Posted May 11 2012 - 03:58 PM
How to Be a HeroNot Responsible For Awesomeness OverloadsChapter 16 – The Void, Part 2iBrow Comedy ProductionsCapture the Flag, Round 1:Furno: Alright guys, I gotta say, those last three losses were pretty humiliating.Bulk: You guys aren’t listening to me.Furno: We’ve been playing for twenty minutes. Evo, you need to speak English. None of us can understand you, and Kopaka is awful at defense.Evo: Je-Furno: Don’t even start!Bulk: Evo could speak French if you’d listen to me.Rocka: Perhaps I should lead the team. Furno seems to be doing a right awful job.Hahli: Give him a break! It was your fault we lost Game 2, Rocka!Rocka: How was I supposed to know Hewkii found the hammer?!Furno: For the love of all that is-???: Furno....Furno: -... who was that?Rocka: Who was who?Furno: Uh...???: Heheheh... can you hear me Furno...?Furno: Um, yes.Rocka: Who are you talking to?Furno: Don’t you hear the really weird and creepy voice too?Rocka: ...no.Bulk: Knock him out. We’ll have to win Game 4 without him.Furno: Wait! No!*WHAM!*Furno: Bleagh...Rocka: I’m not really sure why my fist makes that noise, but that’s fine.Three Seconds Later:Furno: Rocka, you little- wait, what????: Ah, finally.Furno: Why am I see-through????: It’s called being transparent, stupid.Furno: Who’re- Surge?!Surge: Welcome back honey. Now we get serious.Furno: ...I’m hallucinating.Surge: Why? Are you doing drugs?Furno: Well, not really, but there’s no other reason why I would be seeing and talking to dead people.Surge: Just give me a few minutes to explain- but first, we need to go to Purgatory.Furno: Purga-nope. Not going! Give me my body back!Surge: It’s your fault I’m dead, dude. Think about what the wisest choice for you might be right now.Furno: ...I hate my life.Surge: And guess what? I’ve hated my death. So I guess we’re about to be even.Furno: ...Surge: Let’s go, old friend.And thus Surge proceeded to shove Furno to the ground, where he passed through. He fell for what seemed like several hours (though it was just a few seconds) and then landed feet-first (despite having been falling on his back) on gray, drab ground.Furno: Where are we?Surge: Welcome to Purgatory, you old factory fart.Furno: That was a really sad attempt at an insult.Surge: You know, it’s kind of surprising I guess, but I REALLY don’t care. All I know is that it’s your fault I’m dead, and I’m bringing you to justice.Furno: What?! Since when do dead people come back to life and drag the living into the nether?!Surge: This isn’t the Nether, shuck-face. It’s Purgatory. Trust me, there’s a big difference.Furno: ...Surge: You see, in Purgatory everything is in shades of gray and terribly boring. In the Nether, there’s lava everywhere and everything is a different shade of orange or red. And also there’s the Ghasts, Magma Cubes, Zombie Pigmen, and Blazes that keep things interesting. Here in Purgatory, you just deal with eternal boredom.Furno: I see.Surge: I’ve lived in Purgatory for the past several months, got fed up with my lot in Death, and went to see the Council about bringing you in for justice.Furno: Council?Surge: Yep. The four guys who rule over the four different areas of the afterlife.Furno: Those being...Surge: Well, from the supposed top to bottom, there’s the Nether where all the griefers go; there’s the Underwhere, where bad-ish and neutral-ish people go; and there’s the Overthere, where all the lollipop good kids go.Furno: And Purgatory?Surge: For those who led boring to death lives and also those who have just died and need to be categorized.Furno: Somehow this isn’t what I expected the Afterlife to be.Surge: What DID you expect, numb nuts?Furno: ... never mind.Surge: Come on- you’re lucky, you little squeamish punk. You’re about to be the seventh living being to ever meet the Council.Furno: Gee, I feel SO lucky...Meanwhile, on the field:Tahu: ROCKA! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT KNOCKING YOUR OWN TEAM MATES OUT?!Rocka: Necessary sir! He was hearing things! Think that’s why we were losing!Bulk: Liar.Tahu: WHATEVER, I DON’T ACTUALLY CARE! JUST FREAKING WIN, GEEZ! YOU GUYS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE WINNING THE TOURNAMENT, NOT LOSING THE FIRST ROUND!Rocka: ...Furno’s fault.Bulk: Meet you at the tactics table.Rocka: Already there.Hahli: There you two are. Alright, so Hewkii obviously has the hammer, and has been beating us practically by himself the past two games.Rocka: He’s mine.Hahli: But Evo-Rocka: No. I have Hewkii- I think I might’ve found the sniper meteor blaster. With this scope right here, I’ll take him down.Kopaka: Your helmet has a function?Rocka: Yeah. Heat seeking.Makuta: And here I thought you were just trying to imitate Kopaka and Nuju.Rocka: ...Makuta: Hey, it’s not my fault. Just ask any Bionicle fan.Hahli: Alright, so Rocka has Hewkii. Rocka, you’re gonna have to be fast, because they outnumber us by two now.Rocka: Oh man, this is not good...Hahli: What?Bulk: Rocka has just realized that only two other Capture the Flag teams have won when they had six or less players or were down two.Makuta: ...the last team to do so?Bulk: Roughly six years ago.Makuta: Ouch.Hahli: We can’t think about that right now! If we can pull off what I have planned, we’ll be able to beat them.Bulk: Four games in a row?Hahli: I’m taking it one game at a time.Rocka: Wait a minute, I’m supposed to be the leader!Evo: Ô pour l'amour de tout ce qui est bien dans le monde, juste la laisser être le leader!Kopaka: He says let Hahli be the leader.Rocka: The French is getting old really fast dude. Be careful I don’t have to sniper you by accident.Evo: ...ulp.Hahli: Anyway, Rocka, once you’ve taken out Hewkii, you’re going to have to get Macku within seconds, or else we’re going to have a repeat of Game 1.*Insert Flashback to Game 1*Furno: Take THAT, Hewkii!Hewkii: Urk, I am out of this game!Macku: ...Furno: ...Macku: RAGE!!!!Furno: AAAAAAAAAAH!*End Flashback to Game 1*Rocka: Got it.Hahli: Evo and Kopaka, you two are going to have to work together.Kopaka: Obviously.Hahli: Unfortunately, you’re going to have to be the ones taking out Xplode and Thunder.Kopaka: Argh.Makuta: Phew, I don’t get the boring guys this time!Hahli: That’s because you get two guys to yourself Makuta.Makuta: ABSOLUTELY SPIFFING.Hahli: You’re going to get the Pilot and Stringer.Makuta: Oh god, please not Stringer. His speech is going to murder me.Hahli: That leaves me and Bulk- Bulk, you’re going to try and get their flag, which I expect they’ll have guarded by either Jaller or Nuparu.Bulk: For your sake, I’m going to pray that I get Jaller.Hahli: It’s the way the world works... let’s go!Meanwhile, in Purgatory:Surge: Council, as requested I have brought Furno in for questioning.Council Member 1: Verrrry nice.Council Member 2: You have done well Surrrrrge.Council Member 3: Exceptionally well, if I might add, herrrrro.Council Member 4: Fasterrrr than even Brrrrrutaka was!Furno: Why do they all mispronounce their ‘r’s?Surge: To be honest, I have no freaking clue.To Be Continued!Want to watch the Capture the Flag tournament? If so, say so in your reply to this chapter and I’ll write a miniseries on it!
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