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Biological Chronicle: The Complete Bionicle Collection

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#41 Offline TuragaNuva

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Posted Oct 17 2017 - 12:21 PM

I looked at the Kaita/Manas changes, and that's not what I meant. I meant that within the paragraphs, there are sentences from both the MNOG walkthrough and the book. So, in these paragraphs, there are both sentences in past tense, present tense, first person and third person at the same time, which makes it incoherent. So maybe either edit those paragraphs to only include one style, or divide between the MNOG walkthrough and the book more, so that no paragraph has all those writing styles mixed in.

 

The 2009 reordering plan looks good. I do agree with not putting Secret of Certavus first. The Glatorian comic 1 is a much better introduction to the Bara Magna story, since that's essentially what it was meant to do in the first place.

 

Oh, and since you've been discussing Makuta's Guide to the Universe, what about just using the entries from Makuta's Diary? Either together with Reign of Shadows or at the end of the 2008 story?

Ah, okay. Apologies for the misunderstanding. My thought was that the third-person narration of the lines from the book could be read as Takua narrating in first-person, but looking back through it, I see the changes in tense that make it not work (not sure why I didn't see that earlier). I'm tempted to just change all of the tenses to match, but I see there are a lot of references to things that aren't visible (thoughts, feelings), so I'm not sure that works with Takua describing the scene as he sees it. I'll have to do some re-working for sure.

 

I haven't re-read the Makuta diary entries in while (nor most of the Mata Nui ones). My memory of them was that they mostly just rehash events from the books, but I'll go back through them and see.


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#42 Offline Toatapio Nuva

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Posted Oct 17 2017 - 01:00 PM

My advice would be to steer away from Takua's point of view and tell whatever you can through third person narration. I mean, there are already the scenes where Takua gets a new vision, but then you could just cut to the scene he's seeing and tell it in third person. The reader will get the idea that Takua is seeing it, but we then get to read it as a regular part of the story.

 

Also, it might make things easier to just stick to either the portrayal of the book or the walkthrough, but not both. Or maybe just add the Toa Kaita's lines from before and after the battle? Those are simple lines of speech, so they would probably fit pretty well at the beginning and end of the battle, as long as the tense in them is changed to fit the narrative of the books.

 

Makuta's Diary does go through the past events without adding anything per se, but the events are told differently from Teridax's perspective and they do offer some insight on the exact steps of his plan, which none of the books really do. I feel that they thus have some added value.


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#43 Offline Planetperson

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Posted Oct 17 2017 - 02:38 PM

Makuta's Diary does go through the past events without adding anything per se, but the events are told differently from Teridax's perspective and they do offer some insight on the exact steps of his plan, which none of the books really do. I feel that they thus have some added value.

 

I agree, from what I remember, they have a lot of introspection which is not written anywhere else. The Makuta diary entries would be a good addition.

 

@Toatapio Nuva, would you be willing to release the text of the books you typed up in a word doc somewhere?


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#44 Offline Toatapio Nuva

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Posted Oct 18 2017 - 10:17 AM

 

@Toatapio Nuva, would you be willing to release the text of the books you typed up in a word doc somewhere?

 

Here you go.

 

I haven't uploaded all of them yet, but will do when I can. For now, the Chronicles and Adventures series are all there.

 

EDIT: All the books have now been uploaded!


Edited by Toatapio Nuva, Oct 19 2017 - 09:38 AM.

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#45 Offline TuragaNuva

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Posted Oct 18 2017 - 10:34 AM

Minor update: the page numbers of Journey of Takanuva have been edited to reflect the actual page numbers they are on in the compilation. I will be doing this with the other Young Reader books at a later time, once the order of '09 is more finalized (so I'm sure what the page numbers will be).

 

 

My advice would be to steer away from Takua's point of view and tell whatever you can through third person narration. I mean, there are already the scenes where Takua gets a new vision, but then you could just cut to the scene he's seeing and tell it in third person. The reader will get the idea that Takua is seeing it, but we then get to read it as a regular part of the story.

 

Also, it might make things easier to just stick to either the portrayal of the book or the walkthrough, but not both. Or maybe just add the Toa Kaita's lines from before and after the battle? Those are simple lines of speech, so they would probably fit pretty well at the beginning and end of the battle, as long as the tense in them is changed to fit the narrative of the books.

 

Makuta's Diary does go through the past events without adding anything per se, but the events are told differently from Teridax's perspective and they do offer some insight on the exact steps of his plan, which none of the books really do. I feel that they thus have some added value.

Hmm, makes sense. I was unsure how clear it would be that Takua's seeing a vision of what's happening if I just cut to it as if it's a different scene, but you're probably right. I think my only concern is including Gali's line to Takua ("FIND US"). I really like it, but it seems like it wouldn't work well if the scene isn't being shown from Takua's perspective.

 

I meant to look at Makuta's diary entries yesterday, but didn't find the time. I'll try to at least take some pictures of them today, so I can read them (and possibly type them up) when I'm not at home with the book.


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#46 Offline Planetperson

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Posted Oct 18 2017 - 01:40 PM

Here you go.

 

I haven't uploaded all of them yet, but will do when I can. For now, the Chronicles and Adventures series are all there.

 

Woah, that was fast! Thank you for all the hard work you put into this. :)

 

Edit: Thank you for replacing "mercury" with "protodermis" in MoL.


Edited by Planetperson, Oct 20 2017 - 03:45 PM.

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#47 Offline Toatapio Nuva

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Posted Oct 22 2017 - 01:33 AM

So, I finished going through the second book in the collection, and I found these minor errors:

 

Page 129: "The Fire Toa had touched his mask" - remove the "had".

Page 129: "The masks' awesome powers had just helped the Toa defeat [the] fearsome Rahi" - add the "the" where indicated.

Page 134: Full stop missing at the end of the sentence "Tahu cried, leaping forward and dragging Lewa out of harm's way"

Page 136: The sentence "recovering from their remarkable victory over Makuta" has been split into two paragraphs for some reason.

Page 137: "The village [was] in danger" - add the "was"

Page 142: "plumes of acrid smoke traces ugly patterns in the air" - should be "traced"

Page 147: "in the hope of of answering these vital questions?" should end in a full stop, not a question mark.

Page 147: "Perhaps the most tragic example of this was in Le-Koro, not so long ago" should end in a full stop, not a question mark.

Page 153: This is a bit different since it's in a comic, but for some reason the text doesn't mention "Krana Za", but simply "Krana". Not sure if you can change that though, since it's an image. Also, a few pages later, the comic page where Gali jumps into the water is missing.

Page 182: "all that [does] not belong will be removed" - add "does"

Separate note: I noticed that the book does not include the "you dared oppose your brothers" quote from the Bahrag, although it's quoted much later in Swamp of Secrets as part of the revelation that the Bohrok were once Matoran. The line was only in the comics. Perhaps you should incorporate that quote from the comics into the text of the book? It would require adding these quotes: "You dared challenge the Bohrok swarms? You have no hope! The mission will proceed!" and "You dared oppose your brothers! Therefore you must fall! Mata Nui will be cleansed!" in the spot after the Toa decide to shed the Exo-Toa but right before Tahu shouts "Toa! Surround them! We must combine our powers!"

Page 197: The line "What happened to Cahdok and Gahdok? And how are we going to get out of here?" is not needed, since it's in the following comic too.

Page 221: "Tahu leaped toward Gali, Pohatu, [and] Kopaka." - add "and".

Page 223: "This is no time to worry, about our pride" - remove the comma.

Page 245: "Gali held her breath as a ripple of [energy] radiated out from Tahu's mask" - add "energy".

Page 246: "Onua said, hurling the chunk of stone" - It's the same way in the book originally, but I guess it should really be "hurling a chunk of stone", since no stone is mentioned before this moment.

Page 248: In the middle of the page, Pahrak-Kal is written Pahrak_Kal.

 

Once again, a positive remark: I hadn't noticed before that you incorporated the mini comics from the Bohrok sets and McDonald's. They actually fit in really nicely! Also, kudos for editing "Theft of Fire" to menion sonics instead of electricity, since it's now more consistent with the rest of the story.

 

By the way, I spotted this piece of text from the Bionicle style guide synopsis, which I think would fit perfectly after the part where the Toa retrieve Tahu's Miru from underwater, as its own separate section:

Spoiler


Edited by Toatapio Nuva, Oct 22 2017 - 01:35 AM.

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#48 Offline TuragaNuva

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Posted Oct 22 2017 - 03:49 PM

So, I finished going through the second book in the collection, and I found these minor errors:

 

Page 129: "The Fire Toa had touched his mask" - remove the "had".

Page 129: "The masks' awesome powers had just helped the Toa defeat [the] fearsome Rahi" - add the "the" where indicated.

Page 134: Full stop missing at the end of the sentence "Tahu cried, leaping forward and dragging Lewa out of harm's way"

Page 136: The sentence "recovering from their remarkable victory over Makuta" has been split into two paragraphs for some reason.

Page 137: "The village [was] in danger" - add the "was"

Page 142: "plumes of acrid smoke traces ugly patterns in the air" - should be "traced"

Page 147: "in the hope of of answering these vital questions?" should end in a full stop, not a question mark.

Page 147: "Perhaps the most tragic example of this was in Le-Koro, not so long ago" should end in a full stop, not a question mark.

Page 153: This is a bit different since it's in a comic, but for some reason the text doesn't mention "Krana Za", but simply "Krana". Not sure if you can change that though, since it's an image. Also, a few pages later, the comic page where Gali jumps into the water is missing.

Page 182: "all that [does] not belong will be removed" - add "does"

Separate note: I noticed that the book does not include the "you dared oppose your brothers" quote from the Bahrag, although it's quoted much later in Swamp of Secrets as part of the revelation that the Bohrok were once Matoran. The line was only in the comics. Perhaps you should incorporate that quote from the comics into the text of the book? It would require adding these quotes: "You dared challenge the Bohrok swarms? You have no hope! The mission will proceed!" and "You dared oppose your brothers! Therefore you must fall! Mata Nui will be cleansed!" in the spot after the Toa decide to shed the Exo-Toa but right before Tahu shouts "Toa! Surround them! We must combine our powers!"

Page 197: The line "What happened to Cahdok and Gahdok? And how are we going to get out of here?" is not needed, since it's in the following comic too.

Page 221: "Tahu leaped toward Gali, Pohatu, [and] Kopaka." - add "and".

Page 223: "This is no time to worry, about our pride" - remove the comma.

Page 245: "Gali held her breath as a ripple of [energy] radiated out from Tahu's mask" - add "energy".

Page 246: "Onua said, hurling the chunk of stone" - It's the same way in the book originally, but I guess it should really be "hurling a chunk of stone", since no stone is mentioned before this moment.

Page 248: In the middle of the page, Pahrak-Kal is written Pahrak_Kal.

 

Once again, a positive remark: I hadn't noticed before that you incorporated the mini comics from the Bohrok sets and McDonald's. They actually fit in really nicely! Also, kudos for editing "Theft of Fire" to menion sonics instead of electricity, since it's now more consistent with the rest of the story.

 

By the way, I spotted this piece of text from the Bionicle style guide synopsis, which I think would fit perfectly after the part where the Toa retrieve Tahu's Miru from underwater, as its own separate section:

Spoiler

Thanks for reading through all that! Everything you mentioned should now be fixed across all versions, with one exception: I left the question mark at the end of Vakama's statement, as it doesn't seem necessarily incorrect. By the way: I didn't realize until you brought it up that the Papercutz graphic novel #1 leaves out that page with Gali diving into the water (it printed an extra cover of the next issue in its place). I keep finding out more and more just how terrible those Papercutz collections were. Oh, also: if you could let me know your thoughts on where I inserted those Bahrag lines ("You dared oppose your brothers"), that would be great.

 

Thanks for your compliments on the promo comics! I did my best to make them flow well.

 

I assume the passage you quoted from the Style Guide is part of the '01 story? It sounds like it is, but everything else you mentioned was from Book 2, so it threw me off for a sec. I'll take a look at including it.

 

 

So, current to-do list:

  • Rework the Kaita/Manas fight to make it more readable
  • Look into including the Style Guide passage that Toatapio Nuva quoted
  • Re-watch the Bohrok animations, and possibly include screenshots from them
  • Re-read the Makuta (and Mata Nui) diary entries and look into including them
  • Read through, and look into including, the story bits from Bionicle.com that Planetperson linked to
  • Finalize, and actually perform, reordering of Book 9
  • Fix the page numbers in the rest of the Level 3 Reader books

 

Sorry I haven't been getting updates out as quickly this past week. Things have been really busy, and work's been wearing me down more than usual. I'll try to get most of this list done in the coming week. Thanks again to everyone who's provided feedback!


Edited by TuragaNuva, Oct 22 2017 - 03:50 PM.

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#49 Offline Toatapio Nuva

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Posted Oct 23 2017 - 01:39 AM

 

Oh, also: if you could let me know your thoughts on where I inserted those Bahrag lines ("You dared oppose your brothers"), that would be great.

 

The way you did it looks good, I don't think any other placement would be better.

 

 

I assume the passage you quoted from the Style Guide is part of the '01 story? It sounds like it is, but everything else you mentioned was from Book 2, so it threw me off for a sec.

 

Oh yeah, sorry about that. Yes, it's from the 2001 story. Speaking of the Style Guide, there's also a part at the beginning of it with Vakama explaining to Tahu his mission. It might be interesting to include, though I have no idea where it would fit without standing out akwardly.

 

 

Re-watch the Bohrok animations, and possibly include screenshots from them

 

The news segments kinda cover these to some extent, but the idea is very nice nonetheless.

 

EDIT: Here's the part with the first meeting of Vakama and Tahu. I might type up the other interesting parts of the Style Guide later. This one is pretty neat though, cause it references Takua on the beach too.

Spoiler


Edited by Toatapio Nuva, Oct 23 2017 - 01:48 PM.

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#50 Offline TuragaNuva

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Posted Oct 23 2017 - 03:48 PM

Okay, I now have the Makuta and Mata Nui diary entries typed up, and have a new proposed order for Book 9.
 
Old order:

Spoiler


New order:
Spoiler


This includes my previously-proposed '09 changes, as well as:

  • Secret of Certavus would be directly after The Exile's Tale, and Empire of the Skrall (with The Exile's Tale still immediately after it) would be immediately after The Crossing: I think The Crossing serves as the best introduction to Bara Magna for the Text-Only version, so it makes sense for it to be the first thing after Comic 1
  • Makuta's Diary would be right before Chapter 1 of The Legend Reborn
  • Challenge of Mata Nui would be on the way to Tajun, not Tesara (this change is definitely happening: Mata Nui's Diary confirms that it should be here)
  • Mata Nui's Diary entries would be, generally, placed immediately after the events each entry describes (though Entries 1-3 would need to be grouped together at the end of TLR Chapter 1, since there aren't good places to squeeze in 1 and 2 in the middle of the chapter)
  • The Attack on Tajun summary from Bionicle.com would be right after Mata Nui and friends find Gresh, and find out that the Skrall and Bone Hunters are allied

I'm feeling pretty good about this, but would still love feedback before I actually go through and re-order everything. The only thing I'm not entirely sure about is Makuta's Diary being entirely in one place (rather than split up throughout): I think it reads better this way, but I'm open to splitting it up. Feedback on the placement of anything else is welcome as well.


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#51 Offline Planetperson

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Posted Oct 23 2017 - 06:27 PM

Nice! Quick comments:

  • Moving Secret of Certavus later is probably for the best
  • Hard to say without seeing it first, but the Crossing sounds like an excellent thing to start things off with
  • Is there a way you could put some Skrall chapters in the middle of Crossing, for variety's sake? I don't remember if the chronology works or not. I like it when you switch between different sources in the other books; it reads more like a novel then.
  • I think not putting Skrall Ch. 1 directly after Comic 1 is a missed opportunity
  • I think it's better to spread out Makuta's Diary if possible, assuming the chronology allows it. I would recommend pairing them up with the chapters of Reign and Takanuva's Blog that are scattered elsewhere; I think that would make good use of those thematic shifts.
  • Can't believe I didn't think of this before -- do you want to include stuff from the Mata Nui Saga slideshow too? I don't think many other sources talk about his mission through space very much. For example, the parts that talk about his mission might work well after All Our Sins Remembered.

Also, did you want to keep the current titles for the books? They seem a bit generic to me. But, that's just my personal opinion, of course. It also seems strange that "Hordika" is the only non-English word used as a title. If it were up to me, I'd pick more specific (if unimaginative) names:

  1. Quest for the Masks
  2. The Bohrok Swarms
  3. Mask of Light
  4. City of Legends
  5. Web of Shadows
  6. Island of Doom
  7. Prisoners of the Pit
  8. Ignition
  9. Journey's End
  10. Epilogue

Actually, it might be a fun exercise to compile the taglines for the various story years and see if they can be shown tastefully somewhere. You know, like "If you wake one, you wake them all," "surrender or run," and so on. Not "the gang is on the loose" though. Please not that.

 

...thoughts on including the Piraka rap lyrics as a chapter in Book 6? :P


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#52 Offline TuragaNuva

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Posted Oct 23 2017 - 07:20 PM

Nice! Quick comments:

  • Moving Secret of Certavus later is probably for the best
  • Hard to say without seeing it first, but the Crossing sounds like an excellent thing to start things off with
  • Is there a way you could put some Skrall chapters in the middle of Crossing, for variety's sake? I don't remember if the chronology works or not. I like it when you switch between different sources in the other books; it reads more like a novel then.
  • I think not putting Skrall Ch. 1 directly after Comic 1 is a missed opportunity
  • I think it's better to spread out Makuta's Diary if possible, assuming the chronology allows it. I would recommend pairing them up with the chapters of Reign and Takanuva's Blog that are scattered elsewhere; I think that would make good use of those thematic shifts.
  • Can't believe I didn't think of this before -- do you want to include stuff from the Mata Nui Saga slideshow too? I don't think many other sources talk about his mission through space very much. For example, the parts that talk about his mission might work well after All Our Sins Remembered.
Also, did you want to keep the current titles for the books? They seem a bit generic to me. But, that's just my personal opinion, of course. It also seems strange that "Hordika" is the only non-English word used as a title. If it were up to me, I'd pick more specific (if unimaginative) names:
  • Quest for the Masks
  • The Bohrok Swarms
  • Mask of Light
  • City of Legends
  • Web of Shadows
  • Island of Doom
  • Prisoners of the Pit
  • Ignition
  • Journey's End
  • Epilogue
Actually, it might be a fun exercise to compile the taglines for the various story years and see if they can be shown tastefully somewhere. You know, like "If you wake one, you wake them all," "surrender or run," and so on. Not "the gang is on the loose" though. Please not that.
 
...thoughts on including the Piraka rap lyrics as a chapter in Book 6? :P
Thanks for the feedback! Some quick responses:
  • Yeah, I definitely think so
  • Thanks. I think it does a really good job introducing Bara Magna
  • I also prefer switching between different stories, but I don't think that would really work: the Skrall and Malum are central enough to The Crossing and the first 3 chapters of EotS that it would probably create issues
  • I agree, but I think this order's benefits outweigh that (though I'm open to having my mind changed). Do you think Comic 1 shouldn't be at the beginning?
  • I was planning to do that at first, but after re-reading Makuta's Diary, I feel like it reads better all at once. Looking at the order, it would also be a bit difficult to split up effectively, since it all needs to come before Reign of Shadows part 4.
  • Good call on the Mata Nui Saga; I'm not sure how I forgot it either. I'll definitely include the text from the parts describing the past, and possibly the art from them as well if I can make it look good in this format. The stuff in the present is all in Journey's End, so I'll probably leave those parts out.
  • I am open to changing the names, though I'd really like to hear other people's thoughts as well before making any changes. For the record, I think I prefer the simple names (and I don't particularly care for using exact titles from chapterbooks)
  • That's definitely an interesting idea regarding the taglines, though I don't know how well it would work without one for every year, and as you said, not all of them are exactly usable :P
  • Only if Insane Bionicle Brain gets a chapter in Book 3 :P

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#53 Offline Planetperson

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Posted Oct 23 2017 - 08:01 PM

  1. I also prefer switching between different stories, but I don't think that would really work: the Skrall and Malum are central enough to The Crossing and the first 3 chapters of EotS that it would probably create issues
  2. I agree, but I think this order's benefits outweigh that (though I'm open to having my mind changed). Do you think Comic 1 shouldn't be at the beginning?
  3. I was planning to do that at first, but after re-reading Makuta's Diary, I feel like it reads better all at once. Looking at the order, it would also be a bit difficult to split up effectively, since it all needs to come before Reign of Shadows part 4.
  4. I am open to changing the names, though I'd really like to hear other people's thoughts as well before making any changes. For the record, I think I prefer the simple names (and I don't particularly care for using exact titles from chapterbooks)

 

  1. Ok, I haven't re-read them in a while, so I'll take your word for it
  2. Comic 1 is good at the beginning
  3. Ok
  4. Fair enough. My personal preference is not to make up new names but to use what exists to the best effect possible.

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#54 Offline Toatapio Nuva

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Posted Oct 24 2017 - 01:04 AM

 

Makuta's Diary would be right before Chapter 1 of The Legend Reborn

 

This could be just my opinion, but wouldn't Makuta's Diary be better as an epilogue to the 2008 story?

 

 

  1. Quest for the Masks
  2. The Bohrok Swarms
  3. Mask of Light
  4. City of Legends
  5. Web of Shadows
  6. Island of Doom
  7. Prisoners of the Pit
  8. Ignition
  9. Journey's End
  10. Epilogue

 

I actually like these title suggestions, aside from "Ignition". I didn't mention this before, but Ignition actually refers to the resurrection of Mata Nui in the 2007 story, not the 2008 one. "Mata Nui Rising" or "The Final Battle" would be more fitting titles for the 2008 story, in my opinion.

 

Also, I actually liked the title "Masks" for the 2003 story, for the sole reason that in combines the search for the Kanohi Nuva with the Mask of Light story, so it makes sense.


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#55 Offline TuragaNuva

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Posted Oct 24 2017 - 09:56 AM

Okay, first of all, update time! Book 1 has been updated in several ways:
  • The Kaita/Manas fight has been edited to be more readable
  • The Style Guide segment where the Toa discuss attacking a Nui-Jaga nest has been added on page 108 (right after the group obtains Tahu's Miru). It fits well with the montage of different scenes of the Toa recovering the masks, and failing to work together as a team.
  • The Style Guide segment where Tahu arrives in Ta-Koro and meets Vakama (starting from "The white-sand beach") has been added at the end of Chapter 1.
Unfortunately, these changes have increased the "Complete" collection by a few pages, making the edited page numbers in Journey of Takanuva incorrect. I will fix these soon, but want to wait until I'm more certain that they'll be staying where they are (there are still a few changes I'm considering that would come before those pages, and might affect the page numbers).
 
 

This could be just my opinion, but wouldn't Makuta's Diary be better as an epilogue to the 2008 story?

I was initially thinking it wouldn't work well, but looking back at it... it would probably fit right after the final chapter of Dwellers In Darkness. I think I'll probably go with that. One question, though: if I do put it there, should Book 8 just have an enormous epilogue (its epilogue already contains the epilogue from The Final Battle and the last chapter of Dwellers in Darkness), or should I change the current epilogue (other than its final paragraph) into a chapter, and make Makuta's Diary + the current final paragraph into the new epilogue? (alternatively, I could give it 2 epilogues, but that's a bit unorthodox).

 

I actually like these title suggestions, aside from "Ignition". I didn't mention this before, but Ignition actually refers to the resurrection of Mata Nui in the 2007 story, not the 2008 one. "Mata Nui Rising" or "The Final Battle" would be more fitting titles for the 2008 story, in my opinion.
 
Also, I actually liked the title "Masks" for the 2003 story, for the sole reason that in combines the search for the Kanohi Nuva with the Mask of Light story, so it makes sense.

You are absolutely correct about Ignition, and I feel very dumb now. If you also like PlanetPerson's suggestions, then I'm down to change the current names. I will say, though, that while I also really like the title "Masks," I don't think it works as well if Book 1 is called "Quest for the Masks." It sounds repetitive. 
 
 
With this naming style, I'm leaning toward:
  • Quest for the Masks
  • Makuta's Revenge or What Lurks Below or Secret of the Swarms
  • The Seventh Toa
  • City of Legends
  • Web of Shadows
  • Island of Doom
  • Downfall or Ignition
  • Destiny War or The Final Battle
  • Journey's End
  • Epilogue
What are people's thoughts?

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#56 Offline Toatapio Nuva

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Posted Oct 24 2017 - 11:19 AM

I read through the new version of chapter 1. It flows nicely, but kind of contradicts the canon, cause it doesn't mention Jala's trap. It does come across as more of a summary of events though, so it might be excusable. I don't really know how to do it better, except with maybe a paragraph skip from the beach to Ta-Koro.

 

Also, I think Makuta's Diary would make a great epilogue, in which case it would make sense for the previous chapter to be called a chapter. Do you already have typed up versions of the Diary chapters, or would you like help with it?

 

As for the titles, I like "Secret of the Swarms" and "The Final Battle". I wouldn't use "The Seventh Toa" as a title though, since it begins with the Kanohi Nuva collecting and kinda spoils the plot of the latter part of that chapter. Then again, I suppose "Mask of Light" would do the same... not sure.

 

By the way, since I was going through the Style Guide anyway, I decided to convert to text all the parts that might interest you:

 

This could work as part of the Kanohi searching montage in the 2001 story.

Spoiler

 

I feel kinda bad presenting this here now that you already revamped the Toa Kaita/Manas battle. This part mostly overlaps with that fight, so there might not actually be anything worthwhile to add, but I figured I'd put it here anyway.

Spoiler

 

This is sort of an alternate version of Vakama's explanation of the Bohrok. Not necessary to add by any means, but it does have a few extra lines of dialogue that might be interesting.

Spoiler

 

This is a battle between all the Toa and some Bohrok. It takes place after Lewa was saved from the Krana, so fitting it into the overall narrative might be a bit difficult. I'm thinking that it could be placed after the Toa meet, but before they present their Krana and conclude that they have enough.

Spoiler

 

Now this one fits in the story perfectly, possibly right after Lewa loses his powers. It's just a short segment of Gali losing her powers, but it's not depicted anywhere else.

Spoiler


Edited by Toatapio Nuva, Oct 24 2017 - 11:23 AM.

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#57 Offline Alligaytorrr

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Posted Oct 24 2017 - 11:43 AM

So I considered joining the forum before but honestly I finally did it largely just to say thank you for all your work. I'd never gotten through the entire series because of how jumbled it gets in the later years with being spread across so much different media, and I was just about to try and make sense of the order of things myself when I found this so, thanks for saving me the trouble! I can't imagine how much time and effort you must have put into this, but it's really helped make the series accessible and I'm loving reading it again in an even more complete form.

 

I'll also throw in my thoughts on the titles, they were actually one of my favorite things when I first saw this. I think they sound really nice, they're perfectly succinct, and I personally feel like it's more fitting to use one word that covers and summarizes the entire year than to use an official title and apply it to all the other stories from that year. So I'd vote for the one-word titles, although I do agree that Hordika is out of place; something like Venom could be an easy fix, and if Ignition is being used for 07, perhaps Rising for 08?


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#58 Offline Tyrion Archer

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Posted Oct 24 2017 - 12:07 PM

You are absolutely correct about Ignition, and I feel very dumb now. If you also like PlanetPerson's suggestions, then I'm down to change the current names. I will say, though, that while I also really like the title "Masks," I don't think it works as well if Book 1 is called "Quest for the Masks." It sounds repetitive. 
 
 
With this naming style, I'm leaning toward:
  • Quest for the Masks
  • Makuta's Revenge or What Lurks Below or Secret of the Swarms
  • The Seventh Toa
  • City of Legends
  • Web of Shadows
  • Island of Doom
  • Downfall or Ignition
  • Destiny War or The Final Battle
  • Journey's End
  • Epilogue
What are people's thoughts?

 

My suggestion for Book 2 would be "Secrets of the Swarms" (not sure if "Secret" is supposed to be plural or not) as it's the most descriptive of the book's content out of those three options you're leaning towards and it would fit well with the others because of that. I also feel it's more iconic than the other two options.

 

I like "Ignition" for Book 7; it's like one of those Game of Thrones episodes where the title foreshadows what happens at the end, like "Baelor" or "The Mountain and the Viper" (though I guess "Downfall" or "Sacrifice" would do the same thing). The only issue with that title is that it wouldn't really fit the naming conventions of the others since it's a bit more vague and less descriptive of the overall story. My personal recommendation for the title would be "The Pit," but if you end up deciding to keep the one-word titles I would definitely stick with "Ignition."

 

As for Book 8, I'd go with "Destiny War." I don't really think it makes sense to call it "The Final Battle." I mean, I guess it's technically the last major battle within the Matoran Universe, but when you think of the real final battle that comes later in "Journey's End," it seems a bit redundant to call it that (at least in my opinion).

 

Otherwise, I think all of those titles work really well (though I do still really like the one-word titles).


Edited by Tyrion Archer, Oct 24 2017 - 12:24 PM.

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#59 Offline TuragaNuva

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Posted Oct 24 2017 - 12:57 PM

I read through the new version of chapter 1. It flows nicely, but kind of contradicts the canon, cause it doesn't mention Jala's trap. It does come across as more of a summary of events though, so it might be excusable. I don't really know how to do it better, except with maybe a paragraph skip from the beach to Ta-Koro.

That's a fair point. I'll take another look at it, maybe rework it a little bit.
 

Also, I think Makuta's Diary would make a great epilogue, in which case it would make sense for the previous chapter to be called a chapter. Do you already have typed up versions of the Diary chapters, or would you like help with it?

Cool, I'll go with that, then. And I've already got all the Makuta and Mata Nui diary entries typed up (got that done yesterday), but thanks for the offer!
 

By the way, since I was going through the Style Guide anyway, I decided to convert to text all the parts that might interest you:

Thanks! I really should have looked through the Style Guide more when I was copying over the Shadow Toa fight. I'll look into working those in.

 

So I considered joining the forum before but honestly I finally did it largely just to say thank you for all your work. I'd never gotten through the entire series because of how jumbled it gets in the later years with being spread across so much different media, and I was just about to try and make sense of the order of things myself when I found this so, thanks for saving me the trouble! I can't imagine how much time and effort you must have put into this, but it's really helped make the series accessible and I'm loving reading it again in an even more complete form.

Thanks so much! And welcome to BZP!



So, the Book names. It sounds like we have 2 more people who like the simple, one-word titles (though Tyrion Archer seems open to either style). Alligaytorr actually did a a great job putting my issues with the other naming system into words: I don't really like the idea of attributing the name of one part of a volume to the entire thing.

For now, I'll probably go ahead and change Book 7 to Ignition and Book 8 to Rising, and leave the rest as-is. I'm still open to the idea of possibly completely changing the titles if more people voice a desire for it, but since opinion looks to be more split than it first appeared, I'd rather keep the current system for now.

Edited by TuragaNuva, Oct 24 2017 - 12:58 PM.

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#60 Offline Hidron Nuva

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Posted Oct 24 2017 - 03:52 PM

You, sir, are a hero!
This gives me a chance to read the books again :)


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#61 Offline Planetperson

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Posted Oct 24 2017 - 04:32 PM

Congrats on making the front page!

 

On the topic of all this Ignition stuff... another thing you might include is the poem from Piraka.com near the beginning of Book 6. That actually turned out to be a pretty important teaser.

 

About the title "Ignition" -- I know that, behind the scenes, it was originally meant to refer to the Toa Inika/Mahri's mission to revive Mata Nui, before the story team moved the awakening of Mata Nui up to 08. However, after the fact, I always thought it was still meant to apply to the Toa Nuva's awakening of Mata Nui. After all, the comics were still titled "Ignition" for that year, and the narration of the final battle animation also seems to indicate this.

 

The new ending of Book 8 is really good.

 

Hm, I see your point about the single-word names and not wanting to be too specific. The other side of the argument is that if they aren't specific enough, there isn't much point in naming the books. The other extreme is not to name them at all (just call them Book 1, Book2, etc.). My rule of thumb is that if a title could just as easily be applied to another book, then it doesn't work.

 

Opinions on names:

2. I don't like "Makuta's Revenge," since Makuta doesn't even appear in the book. I think it also spoils the fact that he makes a resurgence later. "What Lurks Below" could easily apply to several other books. "Secret of the Swarms" is not bad.

3. I'm partial to "Mask of Light." It's the most obvious choice. I also like "The Seventh Toa." I don't think it spoils too much. If you want something else, how about "Sons of Makuta"? That's arguably even more spoilery though.

5. Could also be called "The Great Rescue," but that doesn't fit the dark tone. For one-word titles, in place of Hordika I would suggest something like "Beasts," "Mutation," or "Ruin."

7. I think referring to the Pit is the most descriptive option, so I still like "Prisoners of the Pit." I think "Ignition" is slippery because it was used for the whole 06-08 comic series. It's the same reason that "Mask of Life" doesn't work for any of the books.

8. I don't like "The Final Battle"; it's too generic and not even accurate. "Destiny War" is also generic. I would be pretty happy with "The Rising." Other ideas: "The Core of the Universe," "Shadows in the Sky," etc.

 


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#62 Offline Chip Wiseman

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Posted Oct 24 2017 - 05:48 PM

Whew, lad! This is a fantastic service you've done for the community. Truth be told, I've always wanted to do something similar, but I'm far too lazy to actually do so. Glad to see you had the commitment to pull it off, and also to continue working on it past release to make it the best that it can be!

Hmm, after this is all done, I can just envision the completed tomes lining a shelf... ooh, the chills!


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-L- to the -K-

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...

Then, I go back to my videogames.

I used to be known as 'Gresh's Thornax...Ouchy!!!', before I realised what a silly name it was.

Other previous names include Lihkan435 and Chip Biscuit.


#63 Offline Turaga Majice

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Posted Oct 24 2017 - 08:57 PM

Re-entered the BZP forums after months and months to thank you for this. I have been lamenting for some time that I no longer have my old books, and that you can't easily get them again. I'm bookmark this topic, I'm gonna download it all, and I'm gonna hold onto it for as long as I can. Thank you.

 

I would be happy to keep track of any typos I find along the way, as recompense.

 

So, you typed this up yourself? Like... over a dozen of Greg Farshtey's novels? That must make you as masterful an impersonator of his style as anyone could be. Out of curiosity, noticed anything that's particularly him about his writing? Like, a turn of phrase or a formatting that you could single out as a habit of his?


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#64 Offline TuragaNuva

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Posted Oct 24 2017 - 09:18 PM

Okay, first of all: oh my god, this made the front page! Many thanks to Black Six for his kind words in the news post (and for making the news post at all)! I'm honored.


On the topic of all this Ignition stuff... another thing you might include is the poem from Piraka.com near the beginning of Book 6. That actually turned out to be a pretty important teaser.

I wasn't familiar with it, but after looking it up, yeah, I think it'd be great at the beginning of Book 6. I'll get on that.

About the title "Ignition" -- I know that, behind the scenes, it was originally meant to refer to the Toa Inika/Mahri's mission to revive Mata Nui, before the story team moved the awakening of Mata Nui up to 08. However, after the fact, I always thought it was still meant to apply to the Toa Nuva's awakening of Mata Nui. After all, the comics were still titled "Ignition" for that year, and the narration of the final battle animation also seems to indicate this.

Fair points. However, they did remove the "Ignition" branding from the '08 comics, making it a little more murky. At this point, I'm considering dropping the name "Ignition" for any Book, since it could seem incorrect either way.

Hm, I see your point about the single-word names and not wanting to be too specific. The other side of the argument is that if they aren't specific enough, there isn't much point in naming the books. The other extreme is not to name them at all (just call them Book 1, Book2, etc.). My rule of thumb is that if a title could just as easily be applied to another book, then it doesn't work.
 
Opinions on names:
2. I don't like "Makuta's Revenge," since Makuta doesn't even appear in the book. I think it also spoils the fact that he makes a resurgence later. "What Lurks Below" could easily apply to several other books. "Secret of the Swarms" is not bad.
3. I'm partial to "Mask of Light." It's the most obvious choice. I also like "The Seventh Toa." I don't think it spoils too much. If you want something else, how about "Sons of Makuta"? That's arguably even more spoilery though.
5. Could also be called "The Great Rescue," but that doesn't fit the dark tone. For one-word titles, in place of Hordika I would suggest something like "Beasts," "Mutation," or "Ruin."
7. I think referring to the Pit is the most descriptive option, so I still like "Prisoners of the Pit." I think "Ignition" is slippery because it was used for the whole 06-08 comic series. It's the same reason that "Mask of Life" doesn't work for any of the books.
8. I don't like "The Final Battle"; it's too generic and not even accurate. "Destiny War" is also generic. I would be pretty happy with "The Rising." Other ideas: "The Core of the Universe," "Shadows in the Sky," etc.

All fair points. Like I said, I plan on sticking with the simple names until/unless I can get a better idea of what most people want, but if I do decide to change them, I'll definitely take this all into account.


Whew, lad! This is a fantastic service you've done for the community. Truth be told, I've always wanted to do something similar, but I'm far too lazy to actually do so. Glad to see you had the commitment to pull it off, and also to continue working on it past release to make it the best that it can be!
Hmm, after this is all done, I can just envision the completed tomes lining a shelf... ooh, the chills!

Thank you! I've also thought about how cool it would be to have these as printed, physical volumes (though as you said, it would have to wait until everything is totally finalized).


Re-entered the BZP forums after months and months to thank you for this. I have been lamenting for some time that I no longer have my old books, and that you can't easily get them again. I'm bookmark this topic, I'm gonna download it all, and I'm gonna hold onto it for as long as I can. Thank you.
 
I would be happy to keep track of any typos I find along the way, as recompense.
 
So, you typed this up yourself? Like... over a dozen of Greg Farshtey's novels? That must make you as masterful an impersonator of his style as anyone could be. Out of curiosity, noticed anything that's particularly him about his writing? Like, a turn of phrase or a formatting that you could single out as a habit of his?

Thanks! I do recommend you keep an eye on the topic to keep up with updates: Book 9 in particular will be going through some big changes soon.

As for typing up the books, that was all Toatapio Nuva. Direct all questions (and praise) related to that his way.

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#65 Offline markyman20

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Posted Oct 24 2017 - 09:25 PM

Oh my goodness! This is absolutely fantastic! Once it's done, I am so tempted to send the complete collection to a local publisher so I can have a physical copy for myself. Have you considered designing a spine and back cover for this possibility? Keep it up!

 

Edit: I would also suggest a contents section once it's done, which would be especially helpful in the complete collection.

 

Edit2: Ooo and what if, since you have text only collections, you make a comics only collection with all the comics from 2001-2010 in one volume, since the graphic novels do not include Glatorian comics #6 and #7?

 

Edit3: Are there any thoughts of including information from the guides and encyclopedias? Geez, you got me excited about this project!


Edited by markyman20, Oct 25 2017 - 12:38 AM.

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#66 Offline smithkey08

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Posted Oct 24 2017 - 11:30 PM

Major props for taking the time and putting this all together. Of all the things I have seen from this community, this one is at the top. Thank you for this.


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“Hey, I'm a Toa of Stone now. A rock has been destroyed -- I have to avenge it, don't I?”

#67 Offline Toatapio Nuva

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Posted Oct 25 2017 - 01:54 AM

 

However, they did remove the "Ignition" branding from the '08 comics, making it a little more murky. At this point, I'm considering dropping the name "Ignition" for any Book, since it could seem incorrect either way.

 

Yeah, the fact that they changed it to "Battle for Power" indicates an intention to distinguish 2008 from the "actual" Ignition saga. Of course, a lot of the elements of what would've been the final Ignition year were used in 2008, like the location and the way the Ignika is used in the Codrex.

 

So, you typed this up yourself? Like... over a dozen of Greg Farshtey's novels? That must make you as masterful an impersonator of his style as anyone could be. Out of curiosity, noticed anything that's particularly him about his writing? Like, a turn of phrase or a formatting that you could single out as a habit of his?

 

Greg definitely has his own writing style, which quite heavily relies on cliffhangers and witty dialogue. It's a style that works for a story like Bionicle, but I'll admit that it definitely becomes repetitive in the later Bionicle years. I feel his writing was at its best in the 2004-2006 stories, whereas his weaknesses as a writer began to show in the 2008 serials, where most of the plotlines didn't actually get a resolution, and a lot of the content was cheesy and cliche. In general, it's clear that he put more effort and thought into the books than the serials.

 

For the record, I didn't actually type up everything from start to finish for every book. I did it that way for a few of them, but then discovered a website that allows you to convert text on images into pure text, so I used scans of the book pages to do this. Of course, there were a lot, and I mean a lot of typos and other issues with the text that came out, especially with all the different Bionicle-exclusive names (for example, it autocorrected every mention of Jaller to "jailer", which was especially frustrating in the 2007 story where that word is also often used to describe Hydraxon), so editing and checking all of it did take a lot of time. But at least I didn't have to type every word from scratch.

 

EDIT: Also, yay for this project being on the front page! :D


Edited by Toatapio Nuva, Oct 25 2017 - 02:20 AM.

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#68 Offline Pomegranate

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Posted Oct 25 2017 - 03:32 AM

This is so crazy and amazing, you're a blessing to this fandom! Thanks so much for putting your time and passion into this. Does this stuff include summaries of the movie, or just their novelizations? Or is this basically all the canon media except the movies? 

Also, have you considered what this would all look like if it were printed in one giant anthology? I want to know how big that book would be :P 

Good luck refining this collection, can't wait to sit down and read it all up and get the full, unabridged, unbroken Bionicle experience :D 


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#69 Offline TuragaNuva

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Posted Oct 25 2017 - 08:17 AM

Okay, the titles have been changed again. For now, Book 5 is Venom, Book 7 is Sacrifice, and Book 8 is Rising. The next thing on my to-do list is adding some of those Style Guide segments Toatapio posted, and after that... I think I'll get underway on the Book 9 rearrangement.


Oh my goodness! This is absolutely fantastic! Once it's done, I am so tempted to send the complete collection to a local publisher so I can have a physical copy for myself. Have you considered designing a spine and back cover for this possibility? Keep it up!

That's a good thought; I guess I should do that! It'll probably be at the bottom of my priority list for now, though.

Edit: I would also suggest a contents section once it's done, which would be especially helpful in the complete collection.

I'll consider it, though as you'll see if you take a look at my notes (linked at the end of the first post), the way things are ordered can get a little... messy. I'm not sure how to make a professional-looking table of contents with how much I've broken up some pieces of writing.

Edit2: Ooo and what if, since you have text only collections, you make a comics only collection with all the comics from 2001-2010 in one volume, since the graphic novels do not include Glatorian comics #6 and #7?

I'll consider that, maybe after all of this is done. The obstacle there is that I don't have good scans of all the comics, since I didn't use all of them in this compilation (only those that include story not featured elsewhere). I can get them, it would just take some time.

Edit3: Are there any thoughts of including information from the guides and encyclopedias? Geez, you got me excited about this project!

This pretty much only includes things that were written as a story, so nothing from the guidebooks. However, I've heard that someone else is working on a guidebook compilation... ;)

 

Major props for taking the time and putting this all together. Of all the things I have seen from this community, this one is at the top. Thank you for this.

Thank you. That means a lot coming from someone who's been here as long as you.

 

This is so crazy and amazing, you're a blessing to this fandom! Thanks so much for putting your time and passion into this. Does this stuff include summaries of the movie, or just their novelizations? Or is this basically all the canon media except the movies? 

Also, have you considered what this would all look like if it were printed in one giant anthology? I want to know how big that book would be :P 

Good luck refining this collection, can't wait to sit down and read it all up and get the full, unabridged, unbroken Bionicle experience :D

The movie novelizations are included, though the ones for the 2nd and 3rd movies were edited so as not to repeat sections of the story (since the beginning of each of those retreads material from earlier books).

I would love to possibly get a copy of this printed when it's all done, but that's probably a while off (especially since it would likely need serious reformatting to be printed as a physical book).

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#70 Offline markyman20

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Posted Oct 25 2017 - 08:50 AM

I'll consider it, though as you'll see if you take a look at my notes (linked at the end of the first post), the way things are ordered can get a little... messy. I'm not sure how to make a professional-looking table of contents with how much I've broken up some pieces of writing.


That's understandable. Perhaps there could be just one page of contents for the ten different books, just to add some way to navigate through the collection.


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#71 Offline Toa of Mirrors

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Posted Oct 25 2017 - 01:50 PM

This is a really great resource of Bionicle information. However, I think Book 7 should at least include a summary of the events of Bionicle Legends 7: Invasion, since we know the gist of what happened, just not the particulars.


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Come see my story-corrected Tahu And Takanuva MoCs

#72 Offline TuragaNuva

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Posted Oct 25 2017 - 08:09 PM

MAJOR UPDATE!

Book 9 has now been rearranged across all versions! I modified it slightly from my last proposed order (you can check my notes for the new order). It now also includes Mata Nui's Diary, segments from the Mata Nui Saga, and the Fall of Tajun text from Bionicle.com. I feel much better about the new order, and hope that all of you will check it out!

Other changes:

  • Book 1 now includes another segment from the Style Guide, and the Kaita/Manas fight has been slightly reworked again, now incorporating a line from another Style Guide segment (also fixed a couple remaining present- vs. past-tense issues from combining MNOG and Chronicles #1)
  • Book 2 now includes the Style Guide segment about Gali losing her powers (unfortunately, I couldn't find any good way to really work in the 2 suggested 2002 Style Guide bits)

 

Please download new copies of these Books if you want the best versions of them!


Edited by TuragaNuva, Oct 26 2017 - 08:06 AM.

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#73 Offline Toa Tahva

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Posted Oct 26 2017 - 12:13 AM

As a longtime lurker on this forum, I felt the need to finally join for real, because I simply have to commend you on one of the greatest labors of love by a member of our fandom that I have ever seen. Truly this is something that every Bionicle fan has dreamed of and now you have made it a reality. Remarkable. I have nothing but praise to heap upon you.

 

 

On the book naming debate:

 

I also think that there are better names that could be had then the word word titles. I would also potentially be in favor of dividing the complete work into "Parts" if that make sense. Here's what I propose (some of these ideas have also been suggested by others)

 

The Biological Chronicle (BIONICLE):

 

PART I: UNITY or Legend of the Toa

 

Book 1: Quest for the Masks

Book 2: The Bohrok Swarms/What Lurks Below (either of these work)

Book 3: The Seventh Toa/Mask of Light (again I love both these titles)

 

PART II: DUTY or The Great Rescue

Book 4: City of Legends

Book 5: Web of Shadows

 

PART III: DESTINY or The Three that Must Be One

Book 6: Island of Doom

Book 7: The Pit

Book 8: Destiny War

Book 9: Journey's End

 

EPILOGUE:

Book 10: Epilogue

 

I also think Ignition is not a bad title for either 7 or 8. I guess I just like a lot of the cool "Bionicle" titles for things instead of one word titles that could be for any generic Sci-Fi series. "City of Legends" and "Island of Doom" and certain other things instantly bring to mind Bionicle for me and I guess I just really like those as titles. I also think dividing the books up into parts could be neat just structurally and UNITY, DUTY, and DESTINY sortof fit perfectly. I know I just said I don't like one word titles but for the three parts those words are perfect.


Edited by Toa Tahva, Oct 26 2017 - 12:13 AM.

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#74 Offline Toatapio Nuva

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Posted Oct 26 2017 - 01:46 AM

Book 1 now includes another segment from the Style Guide, and the Kaita/Manas fight has been slightly reworked again, now incorporating a line from another Style Guide segment (also fixed a couple remaining present- vs. past-tense issues from combining MNOG and Chronicles #1)

 

Great job on the Kaita/Manas battle! This version is definitely the best it has been, and flows much better than before. I think the parts you chose to include and leave out were well decided. Just one minor thing: On page 123, it should actually be Tahu who says "Where wisdom and valor fail, all that remains is faith. And it can overcome all" instead of Gali.

 

Also, I have a suggestion for chapter 1 of that book: what about if you remove the part "When he reached a charred forest, Tahu encountered a small being who reacted to him with fear. This being, a villager, had mistaken Tahu for one of the bestial Rahi who stalked the island. Later, Tahu finally found his way to the village of Ta-Koro and its leader, Turaga Vakama", and instead make it a break between two paragraphs? Then it would sort of skip the non-canon part, and make the transition between the beach and Ta-Koro a bit more fluid. Another option would be to include "Tahu finally found his way to the village of Ta-Koro and its leader, Turaga Vakama". These are just suggestions to think about if you wanna change that chapter.

 

Book 2 now includes the Style Guide segment about Gali losing her powers (unfortunately, I couldn't find any good way to really work in the 2 suggested 2002 Style Guide bits)

 

Yeah, those Style Guide Bohrok stories don't really seem to fit that well. The one with the volcano trap clearly is supposed to happen between Lewa's rescue and descending into the Bohrok nest, but the way the Chronicles book is written makes it impossible to fit.


Edited by Toatapio Nuva, Oct 26 2017 - 02:17 AM.

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#75 Offline TuragaNuva

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Posted Oct 26 2017 - 08:29 AM

EDIT: To make it easier for people to check if they have the latest updates, I've edited the original post to have the date and time the last update occurred shown next to each Book. I hope this is helpful!


This is a really great resource of Bionicle information. However, I think Book 7 should at least include a summary of the events of Bionicle Legends 7: Invasion, since we know the gist of what happened, just not the particulars.

I'd like to include something like that, but I can't think of an elegant way to include it that keeps the whole thing flowing like a story.
 
 

As a longtime lurker on this forum, I felt the need to finally join for real, because I simply have to commend you on one of the greatest labors of love by a member of our fandom that I have ever seen. Truly this is something that every Bionicle fan has dreamed of and now you have made it a reality. Remarkable. I have nothing but praise to heap upon you.
 
 
On the book naming debate:
 
I also think that there are better names that could be had then the word word titles. I would also potentially be in favor of dividing the complete work into "Parts" if that make sense. Here's what I propose (some of these ideas have also been suggested by others)
 
The Biological Chronicle (BIONICLE):
 
PART I: UNITY or Legend of the Toa
 
Book 1: Quest for the Masks
Book 2: The Bohrok Swarms/What Lurks Below (either of these work)
Book 3: The Seventh Toa/Mask of Light (again I love both these titles)
 
PART II: DUTY or The Great Rescue
Book 4: City of Legends
Book 5: Web of Shadows
 
PART III: DESTINY or The Three that Must Be One
Book 6: Island of Doom
Book 7: The Pit
Book 8: Destiny War
Book 9: Journey's End
 
EPILOGUE:
Book 10: Epilogue
 
I also think Ignition is not a bad title for either 7 or 8. I guess I just like a lot of the cool "Bionicle" titles for things instead of one word titles that could be for any generic Sci-Fi series. "City of Legends" and "Island of Doom" and certain other things instantly bring to mind Bionicle for me and I guess I just really like those as titles. I also think dividing the books up into parts could be neat just structurally and UNITY, DUTY, and DESTINY sortof fit perfectly. I know I just said I don't like one word titles but for the three parts those words are perfect.

First of all, thank you so much for your kind words. 
I actually really like the "Part" titles you suggested (they do fit surprisingly well), so I'll consider them. And I'll add 1 to the number of people who would prefer longer titles (which is definitely starting to look like the majority). 
 
 

Great job on the Kaita/Manas battle! This version is definitely the best it has been, and flows much better than before. I think the parts you chose to include and leave out were well decided. Just one minor thing: On page 123, it should actually be Tahu who says "Where wisdom and valor fail, all that remains is faith. And it can overcome all" instead of Gali.

Good call, I'll fix that ASAP. I must've gotten thrown off by Tahu saying "Gali's right" right afterward. EDIT: Fixed!
 

Also, I have a suggestion for chapter 1 of that book: what about if you remove the part "When he reached a charred forest, Tahu encountered a small being who reacted to him with fear. This being, a villager, had mistaken Tahu for one of the bestial Rahi who stalked the island. Later, Tahu finally found his way to the village of Ta-Koro and its leader, Turaga Vakama", and instead make it a break between two paragraphs? Then it would sort of skip the non-canon part, and make the transition between the beach and Ta-Koro a bit more fluid. Another option would be to include "Tahu finally found his way to the village of Ta-Koro and its leader, Turaga Vakama". These are just suggestions to think about if you wanna change that chapter.

Definitely a good suggestion. Honestly, though, looking back at it, I'm thinking about cutting everything in that chapter after "He kept moving toward what appeared to be a great walled city, sitting in the middle of a lake of molten lava." I think introducing all that info in the first chapter kind of throws off the flow of the book (not to mention the way that Vakama and Ta-Koro aren't really introduced, as if the reader should have heard of them already). I like having the mention of Tahu seeing Takua, since it makes it clearer in MNOG Chapter 1 that Tahu is who Takua sees on the beach, but everything after that is information the reader will find out later anyway. Thoughts?

Edited by TuragaNuva, Oct 26 2017 - 09:13 AM.

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#76 Offline Toatapio Nuva

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Posted Oct 26 2017 - 10:08 AM

Honestly, though, looking back at it, I'm thinking about cutting everything in that chapter after "He kept moving toward what appeared to be a great walled city, sitting in the middle of a lake of molten lava." I think introducing all that info in the first chapter kind of throws off the flow of the book (not to mention the way that Vakama and Ta-Koro aren't really introduced, as if the reader should have heard of them already). I like having the mention of Tahu seeing Takua, since it makes it clearer in MNOG Chapter 1 that Tahu is who Takua sees on the beach, but everything after that is information the reader will find out later anyway. Thoughts?

 

I must admit I had similar thoughts about it. I like the additional dialogue it gives, as well as the fact that it introduces the specific powers of the masks, but its storytelling is a bit akward. If you decide to leave out that part, it might indeed flow better.

 

EDIT: Oh, by the way, you might also wanna add a comma in between "To the south[,] jagged rocks made a crude wall against the ocean" when you next update that book. The original version doesn't have the comma, but it should probably have one.


Edited by Toatapio Nuva, Oct 26 2017 - 10:20 AM.

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#77 Offline TuragaNuva

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Posted Oct 26 2017 - 10:58 AM

Update time again:

  • A chunk of the Style Guide section featuring Tahu has been removed, since it didn't fit well
  • The poem from Piraka.com foreshadowing the '06-'08 storyline has been added to the beginning of Book 6

 

 

 

Honestly, though, looking back at it, I'm thinking about cutting everything in that chapter after "He kept moving toward what appeared to be a great walled city, sitting in the middle of a lake of molten lava." I think introducing all that info in the first chapter kind of throws off the flow of the book (not to mention the way that Vakama and Ta-Koro aren't really introduced, as if the reader should have heard of them already). I like having the mention of Tahu seeing Takua, since it makes it clearer in MNOG Chapter 1 that Tahu is who Takua sees on the beach, but everything after that is information the reader will find out later anyway. Thoughts?

 
I must admit I had similar thoughts about it. I like the additional dialogue it gives, as well as the fact that it introduces the specific powers of the masks, but its storytelling is a bit akward. If you decide to leave out that part, it might indeed flow better.
 
EDIT: Oh, by the way, you might also wanna add a comma in between "To the south[,] jagged rocks made a crude wall against the ocean" when you next update that book. The original version doesn't have the comma, but it should probably have one.

 

Alright, I've gone ahead and removed that  part. As for the comma, I definitely would have included one if I had written it, but it's readable without it, and I'd like to keep everything as close to how it was written as possible (for anything that isn't incorrect, non-canon, etc.).


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#78 Offline Toa Tahva

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Posted Oct 26 2017 - 02:04 PM

Having never seen that Piraka poem before, it is very good forshadowing. What exactly does the third stanza refer to ("What darkness divides/A cut will unite")? The rest of them seem clear to me.


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#79 Offline TuragaNuva

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Posted Oct 26 2017 - 02:14 PM

Having never seen that Piraka poem before, it is very good forshadowing. What exactly does the third stanza refer to ("What darkness divides/A cut will unite")? The rest of them seem clear to me.

I actually hadn't seen it either until someone mentioned it here! I assume that stanza refers to Voya Nui being "divided" from the MU, and how "cutting" the Cord will allow it to return.


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#80 Offline Toa Tahva

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Posted Oct 26 2017 - 02:29 PM

 

Having never seen that Piraka poem before, it is very good forshadowing. What exactly does the third stanza refer to ("What darkness divides/A cut will unite")? The rest of them seem clear to me.

I actually hadn't seen it either until someone mentioned it here! I assume that stanza refers to Voya Nui being "divided" from the MU, and how "cutting" the Cord will allow it to return.

 

 

Ah that makes sense. Any theories on what is the in-universe inspiration for this? Did a great being write it?


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