I have a lot of sympathy for this. I lied in high school a lot, because I was afraid too. I was very deft at using the truth to deceive people. Lies of omission and word play were an exercise in creativity. For years, I had the ability to sense what people wanted of me and become that. It left me so unsure of my identity I used to obsess over my name just to have some sense of self. It's hard to move on from that. But you can. Lying becomes part of who you are - you identify yourself as a good liar the same way I identified myself as an analyst. But there are other things you can choose to identify yourself with. You're a writer. That's another part of identity. What you choose to be now is entirely up to you. Carpe diem.