The Magic of 21 (or lack thereof)
When you reach the age of 21, something magical happens.
It's not the first time something magical has happened. Apparently, on your 18th birthday, your chances of exercising pyromania suddenly plummeted, so you were finally allowed to purchase lighters. You also must have lost the ability to grasp simple probability, so you were allowed to purchase lottery tickets too. And being alive 18 years also gave you the right to make valid political decisions! It was a magical time of fire, useless paper, and picking future authority figures based on how cool their last names were.
But when you turn 21, you go through the most magical transformation of all. You finally acquire the responsibility necessary to drink that mysterious, grown-up potion known as... alcohol.
A whole new world of delicious, blissful flavors opens before you! You can finally pop open a can/bottle and have gorgeous models appear around you, or move backwrds in time, or become the most interesting person in the world, just like in the commercials! And bonding with friends no longer requires conversation! Somehow, just because your beverages all contain the same mysterious liquid known as "alcohol"... a true kinship is finally born.
Well, that's what I thought. Except nobody told me something very important about these beverages.
THEY ALL TASTE LIKE WINDEX.
People have certainly tried their best to convince me otherwise. And I'm sure that many drinks are very enjoyable --- if you have an unquenchable thirst for slightly more palatable cleaning fluids.
They've given me wine (which tastes like grape juice, if you made grape juice with mostly disinfectant instead of grapes).
And vodka (which tastes like it's made entirely from disinfectant).
And someone even bought me a shot of whiskey and said it was "the good stuff." Nope, they lied. There was absolutely no "good" involved there whatsoever. (Except maybe good for scrubbing mold off showers or something.)
So, overall, these magical new rights are pretty disappointing. Too bad I can't return them for something cool, like a pet unicorn or wizard powers.
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