokes? :(

Jaller: Why did you leave Ta-Koro anyway?

Takua: Lego, Nintendo, and other various gaming companies, wanted a video game, so I offered to help.

Jaller: Oh...

(Takua resumes copying Vakama)

Vakama: It will tolerate none of your foolery....... :glare:

Takua: (He stops copying Vakama again) You talkin' to me?

Vakama: Sigh!

Takua: So how do we know where to start?

Vakama: You could check the map, or you could trust in the Mask, let it be your guide.

Takua: Told you so!

Jaller: You didn't tell me anything!

Takua: And I quote:

Jaller: Do you know what Turaga Vakama would say?

Takua doing a perfect imitation of Vakama: Trust in the Mask, let it be your guide.

Jaller: I asked what he would say, not what he will say.

Jaller: That wasn't directly telling...

(Jaller pulls out the MoL and points it at Takua. Tons of light starts to come off it.)

Jaller: Hard to argue with that.

Takua: Well, if you had a decent, lawyer...

Vakama: Forget your Duty, and travel wherever you please.

Takua: But I thought you had an unnatural obsession for Duty.

Vakama: It was just a phase...

Takua: Oh...

Jaller: Let's play tag... You're it!

Takua: You're it!

Jaller: No, you're it!...

Vakama: Intelligently, wherever you please.

Takua: Ha, Pewku! You're it.

Pewku: Hey! Play fair! I don't have any hands!

Takua: :glare:

Pewku: :ziplip:

(At Kini Nui, Gali Nuva wakes up. Several birds are flying away from a huge shadow of clouds. Suddenly, the gateway to Mangaia explodes, exposing Guurahk, Panrahk, and Lerahk.)

Gali Nuva: Makuta- I mean Mata Nui!

(The Rahkshi attack Gali Nuva who falls in the water. The Rahkshi then head for Ta-Koro)

Gali Nuva: They're heading for Ta-Koro!

Lerahk: Duh! Can't you read the narration?

Gali Nuva: No.......... I'm illiterate.

Guurahk: Ha! Ha!

Gali Nuva: blush.gif

Panrahk: Anyway, back to our spread of peanut butter- I mean evil.

(The Rahkshi continue to Ta-Koro, but Gali Nuva beats them to it.)

Guard: A Toa of Water is coming! A Toa of Water is coming!

Gali Nuva: (She jumps up the wall) Thanks for the warning, I'll keep that in mind.......... hey! Aren't you that Kolhii announcer?

Guard: Yeah....

Gali Nuva: And Takua's Stunt Double?

Director: Sorry, I'm on a tight budget.

Gali Nuva: Oh........... Sound the alarm!

Guard Announcing: Ta-Koro welcomes one Toa of Water. Today she will be facing the Rahkshi in a battle for the Mask of Light. Her allies are: anyone crazy enough to help!........ I like my job.

(He blows his shell-horn, then so does everyone else. A Matoran pulls the switch to close the door, but it doesn't work. A random Ta-Matoran goes out to check the bridge, then the door closes and the bridge begins to sink.)

Random Ta-Matoran: Help me! Anyone! Aren't you my friends?!?!

Other Guards: Nope.

(The random Ta-Matoran is covered in lava and disappears. Then Takua and Jaller pop up out of nowhere.)

Takua: Burn!...... Literally.... (He bursts out laughing)

Jaller: That was actually, moderately funny.

Takua: Finally.

(Takua and Jaller disappear.)

Nokama: Rahkshi!

Vakama: Duh!... Exactly as foretold- even though there were loads of them in Metru Nui.

Director: Shut up!

Vakama: Okay...

Tahu Nuva: None have breached Ta-Koro's gates before... well except for Tahnok-Kal, and maybe that pizza delivery guy, oh yeah! That door-to-door sales man too... Well no one else shall today.

(Tahu Nuva pulls his sword of nowhere.)

Director: :huh:

Tahu Nuva: They're collapsible.

Director: Oh...

(Tahu Nuva is blasted by Lerahk and flies back)

Vakama: Makuta- I mean Mata Nui protect us.

Gali Nuva: I'll save you Tahu Nuva!

(Panrahk attacks Gali who flies away)

Gali Nuva in Arnold Schwarzenegger's Voice: I'll be back!

(The Rahkshi start terrorizing the Matoran)

Guurahk: Give your lunch money now!

Lerahk: Mmmmm... Lunch!

(Then Tahu Nuva charges at Panrahk who is looking through some rocks.)

Panrahk: Wait! I lost my lucky widget!

Tahu Nuva: I'll help you find it!

(Then it becomes bright and sunny. Tahu Nuva and Panrahk look through all the rocks and giggle childishly.)

Tahu Nuva: I found it!

Panrahk: Yeah!...................... You can blast me at any time now.

Tahu Nuva: Oh...

(The scene becomes dark again and Tahu Nuva blasts the ground with all his power. The ground gets hot and starts cracking and Panrahk is some how defeated.)

Gali Nuva: We must get the Matoran to safety.

Tahu Nuva: You mean surrender?!?!

Gali Nuva: Well, if you put it that way-

Tahu Nuva: Okay!

Gali Nuva: Aren't you supposed to make some crazy hotheaded decision like stay here?

Tahu Nuva:......... Oh! I thought you meant poke you in the eye. (He pokes her in the eye)

Gali Nuva: Ow! What was that for?!?!

Tahu Nuva: I dunno...... they're just so pretty and-

Gali Nuva: I have pretty eyes?!?! :wub:

Tahu Nuva: Yeah :wub: .......... fine we'll leave and give up.

(Takua appears out of nowhere again)

Takua: Aw, they didn't say it...... (Once again, he disappears)

Edited by SPIRIT
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Chapter 5- The Rahkshi

(Last time, the Rahkshi began their attack on Ta-Koro and the Toa have decided to retreat. Now Guurahk punches a hole in a Ta-Koran hut.)

Guurahk: Honey! I'm home!

Ta-Matoran in the Hut to his Friend: I hope he's your honey.

(Guurahk continues destroying the place and then heads towards Hahli. Just when it seems like there is no escape, a blue arm shoots down and grabs her.)

Hahli: Ah!

(She then notices it's Gali Nuva)

Hahli: AHHHH!!!

Gali Nuva: .... See the others to safety!

Hahli: How?

Gali Nuva: Don't ask me! It's not like I'm the hero or anything.

(Hahli finds a place with lots of switches and buttons)

Hahli: I wonder what this button does...


Hahli: Uh oh!

(She pulls a lever and the bridge comes back up. On it is the Random Ta-Matoran from before.)

Random Ta-Matoran: Thank you!

(Everyone runs across the bridge and knocks him back into the lava.)

Random Ta-Matoran: I should really invest in some life insurance.

(Vakama is hitting Lerahk in the head with his Firestaff)

Vakama: Back! You foul creature!

Lerahk: Just because my daddy's Makuta; I spread poison and peanut butter; I'm green; I'm destroying your village and causing you eternal doom (He inhales), doesn't mean I don't have feelings. :(

Vakama: One more step and I'll-

Lerahk: And you'll what? Shine light on me?

Vakama: Yes. (He shines the light of his Firestaff onto Lerahk)

Lerahk: The light!!! It burns!!!

Tahu Nuva: I'll take it from here wise one.

Vakama: Wise one?..................................................... Oh! Are you talking to me?

Tahu Nuva: :glare:

Vakama: But I was winning!

Tahu Nuva, Lerahk, and Director: MOVE!!!

Vakama: Okay, okay!...... Cheeky little whippersnappers! If I wasn't so old...

(Tahu Nuva and Lerahk start fighting and Lerahk pushes Tahu Nuva on the floor then hisses at him)

Lerahk: HISSSSS!!!

Director: Are you illiterate too.

Lerahk: :(

Tahu Nuva: YUCK! What horrible breath! Do you even brush your teeth?!?!

Lerahk: I don't have any!

Tahu Nuva: Oh...

(The continue fighting and as soon as Tahu Nuva starts winning, Gali Nuva "accidentally" blasts the Rahkshi and him with water.)

Gali Nuva: Oh No! Your mask, I'm sorry!

(Tahu Nuva is drenched in water and there is a glowing, green scratch on his mask.)


Gali Nuva: That's not what I meant...

(Lerahk poisons the ground.)

Gali Nuva: POISON!!!

Tahu Nuva: I should really get you some reading lessons.
(Mentally:) Tahu Nuva: Here, I got you a book on how to read.
Gali Nuva: Wow! Thanks!


Tahu Nuva: Heh! Heh! Heh! :lol: ... (He throws his lavaboard onto the lava)

Tahu Nuva: Jump on!

(Gali Nuva jumps and falls into the lava.)

Director: She had a stunt double, right?...

(There is silence.)

Director: Right?

(Ta-Koro is destroyed and the Rahkshi leave.)

Tahu Nuva: They could have destroyed us, but why didn't they?

Vakama: They didn't have enough money to defend themselves in court on account of murder... They are also seekers, they have 200 posts... No, wait! They are Seekers, but they didn't find the Golden Snitch.

(Again, there is silence.)

Vakama: Didn't you see the movie?

Gali Nuva: Don't look at me! I'm illiterate!

Vakama: :huh: ........... How'd you get here? Didn't you fall into the lava?

Gali Nuva: I did, but I can swim!

Vakama: Oh...

Gali Nuva: So what were they after?

Vakama: Makuta fears for his spell of shadows.

Gali Nuva: The Mask of Light?

Vakama: No! His spell!

Gali Nuva: :huh:

Vakama: I said he fears for his spell.

Gali Nuva: Are they looking for the Mask of Light?

Vakama: Oh!... Yes.

Tahu Nuva: Then they Search for the Seventh Toa! Takua and Jaller-

Gali Nuva: We'll summon the other Toa to find them.

Tahu Nuva: Don't bother.

Gali Nuva: Okay!........................... Aren't we supposed to be united?

Tahu Nuva: Fine! Just don't get Kopaka Nuva.

(The scene closes on Tahu Nuva's Mask.)

Gali Nuva: Ew!

Tahu Nuva: What? My scratch?

Gali Nuva: No...

Tahu Nuva: My mask?

Gali Nuva: No...

Tahu Nuva: Then what?!?!

Gali Nuva: Your face!

Tahu Nuva: :glare:

(In Le-Wahi, Takua and Jaller are riding Pewku.)

Takua: I hate the jungle!

Jaller: How can you say that?

Takua: Easy! I open my mouth, then I vibrate my vocal cords...

Jaller: Is there anywhere you do feel at home?

Takua: I don't complain about Ta-Koro.

Jaller: Then why don't you stay?

Takua: 'Cause I do complain about Vakama.

Jaller: Oh.............. But you're always looking for stories!

Takua: And?.......

Jaller: What about your story?

Takua: What about my story?

Jaller: I dunno.

Takua: Even so, I don't have a story.

Jaller: We all have a destiny you know.

Takua: Mine's to become the seventh Toa!

Director: :glare:

Takua: You know me-

Jaller: No I don't.

Takua: Always different.

(Graalok the Ash Bear comes out of nowhere and roars at them.)

Takua, Jaller, and Pewku: AHHH!!!

Pewku: Bad breath.

Takua: I'm not even going to bother.

(The bear starts chasing them, so Jaller runs up a tree.)

Jaller: Tahu Nuva does this.

Takua: What? Run away?!?!

Jaller: Yep.

(Jaller jumps on the bear and starts riding it backwards so he can remove the infected mask.)

Takua and Pewku: :uhuh:

(Suddenly vines come in out of nowhere and trap the ash bear. Then Lewa Nuva swings in from nowhere too.)

Takua: Toa Lewa, SPIRIT of Air.

Jaller: Duh!...... What was the point of that?

Takua: To inform viewers who don't know a lot about Bionicle.

Jaller Sarcastically: Sure! Like anyone who's not a fan would watch this.

Pewku: You're right, Jaller.

Takua: :glare:

Pewku: :ziplip:

Lewa Nuva: Where did you learn to bear-fight like that, brave fire-spitter?

Jaller Sarcastically: Actually I took three extensive courses at Harvard on the subject.

Lewa Nuva: You too?!?!

Jaller: Better finish what I started. (He pulls out his knife.)

Lewa Nuva: What you gonna do with that, slow-think fire-spitter? Are you going to file the ash bear's scratch-claws. (He releases the bear who falls with a thud.)

Graalok: Stupid Toa...

Takua: Uh, un! At- ti- tude! :talk2hand: (He then starts doing other girly things too.)

Everyone Else: :uhuh:

Lewa Nuva: Go now, sister-bear.

Graalok: Dude! I'm a guy!

Lewa Nuva: Oh......... Word is, deep-wood, you Search for the Seventh Toa.

Takua: He searches, I follow. He's the herald, I'm his biographer. He dies, and I save the island.

Director: :burnmad:

Lewa Nuva: If Lewa Nuva helped on your search, might he be a spirit-lift?........ I talk-sound like Yoda.

Vakama and Makuta: You too?!?!

Takua: You? With us?

Jaller: We'd be honoured to have you walk with us.

Lewa Nuva: Walk? Not-never! If you come with me they'll be no foot-walkin' just air-flyin'..... and maybe a taxi ride here and there. (He whistles and summons a Gukko bird.)

Lewa Nuva: Ever wind-fly a Gukko?

Takua: Well, I've been a Second in a Kahu.

Jaller: The thing is a Gukko Kahu.

Takua: Oh...

Lewa Nuva: Well then today's for quick-learning and life-insurance-getting.

Takua: Sorry Pewku, no room.

Pewku: Couldn't I fit in the glove-compartment?

Takua: I don't have any gloves.

Pewku: :huh:

(Jaller, Takua, and Lewa Nuva fly to Ko-Wahi. Then the Gukko crashes.)

Takua: Look at you, all covered in snow! What would your mother say?

Jaller: I don't have a mom...

Takua: Neither do I... (They both burst out into tears.)

(The Le-Koran drums start playing.)

Lewa Nuva: The drums of Le-Koro tell a sorry-bad tale.

Drums: On upon a time there were three little pigs...

Lewa Nuva: Uh... Your village has fallen off a cliff- I mean fallen to Rahkshi, the Makuta sons.

Jaller: My village? In trouble?

Lewa Nuva: Actually, your village. Lava-sinking.

Jaller: I should have been there.

Lewa Nuva: It is past-late to help now fire-spitter.

Jaller: Takua will replace me.

Takua: No pie, no deal!


Takua: I like it... gotta a problem with that?

Lewa Nuva: Stop! What is this pie-quarrel? We will all get pie, no time to infight. I must go be with the Toa, then I'll go to your village, heart-promise.

Takua: But the Toa are at Ta-Koro.

Lewa Nuva: Oh...

Jaller: I can't thank you enough.

Lewa Nuva: Well, I wouldn't say no to a pie.

(Lewa Nuva flies away.)

Lewa Nuva: I can fly!

Director: Duh!

Edited by SPIRIT
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Chapter 6- Toa of Ice

(Last time the Rahkshi destroyed Ta-Koro and Lewa Nuva lead Takua and Jaller to Ko-Wahi. Now Takua and Jaller are walking through a snowstorm.)

Takua: Do you see anything familiar?

Jaller: Hey! That snowflake looks like the one we saw a while ago.

Takua Sarcastically: Sure it does...

Jaller: Well, maybe we'd know where we were going if the real herald had the mask... what am I saying? You couldn't even find water if you fell out a canoe.

Takua: That's cold... (He bursts out laughing)

Jaller: Oh, boy!

Takua: (Still laughing.) Snowstorm, ice, Ko-Koro... get it?

Jaller: I should have seen that coming.

(They both keep walking and crash into some Bohrok.)

Takua and Jaller: AHHH!!!

Takua: They're not wearing any pants!

Bohrok: Neither are you...

Takua: AHHH!!!

Bohrok: Uh... have you seen the pie shop?

Takua: Go straight and make a right.

Bohrok: Thanks!

Jaller: Okay...

(Kopaka Nuva appears in the snowstorm and uses his sword to stop it.)

Takua: Kopaka, Toa of Ice.

Kopaka Nuva: First of all it's Nuva. Say it with me.

Kopaka Nuva and Takua: NUUUUUVAAAA

Kopaka Nuva: Secondly: Duh! Who else would I be?

Takua: The 8¼th Toa?

Kopaka Nuva: Good guess... but no.

Takua: :(

Jaller: How did you find us?

(Kopaka Nuva pulls out a complicated device with several buttons and lights.)

Kopaka Nuva: GPS

Takua: Cool.... Ha! Ha! Ha!... get it?

Jaller: :glare: One of these days... (To Kopaka Nuva:) We're on a mission. I suppose you've heard of it?

Kopaka Nuva: No.

Takua: That's cold... (He bursts out laughing.)

Director: That's even starting to annoy me and you know how hard it is to do that.

(He turns to the Matoran giving him coffee who is actually the random Ta-Matoran from before.)

Director: :burnmad: I SAID NO SUGAR!!!

Random Ta-Matoran: That's it! I quit!... hey that rhymes!

Director:... Ahem! Continue.

Jaller: We're searching for the seventh and 8¼th Toa. You see, Takua was eating pie and (He starts rambling.)

In Kopaka's Mind: These guys are such Kolhii heads... I wonder what the salary is for working for Makuta.

(In Ta-Koro.)

Tahu Nuva: It's gone, Lewa.

Lewa Nuva Sarcastically: Really? I would have never think-guessed. You really are a slow-think Toa-hero

Tahu Nuva: :glare:

(Gali Nuva sees that Tahu Nuva's scratch is getting worse.)

Gali Nuva Sympathetically: Tahu.

Tahu Nuva: You really do care. :wub:..........

Director: Ahem!

Tahu Nuva: Right... uh... You worry about scratches?!?! My village is gone.

Gali Nuva: Do you want me to kiss it better? :wub:

Director: It's a PG!!!

Lewa Nuva: We are same-hearted brother, I thank you for the transplant... oh, quick-wait!... and that heart will help us stop the evil-spread and the peanut-butter-spread too.

Gali Nuva: First we must be united.

Tahu Nuva: Blah! Blah! Blah!

Gali Nuva: :mad:

(In Ko-Wahi.)

Kopaka: Kokoro- I mean Ko-Koro. Thankfully my script isn't DVD subtitles.... Now!

(Energy comes blasting out of Ko-Koro. Kopaka Nuva grabs Takua and Jaller and takes them to safety.)

Jaller: Good call!

Kopaka Nuva: Thanks.

(They start running.)

Kopaka: Stop!

(They're at the edge of a cliff.)

Jaller: Another good call.

Kopaka Nuva: Go!

(He throws down his shield and Takua hops in and waits for Jaller.)

Jaller: The captain of the guard never-

Takua: Shut up! And stop referring to yourself in third person.

(The Rahkshi advance and Panrahk blasts Kopaka Nuva who goes flying off the cliff. Luckily he lands on his Power-Skates. The Rahkshi keep trying to blast him as he goes after Takua and Jaller.)

Takua: Dead end!

Jaller: No back-seat-driving!

Takua: :huh:

(Kopaka Nuva grabs them just in time, but then the Rahkshi hit them and they fall off another cliff. Kopaka Nuva is knocked unconscious and the Rahkshi head for Takua and Jaller.)

Takua: The Mask!

(He grabs the Mask and starts paddling away on Kopaka Nuva's shield or a lake.)

Jaller: Hey wait! How can there be water here, that's not frozen.

(Pewku appears out of nowhere.)

Pewku: It's a movie, anything can happen.

Jaller: Oh... What are you doing here?

Pewku: Uh... (She disappears.)

(Kopaka Nuva regains consciousness and blasts the Rahkshi who fall in the lake.)

Kopaka Nuva: Rahkshi, washed and chilled.

Jaller: That is an awesome quote. I am going to use it 'til the time after time... what was it again?

Takua: :rolleyes:

(Kopaka Nuva freezes the lake, imprisoning the Rahkshi. A hand flies out of the water and tries to get Takua.)

Takua: AHHH!!!... No nail polish! (He falls over backwards and twists his mask.)

(The rest of the lake freezes and then the Rahkshi's hand does too.)

Kopaka Nuva: It moves- I mean good moves. It's a good thing I'm not reading the UK DVD subtitles.

Takua: Even I get lucky sometimes.

Jaller: Hey, Takua! We just won the lottery!

Takua: Fine, most of the time.

Kopaka Nuva: Not luck, it's what you do that makes a hero.

Jaller: Another beautiful phrase.

Takua: :uhuh:

(Pewku comes running down the ice.)

Jaller: No, Stop!

Pewku: :( Fine! I know when I'm not wanted.

Takua: You can come if you stop talking.

Pewku: Okay.

Takua: :glare:

Pewku: :ziplip:

(She jumps on Takua and starts licking him.)

Takua: She must have come through the jungle.

Pewku: Actually, I took the elevator but-

Takua: That's it! (He grabs some duct tape and tapes her mouth so much, that he uses all of it.)

Takua: Now what am I going to do with this ring of cardboard?

Gollum: Gives it to us, precious!

Sméagol: No. We doesn't want it. Must gives it to master.

Director: You guy, uh, guys... whatever, are in the wrong room. You need to go down the hall and make a left.

Sméagol: Okay, precious.

(Outside in front of a door that says EXIT.)

Sméagol: This must be the place.

Gollum: Must have the precious! Gollum! Gollum!

(Back in the MoL studio.)

Kopaka Nuva: :huh: Okay... (He leaves.)

Jaller: Not bad. Maybe Pewku should be the herald, right Kopaka?

Kopaka Nuva Yelling from far Away: NUVA!!!

Jaller: Whatever.... he just left us here!

Takua: He must see to his village.

(They continue their journey and walk up to a cave. Meanwhile,)

Kopaka Nuva: Suckers! I can't wait 'til this ends.... (To the camera:) What are you lookin' at?

Camera: A Kolhii head.

Kopaka Nuva: Oh... Hey!

Edited by SPIRIT
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Chapter 7- Where there are Shadows

(Last time, Kopaka Nuva single-handedly beat three Rahkshi when Gali Nuva and Tahu Nuva together couldn't... Now Takua, Jaller and Pewku are approaching a cave and there is a sign by the door.)

Takua Reading: Jaller is a Kolhii head.

Jaller: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! ... Hey!

Takua: Fine! It says "Onu-Koro Highway", but we don't have a lightstone.

Jaller: Who needs lightstones?

Voice from Inside the Cave: I do!

Jaller: Rhetorical question!

Voice: Oh...

(Jaller uses the light coming off the Mask of Light to see and goes into the cave.)

Takua: I hate tunnels!

Tunnel: That's not very nice!

Takua: :huh:

(They walk through the cave and Takua leaves the group to look at some writing on the wall.)

Takua Reading: Do not read sign... Oops! (He grabs some glowing plants on the ground and puts them on his head like rabbit ears.)

Takua: Look at me, Jaller!

Director: Kolhii head!

Takua: :( ... Jaller?

Makuta: Takua.

Takua: That's my name, don't wear it out!

Makuta: Takua.

Takua: Guys? Where are you?

Makuta: Takua!

Takua: Jaller? Jaller!

Makuta: Tak- ta- Oh great! I've worn it out!

(Takua starts running and crashes into a wall.)

Makuta: Kolhii head!

Takua: That's starting to hurt...

(Two big red eyes appear, floating in the darkness.)

Takua: Talk about bloodshot!

Makuta: Shadows are everywhere and where they are, so am I...

Vakama and Lewa Nuva: Yay for people who talk like Yoda!

Takua: I know who you are! I-I'm not afraid...

Makuta: Actually, my name's Makuta not "I-I'm not afraid"

Takua: :rolleyes: Whatever!

Makuta: Even my shadows cannot hide your fear, or the truth.

Takua: What truth?

Makuta: You want the truth? Do you really want the truth?! Well I'll give you the truth: I can't handle the truth!!!

Takua: :huh: ........................................ Ahem! What truth?

Makuta: That you will not find the seventh Toa, but you might find the 8¼th one... and you know it!

Takua: What if I won't? Maybe Jaller will.

Makuta: If he fails, he will die because of you.

Director: You ruined the movie again!

Takua: Don't look at me!

Director: Why would I?

Takua: 'Cause I'm cute.

Director Fake-Coughing: Ugly!

Takua: :glare:

Makuta: ... Give me the mask! Give it to me! And you won't lose your friend.

Takua: You didn't say please!

Makuta: :glare: .......... Pretty please... with a pie on top...

Takua: Mmmm... Pie... No! I won't let everyone down!

Makuta: Too late!...... I mean you'll fail them more if you refuse. For the mask, your villages and Jaller will be spared.

Takua: How about just my villages.

Makuta: Deal!

Takua: Just kidding! (He runs away.)

Jaller: Takua! The mask is pointing this way. So where did you wander off to?

Takua Sarcastically: Florida.

Jaller: Cool!

Takua: No, it was hot... Uh... about the mask-

Jaller: Are you finally going to take it?!?!

Takua: Do you have any pie?

Jaller: No...

Takua: There's your answer.

Jaller: What?

Takua: PIE!!! Or 3.14159265....... I mean No!

Jaller: :( Oh...

Takua: I can't go with you.

Jaller: What?!

Takua: I said: I can't go with you.

Jaller: What?!?!


Jaller: :glare: ... First you give me your duty, now you're ditching me?!?!

Takua: Yup. That pretty much sums it up... except for the part about me stealing your pie.

Jaller: Why?

Takua: 'Cause pie's good!

Jaller: :glare: No! Why are you leaving?!?!

Takua: Never mind! I quit-

Director: YES!!! (Singing:) Celebrate good times-

Takua: From helping Jaller.


Takua: Take the mask and go!

Jaller: Fine! I'll find the seventh and 8¼th Toa whether you're the true herald or not!

(They split up. Takua with Pewku and Jaller with the mask and his imaginary friend, Bob.)

Jaller: So Bob, 'sup?

Bob: Nothin' much dude.

Jaller: Dude! No one says "dude" nowadays.

Bob: Oh... :(

(In Makuta's lair)

Makuta: My good will refused? I thought I had him with the pie-thing. My noble sons are frozen in ice. Somehow Kopaka-

Kopaka Nuva: That's Kopaka NUVA

Makuta: Whatever! Somehow Kopaka Nuva was able to defeat them when Tahu Nuva and Gali Nuva couldn't... weird :blink: ... So my hand is cast (He puts down 5 Aces.) MUHA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!... Now I must pierce that which they hold dear: Their teddy bears!

Toa Nuva: Anything but that!

Makuta: Fine, fine! Anger amongst them will threaten their precious Unity.

Gollum: My precious! Gollum! Gollum!

Makuta: Shut up!... Hunger will consume their Duty... (His stomach rumbles.) Must be lunch time...

Kurahk: Mmm... Lunch!

Lerahk: That's my line!

Kurahk: Whatever!

Makuta: Fear will keep them from their Destiny They will not disturb you-

(There's a loud crash)

Makuta: Turahk!!!

Turahk: What?

Makuta: :glare:

(In Onu-Koro)

Pohatu Nuva: Onua, my friend, it seems bashing granite has done you well!

Onua Nuva: Actually it was Jenny Craig.

Pohatu Nuva: :bigeek: You bashed Jenny Craig?!?!

Onua Nuva: Kolhii head!... You should try doing a real job!

Tehutti: Like being an Archivist?

Director: :sly: I like your speed at coming up with things to say... you're hired!

Tehutti: Hired for what?

Director: Don't get smart with me, mister!

Onua Nuva: Yes... Anyway... You should try mining, it's a real job.

Pohatu Nuva: But none of this is real.

Onua Nuva: What?!?!

Pohatu Nuva: This is just the fantasy world of Bob Thompson, Greg Farshtey and other Lego writers.

Onua Nuva: I couldn't have told you that.

Pohatu Nuva: Duh! It's my line!

Onua Nuva: Oh... Say, how goes the carving?

Pohatu Nuva; How goes the carving?

Onua Nuva: :glare:

Pohatu Nuva: It is magnificent, but not as good as what I have to say.

(Pohatu Nuva is surrounded by Onu-Matoran.)

Pohatu Nuva: The Mask of Light has been found!

(There is dead silence.)

Pohatu Nuva Uncertainly: Uh... we're all saved...

Crowd: Yay!!!

Pohatu Nuva: Jaller and Takua are Seeking the Seventh and 8¼th Toa as we speak.

(As he says this, Pewku and Takua walk in.)

Pewku: This is... awkward...

Takua: Uh... (Everyone looks at them) (Uncertainly:) Pewku did it...

Pohatu Nuva: Chronicler, where is the herald?

Takua: We were separated when the Rahkshi came.

Onua Nuva: Who are the Rahkshi?

Vorahk: That would be us... here's our business card:


Makuta's Lair

Name: Rahkshi

Occupation: Find the MoL

Onua Nuva: Thanks!

Takua: But they were different ones.

Pohatu Nuva: Just those are plenty for now!

Onua Nuva: Welcome to Onu-Koro!

Rahkshi: Thank you, how n-

(Onua Nuva make an explosion and several rocks collapse on them.)

Edited by SPIRIT
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Chapter 8- Onu-Koro

(Last time Makuta unleashed the other three Rahkshi and Takua and Jaller split up. Now the newly-released Rahkshi are destroying Onu-Koro, but Onua Nuva just buried them in rocks, but they have escaped.)

Vorahk: I'd sue whoever sold you this place, it keeps collapsing!

Onua Nuva: What?!?! The Onu-Matoran and I built it!

Vorahk: Then it's worse.

Onua Nuva: Grrrr!

(Onua Nuva and Vorahk start fighting. Vorahk pushes Onua Nuva to the ground and drains his energy.)

Onua Nuva: My strength is gone!

Pohatu Nuva: For cryin' out loud! Use your Pakari Nuva, the mask of strength!!!

(Onua Nuva faints and Turahk blasts Pohatu Nuva with fear-waves.)

Pohatu Nuva: I- I can see my worst fear... Bionicle is cancelled! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

(Pohatu Nuva faints, the GregF and the Director do too. All the Matoran, including Takua and Pewku, are running away.)

Takua in Disbelief: What have I done?

Pewku: You refused Makuta's offer of the Mask in exchange for your safety so he's gonna destroy the whole island and-

Takua: Rhetorical Question!

(Pewku and Takua run back to the Rahkshi and Takua reaches for a Kolhii stick, but he grabs a pie instead.)

Takua to Pewku: ATTACK!!!

(Pewku charges Kurahk and Takua throws the pie at him.)

Kurahk: Mmmmm... Lunch!

(Lerahk appears out of nowhere.)

Lerahk: That's my line!

Kurahk: Sorry bro.

Lerahk: That's okay... Can I try some of that pie?


Lerahk: Sorry sir... Here, take this stress ball, it will let you vent your anger.

Director: SHUT- Hey! It really works!

(Kurahk hisses at Takua.)

Takua: Ew! Pie-breath!

Pewku Sarcastically: Not that we know anyone with pie breath...

Takua: :glare:

Pewku: :ziplip:

(The other two Rahkshi start advancing towards Takua and Pewku. Then Tahu Nuva comes flying through the air and attacks, his mask is really infected now.)

Tahu Nuva: Rahkshi!

Kurahk: Yes?

(Tahu Nuva and Kurahk get ready to attack.)

Turahk: Gasp! Where'd you get that CHN?

Tahu Nuva: What this? Lerahk gave it to me.

Turahk Muttering: And he's my brother too...

(Kurahk blasts Tahu Nuva with anger-waves and Tahu Nuva faints. Takua picks up another pie.)

Takua: Back! Back I say! I've got a loaded pie here and I'm not afraid to use it!

Vorahk: What kind of pie?

Takua: :sly: Cow Pie!

(All of a sudden, a Moderator appears out of thin air.)

Moderator: You are under arrest for using toilet humour!

Takua: Please, anything but that!

Moderator: Fine! I'm taking off 500 posts from your post-count!

Takua: Aw man! Now I have -501...

(The Moderator disappears.)

Director: :) Please continue the scene.

Takua: :blink: ... Stress balls really do work! Let's just see how well... Hey Director!

Director: Yes, my good friend?

Takua: I'm Takanuva!!!

Director: :burnmad: SHUT UP, TAKUA!!!

(He throws the stress ball at Takua.)

Takua: Ow!


Lewa Nuva: Wind-fly!

(Lewa Nuva grabs Takua and Pewku and flys them to safety. He also sends the Rahkshi flying too.)

Turahk: We can fly!

Vorahk: Duh!

(Gali Nuva reaches for Tahu Nuva, whose mask is completely infected.)

Gali Nuva: Brother!

Tahu Nuva: Fire has no brothers!!!

Gali Nuva: But I'm your sister!

Tahu Nuva: Then- you- we- ........ You mean good friends, right? Not biologically...

Gali Nuva: Yeah...

Gali Nuva and Tahu Nuva: :wub:

(Then Tahu Nuva goes crazy again... well in his case, normal.)

Tahu Nuva: Fire consumes all! Especially pie!

(Tahu Nuva blasts Gali Nuva who quickly hides.)

Lewa Nuva to Takua: Quick-speed to Jalller, warn him!

(Lewa Nuva flys away.)

Takua: I will... (To Jaller's direction:) You're going to die!!!

Director: :burnmad: SHUT UP!!!

Takua: :(

(Pewku starts walking away.)

Takua: Where are you going?

Pewku: To the washroom! I can't hold it much longer!

Takua: Uh...

(Inside the washroom:)

Toilet: What did the pie say to the Toa? Nothing! Pie can't talk!

Moderator who is using the washroom: You're under arrest for using toilet humour!

Toilet: NOOOOOO!!!

Pewku: Uh...

(Back outside, Takua hears a toilet flush and Pewku walks out with a piece of toilet paper stuck to her foot.)

Takua: Heh! Heh! Heh!

(Takua jumps on Pewku's back and they start climbing out of Onu-Koro. Then Pewku goes up a vertical wall.)

Pewku: I'm Spiderman!

Takua: :glare:

Pewku: :ziplip:

(Turahk crashes through the wall and tries to attack Takua and Pewku, but he misses.)

Takua in a Taunting Voice: Missed me! Missed me! Now you gotta kiss me!

Turahk: Ew!

(The three Rahkshi are climbing the outside of the tunnel, trying to get Takua and Pewku. Then one of Pohatu Nuva's Climbing Claws his Turahk's hand and traps him to the rock.)

Pohatu Nuva: That's the only thing I do in the whole movie!

(He does it again to Turahk's other hand.)

Pohatu Nuva: Your turn...

Onua Nuva: My pleasure!

(He shoots an energy ball at the ceiling, causing it to collapse on the Rahkshi. Takua and Pewku narrowly escape.)

Pohatu Nuva: Well done! But how did you stop the ceiling from falling on us too?

Onua Nuva: Duct tape! Lots and lots of-

(There is a sound of duct tape ripping.)

Onua Nuva: Uh... Oops?

(Onua Nuva and Pohatu Nuva are crushed by rocks. Meanwhile Gali Nuva is blasting Tahu Nuva with water.)

Gali Nuva in a deep voice: Simba, remember who you are, remember your destiny, you are my son and the one true king!

Tahu Nuva: What?!?!

Gali Nuva: I dunno...

(Kopaka Nuva freezes Tahu Nuva and Takua appears out of nowhere.)

Takua: That's cold!... (He bursts out laughing)

Everyone Else: SHUT UP!!!

Takua: :(

(Takua disappears.)

Kopaka Nuva to Tahu Nuva: Sorry brother...

Director: What do you mean?!?! Oh... It's not Takua...

Gali Nuva: Let's get him to safety.

(As the Toa, excluding Onua Nuva and Pohatu Nuva, leave, Onu-Koro collapses. Meanwhile, Takua and Pewku are climbing out of a heat vent into Ko-Wahi.)

Takua: we have to find Jaller... he might have more pie!

(Takua hops onto Pewku's back and they leave. Somewhere else on Mata Nui, Tahu Nuva is pinned down to a rock by Gali Nuva's Aqua Axes and Pohatu Nuva's Climbing Claws.)

Tahu Nuva: I won't talk! You can't make me! I won't tell you where they're hiding!

Gali Nuva: Shut up, Tahu! We haven't tortured you... yet! MUHA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

Kopaka Nuva: Gali, can you cure him?

Gali Nuva: We must use all of our healing powers. Get his sword, Lewa.

(Lewa Nuva picks up one of Tahu Nuva's Magma Swords, but throws it away because it is too hot.)

Lewa Nuva: Ouch! Hot-burn!

Gali Nuva: Oh, well. He didn't need two...

(Lewa Nuva puts Tahu Nuva's sword on Tahu Nuva and Kopaka Nuva does the same with his own sword.)

Tahu Nuva: Ow! The pain! I'm melting! What a world! What a world!

Gali Nuva: Shut up! We haven't started yet!

(Tahu Nuva is electrocuted by his and Kopaka Nuva's swords, then Gali Nuva makes a ball of water and covers Tahu Nuva with it.)

Tahu Nuva: Help! I'm drowning!

Gali Nuva: :burnmad: Shut up before I make you really drown!!!

Kopaka Nuva: I wonder if anyone sees the irony of Gali's emoticon...

Tahu Nuva to Gali Nuva: Don't you love me?!?!

Director to Gali Nuva: Don't answer that! It's a PG movie!

(The water clears away and Tahu Nuva is back to normal, well as normal as he gets...)

Tahu Nuva: My CHN! You ruined it!

Kopaka Nuva: So much for "thank you"...


Gali Nuva: Kopaka, do you think the Turaga were right (for once), have we lost our unity?

(She looks and sees that Kopaka Nuva is gone.)

Gali Nuva: Don't you walk away when I'm talkin' to you, mister!

(She finds Kopaka Nuva and slaps him.)

Kopaka Nuva: Ow! I was just proving a point!

Gali Nuva: Right...

(Meanwhile, Jaller is climbing a cliff with the Mask of Light in his Hand.)

Jaller: This is taking forever! Mata Nui, where does my destiny lie?

Mata Nui: Off a cliff!

Jaller: That was a rhetorical question... sort of... Hey! Aren't you asleep?

Mata Nui: Right...

(There is an earthquake and Jaller falls the cliff, but he grabs onto the side just in time, unfortunately...)

Takua: Dry!... (He starts laughing again.)

Jaller: What now?!?!

Takua: Rocks, dust, cliff, dry... get it?

Jaller: No! Just help me!

Takua: Fine...

(There is another earthquake and Jaller drops the Mask of Light off the cliff.)

Takua Sarcastically: Good Job!

Jaller: Don't worry! I have an extra, just in case...

(At the bottom of the cliff:)

The Random Ta-Matoran from Before: I'm finally safe from lava and crazy directors and-

(The Mask of Light hits him in the face and he turn into the 8¼th Toa, the Toa of Pie.)

Toa of Pie: That was random!

Makuta: Not as random as this:

(He starts to do the Can-can.)

Everyone Else: :blink:

(On the top of the cliff, Takua pulls Jaller onto Pewku.)

Jaller: What happened to "I quit"?

Takua: I could've, but I didn't.

Jaller Sarcastically: Sure...

Takua: Bad news, the Rahkshi have destroyed Onu-Koro.

Jaller: But the Mask of Light was never there!

Takua: That's what you think... besides, they wanted the herald!

Jaller: Are you sure?

Takua: Really sure!

Jaller: Really?

Takua: Really, really.

Jaller: Isn't that from Shrek?

Takua: Quiet! Do you want the lawyers to hear?

Jaller: Well, we better find the 8¼th and seventh Toa.

Makuta Singing: Can, can, can you do the Can-can?...

Everyone Else: :uhuh:

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Chapter 9- Unity

(Last time, Onu-Koro was destroyed by the Rahkshi, Takua and Jaller were re-united, and Tahu Nuva was cured of his poison. We join the Toa Nuva, excluding Pohatu Nuva and Onua Nuva, who are gathered waiting for Tahu Nuva to regain consciousness.)

Lewa Nuva to Gali Nuva: He is open-eyed.

Gali Nuva: What?

Lewa Nuva: He is open-eyed!

Gali Nuva: What?

Lewa Nuva: Open-eyed!

Gali Nuva: What?

Lewa Nuva: HE'S AWAKE!!!

Gali Nuva: What?

Lewa Nuva: :glare:... Just quick-follow me!

Gali Nuva to Tahu Nuva: Are you well?

Tahu Nuva: No, I am not... but I am alive.

Everyone Else: Aw man!

Tahu Nuva: :glare: ... And I am in your debt, sister...

Director: Stop! Do NOT use the


Tahu Nuva and Gali Nuva: Why not?

Director: Because we would go over the post-limit!

Tahu Nuva and Gali Nuva:



(At Kini Nui)

Jaller: Kini Nui, the great temple.

Takua Muttering: Stupid illiterate people... (Normally:) No way! We followed those stupid little clues on the website, magazine, and on toothbrushes and we're here?!?!

Jaller: Why not? It is a special place.

Takua Sarcastically: So's my kitchen................ Mmmm... food...

(Lerahk appears.)

Lerahk: That's my line!

Takua: No... your line is: "Mmmm... Lunch!"

Lerahk: :blink:... I can't believe I forgot my lines! All they are, are "Lunch" and... and... I FORGOT!!!

Director: :burnmad: It's "HISSSSSSSSSS!!!"

Lerahk: Say it, don't spray it!

(Lerahk disappears and Takua grabs the Mask of Light from Jaller.)

Takua: Are you sure this thing is working right?

Jaller: Nope. The instructions were in Japanese! See?

(He hands Takua the instructions.)

Takua: :uhuh: Sigh!

(He turns the instructions, which are upside down, right side up.)

Jaller: Cool! How'd you translate it so fast?

Takua Muttering: Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Jaller: Don't be so hard on yourself!

Takua: :burnmad:

(He hits Jaller over the head with the mask, which starts to shake and glow.)

Jaller: It's going to explode!!!

Takua: I can't remember if you cut the red wire, or the blue one!

Jaller: Why are you looking at me?! I'm colour blind!

Takua: Really?

Jaller: Really, really.

Takua Muttering: Stupid Shrek movies...

(A beam of light comes out of the mask and breaks a piece of the giant Toa head statue.)

Jaller: You broke it!

Takua: Duh!

Hafu: I can fix it!

Takua: Go back to MNOLG1... and MNOLG2...

Hafu: :(

Jaller: The seventh and 8¼th Toa must be here.

Takua: I knew it!

(He pulls out a letter to the "Search for the Seventh Toa" contest.)

Takua: I'll put Kini Nui as my answer and I'll make my name... Skylar Tice...

Jaller: But the contest has been over for months!

Takua: Thank goodness for time travel...

(Three Rahkshi come out of the hole in the Toa-head statue.)

Jaller and Pewku: Rahkshi!

(Pewku hides in her shell.)

Takua Muttering: Stupid illiterate people...

Jaller: Give me the mask!

Takua Taunting: Gimmie, gimmie never gets-

Jaller: :glare:

Takua: Besides, we both know the mask chose me!

Jaller: :blink: We do?

Takua: Yes... I'm the herald and I say run!

(They both run away.)

Takua: Ha! You're out! Simon didn't say run!

Jaller: :huh:

(All six Rahkshi have Takua and Jaller surrounded.)

Takua: We're trapped!

Jaller: Duh!... At least we aren't helpless!

(He pulls out his knife.)

Guurahk: :lol: Ha! A nail file!

Jaller: :glare:

(Mata Nui's two suns rise and the Toa Nuva attack.)

Takua: We're saved!

(The Toa Nuva summersault through the air towards Takua and Jaller, but they miss and fall in a hole.)

Director: I knew they couldn't do their own stunts!

(The Toa Nuva get out of the hole and defend Takua and Jaller.)

Tahu Nuva: We are done running!

(The earth beneath them starts to shake.)

Gali Nuva: Tahu!

Tahu Nuva: Excuse me!

Everyone Else: Ew!

(Pohatu Nuva, Onua Nuva, and Kopaka Nuva burst out of the ground.)

Gali Nuva: We thought we lost you!

Onua Nuva: You did!

Gali Nuva: Uh...

Pohatu Nuva: Now, as one!

(The Toa Nuva all join hands, except for Pohatu Nuva, who has a strong belief in Cooties. The Rahkshi try to blast them, but it bounces off.)

Tahu Nuva: We will not be broken!

Takua: Why didn't you use your Hau Nuva?

Tahu Nuva: You might have suggested that BEFORE we almost got blown up!!!

Lewa Nuva: Wind-fly sand-twister!

(The "sand-twister" catches Panrahk, Guurahk, and Lerahk.)

Gali Nuva: You can't get me!

(The other Rahkshi try to hit her with their staffs, but they miss and Kurahk "accidentally" hits Turahk.)

Turahk: Ow! I thought we were brothers!

Kurahk: Oops!

Lewa Nuva: Sand!

Tahu Nuva: And fire!

Lewa Nuva: Makes glass.

(The sand-twisted Rahkshi are now captured in a big pillar of glass.)

Gali Nuva: It's so pretty!

Lewa Nuva and Tahu Nuva: Thanks, we made it our selves!

Gali Nuva: Sorry, I'm not into artsy-craftsy things.

Lewa Nuva and Tahu Nuva: :huh:

Panrahk: Uh... It's kinda hard to breathe in here... hello?

Gail Nuva to Vorahk and Kurahk: Back off!

Kurahk: You didn't say the magic word!

Gali Nuva: Fine!... Please!

Vorahk: Actually it's Abra Kadabra...

Kopaka Nuva: Surprise!

(The Rahkshi look at him.)

Pohatu Nuva: Rahkshi.

(The Rahkshi look at him.)

Vorahk: Stop confusing us!!!

Pohatu Nuva: It's not very hard...

(He throws his Climbing Claws at the Rahkshi and hand-cuffs them together.)

Onua Nuva: Leave the heavy-lifting to me!

Kopaka Nuva: What kind of a phrase is that?

Onua Nuva: I dunno... ask the Director, it's his script!

Kopaka Nuva to the Director: What kind of a phrase is that?

Director: Sorry, I just didn't pay my writers very well...

(Tahu Nuva turns the rocks into lava, Onua Nuva drops the lava, Gali Nuva cools it, and Kopaka Nuva freezes it.)

Kurahk and Vorahk: Ow!

(Meanwhile, Turahk is coming up behind Takua and Jaller and starts chasing them, then he blasts Takua with fear-waves.)

Makuta: Takua! Fear me!

Takua: You didn't say the magic word!

Makuta: Abra Kadabra. (Mentally:) This is getting old!.

Takua: Okay. I'll fear you now.

(Jaller runs up to Turahk to save Takua and grabs onto his staff. Turahk pumps him full of fear-waves and then throws him away. Takua recovers from his fear.)

Takua: No! Jaller! Stay away from the light!... at least until you give me some pie...

Jaller: But the light is so pretty...

Takua: I was supposed to make the sacrifice!

Jaller: Really?! I must have misread the script! You little-

Director: :burnmad:

Jaller: I mean... the duty was mine... you know who you are...

Takua: I do?!

Jaller: You were always different...

(He hands Takua the Mask of Light and dies. Takua's eyes fill with tears.)

Jaller: Psych!

Director: :glare:

(Jaller dies... again...)

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Wow, this spoof is hilarious. I should visit back here in the Comedies more often, to see stuff like this.


Did you or will you make one for Legends of Metru Nui? I'd certainly love to see more.

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Chapter 10- The Seventh Toa
(And the 8¼th one too)

(Last time, the Mask of Light lead Takua and Jaller to Kini Nui, where the Toa Nuva finally defeated the Rahkshi, but Turahk just killed Jaller and Takua is crying... must be the soap operas...)

Jaller's Voice Echoing in Takua's head: You know who you are...

Takua: Ah! I'm hearing voices!!!

Sméagol: It'sss okay, preciousss.

Gollum: How would you know? You don't have any friends... nobody likes you...

Sméagol: Stop interrupting usss!!!

Gollum: Sorry... Gollum. Gollum...

Director: Didn't I get rid of you?

Sméagol: Yesss... but we came back-

Gollum: To advertise our new movie!

Director: Are they allowed to do that?

Moderator: Nope.

(He drains all of Gollum/Sméagol's PE, because they share an account.)

Director: Great! You ruined the moment!

Moderator: Sorry...

(Takua puts on the Mask and becomes: bum bum-ba bum)

Takua- I mean Takanuva: I am Takanuva, Toa of Light. :smiletol:

Director: You ruined the movie!!! Oh... wait...

(Takanuva shoots Turahk and carves a Pakari out of the Toa-Head-Statue.)

Hafu: Not bad... but I can do better.

Director: Go away! I know you're in the movie, but you don't have any lines!

Hafu: You don't have to tell everybody just 'cause it's true... :(

(Takanuva picks up Jaller and takes him to the Toa Nuva, but he trips and "accidentally" throws Jaller into a giant pie.)

Director: Well, he was dead...

Makuta: So, it has begun my brother, but soon it will end... 'cause if I'm defeated, then you'll wake up and everybody will be happy and I'll be out of a job!

(In Kini Nui, Jaller's mask is floating in a beam of light.)

Takanuva: All this, just to discover who I am?... WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST TELL ME GREGF?!?!

GregF: Well, you see-

Takanuva: Rhetorical!

Vakama: You have finally found your own story and still you seek answers!

Takanuva: What's that supposed to mean?

Vakama: I dunno, I just thought it sounded kinda cool.

Takanuva: Right... where'd you come from?

Vakama: I was walking for three days.

Takanuva: Why?

Vakama: Because of an injury I got in Metru Nui-

Director: :mad:

Vakama: Not that there is a Metru Nui...

Director: Kolhii head!

Vakama to Takanuva: Mata Nui is wiser than all, especially me. The path you walked was not to be here, but in here.

(He hits Takanuva in the chest with his Firestaff.)

Takanuva: Ow!... What's that mean?

Vakama: Same reason... You understand. Your destiny is clear.

Takanuva: My duty is clear.

Vakama: I said destiny.

Takanuva: Yes but- never mind!

Vakama: DESTINY!

Director Imitating Vakama: SHUT UP!

Vakama: :(

Takanuva: Jaller's sacrifice will not be in vain.

Vakama: And that means...?

Takanuva: Same reason.

Vakama: Touché... I know French!

Director: Il est un imbécile avec un grand sourcil, qui mange le dentifrice!

(TRANSLATION: He an imbecile with a huge eyebrow, who eats toothpaste.)

Random French Person: Mais bien sûr!

(TRANSLATION: But of course!)

(At the entrance of the path to Mangaia, the Toa Nuva are building the Ussanui)

Lewa Nuva: How will this way-find Makuta?

Takanuva: What is Makuta's, will return to him.

(He puts a Shadow Kraata in the Ussanui.)

Toa Nuva: What?

Takanuva: Same reason.

Toa Nuva: :huh:

Hahli: Jaller was your herald-

8¼th Toa of Pie: And mine!

Hahli: :glare: Yes...... Let him continue to lead you to victory.

Takanuva: But I'm the herald now!

Hahli: Just do it, so I can get rid of this mask!

(She puts Jaller's Hau on the Ussanui.)

Takanuva: Well said, Hahli...... even though it was the Director's idea...

Director: You'd better like it or you're fired!!!

Pohatu Nuva: Not much room... where will we all sit?

Takanuva Seriously: In the Kraata-holders.

Toa Nuva: Uh...

Takanuva: Fine! I'll just beat Makuta by myself then!

Pohatu Nuva: But together, we defeated the Rahkshi.

Lewa Nuva, Vakama, and Makuta: Go Yoda-Speak!

Tahu Nuva to Takanuva: Surely you need our help too.

Takanuva: Don't call me Shirley.

Tahu Nuva: :huh:

Kopaka Nuva: Do you want to sit in a Kraata-holder?

Tahu Nuva: No...

Kopaka Nuva: THEN SHUT UP!...... Sorry, the Director is a bad influence.

Director: :burnmad:

Takanuva: Gather the Matoran and the Turaga, except Vakama, and wait for me to return.

(He hops on the Ussanui and flys to Mangaia, but when he gets to the door, he crashes. He hops free of the crash and then 5 minutes later, the air-bags pop out)

Takanuva: I knew that sale was too good to be true...

(Hahli pops of a Kraata-holder.)

Takanuva: I told them they'd fit...

Hahli: It's time someone was your Chronicler.

(She picks up Jaller's mask.)

Takanuva: I can do it myself!

(He reaches for his Chronicler's Staff, but notices it's not there.)

Takanuva: I know what you're thinking so shut up!

Hahli: Wow! I didn't know you're psychic!

Takanuva: And I thought I was the stupid one...

Director: You are!

Takanuva: :(

(Takanuva and Hahli walk into Mangaia. Makuta is standing in the middle of the Bionicle symbol made of protodermis. Takanuva throws the Shadow Kraata on the ground and it runs away.)

Takanuva: NOOOO!!! My Shadow Kraata!!!

Director: :glare:

Takanuva: You can't hide in shadow.

Makuta: Uh... behind you...

Takanuva: Well, maybe you can...

(He turns around.)

Makuta: I am shadow.

Takanuva: But I thought you were Makuta.

Makuta: Well, I am... Shut up and listen!.... The shadow that guards the gate.

Takanuva: What gate?

Makuta: The one to Metru Nui.

Director: I think (He's lying) that that's the first time someone other than Takua or Vakama has ruined the movie!... SHUT UP, MAKUTA!!! :burnmad:

Makuta: Now run along, or accept your Dume!

Director: "Dume" is pronounced DOOM-eh (It's Canadian!, eh?)

(Please note that this was written before LoMN so I wasn't sure about the pronunciation.)

Makuta Muttering: Stupid political correctness.

Takanuva: I am done running, I'm too lazy. Mata Nui will awaken this day, or tomorrow if he's lazy too.

Makuta: I read the script and I stole GregF's story-bible-

GregF: So that's where it went!

Makuta: Mata Nui will be asleep for a looong time... hey! Do you wanna know what happens in the next movie?


Takanuva: Get the Matoran, Toa, and Turaga, except Vakama. Tell him there's a pie behind him, and when his back it turned..... RUN!

Hahli: It's done!

Takanuva: That was fast.

Hahli: :glare:

(She runs off.)

Makuta: You think you're brave, but you really are just Takua. You didn't save your friend. You didn't even warn him.

Jaller's Voice Yelling from far away: You knew all along?!?! When I get back to life, I'll kill you!!!

Makuta: Maybe for your next failure will be in Kolhii or perhaps charades.

Takanuva: 2 words... first word... bad... second word... breath... bad breath!

Makuta: :glare: ... Lose, and I'll take your mask. Win, and I'll still take your mask. A win win situation for me!... Or you could open the door, what ever works for you.

Takanuva: I will not lose!

Director: You wrecked the movie!... I think... (Another lie!)

Kolhii Announcer: Mangaia welcomes two teams! From the blazing heat of Ta-Koro, Toa of Light: Takanuva! From the shadows of Mangaia, the SPIRIT of Destruction himself: Makuta!

Jaller: Try your new move!

Director: :glare: ... Well, at least he knows his lines...

(They start playing and Takanuva is losing. In Kini Nui, however:)

Hahli: Takanuva wants you to follow. We will awaken Mata Nui today! Or tomorrow depending on traffic...

Bionicle Fans: Then Bionicle will end! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Everyone starts muttering.)

Vakama: A light among the shadows, the prophecy is fulfilled.

Everyone Else: What that mean?

Vakama: Same reason.

Everyone Else: Stop saying that!!!

Onewa: If we go down there we may never return.

Vakama: Well, that's 'cause were going to Metru Nui, Kolhii head!

Director: I'd fire you for wrecking the movie, but I need your past self for the next one.... AH! I ruined the movie!!!

(In Mangaia, Takanuva is still losing. But Hahli prepares to speak in Kini Nui.)

Hahli: Friends!

(No one looks at her.)

Kopaka Nuva: Most people just missed the irony there...

Hahli: This is a great island and-

Tahu Nuva: Blah! Blah! Blah! Mata Nui isn't going to save himself now... but it would be cool if he did... or not... just give us the gist of your speech!

Hahli: Jaller was good and we should be too... I can't believe you cut out my speech!

Tahu Nuva: Well, I couldn't wait for lunch. I'm hungry!

(He looks at Gali Nuva.)

Tahu Nuva: :drool:

Gali Nuva: Why are you looking at me like that?

Tahu Nuva: I'm thirsty, I swear!

Gali Nuva Sarcastically: Sure! You are so dead!

Hahli: Let us awaken the Great Spirit!

Crowd: Yay! (Chanting:) We want pie! We want pie! We want pie!

Hahli: I think you missed my point...

Vakama: Yes we did.

Edited by SPIRIT
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Chapter 11- Light and Shadow

(Last time, Takua turned into Takanuva and he challenged Makuta to a Kolhii match for the fate of the island.)

Makuta: My brother shall not be awakened!

Mata Nui: Can you keep it down?! I'm trying to sleep!

Everyone Else: :blink:

(Takanuva and Makuta continue their game and Takanuva is still losing. They hear some noise and the Turaga and Toa Nuva arrive.)

Makuta: An audience gathers for your final failure.

Vakama: Audience? What happened to the free pie?

(Takanuva whistles innocently.)

Vakama: :(

Takanuva: Maybe I won't win today... but I'm pretty sure about next Tuesday-

Director: There's only a few minutes left!!!

Takanuva: Oh... eventually the Matoran will triumph... but it doesn't work without me 'cause I'm the Toa of Light-

Director: :glare:

Makuta: You actually believe I would let them return?

Takanuva: Well... yeah...

Makuta: :rolleyes: Some people will believe anything!

Takanuva: Really?

Makuta: Sigh!

(He blows up the door and blocks the exit.)

Makuta: They will not leave!

Vakama: Look what I found! (Reading with great difficulty:) Fire... Exit.

Makuta: Look again!

Vakama Reading: Only for use in emergency. (Normally:) We're doomed! There'll never be an emergency here!


(He jumps through the air and Makuta throws a ball of protodermis at him. Takanuva does his special move and sends Makuta flying.)

Makuta: Well played Toa.

Takanuva: Thank you.

Makuta: You're welcome... now I will protect Mata Nui from you!

Takanuva: We'll just see about that- Wait a sec! I'm the good guy!

Makuta: Sorry for the confusion. I was just messing with your mind.

Takanuva: I see... please continue.


Takanuva: There's a great opportunity for a sarcastic remark here... too bad I'm not smart enough to make one...

Makuta: Sleep spares him pain. Awake he suffers-

Gali Nuva: From looking at your face!

Takanuva: Dark!

Everyone Else: :huh:

Takanuva: Sorry guys, nothing else worked.

Director: Can we JUST finish the movie?!... by the way, it's a rhetorical question.

GregF: Aw man!

(DISCALIMER: The real GregF does not answer rhetorical questions, as far as I know, the character here is actually his clone... I think... or is it the clone who writes the comics?...)

Takanuva: You are not protecting him!

Makuta: My duty is to the mask of shadows.

Takanuva: What's that mean?

Makuta: I dunno. I thought it sounded kinda cool.

Vakama: Next time, just say "same reason".

Makuta: Well... it was getting old-

Gali Nuva: Not as old as your face!

(No one laughs.)

Takanuva: Now that was dark!

Director: :glare:

Takanuva: Let's take a closer look behind that mask!

(He tries to pull of Makuta's mask, but it doesn't work.)

Makuta: Need some help? It's one of those new masks. Try pulling from the back.

Takanuva: Thank you.

Makuta: You're welcome.

Takanuva: Thank you for welcoming me.

Makuta: You're welcome for the thank you of my welcome.

Director: :wacko:

(Takanuva takes off Makuta's mask and Gali Nuva screams.)

Gali Nuva: AH!

Tahu Nuva: :glare:

Gali Nuva: His face is hideous!

(Makuta and Takanuva fall into a pool of protodermis and emerge as Takutanuva.)

Vakama: Light and shadow have become one... is that possible because I see my self as and expert on the-

Director: SHUT UP!!!

Takutanuva: Light has revealed the will of Mata Nui. Our brother must be awakened.

Jaller: Duh!

Director: If only his death were real...

(Takutanuva lifts the giant Hau door and the Toa and Turaga go through.)

Takutanuva to Hahli: Hold little one. That mask needs life.


(Takutanuva brings Jaller back to life.)

Hahli: Jaller!

(Hahli and Jaller hug.)

Takutanuva: Look. If you aren't gonna say it then MOVE!

Hahli and Jaller: IT!

Takutanuva: Should've seen that coming.

(Hahli and Jaller run away.)

Takutanuva: My duty is done.

(The door squishes him.)

Jaller: Get out of there!


(The Director starts dancing with the 8¼ Toa of Pie, who is very confused.)

Edited by SPIRIT
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Chapter 12- The way of Bionicle

(Last time, Takanuva beat Makuta and they became Takutanuva. Then he was squashed by a giant door. Now the Mask of Light is skidding across the floor.)

Toa of Pie: Thanks! I was wondering where that went!

(He takes it and goes.)

Director: :blink: Uh... where's the props guy?

(Vakama gives the Director props.)

Director: :glare:

Vakama: Let's just use this rock instead.

(He puts the rock, Hahli, and Jaller into their places in the Bionicle symbol and Takanuva comes back to life.)

Director: And I was having a good day too...

Jaller: You're alive! You could've been Makuta bones!

Takanuva: Could have been... and I am.

Jaller: :huh:

Vakama: United, we embraced our teddy bears... I mean duty! Light lost itself, and illuminated our destiny. What I knew at that moment, more than ever before, was that some day... I would get pie... I mean- actually never mind, I did know I'd eventually get pie.

Director: :burnmad: Stick to the script!!!

Vakama: As Takanuva ate all the pie of the city of the Great SPIRIT the new dawn stirred visions in the Director's coffee- of our past!

Director: Keep it up and I'll turn you into coffee!

Vakama: How?

Director: :glare:

Vakama: Visions of a time when we thought new legends could not be made... It was the time of the Great Pies!

Takanuva: PIE?! Where?!?!

Vakama: A time when six mighty friendships were sent for a lifetime's journey... to Florida! And even though the shadows crawled with babies- who were deceivers, we knew not the face of darkness, and it was probably very ugly, because then as... then as we stood on each other's toes as the Toa of Metru Nui.

Director: What was that all about?!?! It made no sense at all and it wrecked the whole storyline!!!

Vakama: Maybe in a few months, this will be aired on Cartoon Network and you'll add this at the end.

Director Sarcastically: Sure!... When cows give milk!

Vakama: Actually-

Director: SHUT UP!.. I mean, say your line then shut up.

Vakama: New legends fall asleep, but old lessons must be forgotten. This is the way of the comedy.

Director: SHUT UP!!!

Edited by SPIRIT
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This was a great spoof of the MoL movie. I don't think there was one chapter that I didn't like. My favorite parts overall were the interactions between Vakama and the Director. Actually, it was always funny when the Director talked to anyone. :P


Thanks for reposting this!

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Everyone is one choice away from being the bad guy in another person's story.



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